P56 – Balancing Lifestyle Fun and Parental Duties

Transcript

Hi there, my name is C. I'm Dee and you're listening to Swinging Down Under. Our journey is a couple through the swinging lifestyle. Are you into open relationships or exploring new things in life? This is our podcast. Experiences, both good and bad, reviews and events and more here's Swinging Down Under. Come on. Join us. This is C, and this is Swinging Down Under. Welcome everyone to a really special episode, episode 56 of the Swinging Down Under podcast. Today, we're actually going to hear from some of our listeners.

And actually, we had the opportunity of meeting all of these couples at Desire Resort this year in November. We sent out a question out to the group regarding being parents in the lifestyle. And as many of you know, Dee and I really have absolutely no idea when it comes to this topic.

So we thought, hey, let's reach out and actually talk to some parents who could offer some advice or really talk about their lifestyle and how they really balance the lifestyle and you know really parental duties actually so we thought we'd reach out and we've had six fantastic couples send in some responses and some audio files today and we really wanted to share those with you so you can you know create some conversation of your own laugh at some of the ridiculous antics that they're talking about getting up to being interrupted during sex or needing to actually even record this podcast at the airport because well you know the wet blankets were taking up way too much of their time right through to not being able to have a lot of time or as much time as they'd like in the lifestyle to get up to some naughty, sexy adventures.

So we wanted to share that with you and we hope that you enjoy this podcast. If you had any feedback or any questions for these couples, we're happy to pass along your questions.

So if you send that through to me, cnd at swingingdownunder.com, I'll forward over your email or your questions, over to them and of course as always we do appreciate any feedback that you actually have on our podcast on iTunes or really just feedback in general send it on over okay let's uh we've got a lot of audio to get through today as I said I've got six couples to share with you today so I'm going to take a bit of a back step in today's podcast and share these couples with you. So first up we have Mr and Mrs 43. These guys are really cool.

I mean long-term married couple, long-term couple together. They've got two girls, eight years in the lifestyle too so very experienced in the lifestyle. Again I said before we had the chance to actually meet them at Desire. These guys are fantastic, and I have to say I'm a little bit jealous about their costume-making abilities. Mr. 43 will constantly say, it's all her, and really they're putting everybody else to shame.

So really bring out your hot glue gun when you've got these folks around because I tell you what, they are definitely into the costumes and love dressing up for lifestyle events so we're going to share a little bit about them and their relationship and how they balance well parental guidance parental duties and really just kind of having enough time for themselves as well as enough time for the lifestyle sexy fun here they are so hello cnd this is mr 43 and this is mrs 43 and we are contributing to the podcast series that is going to be referring to the lifestyle with children so we are a married couple we've been together for 23 years and married for 16 we have two beautiful girls and they are currently ages 15 and 13 we started in the lifestyle probably eight years ago when the girls were eight years less old, I guess, right?

I can't remember that. Seven and six. Six? No, that's two years apart, yeah. And seven and five. Oh, sorry. Right, yeah. Math was not my forte. Right. So I guess just to talk about the difficulties and the kind of inner struggles that we had in trying to do this. I don't know if you want to. I'll start because I feel like it's changed over the course of the past eight years.

I feel like in the early stages, for me, I was torn with the morality morality issue and so you have these young children and you want them to be in stable monogamous relationships because that's what everybody preaches and then here we are going off attempting to do our thing and i remember feeling time feeling at times when we would come back from a long weekend and picking our kids up from my mother Thank you and hey mommy we missed you and i just think to myself can they smell it can they smell it or yeah i'm feeling like such a slutty whore knowing what i had done the before, and then here I am picking up my children.

So obviously it's not like that today. This is eight years later, and we're more... Don't say where. That's you. That was you feeling like that. I don't have any morals. You guys, you never had those. I don't have any morals, I guess. No, I didn't feel conflicted in any way.ed in any way. I just felt, I felt closer to my wife. I still had that sexual energy. I was still full of sexual charge.

