P52 — Meet in the Middle with We Gotta Thing

Transcript

Hi there, my name is C. I'm Dee and you're listening to Swinging Down Under. Our journey is a couple through the swinging lifestyle. Are you into open relationships or exploring new things in life? This is our podcast. Experiences, both good and bad, reviews and events and more here's Swinging Down Under. Come on, join us. This is C. And this is Dee. And this is Swinging Down Under. Welcome to episode 52 of the Swinging Down Under podcast. You sure it's 52? I'm positive. Not 53? No. We are actually, well, did we say we got a little thing? We got a thing? We've got a big thing.

We got a big thing. We're even dreaming about some of the things. We are joined by some very special guests this morning, today, and I'll let them introduce themselves. The sexiest voice on iTunes and, of course... And the sexiest cock. No, he knows how to find it. Most beautiful. It's the most beautiful.

most beautiful cock in the sexiest voice yeah we're actually uh we're podcasting in the past 12 hours in the past that's right we're in a little time time travel here yeah so we are i'm mr jones and i'm mrs jones and we are from the we got a thing podcast and our good friends c and d invited us for some reason to join them tonight um on the podcast but we're happy to do that we're excited to be here i do love the tonight and that we just had a discussion about every time we catch up it's uh drinks of martinis in one end and coffee at the other i know yeah that's okay in just a few months we'll be in the same time zone that is exactly correct i think it's 94 days right now actually not that anyone's counting i think you're right nice except uh our time frame we because we are living in the future we are 12 hours yeah closer i was shorter than you yeah technically but you, let's see how we go.

So what are we talking about today? You know what? The first thing I wanted to talk about was actually swing style. And the reason this actually came up was that we've been having some conversations with some people and they were talking about how one person might have a different swing style to their partner.

And it got me really thinking about how do you negotiate what your swing style is for starters but then second to that what if there's two people that have varying swing styles and what I mean from that is I mean I think we've all mentioned it multiple times we like to have a little bit more of a deeper connection with people not necessarily polyamorous relationships with people but you know certainly friendships and well not at all polyamorous not at all polyamorous but uh having a deeper deeper connection with people but before we kind of you know take anything to to a more intimate level but what if one person is wanting that and the other person just wants to have one night stands i mean it's a pretty big deal breaker right is there a question in there that is a question there was an inflection at the end question you're you're australian there's always an inflection that's how we talk how are you mate every every sentence is a question that's true and because what do you guys think well because we're on video skype her eyebrows did arch at the end of the sentence too so it was definitely an inflection and a question d of course i'm you know i'm always going to take c's side anyway so d i got your back though no worries am i allowed to have your front is it that's quid pro quo and uh what is it 90 93 days 94 days yes yay so I I want to ask uh In, what is it, 93 days, 94 days?

Yes. Yay! So I want to ask maybe a question before that one, because it dawned on me that as we're talking about having this discussion as a couple, what would you have talked about when you first wanted to come into the lifestyle?

Like, if I'm describing what it want from it and you're describing what you want from it then we would probably know long before you get to the point where you're in it and have a disagreement of where each other were coming from so and i don't even know that is if you do this in the right order which many right i mean a lot of times you don't know what you're supposed to talk about. Yeah. You know, and therein lies a problem because then you get into a situation and then in the situation you realize that you guys are not in the same place. And that can be.

If you've listened to our first podcast, you will understand how badly we got it on the way in.

We really understand where we where we both wanted to be to the point where um so you got herself in a little bit of i'm going to say hot water because it was a jacuzzi so um you got yourself in a little bit of hot water with with um penis and balls swinging around you it's not just that you it's not just that you don't know what to talk about you really don't even know what swinging is at that point right you've decided hey let's maybe dip our toes in let's talk about this I mean you don't even know that maybe there are different kinds of swing styles you don't have really any just any topics to know what to talk about you don't know what questions to ask each other I think you're exactly right yeah and you know it um when we were about a year in we we didn't have different play styles but we were kind of um progressing at different rates and like we were a soft swap couple at this time, at this point in time, and I was ready to move on and Mr.

Jones was not. And I had to tiptoe so carefully through those conversations because I was so afraid that he was going to think either that I thought he was a baby and couldn't handle it, which wasn't the case at all, or that he wasn't providing something for me that I thought I could get from somebody else. And I was so afraid he would think that. So we, we were kind of at different places in our play styles, not really wanting different outcomes, but just couldn't get on the same page.

And that was really, um, it was really kind of awkward and a little bit scary because you want to have these conversations but at the same time you don't want to hurt the other person yeah and and my first thought is oh well you know whenever there's a disagreement between the partners then you just always do what the female wants right but? What was that quote you read last night? See, there was a quote you read out to me, or a joke, sorry. Oh, I don't. Something like, oh, I can't remember. Oh, it was about computer license agreements, actually. It says that...

The similarities between computer licensing agreements and... Yeah, you read basically the computer licensing agreements and at the end you've forgotten everything that's occurred and you just tick yes and accept and agree and move on that's exactly yeah exactly yeah but i thought that was that was in that was from dad jokes of the day i believe which is something you follow on twitter which i get i get barrage with every evening these pathetic dad jokes hey i've got to hang out with my peeps, babe.

