EP98 – Sydney Swingers Club

Transcript

Hello and welcome. This is Daryl and Kate and we are here talking about our night at our secret spot. Yes. But there's a little bit of a secret to our secret spot. What's the secret? Well, you know. No, I don't know. It's the second our secret spot. Oh, okay. It's our secret spot, Mark 2. Mark 2, 2.0. Yep, our secret spot, Annandale, just opened up not too long ago, and we were lucky enough to actually be in Australia at the time when it was having its grand opening. Bullshit, we went to Australia for it. Well, we were going there, but then you also had some work to do.

I was going there for work. And then you came along so that we could go. Right. So, yes, we are going to be talking about our visit to our secret spot, Annandale. Mark 2. Mark 2, the grand opening of the second location in Sydney, Australia. We're going to drop the 2.0 from here on. We are going to do that. And we're sitting on our rug on the floor with a dog overlooking us because we are, I think, a mere five or something hours away from leaving for the airport. On a jet plane. We need to, yeah, sing it. No, because I don't know if I'll be back again. No.

But we need to go unpack and we need to do everything else. But we wanted to get a podcast recorded because we're going to be away for a few weeks and we thought what better topic to talk about than our visit to the club that kind of, I'm going to say, started it all for us. It did. Well, sorry, revived it all because the start was not that club and, you know, the start didn't go well. So, I mean, let's reflect on that for a second.

For those listeners out there who may not have been listening to Swinging Down Under since episode one and, look, we really wouldn't hold that shit against you because the audio quality back then was pretty dismal. In fact, our secret spot gave us our first-year-old microphones. That's what I was going to say. Because our microphones were that shit. And he said, I'm sick of listening to how terrible you are. We didn't have microphones back then. I remember, babe. I was the one who hot-wired them. You jerry-rigged some sort of thing on the Bose headsets. Beep, blop, blop. Yeah.

I mean, I used the four years of my degree to come up with something that didn't work properly. Good job. Yeah. Isn't that how most people use those degrees? Money well spent. So to kind of roll it. back, we first started out in a lifestyle in Sydney, Australia, and we started looking at different things we can do, ways we can explore sexuality, and we found a club in Sydney, and we went to that club, and we were really disappointed for a few reasons. The club itself, the patrons that were there, the fact that we really, I guess, one of us, I broke a rule, just a few different things.

There was only one rule. Yeah. And you decimated said rule. Yeah. Not broke. That's a big step. Yeah. And I mean, like the mold on the wall and the smelly carpets and everything else that went along with visiting there. So it was a bit of a shock to us to go to that particular club. And this is why so many people when you meet... This is not OSS. No, this is not OSS. Yeah. You meet so many people in the lifestyle and we've met couples at parties where, you know, one of the people have said, hey, this is our last attempt at being in the lifestyle.

And this is why sometimes it's pretty important to, when you take those first few steps, that you're doing it in a... an environment and with a tribe that is similar to you. Because I think that if you do it and you're unhappy about it or you go to somewhere that doesn't really represent you, it's easy to be turned off and you really don't know what else is out there. And luckily for us, although the first visit to that club was not great. Terrifying. It did then lead us down the path to researching a little bit more and finding our secret spot. And by we, you meant me.

So that's where our story begins. That is where our story begins. We ended up at our secret spot where... This time around, Kate didn't break any rules, which was a pretty good start. But that was probably because we learnt from the first club not to really have any rules and just have some boundaries that we would discuss when needed to be discussed at the time. So it was a lot of fun anyway. So we spent an awful lot of time there. In fact, now TL and Baby Doll, we would consider them some of our closest friends who are the owners of said club.

So, yeah, that's how regularly we frequented the club. It got to the point where they knew us. But we haven't been there, I want to say a year as a couple. Yeah, more than a year. More than a year as a couple. And we couldn't miss the grand opening of their 2.0. Yeah. And we didn't. No. So they opened up a secondary club in Sydney that is twice the size of the original club. Now, the location is in a place called Annandale, which is actually quite close to the city. I did calculate that it cost us $15 in a taxi from the CBD in our hotel. hotel where we're staying to get there.

And because we left at three in the morning when we came back, it was, I think, a $19 taxi fare. So realistically, really close to the city, quite easy to get to if you are coming and visiting the city, either from another location in Australia or from internationally, you can get there from your hotel. So you don't need to go to the one in Darlinghurst, which is the original. You can. Still there. Still humping along. Still great. But if you want to also check out the new location, it's super quick. and cheap in a cab ride. Yeah. So what were your initial thoughts, Darrell?

So initial thoughts, you mean after we got into the club or before we got in? Oh, pick an option, either one. I think it was definitely a busy night for the guys. Yeah. Because there was, there certainly was a lineup of people to get into the club, which I found actually a little awkward, only because I felt like I was standing on the street. But that was... That's because you were standing on the street. Yeah, but that wasn't for a long, yeah, I know, but that wasn't for a long period of time.

So, and I'll, I'll allow some, some, uh, I'll make some allowance here because I, after getting into the club, we realized that it was a busy night. Yeah. Grand opening was super busy for them, but you are right. There was probably 30 or 40 of us kind of standing on the street waiting for that initial sign in process. And I think they made some adjustments to the guys on the door, the guys who are managing the door as well to make sure that everybody got in as quickly as possible. And this is what I will say about Jess.

