Swinging Lifestyle + Hotwife Lifestyle Podcast - Wanderlust Swingers Podcast
Ever been curious what Hedonism Resort is like? What a full review of Hedonism Swingers Resort?
We ventured to Hedonism in October for the 1st time and as requested on twitter, we do a full run down of what to expect, what the facilities were like, what some common misconceptions are, how to make the most out of your stay and why going with a group is critical in our opinion.
Next episode we will talk about our time and experience on site, this episode is purely a run down and review of Hedonism Resort in Jamaica.
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Transcript
You're listening to the Wanderlust Swingers Podcast with Aussie hosts, Kate and Daryl. If you're curious about exploring your sexuality or the swinging, hot-wifing and non-monogamous lifestyle, you've definitely come to the right podcast. Or maybe you just love travel adventures. Either way, we share our personal, sometimes juicy, sexy stories as well as Swingers Club and event reviews, interviews with other sassy people and of course our global swinging adventures. We try to bring you a look into the diverse lifestyle that the swinging and non-monogamous community has.
We hope you enjoy, now let's get into the episode. Hey guys and welcome back to episode 158.
Today's episode all about hedonism swingers resort in jamaica we went there for seven days and we're going to do a full review of the facilities the rooms and everything else we put a message out on twitter to ask if you prefer to mix it in with our journey and everyone said no two separate episodes so here we are daryl cultural tidbit i got one for jamaica okay yeah are you ready i'm excited okay it is illegal to be homosexual in jamaica whilst you can be sent to prison there are many articles that suggest that this is rarely enforced and since 2019 local activists have been trying to push back against the law to no avail so it's actually still illegal to be to be homosexual in in jamaica um hope they never go to hedo yeah so it is there's still a lot of stigma when i was reading about this there's obviously the law and yes you can be sent to to prison but there is a lot of stigma in the local communities i found out as well where you know suggesting that you're bisexual or gay is still something that is a big no-no apparently there's a lot of violence i guess that comes from that which is upsetting but hey these local activists they're trying to do their best so hopefully hopefully they get somewhere with that but that is the jamaica cultural tidbit well that's a bit of a downer it is a bit of a downer but hey you know people are trying to do stuff about it so that's a good thing right so we went to jamaica for seven nights i've been wanting to visit hedonism basically since 2016 since we started this journey right i wouldn't say it was that early but yeah it was pretty early on pretty early on i guess when you're in australia and you hear about all these like resorts around the world you want to experience them and you have not because we don't have those in australia right so we went there with a group of friends basically with the intention to just hang out with a small group of friends experience this and have a good time i feel the need to put a disclaimer at the front of this podcast and let me explain why i want to be very clear about the intentions of this episode it's to provide an honest and transparent view of our time at hedonism and to clear up any uneducated assumptions nobody sponsored this event travel or visit to hedonism we paid for it ourselves the only people who sponsored this trip were the delightful folks at our credit card company fair yeah which we definitely overspent but hey moving on where is hedonism in jamaica so the accessibility of it it's in the grill it's about an hour to an hour and a half transit from the montego bay airport or 15 minutes or 15 minutes daryl do you want to explain how we got there in 15 minutes versus the one to one and a half hours yeah we took a plane yeah i mean it's that's the explanation done highly recommend it yeah it was look it's it's not a cheap addition to your holiday it's $3370 one way, and it's a little charter plane.
So it does add $370 to your trip, but it gets you from Montego Bay to Negril and basically right across the road from the resort in 15 minutes. And it was nice. I felt like it was a nice start to our holiday, like after the travel in, having that view from above. Yeah, absolutely.
Quite a few people said to me well but you get to see some of jamaica if you come up by bus i feel like you probably should just leave the resort and go and see jamaica if you want to like it's uh the the flight is really nice way to do it i don't know what the other way is like because we haven't done it yeah we flew back as well yeah we weren't actually int weren't actually intending to fly on the charter plane, but then in the end we decided to, and then after the week there, we were like, fuck it, let's do it on the way back too. Hence why the credit card company sponsored this trip.
Thanks, guys. So talking about cost, people want to know about the cost of these kinds of resorts.
So we paid $3,206, six is very important, for the seven nights that we were that's about four hundred and fifty eight dollars per night usd for the i guess the all inclusive uh experience right so i don't know why a lot of these places tend to cruises do this too they always put the price per person which is interesting to me because even if you go as a single you have to pay the full price so you're always paying double it so i don't know why people do the per person amount it is 458 us dollars is what we paid for our entry level room do you how do you feel about the cost overall i mean it's an all-inclusive place so it's kind of what you expect right yeah it's not it's certainly not cheap by comparison to any any of the decent hotels we've stayed at but you don't go to hedo or desire or Carp to hang out in your hotel room yeah it's it's there to you're there to meet the people so realistically you're paying for the time that you get to spend with people so you know no cooking no no cleaning no having to wait on drinks it's just yeah you're there to catch up with individuals so the way I normally try to think about it is that if you're paying normally like $2 to $250 a night for your average hotel, and then you're doing breakfast, lunch, and dinner on site, for example, and let's call that $20 to $30 each, and then you're having some drinks, like it adds up.
So you can understand where the price comes from and looking at other all-inclusive resorts in some of these areas, you know, not being a lifestyle resort, it's about the you really whilst it is you know it can be a really stretched budget for for most of us it certainly isn't exorbitant in the way that you know they've taken a normal resort and then said hey because it's a niche market we're gonna mark up so it is reasonable for the area and the all-inclusiveness of it all the the area what do you mean mean by the area?
So the other resorts in the area that are not lifestyle resorts are the same price. Actually more expensive, but they were a bit fancier. Yeah, okay. When you're looking at that, they're not putting like a premium on the fact that it's a lifestyle resort, so they're not taking the price of the resort next door and then adding $200 a night because you get to be nude and stuff. Yeah.