But I think when we were going through that, from my perspective, the way that we started in the lifestyle was I wanted to see Mrs. Jones with another woman. And so to get from that mindset all the way into the mindset that I wanted to play with another woman to I wanted a full swap with a woman. That was a lot of ground to cover in my mind. So I think it took me a little bit longer, not because it wasn't what I wanted. It's just that I just wasn't ready for it or didn't completely understand it at the time. But Mrs.

Jones, you were very, very good about being patient and not making me feel like it was three against one when we got into a situation where there was a full-swap couple. You could have very easily encouraged me to step out of my comfort zone and do that, but you never did that. I swallowed my impatience very well. So what advice would you guys give to a couple that's maybe, you know, they've been talking about this, they've entered the lifestyle, maybe they're even a year in and they're starting to really uncover maybe what they want out of the lifestyle.

And they do hit a crossroad where it is a little bit different. One person might not want to form any relationships. You know, they're concerned about that emotional connection. So they really just want to date a couple for a night and then move on quickly. And then the other person may maybe want to take it a little bit more slow and form that connection a little bit deeper before they play.

Yeah, I mean, I think my advice, unfortunately, is a little bit deeper before they play yeah i mean i think my advice unfortunately is a little bit there's no magic pill you know and there's no magic answer that's going to get you so i always go back to the individual i think you mentioned like what if somebody was more of a sexual swinger and and what if somebody was more of a social swinger well if if mrs jones to approach me and she just wants to have sex, the first thing, instead of going to that issue, I would say, well, why is it that that's what you want to do?

What is it about that idea excites you or turns you on? And what about the social side of it that is that you don't like it?

So I think as anything else in the lifestyle we have to examine ourselves as individuals first to try to understand the why behind the what and then if i can understand that and it makes sense to me because if you don't explain that to me i'm going to imagine what that answer is and sometimes what i would imagine is just going to make it a little bit more difficult yeah oh boy okay i gotta follow that huh yeah you're up mrs jones first the philosophy philosophy i don't even know how to say that the philosophy the philosopher just stop trying to say those it's the philosophy is it philosophic out of that that sounds awesome that's what it is from now on in new word philosophic Thank you.

Stop trying to say those. Is it philosophic? Where do we get phallic out of that? That sounds awesome. That's what it is from now on in. New word, philosophic. Leave it to a guy that's come up with that one. So at the end of the day, you have to remember that swinging is a hobby. It's fun. It's a great, like I guess release, but it has nothing to do with your relationship as far as it's not worth the risk of damaging relationships. So you've got to kind of move at the pace of the slower partner, um, whether you're okay with that or not.

And, and you've got to communicate, I mean, and then the slower partner has the responsibility of, of giving like really honest reasons for why they're hesitant to do, you know, whatever it is that is causing the, um, I guess confusion or the, the disagreement.

Um, but gosh, as far as like the social versus like hookup swingers, that's a's a great question i don't know what you would do if you had two people in in those two corners um yeah i suppose part of the part of the foundation for why c's asking this question is we've identified a couple of well a few individual couples here in Singapore that we think might have that sort of dynamic inside them at the moment which which we found interesting because we've generally been on the same generally beyond been on the same path um I say generally because there's always the hiccups along the way in that of course but um there's certainly been some couples we've we've met here who are very much not even in this in a similar vein the way that their play styles are very different so well can i ask you about that the when you when you're having the conversations with those couples initially, and as you get to know them, are they on the same page when you meet them and then gradually you discover the differences?

Or are they just right up front, you can tell that they're not on the same page? Some are, some aren't, to be honest.

We've had certainly some of the parties we've been been to here there's been couples who are not on the same page at all and are not aware of the the fact that they're not on the same page to the point where we're sitting chatting with the lady and the man comes out of the playroom and and says why are you not in the playroom and she says well I'm actually enjoying the conversation out here I'm really enjoying getting to know these people you know and he then in a huff turns around and walks back into the playroom so so you know that's the obviously the the top end of the spectrum there's the other end as well where we've where we certainly have some people in our in our lives that we know that they are they play differently and in some cases it's not just the sexual side of things it might be the BDSM or you know there's other there's another fetish that one of them is into that the other isn't now it for me it always plays potentially two ways either a really big a really big fight at some point in the future or that that exposure to something new that the other partner has not been involved in you know like for example me coming into this lifestyle i had the same idea as uh as you mr jones in that i was interested in in seeing see with a woman and then very quickly i realized it was in fact the other way around so that was some learning along the way for me that exposed c to some new some new things as well and i think if it were say bdsm or something a bit even harder in that direction, then perhaps it might open the couple up to something different that they've never been exposed to before.

But I think that's probably the rarity. Normally, it ends in a fairly big fight. I guess to answer your question, though, Mr Jones, we have met also couples that we've been talking to for a little while.

And then later on, we've then kind of either us or they they have uncovered that you know their their style is slightly different and what i mean by that is it might take um in this example that i'm thinking of in my mind it takes the lady a little while to she's a bit shy um you know not not so much an extrovert it takes her a bit of time to feel like she's made that connection and warmed up enough to then progress things to the next level. Her partner, on the other hand, he is more interested in kind of, you know, just throwing it out there.

He will openly just be, yeah, I'm interested in playing with these people and quite quickly, you know, he's making that transition. For her, it's taken a little bit more time. You know, she might want to meet for drinks first and then possibly play on the second date.

