Expectations and Inter-Couple Anger – P23

Transcript

Speaker1: and this is d and this is swinging down under and we just took a second take because c was unhappy with her squeaky voice on the this is c so uh it's quite funny really she's still c she's running less of a squeaky voice and you're d i am that that concludes our podcast this evening thank you you very much. We'll crack on. So we will. So tonight we are talking about something that has been of recent interest to us, I suppose, and that is some jealousy. And expectations. Expectations is probably higher on the list than the jealousy of people in the lifestyle.
Speaker2: Yeah.
Speaker1: So we haven't actually done a podcast about our pop crawl yet, but it is coming. And tonight... C-U-M-M-I-N-G. I kind of wanted to talk about this. I'm going to bypass your little, you know, soiree into being funny. That was perverse, not funny. I figured you'd know me by... It was seven years, you'd know me better by now. I want to talk about something tonight, actually. Before we do the pub crawl cast, I want to talk about some events that kind of greyed the pub crawl for me, kind of blackened a little bit. Or greyed or blackened? Are we too blackened? I mean, are we at that level or are we at greyed? Luke, it was pretty bad. It was pretty bad. It made me feel not so great. There was some shit there i have to say yeah so i want to talk i want to talk about that and it's not just i guess the events of the the pub crawl and the situation and kind of following the pub crawl that made me want to do this podcast it's actually about expectations yeah so before we kick on into that i'm gonna say c is very good at organizing this sort of thing she's a great attention to detail oh my god i'm so getting late tonight oh my god yes so c is very good at uh at organizing this stuff she loves an event and she loves to organize an event and she is very good at it and uh typically has not a single complaint i mean we've had some pretty horrific parts to some of the things that you've organized look when we do our pub crawl no but when we do it well there's there's a few things that kind of went a little bit astray during the night a little awry yes absolutely there were some we'll call them interesting things that happened a little bit of mother nature pouring down on us yeah but you know look better somebody better mother nature spit in your eye than father nature because that just it takes a lot of blinking to get that out yeah what do they call that actually again the the shot into the eyes what's that oh the um uh tequila suicide no is that what you're talking about have you done a tequila suicide ever well i don't like to kill it no so for those of you who don't know tequila suicide is where you snort oh god no don't do that drink the tequila and then listeners we do not we actually know we do not comply with or or justify or condone or recommend what d is currently talking about definitely Definitely do not recommend. We didn't start the podcast with any sort of, you know, out for us legally. So please don't do that. And then recommend that we told you to do that. It really stings a lot. Just, you know, disclosure. There was no conversation about this. so moving on please so finally we we had a pub crawl recently in sydney and it was our second pub crawl and there was a little bit of a situation there where at the very last minute we had a request from a few couples to join now their plans had kind of fallen by the wayside because of because of some family let's say because of circumstances that could not have been prevented yeah and so there was a few couples that were you know left with their saturday night free and they'd also traveled as well though i think that's important if you had traveled yeah they traveled and there were some locals interstate and so we had received i guess a very late and i mean by late i mean a couple of hours beforehand request to join the pub crawl now i i go for weeks in advance planning this and obviously i'm talking to venues i'm confirming numbers months months i'm confirming confirming numbers i'm talking to people about the expectations of the pub crawl i'm also at this point seeking out and making sure that there's really no freak type people coming along you know i'm making sure and i'm verifying that they are couples couples for sure couples one thing also making sure that they fit the demographic of that particular pub crawl and we've yeah i mean we're not always about the same type of people at a pub crawl or at no because we we quite often swing between our well we swing between our wants and our interests quite quite rapidly i would say i mean you know if you go back kind of a year ago when we first joined the lifestyle i was i was pretty cut and dry with you know i'm i'm 30 you wanted somebody you're 40 25 and and so i really don't want to go older and i can honestly say that most of the people that we've actually slept with have been what i would say broken my barrier yeah totally so that just kind of went out the window but yeah you certainly i mean whenever you host an event you want the people to feel comfortable feel comfortable and a group of people who can all associate with each other and not have somebody ending up sitting