So that was reasonable yeah now the entrance and check-in so it was about 60 occupancy while we were there apparently that's what we were told we don't know that for sure but that was what we were told at the front desk they were running at about 60 occupancy when we got to the hotel or the resort you obviously have to go up and check in do you want to run through kind of what that looked like for us yeah so we were dropped off out the front we put our bags to the side which is i suppose pretty standard we did a similar thing in desire as well where they kind of look after your bags until your room's ready so we we then basically wandered into the reception the reception sent us over to another desk yeah that's right yep that we um we were told yeah it's going to be a while before you get the chance to check in so i think it was we arrived at quite early yeah we arrived at like nine or ten a.m maybe nine yeah something like that yeah so from from there they said look it's not gonna it's gonna be at least midday before your room's available um it turned out it was a little later than that i think it was about 1 p.m that we ended up being able to grab it or move into our room but prior to that i mean breakfast was so people were just kind of starting it was nine because people were just starting to wander in for breakfast and we sort of sat down had some breakfast and and just waited for waited for the room and And a whole heap of people wanted in to say hello to people that we were there to catch up with.
Some arrived shortly after, some were already on site. So we managed to keep ourselves entertained, I suppose. Yeah, that's not uncommon.
If you get there really early in the morning, it's not uncommon that your room's not going to be ready, especially if they're running at high occupancy, you know got to flip the room so one of the things just a tidbit here if you're coming in late the night before maybe don't check into the hotel because you're going to pay that nightly rate just check into a cheap airport hotel and then go there first thing in the morning your room's not going to be ready but at least you can have the facilities the other thing is if you're flying in on the first flight of the day from anywhere in the u.s then then don't bother getting the yeah there's the pass whatever it's called the bayou pass mo bay mo bay pass yeah don't bother yeah i was gonna mention that yeah do it any other time of the day yeah from what i understand but if you're on the first plane don't bother you're going to be one of the 50 people in the airport yeah that's true so we.
So we were told coming in on a Saturday is a nightmare, definitely get Club Mo Bay. Now Club Mo Bay is where basically it's a VIP service. So you get off the flight and they greet you in a terminal. They walk you to immigration. They walk you to get your bags. They walk you through customs and it's like a VIP, kind of like a fast pass at a theme park, right?
We paid the money for that because everyone said to a Saturday nightmare, it's going to be two hours at the airport that you're going to have to wait definitely get club mobile we paid for it there was nobody there except our plane and maybe there was like 40 50 people on our plane so we got the first flight out of jfk into montego bay and there was bloody no one so actually i would recommend although it's a shit day because you've got to get up super early to get to the airport i would recommend it none of that fucking around at the airport yeah daryl's out i wouldn't recommend it at all one thing i did feel with the check-in process was that they didn't really give us a lot of information about the resort so they did ask us hey is this your first time here and uh they didn't ask first time to any resort they just said first time here and we said yes and the guy was like cool and then that was it you know what i would have liked is some kind of like hey here's a map the tour leaves at 10 o'clock or whatever it is you know you can go here breakfast is on right now feel free to go here do this the pool bar opens at x time there was there was none of that kind of orientation you were just kind of left to your own devices which was for us even though we have been to many different places i was a bit like oh shit what do we do where do we go you know we're just going to wander around kind of thing and we were still checked in i mean they gave us our wristbands and stuff we just didn't get any insight as to where everything was and what was happening at the time yeah yeah exactly so or a map or a map that would have been great but aside the room so we always stay in the entry-level room we stayed This time, though, view nude room so it's still entry level but it's on the nude side it's very entry level we didn't get a fucking towel or an umbrella there's a joke about the whole towel umbrella thing we'll tell that in the next episode when we talk about our funny experiences there but it was a big room though the size of the room i thought was a good size room in comparison to what we've seen at standard size hotel room you know you've got a few feet on either side of the bed and then a bathroom in the sort of built into the back any any of the double places double double bed places that we stay in generally around that size i like the fact that you had storage as well so i liked being able to put your shit away that was in H-Block, which apparently was a good place to be because it's not too far from the nude pool.
Nothing's too far from the nude pool, just FYI. Yeah. It's the worst case walk is like 150 metres or yards for those of you out there who can't convert. Yeah, it's not a long stretch to get anywhere from anywhere on the resort. It's a big resort, but there's not, but it's not huge amounts of walking. Yeah. On that fact too, and we'll talk about this in the lessons learned area at the end of this podcast.
But when you are heading to these places, you hear a lot of just information, you hear a lot of misconceptions, you hear about all this stuff and, you know, you start to get this picture in your head of what this place is going to look like. And one of the things that, you know, we've been told over the years and certainly even by people that go there is like, oh, you have to stay on the nude side because then you don't, you don't want to walk all the way from the nude pool, all the way at the end of the night from the nude pool down to your room. Like what a nightmare.
And in my head, I was like, fuck man, I got to pack like a packed lunch to get from one side or the other. And it's not that far at all. Like it's a couple of minutes at best. Yeah. I mean, it's at worst a four minute walk from one end of the side or the other. And it's not that far at all. Like, it's a couple of minutes at best. Yeah, I mean, it's at worst a four-minute walk from one end of the resort to the other. Yeah, so not too bad. It's not a big stretch. No. So the room, pretty basic room, as you would expect. Storage space, I loved it. They had a fridge in there.
They had, you know, the red light in the bathroom. Signature Hedo light, I'm told. Everybody gets that photo, which I did as well, in front of the door. People complained about the whole toilet door, bathroom, using the toilet facilities when your partner's in the bed. People complained about that, like just the lack of privacy, I guess, because it's not a fully closed door. It kind of slides. Well, it's just a sliding glass door, so there's no insulation. Like, yeah, if you're taking a shit, then somebody's going to hear you.
Does that bother you like did that bother you no when you're in the when you're in the bathroom you do whatever the fuck you want i mean that's that's the place that you can get away with being stinky shitty smelly and all the other things yeah i a few people mentioned it to me and i was like oh freshen up so maybe i'm not the right person to be asking yeah it didn't bother me it bothered some people if you look the forum, some people will like bring an extra sheet to like hang over the door and stuff. I don't, that did not bother me.