And so what they're going through at the moment is really trying to, yeah, as you said, understanding the reasons why, you know, what is it that either turns one person on or turns the other person off or what's the background to it, you know, to try and understand, well, how do we move on from here is the next thing yeah see see i think i'm sorry go ahead i was going to say because we talk a lot about compromise uh always and in relationships compromise and communication but you know really it can be a bit of a tough conversation because i guess there how do you meet in the middle is my question know, how do you meet in the middle between those two possibly very different scenarios?

Yeah, I don't, I don't think you have to, well, let me, let me go back again. Based on what you just described, see, we've been in that situation before. And what I normally do is if, and I did this the first time we were at desire there was a gentleman and his wife that we became friends with and he was much more outgoing than she was and he made it very clear that he was interested to the point that he pulled me aside and he said look i know she's really quiet but i just want to let you know that she's interested in you and if you went over and and kissed her, she would be okay with that.

And my first thought was, I was too much of a newbie to say it, but my thought was, you know what? I need to hear that from her. And so we're not going to go forward with a lot of comfort until, then I'll test the waters. Then I'll walk over and have a conversation with her, but I'll do it in a way that is more gentle and not I don't know.

then i'll test the waters then i'll walk over and have a conversation with her but i'll do it in a way that is more gentle and you know not as a as assertive as he was you know to try to get a feel for whether that's the case or not but going back to um d's scenario when you have when you're at a party and you're talking to one partner and the other one comes out of the playroom and says, well, I'm in here playing. What are you doing? That red flag is a different red flag. I don't think that's a play style red flag.

I think that's a relationship red flag because the conversation could have gone, oh, hey, I didn't know you were out here. Who are you talking to? You know, look, I want to meet you guys. I'll be right back. I'm almost And, and I really want to come back and sit down and chat with you. If there would have been the respect to his partner and to you all, I would have thought that this is simply a difference in play style, but there's relationship is solid and you handle it one way.

But if clearly they're not respecting each other, that's a bigger red flag because I don't even know that you take a step further because you're walking into something that's going to be a lot more drama filled because there's obviously something that's not happening between the two of them that needs to occur for you to get into that negotiation yeah we certainly left that party oh that's um scenario that dee's mentioning i mean there were there were some fundamental differences in their relationship and um that was quite obvious, you know.

Actually, at that party, I think there were fundamental differences between a lot of people's relationships. It was a really interesting dynamic, something I don't wish to repeat, actually, in terms of... He sent me back in for our swinger bag.

He left, and i had to go back in and get our swinger bag and sort of say to the host like thanks for inviting us but you know so he sent me back into the lion's den thanks d you made it back out of vagina so which so don't you think don't you think if you're a couple and you have different play styles and you know that and you go out together you would would have some sort of a conversation about, OK, tonight I'm I'm open to this and I know we're going to this event and we may see this these people and we either know them or so depending on the circumstances, you might have a conversation ahead of time and say, OK, normally that's not in my comfort zone.

But tonight, if we happen to see this particular couple, I know you really like her. And I know you really like playing separate and I don't. So maybe I can be in the next room. You know, there would be some sort of conversation ahead of time. Then when you get there, the conversation would go like, hey, you know, this is who we are up front. You know, this is my style. This is her style. We're a little bit different. Here's our situation. How does this sound to you? Is it something that you guys can have an interest in? Or is it just something that's going to be way out of bounds for you?

So I think it's the conversation ahead of time.

And then the way that you convey that to people that you're really going to respect and honor as other humans bringing that you know bringing them into the situation you should be really out up front about where you're coming from i think i agree with everything you said well how about that i know shoo actually did you just click the agree and continue button actually i think i did uh thank you mr jones you actually just mentioned i guess up until this point i was thinking that you would have to come to some sort of agreement or one person's coming to an agreement to that level or vice versa i mean i guess what i failed to think about during my um these scenarios is maybe that they're completely okay having two separate styles and they make it work.

You know, that's obviously something that could happen too. It doesn't always have to be that they have to go one way or the other. Compromise doesn't always have to meet in the middle. Yeah. Well, and if they came to you and said that, you could write back, say to them, okay, well, how have you done this in the past? Have you found couples that have agreed to, you know, do this? And how, what did it look like?

And, you know, kind of, it's your right, you know, to probe a little bit and to try to get a little bit under the hood, because if you're going to make yourself vulnerable to them, you know, I think that's a, that's, that's a very fair question to ask awesome and so have you guys have that situation i mean are your play styles have they always been similar did you all have different approaches to this and well have you i know you've talked about experiencing with other couples but how have you two navigated that it's it's a good question actually because um d is always he he is the moving a little bit faster than me and that's just that has been you know that's been our uh in the three years we've been in the lifestyle now that's been what generally tends to happen you know we will be at dinner and an hour in he's tapping me like yeah these guys are great like let's definitely want to have sex with these guys and you know, I'm still in the stage of I haven't even maybe spoken to them both enough at this point, and I'm like, wow, you got there quick, you know.

So that is, I guess, the biggest differential for us is that he tends to be interested and they're ready for play sooner than me. It's not a massive issue by any chance because what happens is you go, he gives me the green flag of, yep, I want to progress. And if and when you're also ready, let's have the conversation about what we're then open to experiencing together with this couple.

I think there's certainly some allowances that are made in there to to answer your question mr jones you've got a you have to make allowances for the because as much as we we all like to pretend we're identical in terms of our play style even within you pair you know listening to your podcast i can hear those differences as well and mrs jones also just covered off the fact that she was a little ahead of schedule when it came to the full the full swap so i think it's about communicating the sometimes the lack of compromise as well if you're not willing to make a compromise because you wish to um progress to the next level or you wish to stay at the level you're at, then as I think you said, it's a requirement that you have the courage to voice that opinion, especially the person who isn't willing.