So Jess, uh, one of the owners is fantastic that when she realized that what was going on that there were people waiting you know they've got a really great entrance now where you can sign in and behind the entrance a big curtain before you go into the main club and so when Jess realized that there were so many people out there you know she came out straight away opened the doors to the club made sure everybody was in that entrance ready to sign in and you know kind of away from standing on the street or away from you know traffic or prying eyes and those sorts of things so you know you really got to hand it to the fact that on the spot you know these guys they're there they can make the decision and execute that decision really quickly and that's something that I think gets lost on a lot of club owners or a lot of event managers.

I think it comes down to the fact that even though these guys are involved in the scene as well, there has to be some differentiation between when you're running an event or running a location versus when you're there to enjoy yourself. When you're running an event, you have to be aware constantly of the fact that the event is under your management and it's your job to keep it smoothly. And I think these guys do that pretty well.

They'll step away from the hostess and host roles to get into, let's get this shit organized and get things managed so that we can get on with keeping people happy and keeping things moving. So that is a big difference, I think, that we've found along the way around people who are doing this to get laid or people who are doing this as part of a business. Part of a business is a very different scenario and And it means that you have to be running a business, not just there for the party. Yep. Yep. Which is very, very different.

And I think a lot of people forget that and don't see that that's the case. Yep. I agree with that. I think also that a lot of people tend to fall into either event ownership, club ownership, hosting groups at resorts and vacations or running a travel agency. I think historically, a lot of lifestyle people have just fallen into that as a way to perhaps add some extra revenue and as as a result of that, maybe they're not so business minded. It's generally a way to pay for people's own holidays. Yeah, right. That's what it comes down to.

And I think so sometimes a little bit of that class and kind of professionalism has been lost, whereas the way that Jess and Lawrence are running their club I think is fantastic. It's A plus. I mean, they're doing the mingle events for newbies, just coming along to a bar. They're really kind of stepping outside of traditional brick-and-mortar club ownership and thinking a little bit about the community as well. So the upside to that is, I suppose, that downstairs Now, as you walk in, you know, you get to a velvet robe. That's what I like.

A big velvet curtain that stops you from seeing or getting into the next area, which is quite cool. I like that because it's sensual, right? You walk into that front area, they've got a coat rack, they've got a beautiful check-in desk now. And keeping in mind, too, a lot of the decorating has been done by Jess and Lawrence. And so you can see. Not a lot at all has. Yeah, you can see their personality coming through in the club, but I think you can also see that level of. The velvet robe. really went with Lawrence's velvet jacket. I sure did.

But yeah, I like the little entrance where you're checking. Red velvet jacket. I'm going to give it a bit of a call out there because it's red and velvety and looks really nice. There you go. Yeah. That's all I'm saying. I did like that check-in area though. I think it's a nice lead into the club. I like the fact that it doesn't feel too clinical. You know, it feels quite warm. It feels quite sensual. They haven't forgotten about it and it's just an empty concrete space, you know, It is classy, and I really enjoyed that.

And the check-in process is actually, once you get in there, pretty quick. Yeah, absolutely. And then after that, you roll through the curtain, and again, they've got a fantastic bar set up in the club. But the difference, I guess, for any of our listeners that may not be from Australia is actually how the bar operates in Australia. Do you want to kind of give everybody an understanding of that? Yeah, look, in Australia, it's not allowed that you can sell alcohol at a... event like this, so at a swingers event.

And to my understanding, and I'm sure Lawrence will give me a kick in the ass if I get it wrong, but to my understanding, it's about the responsible service of alcohol and making sure that you don't put people in potentially compromising positions whilst they're drinking and potentially in a sexual act. So that's really what it's built around. And with that in mind, and also liquor licensing in Australia, if you forget about that fact, It's ludicrously expensive. It is expensive, yeah. So, you know, with those two things in mind, certainly it's just not the done thing.

So typically at clubs in Australia, you take your own, you bring your own, and then you get a number added to it, and that number becomes what you drink from for the night. Right, and the number is also associated with your locker number as well. So you have a bracelet on with a key on it and a number, and that number, say, like 49, is your bottle of alcohol and your locker number. Actually, they're really good.

thing about that locker number it's one of the things we liked about OSS first time around as well is that it's actually a hairband like and remember because you've actually used the hairband because you know in the middle of a blowjob yeah it's like a plastic plastic uh anyway yeah yeah like a silicon silicon hairbandy thing whatever it is curly band I don't know how to explain it curly band that's it yep let's call it curly band curly cord hairband okay that one so yeah you're keying your numbers on that so but the thing the thing that I tell you I like about that bar besides the fact that They've got obviously bartenders behind there.

You give them your bottle, they set it up. But the bar looks like a really sexy bar and it has a mirror behind it, which has a glass. Are we going to hear sexy and sensual the whole way through this? It has a shelf in there and that's where your alcohol goes. So the reason I'm telling you that is because, again, you've got the reflecting of the space, you've got the alcohol in there. It just looks like a tasteful bar. It does look like a tasteful bar. Yeah. The best descriptor I came up with, because we had some friends ask us about this as well from Australia and That couldn't go along.