I thought that the facilities were perfectly adequate and fine for an entry level room. Like I had no problems. Yeah. I mean, it was a, like I say, for me, it was very standard, standard hotel room. I mean, I don't mean that's not a negative nor a positive.
It's just hotel rooms rooms are hotel rooms i've been in many of them and they all feel very similar and this one felt very similar i mean it's a little more sexy certainly with the red light and you forgot the mirror above the bed oh yeah the mirror above the bed yep which we never used yeah we did oh we didn't take a photo do you mean no we never used the mirror i was watching you give me a yoni massage okay well you use the mirror so the uh yeah so there's a mirror above the bed which is i mean it's a it's an interesting take it's not it's not it depends on who you are whether you're into that sort of thing or not i suppose but it's not something that i'm terribly excited by yeah yeah so yeah there was there's that uh the red light makes it a little more sexy that's about it really i mean otherwise the rooms are fairly normally furnished you know there's not a it's not like there's dildos on walls and yeah you know anything like that there's no single man you know glory holes that's right there's no like there's no like lube dispenser on the outside of the bathroom area with like a condom dispenser.
There's none of that kind of stuff happening. So it's just, I mean, to me, it's a very regular entry-level hotel room, double hotel room. Yeah, yeah. Which is, again, not a bad thing. It's actually quite nice in terms of the way it's furnished and everything. It's just a standard sort of a hotel room. Yeah, I'd agree. Let's talk about the pool, the facilities, the beach, the grounds. Like, let's talk about all of those things. Here's something I really loved. The water dispensers everywhere.
So when you actually arrive, well, we didn't get ours for hours because we saw somebody else with these, like, little water bottles with their names on it. We're like, fucking, we didn't get those.
And then later we managed to get them yeah but the reason they give you those is because there's all these water dispensers all throughout the property and in each of the little um clumps of accommodation they have these water dispensers which is absolutely fantastic and here is a gold tidbit for you take your water bottle up get them to put ice in it get ice water and then take it back room, put it in the fridge, and then later when you come back at whatever time you're coming back, you've got awesome chilled.
Why the fuck wouldn't you just take the bottle with you everywhere and refill it every five minutes? So amazing. I mean, just take it with you and then refill it at the bar before you come back to the room with nicely chilled fresh water.
Well, if you're dancing and stuff, you might leave it somewhere did carry mine around every day all day yeah the amount of fucking booze you drink you really should be carrying around here's my tidbit take the fucking water with you because if you don't it's likely you're going to get some form of kidney failure from the lack of fucking from dehydration from the amount of booze you're going to drink yeah i did like that i liked the fact that they had that water dispenser available that was really really cool dispensers dispensers everywhere multiples of them now the beach was undergoing some renovation so there was this bobcat going up and down the beach the entire time we were there and piles of sand and everything else they were also renovating some of the rooms now some people might be turned off by that because you know you've gone on holidays and the next thing you know there's a bobcat and you can't really walk up and down the beach but they have to renovate at some point in time so it didn't bother me at all like they were renovating buildings they had the bobcat up into the beach and i was like okay well when are they going to do this like unless they shut the resort down it's also in a very wet seasonal climate so also for those of you who don't know a bobcat is a mini loader oh shit is that not a global term no that's an australian term oh my god it's a brand yeah but bobcat is a brand oh my god okay mini is that what they call them elsewhere mini loader mini loaders with the little tray at the front tray and the big wheels the loading area yeah that guy yeah it's a mini loader and why did they make that noise that's that's the noise fucking hell look yeah so they We're doing some renovations there.
That mini motor's broken. I Yeah, it's a mini-loader. And why did they make that noise? That's the noise. Fucking hell. Look, yeah, so they were doing some renovations there. That mini-loader's broken. I mean, you can't get around it. Like, they've got to do it at some point in time. So I didn't really give a shit. I had some people complaining about it, but that's just kind of the, you've got to roll the dice, man. Yeah, but they only ran it during the day, and it was really quite discreet hours as well.
Like, I think it was from 9 a..m through to 4 p.m or 3 p.m it wasn't it certainly wasn't you know 6 a.m you hear a jackhammer fire up because that shit would have gotten some a lot more notes yeah well we went we went in the rooms next door we were quite a while away but uh i can imagine the people next door yeah a 6 a.m jackhammer they'd be like uh maybe not maybe not yeah i mean look i can understand if you're next door that'd be a little upsetting even at fucking 9 a.m yeah hey it has to happen at some point you can always ask for a room shift if if they've got one available yeah exactly yeah you know what else i liked i like the fact that none of the chairs around the property whether it was by the pool pool, by the prude pool, whether it was at the beach, none of the chairs were reserved and they didn't have this hierarchy of people at the resort.
I really, really appreciated that. What do you mean hierarchy of people? Some of the places we've been to, you have to get to the pool at 6 a.m. to reserve your chair.
And even then, if you have bought into the membership of that particular property, the first round of chairs around the pool are all reserved for those people that spend the twenty thirty thousand dollars on that membership and then the people that don't spend that money struggle to get a chair so i think that i liked that fact the fact that it wasn't there wasn't these reserved chairs there wasn't really this hierarchy within the within the resort i don't remember that at all don't you no Man. I just sit on cunts' chairs. Fuck.
If I'm on their chair, they'll just come over and say, get off my fucking chair. I get up and leave. Yeah. I mean, let me get you a fresh towel, sir. I mean, yeah. So, let me get this straight. Somebody spent the $20,000, $30,000 to buy into the membership and you're just going to like roll up and sit on their fucking chair without a care in the world. I mean, should I not? I mean, if some fucker lets me through the business class line at the airport, I'm not going to say no. Yeah, true, true. I mean. I liked it. You obviously don't. I couldn't give a fuck.
You don't care because you didn't even notice it. But for me, that was like, oh, cool, I really like this. I just sit on the end of – if somebody's laying down, I know. I just sit on the end of their fucking chair. Well, I think it's different if they know the person. I also don't lay down like you. I'm not sitting laying beside the pool or laying beside the beach, you know, just, I don't know, reading, watching the stars go by, whatever. Okay. That's not my jam. Let's talk about the beach. So another thing that I liked was that the beach was actually more secure. So there are a few vendors.
