P39 – D goes the full Yoni

Transcript

This is C and this is D and this is Swinging Down Under. So what are we talking about tonight C? Well, I thought you might want to introduce it considering it is your topic. Well, I don't know that it's my topic. I have one. I have one, but it's your experience. A vulva. I have one of those. Yeah. Yeah. Also, I was talking about a glass of wine, but I mean, I don't know. What sort of a pervert podcast do you think this is? Yeah, it's the most perverted of all the podcasts.

you think this is yeah it's the most perverted of all the podcasts oh this is not the math podcast we're doing this is the swinging podcast my bad yeah yeah absolutely i just see us spending a lot of time on math so everybody uh you may have read on twitter because c's been posting a little took us off that I went to a yoni massage last night. I went to learn about the yoni, which is very, I don't know, what's a very zen-like name for... Oh, tantric is the word you're looking for. Tantric, that's it. Yep. For a vagina. Well, actually, for a vulva.

So, I guess to put a bit of background into this, we were looking online and as we do, we kind of every now and then do some Googling on sexual perverseness here in Asia, Asia-Pacific for that matter. And we stumbled upon this lady who has this kind of sex-positive seminars in... She's a sexologist. She's a sexologist in Singapore, and I was like, what? Yeah, absolutely. People go see her? Yes. And after going to this event, I'm not going to lead in here, but I now understand why. So we haven't discussed... So you went to this last night. Yeah.

We haven't discussed this went to this last night yeah we haven't discussed this this is the first time i'm hearing about it i booked the ticket for you to go yeah so um you guys all knew uh hunk hands now hunk hands did a um uh an intro or a yoni massage training as well but unfortunately he's um he's he's left the country he doesn't he doesn't come out of singapore now i don't even know if he works anymore or if he works in singapore anymore I'll see the notes here with me that i am going to go through which i see have colored photos on them as well they do have colored color photos so they sprang for for colored photos on the printing like yeah color photo of a vulva it's pretty good which i might add i learned something new i learned a lot of new things awesome first one okay what vulva do you know what a vulva is explain for me what a vulva is no no she's looking at me blankly folks a vulva is the entire area of what most people would call the vagina the The vagina is just the hole, one of the seven holes.

You're kind of getting a bit deep already. You didn't want to go. Let's roll it back. You didn't want to go. Yeah, look, there was some... And as the evening was getting closer and closer, you were more reluctant to go. There were some issues with the organization and how it was sorted out and stuff. And it all came together in the end. But we sort of went around in circles and we ended up getting, I ended up getting there. When I first arrived, I have to say I was a little taken aback by the number of single guys.

Well, not single guys, I shouldn't say single, but guys who were there without their partners. You were one of those people. Yeah, but what I didn't realize is initially this was offered as for guys only. And so this is the thing. This is the first time it's been offered to allow couples. And this is why there was some confusion on the website. Exactly.

So when we booked originally, I booked Dean and I was like, hey like hey hey go along and um we were contemplating actually interviewing the sexologist for the podcast and we'll probably circle back to that at the end but um i booked d into this and he was like you should come and i said well clearly right here on the website it says men only but that's changed and that's a great idea because this is something for couples, right? Because a yoni massage is actually – it requires the female's input for it to happen properly, right?

And there's a lot of experimentation that has to go into it and a whole lot of things. So you don't think this would happen on a one-night stand? No. Interesting.

In fact, I don't think this would happen on a one night stand no and this in fact i don't think this would happen i don't think i would use this even for play partners that we haven't played with for a few times because that was actually one of the one of the questions on twitter was sexy married secrets on twitter said to us do you intend to just use this on c or would you use this in the lifestyle i would use it in the lifestyle but the thing is you'd i would have to use it on people who are willing to go through the because there's a bit of a not a routine but there's a bit of maybe well there's a bit of pomp and ceremony involved in this it's not just it's not just finger bang until the girl squirts right there's a bit more to it than that so so you walk in there's an abundance of men well no there wasn't when i first walked in because i was early but when i walked in i find this image staring at me looking at it which is open legs and um and anus shot and also a cross- through through the lady to show you where all the stuff is now there's little pointers pointing to all sorts of things now i actually thought that these were pretty commonly known don't get me wrong there are a few things in there that i wasn't aware of there's a so like the bartholin gland nobody's yeah that's right everybody's looking at me sounds like quite an intelligent gland it does doesn't it so um so there were some things in here that i hadn't heard of which is good right because it's always good to know more stuff sure but one of the interesting things that came in very early in this conversation was about the fact that there's more than one orgasm.

Now, I knew there was more than one orgasm, right? But most people would say, now, this is female orgasms. So people who are born with a vagina. Because there's a few things in here that if you're transgender, you won't be able to achieve these orgasms because you simply don't have the components required. Okay. So. It's good to know. It's handy. Clitoris. Right. Check. I've got one of those. Yep. So penetrative orgasm as well. G-spot orgasm. Cervical orgasm. Ooh. Didn't know that one, did you? Mm? The next one, A-spot orgasm.

Right, it sounds like something weird that somebody's just thrown out there, but it's also known as the A-F-E spot. I'll get into it, don't worry. It's pretty exciting stuff. And then what rates in the top six? Nipple. Last one is nipple. We did discuss the nipple orgasm. We were at Nordian New Orleans and we were in the BDSM seminar and they mentioned nipple orgasm. And we rightly said at that point in time that we probably think you have quite sensitive nipples. You would maybe be able to achieve that. Is that possible?

Yeah, I think I could probably achieve an orgasm through nipple play only. There is no way in hell. No, you, no. No way. No, your nipples would fall off before you had any form of orgasm. I prefer they didn't. Yeah, I prefer they didn't as well. They're quite cute. Thanks. So, just to give some stats, clitoral orgasm. 70% of women can have a clitoral orgasm. There's women out there who can't. 30%, apparently.

I did not i assumed i i wrongly obviously yeah i'm gonna roll into some shit that's gonna blow your mind okay um did you hear that ladies and gentlemen out there listening to the podcast penetrative orgasm yep 20 to 30 i thought that yep that's about right g-spot cervix and a-spot 10 cervix, and A-spot. Ten? There's not enough data on it. Oh, bollocks. There's not enough data on it to actually establish the percentage. All right, kickstart a campaign, all right? We need to – volunteers required. We need enough statistics world over to understand the stats on that.

