Swinging Lifestyle + Hotwife Lifestyle Podcast - Wanderlust Swingers Podcast
Welcome to a new episode all about our play session with our Netherlands friends Mr and Mrs Dutchie
Foursome Swingers Play
We share details about our recent play session, saunas, 6 handed massages, yoni massage, nuru massage and how Mr Dutchie fucked Cate 10 ways from Sunday
We share the pitfalls of swingers play and why we need to step up our game.
Swingers Events
We've got a brand new webpage with the global swingers events listed that we are hosting, attending or recommend. If you're looking for Swingers Events around the world, head over to our website https://www.swingingdownunder.com/swingers-events/
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Love, Peace and Respect
C D
Transcript
You're listening to the Wanderlust Swingers podcast with Aussie hosts, Kate and Daryl. If you're curious about exploring your sexuality or the swinging, hot-wifing and non-monogamous lifestyle, you've definitely come to the right podcast. Or maybe you just love travel adventures. Either way, we share our personal, sometimes juicy, sexy stories as well as Swingers Club and event reviews, interviews with other sassy people and of course our global swinging adventures. We try to bring you a look into the diverse lifestyle that the swinging and non-monogamous community has.
We hope you enjoy, now let's get into the episode. Hey there guys and welcome back to episode 167 of the Wanderlust Swingers podcast. My name's Kate and I'm here with the person that also happens to live in the same household as me. Is it correct to say welcome back to the new podcast? Welcome back to a new episode? No, no, I mean to the new because you're saying welcome back to episode 167. That sounds like you're welcoming people back to the episode 167 rather than... That's true. Know what I mean? Hey, everybody. Welcome back to the Wanderlust Swingers podcast. This is episode 167.
There we go. The comma makes a big difference, right? You just got to put the comma in the right spot. Yeah, you do. So this is an episode about foursome swingers play, and we're going to talk about Yoni and Nuru massages while we're at it. First of all, as always, cultural tidbit, we celebrated Pride Weekend here in June, and we celebrated it in Utrecht. In Pride Week. Pride Week, rather, yeah, Pride Month, rather, but we went to the Pride, specific Pride Weekend and... Parade. Parade, and it was in Utrecht, so I wanted to find out about the history of Pride in Utrecht.
Are you ready for this? Oh, I'm ready. I hope so. So the first Utrecht Canal Pride, also known as Utrecht Pride, took place in 2017. It marked the beginning of the annual festival. The owners of a particular cafe here, Cafe Kalf, a popular LGBT cafe, initiated the Queer Revet in Utrecht because the boat that they have was no longer permitted in the Amsterdam Pride Festival. So, in 2017, they decided, fuck you, Amsterdam, and launched their own Pride Canal Festival here in Utrecht. Well, so born out of spite. Yeah.
They organised an independent boat parade without commercial participants, which is a big thing there.
So, the inaugural Pride Festival featured 25 boats commercial participants yeah yeah fuck that's changed doesn't it featured 25 boats and attracted 20 000 visitors this year i looked up the stats today well the stats that we went to were 100 000 visitors 50 boats and by the way number 48 was a boat for poly millennials very niche extremely niche we're niching ourselves down to insignificance yeah so anyway so that's the that's the cultural tidbit what do you think utraic pride i thought it was good 2017 it launched so it's gone five times the number of attendees and double the number of boats yeah but and a fuckload more commercialism like a metric fuck't think the – Might be even an imperial fucktongue.
I don't think the boats themselves have. I think the big thing – Yes, they have. There was fucking boats there that were sponsored by, like, Coca-Cola and shit. No, there was no Coca. I was about to – You know what I mean. Like, I'm just using a brand. Sorry, Coke. The other – there were other – there were definitely things there that were sponsored by people. Yeah, by companies. Yeah, we'll have to go back and have a look. It defines commercialism. Interesting. Plus, there were definitely things there that were sponsored by people. Yeah, by companies.
Yeah, we'll have to go back and have a look. Defines commercialism. Interesting. Plus, there were people everywhere selling little tidbits on the side of the fucking canals. That's different. That's not to do with the actual, like, boats. Yeah, probably. I couldn't imagine that anyone would need any sort of, I don't know. Refreshment. Licence or anything to do that? Oh, maybe they would.
Maybe they would need a license license what's that cake thing we keep eating cake the vanilla slice thompus maybe they're sponsored by some sort of thompus supplier so maybe and thompus seems to be the uh celebratory cake of the dutch it does a house got broken into yesterday so we are coming at you you from the kitchen and on a brand new laptop that we procured in the last 24 hours. So hey-ho. Sexy police officers, that's a little bit of what's up for us. Not for me. It was up for you. Or should I say squirty and down for you.
I keep saying that you have some very exciting news, but you don't want to share it with anybody. No, I don't. It's mine. I can share it with who I want to share it with. I'm really proud of you. Can you please maybe share it with everybody? I'm proud of you. I'll see share it with. I'm really proud of you. Can you please maybe share it with everybody? I'm proud of you. I don't. I mean, I have to now, don't I? It's not like I have an option now. I can just put crickets in. The only thing I can do is ask you to cut out this whole fucking bit. It's kind of like I have no option. Yeah, okay.
All right. Well, I finished my pilot's licence here in the Netherlands. Yay! Although it won't be a Dutch pilot's licence because expensive. So you're now, this is your second pilot's licence though. This is not your first one. So now you're dual. Is that what they call you? Are you called like a dual pilot licence person, holder person?