That's what I'm going to say. There's a few vendors that walk up and down the beach. I don't know. I think these guys are Hedo approved because otherwise there would be shitloads more. I don't remember any vendors at Desire. Are there vendors at Desire? No, but there's... So there's nobody on the beach. Okay. So at Hedonism, it's a private beach. So you actually can't enter the facilities unless you are a guest at Hedonism. There's a security guard at the end of each side of the beach that could be accessed by them. In Mexico, the beach is not private.
So people from next-door resorts, children, et cetera, et cetera, walk all on the beach at both of the other resorts in Mexico. This one has a private beach. So that's what I mean by the fact that it was more secure and I liked it. Okay. Yeah. I didn't even notice. Yeah. Because you didn't see any children and families and stuff. Yeah, but I didn't see any children or families at the other place either. Your memory is completely gone. Fucking like 10 years ago we went there. Jesus. I mean, I'm pretty sure the place has probably got new roofs by now. Well, we were last there four years ago.
Sorry, four years ago, ago halfway to 10 years almost if you round up like you do with our marriage yeah but the difference there is that you will see people coming and kind of gawking and walking up and down the beach really you don't see that at this resort so i liked that they're checking out my old saggy man balls they're checking them out fucking good luck to you enjoy i liked that something that i was a little bit shocked about i, but this is really neither here nor there, was that the grounds weren't as manicured as I was expecting them to be.
I guess coming from resorts in Asia where like, again, it's like that tropical climate and you've got all these beautiful flowers and hedges and really manicured places. I guess because the beach is so goddamn big, you know, in terms of all the sand everywhere that they just, they can't do that.
So I was expecting, I expecting i guess that you didn't remember walking through the huge forest to get to the fucking nude pool every day yeah like the little tree area it's a forest i mean yeah you don't get much more tree than a forest you know what i'm talking about though with like the beautiful little manicured hedges like what you see in like thailand and stuff like that yeah when you're comparing it to a five-star thai resort it's yes it's got less manicured fucking gardens again it's neither here nor there is something that i weird fucking comment people are gonna be like oh man it was terrible that you know there wasn't enough fucking hedging yeah it wasn't enough hedgerows oh man i could smash a hedgerow right now here's another thing that i really liked liked as well.
I feel sexier with hedgerows around. I do. Oh, yeah, totally. Yeah, it makes me like – Sexier. It makes me get wet. Oh, yeah, for sure. Because I like all these tropical flowers. Yeah, between the hedgerows and the – Look at the dew on that – And the fucking lockers. Look at the dew on that flower over there. Were there any lockers? Imagine a hedgerow beside a locker. You'd be like fucking sliding around like a snail. I liked the fact that there were multiple pools and multiple areas as well. So whilst there was like the one pool where everybody kind of congregates around, I don't know.
Sliding around like a snail. I liked the fact that there were multiple pools and multiple areas as well. So whilst there was like the one pool where everybody kind of congregates around, there are little pools everywhere all over the property as well. And I liked that because I think it's a good opportunity to flirt. If you want to grab somebody and go and flirt with them in a quiet environment, you can do that away from like the craziness of the pool. Flirt with them in a quiet environment.
Okay, so you grab somebody from the nude pool to take them away to flirt with them pretty sure you've already organized a bit of flirting before you leave the nude pool you know what i mean though like having that connection if you want to kind of get away from everything and connect a little bit more why are you shitting all over my shit because no cunts doing that how many people did you take away from the main pool five five other Five other people. Six including you. No, we did. You're lying. Wednesday. We went and hung out in the gazebo. Don't even. I hung out in the little pool.
Don't even. That's horseshit and you know it. Horseshit that we did that because we definitely did it. I have witnesses. I have stories. Yeah, you hear nothing. Yeah. And how was that flirting session? It was great. Yeah. Really? Yeah. Okay. You flirted a lot, did you?
Not reallyed a lot we hung out it was great i think it's a really good opportunity for you to do that so if you are interested you can go and do that you can go and hang out in the smaller pools and everything of course yeah by yourself i can enjoy it you and zero of your friends yeah the daytime pool things uh the activities and the host there wasn't for me. I understand this changes week to week, like depending on who's hosting, what groups are there. But the daytime pool activities with the pegging, like poolside pegging and stuff just wasn't my jam. Pegging? Oh, sorry.
Pegging and strap-on activities weren't really my jam. But anyway, so the activities. It's not my jam either. Yeah.
The poolside things like that sort of show, I guess, is not really my jam but anyway so the activities not my jam either yeah the poolside things like that sort of um show i guess is not really my jam uh a lot of people really loved it though so you know i think i'm in the minority there with my hedges remark but again i think it's super dependent on who is uh hosting because the pool parties are hosted by the groups that are there not by hedonism so food and drinks i mean you're at at an all inclusive. It's never going to be like super way fantastic.
We missed out on doing the hibachi and I understand the hibachi was absolutely tasty and fun because honey spins did the hibachi and it was kind of laced in with like sexual innuendos when the chef was making it all. And it was really, they said it was really, really tasty. We tried to go there two times.
times we missed out damn it um which was a bit of a shame i liked the italian restaurant it was probably my favorite on site because it was actually kind of indoors in a restaurant in air conditioning and felt more restauranty as opposed to kind of like a buffet or whatever there's another restaurant which is called flame it was closed when we were there but we did kind of have the same kind of menu and food up at the top pool. I understand that restaurant's actually open now. So we missed it by like two weeks or something like that.
I do wish I knew about the beachside grilling before I figured that out later in the week. It wasn't until like two days before we were leaving when I realized there was this whole grill set up on the beach, which was a bit of a shame. And for me, the only other thing I'd say is that a cocktail menu would be fabulous or like a cocktail of the day because I completely lack in decision-making skills, particularly after seven days of drinking. And there was one point there where I ran up to the bar and the guy's like, what do you want? And I said, what'd you make the last person?