They do understand, though, nipple orgasms statistic on that 10 10 10 of women uh sorry i should say people who were born female have the ability to orgasm let's just throw it out there that for the rest of the yeah i'm not gonna yeah i'm not gonna have to go through. But there you go. So, nipple, 10%. That actually, I was surprised by that. Kay has quite good nipples from that couple next door, I'm starting to wonder. Yeah, maybe. Maybe. You need to pass along some of those details. Or perhaps I could just have a try. Sure. Let's just buy those air tickets. Yeah. Excellent.

Yeah, let's do that. 10% sounds interesting. So, yeah, that was something I learned very early on. Now, the A-spot, I'd never heard of the A-spot. I'll absolutely say not understanding that at all. I mean, the cervix orgasm, I understood how that might work because there are some women out there certainly who enjoy their cervix being pounded to the point where... Is it on the lower end? Like, are we talking like A-spot, like lingering somewhere near the anus? No, not at all. Exactly the opposite almost. The A-spot exists just in front of the cervical opening. Okay.

On the top of the vaginal canal, which is kind of where the G-spot, you know, the G-spot's right out near the entrance to the vagina. The A-spot is at the full depth of the vaginal canal. Oh. So it's actually... So it's internal, okay. Yeah, so with, so sans toy, it's going to be reasonably difficult to get to.

Oh, sweetie, you know you've got a big cock oh my god really really did that just happen you do have a big cock god everybody can smell bullshit bollocks delightful big cock attractive delight so we're going to drop the bollocks in as well i might need to get the bollocks in to get to the a spot i'm saying so anyway through the conversation and found out that typically large guys, small Asian women can find the A-spot through finger stimulation, not through, but everyone can find it using a toy. If you have a toy that's deep enough to get there.

And, you know, we went through a whole conversation about getting arousal going because apparently – Do you want to talk about the people that were in the class maybe? So you went in there, there was a few men. Later, the class filled up. It was a class of 12. So class of 12. Yeah. People, kinds of people, first-timers, young people, old people, race. Everything, everything.

So there was all all aspects i suppose of um of race of age group you know everyone's 18 plus though yeah but everyone from low 20s through to i'm gonna say middle 60s um and bearing in mind again i mean we've mentioned it before but the age of virginity loss in singapore is 23 so i'm just throwing that out there just as a point of reference because there's so many countries listening to us which was an interesting which was an interesting thing one of the interesting things one of the things i enjoyed about the the person who was actually instructing and teaching us she used a lot of her own experiences sassy so is she a a pervert?

No. Damn it. I'm just imagining this woman who's like dominatrix on the weekend. I'm going to say, very good sexologist. Damn it, my spirits are crushed. Yeah. Now I'm just thinking about your hard cock and her and latex. Sorry. Wow. Let on moving on so there was um there was some discussion she had about her own experiences and one of the things that really surprised me is is um the discussion around, well, for starters, how to get a lady aroused and also the fact that she didn't have penetrative sex of any type.

So actually she didn't have even external sex until she was engaged and they'd moved out of their parents' place, all right? So now, put this in perspective, right? She got engaged in her middle 20s, right? So that fits with what we know about the loss of virginity here in Singapore. But additionally, she's a sexologist, right?

So middle 20s, she's already into her university studies on sex in fact she's talking about the fact that part of her studies were examining her own vagina you know squatting over a mirror having a look around understanding what's there playing with it you know all that sort of thing so i found this really interesting the fact that you know there'd been her partner had not been involved in that either. Anyway, that's a bit of a side note. Not really.

I mean, it would kind of be like somebody operating heavy machinery or building a building, but they've never actually done that before, directing on people how to build a building.

Yeah so i mean don't get me wrong i think she's terribly well educated and she does know it she knows her shit there's no doubt about that well well educated but what i'm what i was a little taken aback by is just the fact that even her sexual experience given that she's been trained in sex and is involved in sex is quite late late in life by comparison to australian modern times i'm gonna say you know yeah that's right i mean you gotta just for everybody out there listening you've got to remember that these these comments we make are from our own background and our own understanding and culture and everything else and are by no means meant to be derogatory or disparaging or anything like Thank you.

we make are from our own background and our own understanding and culture and everything else. And are by no means meant to be derogatory or disparaging or anything like that. It's just, it's different for us. It's a bit of a surprise for me. It is. It was a bit of a surprise for me. Does it actually make you feel like a bit of a pervert? Like maybe as a whole? I don't think a pervert.

I just, I actually, I have to say I felt kind of proud did you yeah because i mean there were people in the room who couldn't i'll give i'll give you the list i'll go back to the first page there were people in the room who didn't know what the clitoris was or where it was didn't know what the clitoral hood was didn't know the labia majora or menorah couldn't couldn't point them point them out. And look, do you... Vagina, everybody knew. Do you think that's to do with...

majora or menorah couldn't couldn't point them point them out um and look do you vagina everybody knew do you think that's um to do with the fact that we are exposed to it in terms of a physical physical relationship young or do you think that we are educated younger in schooling and everything else like sexual health no sexual so the video that she she showed some video during the event Thank you.

schooling and everything else like sexual health no sexual so the video that she she showed some video during the event the video she showed even though it is a training video is still illegal in singapore because it's considered pornography right so in schools there is no sexual training so this is the point so for you feeling proud it's not like oh yeah i'm the man i had sex young feeling proud what you're saying is like you feel proud that we have education we have you know we talk about it openly maybe we can express ourselves better we're not so repressed about hey these things are not necessarily dirty and well in fact one of it one of her comments throughout the evening was that any time so she she said, for all the men in the room, and the men outnumbered the women, for all the men in the room, you see your penis every day.