No's many there's many others as well you know like balloons and oh yeah it makes sense you'd need a license for that yeah yeah you need a license for a balloon and a drone and uh you know glider and you know there's a few others out there oh i forgot you know the little blimps you need license for that as well because they're not a balloon they're not a glider you can now fly helicopters and planes just in case we you know have any spare money laying around after replacing all of our shit so we just got back from four nights five days we went to croatia we were there speaking of first world problems yes speaking of first world problems we were there with the spicy match team So like a massive island takeover, 600 swingers.
So that's... Fuck, I love Croatia. I know, right? Yeah, I really do. I kind of missed it. I realised that after we landed, I missed it a lot. And I guess we can talk about that when we do the spicy island kind of recap that we'll do in a couple of episodes. And travel updates. Tomorrow we are off to the UK nice and early. Daryl, would you like to now know what time? No, I don't want to fucking know. Okay, cool. We're going to the UK tomorrow for our hot summer nights party takeover at Penthouse Playroom. So that's all for us, but let's get on to the episode.
It's going to be like fucking 4am, isn't it? It's 5. We have to be at the train station at 5.50. Fuck. I fucking hate mornings. You do. And so does Penny, actually. You guys both hate mornings. Yeah, I know. Yeah, but Penny hates nights as well. I did ask you an interesting question in the shower the other day. Yes. Monday. Bye. so does Penny, actually. You guys both hate mornings. Yeah, I know. Yeah, but Penny hates nights as well. I did ask you an interesting question in the shower the other day. Yes. Monday. What was it? Whether or not your sperm are also non-morning people.
So if you have sex in the morning and you're actually trying to get somebody pregnant. Don't have sex in the morning. That's like how it works out for me. What would be your... Because I'm not a morning person.
What would be your sperm, like just hanging back in your ball sacks like not doing shit until i get my coffee ball sacks ball sack how many fucking how many balls how many balls do i have well you're a dual pilot licensed person so now you have you gotta stop saying that you're not a fucking dual pilot yeah but do you think your like little spermies are just standing there with like a cup of coffee like i ain't doing shit Fuck it, if they're – yeah, they should be. Actually, I'm hopeful that they're like that all the time, just quietly. Just grumpy little fucks?
No, just fucking hanging out there, not really doing anything. It's much better than the alternative. Grumpy little fuckers, that's what your sperm are. Yeah, probably. In the morning. Maybe not just even in the morning.
You tell me I'm grumpy and old, so old so hey do you want to talk about foursomes and massages and playing with mr and mrs dutchy i mean i suppose we have to really don't we we haven't actually spoken about mr and mrs dutchy properly yet so this is kind of like two play sessions in one that we're going to talk about we're going to talk about the recent play session and then we're going to talk a little bit about the previous play session and why that particular chat for about three months was titled Two Men and a Tiny Robot. Yes. So Mr. and Mrs.
Bucci, we spoke about them when we talked about the New Year's episode. If you've heard previous episodes, you've heard us reference them.
A lovely couple that we happen to meet of all places on Reddit, which is normally like the bowels of the universe the bowels of the interwebs um so are you calling them poos no i'm saying you just said they came from the bowel yeah i'm just saying that they're weird thing to say about our friends don't make me feel bad be nicer they're lovely they are amazing yeah well not the way you're describing that was my point man so what they're gems from the bowels of the universe? Yeah. Okay, that sounds like a reference somebody's used regularly. They're diamonds in the rough. No, they're not.
They're fucking diamonds. They're not in the rough. They're not rough. Can you just... Diamonds in the rough means they're uncut, you know, and they're cut. I mean, they're fucking cut. Yeah, they are actually both red. You can't say they're uncut. They're certainly cut diamonds, without a doubt. You sexy motherfuckers. Right, so we're going to talk about them and some play session stuff and dig in a little bit to some feelings and some boudoir stuff and kind of all the rest of it. Are you ready to talk about it? Yeah, you keep asking me whether I'm ready rather than just talking about it.
Fine. We should just talk about it. So we started by going over to their house.
We're going to talk about the boudoir in we talking about the first no this is the second first the most recent the second first yes your words are so terrifyingly awkward okay the second first yeah got it that's what we're doing got it so let's go let's go okay good we go around to talk about it we should talk about it are you ready i'm ready okay so we go into the house brace yourself and and we kind of catch up we have a bit of champagne we head up into their boudoir we'll talk about the boudoir in a little bit we decided oh i decided i would like a sauna so in their boudoir they have a sauna and i didn't use it the last time you and mrs dutchy uh took the moment to have a sauna, but I didn't go in.
We did. And this time I was all about it. Which is unusual for me. It was unusual. Not very big on saunas. And big on Mrs. Dutchie, though. Yeah. Yeah, I figured that was what was going on. I was very surprised with the whole situation. Yeah, I'll happily follow her into places I normally wouldn't otherwise. Yeah, there we go. Okay. Yeah, that makes sense. Like not a trench with hand grenades in it or anything. You're on your own. You're just pushing her in. Jesus Christ. I'm not going to push her in, but I'm not going to fucking follow her in either.
I mean, although I don't think she'd walk into a hand grenade laden trench. She'd probably ride in. She's Dutch. That's so bad. That's so good. Sorry, Mrs. Dutchie. So it was my turn.
I wanted to have a sauna and i thought mrs dutchy was going to come with me and then at the end she was like no i'm not gonna come in and i was like oh eat a bag of dicks in my head i was like that's gonna be amazing and so uh mr dutchy came in and joined me in the sauna and you and mrs dutchy were kind of hanging out in the boudoir i think making out's a better word well this is getting to my point actually so while we were in the sauna and you and Mrs. Dutch, you were kind of hanging out in the boudoir. I think making out's a better word. Well, this is getting to my point, actually.