Because I'll have that. And if you don't know cocktail names, I suppose you would be shit out of luck because there's no menu. Yeah. I mean, the drinks are, okay. So i'm a big fan of drinks that are poured not free poured they're actually shot poured right the reason behind that is because you get the same drink each time you get so the issue with the with the free pouring is at a place like this where it's free you know if you're out paying for it you don't mind a free pour because you may end up with more than what you're paying for. You feel like you're getting more bang for your buck.
Exactly. But when it's a place like this, you actually want to have something that you can rely on throughout the day because you're drinking from fucking 10 a.m. through to 4 a.m. generally, right?
So for me, a shot poured or a measured poured drink would have been really nice because you could never tell whether you were going to get something that would set your hair on fire or something that was okay to drink the reason i say this as many times and i know other people there were other people doing this as well you'd you'd take a sip you put the drink down and then you kind of forget about it because it wasn't something you wanted to drink right because it too hot, right? So that was certainly something that I think would be better if it was shot poured.
Also, they'd save them a fuckload of money, which is the other thing. Yeah. Yeah. So just some pouring caps for the bottles would be great. Not a real big problem, honestly. Yeah. You know, we're kind of looking for good and bad. Absolutely.
That's the small part here so that we can help people understand what to expect i will say that you didn't really have to i didn't i never waited for a drink i wait a couple of minutes not even i mean yeah the drinks of the the guys behind the bars very very fast yeah at all bars so what i'm saying by that there are multiple bars around the property that you can drink from and there's the main nude pool bar and then you've got one kind of up up at night time near the buffet and near the entertainment area uh the actually you know the only place i did try to wait for a drink was in the piano bar one night but that place was chockers and it had one person working there because i and then they had to bring more stuff in i don't think they realized how many people were going to be interested in the piano bar that night that place was full just to convert from australian again what did i say chockers chockers oh shit i didn't realize yeah it was which is shortening for chock full it was chockers chock-a-block you know but yeah i mean really couldn't couldn't fault the bartenders like they they were pretty well on it the entire time and even actually at the breakfast buffet if you ordered a you can order a coffee or a juice from the staff that come around and again they'd go off get it bring it back like i you can't i don't think Thank you.
And even actually at the breakfast buffet, if you ordered a – you can order a coffee or a juice from the staff that come around. And again, they'd go off, get it, bring it back. Like, you can't – I don't think I could fault the actual service in that regard at all. I couldn't fault the service at all. In fact, I think it's probably the best service we've had at any location for quite some time. The service was spectacular. The people were lovely.
from start to finish they even our cleaner even she you know when we were talking i was asking her like where's some local food and what's the places you go to and so she gave me some advice as well they were really lovely everyone was lovely honestly yeah that's true yeah you can tell you can tell that they're paid very i would feel that they're paid quite well by comparison to the people around the island. And they're also paid well enough that the tipping thing goes away. I mean, you're not allowed to tip on site anyway. You're not supposed to.
But because of that – Everybody gets the same level of customer service. Yeah. And it's really high. It's a high level of customer service. Yeah, and I will say that a lot of the staff there too, you know, they're not just, oh, we've all been here for a year. A lot of the staff have been- Been there years. Years and years and years. So, you know, some of them we met have been there for seven years. I think there was one of the bar staff was like 20 years or something crazy, like a really long time. So, yeah, I'd agree with that. Let's talk about the people. Who attends? What's the average age?
What are your thoughts on those things? What did you see there? I mean, I didn't get the food yet. Oh, okay. Sorry. What do you think about the food? The food for me, the buffet is broad, but I found it kind of boring.
The reason I say that is it was the same thing every day, realistically, for the buffet, with the exception, I know they do like the Asian day and the this and this day and that day but the food that is at the buffet for those days is typically quite quite beside the normal so there's just like a standard area that has the same thing every day yeah it's like they've always got like a salad bar they always have like a carvery station yeah but there's um but the thing i found the things that were done specialties on the days a lot of them were quite heavy in terms that they were generally quite deep fried or generally heavy food in you know in total there wasn't a lot of um range at the buffet if you didn't want steak and potatoes i mean you can't get steak and potatoes at the buffet but you know what i mean it was it was very it's a buffet yeah so it's a very much a buffet what i will say though i mean even I mean, even though you said, yeah, I mean, it's not...
Buffets aren't your jam anyway. No, not at all. So, yeah, again, asking the wrong person. The food was turned and cooked and cleaned. Like, I would say... Oh, yeah. The food is perfectly adequate. Yeah. I'm just being a fucking snob because I like good food. I did also like the sushi.
They had one one of the nights they had like a little sushi area and i was attacking the shit out of that so yeah that was good can we move on to the people yes okay so in terms of the people who attends average age what are your thoughts and then i'll jump into what i saw the average age is from from well i mean the age spectrum is from 30s through to 60s you think 60 was the top yeah okay 60s so that's all the way up to 69 so you think that guy in the loincloth that day so i think you're i mean if you want to pick the exceptions yeah there's one guy there that was 90 and there's also there was also one guy there who was fucking 25 Yeah.
I mean, we can pick the exceptions, but if you want the guts of who's there, that's what I gave you. So I would say, first of all, I want to say also, this is super group dependent from our experience, which was, you know, seven days, the only time I've been there.
When we arrived, there was a group of about 150 people departing and that particular group would have skewed the age to significantly older than the average i think because of that the size of that group and the type of that group so it's super group dependent i would say though it's probably the most diverse location that we've been in i think in terms of the age the size and the cultural background of people do you you're looking at me funny do you not agree with that have you forgotten france i mean fuck quite literally for people from all over the world there yeah true carb dog is literally a multicultural yeah environment yeah okay well let me let me backtrack and let me say it's the most diverse i've seen at a all-inclusive all-inclusive So, okay.