Obviously, I was happy to see my kids, but in the back of my mind, or maybe in the front of my mind, I was still thinking about what had transpired the night before, the weekend before, and still kind of riding that high where I could see that you were kind of struggling with the duality of what you just did, and then trying to get back into mommy mode, as they say, with the whole thing. I mean, don't get me wrong, it was an amazing time, and I enjoyed every single moment of it, but then it's almost like, for me, as the, like you said, the mom, it's like you flip the switch.

As soon as you see your kids, you're back into this mommy mode, and that, the night the night before has ended it's come to an abrupt end and you know you turn it off and you hope that they don't sense it or see it or smell it we're secretly unpacking the bag and making sure everything scrubbed down and what have you but I would say after the first six hours of that you're like when are we doing it again and again? And we can't do it again until whatever. And so that's the other unique challenge for us in particular, as far as when are we going to do it again?

Because we have very limited childcare prospects. Our only real childcare is our mother-in-law.

We don't have any other your mother-in-law my mother yeah you said our mother-in-law um we don't have a lot of family nearby and i especially at a younger age when the girls were at a younger age wouldn't really just leave them with anybody we didn't really do a lot of babysitters i think we might have done that once or twice but not really for nights of going out with for this type of situation right where and again that's changed too because now i probably leave them with the gas station attendant down the street and told me i could go to desire again for four days but at a younger age you're a little bit more protective of them so really your your mother was the only child care so we're very limited we really only get to have playtime and fun time three or four times a year to be honest with you and so you know for as long as we've been in the lifestyle and that's been a lot for the last two years because before it was like once or twice a year right now it's three or four times a year which would usually be a couple of three-day weekends here or there and then a week-long trip at Desire and then another maybe quick getaway to Desire but it's very challenging for us to get childcare options so when we do we make the most of it and we go balls to the wall how are your morals though probably leveled off that you're moral okay but the funny thing and in conjunction with that is for as long as we've been quote unquote in the lifestyle eight years or nine years we've never ever technically gone on a date on a date yeah yeah we've met plenty of great couples at events and funny enough we've met a couple at desire who we found out lived in the same state as us lived 30 minutes away from us which was amazing but we were never able to to meet them up or the next time we saw was at desire the next year yeah so life just gets in the way with kids our kids are very um involved in competitive sports so there's an entire season from november through april we are like on lockdown.

So life just hits us in the face. And we can't do anything during that time. We're traveling with them for their sports. There's practices, there's games, there's this, there's that. So we don't have a lot of free time to do anything really. Speaking of which, I just got a text. Can we come pick them up now from a sporting event? Funny enough. So they just got to wait a couple more minutes, but case in point. Yeah. So I was going to say something else, but I just lost my train of thought. The lifestyle has been great. Oh, I know what I was going to say. What would you feel?

And I know I'm throwing this at you last minute, but before you said about setting an example for a kind of a straight laced lifestyle, not lifestyle, straight laced marriage for to set an example for our kids. But would you how would you feel if you found out that 20 years from now, our kids were engaged in a lifestyle? I wouldn't mind it, but I would want to make sure that it's well after they've had enough time to establish their own personal relationships with their spouses. You know, so, for example, you and I were together for quite a while before we explored the lifestyle.

You have to feel comfortable in your own relationship together before you can start exploring external opportunities. So I wouldn't, I mean, you can't be a hypocrite and say we can do it and you can't. but I would just want to make sure that they're secure enough in their own relationship because, as you know, you have to have a secure relationship to do this, so it has to be firm. How would you feel if they found out? I would still feel mortified.

I would still feel mortified just because although they're teenagers, I still think they're too young to really understand the fact that we've been together for so long. We have this relationship. We're mature enough to handle what it is that we're doing. And they don't get that at this point. You know, they're very, especially because they're girls, they're very, no cheating and no, and not that this is cheating, but they don't understand the fact that there can be something else, that in addition to a monogamous relationship, there's multiple alternatives. All right.

So, you know, that's our contribution. Hopefully it was a decent enough perspective that you guys can use something. If not, it was our perspective, and we enjoyed doing it. And so this is Mr. 43. And this is Mrs. 43. And signing off. See you when we see you. That was awesome. Thanks, guys. I really appreciate that. Okay, next, couple number two. This is M&G from California. Knows how to party. Actually, we went there recently, and we were walking along Venice Beach Beach and I should have been warned because G did say to me, good luck hanging out down at that beach.