So while we were in the sauna, and you don't know this, but I'm going to share this with you, we've been trying to be a little bit healthier lately. We've been trying to, we've been drinking less. I've been drinking less. Yeah, I was going to say, I don't think I've been drinking any less, but you certainly have. I've been drinking less. We've been watching what we eat.
eat our bank balance looks amazing because of it as well because it's like less than one bottle of wine being consumed a day yeah but i mean the point of the point of this whole i guess story sideline is that you know when you're on your journey to feel better about yourself sometimes you know you just don't necessarily feel stellar all the time and whilst mr dutchy and i were sitting in the sauna together he gave me an amazing compliment he told me how beautiful he thought i was oh that's very nice of him that nice yeah and i don't think sometimes you realize like some of the the impact that what you say to people in lifestyle has right like if you go to an event like you do especially you know you give both men and women and everybody anybody, you give them compliments if they deserve it, of course.
Yeah, if they're not cunts, cunts don't get compliments. Yeah, that's exactly right. Hey, quick shout out to the hump day quickies if you're listening, cunts be cunts. You mean a cunt's got a cunt? That's it. Yeah. I apologize if you are not normally... You shouldn't be listening to this podcast. I mean, if you can't handle the C-bomb, this is not the podcast for you. We should stop saying it now. Why? Oh, because we might get demonetized. Yeah, right. Okay. Fucking hell. This is making us filthy rich. Yeah. Anyways, let's get back to sex though. Okay. So he gave me a really nice compliment.
He told me that he finds me very attractive and that I'm very beautiful. That's lovely. Isn't it lovely? And going back to what I was just saying.
It's not a surprise he is a lovely dude yeah they're both lovely but i think lovely is a weird word though we forget how what the impact of some of our words are like that changed my night around really like i was a little bit unsure of myself kind of got naked you know go on the sauna naked and then i and then he said that and then you sat down which is always the worst way to be naked if you're feeling fat i know because you immediately notice your thighs and rolls pokey podgy bits you're like oh man i shouldn't have sat down i should have stood up in the sauna for the first fucking hour until i until i like sawned off all the fucking weight and i'd be fine then i could sit down like only then though not now not now so whilst we were in the sauna we noticed and could hear some moaning happening so can you run us through the dear listeners and myself what the happened because when we walked out things were full steam ahead oh they were mid-steam, mid-steam.
Quite a lot of kissing. There was certainly some fellating, which is always spectacularly nice. A little bit of cunnilingus as well. And then some dry humping, which was also a lot of fun. Okay. Yeah. So there was all of these things mixed in and sort of, I'm just highlighting them. They kind of happened not in a sequence. It was like one thing and another and then another thing. It was lovely. It was really nice. I really enjoy time, sexual time with Mrs. Dutchie. She's a very sexual and quite enthusiastic. I really like her enthusiasm.
She's very involved and makes nice noises and gives you feedback that helps you understand whether you're doing things right or wrong. Yeah, and hopefully, you know, tells you as well if you're doing anything wrong. Because that's always a fear, right? I think it is a big fear. It's always a fear you're going to fuck it up, especially with someone you actually like. Do you remember years ago when one of our friends came out and admitted to the fact that she'd been faking every orgasm she'd ever had for the past like five years in her lifestyle journey, you know, you've had sex with her.
And I remember her being performative in that way. So, yeah. Well, she wasn't performative, but she obviously faked it. Yeah. So, I think there is an element of like fear around whether or not you truly are actually. Actually, I don't. So, let me just be clear here. I don't mind if somebody – No, if somebody doesn't have an orgasm as long as they're having fun. That includes me, I might add. Yeah. I mean, there can be a lot of fun. And for some people, men and women in this lifestyle, it's actually – it's more obvious in the lifestyle with men than it is out of the lifestyle, I think.
A lot of men coming in the lifestyle yeah um and i think it actually balances kind of balances the score with how many women have trouble having orgasms out of the lifestyle if you know what i mean like that so i don't mind if you're enjoying yourself and and you never actually climax but you're enjoying yourself i mean yeah so it's the same for me as well i don't have to climax every time it's kind of fun to though yeah yeah but it goes back to the and by the way everybody daryl and i haven't been on a podcast together i want to say for four months or something more more so this is going to be a very randomized i think episode but because our episodes are never random i i agree i think that there is so much pressure to orgasm and i think it actually can subtract from really just living in the moment and enjoying yourself yeah i wouldn't say it's i wouldn't say it's pressure in most cases um i don't i don't think anyone well i mean certainly i would hope that there's not a lot of people who apply pressure for orgasm i'm talking more about like self-pressure expectations you know societal expectations you probably don't no no it doesn't sound like a fucking thing so you actually were in the middle of giving mrs dutchy a yoni massage when we walked out yes or had just finished because i think that's where all the moans were coming from yes i don't think i was i think you've actually got that wrong i think i was actually um going down on her whilst massaging.
Okay, I just remember you telling me that you gave her a yoni massage later in the evening, so I assumed you'd done that. Yeah, there was a whole lot of things in there, part and parcel, right? Okay, cool. So like I said, they were kind of mixed up. So what's the yoni massage, according to Daryl?
Well, I use the term yoni massage rather than the term finger finger banging not that i was like banging away with my fingers but you've done that yoni massage course thing though i have yeah but it was a little strange i mean it kind of gave you directions around things but it was remember i did that in singapore right yeah i think it was really focused on just helping guys who had anatomy very little experience mainly sorry let me correct myself they had porn experience just a lot of porn experience and they hadn't actually really looked at really been involved in anything other than porn so because of that they were you know just focused on well finger banging like the real term finger banging but yeah so anyway i guess so i was going down on her whilst uh whilst massaging her her trying to massage a g-spot now one of the things again coming back to not getting things right we haven't really done a lot of communicating on this yet in terms of where we see it whether we're you know whether everyone's happy with how things are progressing or how things are because we're we're still reasonably early i'd say we're good I'd say we're good friends, but we're reasonably early in the sexual exploration part of what we're doing.