They really need to be forthright in projecting exactly what they want to say.

And I guess actually when we first started out in the relationship with d kind of being interested in moving forward sooner you know because you you're sort of trying to figure out what this whole thing is i mean there were times there when i felt in myself not a little bit guilty i guess is not really the right word but not not ashamed but i was kind of you know trying to trying to jazz myself up and and psych myself up to be like let's let's do it let's progress sooner he's ready you know i might not be but gosh i better i better really try to get a bit sexy and and get there quicker um you know whereas now i think what the conversations that we've now had is he will he will say, you know, hey, he's interested in taking this to the next level.

And that's not him by admission then saying, let's do it, like hurry up. That's just him saying, just so you know, this is where I'm at. I'm good. So whenever we're ready as a couple to have the conversation and I don't feel guilty about or concerned about saying I'm not there yet. you know, I need a little bit more time or dates or whatever the case may be. Or let's go out and dance some because I want to, you know, get close on the dance floor or those sorts of things. You know, I'll openly tell him that. Yeah, and I think there's a couple of things there.

I think, first of all, it depends on the relationship that you two have and what you know about each other. And I'm going to bring a couple of other friends into the scenario here because Jay and Kay from that couple next door, Jay is the driver and he'll come up with these ideas and then he'll spring them on Kay. And she'll say, what? I didn't know anything about that. And then she just goes along with it and And for them, it seems to work. And it's not really a matter of trust. It's a matter of, well, that's just the kind of person that she is.

And I think he knows that she needs a little bit of that. And she's open to that kind of prodding. And she trusts him. Well, yeah. But it's also the type of person that she is where somebody else may be angry. If you put me on the spot like that, I might get angry about it and it might ruin my whole night. And if you know that about me, you're not going to push me to that level. So I think number one is knowing your spouse. The other thing that I would throw out there is, you know, you guys are in a completely different environment than we are. You're in Singapore.

Maybe your possibilities aren't as great. You know, maybe the people that you're going to see are only in town, you know, for the weekend. So all of that comes into consideration when are you going to step out of your comfort zone and at least once or twice try it and see if after the fact, well, okay, what I learned from that is I was okay. Or what I learned from that is I'm never going to do that again, no matter what.

But I think if you're, if you don't consider your circumstances and take a little bit of a risk every once in a while, depending on where you are, you might just lose the opportunity that you had in front of you. Well, I think you just hit on something. Every once in a while, you've got to push your boundaries, both as a couple and as individuals, because you don't know if you're going to like something until you try it. And unfortunately, it's kind of scary to try some of this stuff.

Um, but if you, if you trust your partner and you've talked about it ahead of time, you know, maybe, maybe you'll, you'll do something that you didn't think you were going to do.

And I'm not saying that you should allow yourself to bend at peer pressure when you really don't want to do something, but you know if you're if your partner is very comfortable in a situation and you sense that and you trust him or her then then maybe it might be okay to just kind of see how it goes you know it if you're there with your partner things are probably going to end up somewhat okay and then you just might have to say, wow, we'll never do that again. But if I with your partner, things are probably going to end up somewhat okay.

And then you just might have to say, wow, we'll never do that again. But if I'm your partner, though, and you put that trust in me, then if I observe on the other side of the bed that something isn't going quite right, it's up to me to disengage immediately and pay you back for the trust that you put into me. If I see that you're not, okay, this isn't going well.

I see I'm not going to continue to just ignore it and finish what i'm doing over here i'm going to you know be extra sensitive to the fact that you are uncomfortable coming in and try to keep a little bit of an eye on you until i get lost until you get a scratch on the leg yeah right No, leg hair pull, leg hair pull It works on paper The leg hair pull, wow, what's going on?

My leg's caught on something yeah does you shake your leg yeah and actually we see the bald spot in the back of his leg we've had to do that before actually mr joe you are right because we live in a bit more of a transient place so there has been dates where we know that's the only opportunity to play and so we've had conversations before we've gone to the date on on you know if things go well what we want to happen or what possibly could happen and then we've come up with some sort of a you know a time or a timeline actually one time we did we only had this is a yes no scenario yeah we had like up until 2 a.m yeah and that was it the other thing to keep in mind is some of our dates have been weeknight dates as well you know these transient dates don't always happen on weekends so it's like well we've got to go to work tomorrow so if we do find this couple interesting then we need to make a decision yeah you know it can't be 4 a.m okay we're going to play now yeah which sometimes happens you know so um we we set a bit of a timeline to it just a general outline i suppose so that yeah it's not like it's wait it's 901 we haven't had the conversation quick but just a bit of just so when we're going in we have the same um the same mindset in terms of and it sounds horrible maybe the evaluation you know like yeah is this is this good for us is it not good for us do we want to continue do we not you know so we make those decisions in our own head before we disappear to the bathroom together and have a conversation about it yeah i i think though based on our experience now there are couples who not only are they not in the same place, but you just hit on the key when you said talk ahead of time, because people do not talk ahead of time.