You're going to find some interesting characters. Now, not two seconds along the beach, I thought, geez, that smell is pretty reminiscent of my childhood. What is that? That is marijuana. And I went, oh, that's right. It's legal here in California. There you go. So we watched a guy consuming a hamburger for about 10 minutes that you would have thought this hamburger was hashtag life. He was just so involved with this bloody hamburger because clearly he was stoned and he had the munchies. So these guys are MNG, California, two children came along to Desire. That was actually their first event.

They are fairly new in the lifestyle. And so they're going to share a little bit about being parents and balancing the lifestyle and I guess balancing some of that excitement too. You know, when you first join the lifestyle, you're super excited. You want to get out there. You want to go to meet and greets. You want to go to parties. You want to come to resorts. You really just are all about it. You're kicking with other couples, chatting with them.

then obviously you've got some school duties some parental duties, you're making the lunches you're kind of trying to foster your own relationship with your partner as well so we're going to hear from M&G they're going to talk about being interrupted during sex here they are Oh, this is M&G from California Hi Hi M Hi, that's me, M I don't know.

oh this is m and g from california hi hi m hi that's me m we uh have some answers to your questions c and d we hope you uh enjoy them and find them useful we want to participate we're participating yep this is us all right so m and g G have two children. Hey, this is us. Yes. Remember? We like that show. So we have two kids, and actually, truth be told, everyone, G and I were just getting down ourselves. And we actually stop, and she's like, is that the kids?

I think i hear something and like you know i stopped yeah well yeah we stopped i thought i heard i thought i heard feet my penis on the holly was it was in her mouth she took my penis out of her mouth said hold on i hear him so we have kids anyways so you know having having kids in the ls and you know kids, you know, at any time is pretty much the same for us. You know, we still find time for adult time, you know, adult wants. Yeah, we find time. I mean, it's just all about the balance and priorities. What comes first? What comes second?

And then if you sacrifice enough, then you can have time to uh what are we doing yeah you definitely have to schedule you know you definitely have to have the balance um you know yeah you have to schedule the the sex time you have to schedule the family time the schedule the couple time you know work has its own schedule so you know in terms of all those things it's always a balancing act and in the ls is just another part of that and sometimes it's harder to balance than others sometimes it's easy when you don't have a ton on all your different plates but then when things start to pile up then it is a little bit harder hey when when you have work time it's it's work time you know you don't have time to play you know it's unless you get sexy tech well yeah well that's That's what you get sexy tech.

Yeah, well, you interrupt my work. I'm trying to work. Do you want me to not text you anything? No, and no one else can send me pictures or lewd messages either, so stop doing that.

But we had a night out not too long ago with a couple of couples, You know, a few couples, the one from um you know we uh we had a night out and then not too long ago with a couple of couples you know a few couples the one from you know about 60 miles south and uh central california and one in the bay area and you know and and they both had children both sets you know they did yeah we had the older children which was usually we i feel like we usually we have the younger kids but now we have the older kids and theirs were babies that means we're getting old yeah so we're we're the older older couple with the kids but we all had kids and you know we we chatted about it it was part of the dinner conversation but you know we we still had time to you know drink and dance and have fun and um we had a great we had a good time that night we did and you know and we don't you know we don't discriminate we like uh couples that you know have kids and we uh play with them we have couples that don't have kids and play with them too so you know it doesn't it doesn't matter it's just kind of what whatever your family is that that's your family and and kids are just part of some people's lives and they're part of our lives and we just, we toss them in the mix.

Not like in the mix. No, not figuratively, no. We, yeah, we got to keep... In the conversation. Keep there, and we usually have to keep their stuff ahead of our stuff or else, you know, kids. Oh, yeah, adult wants aren't kid needs. Yeah. So, that being said, we do find time to party, and we will be partying in Mexico very soon. We love the work you do, C&D, if you can call it work. If you're having fun, you're not working. I know. You guys are funny. You guys are the funniest. Congratulations on all your guys' success. You're great. Comedy. And informational. Yep, no doubt.