And they plan to go in the future but haven't gotten yet. They asked us what it's like and I said the best descriptor is that if you took away the play level, which is upstairs, the whole play level, you would say the bottom area is quite a good underground bar. That's what it looks like. That's what it feels like. And if you could buy alcohol rather than bringing your own, that's exactly what it would be. Okay, moving on past the bar area, you've got a couple of nice leather Chesterfield couches, really big.

couches and then after that a pool table and the dance floor and then a couple of other chairs and a space for your drinks and things like that and then a dancing area with a pole and a DJ booth and stuff like that. So downstairs is completely set up to be an area where you can make connections. Would you, fair to say? Yeah, absolutely. It's a really nicely laid out pub but pub's not a very good descriptor. Pub's not a great descriptor. No. Again, underground bar is the best thing that I can come up with because there's no windows in it because it's in a longer building.

The windows are all at the front and at the rear. So either side though, because it's touching other buildings, there's no windows. So that's what it feels like. It just feels like an underground bar. Yeah. Yeah. And then a few characters. Like a classy underground bar. And then they have some areas where you can pop your drinks and stuff. And the reason I'm mentioning that is because similar to our secret spot original, they have restricted access to drinks being able to go upstairs.

But in this particular case, what they're doing now is that all glassware is downstairs and then you can take plastic upstairs. So right at the bottom of the stairwell, there's an area where you can exchange your drink to go from your glass that's been downstairs into a plastic cup for upstairs. So I thought that was quite genius. I mean, aside from the fact that they're creating double the amount of washing up for themselves. Yeah, I mean, once we kind of get to play mode, I'm not sure that I'm interested in taking stuff with me anyway.

We personally don't, but I do know that a number of people like to take up A beverage. Maybe water. Yeah. Maybe about the only thing that I'd need. Otherwise, we could recycle. You could just sop it off my forehead and then like... That's gross. Yeah, it is very gross. That's so disgusting. Yes, it's horrible. Thank you for that. Let's not do that. Thanks for that visual. Yep. Something, especially with my forehead, my forehead goes from my front to my back, basically. So, I think the general environment downstairs is a great location to meet people.

I really like the fact that they've put all that together. But let's talk about the upstairs. So, you go upstairs and that's the... Play area. Yeah. First thing, as you walk in upstairs, it's just one story up a staircase. You get to a locker area. Yeah. So that's where you can put all your, if you want to dress down, that's as far as you're allowed to go without dressing down, basically. Yep. So you have your locker area there, which is a nice spot for it because it used to be in a place that was, if you go to the OSS 1.0, the location was quite a way away from the play areas. to get changed.

So, you know, for those people who are maybe feeling a little bit less confident in themselves, they can get changed up in the area where there's play. I see what you're saying. So previously the change rooms was downstairs in the old location and now it is upstairs where play would expect to be happening. Okay. So you don't have to walk from the downstairs. Yeah, you don't have to walk from one location to the other. You don't have to walk past the bar because you have to walk past the bar. Unless you go in the group room.

Unless you go in the group room, but yeah, you have to walk past the bar. So there's some advantages. I think distinct advantages to having it upstairs. Yeah, okay. And then what about the, so you're at the locker area and you've got one of two choices. You can either hang a left or hang a right. Yeah. Tell us about hanging a left. So there's four rooms or there's rooms and I forget how many to be precise.

There's maybe four or five rooms that each have a bed in them and they're all closable so you can actually close the door as well which is quite cool if you wish to just play separately or even just play yourselves separate from everyone else. So you can wander on in those doors and it's about all I remember. Okay, you've forgotten a small section before you get to those small rooms. Oh, sorry, yeah, there's the voyeur area. Yeah, I did forget about that.

So they've done a tiny little, not a tiny little room, they've done a little room there where there's a swing inside of the room and it is a two-way. One-way. Oh, sorry, one-way glass mirror thing, right? One-way mirror. So, yeah, I don't know what you call it, one-way mirrors. Yeah, you don't need to call it a glassy mirror or anything. It's one of my glass mirror. So if you're on the inside of that, playing in the swing, you get to see the reflection of yourself.

But if you want to have a look at people, what they're doing when they're playing in there, you can just stand outside and it doesn't feel then awkward. You know, as a voyeur room, sometimes, depending on if the people are true exhibitionists or if they're, you know, dabbling in it, sometimes, you know, seeing people look at you can be quite awkward. But also, I think having the mirror in there and not really being too sure if people are watching you, kind of a turn on. You don't know.

There could be 50 people standing there watching you fuck or there could be no one but you don't know because you're in there right yeah absolutely it is kind of interesting I didn't even know I'm surprised that you can buy that sort of mirror I didn't even know that it was a I mean I knew it was a thing but I just didn't know that it was something that you could be buying off the shelf so that's kind of cool I actually don't know where they got that from and then behind that before you go into the petite rooms as well there's another little chase couch kind of almost like it looks almost like a liberator yeah it does couch and so you know you can play on there or sit on there and you know dabble in that as well.

So a few little spots there. And then on the other side in the bigger area, again, you know, it's been done very tastefully. They've got some beds there which are four-pillar poster beds. You know, they've got some drape happening as well. Some really lovely mirrors on the wall, a few of the nice mirrors on the wall with, you know, tiny little kind of like poof things, little chair things underneath it. So it's done, I think, really tastefully and it just looks fantastic. I can see that it would be a nice, like, space to play in.

You know, they've got a couple of solo beds and then a big area where it's like a kind of like an orgy room similar to what they have in their other club. Yeah. Like a group play area. But what's the thing you love the most about that room? Okay, here's the thing. Here's the thing that I actually said to Jess was ingenious. The coat hanger hooks on the wall. In the playroom, they have coat hanger hook things on the wall. Mind blown, babe. Fucking mind blown. All right, you can hang your towel on there, you can hang your laundry on there. I mean... So many uses for these hooks. It's amazing.