And they don't talk ahead of time, because they know they're in different places. And so they just ignore it. And they just hope that when I get to where I'm going, either the social pressure or the environment or the alcohol or something else is going to create the opportunity So, let's get started.

that when i get to where i'm going either the social pressure or the environment or the alcohol or something else is gonna create the opportunity for me to do what i want to do so not having the courage to bring it up with your spouse or your partner is only going to make it more of a problem because you're drawing two other human beings into your circle that are going to be affected by the drama that's caused by that.

So I still think that your best bet is to try to pick out, is this really a play style difference or is this more of a fundamental relationship communication issue that they have? And if that's the case, again, the red flag goes up and you just have to retreat. You don't need to be involved in their business.

they need to fix their business before they're sharing their business with other people agreed and the further we've gotten into this lifestyle the more quickly and the more easily i think we can pick we can pick those differences now oh yeah when we first when we first started my god some of the situations we got ourselves into were just crazy you You know, looking back, I mean, looking back, you were still half naked. And I'm saying, put your clothes on. We've got to get out of here because, you know, these people are losing their mind.

And, you know, looking back now at that, there were so many red flags along the way that we just didn't have any. We didn't pick up on. Yeah.

And I can't believe i'm gonna say this because i'm gonna give jay from average swingers actually a shout out because on his last podcast or podcast before he was mentioning that um and he was sober at the time so maybe this had something to do with it but he said you know what even if it's somebody else's fault in any situation you have you bear some of the responsibility because you've chosen to be involved in it you've chosen to be in the lifestyle you've chosen to approach this couple you've chosen to try to make this happen and even though they're the ones that might be the problem, we each bear the responsibility of knowing, hey, part of this is on me.

And so a lot of times we get messages from people who like to complain about others' behavior, but we need to check ourselves a minute because we have the control over the most important part of the evening, and that's what we do. And so if there's anything that we can't quite put our finger on or can't quite understand it, then it's our responsibility to us and to our relationship to pull the plug early. And so when he said that on their podcast, the way he said it, it struck me that that's true.

Even if it's 90% somebody else, there's 10% of that responsibility that lies on us as responsible, experienced in the lifestyle, and to act upon that. Just out of interest there, just to give the listeners an understanding of the dual personality of the Jay you just mentioned there. And I believe the last time we spoke to him, he was doing the penis dance on Skype. We all heard about that. I just looked into that one today. Just so you're aware, yeah. So that's the one-minute very insightful, next-minute penis dance. That's true. Yeah. And God bless him. That's what we love about him.

Absolutely. That's right. That's what makes JJ. Yeah, it does. All right. We've been talking about some heavy topics here, but let's talk about keep it up with the Joneses. You guys have had, you know, website changes. You've had a whole heap of things going on. You've had meet and greets in New Orleans. You've obviously got the Desire trip coming up.

But I mean, you've had a whole heap of things going on you've had meet and greets in in new orleans you've obviously we've got the desire trip coming up but i mean you've had a lot of changes and i want to pause a little bit on the what's your thing uh newsletter and and chat about what you guys have been up to yeah well let's start with let's start with um life i suppose if you if you guys are willing to show up the skirt a little. Yeah, I mean, we can give you a little bit of a scoop because we're going to mention this when we record and put our next podcast out.

But I've also, so everyone knows, if you listen to us, that Mrs. Jones just retired and she's starting up um her own business and we've mentioned that we got a thing just started up a business well i've left my company um and started up my own business as well we just decided to pull the band-aid off all at once and yeah we're just we're just kind of like completely reconfiguring ourselves and i and think to a certain degree, being outed caused us to reevaluate things. And we're definitely seeing opportunities in front of us that we would not have otherwise maybe jumped into or accepted.

And so as bad as it is to be outed, and I wouldn't want anyone to go through that, it does allow you a little bit of freedom to think differently and to say, you know what, the world didn't end. I'm still here. We still have family. We still care about each other. And yes, it was rough. And so a new perspective oftentimes when it's thrust upon you, you know, makes you look at things differently. So to answer your question, we've been extremely busy, uh, doing all of that.

And the newsletter is a part of, um, you know, the, we got a thing business that we're building and we're trying to, we've made a commitment to put that out, um, weekly and you can subscribe to it on our website at we got a thing.com. And what it is, is it's, we wanted to focus on the community. We talk about ourselves a lot. And, and what we want to do is curate some, a newsletter and share different lifestyle resources out to the community so that they hear it.

So the name of the newsletter is called Finding Your Thing because we want our listeners and the readers of our newsletter to, you know, think about where they fit in the lifestyle community. You know, some people that listen to all of our podcasts are kind of living through us vicariously. So our newsletter isn't really focused completely on swinging. We just try to throw in just a lot of sex positive articles too, just to get them to be, for people to read stuff and have more of an open-minded perspective on their sexuality.