You know what it looks like. You know where the openings are. You know what the head is. You know what the shaft is. Oh, I think I know where this is going. All that sort of thing.

she said women never their vagina yeah unless they make yeah we see it a man sees their penis average six to ten times a day because you pee maybe six times a day this is mind-blowing that's so i've never thought about that right that's what i was really surprised at that right because you don't assume it you don't think about it and so when somebody says it it's like oh and she was told throughout her entire childhood and even into early adolescence that not to touch her vagina because it's dirty. It's dirty? And this is apparently quite common amongst. It's dirty? No, no, dirty.

No, no, dirty. It's quite common in this culture. Oh, my heart is breaking.

In this culture that that would be the case now oh i feel like we are i am totally looking at this as an umbrella view people there are people in this country like every other country who have experienced all the same sexual sensations we have i'm just looking at this as an overarching statistical view of the majority in this country so yeah it's um it's really quite interesting that the reference to dirty now i don't think that's unheard of in more um forward-thinking countries either so pick australia pick the u.s i get it pick new zealand there's people there's parents in those countries who still refer to the vulva as a dirty area.

Yeah, look, I understand. I understand the fact that there are some cultures, the fact that there are some beliefs, and that's going to happen world over, but a part of me just dies at the fact that somebody would consider something on their body to be anything but beautiful and a blessing. So I'll ask you a question then. Have you at any point in your life felt that masturbation was bad? Yeah, I was told it was bad. So you're no different to the rest of this country. I know, it doesn't mean I don't feel bad for that situation to have occurred.

But I suppose how can you really tell somebody, hey, masturbation's a beautiful thing when they're quite young? Why can't you tell them that? I don't know, can you? Of course you can. If you walk in on your 13-year-old son rubbing one out into a sock, what are you going to say? Is that sock dirty? Get a clean sock, you feel the animal. So we then went through a few of the things like, you know, where the Grafenberg spot or G-spot is. Now, the only reason I know it's called that, and I may have pronounced it wrong, it's because it's written on this piece of paper. I was going to say, really?

Grafenberg.

Yeah, because he's the dude who originally discovered it discovered it yeah saucy little minks yeah yeah he was a scientist um she also went through some lubes okay so starting with uh now there were a few lubes on the list that i found interesting so i went through the standards water-based while oil was top no not where you can buy them well actually one like there's only one location she recommends in singapore which is fine wow um because they're uh they're non-judgmental and they're um sexually forward-thinking that's what she said she said i don't get any i don't see any recurring payments or anything from these people do you know the name yeah i've got it written down we'll go through that yeah so um she said so top of the list oil-based right because that's everyone that's where it all started as an oil-based lube next on the list was water-based big surprise everybody who's ever been near probably any chemist on the planet has has seen a water-based lube ky the like the next one down the list was hybrid well silicon and then hybrid the the way the list was numbered the hybrid actually ended up above only because it's a mix of the two but the next one on the list so i've been through the ones that i knew up until that point what do you got what's next i i don't know so there's two more there's two more two more um recommended lubricants uh i i don't know i'll give you the last one first.

Okay. Water. But you just said water-based. No, water-based lubricants. Water. Just using water. Tap water. I thought that was detrimental. I thought that was not a lubricant. Nope. If anyone's ever had sex in the shower, I feel like... Nope. Water. Can be used as a lubricant. You're saying that like such an Australian right now. I know. I'm using the D instead of... Water. So, hang on. we're still missing one Okay Is it wine? Ever watched a porn? Oh no! Yep Oh my god Saliva What was everyone's reaction?

So you've got people in the room who have never seen a vagina Never touched another vagina possibly And you're talking about using spit? They've all seen porn. Oh, my God. They've all seen porn. Oh, whew. Porn is illegal to download and store in Singapore. It is not illegal to stream. The ludicrous. No, I reckon... I'm going to say the ludicrosity. They're in cahoots with the mobile phone companies. That's what's going on there. Data usage. Yeah. Good, yeah. Cahoots. Oh, good Lord. It's like a whole underbelly series here. Maybe, like, T-Mobile has a, you know, percentage of...

You've got nowhere to go with this. But no, percentage of, like, porn, U-porn, red porn. This is going to fall off a cliff. Neither of those are available here. U-porn and red porn are blocked. This is me falling off a cliff Yep, that's right So Not surprisingly the next step From there was, okay, let's have a look At the actual The art of the yoni massage Yeah, we probably need to get into that Speaking about vaginas and lubricant Yeah, yeah, but I'm going to come back to some stuff. Okay. Right? So the yoni massage is actually very, it's quite spiritual.

There's quite a lot of spirituality involved in this. It's not just finger banging a chick. Another, another, no. That word was used during. She did not. Finger banging. No way. Yep. So I'm going to come back to something here. Okay. I'm going to come back to something because you had a scary little thing on Twitter a little while ago when a man said to you, because you constantly talk about what vibrator? What's your favorite? Oh, my God. Yeah. So, he said to me, he sent us an email. Yeah.

I was very, still scared of this and he said hey be careful i hear that you like the hitachi that's going to desensitize you just so you're aware probably use that sporadically otherwise you're never going to enjoy sex when you're older so not true great great email great email fucker do you know how afraid i was, I know. You freaked out. Sorry, I can't remember who that was that emailed us, but you did really freak C out. I know this is a thing for her because she's now scared of it. Well, mainly because I do enjoy some clitoral stimulation. So who can blame a girl, really?

So I do enjoy Hitachi,achi and what happens someone's telling you about stimulation or overstimulation no no none of those things what is it under because then i can use it more no it was all about neural pathways now this is sounding very deep right there's like there's dr d is in the house dr d that's not a bad name i'm gonna with that um dr d is in the house um so neural pathways if you continue to masturbate the same way oh my god what's happening you structure a neural pathway that makes it easier for you to orgasm that way or harder any other way or harder any other way mother effer so i need to stop like circling the way i'm circling yes because you are you said to me so you said to me i think the first time that i ever played with your clit you're going the wrong direction in your rotation because you talk about that often you masturbate looking from head down you masturbate uh which direction it's it's clockwise it's clockwise you masturbate clockwise and your clitoral masturbator only now no no other clock if i'm looking at it right now whatever it doesn't matter people care.