And it's just such a... Hang your wife on there. Hang your wife on there. It's such a small thing, right? These hooks are near the bed and on the walls. It just makes so much sense, you guys. Like, I've left so much laundry in clubs before. If I was going to take off things, I could hang it on the hook. You know, you can hang your towel there, your robe, whatever you're walking around in. It just makes so much sense. But it's something that I've never seen before. And I just thought, that is amazing. It's the little things. It is the little fucking things. I'm telling you what. So...

I just think it's great. I think I may have told them that I think about four or five times, which is probably getting a little bit much. It did get a little weird for everyone. Yeah. Like, hey, we've opened an entire second club and two levels and we've got multiple staff and, you know, we've decorated the whole place, but you like the hooks. Thanks, Kate. Cheers. That's the venue. That's the venue, basically. That's the venue, basically, yeah. So the next question is, you know, what happened in the venue? Did we have any fun? Certainly we had some good drinks. We had a lot of a lot of chats.

We did quite a bit of catching up. We met some lovely, just a quick shout out to a couple we met there who recognized our voices and came over and said hello, which was lovely. Yeah, that was nice. Thanks, guys. Yeah, shout out to you guys. But we didn't play on the night. We didn't play on the night, no. So the club itself was packed. It was so nice to see so many people coming out and supporting our secret spot for the grand opening.

That was one thing that I think just, again, resonated that it is about the community and if you do well and you are fostering that community and you're building the community then the community is going to support you as well and so that was really really fucking nice to see you know people from Sydney people from out of out of the state you know everyone kind of coming in and supporting out of state out of country out of country supporting the club opening was just amazing and I just I loved it I loved seeing the fact that you know the Sydney scene is really thriving the fact that these people are coming together in a club was great and now there's two locations that you can go to to find like-minded people.

I think they said there was around about 200 people there or something like that. I think I heard Jess say, I'm not really too sure. Would that sound about right from what you saw? Yeah, I would estimate that that's somewhere near right. Okay, 200, 250 or something, I'm not too sure. But the way the evening went, it was drinks and meeting people. They had a performance, a dance performance come on. Jess and Lawrence obviously said some thank yous and as always, the crowd kind of split and huffed. if not more than half, the crowd went upstairs to the playroom area.

So that's generally how it tends to go. We played some pool. We met some people. We spoke to actually quite a few unicorns. That was their first ever event coming along. So two ladies there that were kind of being each other's wing women were there together as unicorns. Yeah, good for them. I mean, I don't know that they ever, I don't think they played that night, but that's not really the point when it's your first event. So they seem to have fun. Yeah, so we met a lot of people.

We had some great conversation but yeah to your point Daryl we did not play we didn't actually play that night we had fantastic time you know kind of catching up with Jess and Lawrence when they weren't so busy which was lovely we spoke to obviously Bradford and Angela we haven't seen them in a long time you know and just nice to meet people in Sydney you know on the scene but so why why did you why do you think we didn't play why didn't we play I think that it was a little bit tough for us to we haven't been to a club in a while so I'm gonna state that one first so we have not been to a club in quite a while and quite frankly we are fucking rusty yeah you know there was one point there where we were talking to our listeners and I heard us talking and I thought what the fuck are we like us talking not them they were lovely and I thought what the fuck are we doing here like what are we actually even talking about this is not floating this is not exciting conversation like we could have been talking about how to make fucking Weet-Bix like correctly you know what I mean it just I think we're definitely we were rusty that's one of the things that I put one of the things I really enjoy is that this is a global podcast and you've just used the term Weet-Bix which I'm sure half of the people listening have no fucking cereal we were making cereal I don't know like porridge oats whatever you want to call it yeah let's go with that yeah and so I think that was one thing that we were we were real rusty so we weren't doing great at picking people up and I also just think the mindset too because we haven't been in a club in a while I just don't think we're we're on the ball to be honest I think also that as lovely as the crowd was, there felt definitely like a bit of a segregation of different types of people in the club and us included, you know, and so that was a bit tough, I guess, mentally to kind of break into.

A lot of people there knew each other as well, but, you know, I think this comes from being at a grand opening. You've got groups of people who are coming to support the grand opening, you know, not necessarily just your average night where couples are looking to really make connections with new people. Yeah, absolutely. So I personally, you know, before I hand over to you, Daryl, I felt out of sorts, you I said it on the recent podcast that, you know, I'm a few kilos heavier at the moment. And so I was feeling myself, but not like super sexy, not excited to run around.

And that's another thing too. Like normally when we go to a club, halfway through, I'd go get dressed down into lingerie. I'd get dressed up into a butt plug or whatever and kind of, you know, get in the mindset that way. Sorry, I just realized that putting a butt plug in has now become dressing up. That's, I'm getting, I'm just going to, I just need to go get styled. I'm going to throw on a really nice dress and just cram in a butt plug and then I'll be ready to go. I'll be back. It matches my shoes. The DeMonte matches my shoes. Exactly.

So I think those are kind of the reasons that for me and, you know, I think I guess the vibe from us as a couple that we were throwing off, the vibe between us, you know, I wasn't really thinking that you were interested. And so I think all that led to us walking away, having a great night, meeting some amazing people, supporting Jess and Lawrence, but not, you know, playing inside the club. Yeah, absolutely. What about yourself? Well, the other thing was, is that it was an interesting, it was an interesting scenario to walk into, into an OSS.