And if that ends up involving swinging lifestyle type activities between, you know with them and their partner that's great and if not um then more power to them if they if they live vicariously through us and that spices up their own sex life then you know obviously that's a good thing too yeah and we i'm sorry and we and we want to focus on, we want to help build the community up. So other podcasts, other blogs, you know, we want to share out what has influenced us as well, so that people have more than just one or two resources.

i have to say um just for the listeners again when it comes to to uh i'm gonna i'm gonna throw your let me throw your newsletter into a basket first i'll pull it back out in a second when it comes to spam i'm normally very brutal i'm the first person to scroll to the bottom and hit and hit the unsubscribe in fact when i'm surfing um sees email occasionally i unsubscribe some some things for her as well so i'm i'm very i'm very brutal when it comes to this sort of thing um because i think we've all got a you know we've all got a limited amount of time in our day to actually uh look at this look at anything i um we've had a number now from you i'm i'm going to say i've three four or five in total because there were a few sporadically early earlier on yeah yeah that was the old format right yeah yeah but um i'm still subscribed so that's a just just a feather in the cap i've not yet even scrolled down to the bottom to the unsubscribe area so just so you're aware that's really high praise thank you and if you do unsubscribe mrs jones will be the first to know pardon me yeah it is um it is very interesting stuff and you and you're right one of the things i enjoy about it is that it's not all about swinging some of the some of the little factoids and things that pop up in in the in the newsletter are quite good so um yeah i dare say with your extra time you guys are spending spending a lot of time surfing surfing the web to find some interesting stories because there are some interesting definitely some interesting stuff in there yeah it's it's a little bit more work but it's a lot of fun and we feel like it's worth it and we we we want feedback, so we want to hear from the people who are getting it.

No problem. Well, look, before I unsubscribe, I'll be sure to let you know. Yeah. Hey, Dee, let me give you a little bit of advice. You might want to unsubscribe after the Desire trip. Oh, okay. Yes. Yeah, because you don't want Mrs.

Jones to be on want mrs jones to be on your bad side that's right picking up yeah i agree i agree no so it has it is again if you're not signed up to everyone out there have a look at it see what you think i've certainly been quite impressed yeah especially with the new format and you're absolutely right as well i mean you don't have to be you don't have to be a swinger or you don't have to be in the lifestyle to appreciate some of the information that's available out there on the internet you know that it could be simple things like for us for example you know some exposure to some new sex toys and and things that we can enjoy together in the bedroom you know i mean it's all about experiencing things together coming together um for for us And I think that's been a subset of the lifestyle is that we have kind of become a little bit more open to experiencing new things together on our own as well as then what we do, obviously, with other people.

So, you know, you don't have to be a swinger to really look at this sort of information and find out a little bit more about blogs. because maybe it is sharing a sexy blog together or reading that together on a Friday night with a glass of wine that might then spark your own conversation about sexual fantasies and then, you know, spice things up in your bedroom as well. So you gave me an idea, see, you know, now we're going to be looking for sex toy reviews to add to the newsletter.

And, you know, we just had somebody email us and said, hey, you know, now we're going to be looking for sex toy reviews to add to the newsletter. And, you know, we just had somebody email us and said, hey, you know, we know somebody who writes amateur erotic stories. And then we had somebody else asked to be a guest blogger. So we're hoping that we continue to get that sort of feedback.

And we will be happy to repost or include in our newsletter blogs and, you know, individuals who want to submit things too, as long as it's in the same scope of what we believe the lifestyle to be, and that we feel like the people that listen to us and trust us to put content in front of them, it's going to be something that's valuable. That's what we're looking for. Yeah, and sexual positivity as well, I think is going to be a big one there as well. You know, you want to make sure that what we talk about and I guess we do have a certain responsibility as podcasters.

I mean, we talk about some of the good things. We talk about some of the things that lessons learned or maybe sometimes have been wrong.

But, you know, at the end of the day, everything is really's it's all sex positive you know it's all of it's coming from a very positive nature so i think it's the same thing why are you laughing at me d i'm just chuckling because uh this week we had a few people we've added a few new people on kick because of uh the desire trip actually we're just pre pre-meeting some individuals some people and um one of them decided that they were going to listen to our previous Desire podcast. Oh, no, you know my really embarrassing moment ever.

And her bringing that up just reminded me of the fact that they said, oh, we're going to listen to this and I could see her. The fear, the fear in my eyes.

As they said it, it was was really quite funny but you know i think it is it's a requirement for us at least that we we we don't only give the positives we've had some fairly ugly and hectic things along the way as well that we expose the world to i'm still very proud of see for putting that forward because certainly i never would have done it um yeah so that i enjoy that the the newsletter has you know has a nice open slathering of different things that everyone can get involved in and now i'm thinking about writing some um amateur erotica um for uh the pseudoephedueled dream that I had last night.

I think that will be my next submission. Do you want to give us a little teaser on that? It's getting warm in here. Yeah, let's just say that it included the Joneses and the Swinging Down Undercrew at a table at Desire. Above the table was very polite and below was a little slutty. So was it a table over in the back of the restaurant next to the glass or was it in the front of the restaurant or where? Well see unfortunately my imagination only stretches to Desire Riviera Maya because I've not been to Pearl so because of that it was at Riviera Maya, because I've not been to Pearl.

So because of that, it was at Riviera Maya, it was at RM. So no, it was right in the middle where everyone can inspect, I suppose, what's occurring. And there's no tablecloths at RM either, just FYI. Oh, that's even better. Yeah. Oh, okay. So we didn't knock the table over. We used the table. No, yeah. The table was certainly involved. Nice. So I'm not going to spoil. 93 days. 93 days. I'm not going to spoil it because now I'm going to have to write some amateur. All right. Yeah. We'll expect you. Yeah, because we want to hear the end of that one. Yeah. I'll expect you.

Yeah, because we want to hear the end of that one. Yeah. Hopefully you didn't wake up before it was over. No, thankfully not. Thankfully the pseudoephradrine kept me nicely passive until the end of that. Awesome.