Dude, they popped around the other day for like two minutes. I was so fucking excited. I thought they were going to come and day drink randomly with us. I saw them come on the bikes and I'm in my… Kate's measurement of friendship. The little excited one on my shoulder. Actually, you fucking blame me first.
Let's just get this straight for the listeners no I said oh did you did you plan this because again I was so excited and I thought I saw them because I was making a coffee and I thought quick question hell yeah they come on a day drink Daryl's arranged this oh my god oh wow and they were coming for a little pop in but they weren't they weren't staying they were just dropping they They were dropping a present off. Yeah. Which was lovely. Also lovely. So, we haven't had a lot of discussion around sexual, like... Well, we've had it... I mean, we've certainly had some of the...
You know, we had the initial consent conversations and that sort of thing, but... Her and I spoke about strap-on over a seven or eight-course degustation. Very nice meal recently. Yeah, well, that would be, you know, table talk for us though, right? So it's not too unusual. There's one of the things that that's always a fear, but you know, you kind of muddle your way through as well. If it sounds right, then it probably is somewhere near right. If it sounds right, you do right. Yeah. Something like that. Some sort of new slogan. So we come out, this is all kind of unfolding.
And we decide to, by my suggestion, give Mrs. Dutchie a six-handed massage. Were you chatting in there? Just chatting? Yeah, hanging out and chatting and catching up. Because in my head, I was like the evening hadn't yet been at that progression. Got it. Because when Mrs. Dutchie and I were in there, we were playing with each other. Yeah, yeah. So, just a heads up. I mean, that was the last time, yeah. The first, first time, not the second, first time. Exactly. So, we gave Mrs. Dutchie a six-handed massage. She was on her belly. Yeah.
And this is where you, at your suggestion, decide that I should give her a Nuru massage. Now, Nuru massage… Oh, Nuru Massage is a special kind of massage stuff that you mix with water and it's almost forming like, it's a jelly-like substance. It's kind of like, it's very similar to what the jelly wrestlers wrestle in. That's what you should use for a Nuru Massage and that's why when you... I mean, you're just using, that's just a brand that's stolen the fucking massage. It's called a body-on-body massage. It's called a Nouveau Massage. No, it's not.
That's like saying it's a hallmark fucking, you know, day or whatever. You don't steal shit. Explain what it is. Yeah, it's, well, you, so we put some, well, she was really quite well coated with oil already. Yes. And then basically you put some oil on the front of you and you then massage her back using your breasts and your body, basically, your whole body. Yeah. So it's very sexy to watch. You know, it's a very sensual massage because it's body on body. So, yeah, I mean, that's the descriptor. Would you like to add anything? Yes.
Nuru is actually a Japanese word meaning slippery, and it originally started in Kawasaki in Japan. So it translates from... Look at me. Look at you. It's Googling shit on my new computer that got stolen two days ago. Yesterday. Yeah. Yeah, that's right. Little Miss First World fucking stolen over here. Within one day, she's Amazoned a new fucking computer.
But it is a form of erotic massage so basically a full full body on body contact so mrs dutchy was lying on her stomach sorry nuru the brand nuru i'm apologizing them to to them because i thought they were big stealers it turns out they weren't we were massaging i was massaging her and i was like putting my full body on her so she's on her stomach and I have my breasts and I'm rubbing up completely against her. Now, I was really focused on her and I was kissing her and things like that whilst I was kind of putting my body pressure and stuff on her. What was happening with the gents back there?
Because I couldn't really see what you guys were doing. So give me a rundown of the view, what you guys were doing, all of that. I'm surprised you don't know, given that your pussy was involved in it. Yeah, but I just want to... Okay, sorry. So the gents were busily playing with the ladies as they were rubbing against each other, basically. So we were rubbing the inside of your thighs and, you know, just being generally sensual and then also the occasional bloop. Sorry, accidentally, accidentally touched your pussy. Accidentally on purpose. Maybe ever so slightly on purpose.
What was the view and everything like? Because that was the first time Mrs. Dutchie has had that kind of a full-body massage before. Was it sexy to watch and see? Yeah, I mean, yes, absolutely. Very sexy to watch. Are you sure it was the first time she's ever had one of those massages? I think you need to confirm that. I'm not sure that I'd say that that's the case. That's what she told me on the night, I think. Gotcha. Hey, the police just drove fast. Oh, good job, fellas. Keep it up. Probably because the people are stealing shit.
Police stop people from breaking into our house again while we're sleeping. That would be great. Yeah, it was very sexy to watch. I mean, it's always sexy to see two ladies engage with each other when they're actually into each other you know when it's not again performative but when you actually like the feeling and the sensation and and by the way just coming back to the whole nori no because nori is very different well it's still japanese though yeah no i know but it's the green stuff that goes around fucking sushi anyway so yeah back to Nuru.
Going back to Nuru, I forgot what I was going to say because I went on a tangent too far. And I just snorted, so there you go.
I've got a question for you because when you're watching, although you are engaged, I would say mostly that is a pretty voyeuristic thing to be doing, how would you classify yourself do you would you say you are a voyeur do you like voyeurism is that part of your interest levels watching something else unfold like what how is that for you it's hilarious that you ask me this what what's my favorite thing that you do yeah fucking fucking people maybe you could put the crickets in here I mean, do I enjoy voyeurism? Yes, but only particular types of voyeurism.