So, it's either Desire or Hedo is what you're talking about. Yeah, basically. Yeah, well done. Okay. Cool, cool. So, out of N equals two being your subset, this one was more broadly covered by individuals from different places and cultures. Well, it's not just that. Also, physical shape too. You know, we saw everybody there from, I don't know what American sizes are. I'm going to call it a size six Australian. So that's, so you're looking for zero. Okay, that's a zero there. Through to like a size 22 to 24 in Australian. Yeah. I don't know what... Take six away from it. Okay, cool.
So I think also it had the most diverse body shape and age and cultural background that we've seen. Okay. I mean, I'm not going to, I'm just going to, nobody gives a shit. I'm just going to disagree with you and say that, no, I don't agree, but that doesn't matter because it really doesn't matter. It depends on the group you take with you or the group that's there. Yep.
From what I learned from the very first day of getting there from the group of 150 that left if that group of 150 was still there when when we were there i probably would have been very uncomfortable yeah so i think it's really important you understand when you're going to hito who you're going with yeah yeah or who's there yeah okay if you're going alone as a couple or even as a single which you can of course then make sure you understand who's there because if the group of people who left i i was not interested in hanging out with well they all looked really sourpuss in the face too but i don't know maybe that's because they're leaving from their holiday i'm not too sure but that wasn't the reason yeah but there's you know i don't need to state the reasons but i'm just saying the people that were there with the day the morning we arrived were not my cup of tea.
So I very much encourage you, if you're going there, to make sure you know who's going. Or pick a group who you know is… Same ilk as you. Yeah, in a similar vein to what you enjoy. Yeah. That would be my advice because, yeah, the idea of going there and stumbling into what we did on the very first day, if that was seven days of that, I wouldn't have stayed at the hotel for seven days if that was the case. Yeah. Let's burn through the parties. So the night parties, they give you the option to kind of stay up at the night party. The disco is sometimes open. So is the piano bar.
There's really quite a few options if you want to go to different places around it. For the glow night, they had a DJ that was outside. I enjoyed that aspect of it, being outside in the main area. So let's be clear, it was fucking hot the whole time we were there. Yeah, it was hot. Sweat your fucking balls off the whole time. Yeah, at one point I was wearing a see-through dress that is literally mesh and I was still sweating. Yeah, it's warm. So I liked the outside bit.
I'm never a person that likes to kind of sit and watch the entertainment and don't get me wrong their entertainment was fantastic you know one night they had a singer the other night they had bdsm performers like their the entertainment that they had was you couldn't fault it it was absolutely fantastic every night every single night they had great entertainment yeah one of the things this is one of the the misnomers that well not misnomer but one of the complaints that we hear from desirees which is what misconceptions which is what i'm going to call people who are a hundred percent you know desires the best in the world and there's nothing else worth going to the misconception is there's no entertainment at hito which is absolutely wrong there's entertainment every fucking night during the day as well poolside there's entertainment's entertainment.
The whole time we were there, we were not unentertained. Yeah. There was plenty going on and good entertainment as well, right? The biggest difference was most of the time the entertainment in Hedo is outdoors, which means you're in the heat, whereas in Desire, it's indoors, which means you're in air conditioning. But it also means you're packed in, touching a whole heap of people. Right? So there's ups and downs to both of this. Thank you.
in desire is indoors which means you're in air conditioning but it also means you're packed in touching a whole heap of people exactly right so there's ups and downs to both of this one one of the misconceptions being no entertainment is an absolute untruth there is plenty of entertainment yeah yeah and good yes really good stuff yes absolutely i i'm very impressed i mean it's all generally young jamaicans doing the generally. Yep. They are exceptionally good at what they do. They really are. The bands were good. The DJ was good. The DJ was good.
If there was any singular complaint that I had, and this is going to sound fucking old, but, you know, I am. It was loud. For a couple of the nights, it was so loud in the area that I left with ringing ears. And I'm not being, I'm not exaggerating. We actually all as a group many times, or at least a couple of times, got up and left the enclosed, sorry, the covered area because it was too loud for us to the point of pain. Yeah. So that would be the only, that would be the only thing. And look, if you're 10 years older than me, you wouldn't fucking hear it anyway.
And if you're 10 years younger than me, you probably didn't give a shit. So, you know, it's just, I'm in the sweet spot where I can still hear and it's fucking annoying. Daytime activities, they have free snorkeling, free scuba diving. What's those little boat things, catamaran, the miniature cats, mini cats. Hobby cat. Hobby cat.
Those all free that you can go out go out and do i liked that aspect of it the fact that you could go out and do those things as well so there's there's you know there's entertainment during the day there's things to do during the day but there's also that aspect too if you want to go out on a snorkeling trip get aboard one of the free boats and go off and do that that was cool let's talk about the sex i'm going to talk really quickly about you know again other people think that you're going to these resorts there's going to be sex everywhere like constant sex like just people fucking by the by the pool right that's blowjobs that's that's your blowjob fucking jesus nobody no no no wonder nobody wants to blow so there is a little grotto a little playroom area by the by the hot tub i saw a few people going in there not like a huge amount of people but no i mean again another misconception is that there's going to be this crazy ridiculous sex happening all around you don't get me wrong there is a sexy environment you'll see the occasional blow job like i said the entertainment people were using a strap on they had butt plugs they were doing all of that sort of stuff but it is not something where you're just going to walk in and it's just going to be this crazy kind of sex that's happening all around you.
Nor will you be attacked by single men. Another misconception. Thank you very much, Daryl. Yeah, so this was a huge misconception. In fact, the only, the issues we had while we were there, and I say issues, might not have even been plural. It may have been issue, were not single men.
They were married men or couples yeah the single men who were there which there were only a few were very polite yeah um frankly i think too polite probably yeah yeah so yeah that's a huge misconception i remember i remember thinking back in the day so again the desirees out there who are like oh my god you go there and you'll get fucking pounced by single men like men total fucking horseshit like roaming in packs and just like moving among no that's bullshit maybe at the beach in fucking carp d'arg yeah yeah but you know you go to the beach and get nude in carp d'arg yeah you've given implicit consent for a group of men to gather around you and jerk off yeah so there was very very few single men the ones that were there were super respectful can't fold it i think that that whole misunderstanding and misconception about single men at hito is total horseshit yeah and so let's be very clear about that as well because our listeners understand that we play with single guys so we you know they may have this concept that we're more okay with single men being around it's not there is no single men around like it's not like that it really isn't in fact for me i would have preferred there were more single men around so we actually had somebody to fucking choose from honestly you know like there was and we had a single guy in our group fucking lovely do um we spent a bit of time with him there and also in New York after it.