And sometimes instructional.

So hopefully hopefully we contributed something i'm not sure what but uh to the conversation but you know you can you got kids for adult time and and that's that with that see you later c and d bye bye cheers kelly couple appreciate that and thank you so much for adding a bit of humor i love the fact that you guys are uh you know managing your wet blankets managing the lifestyle cheers okay couple number three p and a from the midwest now these guys are really interesting in how they've approached the lifestyle and how they've approached parenthood actually they've been together for 15 years so i think they were high school sweethearts or thereabouts because Thank you.

Thank you. Bye-bye. These guys are really interesting in how they've approached the lifestyle and how they've approached parenthood, actually. They've been together for 15 years, so I think they were high school sweethearts or thereabouts, because these guys are young and sexy and fun and hot and fit and just great people to be around.

They have a young family, two young kids, and it's hilarious because, well, not hilarious, a bit of a point of difference that they talk about joining the lifestyle really quickly after actually starting their family and and the struggles that I guess come along with having very young children in the lifestyle as well as wanting to again balance that time you know you're dealing with having young young children who perhaps have a lot higher needs than other kids and really how did they get into this? How did they balance it? And really interesting story. So thanks very much, P&A.

Really appreciative of you guys sending this through. Thanks for participating. Thanks for joining in. And thank you so much for coming along to Desire. It was great to meet you and we really hope we get to spend some more time with you guys again in the future. Cheers. Hi, I'm P. And I'm A. And we're here to talk about what it's like being parents in the lifestyle. So do you want to give a little bit of background on who we are? Sure. So we live in the Midwest. We've been together for about 15 years, married for 10, and we've been in the lifestyle for the last four. Right.

We have two young kids. We had them in the years leading up to getting into the lifestyle, which doesn't seem to be too common.

Most people seem to have older kids or already raised their kids and kids and had them leave but in our case we literally jumped into it right after having babies and you know we uh we we recognized with uh a lot of a lot of our friends around our age that they they sort of stopped having their own relationship with each other and it all just it became 100 percent about the, and it just, it didn't seem like a super healthy, uh, healthy relationship between the parents. Right.

Like we, we want to be more than just parents because we, we want to keep our relationship strong and solid that the kids are not always going to be here. You know, they're going to grow up and lead their own lives so we want to make sure our relationship is strong and you know continue like our adventures yeah like each other and being adventurous and just having fun yeah well we we love the time that we get away from our kids too so it it's not like, you know, I don't think that the lifestyle like save the marriage or it didn't, it wasn't anything crazy like that.

We had, uh, we've always had a solid relationship, always had a solid sex life. There's not been any problems there, but, um, but if anything, we'd fantasize about this for years, even before we got into it, even before we had kids.

And so, um, we, it was just sort of no-brainer it's like wow that seems like it could be a lot of fun and a common hobby that we can you know share and and we do we talk about it all the time um yeah so it's a little difficult um having young kids it's i mean they're they're pretty young so we can have conversations in front of them that they don't know what we're talking about yeah it's pretty easy so far yeah but you know as they get older i'm sure they're going to wonder hey you know you know if we say now we're going out with friends they're going to ask us well who are you going out with yeah they don't care who are these friends you?

They get to hang out with their friends and family and be away from mom and dad, so it's like a vacation for them, too. Yeah, so as they get older, I'm sure we're going to have to come up with some better stories and, you know, I guess explain it a little better and come up with... We have to be more sly. Right, yes, more sly. They're going to have more questions.

They're going to have more suspicions, which is a concern like there's always a chance that they're gonna learn what a swinger is and sort of you know start piecing the puzzle together and asking us why we you know we go out with all these people they barely know or they don't see terribly often other than you know when we go out with them and so um i don't know it's probably going to be more of a challenge but we just haven't had to with it yet, but definitely a concern sometime down the line that we're going to have to, you know, face that or become more and more careful about how we handle the stuff around them.

Yeah. I'm not that concerned about it now, but we'll see.