I enjoy being voyeuristic with you being involved in things, whether I'm there or not being voyeuristic. So yes, is the short answer.
Does it differentiate your voyeuristic pleasure when, say, I'm with couple versus maybe a single guy does that does that change the dynamic of your yes it does okay so my preference is for you with a single guy over a couple and and with a couple over a single over a lady yeah but that's my preference it doesn't mean that that's what you must adhere to well it also doesn't mean that you don't like the other stuff it's just no i do very much like the other stuff it's just not what about in a club when you go into a club going and watching people still the same fuck oh you mean voyeuristic yeah in that regard no so i enjoy watching other people fuck but just like for me just like strip clubs i hate the idea that i can't be involved so if i now let me clarify for all the people out there that now think i'm a fucking pervert i am okay not being involved but it's certainly not my preference so i would much prefer that i have the ability to engage with the people than not then that may not necessarily mean physical engagement as well right so let's say as an example i was put in the boy chair in a lesbian in in scenario with two lesbians and yourself you know just throwing that out there for any of our listeners who may have a boy chair in their room yeah i'd i'd be happy to sit back and watch and and talk and you know engage that way and just understand the sensuality the sexuality that's going on that's still engagement it's just not physical engagement yeah i understand yeah so that was my turn so i laid on my back now and you know i think you were instructed to lay on your back actually my pussy was exposed my not by me and he was the here funny thing where my head's like, okay, cool, I'm going to get a massage first and then we're going to start fucking no.
Well, yes, you've got a small massage. Stop being so fucking complaining. I'm not being complaining. Man, listen to you. Oh, I only got a small amount of massage before I got joyfully fucked.
It's as funny to me because my head was in, again, like one and then and then obviously everybody was kind of like going down mrs dutchy was going down on me and everyone was touching me and i was like oh that's what we're doing right now and i remember she stopped for a second and she was like oh is this not what you wanted i was like no i do want it keep going my head was like massage first just funny how i'm very awkward sometimes you know, sometimes. A little bit of gamer catch-up, brain catch-up. I think it's probably, so keep in mind, you know, Mrs.
Dutchie and I were a little ahead of you and Mr. because you were in the sauna. So we were a little bit ahead of you. So that probably helped push things along as well. Yeah. So Mrs. Dutchie was going down on me, which she's great at. I love that. And you guys were coming in with the assist and I was then sucking your cock, which is kind of a really, I love doing that. I love it when someone's going down on me and I have another cock to put in my mouth at the same time. You had two cocks you could have potentially put in your mouth. I don't know. There was a fucking cock fest.
They were everywhere. Could have slapped them off. But it's definitely one of my favorite things. But I have a question to ask you. I have a hot seat question, which is normally something I do for the people I'm interviewing, but I have one for you. Okay. When somebody is fucking me or going down on me or fingering me or what have you, and I suck your cock, what is my skill? How good are you at sucking cock at that point? When that's happening. Yeah. I've got to say, I think for most people, it's about the same. You're never going to be spectacular at sucking cock.
I didn't ask about anybody else, babe. No, I'm talking about you. So, it's a 69 scenario, right?
A 69 just means that both people are getting pleasure, but's really enjoying themselves you know what i mean yeah because you're in a 69 it's it's all too complex convoluted and it's a similar scenario you've got other things going on your mind's focused somewhere else and let's be fair nobody can do two things at once well everybody does one thing it once well regardless of sex i might add but they do two things less well and then three things even less well so if one was a below average uh cock sucking and seven was fantastic cock sucking you really want me to rate your fucking cock sucking hang on what's your cock sucking rating when you're not's what I was going to ask you.
I'm putting you on the hot seat, babe. Fucking hell, okay. Well, I mean, I'm going to say a seven and a six. Really? I thought it would have been more difference than that. Yeah, well, that's why I get to make up the numbers. Fair enough, fair enough. We were doing that for quite some time, which was absolutely lovely. I always, you know, and this is for my other people out there who are probably overthinkers and everything else and pleasure givers rather than seekers. I always do find it a little bit weird when all the attention's on me.
I have to really be present not to overthink when that's all happening because I do, you know, as a pleasure giver, I do often get a bit awkward when all of the attention was on me, you know, that time that I was kind of like the unicorn for that couple and having both their attentions on me, I'm always like, nah, you know, I kind of freak out a little bit. So I struggle with that. Do you struggle with that at all? Is that something that... No. No. The more the merrier. Come at me, bitches. Yeah.
So, look, for all of my other peeps out there, that is always something that I struggle with and I really have to remind myself to be present, think about things – not think about things as well and just kind of allow the other people in the room to want to give me pleasure. And I did. Yes. I came so hard. Yes, you did. Yes, you did. I did. Yeah. It was glorious. I think this is one of the few events where both the ladies got off. First. First. Yeah. I mean, I'm not hating on it. Not at all. I thought it was spectacular, but it was definitely a thing. Yeah. Yeah.
Now, though, after the foreplay has occurred. Foreplay. It is now time for fucking. It's definitely time for fucking, yes. I want you to take the lead on this section because of the fact that Mr. Dutchie, I would say, fucked me ten ways from Sunday. He did. He put in a fucking Olympic effort. Well, now we know why he's got such good abs. Yeah, right? Yes, he did. He put in an Olympic effort of fucking. Even after me whispering in his ear, I'd really like for you to come inside her, like with a condom on, of course. But, yeah, I would have thought that would have helped push him over the edge.