Yep. But polite, lovely, educated, you know, all the right things. And that was the level of individual that was there. They were all very nice people. I wanted to touch on another thing too, another misconception, drugs.
So another one that people people say everyone's off their head fucking constantly is you know you can't walk from the restaurant to the pool without walking through a fucking cloud i went to new york afterward and there was more fucking smoke in the air there than there was in jamaica and believe me i am not actually exaggerating because i was walking down the road with my CEO who lives in New York. He lives on Manhattan. And he's like, yeah, there's a fucking, it's just everywhere. It's like the amount of smoke that's here. You just walk through it constantly.
And he's absolutely on the money. I mean, there is more pot smoked in fucking New York, in many places in the US or Canada. Yeah, exactly. So they do have a new pot shop on site called Hedo Weedo. But this, again, this misconception that basically you're going to go to Hedo and the entire time you're going to smell pot and everyone's going to be off their head. It's just not true. Well, I'm sure if you go with a group that goes there to just get fucking off their head and fuck up, then yes, it's probably true. Probably true, yeah.
But you can go to any resort or any club and have a group of people there who have the same idea who turn up stoned off their head on fucking ecstasy or you know whatever it's just not it wasn't a thing yeah are there drugs there yes there are they overused or constant no where we where we harass to take them all the time no i actually feel that it's quite a lot like the the dutch mentality for drugs in jamaica because it's been around it's been around forever it's never really been illegal you know so it's it's like the french with fucking wine their kids get given wine that watered down wine when they're like six years old right so it's not a fucking problem so nobody nobody craves the drugs or booze or anything else in this yeah it's all right i've got four more things i want to cover so lessons learned and misconceptions have already covered a ton of misconceptions about this one of them was the nude versus prude thing another thing that i guess you hear about places around the world are clothing optional with emphasis on optional.
Whereas at Hedo, there are areas where you have to be nude. And I remember being quite terrified of that prospect years ago, not having this choice to be nude. It was not an issue. I didn't find an issue with it. There's plenty of areas where you can be clothing optional if you'd like. Yes, there is one area of the property where you must be nude, but honestly, it was fine. Like I didn't feel forced into it or anything like that. I didn't feel any negative emotions towards it. Well, it kind of takes away your choice, right? So you... Rip the bandaid off if you're a little hesitant.
Yeah, it's not really. Yeah. I mean, and typically, we're a little hesitant. Typically, we take a few days to warm up to the idea of just walking out nude. Yeah.
And when you know you have to be nude at the pool it just makes it easy yeah it takes away the the concern about the decision and i think it's concerned about the decision more than anything else yeah and i guess you're wondering am i going to be the odd person out that's nude or whatever i mean everybody's nude so it's fine which side would you stay in i would personally stay in the prude side now it is about 40 roughly i think cheaper per night i'm not fussed i would probably stay in the prude side i'd stay there just before because it's cheaper there's no other reason i mean the rooms are exactly the same the rooms are the same the distance is not that much of a problem i mean if you've got a group of friends who are all in similar rooms very close to each other then that may make the difference yeah doesn't matter my costumes are heat dependent definitely i i you know wear the skimpiest shit you can because it's fucking hot even as a guy yeah wear booty booty shorts and a bra like just build your whole wardrobe around that seven days is too many i would say for us it is one of the lessons learned i think for us is that seven days on on a resort like that is probably too much for us.
You're saying us, but you mean me. No, I mean us. I mean, seven days is a lot. Yeah, but you were entirely comfortable the whole way through. So I would probably say just think about how you're dynamic in your own relationship, how you'd feel about that. Maybe book that. We mentioned MoBay before. Book it if it's going to be super busy, but if you're the first flight in, don't bother because there's nobody in the line. So, you know, make your decision. Would we go back? Daryl, would you go back? Yeah. Yeah, I'd go back.
So one of the things being very clear here, so whichever all-inclusive resort, whether it's a lifestyle resort or not, I don't care. I'm not an all-inclusive, consistent holiday man. Yeah. I need more than that. You'd like a bit of a break. No, it's not a bit of a break. I need more than that. I want to do interesting things. I want to go to new places. I don't wish to return to the same locations time and time again. Yeah. Right? It's not who I am. Yeah. So, people wonder why we've been so many places. That's why. A lot of it's work.
but anytime we get a chance to go somewhere, we're not going back to the same place. Yeah. We go somewhere different. Yeah. Just about every time, unless we find somewhere we really adore, which is, I mean, can you name anywhere that you absolutely adore and have to go back? I'd like to go back to Cambodia. Yeah. Phnom Penh was nice. But, I mean. Yeah, I get you. so get you. So this is the core of the problem for me is I enjoy the events when I'm there. Yeah. But I hate the fact that to me it starts to feel like Groundhog Day. Repetitive. And this is any of the resorts. Yeah.
Just being clear, this is not Hedo dependent. So this is very much my personal opinion. Would I go back? I would go back with a caveat. I would go back with a group only. group only i would never go to this resort just us two honestly i just wouldn't do that no me neither i would probably go to other places just us two but hedonism with how group dependent the resort is and how much it can shift your experience week on week yeah i would be going with a group actually never didn't think of that desire is significantly more transient i guess no. No, like it's unchanging. Oh, I see what you mean.
Yeah, yeah. Like it doesn't… So a group will come in to take over the place, but they don't take over the poolside events. They don't change it. It's not… So it's a lot more consistent. Okay. That's one of the things about Desire. Yeah, I think one of the other misconceptions I think that I've heard is, you know, that if you go to Desire to just relax around the pool versus Hedo to party, I don't think that that's the case at all. I think they're actually both very similar in that regard.