Um, so when we go out with people, we, you know, we'll, we'll meet up with them and, um and um you know set up all these dates and have all these conversations and everything it's it's something we have to plan obviously because we have kids we can't just leave them um we've had a lot of people that we've talked to who don't have kids and who are a little bit more spontaneous and who will a lot more spontaneous right and they'll message us like that afternoon and say hey we're going to such and such you guys want to go out you know we'd love to yeah that sounds like an amazing time but we can't because we have our kids at home it's it's not nearly as easy to just drop everything or you know find a sitter last minute and we have had instances where we found ourselves without kids and then wish that there was somebody trying to be spontaneous that night but it's not always you know not always going to be the case but most most of the time we're we're you know we got to be the boring you know typical parents to yeah we have to plan we have to plan for these types of things so we we get to do something at least, you know, once or twice a month.

Yeah. We're, we're lucky. We're not, we're, you know, it's not super rare for us, but, but yeah, we definitely value the time that we spend doing this. And, um, we make an effort to set things up in advance. And if our, you know, I'd say our experience has been that like other couples who have kids seem to relate more to that situation. We've, we've had contact with other couples who didn't have kids who would, you know, several times they would try and invite us to something spontaneous and we would love to, we just, you know, we're just not able to. And so we sort of lose touch with them.

I think probably they just get tired of, you know, waiting for us to make it out with them.

But, um, and that's totally understandable, but's totally understandable but um yeah that's that's just sort of what we've experienced just the other other couples with kids tend to be a little bit more on our wavelength i guess you could say when it comes to you know the dating and the planning ahead and things like that i understand we have to get a sitter and we can't just drop everything to hang out um it is a little difficult because we like to get to know people before we play with them yeah and because we only get to hang out with people once or twice a month it's it becomes difficult because you know we get to know somebody and then maybe you can play the next month or two down the road it's just it's very much a planning process and you know it it takes the spontaneity out of it but yeah you know it's an extra factor you have to consider right it's just something you have to deal with now those situations always have that awkward ending too like at the end of the night where you're you know you can kind of tell people are wanting to play but it's just not in the cards because you know you have to go relieve a sitter right you have a sitter you have you once to be like can we just go have a quickie in the car and is that okay can we just go do that uh but usually not going to be the case yeah and we we try as much as we can to get overnight sitters because we like to host at our house so we'll invite a couple back to our house um for some play time but if we can't do that and they have a sitter at their house too we have a sitter there's not really much we can do so yeah all right well thanks for having us cnd thanks cnd see you in november now you've heard of these guys before this is b and j from missouri they've got two kids i really don't know how i managed to not constantly call them blowjob or blowy or bj give me a bj i just i i kind of refrain from that i think i might need to step it up a little bit and uh you know stop being so goddamn polite give d a blowjob give somebody a blowjob we love blow jobs okay all right i'll move on so they're from missouri uh they have two kids he travels away for work uh occasionally as well and um they're also talking about how to balance their own time as well as how to balance family time they do run around a lot the kids are involved they're actively involved in different activities just constantly i just really it comes when we, when we talk about this sort of stuff, when I meet these people, I'm like, how on earth do you guys actually do it?

You know, I struggle to feed myself. I'm struggling to get my own lunches prepared and my bed made. So, I mean, kudos to you guys. It's just an absolute amazement to me how how you manage to you know have you have your work roles have your children activities actually have your house in order and then somehow manage to find time for your own relationship and yourself it's just mind-boggling so thanks b and j from missouri and uh yeah i hope you guys enjoy listening to them I'm B. Oh, we're going to just go like this now, aren't we? What? Like what? I like when you're talking to me. I'm Bea.

You are? I'm Jay. We're from Missouri, and we're the parents of two fantastic children. Yes. We have a 14-year-old daughter and an 11-year-old son.

C&D, from Swinging Down Under, asked us to talk about how we balance our lifestyle fund with the responsibilities and privileges of being a parent they did and most of the responsibilities and coordination for the child care that comes along with are going out and doing things for fun it does fall on jay and she has to to juggle who's going to take care of the kids for which day that we're going on a trip, like to desire, and so that's a struggle for her. It's a struggle, but it's part of my job, and I don't mind it.