And that was pretty early on. I was being a bit of a fucking dodgy bastard, if I'm honest, now that I look back at it. Trying to stitch him up? No, not at all. It was just more that I know that you enjoy it when people come with you, which he ended up doing. It was just much further down the track. I didn't inspect the post-inspect the condom. I'm not looking around.
I'm not licking the tip to see whether it's – The number of positions that him and I went through six at least at least six yeah that's why i'm saying he felt i felt fucking like i was doing a poor job over the other side no i'm kidding i didn't feel like i was doing a bad job on the other side though i did come quite quickly did you yeah too quickly would you say i would never say too quickly because that would just be fucking mean stop giving me the fucking eyeballs well i mean that's mean I don't know. Did you? Yeah. Too quickly, would you say?
I would never say too quickly because that would just be fucking mean. Stop giving me the fucking eyeballs. Well, I mean, that's mean. Sometimes you come quickly. It's a thing, right? You can't always fucking hold off. Dude, calm down.
It wasn't like I was done in three fucking seconds, but after seeing the 45-minute performance on the other side of the fucking room, any standard that was quickly i was really um really excited it was like sexually excited so uh yeah i came relatively quickly yes yeah so but i do have some feedback for us oh yeah and i would like to know if the dutchies agree with this they're probably not going because they are lovely humans so they would never agree with this but two things i think we need to work on i'm gonna go first i need to start doing some kind of like yoga or stretching because your bitch is tight mrs dutchie flexible as fuck she's tall and lanky and i've seen you basically put her toes on the floor behind her head yeah well that's because she does fucking yoga every morning this is my point yeah well i mean you're supposed to be organizing classes and, you know, that's still not happened.
So fucking get on it. Your bitch needs to start stretching and doing yoga. Yeah, no shit. This is one of the prime things that goes wrong as people, you know, reach their 40s. And you need to start figuring out some different sexual positions and repertoire. Fucking hell. Oh, really? That's how this is going to work, huh? Oh, I'm too tired and you're just fucking useless. Hey, I'm throwing us both under the bus, babe. You're talking about flexibility. Half the fucking world can't touch their toes, but then you're going to throw out afterward that, you know, you can't fuck. I'm not saying that.
That's what you said. I'm not saying that you're just hanging back doing missionary only, but like – I did feel like I had only done missionary though when you guys fucking got involved. But look, now just to clarify here, this is all me that – like Mrs. Dutchie was glorious. I mean, again, you know, the fact that I came faster than I normally would is a solid indicator of how amazing she is in bed. So, well, not in bed, but in the boudoir. In the boudoir. Looking back and thinking about how things play out.
And this is the different dynamics that you have in different events, right, or different sexual events. Because there's been events, sexual events, I've been involved in where i was just fucking all night you know like and and just couldn't wouldn't didn't stop i know because i've had multiple men comment to me in previous play sessions about does daryl just fuck all night yeah but it's not always the case right because this was like i was i peaked a little early here which is a actually an indicator of a whole lot of fun as well.
You know, it was, it's lovely to, it's lovely to be with these guys. Yeah, I think I'm going to have to do better. I'm going to step it up. Okay. Yeah, next time I'm going to, I'm going to take my book with me on different positions. I'm just going to fucking lay it out. Write it on your palm. I'm going to put it up on a vision board. A fucking vision board. Walk in with a massive, like, what's those big sheets of butcher's paper? Just pin it to their wall. Just pin it to the wall. Nothing to see here, guys. Well, I won't pin it straight to their wall because the room's too lovely.
I'll use, you know, like 3M. So I was thinking something else. Okay, hear me out. We break in. Yeah. Right. We get some of that, like, glow-in-the-dark pen stuff that you can only see. Glow-in-the-black light. Do you really want to use a black light in a boudoir room? And then we draw on the wall, right? What are you doing?
I mean – And then later we just face him in the other direction and then we can look at the stick figures fucking over on the other wall as long as nobody washes the wall otherwise they'd just be smudged stick figures and we'll be fucking we'll be trying to fuck with with an arm up or something yeah yeah well it's probably better than what we're doing now well i don't know why i mean there were three people in the room who were really putting in and doing a fucking spectacular job just one person who wasn't okay i'm crushed i wasn't talking about you? I was talking about me. Fucking weirdo.
The one person who I'm crushed. I wasn't talking about you. I was talking about me. Oh. Fucking weirdo. The one person who... Less crushed. Yeah. Yeah, not crushed at all. Yeah, so I probably... I mean, again, swings and roundabouts, right? Let's swing and roundabouts. We'll see everything changes. Dynamics change. People's engagement brains change in the next one. But it was a whole lot of fucking fun.
It fucking fun something i'd happily repeat always like at least 10 times we finish up fucking a very important part that i always like to try and include in my story because i want to normalize this i go and do a pee because you know utis and all that good stuff yeah i'm a man so i can slam my dick in between a door and then it'll be good to go in about an hour i come back, I get the water, I get the wine, and because I'm a man, so I can slam my dick in between a door and then it'll be good to go in about an hour.
I come back, I get the water, I get the wine, and because I'm a fucking awesome wing person, sidekick like that, I get everybody else wine and we have a little wine break. Post-coitus wine break. Yeah. Mrs. Dutchie and myself and we all kind of get engaged and we give Mr. Dutchie a lot of attention, which was hilarious.
Lots of blowjobs jobs lots of hand jobs and it was hilarious because uh he was just enjoying himself and i think mr dutchy mrs dutchy kind of pulled the ripcord at the end she was like that's it you've had enough she's like i'm getting tired you've had enough yeah yeah he was uh what's his line i'm so fucking close it's right there and every time i get there it doesn't happen yeah it was uh it was pretty that was pretty funny at the end where she was like you know what you've had enough now and then and then we had a wine and a and a 1am snack break oh man yeah in their boudoir because they're we haven't covered the boudoir yet let's talk about the boudoir okay, I mean, the duchies are the primary here in terms of awesomeness and sexiness.