And also I managed to not roll over and wake C up in the middle of the middle of the night so you know she should be pretty happy with that as well given how much i've been waking you up lately because i've been ill yeah so what about you any any i remember was it your last podcast where c was a superhero and and ran down the street in the rain in a dress and had her heels in her hand and hopped the fence and i mean that's pretty badass it is badass yeah look you know we don't like being late for dates what could i say if we get a date in singapore we're gonna hold to that date yes and we may have caught up with that couple again we have caught up with them all.

All right. Yeah. Good. Lovely local couple. We were supposed to fit a podcast in between the last one and this one with maybe some update on that, but, yeah, certainly caught up with them.

They're a lovely couple, and hopefully, as we always do, they're aware that we're podcasters, so maybe they might be listening in when we finally get around to uh telling the story but it was certainly good fun ah yeah and i think now we all just have to stay tuned wow but you touched on it before you know that that community and it is very different here and so you know when it's so great to i guess after 14 months starting to kind of meet some couples that live in singapore that to us, you know, a lot of fun, light-hearted, you know, just great people and secure and happy in their relationship as well.

It's really a big part for us. She's been Tweety McTweet Tweet at the moment because we had an event on Saturday night that we were invited to by some very, very sweet maple syrupians. Yeah, our friends from Canada are actually, they're over in Canada at the moment, but they sent us a message and said, hey, you know, there's a few people getting together. Would you all mind if I gave them, you know, your details? They might want to invite you. So thankfully they invited us along and we went to a meet and greet actually on Saturday night here in Singapore, just passed.

So that was also, you know, really, really lovely to kind of meet some other local couples and get a chance to, you know, just really just chat openly.

And I think that's something we've really missed here is having those connections and just being able to have very open conversations and uh so we had a good time on saturday night outstanding but isn't that you know okay i'm not gonna lie the sex is great but isn't it just the best being able to have those kinds of conversations with people non-judgmental conversation yeah is um and the amazing thing about the lifestyle i think is that really at this point i don't think there's anything you could bring up that somebody would point a finger and judge you know they might they might have an internal monologue that's slightly different to their external but in general I think certainly in our experience most people that they they at first monologue that's slightly different to their external but in general i think certainly in our experience most people that they they at first they may be taken aback but then they just say okay well whatever floats your boat you know whatever you're into that's fine just understand that that's not our thing exactly yeah exactly i mean like you know like you said whatever floats your you know, I can't imagine myself doing that.

But that is so awesome that you guys have that fantasy or whatever. I mean, I still love to hear about it, even though I can't wrap my head around it. I respect that. And it's just, it's fascinating to hear what is that, you know, to hear people verbalize what's really going on inside their heads. And I think what you guys are moving into, and this ties right back to your topic. We've developed some really close friendships with a few couples here on the East Coast in Virginia.

And sometimes when you're with a group that you really trust, and there are six or eight of you, then differing play styles aren't much of an issue because there are more people to, you know, connect with in a different way. And so maybe there's somebody in that trusted circle who is going to be more comfortable with one person and their spouse who is uncomfortable with the other person's spouse can play with someone else. And so that is really sometimes a way to, you know, sometimes it's easier when there's more than four. Well, yeah, agreed.

And also, you know, I think I tried to touch on this before, but it's slipped my mind halfway through my conversation. Sometimes there are things inside your marriage that the other person may not be comfortable with, but is comfortable with you doing with somebody else, you know. And it doesn't mean that there's something missing.

It just means that there's something that one person is not as comfortable with with as the other um i think we've had some friends who you know that the the lady is not interested in giving in giving head and because of that she's absolutely happy when as soon as they get together with somebody else you know it's the first thing that she's almost driving the other lady to do do you all know what he's talking about there when he says giving head just out of curiosity yeah yeah it's not an australian is it is it not no no no it's not man we're good yeah all right um so uh yeah so she's almost guiding her friends to do that yeah because it's not her favorite she'll she does it because she loves him but it's not her favorite so she thought she she can almost find somebody else to take her place in that which is which is still i think a healthy place to be it's not necessarily you know it can be unhealthy if you're doing it for the wrong reasons but if you're doing it for the right reasons it's a different conversation yes what about a sexy snippet can you guys share something with us that's you, you know, you've had a lot of busyness lately, but any sexy snippets or sexy dates you've been on?

Yeah, I can share. This past weekend, Saturday night, it was just me and Mrs. Jones. Ooh.

And as busy've been with new orleans and and our meet and greets and and the people that we've been around it was just nice this past saturday night to it just be the two of us and i think i dragged you down to our playroom and well he had slept wrong the night before that's what it was and um he woke up with like this raging headache on saturday morning and i was like well you didn't have a lot to drink i don't think you're hung over and he's like no it's like it's my neck and it was we were with a group the night before of lifestylers and it was the way that i had positioned my neck at a certain time in the evening oh he oh this is new news to me here he told me he slept wrong well that might have had something he was sleeping i mean he might have been might have been sleeping on the job so i brought him down saturday night when it was just the two of us i brought mr jones down and put him on the massage table and uh it was like it was a like a real massage this wasn't just like foreplay i actually worked yeah and we had some visitors that came down to meet us last month and they brought us one of the candles that was it soy or that you can drip you know it's from jimmy jane which is a really yeah yeah it was an awesome candle and it the candle's rectangular shaped and it even has like a little spout on one side so the wax drips out we've got one of their we've got one of their vibrators i have three of their vibrators so that was the first time that we had done the whole hot wax thing but she was she was too afraid to do it so i think next time she'll be you'll be more comfortable yeah it was really fun we had a fun night yeah so we then then we um came into the playroom and i think um finished in there nicely but it was just the two of us yeah yeah i actually uh i really enjoy being able to see you guys talk about this because for the first time there i think I saw the excitement in Mrs.