in the corner for the night feeling like they're too young too old too different too different whatever that difference might be right so it is an important consideration because uh you know frankly we we're not ageist racist uh timest whatever it might be we just want people to have fun yeah yeah and so i want to i want to set that expectation that you know there is kind of there isn't an age limit mainly because of the fact that if we have people who are 25 and then we have people who are 65 there's going to be kind of a difference of of opinion difference of wants likes and interest in the lifestyle and you know we don't want either of those parties feeling like they are left out or that they're kind of not fitting kind of the group fun and so that's I guess one of the things but the thing that really kind of showed some some bad or some negativity in our event arrangement was actually what happened when we had this last minute request yeah absolutely i mean you'd finalize the numbers finalize the people finalize the venues um probably i'm gonna say well certainly a week in advance you double check the venues always i always do it i always do it two weeks still didn't work though no it didn't but i always do it two weeks minimum and then i say to everyone. No, it didn't. But I always do it two weeks minimum. And then I say to everyone, again, check your reservations. Because also, I mean, life happens. You mean RSVP? Yeah. Double check the RSVP. Yeah, life happens, okay? Yeah, it does. I mean, swinging life is secondary to family, children, work, whatever. Babysitters. Babysitters, right? Babysitters. And so I always request that people, you know, just triple check that RSVP. But I really don't tend to accept very last-minute requests from people we don't know. Because I haven't vetted them. I don't know. Typically in the last week you don't. Yeah. Because you've already nailed down the numbers for the locations. Gift bags. I mean, we do the gift bags. So we've got the numbers for that but for people who who live out of australia we we don't have the population to justify you know a 300 plus event 300 couples or 200 or 100 even typically we see 20 to 30 maybe 20 couples which would be 40 people yeah yeah i mean we've the best we've seen at our events is uh 30 couples which is 60 of people which is a lot of people really is a lot of people and that's actually this event because we took over the entire bar at a particular location but again not the this is not the podcast for it but um you know we don't see the huge numbers that that typically other people see in other countries so with that in mind we have to be somewhat particular about people who come along but it is also about people who would find each other interesting and have you know good conversation easygoing kind of similar demographic right so i guess what happened during this pub crawl was that we had a very last minute and late request now the late request came because of a situation that was unavoidable and it left two couples without a party one of the couples we had actually been talking to previously on twitter and on kick so we kind of they were a known entity to us absolutely you know i knew who they were we had conversations with both parties male and female and they seem fun and they seem likeable and they seem they seem like they could get along with people yeah i mean they didn't seem like they would kind of be a bit weird or sitting in the corner not knowing what to do but yeah but also this was also their first kind of soiree into proper swingendom it actually was, but you wouldn't know that. No, I would not know that because we follow them on Twitter. Yeah. And I would have figured that they'd been in this sort of thing for a while. No, very, very new. Really? Very new. Wow. But the thing about it is, is that you have people who are easygoing and can meet people and kind of mesh well and just kind of get in there and have some fun. And they feel easy with that and then you've got people that can't do that. Yeah, so we ended up with a scenario where one couple invited another. It's the best way to say it. And unfortunately- Very last minute, four hours. Very last minute. And when we asked for, look, we didn't know the second couple. We knew the first, didn't know the asked them for some images we asked them for some verification of them a bit of rundown and phone numbers really well just kind of phone numbers but we were looking for some red hot pie information so we could actually do some vetting we ended up with photos only of the female no not even that no correct me but i thought it was just a female no actually nothing so we what happened was it got to the no it got to the point where we just said it's too late we know you you're a known entity and you know we know the yeah we know one couple yep but couple two who's been invited by couple one we don't know you haven't spoken to you haven't even had a look at you don't know what you look like yep so really you could be you could be a single man or whatever i've got an axe well i've got a hatchet i've got a hatchet that's because we live in city city i don't think you can have an axe i could be a hatchet i could be a hatchet murderer and so what happened was the we gave the