Well, I have my hand down my pants and I'm currently like figuring it out which way I Okay, so people now do care. So. The point is this, I have a way. Yeah, you have a way. You have a direction of rotation, right? If you reverse that rotation, it doesn't, you take longer to come. Correct? Is that correct? Yeah. Yes. So, the reason behind that is because you've trained your body to understand that that is the easiest way to come. This makes sense.

If you are a runner and you run constantly, you run five kilometers or five miles same thing you get flat ground very good your muscle memory yeah exists so this makes again it's like a oh that actually makes a lot of sense but also at the same time why didn't i know that before so what this means is for everybody out there who's masturbating mix it up mix it up all right it means mix it up The other thing it means is that if you don't mix it up and you're playing with another partner who doesn't know. They might not get you off. They might not get you off. If you masturbate irregularly.

That was my mind blowing. Yeah, I told you to blow your mind at least once. So if you masturbate differently each time.

You're more able than when that partner comes at you with their different skill set or the way that their partner likes it because that's the way they're used to doing it the bam right how good is that it's good but also i'm now a little bit concerned that i'm the cause of the missing orgasms for the last two years it's not the last two years you've had orgasms no but i'm just the ones that i've missed yeah well i mean maybe there's a possibility of that oh my god right all right wow so i'm gonna make it my duty now i'm gonna be shifting to a left hand me too straight up me too now they would they she did say it will take you longer to achieve any sort of orgasm.

Sounds terrible. And you may never achieve it. Well, that does sound terrible. You may never achieve it doing it a different way. But she also said you've got to not give up because if you give up and go back to the old way, you're just reinforcing the bad behavior. I thought that was gold. I mean, fuck, right? I know. I'm like, now I'm going to be hands on balls. You know what? This course has officially paid for itself. I'm going to be hands on balls. Like clips on your nipples. I'm just going to... I'm going to be rubbing myself against poles in the living room.

Get one of those, like, monkeys with the... Clapping hands. Funny you mention that. That is one of the moves, actually, in the Yoni Massage. I want to try the fire starter that Mrs. Jones from We Got A Thing was talking about. I'm actually going to look that up tonight. I know how it works. I'm going to look it up and give it a go. Okay, sweet. So if anyone wants to come around, I'm all for it. No, I'm just joking. Actually, you totally are. No, I'm not. You are gagging for it right now. Tart, as she refills my wine. Just put a little bit more in there.

So, yeah, that was – I thought that was quite mind-blowing, right? Now, I'm not going to go through all of the moves because – Fair enough. For a couple of reasons. First one is this is her information, right? It's copyright protected, and I respect that.

I'm not going to go nice that's a yeah that's a really i'm not going to go after i'm not going to go after her stuff because there's some stuff in here some additional things that she gave us now i'm going to i'm going to cover a couple of these only because they're interesting right because again mind-blowing situation okay but um let's just say that the art of the yoni massage very much starts with a lot of touch a a lot of breathing, a lot of mutual breathing, a lot of mutual breath, and it starts very much outside the area of the vulva. Which is exactly my experience.

Yep, it starts, in fact, around, well, it starts with the heart and uh moves toward the womb yep which is uh you know very nice way of putting it um includes the ovaries yeah and then that's not we're not coming at the ovaries now from internally of course yeah yeah we're not trying to stab the ovaries with the inside of our penis. There is a discussion on pubic hair here. We're unfortunately not really going to be able to be used with you, but there is some things here as well that help. Like tickling through the pubic hair? No. Grabbing, like pulling it a little bit? Yeah. Okay.

There's some pressure point manipulation, which you experienced external and internal pressure points. Um, so back to the neural, um, neural pathways. Yep. G spot. Have you ever gotten yourself off internally with your own hands? Once. No. I mean, do you do you do that regularly no then you're training your g-spot to not work i feel like such a failure as a oh stop that i'm joking don't you fucking better be i was joking it's funny no it wasn't it wasn't funny at all ironic no it wasn't any of those things. It was just horrible. Everyone's mad, yeah.

We would edit that out in, you know, what's it called, post, but nah. We don't. Yeah, we're not big on editing. So, yeah, in fact, the use of... So you're telling me that I should get up in my business more often? You should get up in your business more often. So don't just... Because you're a clitoral orgasmer, right? But you may be a clitoral orgasmer because that's the way you've always orgasm yep there was a big big inhale and nothing well in my head then i'll like i flashed back to that time we were in the club with that uh toy that's internal. Oh, the... I can't. Oh, my God. I know.

That's what happened. That's why I was pausing. Yeah, that's what the big pause, yeah. It's in my head. I was like, oh, we need to invest in one. Sibian. Sibian. Yeah. Surely, we can just invest in one of those. Yeah, no problem. They're like three and a half grand in the US, which makes them... I think they're on sale for like two and a half grand in the US, so that makes them like three and a half grand. Which makes them ten grand in Singapore. No exaggeration. By the time you import them, you've got to get it here. Hey, Oprah, can you get us one? Yeah, just maybe they're under every chair.

You get a Sibian. You get a Sibian. Everybody gets a Sibian. That would be the type of Oprah event I would like to get along to. That's sex positive Oprah right there. there. That's something that Ellen needs to do because Ellen's still around. Oprah, she's shut shop. She's cute, too. I like her. She's cute. Yeah, I like Ellen, yeah. She's got charisma. Charisma? Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. And she also has a girlfriend, so you're totally... She's cute, too, but move on. Back to the massage.

So I'm going to give you a few names in here because they're quite funny i like the juicy squeeze can you can you quiz me what do you mean like quiz me what's the juicy squeeze okay i feel like the juicy squeeze is where you're kind of getting your um index finger and your thumb and you pull pull on the outside of the vagina or you're pulling it a little bit and maybe like rubbing it with your hands down and up, down and up, creating like a... You're pretty, a what? You're actually pretty close. You're pretty close. Yeah. Yeah.

So it is, is making, I'm going to, the best way I can describe it is making a sandwich kind of motion with your hands on a vagina. Yeah, but it's a bit vertical. Yeah, well, I mean, yeah, because you can't hold a sandwich. You could, like... Who's going to hold a sandwich that way? Who holds a sandwich vertically? No. Nobody holds a sandwich vertically. You don't know that. Well, if they do, they're weird. That's official. I will officially... You're judging. This is a judgment-free podcast. If you're eating a sandwich that way, I'm judging your shit.