Jones's eyes as she's telling the story she had the cheesiest grin people and the excitement I do like him a little bit as to what was coming I just want to thank C for podcasting with her shirt off all evening I mean I know it's hot, so it's probably a win-win. Nobody's even noticed my shirt. Oh, my gosh. There he is again. In all your glory. Shout out to Jay from The Average Swingers. I'm wearing your shirt, big fella.

So, how about about you guys what about a sexy snippet from you see well we so we on our recent date you know we had the opportunity to actually um actually play play together with uh with it with a with a new couple and um i think that you know it's been so long since i guess we've had a couple connection that that hasn't been an existing one i mean as you all know we've had some friends visit from from sydney Thank you. I think that, you know, it's been so long since I guess we've had a couple connection that hasn't been an existing one.

I mean, as you all know, we've had some friends visit from Sydney. But you know what? It was very, very comfortable, I think, and very fluid and awesome. And we all had a great time together making that kind of that first step away connection. Get to the sexy snippet bit. There's people around the line line here looking for sexy snippets. This is being a video cast. For those of you who can't see, see the double birds flipping off at the moment? Yeah, yeah. This is you getting a peek through the keyhole into my life. That was my sexy snippet, and we played our version of the dumb card game.

I mean, you know, it's a little bit different to your dumb card game, but that's always sexy, a bit of play and, you know, getting kind of nude. I did win the stripping down to nothing nude, actually, and panties on the table card. I had that done in seconds. I think everyone else won if you did that. Yeah, yeah. That card came out and my panties were on the table quicker than the card hit the table. Oh, well, bring that card with you. You don't have to bring the game. Just bring that card with you. Just that one card.

I think there's some others in there you might be interested in as well, just quietly. Yeah. See, I have to put you on the spot. Okay, so last year after not in New Orleans, you told a story on your podcast about playing with somebody that was in their 50s and it was not a very good experience.

And immediately you know came on and recorded a podcast and and voiced my concern that i was hoping that your concern so you were i was hoping that you didn't like shrink your you know uh age range back down to a place where i maybe not i wouldn't qualify and i just wanted to hear you know in the public setting if you if that's the case i need to know now because i there's a few months between now and november and i need to wrap my head around the possibility either it's possible or it's not and i think if i know the truth now you should you know let me down now if that's the case as we said all these conversations should happen up yeah let's let's put our money where our mouth there's our mouth where our money cards on the table so look you know we're a jokey kind of couple mr jones and i don't think it's fair at this point in time to to play around with you at the moment and you've obviously spent a lot of time thinking about this after that failed date.

So let me just get straight to the point for you, sir. I have now come to the understanding and realisation that a situation or a play style or something that goes wrong has nothing to do with age. You guys are very sexy. Mrs. Jones, I'm going to push you aside for a second because it's Mr. Jones asking me the question. So don't feel bad about this, honey. But, sir, you are extraordinarily witty, intelligent, and sexy, and I cannot wait to spend some more time with you. Oh, my goodness. Did you feel the breeze on your voice, Kristen? That was pretty hot.

I mean, even 12 hours into the past, and I'm feeling it. I'm a little sweaty. Man, I am so glad I asked that question. I was going to play around and joke a bit with you, but I didn't want to string you on. Well, now everybody's heard it on a podcast. It must be true. I was just going to say it would have been like that episode of The Simpsons where you can see his heart breaking. Yes, I would have just reached over. I would have clicked off the computer. I would have turned off the recording equipment. I would have shut the door.

I would have gone into the fetal position in the floor up against the corner, stuck in my thumb. I would totally. So that's what we avoided here, thankfully. Well, can I say, provided you spend a little time on sea rather than spending time surfing for every ivory porn, then you're probably a bump up the... Every single device with a screen is being put into a corner that's what I can say DC is not going to have time to knit a fucking sweater during this play session or was it crochet?

it was either knit or crochet it was knit she did have time see and look if you have a failed swinger date you always walk home with a new sweater so i mean you know it's just positive all around okay well now we well d what are you and i gonna do while they're enjoying each other oh i'm sure we can keep ourselves occupied. No? Maybe we could go for a jog. You guys can make the nibbles for the after play session. Well, we could nibble. Yeah, we'll nibble. We'll just nibble. We'll do some nibbling. Yeah. We'll nibble. Yeah. Well, perhaps we can just go to the table and we can play out.

Okay, that'll work. At the table, yeah. Yeah. Is that a reservation for two this evening? Oh, no, we're not eating. We're just here to use the table. It's fine. Well, the wheels are going to be turning for the next how many days? 94. 94. All right. Well, thank you guys very much for having us on your show.

Thank you joining us it's been great and thanks for providing some insight and for everything that you guys do for the community we're really happy to have you as friends and I know that you guys are far away but we always appreciate your time so far we are just pants on friends yeah we listen we listen we pay attention we're big fans yeah okay well thank you so uh let's get let's get an outro this is c this is d this is mr jones and this is mrs jones and they're they're swinging down under and we got a thing thank you guys good night good night good morning