But it does become a challenge sometimes when the kids prefer one household over the other, but we don't want to burn out our family babysitters. So, try to keep everything balanced. What about what the lifestyle is for us, do you think, has an impact on our parenting abilities or relationship with our kids? Definitely. You and I have talked about this many times, that not only is our communication better between the two of us, but it's better, I feel like we communicate better with our kids and we're better listeners to them than we were before.

And because of that, the time that we do spend together as a family is more quality time in that we have more in-depth conversations and I feel like they are able to express themselves knowing that we are good listeners. That's how I think that the lifestyle has affected our parenting skills for the better, for sure. So this is a little bit of a loaded question then.

If we look at the amount of time and effort we spend on coordinating lifestyle fun, because we have to coordinate a calendar for a date and travel two hours to go to where most of our lifestyle friends are at, do you think that there's a detriment to our children because of the time we spend away from them? I told you it's a loaded question. It is a loaded question. I don't think so because, one, they are getting to spend quality time with grandparents and aunts and uncles or even college babysitters who we find, I have interviewed them personally, so I know that they are good role models.

And so I feel like they get something out of those relationships. Plus, the two kids themselves have more time with each other. And so they get to do fun things with grandma together or fun things with the babysitter together. Not that they wouldn't do those things with us, but I don't feel they are deprived. I feel, I think that if we felt that way, I don't, I think we would either cut back on our lifestyle adventures or we would take a break from it. And we certainly have missed opportunities in the lifestyle with parties or get togethers with friends because there wasn't the balance.

or because there was something that was you know important to the kids or but we but in turn we have missed a few things like like when we plan a trip to desire we don't always know what's going to be in the kids on the kids calendars during that time and again I look at it as well grandma gets to do this really fun thing that normally I would do with the kids at their school or what have you, but she gets to do it. And so now they will have that memory with her.

One of the big benefits that I think us being in the lifestyle has for our personal relationship between myself and Jay is that we clearly can communicate better than we could before. And we clearly like being around each other. And we have fun with that. We laugh and crack jokes and the kids see us being goofy. And sometimes they'll look at us funny when we start going out. And they're going out again. And Jay always responds to our daughter.

I usually say, yes, we're going out and they're going out again and jay always responds to our daughter i i usually say um yes we're going out again because we want to spend some close quality time with them and would you rather us be fighting right would you rather us be angry at each other all the time so i i think the lifestyle has helped us become more of an example of a healthy relationship between a mom and a dad, and that is something that I would hope that our children, when they grow up and are looking for their own relationships, take value in, to realize how important communication is and fun and being able to be who you are.

Thank you. take value in, to realize how important communication is and fun and being able to be who you are. And honestly, we don't hide when we do have a disagreement in something. We don't always hide the whole argument. I mean, we don't fight in front of them. But if we do have a disagreement and we are communicating better about it, I like to let them hear that process of what it is we're disagreeing about and how we talk and how we listen to each other and how we get through it and move forward. So this is BJ signing off. Bye. Awesome. Thank you so much.

And now next we have actually a really, another, well, everybody's interesting, but another interesting couple, Mr. and Mrs. NV also joined us at Desire. Now they both have really interesting jobs. I really can't give the game away too much. I can't really talk about their jobs, but both of them have interesting jobs. They travel for work as well and really have a lot to manage in terms of their schedule. I think at the moment they're even doing some house renovations or kind of doing that.

So, you know, they've got a family going, they've got traveling jobs, trying to spend some time with each other, running businesses as well as house renovations and then trying to fit the lifestyle in amongst all of that.

I mean, again, kudos to you guys because that's just making me exhausted sitting here in front of a microphone just talking about it so good job i am in awe of you people and let's hear from them see how they actually manage the lifestyle as well as their children thanks guys hi this is mr envy and this is mrs, and we've been asked to do a special segment for the Swinging Down Under podcast, and we're very excited to do it.

We've been in the lifestyle for about two years, depending on how you mark time, and the first thing I want to talk about is the fact that we've moved to a different life stage. So now that we're in our 40s, we're not having kids anymore. So sex doesn't have this childbearing component to it. And now it's just for pleasure. And we've had to ask ourselves now, what do we want to make of our sex life during this stage of life? Right. Because, you know, back when we were having kids, you know, we have four of them.