option for the first couple we said absolutely you're welcome to come we don't want to exclude you we know who you are but the second couple we really we haven't caught up with you we don't know who you are we haven't spoken to you on kick or red hot pie or had a conversation with you on the phone so it's four hours before the pub crawl we're going to have to kind of say no say no no it's just an outright no it is no thank you for wanting to come but we can't do it because we don't know you because and I don't want to risk the other people that are at the party at this point. Yeah, absolutely. And that was kind of the, I guess, the springboard of the... The beginning of the nastiosity. Yeah. That's right. I said nastiosity. So we had the pub crawl, which we'll talk about later. Fun time, and it wasn't until the next day. Fucking awesome time. The next day, the evidence and the, I guess, problems... The angriness....began to kind of rear their ugly head. Yeah, I mean, we were really surprised by this. We were. We were. And after, look... Because you were hungover as well. I was, yeah, a little bit hungover. I actually don't. I'm one of the lucky few on the planet who does not get hangovers without an exceptional amount of money being spent. I feel like there's been three in seven years. Yeah. Or, well, one of those actually didn't cost a lot of money, but it was in Thailand, and it was two buckets of local made scum. If anyone's ever had that, just avoid. Oh, good Lord. Stay away from that uh i couldn't breathe for days so what happened was the obviously the second couple that we suggested maybe couldn't come felt a little bit suggested we told them they couldn't come well they felt like they'd been ditched by couple one yes and unfortunately that then the anger of that and the rejection of that flowed over to us. Well, it wasn't just couple one because it was couple one and couple zero because couple zero couldn't make it up to Sydney because of some other things that were going on. And couple one then said, well, the party's kind of not really there without couple zero. So we're now going to tell couple three that we're going to a pub crawl because we know cnd pre from previous conversations but you can't come because you don't yeah so they didn't go down terribly well but i'm well not unfortunately but like everyone they get their chance to have their own conversation with the Twitter slash blogger slash Facebook universe everyone they get their chance to have their own conversation with the twitter slash blogger slash facebook universe and this is where it becomes a little bit upsetting wasn't great yeah they had taken it very personally absolutely to the point where they had actually called me um i believe racist and sizist suggesting that they couldn't come because of their race and their body shape. So, just a heads up here, we didn't actually even know that they weren't of any particular race. Or any particular size. Or any particular size. So, we didn't have a chance to, even if we wanted to, we didn't have a chance to formulate that.
Speaker2: No.
Speaker1: Which we wouldn't because, frankly, we've played with multiple sizes. Yeah. Smaller than us, larger than us, different races. Actually, in fact, I would actually like to say. Actually, even multiple play types. People who are really into kink. Soft BDSM. Hardcore BDSdsm flogging to the point where i feel uncomfortable yeah or just you know just kind of touching same-sex room whatever the case may be throwing it out there to the atoms with that one no with the uh uncomfortable floggings wasn't really that uncomfortable i actually liked it i did quite enjoy it just being the whipping from the side that occasionally yeah that hurt actually i had some bruises from that occasionally put a bit of a bruise on mr adam's butt and mine yeah i did that as well that was you with the little hard like i had a crop yeah you had a crop i did so i mean the really upsetting thing about this was the fact that they had assumed that these were the reasons i couldn't come and i guess that's why the title of this is about expectations and jealousy within the lifestyle probably more expectations i don't know there's so much in the way of jealousy it's just more that the expectation that because you're doing something for the lifestyle that everyone's invited. Now, frankly, would you want somebody under the age of 20 coming to our events? No, I don't because I would feel like they're maybe not ready. They're not going to introduce themselves well to other people. I mean, you're 40, there's 45-year-olds there. I mean, you kind of it's a different kind of wanton lifestyle experience totally are you calling me old right to my face no because you're sitting behind a microphone she's calling me old right to my not at all so uh yeah so you know there's you have to set a boundary and it's not because you care, right? I mean, we've hung out with 20-year-old people in the lifestyle. We've hung out with 60-year-old people in the lifestyle. Some really ripped 60-year-olds actually. Fuck yeah. I mean, there are dudes in the lifestyle. How do you actually do that?
Speaker2: It's not fair. I know, right?
Speaker1: There's 60-year-old dudes in the lifestyle.
Speaker2: And women. Wow.