When we walk in, when we used to walk into OSS, we knew a lot of the people that were in there. You know, that was certainly part of it as well. And this time around, most of the people that were there, we'd never met before. I would say vast, the vast majority we'd never met before. So that was certainly a part of it as well. So it means the reintroductions and the going through the origin stories and that sort of thing, each time around as well, which is, again, somewhat new.

It's been a long time since we've been to an event where we didn't know at least a group of the people that were there. So that was a refresher, I suppose, in how poor we are sometimes at flirting and getting to know people. Yeah. Which was nice. Interactions and connections on a quick timeline as well. That was quite a good thing. I quite like the fact that that happened. It will hopefully make us get back in the game. Well, that's what I was going to say. I feel like OSS became the testing grounds for the fact that we're about to go spend New Year's Eve in Colette and Dallas.

Yeah, absolutely. So my takeaway from this is that I'm really going to actually try to get out of my shell very quickly, have a good time and just be very flirty and be very energized because we do not get these opportunities often enough for me to feel like I'm going to fucking squander it. We kind of squandered the night. We fucking squandered it, man. We flew. We went to this amazing club and we fucked it up. Good Lord, we totally fucked it up. You're just realizing that now. I just realized that now. Wasted opportunity is what that was. Wasted opportunity to meet really sexy.

There were a lot of sexy... This is the other thing, right? There were a lot of sexy, interesting, cool people there. The big thing for me was the stark differences that I now feel like I was the oldest in the room. Okay, tell us about that. Well... Because this is actually something that... This comes up often, right? Sorry to cut you up, but this comes up reasonably often. Am I too old to visit a club? What happens if everybody's younger? You know... Well, no is the answer. I think there was a few things there for me that made me feel like the oldest in the room.

Certainly, I'm carrying a few more kilos than I'd normally like to. That's a part of it. Both of us are, yeah. So, that kind of impacts how you're putting yourself out there, the energy that you're putting out there, the energy that you're getting from everybody else. The other thing, again, you know, like you didn't feel that I was particularly interested. I didn't really feel like you were particularly interested in having some sexy fun that night. So... that was a part of it. Was that because I didn't dress up into my butt plug? Yeah, probably.

It's just because the butt plug didn't come out. Okay, all right. Yeah, so there was that. But also feeling a little heavier than normal, feeling a little older than the rest of the room, feeling a little less attractive than everyone else in the room is the other way to put it. I mean, that was a big difference for me. That did impact you. I could tell that that was impacting you and we spoke about it when we got back to the hotel till that night, I have never in our 11 years together seen you act or feel that way ever. I mean, you're a generally very confident individual.

You're generally pretty, you got your swagger on and I didn't see that from you that night. And it was a little bit disheartening, you know, because you obviously love the other person and you don't want them to see that, you know, feel that they're not, like you said. So how did you, how did you get over it? Did you? I didn't. You didn't? So you just let it, you just let it kind of roll over you. Yeah. Yeah. Just, I mean, the, there's some cases where you can get through that and make it and recover, right?

And that normally is around somebody else being interested in you who you find interesting as well and, you know, it snowballs from there and you feel more confident, you feel more attractive. But in that particular case, it didn't feel, because you were, it didn't seem that you were interested in playing, it didn't feel like you were interested in playing with me either.

So that sort of adds to the whole, not, nobody's interested in me in this club and then you've just, sometimes you've just got to let that just let it wash over you and say okay well that's how it is for tonight I'm not going to hate myself for it I certainly don't think I'm an unattractive overweight you know beast of a man I'm certainly I think I'm relatively attractive I'm not unattractive that's that's how I feel other people may feel differently especially after they learn my personality which is generally the um the thing that sways people either way but with that in mind it wasn't about that it was just more well okay look I'm not feeling my best I don't know that this is going to turn out the way that either of us would want it to because we're trying to force it.

We're in a new club in a new location doing something that we haven't done in, let's be honest, probably three years since we've been to a location without people that we know. Yeah, that's valid. Three or four years. That's actually valid because even when we went to Collier and Dallas last time, we were there with friends. We were there with a group of people. There's safety in having somebody that you can go back to who makes you feel or helps you feel good about yourself.

And that's actually one of the pieces of advice that you'll hear a lot of people give to new couples out there who are visiting the club for, you know, maybe not the first time because you obviously wouldn't know anybody, but second or third, you know, should you turn up with another couple? Should you turn up with a group that you can, you know, talk to a common group? And that's where that can be quite helpful is what you were feeling, Daryl, the fact that you maybe would have had that safety net.

So you didn't feel that it was necessary to correct that behavior or that thought process at the club. Did you know it was happening when you were there? Yeah, absolutely. I could feel it happening. It wasn't something that I needed to correct, no. I mean, it was a fleeting emotion. It wasn't something that was going to stick with me forever. It was just that there was a group of different things that added up there to make it feel like I wasn't, you know, the person in the room that I normally feel like I am. So it is what it is, as they say.

There's no reason for me to change that when you feel like that for a fleeting moment in a different environment. Okay. All right, two questions for you then. If you were going to give somebody advice who realizes that's happening at a club and wants to correct that behavior, that's my first question, what would that be? So this person notices that they want to correct it, what's your piece of advice to that?

And the other flip side is that, you know, somebody like you has noticed it, probably goes, you know what, tonight's not the time to correct it, I'm just going to have a few drinks and I'm going to roll on, like what would your advice be to that person? Do you have any? I'm going to start with the second one first because it's pretty glorious, right?