And look, if you guys do want us to do a side-by-side review of the places we've been and the misconceptions, we can do that in an absolutely dedicated episode. episode but for me i would go back during a good week with a good group and maybe for five days um we did this for cup dark who would you recommend hedo for so in cup dark we kind of said okay by our experience it's kind of for these types of people and don't go there if you're this type of person who would you recommend hedoedo for? Anyone, realistically. I don't think it's age nor shape nor party bound.
I think it's a very inclusive location. I don't think it matters what sex, race, orientation, ethnicity. It really doesn't seem to matter.
And would you recommend it for people that are brand new to the lifestyle, veterans, like where would you think there is a difference there then if you're saying it's for everybody what about someone who's six months in versus six years in no i think it's i think it's fine because if you're six months in and you are you go to the nude pool or and you get overwhelmed you can just turn around and go back to one of the others oh one of the other pools where you might want to like take somebody to like go and have a talk no no just to get away from everyone yeah okay so you know there's plenty of places that you can go and the other thing is i mean fuck you can just leave the resort i mean this is crazy right idea that you might step off the resort and go and have a meal somewhere else yeah you can also do that i mean that's that's something you can do but yes you can do that anywhere of course's seven days, I think, is probably too long for somebody who's new.
Yeah. Depending on how adventurous they are. True. Because it's a lot. It's in your face all day. Yep. But, frankly, again, you can just disappear to the other end of the resort and you're fine. You're away from all of that. So, for me, I think the only – I agree with everything you're saying there.
The only thing that i would add to that is that i think if you're 33 35 and under you might want to really really make sure like what you said before daryl who's going to be there which group you can i think that's for everyone there is you there is a um a new type of event that hedonism is actually arranging and it's kind of aimed towards that younger demographic but i can imagine like we went to desire the first time when i was 29 and even back then i was i think two decades the youngest person in the pool i think that the average here i might you might be exaggerating a little well there was at least one person i know you was a fucking deck within the deck i'm saying like the bell curve average so you know again it's probably something that i would are we talking about the bell curve or the average?
Let's be specific. Oh, shut up. Overall rating out of five. Don't do math wrong. Overall rating out of five, so we can close this podcast out. What would your overall rating out of five be? I'd give it a four. You'd give it a four? Yeah. Interesting. Why? It's not normal that I'm actually rating something under. I'd give it a four. I think the resort's fine.
The one thing we didn't touch here is the group we went with i'm not doing that on purpose you're not doing it on purpose but that fucking that that we've just stated the only way to go to this resort is if you know who's going and to go with with people that you think you'll be into yeah i mean there was everyone okay i was into okay like everyone okay well i'm gonna give it two ratings in that case because we're gonna in the next episode we're gonna talk about our experience and who Ooh, there was everyone I was into. Okay. Like everyone.
Okay, well, I'm going to give it two ratings in that case because in the next episode we're going to talk about our experience and who we were there with and everything that happened. I will give it a four based on our group that was there. If I'm just going to give it – God damn, just, I mean, seriously. If I'm going to give it a rating just at face value, on the resort, on all of these things that we've discussed, I'd give it a three and a half.
Okay, so what would you because you gave carp higher than that well carp had different restaurants that you can go to every night you know all of these types of things i think also had a hole in the door yeah it had a hole in the door which was not great uh but yeah that that's kind of that's that's my rating so if it's with the people that we were there with it's four if it's just as a standalone if you include the people for me half to five. Yeah, that's true. I mean, it wouldn't fucking matter where we were if we were with those people. We could be in a fucking hovel, a hobbit hovel.
But with that group, I'd be happy to look from behind and see them hunched over. If anybody does want us to do a side-by-side kind of comparison review of the pros and cons of each of them, because there are some people out there that are diehard hedonism people. There are people out there that are diehard desirees and both people that are diehard think the other one is not so great. No, they think it's shit and they're entitled to that opinion. There are, but I'm going to clear up some of that stuff. So if anyone wants that, email me. Let me know.
So now all of that being said, if you are interested interested in heading to hedonism resort we did mention that we recommend you go with a group and we'd like to kind of give a bit of a shameless plug to our friends because casual swinger mickey and mallory of the casual swinger podcast are going to hedonism next year from the 1st to the 8th of april if you guys are interested in joining them and their guests and attendees, head over to casualswingaweek.com and all the information is there on their website. So that's April 1st to the 8th in 2023. They are heading over.
Daryl and I aren't going to be able to join them for this event, but if you're interested in going to Hedonism, we do highly recommend that you actually go with our good friends, Mickey and Mallory.
They're longtime Hedonism lovers they know the resort they know the local area and they would be a great group to go with so if you're interested in that head over to casual swingerweek.com no this is not a sponsored post we just wanted to give them a shout out because they're our mates and honestly if we were going to head back that's who we would go with so thanks so much for listening to that review of hedonism resort in jamaica guys i really want to give a thank you and a shout out to our newest patrons for november so big thank you to joe charles connor nathan tna from ohio bobby starsky 73 and guillem thank you so much for supporting us over on We really, really appreciate all of our patrons and all of the support that you guys offer us month in, month out for producing the podcast.
We also had another review this month, so a big thank you also to Smooth ALX, and it says, great podcast. I've been listening to the podcast for quite some time now and always look forward to a new episode. C&D are a great couple. You don be in the lifestyle to appreciate their shows just not to be closed minded so thank you so much to smooth alx for leaving us a podcast review we really really appreciate it well that has been episode 158 our review of hedonism resort in jamaica thank you so much for tuning in you. Next episode, we're going to talk about what we did on site.
So stick around for that and see you later. They're sticking around for that, aren't they? Stick around for that. They're just going to hang out at the fucking download thing with their finger hovered over the button waiting a month for that to happen. Yeah, exactly. Maybe don't stick around. Go and have a life. Enjoy it. Do something interesting. Come back in a month and then download the next episode. Have a great November. See you guys next time. Sorry for Kate's ridiculous scale. Bye.