But I have to say the boudoirs, it's a second. It's sexier and more awesome than us. I'm not looking good in this whole fucking endeavor. No. Everyone's going to be like, why would we have sex with you guys? Yeah, well, no, I mean. Kate's not flexible. I know. She doesn't fucking put it in. Daryl comes in two seconds. Two seconds? I was just. Fucking hell. I was joking. Yeah, but this is not things to joke about. Thank you very much. Thank you two seconds. Two seconds? Fucking hell. I was joking. Yeah, but this is not things to joke about. All right.
Don't make me come over there and grab your back fat. Okay, don't fucking touch my back fat. It's not even funny. That's divorce material right now. They converted their half top section of their house into basically a sex room. They've got lights. Well, it's not supposed to be. It's a sex room exercise and, you know, sauna and stuff as well. It has a sauna. It has a bed in there. It has a couch in there. It's got its own little kitchen. We nearly killed Mrs. Dutchie while you were in the sauna as well. I forgot about that. Oh, because you fell between – No, no, she tried to stand up.
So there so there's two chairs that i mean that we uh you and i figured out merged together actually go together they merged together into one mega chair yeah mega chair also known as a bed from now on the mega chair the mega chair so the the mega chair unfortunately though has a center of gravity problem when you try to stand up with your hand on the back of the chair oh it falls yeah it falls over backwards so yeah mrs dutchy nearly plummeted to her doom through the chair onto the ground but thankfully the my bravery and courage was there to save the day so their boudoir they have it set up they've beautiful lighting, they've got a sauna in there, they've got a bathroom, a massive shower and they've got a kitchen which is where the wine and the snacks live out in their mini fridge.
So after you have sex, a very beautiful naked Mrs. Dutchie with her gorgeous ass gets up and starts creating a snack platter. I have to say she continually talks about how she's been working on her buns and it's a spectacular job. It is. Yeah. They're quite pronounced and very readily slappable I would say. Thank you.
talks about how she's been working on her buns and it's a spectacular job it is yeah they're uh quite pronounced and very readily slappable i would say spankable maybe that's a better word so we didn't talk about our previous play session with them i don't want to take too much time up on it but basically we had an amazing play session but we had a chat group a four-way chat that for a very long time was called two men and a tiny robot and after the play session i was doing one of my usual pee breaks and you and mr dutchy were playing with mrs dutchy and her favorite toy the i think it's a womanizer i feel like it's her only toy that she really enjoys she really likes it she really loves it yeah um they use it during uh they will use it during uh their own play as well like during sex and and i I mean, we've tried that with these toys, us, before.
And you always complained about how you couldn't keep it on your clit. Anyway, so this was one of the notable things from the first time is that, you know, I think in their play sessions, Mr. Dutchie drives it as well while he's fucking. And I'm like, oh, yeah, I'm not going to be able to do this. Fucking hell. I mean, I'm struggling to find – Patting your head and like circling. Well, no, I mean, there's a few things here. The first one is clitorisers are not always in the same spot. And you don't know her pussy that well.
Well, I'd happily spend a lot more time in, you know, mapping it out if that's okay with people. You know what I do love, though? I love that – I love when a woman takes control of her sexual pleasure and the fact that during that play session she felt comfortable enough and completely unashamed to bring out a sex toy and say, I want to get off now and you and Mr. Dutchie were playing with her and she was using the toy and got herself off. That's amazing. Don't you think that's amazing? Because sometimes people feel really funny about bringing sex toys into the lifestyle play.
And I think it's absolutely fantastic. I'm all for it. I'm here for it. I agree. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I mean, it was certainly a lot of fun to be involved in and also watch the outcome. Yeah. She has good orgasms. She has good orgasms. She does. Like very, like, you know, bouncy. Actually, it is similar to you in some ways because she's like has a very strong orgasm but then is like stop fuck off yeah get the fuck off me give me give me some time here let little miss recover yeah fair enough actually we don't know that we've not discussed with her if she has a name for her pussy as well.
Or if he has a name. That'd be interesting. I don't have a name. Do you have a name? No. No, I mean, ugh. So that's really the story of Mr. and Mrs. Dutch. He's absolutely fabulous people. Really enjoyed our play sessions with them. Looking forward to spending more time with them both in and out of the bedroom, for sure. I feel we should probably mention that they have given us permission to actually talk about them on the show. So just to let everybody know their fully consensual story. So can I just finish that up? Yeah. With a solid round of thank yous, high fives? Yeah, amazing.
Could we high five as well? No. No? That'd be weird? That's weird. Okay, let's not high five. Yeah. We'll do that, Mr. Dutchie, we'll do that the next time we're in a play session. Secretly high five. We posted up one of our coffee chats on Patreon a little while ago, and this is a response from NNE. And I asked them again if NNE, I said, can I please share your response? Because it's fucking hilarious.
So I'm going to give no context to what our coffee chat was that sparked this comment from enemy i'm just gonna read it speaking of underpants you know yeah speaking of underpants we had just finished up playing with a couple and we're all getting dressed when i noticed the other guy was intensely searching the room for something he soon i should go in a story voice here he soon explained i can't find my boxes so i joined in the search effort until a few seconds later it dawns on me in absolute horror that i actually hadn't come in with any underpants on i was now wearing his underpants the other guy had the exact same brand and the exact same size that i wear so i picked them up i put them on without a second's thought thankfully he was cool about the situation i was a bit freaked out about having just touched and put on some other guy's underpants but quickly how silly that was given we just had full swap with this other couple yeah i mean it's uh as long as he hadn't been in them all day of course because if he's been in them all day you just never know i love the fact that and in particular was you know joining in the search for the for the missing missing underpants whilst he's wearing them that's fucking brilliant yeah but how do you end that?