I mean, when you're in a place like OSS 2.0 it is a bar downstairs basically so you can sit back you can relax you can enjoy the the visual stimulus the conversation the interesting people around you and there were certainly interesting people around us all night I mean I felt like I gelled and spoke and chatted with probably I don't want to say four or five different couples that I actually felt an affinity to other than the other 10 or 15 that we just that I chatted with that you know that we didn't get to speak long enough or they weren't really our types or I wasn't their type and they wanted off.

The glorious thing about being in a bar situation is you can just sit down, you can just have a drink, you can just enjoy yourself, enjoy the environment, enjoy the sexiness and enjoy a drink. And from there, if you decide to, you can make the decision to push your boundaries and go and play perhaps with your own partner or you can just call it a night and go home. There's really nothing wrong with either side of that.

The other side is if you wish to correct that now it depends on how you're feeling i don't believe that all emotional states should be corrected the moment you feel them you mean anger jealousy and things like that they happen for a reason it's about understanding why they're there and digging into that and sometimes additional exposure to them is something that will help it's understanding the triggers understanding the triggers and then learning on your way through what the triggers are and then doing your best to either avoid the triggers which is normally impossible or A good example of that is fear of flying.

How do you avoid flying when you've got a fear of flying? You can't really do that. So you've got to start to categorise, compartmentalise and figure out how you can deal with perhaps 80% or 70% or 60% of the thing that causes that issue and you can put that away. But the other stuff that you can't deal with, it becomes a smaller portion of the overarching problem.

So if I was going to do it, for starters, what I would do is the conversations I was having with other people, you know, I would get deeper into those and actually start getting to the point where I wanted to play with these people and then ask them to play. So change the conversation over to sexy conversation maybe? Well, no, I mean we were having sexy conversation anyway. It just wasn't about let's go upstairs, you know. For me, I'd start actively flirting to the point where it's something that I'm effectively forcing myself to do, you know. Yeah.

Certainly, if there's a brick wall in front of you and it's as tall and wide and deep as you can see, then there's only one way through it, and that's to actually bust through the middle of it, right? Sometimes it takes a slow chamber to do that. So for me, it does. It means that I would need to actively put myself out of my comfort zone and do some active flirting and, you know, active touching and assess whether these people start finding me sick.

And then if they do, immediately you lose, especially in this particular circumstance, but I lose the fact that I feel like the oldest, fattest, unattractive, most unattractive person in the room. You get rid of that when, as soon as somebody starts finding you attractive, interesting and exciting, it starts to counteract the things that are going on in your head. From that, your confidence starts to build. And as your confidence builds, those things fall away. Your confidence grows more. They keep falling away.

You get to a point where you can actually, you know, potentially take it to the next level without feeling like things are wrong. So I wouldn't say that this is a, I wouldn't necessarily necessarily classify this as a fake it till you make it scenario. I'm going to throw that off the table. I think this is very, very different. It is being an active participant in your evening and that event. So you are wanting to maybe get to a certain... It's an active participant in your own failings. The ability to look at them and say, okay, well, this is shit. I don't like this.

How do I actively work to change that? I'm going to change my mindset. I'm going to change my actions. I think for me, it's always been actions pre-mindset. Okay. Because until you get to the point that your actions are doing what you want, what you want yourself to be and people are responding to those actions in a way that you're hoping them to, until you get to that, your mindset doesn't change. Here it is. It's like sex drive, basically. Like if you're going to pull it down into that level where some people say, you know, sex drive can be a circle, basically.

It can be an ongoing circle where it's like, geez, gosh, I don't feel like I'm having enough of sex or I don't feel like I'm in that mindset enough, God, I better get there. But then as you do that, you stress more about it and so then you don't want it even more. You're saying the same thing, like your actions, putting yourself out there, trying to flirt with people, getting in that mindset, having a dance, having a drink, touching people will ultimately, those actions put you in that mindset. Yeah. I think sometimes you have to force those actions. Okay.

And I mean personally force them, obviously, not force them upon other people. Yeah. Personally force your change in mindset. So what are you going to do differently? in Dallas in New Year's Eve? That's a really good question. I mean, I think for starters, we're again going with people that we know, which helps. But additionally, I think the way to actively change this is to walk up to people and say, hey, how are you? You know, and bring you over and then say, look, this is us. How's your night going? And if we both find them interesting, attractive, just ask the question. Okay.

Would you guys like to go upstairs? We're going to make a pact. We're going to like, do a little pact before we go there? Sweetheart, you know that I can walk, I will walk up to somebody in the middle of the club and ask them that without any problem at all. So no pact then? We can make, let's make a pact, yeah. I feel like you're not wanting to make a pact. No, no, I definitely want to make a pact. You sound like, I don't know. It's going to be an amazing pact. I don't feel like you say you want to do a pact with me. Like, this makes me sad, Panda. Best pact ever. Sex pact 2020. Sex pact?

Sex pact. Hashtag sex pact 2020. Hashtag sex pact 2020 for you. for the New Year's. We're going to ring it in, right? So give me a high five up. Up top. There we go. So moving on from OSS, I've got some questions for you because you just made Sex Pack 2020 with me. And the interesting thing about us going overseas is that after I'm gone, you've got another two events to go to. And you were... Two events? Two events? Fuck, if I know, where's the other one coming from? I thought you had two events. No, just going to Secrets. And then two? Secrets, that's it. You're going to a whole nother city?