All the pregnancies were very difficult with lots of medical complications, which kind of put a halt to our sex life. And, um, now that that stage is over and all the medical issues are taken care of, um, now we can focus on just having pleasurable sex. Right. And of course there's raising kids too, which brings a lot of stress to the household and they have a lot of needs. Yes, they do. And with all of the needs of the kids and when you would come to me and that was just one more need added to the list.

Right, and that was difficult for us, but we worked it out and we, uh, we discovered that our, our sexual desires wired differently. I mean, I could shut the kids out in a moment's notice. It's like I didn't even have kids, but I couldn't tune it out as easily. And of course I didn't want to be overheard by the children. So also, um, our oldest child does know about our hobby so why don't you talk about how that came about sweetie uh yes when i went to go visit her um uh she was expressing that her and her fiance were kind of having a lull in their sex life.

And in order to spruce it up, they decided to experiment with some of the fantasies that they had. But she was having a lot of shame and guilt in experimenting with those. And to help her eliminate some of that shame and guilt, I told her our little secret. And that made her feel better. It did. And she was at first shocked with a little grin on her face. But then she became intrigued and asked a lot of questions. And I answered them as best as I could. And And then I gave her some resources to kind of dive into it and see what it was all about on her own.

I, uh, directed her to swinging down on her podcast and we got a thing and swing our tires. And those podcasts have really helped us a lot, you know, as we've moved through the lifestyle. So we figured it'd work for her too. Um, You know, on that topic, you know, we have other kids and we've discovered that we've had to redo the sex talks we've had with them because I think before we focused really on the dangers of sex.

And when you focus on danger all the time, it's hard for someone's sexual desire to work correctly because every time they get into a sexual situation, you know, the danger signals go off. And along with that, there was a lot of shame and guilt. And, you know, we were young parents. I guess we just didn't know how to talk to our kids about sex and we weren't comfortable with our own sexualities. Right. And that's how I grew up. And we just wanted to break that cycle. Right. Breaking the cycle. And it's, it's really never too late.

And as a matter of fact, I just had a four hour conversation with, um, with one of our daughters who's in her twenties and I was doing some work on her house and we started talking about her sex life and specifically exactly what her sex life was about.

And she had some questions and some difficulties and things she was struggling with and it was hard to hear some of the specifics but I really tried to listen to her like I'd listen to anyone else and talk to her like I'd talk to anyone else and it it strengthened our relationship it made her trust us more and no matter how hard it was to hear what she had to say oh yeah she comes to me quite a bit now with a little more details than I'd like to know, but I've got to keep that straight face and those lines of communications open.

But now that our kids are older, though, it allows a little more freedom for us. Oh, sure. To travel and have our fun.

Now, that daughter doesn't know though right no no i don't think she's mature enough to know so she's kind of suspicious at times i think oh yeah but i can look at her with that straight face and pretty much uh make up something on the fly that's pretty plausible so even though we're talking about being open and honest with our communication with our children about sex you're lying to her is that what you're saying well yeah you don't want to know right i don't want her to know sometimes you got to do what you got to do right the timing's not right and at some point down the road i'm sure she will either discover or will tell her i hope we tell her before she just discovers it Yeah yeah i mean i give it a few more years um but um yeah i'm not ready to i'm not ready to tell her yet no neither am i so you know we're we're looking forward to the next you know stage of life where we're just focusing on us and uh our kids are more self-sufficient now gives us a lot of freedom.

And I know the kids were referred to as wet blankets in a previous segment, which we totally agree with. They can be. They really can be. However, we're trying to let our exploration of our sexuality inform how we teach and educate our children. Oh, yeah, most definitely.

Well, thanks for listening to our segment, and appreciate the opportunity thank you for listening okay last but not least now these guys are hilarious they actually sent us this email and they said we are literally recording at the airport we wanted to send this through to you we've had no time because of our wet blankets we're traveling all over the place we're dealing with making lunches business stuff trying to fit in sexy holidays personal time relationship time and it's just a nightmare so they were sitting at the airport recording this for us so thank you so much guys this is FNP also from California now these guys have three kids I don't know how the hell they're doing it great effort guys thank you very much for coming down and spending some time with us Thank you very much for coming down and spending some time with us in Cancun recently.