So there's some massaging of like a lot of the outs. So I like another one as well, Scouts Honor. What do you got there? Is it with like two fingers? That's not how a scout salutes, for starters. So, C is currently pressing two fingers against her heart. For all the scouts out there, you are just rolling around going, what is she doing? What does a scout do? Scout. Three fingers. Oh, so it's one either side and then one on the clitoral hood maybe. So it's actually one either side down between the labia minora, labia majora, and then just one that rubs over the clitoris as you move up and down.

He's making fingers on the table. It's kind of making me horny. So, yeah, I mean that's... yeah scouts honor um there's another one merry-go-round i feel like is that what i do no okay no you just go roundy roundies Well, that's the official term. What's a merry-go-round? The merry-go-round is actually really quite interesting. Did you know that if 12 o'clock, if you're looking at a clitoris, 12 o'clock being as a clock is. In the clitoral hood, yeah. No, vertically up. Sure.

Six o'clock being vertically down, three and nine, you can figure out where those are, hopefully, if you know how to read a clock. Yep, sure. If you're of the digital age, then have a look at your granddad's clock and figure it out. Get on with it.

So most women, most women, the majority of women, and it's like 85%, the two o'clock area beside the clitoris is the most sensitive not the 11 what what about the 11 o'clock no two o'clock wow so hanging to the left i'm i'm as far as i understand it looking at the diagrams and i haven't done any research on this but looking at the diagrams it appears that that is the way one of the major nerves leaves the clitoris that okay so there's a lot of blood flow what does nerve have to do with blood flow i'm just i'm assuming that there would be right no okay not at all not at all you know your own anatomy so impeccably well.

You are listening to the sex-positive, knowledgeable podcast of Swinging Down Under. If you're looking for doctor-y shit, you need to get on over to that couple next door. They know doctor-y shit. Yeah, they do Dr. Googlepedia. They actually write Dr. Googlepedia. Wow. Wow, right? So... So, the two o'clock position is... So, around the... Sorry, the merry-go-round is actually... So, you start it at 12 o'clock and you just put apply pressure above the clitoris. Mm-hmm. And at two. No, and then you go and then you hold it there and you slightly vibrate your finger for... Thank you.

above the clitoris and 12 o'clock no and then you go and then you hold it there and you slightly vibrate your finger for a minute and then you go to one you move it that fraction to one and you do the same thing yeah so this is a lot of teasing again exactly then you go to two and you do the same thing for a minute and then you go to three and you go all the way around the clock, around the clitoris, not on the clitoris. So it's all about that. So, you know, you mentioned with your handsy event, you felt like you needed to be penetrated.

That is exactly what you should feel from what she explained to us. she said you should get to the point where your girl desperately wants to be penetrated if you do this right interesting because all of the all of the internal structures have moved filled with blood engorged all that sort of thing which which drives the sexuality, it drives that want, the animalistic want to be penetrated. Okay. Yeah, so I found that quite interesting as well. But yeah, the one around, the merry-go-round I thought was pretty cool. My next page has a lot of notes on it.

Now, the next page, not because, interestingly, not because of the yoni portion of the massage, because it's, or the yoni understanding. Now, also keep in mind here, this yoni massage training is done on toys. A sex toy. On a sex toy or on a, she actually had a vagina or a a, I'm not, it's like a, it's a love, it looks like a love heart, right, but it's meant to represent the inside of the thighs, all the way down into the vagina, anus, the whole lot's all depicted, right, clitoris, menorah majora, the whole lot is all depicted there.

So she was actually showing us what to do on that, and we were doing that as well on little versions, little cushion versions of the same thing, effectively. So she had some good props. She had some good props, yeah, absolutely. I mean, she had some sex toys as well that you could put your fingers inside and actually, you know, do the come hither movement or whatever, you know, whatever you wanted to be involved in at that point.

But the reason that there's as many notes on this page is because post getting through the majority of the yoni massage, the yoni massage is not necessarily about penetration, right? Well, duh.

It's primarily around getting a woman to the point of wanting penetration but then not giving her that because it's all about making her angry it's all that's what i heard it's all about her arousal and getting to her to peak arousal a number of times during that process all right now peak arousal is also obviously the best time for penetrative sex now i would have thought that that was a given you know penetrative sex yes you don't do it I'll see you next time.

for penetrative sex now i would have thought that that was a given you know penetrative sex yes you don't do it at the beginning uh to to use her phrase you don't just shove it in that's true you work up until you get to the point of highly aroused and everything's engorged and lubricated and all that sort of thing oh forgot one forgot a lubricant just going back this is a call your own vaginal lubricant of course vaginal lubricant your own lubricant right um so it's all about it's all about getting everything ready for potential penetration then not but not necessarily giving penetration and sort of moving over the curve perhaps having an orgasm but moving over the curve and then into another upward curve to get you back to the point of gagging for being penetrated again and then another orgasm it so it's she's she says there's three waves you can do three waves on most women before they what before they just get to the point where they're like i'm i'm their body kind of yeah their body shuts it down now keep in mind you know what i've just described and what i haven't described of the yoni massage this is an hour long to two hour long process right so there is a lot of there's a lot of involvement from both partners to get this going for a proper yoni massage right so we're not just talking about squirting here we're just talking we're talking about full yoni massage squirting is obviously a part of that and is quite achievable achievable through g-spot stimulation as well but back to the reason why i have so many notes on this page there was a lot of talk about virginity okay lots of talk about virginity because there are i think now i don't know anybody in that room and if they listen to us then please don't take this in any way um in as a derogatory statement but i had the feeling that there were a number of virgins in that room.

And you know what I have to say about that? Good for them. Yeah, I don't disagree. No, but I mean like going and learning about something, if you don't feel like you know about it. In fact, one of the gentlemen that was there... Good for you, buddy.