Yeah, Miami to do work, man. Yeah, okay, so there's no chance that you might find an event down there either. Might rub one out, that's about as good as it's going to get. Okay, well, let's see, let's see. Hashtag sex pack 2020, rub it out. So you initially discussed the fact that you may actually like to play solo again, potentially. Maybe. And that was something that you were interested in. Sidebar, the rug on the floor of our house is not that comfortable. Yeah, we probably should tell people that we're moving in January and you're out of country for the next three weeks.

So we're kind of... If you had some rustling on these microphones, it's because we're currently holding them in our hands and we're sitting on the floor on our rug and recording from our portable mics. So there you go. Anyway, so yep. Pretty sure all mics are portable. Solo, solo. Yeah, so I'm interested in what that looks like for you. What is Kate's solo mission? You know, nothing but gangbangs and bukkakies. Yeah. Yeah. I can hold you to that and I will find people. No, thank you. That will be just Bukkaki-ing you. No, that's good. I appreciate the offer. A Bukkake fest.

I really appreciate the offer for all those people out there who were going to include. Try Bukkaki. But yeah, thank you. Thank you for the man juice, but not necessary at this point in time. Okay. What would I like? What would I like? Look, I think that it would be nice as per kind of our solo, oh, sorry, not our solo, play episode but our single man most recent episode where I was talking about you know feeling desired and everything else and I mean that's the same. Of which I found three guys that were willing to catch up with us on that weekend just by the way.

You said you could so you did. There you go. Yeah three guys. Yeah I think that would be nice.

Ultimately my issue sometimes with being a unicorn is that I like to please other people right and often times I think actually this was a really good conversation we had with some friends in Brisbane recently is that I think as a unicorn sometimes what happens is the other couple wants to put so much of their energy and so much focus back on the unicorn and that's not necessarily my jam oftentimes you know I like everybody to kind of play have some fun sometimes I like to direct the play yeah and so I think that whilst playing as a unicorn and being solo is lovely I think that I would also I would not necessarily just want to be the person that is you know the prize or the whatever and everybody's got to put their attention on me you know ultimately I wanted to feel desired, so that's the first thing, but then I would like it to be an understanding that, hey, even though you are a unicorn and you are entering into that couple's bedroom in a very intimate way, that the focus is not the unicorn.

You know, the focus is everybody there and, you know, sometimes it's quite nice to see other people's interactions with each other as well. So that would be one of the things that I would want.

Secondary to that is something we discussed on the solo play episode where, you know, it would be nice to kind of have a little bit of freedom around that, not necessarily, you feel like restricted is probably not the right word but you know where there are certain guidelines that we have to follow because you know we have spoken about taking taking video or photos and I think that does it would possibly stop some of the have concerns for some people that might want to play with me you know I'm gonna go hey I gotta videotape you for my partner you know so I think that you know we spoke about possibility of having some freedom around that last time and so that might be also interesting.

Yeah, okay. I mean, the freedom side of things is fine. And then, if I can just put an extra thing on that, you know, whether that then comes from me doing some recording for you privately on my phone afterwards, either audio or video to tell you what happened, whether that then comes from me writing some erotica down after to be able to, you know, I mean, there's ways around that and there's certainly ways we can work with it.

But I think that sometimes walking up to somebody and say, hey, I really want to sleep with you, but also let me just do X, Y, and Z and can I film you and can I do this? and I think sometimes that not just puts a limit on the potential for those people to want to play with me but also it can kind of somehow take away a bit of the spontaneity. Yeah, okay. That answer your question? Yeah, absolutely. Fuckface that you just put me on the line? Yeah. Sex back 2020? Yep, absolutely. Put you on the spot on purpose. Okay, cool. What are your thoughts on any of that?

Yeah, I mean most of it's no surprise to me. I'm happy with the, you know, we can certainly negotiate what a, what a response looks like in terms of what I want to see. Certainly I want to understand what's going on and that's part of the thing that excites me is knowing that you're having sex and being pleasured. And that's the thing, that's that compulsion element, right, that we've got to take care of. Yeah, that's probably ultimately the most exciting part to me, being able to know or watch or hear or whatever. So, yeah, that's something we certainly need to work on or finalise around.

I think... writing that down would probably be the best media for me to have a, an active engagement with because my imagination can then part of it, pay apart as well in what that looks like. Pay apart. Yeah. Whatever. Pay apart. yeah, so that's certainly, that certainly is of interest to me. And, and this is, it's an interesting change, right? Because we've, we've, so playing up until now solo has always been with people that we know and trust.

And this time around would, possibly be and potentially more than once with somebody who I don't know or who you haven't played with who I haven't played with yeah which will be an interesting change of pace for me to see whether that's something that I can deal with well and again actually if you're out there and listening and you've been listening to you know us talk for years you would have recognized that throughout our journey you know there's been times where I've been like yep we're not going to play solo you know and oftentimes we do try to use our language around the fact that this is not for us right now.

But over the years... And frankly speaking, this is not for us generally. Maybe in the future, you don't know. No, no, I mean generally this isn't for us. I suppose the reason that solo players even come up for us is based around the fact that it's very difficult for us now to align both your schedule, mine and potentially another couple's to meet. Yep. And that has almost forced our hand in some ways to remain as part of this and as part of our clan, when you travel alone, especially if you travel to the US, which you do frequently for your work now, that means that...