Speaker1: The last time at that party we went to and she just had washboard abs and beautiful hair. And I was just like, you are amazing and kind of intimidated right now. Stop that. Intimidated, but also I'd like to have sex with you, please. You know, it's a little bit of that. So this is why the expectations. I mean, who are you to expect that it is okay to have that predetermined, I must be able to come to this party and or have sex with that person? Especially, well, it's not that they really wanted to have sex with us. They just wanted to be involved in the party, right? But it's the expectation of the fact that every party fits every person in every country. It can't. Because you have to tailor it to the people who it is going to who it's being tailored for because if you opened it up to like 20 year olds to 80 year olds shit i mean let's go to people are going to be yes i'm saying like people are going to be having very different expectations you can even go below the legal boundary in australia let's open it up to 12 year olds is that appropriate no not at all it's not appropriate for anyone to to think that that's okay it's also not appropriate given the the boundary of the age group that we're going to be looking we're going to be talking about 90 year olds coming along right and it's not strictly because of the age but it's because we're looking for the people who we feel most comfortable with but also that the crowd would feel most comfortable with yeah and let's be honest we probably bias that somewhat to the people we would feel most comfortable with in terms of age because we don't organize events to hang out with people we don't want to have sex with. We organize events to hang out with people who we enjoy, we think have interesting lives, interesting conversations, something to add to our life because we are sociosexuals. We love to hear about what you've got to offer. And in fact, we had a couple come along to the pub crawl who they were both very artistic. She did theatre and quite frankly, that was awesome she was hot yeah she was hot as well but it's not even that i mean although he suffered from beademic he did suffer from beademic but the fact that they were kind of like interesting was the thing that kind of got us excited absolutely but i guess so getting back to the nastiness so there was was a few podcasts, sorry, blog posts, I should say. Yeah, not podcasts. And some Twitter casting over kind of like 24 hours, which suggested that we were quite racist. And the thing that really upset me by that is the fact that our playmates are actually all from other countries. Not from here. But Australia. Yeah. And additionally range in size shape you know like actually our very age our very very first our very first couple was i mean there was a there was an interesting dichotomy between those and our very last couple there was an interesting dichotomy between those as well we're not that that type of people because, frankly, hey, I've got to say, I love my parents to death, but they grew up in a very secluded area where racism was embraced, and that's not something that I'm into. I really don't care, as long as I find you sexy, intellectually and physically. And let me say intellectually is the number one physically is number two because people can be extraordinarily intelligent extraordinarily well versed in uh the world and i find that much more interesting than just a rippling six-pack absolutely well four is a four- pack on a girl i don't i don't know but that's but that's why you you kind of get these um you know pokes and messages on social media yeah and you kind of go well you know that's great you've got a six-pack but what else are you bringing to the table and that's exactly the intellectual stimulation this is actually you're absolutely on the money we've had multiple couples and i mean multiple couples who are rippling six-packs oh they're gorgeous absolutely gorgeous and you start chatting with them whether it be on on red hot pie or on kick and you realize actually there's nothing to substantiate for us the rippling six-pack for For us. some people like that it's fine i mean but everybody is should be and should be allowed to be very different open to their own well interest okay so this actually is a good point again going back to this expectation so it's a really funny thing because they're one of the comments was that this was a free event which yes we do put it on for free we isn't that an interesting we obviously spent a fair bit of money kind of securing the locations buying the gift packs all the rest of it and so there was let me just let me just stop for a second i'm going to stop c here becausees um gift bags for everyone who attends and they include things like condoms lube vibrators um masks you know there's a whole lot of things that that she she organizes for people who come along who um and additionally games you know we you organize a really cool game where uh the boys don't give the game away i've got to it's such a great game okay okay i'll give it a go on the i'll give it away on the pub crawl cast but um spectacular games that really get people involved in in what they're doing at the event and you know we organize that ahead of schedule or should i say sorry c organizes that ahead of schedule and because of that we only have the number of gift bags that are associated with the number of guests we have coming because it's not very usual that you get more than you're expecting normally less normally less yeah actually because of rain because of rain babysitters sickness whatever somebody shot my dog you know or not to shot sorry injured my dog maybe somebody put a bindi in my dog's foot and by bindi i don't mean bindi erwin because that probably would be okay for the dog i mean a thorn sorry i'm converting that has gone left field um so the thing for me i think there is the expectation that everyone should be allowed to come so i had a message that said you're hosting a free event so who are you to make recommendations on who should come and i'm hosting the event again it just kind of felt like well again we're hosting this event for people we we enjoy the the community of the lifestyle that's probably one of the biggest things for us actually is making friends making a community within the lifestyle and that's what these are for it's actually not for us that is why we actually podcast is to give – try and give back because we – and you've heard me say this before. We were looking for our Yoda couple. We never really found one because we – But now. But now it's – Now we've got Yoda couples coming out of the wazoo. Couples. I mean, it's a Yoda fest. Yeah. We've got people lightsabering all over the place. Little Yodas doing backflips and frontflips. It just got weird, actually. Actually, that's why I cut myself off. So, I mean, look, to kind of roll this up, the big thing for me was the fact that it felt weird that there's this expectation that you should be entitled as a swinger to have sex with whoever you want, even if they're not interested. To come along, to come along. But just in general, I mean, people have this kind of... Entitlement. You go to a party, and sometimes people have entitlement that you're at a party, you're a swinger, and therefore you just have sex with everyone. And can I say, for everybody out there... And that's misconception. It's the biggest misconception of lifestyle. I agree. And everyone on the planet we we all know swingers unite there are no bowls with keys in them no there's not on anywhere anywhere on the you have to find the other person intellectually and physically stimulating find the people interesting before you will actually have sex with them yeah and look there's people who don't have that. There are people who are happy to have sex with somebody they bumped into.