One of the gentlemen that was there actually said his wife doesn't know know he's doing it because he wants to get better at making her happy that i mean that to me that was fucking awesome i'm like that's up there that's with like flowers chocolates cooking dinner cleaning the house going to learn yoni massage now i have a concern there though because that that was a particular individual who didn't know which way was up on a vagina. Again, though, I have to say, I mean, kudos for you. Yeah, I agree. But the good thing is he's left that event now knowing which way is up, right?

Which is great because as far as I'm concerned or perhaps his wife concerned or anybody else is concerned he may have been stimulating her anus thinking that was her clitoris right yeah as a as a big pretty extreme but yeah but now but now he knows he knows where it is he knows how the vagina looks he knows what to look for he knows where the good things are where the things that you try and stay away from like the urethra you know you don't spend try not to spend a lot of time there because it can cause infection you know irritation all the rest of it i mean for me this is this kind of this comes back to people kind of fat shaming somebody in the gym yeah this is this is somebody who has taking taking a step because they've identified that They maybe don't know a lot, want to learn a bit more, and is actually identifying and then coming up with a solution to that.

Well, I see this no different to going to any other school. I don't know math. I'll go and do math. That's what this is about. I actually, in fact, bought a textbook while I was there last night. I was wondering. I saw the saw the textbook on the counter i was like did you buy that or was that a giveaway because i i feel i'm getting a little slower a little slower memory wise and it's a memory training textbook okay right so that's what you do if there's a if there's something you identify as you're not good at and you want to fix it and you want to be better at it you go for him.

Yeah, I agree. So, I mean, first thing, it was a little frightening to start with. But then I realized, okay, he's here for the right reasons. And he's left this room learning a whole lot of things he didn't know beforehand.

And frankly, if he was that uneducated coming in, then it's going to be a hell of a fucking night for his girl and so i guess for him now from his perspective this is kind of like what introductory level one this will it is so everything in here was very introductory very introductory all right and in fact um she asked for feedback and one of the feedback things i gave her is i'd like something i'd like level two. Yeah, I'd like to go a level two and then a level three and a level four.

But interestingly, up until this event, she could never get people along to the event because guys won't go of their own accord. They're too embarrassed to sit in a room full of guys and say, where's the clitoris? Again, though, if people are being told that they're private parts they're dirty they're yeah i mean but but i mean it's even worse for a man right because that's you should know it's a manly thing exactly kind of you know but for a woman you know in again going back to the fact that the penis is in my hand many times a day, erect or flaccid, I know what it looks like.

And so did she give you any kind of feedback as to is that due to the growth of Singapore, of people, of the – did she kind of lead into the fact that she couldn't before but she can now because people are becoming – No, the main reason is because it's now open to couples. Okay. So think of it this way. I get it. If you're in an average sexual situation or a poor sexual situation with your partner... Or you're a single man as well, like you might be embarrassed to... No, I'm talking about as the woman. Okay, sure.

If you're a woman in a relationship and you're in a poor sexual situation and you want your sex life to get better, you might help your man along. You might actually say, let's go as a couple because I want to know about this. Like a couple would say, hey, let's go for a jog together because maybe we're both getting a bit relaxed, we're eating poorly. And it takes the embarrassment out of it for the man as well, right? Because he's now sitting there with his wife and his wife is interested in knowing how to do this.

And not only that, but when they get home, I mean, this massage is two hours, you know. I know. Tomorrow's Saturday, so. So you have to have commitment from both partners to get through this. This is not something that a man can do of their own accord without some engagement from their wife or partner. So did she give you any leaving feedback that kind of suggested or recommended, hey, go home and try this, maybe light some candles or turn the music on?

Like how would she – What is her recommendation for getting your partner into this mindset of like this is going to be two hours it's all about relaxation that's what i mean so it was there was no i mean seriously you want to define what means relaxation to a woman i can't define what means a good meal to you and i've been with you for eight years i mean if if women had a textbook it'd change every 15 seconds and and whilst it's changing there'd be things in there that would contradict other things right and this is why the hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy was an electronic book because it just constantly updated yeah so um but yeah back so back to the the notes that's sort of part of the notes because there's a lot of talk about virginity.

And there was also a lot of talk about issues with penetration. She talks about this in one of her... A lot of her blogs. Yeah. A lot of articles. I can't remember how do you pronounce it. No, no, we're not. I'm not talking about about it's Viginonitis something. It's got a lot of eyes in it. I do know that. It's not about that. That's another end of the spectrum, right? What she's talking about is more just because you've been trained your entire life that that's dirty.

That's not to be touched that's um for making babies only all these things forbidden whatever it's yeah it it it now becomes an issue with with there becomes an issue with penetration to the point where it can be uncomfortable for the lady who's involved in the penetration all right so she she went through a lot of different things and and she draw drew a lot on her own experiences here which i thought was quite cool um in terms of when she was engaged and her fiance came to her and said well you know is it we're engaged now is it kind of time for us to start having sex and yeah i know you're like how long after did that take place did a year okay oh that's okay so a year after engagement they've been together for four years up until this point so sorry i think it was four years they um so there was a lot of talk he said look i don't think we can just go on let's let's not just go straight into driving the penis in right good like this is quite i think this is quite forward thinking even he just went like okay we can't just have sex we're not going to go that way we need to we need to get your vagina more engaged with the idea of having something in it.

I would like to imagine that there's some kind of romancing happening here as well. Yeah, of course. Yeah, there was. But this is now just the sexual end of it, right? So she said there's trouble. There was lots of talk of pain as well, especially in in virginity loss there was a lot of talk of pain um and some acceptance of pain now let's stop everybody stop because everybody just flipped the fuck out right everybody's not freaking out everybody just flipped out in any case if you go into a vagina too early with a hard penis, there's going to be pain, virgin or not.

Correct, because sometimes, I mean, you like middle-of-the-night sex. Yeah. You're like, hey, honey, it's 3 a.m., what are you doing? Sleeping. Okay, great, I'm just going to put my penis inside you. See, from now on in, I just spit on my hand and I'm good. If you dare. Like, I will take half your shit. So... That was a joke, by the way. I'm not that kind of person. Yeah. No, you'd probably give it all... Yeah, I'd be like, get the fuck away from me. Here's all of our stuff. Yeah. So, there was a lot of talk about pain. And I understand that.