It's a conversation we're going to have. Yeah, we're going to have it because I don't want to limit you and I hope you don't want to limit me as well. Yeah, and you've played an Australia solo, but what I was kind of trying to get to there is that over the years, you may have heard us talk about solo play is not for us. And as I was rolling back to, we do try to use the language around it's not for us right now or, you know, not that it's never going to be for us because things change, you adapt, you know, circumstances change. Still not our preference though.

Yeah, it might not be your preference. We may do it once, never do it again. But this is another really good reason if you are out there and you're consuming resources about the lifestyle, that couple or that person's approach to things is not gospel. And it varies. It varies. Seek different opinions, seek different approaches, make up your own, take sections from each person that you're a listening to because I think oftentimes as a voice or a resource, we may come across as being this is how it's done or this is our thing.

And you've got to remember that is our journey, our journey only, not yours. So that's a disclaimer. And each is very different to their own. Each couple has a different relationship. And even in that couple's circumstances at that point in time is different. You don't know what people are going through, happiness, sadness, whatever, stress. Yeah, absolutely. What is really interesting about this though is it's it started to push some of my understandings of what my interests are when it comes to you playing solo as well.

So you playing solo in the US at these events that you're going to, or event, sorry, that you're going to is certainly something that is now exciting to me, which is a very different mindset to what I was previously. Even the second time around that you played solo with people that we knew, it was... to me the second time around. I'm not really sure why, but it was. But the interesting thing is now, this time around, you're going to Miami alone. I'm now pushing my own boundaries when it comes to what my fantasies are about you playing alone.

And it's gotten to the point where one of my fantasies is you to literally go out and pick up a guy and potentially fuck him in an alley on the way home or something crazy like that. We've spoken about that on the podcast before. Yeah, so, but that's becoming... Easier to fantasize about than logistically go into though, isn't it? Safe sex, all of that fucking somebody in an alley, blah. Yeah, okay, so yes, yes. So there is, but, you know, it's interesting to see that change in me as well, somehow.

It is, and actually I think it's, that's why sometimes every now and then I'll go back and I'll listen to an older episode of ours and I'll be like, aha, that's kind of what we said, you know.

And so if you're out there and you're listening and you think, hold on a second, these guys have said on episode number, fuck, I don't know, 23, two that they'd never play solo call us on our shit because that's something we try not to do so this is us right now I don't know that's that's pretty much it Daryl for the OSS wrap up it is the only thing I wanted to say is I'm actually pretty happy with our new podcasting solution that we have right now because the entire time I've been sitting here you're probably not aware of this half of your vagina has been poking out the side of your pants sounds like I've got a giant vagina no no it's just that you've got quite a small pair of pants on yeah Or vagina.

Maybe a little both. Thanks, man. Small pants, medium-sized vagina. What am I going to say? Nice, nice work. What? So that's a wrap. Thank you very much for listening to our wrap-up of Our Secret Spot. Congratulations again to Jess and Lawrence for opening Annandale. Amazing spot. Well done. So that's oursecretspot.com.au. Check that out in the show notes if you guys want to head there. We do recommend it. Best club in Australia, hands down, guys. We're not going to lie. And that's just not because we know the people. It is the best club in Australia. Yep. And a little bit about the solo play.

So we're going to go, I guess, I don't know, pack our bags now and get ready to head to the airport. Given we haven't started and our flight leaves in six hours. This is the third podcast we've recorded where we're like, hey, we've got to go pack and go. We should travel this. Yeah, we should. But it's been great as always. Thank you for hanging out with us. Thank you for listening to our journey and really appreciate it. Anything else, Daryl, you want to add? Well, the only thing I want to add is I think during our flight to the US, Kate's going to do some little snippets, I think.

We should just get her to do one on on her iPhone, like hour two, hour 10, hour 28, because I want to, hour 23, why the fuck are you breathing so loudly? Because I want to hear, I want to see, well, I want to hear feedback on what you guys see as a difference to Kate from hour one through to hour 28, because she goes from being a glorious little angel to a fucking satanic devil, devil with horns who, and eyeballs that want to cut through you like lasers. Yep. She's like a shark wearing lasers. Here we go. I just wanted some fucking laces. Hashtag travel tip.

If you go on long haul flights with your partner, it is absolutely acceptable to make an agreement not to talk at the end of that trip until you get to stop, get some sleep. You guys, make an agreement. Don't talk. Once we land, we will not talk because if we do, we're probably going to hate each other. Yeah, like you're breathing too fucking loudly and now I want to strangle you. Yeah. Yeah, good. So let's end on that happy note, shall we?

Yeah, no, actually, I'm just going to say the upside to this travel flight for me is that we are flying on one of my preferred carriers, sister aircraft company. So hopefully I get an upgrade and Kate doesn't. That would be... Fucking take it. Take it. Absolutely take it. By that, she means take it right now. But what she means when we land... No, if you get offered an upgrade, fucking take it. She'll be like, take it. Take it in the ass. Take it in the ass, you fucking asshole.

If they come up to you and they're like, hello, Daryl, we've got a ticket to upgrade and we're going to upgrade you into this. You know what? I'm going to be you right now. Hey, Kate, bye. That's it. Seriously. Fucking laters. Okay. Okay. Bye. See you. Bye. If you're looking for more ways to interact with Swinging Down Under, you can catch us on Twitter at Swing Down Under. You can also catch us on Instagram, Swinging Down Under, or head over to our website, SwingingDownUnder.com.

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