It's like, I'm looking, I'm looking. Oh, I think I found them. I think I found the underwear. I think I'm wearing them. And you should do that as you're looking directly in his eyes. Like just eyeball, just hold a gaze without blinking. I found your underwear. I'm wearing them. I'm wearing them. And I'm not going to stop wearing them.
I'm going to take them home them i'm gonna take them home i'm gonna take them home masturbate inside of them later i'm masturbating inside them right now while i'm looking in your eyes yeah under bed yeah that's not a surprise i'm sure there's been many a lady who's done the same thing as well bras perhaps i think lingerie is a bit different. I think that's harder to replicate. Yeah, I don't think everyone's always wearing lingerie when they're playing, though, Bo. You know, think about that.
Think about the surprise, you know, the surprise shagging that might happen if you've had a long-term single guy, as an example, who turns up. And you might not be in lingerie. You might just be in something else. I do feel like I need to wear lingerie the next time we play with the Dutchiesies because the last two times I've been in jumpsuits and have had nothing on underneath. Granted I'm nude, don't I? Also the last two times. She has looked amazing in lingerie. Has looked amazing in lingerie, yeah. Actually, yeah, come to think of it, your lingerie's standard as shit.
You better step it up. Hey, I was naked. Yeah, but you've got to step up the lingerie, babe. I got it. I got it. I'm sorry. I'm just, because you've been telling me I come in two seconds, I mean, it's time for you to step up your fucking lingerie. Speaking of Mr. and Mrs. Dutchie, we do have to give a shout out to Mr. and Mrs. Dutchie's friends, R and E. Hi. Hello. We have to give you guys a shout out because there's a funny story involving them listening to a podcast, the two of them meeting Mr. and Mrs.
Dutchie by happenstance at an event, mentioning the podcast and them kind of going, well, if you've heard the New Year's one, we're the people that left our suit at home, which is funny. a quick review we received thank you so much bris cm uh via apple podcasts uh from the uk they said thank you for much, BrizCM via Apple Podcasts from the UK. They said thank you for all your due five stars. If more people were as open about this as you guys are, there'd be less problems in the world. Thank you so much. Thank you guys for the review. That's a big call.
I'm pretty sure I make half of the problems in the world. Thank you so much for the review. We did have a shit can review about two or three nights ago that said my audio was shit. So if you're listening to this and you think we've done a good job, go and give us a positive review so we can push that shit can review further down. I don't think that – I think that's okay. The person who offered that review has done it on some of our first podcasts and, frankly, the audio was fucking terrible. But, yeah, they gave us two stars and they said that my audio was shit.
Yeah, well, I mean, it has been. And certainly for the first 10 to 15 episodes, your audio was disgusting. And then in Singapore when our microphones fucked out. Yeah. You know. Yeah, so do me a favour. If you are listening and you haven't yet, please go give us a review and push that one further down the page just because it makes me sad every time I see it.
I yeah i'm less sad you're less sad no i think that i think i think constructive reviews are always welcome well hopefully that person continues to listen and then realizes the audio and it does indeed get better and then they come back and revise their review that would be like maybe that awesome source yeah well i'm i mean look i'm more interested'm more interested in making sure that people are receiving some level of education rather than whether they're reviewing us. Because I don't think – I've listened to a lot of podcasts and just to throw this out there, never done a single review.
Sorry, everybody. I mean, everybody I've listened to. And I'm going to say I've got like 50 podcasts on my playlist. And in and out of the lifestyle. I've never reviewed anyone. I've bought some shit from some of them. Yeah, that's nice. Yeah, I've done that too. Never left a review, which is terrible. Hug a podcaster, leave them a review, give them a follow on social media or subscribe to their Patreon. Just, you know. So coming up next, we have the Swingers Health Volume 3, which is going to be all about herpes. Why are you showing two fingers when you're saying volume three?
I don't know why I did that. I was like, peace. Yeah, but that – It's all right. Here we go. Let me do it again. Swingers Health Volume 3. Yep. Which is a topic of herpes. That's with Courtney Bram. And then we're also going to be talking about our Spicy Island adventure. So that's what we've got coming up. But it's now 9 p.m. We have to be up at 5. I don't have to be up at 5. You're right. I can get you up at 4.30. I don't have to be up at all. You do, babe. No, I could sleep all day. You're going to get up? No. It just means I miss a flight.
I mean, I could stay here all day, do nothing, just fucking relax on the couch. Except I've got to work. It's going to be back with Daryaryl except for the fact that he does interrupt a lot. I do not. I interrupt a lot. I come in two seconds. Fucking hell. You're unimaginative with your positions. Yeah, I'm basically a dud. Oh, well, we hope that you enjoyed that story of a foursome, some yoni, some body confidence, some compliments, people coming, people using sex toys, a little bit of everything thrown in. Thanks for listening. Thank you. Have a lovely day. Go again. Have a lovely day.
That seems a bit inauthentic, really. Go again. Have a lovely day. You don't know whether you want to wish them to have a lovely day? I don't know. I just want them to have a lovely day. More aggressive. Evening. More aggressive. Have a lovely day. More aggressive. Have a lovely day. Oh, shit. Fuck. All right. We're going to go. Bye, guys.