Because if you just drive a penis into a dry vagina, it's going to cause pain. Please don't say that. Again, no. So, every woman out there listening to the podcast right now is cringing. Grasping at their vagina. Yeah, because... So, now they know how a man feels every time somebody getting kicked in the nuts comes up.

That's what you're kind of yep okay that's where i'm at think about it every time you you flicked my balls you flicked my balls yep yeah you flicked my balls and i might add angie and jay average swingers i know jay's received this from angie as well it's funny it's not fucking funny okay next time you think that's funny line up dry vagina hard penis whoa see now all changes let's wrap it up so i'm not i'm not at wrapping it up yet no you're not at like concluding how you thought them evening went not at all so she got she gave some um she gave some intriguing ideas how to help um relax a vagina all right now there's a few things work sorry i know i'm just interjecting this is comedy hour for one of them was called uh so there's names.

So you put a finger at the entrance of the vagina. I know this one, yeah. And you just shake it side to side. You do this a little bit. At the entrance of the vaginal opening. Yeah. Not on the clitoris. I know. Yeah, okay. I do do that, yeah. There's one she calls the screwdriver. Oh. Which is turning your hand. Is this with lubrication? Well, it's not all the way. Because that can actually be quite painful. Hang on. We're not fingers in yet. This can be just at the vaginal opening. All right. This is hilarious.

Trying to watch C put down a wine bottle and a glass at the same time on our glass table without it making a noise. With my left hand because I'm practicing for later when I masturbate with my left hand. So there was a screwdriver, which is, and then the other one, which is called worming. Oh, like this, like worm. You worm your finger in. Everybody right now, get your index finger. And worm it. Do a worm. Do a worm. Back forward, back forward.

So doing worming to help you get into the vagina and then you hold pressure down to help it relax and then you worm a little more and then down to help it relax and worm a little more and then down to help it relax and this is all about and you remember when you with hands with hunk hands he pushed on places inside you that hurt that felt uncomfortable okay felt sorry wrong choice of words um that felt uncomfortable so this is what this is about as well it's about making because like hansy said she also elaborated on the fact that if you've got a tight muscle in your neck what do you do with it you apply pressure to it you massage it to get that muscle to release, right?

Same thing with the vagina that is overly constricted. Stressed? Yeah, a stressed vagina. They can happen, babe. I mean, a vagina's had a hard day at work. Let's think about a prostitute's vagina i mean is it good or bad though the whole like needing to put pressure on did she say well no it's good bad no it's good because you continue to massage the area with pressure um that that may be uncomfortable to get it to the point where it's not uncomfortable because it may be an area of stimulation for you, right? So, for example, let's say your G-spot is really quite stressed, tight.

If you put a finger straight on that, you're going to flip out, right, because it's going to hurt. So you'll never want to go near that again.

Whereas if you slowly massage it, you bring it to the point where it's happier then you may get to the point of actually being able to have a g-spot orgasm well we do joke that i hold a lot of tension in my upper clitoral zone yeah i know but we need to move that now because your neural pathways are set to upper clitoral we now need to get it down to lower g-spot zone i would actually like to hear from anyone who has who changes it up this is an interesting point we change a lot of things up in our general life we sleep on different sides of the bed we change sides of the bed every couple of weeks it's really uncommon for people yeah people freak out when told that i make an i make a conscious effort to dry myself differently in the mornings.

I always walk a different pathway to the work or a different seat or a different carriage on the bus, the train, the whatever. But we are both guilty of masturbating the exact same way. Exact same way.

From the first time I masturbated until now, don't think i've ever changed i think it's exactly the same and you know it's also interesting you are bored well i'm not because masturbation is about getting to an end result yeah but we recently used the toy on you yeah and you the flip top and you were saying it's flip top it's actually called a flip top okay and you were saying like it's it's freaking awesome it's... Flip top. It's actually called a flip top. Okay. And you were saying, like, it's frigging awesome. It's better than a hand. Yeah, it is better than a hand.

But the problem with all male sex toys is there's a whole lot of fucking effort that goes into them. This is a tangent, but yeah. And then there's a whole lot of clean up afterward. Yeah, but if they feel better... The glorious thing about a vagina is it cleans itself. Oh, man. Oh, you should see the eyebrows. Like, I have smoke coming out of my ears right now. For all those ladies out there who suffer from, like, UTIs. Yeast infections. The list goes on. Yep. So, yeah, that was really interesting. That, for me, was the biggest takeaway, was change up the way you masturbate, people.

Change it up. Or the way you have sex. You know, it may take you longer with your partner to get off in a different way. You'll feel uncomfortable because, again, to your point, if the muscles are a little bit stressed. So, you obviously don't focus on the most uncomfortable part for an hour hoping to get somebody off, do you? So she explained that also, and I mean, this is relatively common sense, again, equating it back to your neck.

If you've got a crick in your neck, the last thing you want is somebody to drive their finger into the back to your neck if you've got a crick in your neck the last thing you want is somebody to drive their finger into the into the side of your neck you want them to slowly massage it build blood flow to it get it to the point where it's happier you know go away come back the next day do the same thing again go away come back the next so it's all about that continual um sexual exploration exploration and finding places that may not or may work to make you happier and more alive in your sex life.

But again, this also comes back to experimenting in the bedroom. We spoke about it recently, and I know that that couple next door then took that and they decided, hey, let's experiment as well. I've got photos. Because you do. You kind of get in this, rightly or wrongly, you kind of get in this routine maybe, or maybe it's not one move, but maybe it's like 10 moves that you rotate. Well, I'm actually just thinking about now my moves to get you off, because they're the same moves. They're the same moves.

Have we been neglecting each no it's not i'm not saying we've been neglecting each other it's just that again you go to an event like this you understand hang on there's actually a whole world of different things that i know i mean i know more moves than i use on you i use moves on other women because i know that you know you can tell by the moans or the sensations or the pelvis the pelvis hitting you in the teeth that they like that right so i use other moves on different women because i know the moves that get you off right but does that so to me that all i'm doing though is i'm shortening all i'm doing is shortening the point of pleasure for both of us because we're both getting to an endgame.