Speaker2: Fine.
Speaker1: Good for them.
Speaker2: Good for you.
Speaker1: But for us. I would like to watch it on video. I mean, just saying, but also great for you.
Speaker2: Video?
Speaker1: Well, you know.
Speaker2: Be there.
Speaker1: Sort of watch from the side. High definition. You're the weird chick masturbating in the corner, aren't you?
Speaker2: Totally. Yeah.
Speaker1: That's okay, because that doesn't mean I'm the weird dude masturbating in the corner but by by association you are no i'm not yes you are i'm in the other room no the fans voted we don't have really fans but the one person that listens they voted so what we what we really want to do from this is i mean we really step back we step back from the comments i want to empower people you may have been pushed back from my comments no my see unfortunately with our attention to detail starts to pick up on this and starts to reverb it and then starts to think i second guess maybe i shouldn't kind of have an age limit yeah but um i i understand that we put the these things in place for a reason you know and it is because we want the people who come along to have fun to have fun that's it but i would like to say whatever your race whatever your body shape and also whatever your age sexual orientation if you have and you exert confidence you are fucking sexy exude confidence exude confidence you are sexy that is the bottom line here and that's kind of the the thing that i want to get across here it's the fact that you you can be any body shape any race and be confident and sexy yes absolutely i mean uh i'm certainly not the top of the tally when it comes to looking good but i actually i think i do all right you make up for an intelligence oh really oh thank you wow and just pizzazz pizzazz is that because i wear sprinkles and i can fart um conf? Probably because if your underpants are multicolored, but, you know. I can fart confetti, though. You actually can't. That's a lie. I'm like a unicorn. That's a lie. Everyone just listening to this. Farting confetti right now. No. I mean, the thing is, rejection happens. It does. We get rejected often. Often. I mean, mean you do i feel like we're actually kind of a pair so my rejection is your rejection we get we are rejected but you don't you don't i mean that's just that couple's preference or that that person's preference so you shouldn't dwell on that i mean that they deserve to have their preference they do they do absolutely anyone deserves to have their preference so yeah look i'm not sure we need to go into this much deeper we've sort of stated the fact that there's some expectation but the expectation is that you actually be a nice person and you understand the fact that if you throw your hat into the ring two hours before an event there may not be a space for the rest of your body and we have no other expectations other than just be kind of cool actually just be kind to each other yeah so um look the universe has thrown some good feelings our way and some bad feelings and unfortunately in this particular instance that these were bad feelings so uh it's kind of upsetting for me to watch see have we invest so much time into this and see some thank thankless effort where people make her feel bad well i shouldn't say make her feel bad she feels bad because of some of the things that people say that's you know how how this lifestyle works sometimes well i guess we'll close out there yeah i think we probably should because I've run out of things to spiel about. So thank you very much for listening. I mean, it's a little bit of an interesting subject. And we will come back to the pub crawl very shortly because it was a spectacular night. So the people who didn't manage to attend. You are missing out. I want to say suck it. Thanks very much, guys. This is is d this is swinging down under bye