I mean, the fact that you can manage and deal with schedules and actually come in and get away for yourself as well, spend some time to actually take yourselves out of the house, out of your, your, uh, parental requirements and then come along and actually have some, some fun. I know that you guys actually spent some downtime at Desire as well. You spent some downtime kind of just enjoying being able to be on your own, being together, actually having some drinks and really just enjoying the day, the afternoon and the evening.

So we really appreciate you sitting at the airport and sending this along. I mean airports are are not exactly a happy place, so cheers for that. And we really appreciate it. And, of course, you've got some definite insight here.

So we hope that you guys enjoy listening to FNP and hope that you get something out of this and maybe spark some conversation of your own or, you know, really just actually have some insight into how other people are actually managing their lifestyle journey so I'm going to hand over to these guys now because they know what they're talking about they managed to have three humans and at no point are they sort of well I guess they're actually probably in a permanent state of out of control and chaos but let's just see from them anyway okay thanks guys hi this is FNP from California.

And we've been in the lifestyle for about three years. But we do have kids. Three of them. Three of them. So it's very hard to actually have frequent experiences. It takes a lot of planning. And I think because of that, or because of the lack of frequency, each experience, maybe there's added pressure to make sure it's a good one. A little bit, because we don't know when the next opportunity is going to come around.

So trying to balance that and go into a date or an event with low expectations when you've been kind of planning this for a long time it is hard to to balance and we have to kind of continually talk about that right each day we need to work around you know kids sports activities other family commitments school school work and our kids range and age from 23 to 9 yeah so they keep us busy in many different ways lots of different ways we're out of the diaper stage at least yeah at least we're getting some sleep but yeah it's it's really hard and i think the other aspect is we're very social and we share a lot with our kids we're very open as a family and so not being specific about what we're doing is really challenging right that's a great point yeah I think the different kids like realize that there's something up in different ways yeah like where are you going oh we're meeting friends oh well what friends oh well you don't know them well how come we don't know them where are you going to dinner oh that's not what daddy said sorry we're in an airport so but yeah so those are some of the challenges like mostly time logistics setting realistic expectations we're operating on little sleep just got back from bourbon and beyond in louisville Thank you.

like mostly time logistics setting realistic expectations we're operating on little sleep just got back from bourbon and beyond in louisville kentucky um but some positives i think having kids and the lifestyle are well because we have different age ranges we somewhat have built-in babysitters so we can go away for four days and leave the nine-year-old with the 23-year-old and they're good. Right. So that's like, that's very helpful for us. Right. But even that, we don't want to take too much advantage of it. Right. Because then that, you know, we're not being responsible parents.

Here, take care of the little one. Yeah.

I think for me, that always comes into responsible parent being a responsible parent and so we won't do lifestyle things two weekends in a row maybe not even three so we're more every couple of months right actually the last so the last time we actually did anything was back in july yep and it was you know two and a half months of planning until this next event um and i think you know with each experience we have i think we realize that you know we do enough homework to have homework no maybe not homework we get to know people enough to to you know to to feel comfortable to spend time doing that like is this going gonna be right is this is this how we want to spend our time exactly yeah right that's always a question always right is this how we want to spend our limited free time mm-hmm that comes into play play yeah so yeah I think you know the lifestyle and kids I mean most people do most people do have them and it's doable.

You can do it. You can have fun. You can have great experiences. There's just a little more logistical planning involved. And if anyone has advice on great answers to where are you going? Who are you going with? When will you come back?

We're still trying to find those and not be vague yeah how come you're going to dinner and not coming back until 2 a.m right or how come you're not coming back anyway um so thanks cnd for for the topic and the amazing podcast we have learned so much from from many people that podcast out there and um our experiences i think are enriched and enlightened because of other information yeah it's been very helpful yeah all right cheers we're catching flights yeah our voices are yeah our voices are not normal they're tired our voices are not normal. They're tired. They're, yeah. Yeah, too much fun.

Yeah. If that's possible. Exactly. All right. Okay, bye. See you soon. Bye.