Which is, I suppose, you look at Tantra, that's what it's all about. It's not about the endgame. But we did finish with an endgame. I'm going to give you an endgame. School us. The end game is actually in case you can't have an orgasm it's called oh yeah the big draw okay which is an energy orgasm okay yep still got as everybody has anybody press pause or stop so um what it is it's doing – so you know your Kegels where you pull up? Mm-hmm. Yep. So your Kegels, you do an invigorating pant. So do a pant. Louder so the people at home can hear you. Yeah, invigorating pant.

As you breathe in of the pant you do a kegel in kegel tension if you breathe out you can do it faster though how do you do that yeah right um and also this is laying on your back you also rock your heels on the ground so your whole body there's a lot of stuff happening yeah right i mean this is rubbing bellies tapping head scenario all at the same time then once you get to the point where you're feeling a little light-headed it's the best way to put it you do effectively a v-sit not a high v-sit but a low v-sit and you tension you just hold tight and what is this achieving exactly this is achieving an energy orgasm you hold tight you hold your breath and then you just simply flop and relax on the floor and if done right can actually give you an orgasm like a like you feel pleasure you feel you feel an orgasm i don't know how else to describe no you're telling it's of an energy orgasm.

It's called an energy orgasm because I'm thinking because of all the fucking energy that goes into having it. But you can achieve an actual orgasm. So valuable? Yeah. You enjoyed yourself? Absolutely. I've got to say, first up, it was a little bit frightening. Not frightening. But was that your interpretation and you were a bit...

I i just was that your fault in other words could you have been it was my perception it was my perception right yeah because i walked into a room you were negative before you left no it wasn't no it's not that it's not that i was actually quite open to going to this event it was more that there were things that went wrong up and to it that pissed me off right now i arrived at the event open-minded because that's i want i wanted to learn from this event i got there i learned i absolutely learned but when i walked into the room it was very um sedative no no it was very um there was there was sometimes too much engagement and sometimes not enough in terms of the conversation in the group and it was just awkward.

The initial part of it was so awkward. And did they offer any kind of like, you know, introduction, lubrication, like a couple of drinks getting into it?

Was it very much a classroom learning scenario learning scenario so we weren't allowed to we stopped halfway through for a break in this particular location you're allowed to eat or drink in the um in the training area so no and to be honest i don't think alcohol is a good idea for an event like this this is something that you want to be clear-headed but it was i don't know it's just i can't describe why i felt it was just the whole room felt awkward when we first walked in there okay that's the best way to put it um and the very first thing that happened after a few people arrived to to tide to tide over until we got to everyone arriving with it and we then started watching effectively training pornography now that was that that wasn't awkward i actually quite enjoyed watching that which is actually the same yoni massages we went through okay right i quite enjoyed watching that because it's quite insightful the problem was is that it's broken up into a number of fragments or not fragments but videos and every time the video stopped the question was asked is everyone okay do we want to keep going or is this too much for you oh you know what kind of adds to the awkwardness it does but also it's i would almost want to say it's giving people the option to exit because some people may feel very uncomfortable.

But then at the same time, if you open that up to, hey, is everyone feeling okay or are you uncomfortable? No one's going to walk out feeling uncomfortable because that is awkward.

Can I say, if you've come along to a yoni massage event, you're okay with seeing a vagina Maybe you're not though Maybe you've signed up You know You don't know What people's circumstances are Well then fuck The first page of the sheet Needs to be changed Because it's a vagina It's a vulva Bam Bam And that's something else I learned about myself I love saying Mons pubis I love saying Mons pubis I don't know why Mons pubis What?

Mons pubis Oh I know what that is The mountain of pubes Mons pubis You like pubic hair I know I just like the word The term mons pubis It's like bludgeoned I like that word too That took a turn for the worse Yeah I'm not going to bludgeon a mon's pubis, I wouldn't think. Any closing statements, anything at all that's positive, not weird. If, now we were hoping to interview this lovely lady. If she's listening, can I say, well done. It was a great event. There was some awkwardness to start, but once it got into it, it got really good.

The other thing, the biggest takeaway biggest takeaway people change your shit up try different things and try different things with yourself spend some time on yourself yeah that's that's it that's my closing speech yeah i'm gonna change it up yeah i'm definitely gonna take that on board sweet so i'm gonna take it on board for when like i masturbate you as well or when i play with you is it called masturbation when you masturbate um yes no i don't think it is neutral masturbation no no there was that one time when i was using i got myself off at the same time i got you off yeah that was actually felt like a magician.

Well, that is literally, in your case, rubbing the clitoris whilst tapping the penis. Mm-hmm. Well, not tapping, but stroking. Yeah. Yeah. No, I'm going to change that. You should get into, like, clown work or something. So, thanks, everyone, for listening. I hope you found it insightful. Sorry that I spoke so much. I know there's a lot of my voice on here. No, it's good. It's interesting. I, I, I don't, I. So, we will definitely give this a try. It's not going to be this weekend. Yes, it is. No, it isn't. Well, we have a date tomorrow night. Maybe we can, like, tomorrow morning.

Yeah, so what? I'm going to wear out your vagina so tomorrow night you're like, oh, it hurts too much. Don't go near me. That's not going to happen. Thank you. We will work on this and we will come back to you and C and I will both give you a bit of a breakdown on how it worked and how it went when we can invest two hours into your vagina. I think there should always be time to invest two hours into a vagina. Well, I mean, it's your vulva. I think just probably just don't go to work. See, that's the other thing that just, yeah. Anyway, let's not go to work. Eight hours. Boycott work.

What were you doing? I can't come to work today. Not because I'm sick, but because I'm actually dedicating time to my woman's vulva. Yeah. Soz. Wow. Okay. So I think that we're at sign-off point. because i'm sick because i'm actually dedicating time to my woman's vulva yeah soz wow okay so i think that we're at sign off point we are thanks for listening um it's been great it has been good it's been uh insightful i'll uh i'll let you know how it goes peeps and i will also let you know how it goes doesn't matter yes it does okay all right bye guys this is c this is d this is swinging down