Hey Sexies,
Have you ever said or read this commonly used phrase "We don't have expectations"?
In today's episode we cover this as part of our stuff swingers say series, we dig into the phrase, pull it apart and ultimately debate what we both think about the usage of it. Do we really have no expectations? Are expectations healthy? What is with the flat earth debate?... we cover this and more in our latest episode.
In the second half of this podcast we share some opinions and thoughts from the members of our Kasidie community; we asked what they thought about this phrase and gave us their honest answers. We loved sharing these with you and would be honored if you'd join in on the fun.
Mentioned in this Podcast
Episode 85; Taking one for the team
Episode 15; Extract of 'expectations' audio
Kasidie Swingers Dating Site; Our Community
#30DaysOfLingerie - on twitter
Events
Naughty In Nawlins, July 2020 in New Orleans
Podcast-A-Palooza; October 2020 in Miami
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Love, Peace and Respect.
xx
C&D
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Transcript
you're listening to swinging down under podcast about the swinging non-monogamous lifestyle from two crazy australians with over four years of lifestyle antics to keep you entertained informed angry happy and horny join our international swinging adventures i like the pause before we press the record button it's important one thousand two go if you don't do it the microphone explodes yeah that's what i figured that's what happens anyway radio guys g'day and welcome back to episode number 103 today's episode welcome back welcome back what do you mean well because they're avid listeners of the swinging down on a podcast and you know welcome back oh i thought you meant welcome back to, because it was in the comma, I thought you meant welcome back.
Welcome back. What do you mean? Well, because they're avid listeners of the Swinging Down Under podcast and, you know, welcome back. Oh, I thought you meant welcome back to, because it was in the comma, I thought you meant welcome back to podcast number 103. I thought maybe we did the first half some other time or something. Hey guys, welcome back to the Swinging Down Under podcast. This is episode number 103. Daryl, what's the star date? Oh, it's got to be 396 by now. Shit, at least. All right. Today's episode is all about swinger expectations. You've read it, you've seen it, you've heard it.
We don't have expectations when we go to parties. And that's what we're going to talk about today. Wow, that's a horribly demeaning voice for anyone who's actually said that out loud. We've said it out loud. Yeah, you have. We have. Absolutely, we have. And I've got proof of it, actually. So what we're going to do today is we're going to break. I've never said that, Ella. You've never? No way. Let's just see. We're going to break down some of the discussions. We're going to decide what is expectations. Do we actually have them? Do we not have them?
This is part of the stuff that swingers say and follow on from actually number episode 85, which was about taking one for the team. So the whole, we don't take one for the team. So go and listen to episode 85, come back and finish up with episode 103. We're going to keep going on with this series every now and then. And today's about expectations. Before we get into the podcast, really quick updates, which is that Podcasterpalooza, sadly, has been postponed to October 9th through to the 12th this year in 2020. Still in Miami, still at the same hotel.
It's just that there's stuff going on in the world.
We had to move we're not going to mention no we're not going to mention the name of the stuffs we just had to move it for the health and safety of everybody involved so that is happening podcaster blues are in October including us including us or mostly me and unfortunately there are a few people that are no longer able to make those October dates and so we are reselling their room so if you weren't able to make the May dates but October sounds like you can come do jump onto the podcast dash a dash below is a website because it has opened up a lot of room types so if you wanted to come you couldn't we'd love you to come and we'll resell those rooms for the people that now can't come which is quite sad otherwise 30 days of lingerie is happening on Twitter come and join us that's all throughout April and the podcast today is going to be broken into two sections Dl and I are going to debate it, and then we're going to get some of what you guys told us on the show as well.
And I have a little bit of a sneaky snippet of audio that I'm going to put in there. Never said it. You did say it. I deny it. Well, you're shit out of luck, dude. The beauty about having a podcast. Works for politicians, works for me. Oh, that's true. Yeah, that's true. The beauty about having a podcast is that, you know, you do have evidence of times that we've done things. Never said it. You misheard me. Okay. It's taken out of context. Okay. The thing about this as well, and we've always said this from day one, is that we always call each other on our shit.
You know, Aussies, we tend to do that. Daryl and I do it a lot in our relationship too, right? We call each other on each other's shit. And that's what this is about too. So we've said over the years, you know, we're not always right. We change our thoughts. We change our processes. Not always right. Well, most often wrong. You might be shooting for the stars there. And so that's the beauty of it.
So actually, I went back through, and I don't want to spend too much time on this, but I went back through trying to find evidence of us having before said, you know, we don't have expectations just so I could put it in there and we could take the piss out of ourselves as well. So that's what it's about. Daryl, when somebody says to you they don't have expectations, what's generally your overall thought? I think their intentions are exactly what they're saying. I mean, why would I read into that? They're saying that they believe that there's no expectations. So there's no expectations.
Of anything. Of anything. Of getting a lollipop after dinner. There's no expectations on anything. Who gives lollipops away after dinner? So when somebody says to me they don't have expectations, I immediately assume we're talking about sex, sexual activity. That's what I assume. But having said that, I think... In the lifestyle or just in general? In the lifestyle. But I think it also leads then to expectations about an event, expectations know, expectations about a certain couple, you know, having expectations. And I think that's generally when you read it, that's what people mean by it.
You know, we want to turn up to an event, we don't have any expectations. Now, the actual definition of expectation is... No, we're not doing that. No, we're not. A belief about what might happen in the future, like your expectation... Shutting the podcast down....to be close with your friends the whole life.
So when it comes to sex sex in the lifestyle what does it mean when somebody writes on their profile that they they have no sexual expectations when it comes to going to an event um that they're not expecting sex that they you know are going but not expecting it and i think that most of the time it's led or it's said in a moment of like we don't want people to think that we're on the prowl we don't want people to think that we're on the hunt you know we're just here to have a good time sex is not necessarily the primary sex is maybe the secondary or the something that happens as a result of attending but not necessarily the the first and foremost reason for attending and I think that's what people are actually trying to say is that their expectations that they don't have is because they don't want anyone to feel like they're hunting.
So let me ask the question in a different way now because you know some people might say well there might be expectations about the event. Typically do people have expectations about an event? That's what we're going to debate today because I personally believe absolutely they would and the reason I think that is because and actually let's take it away from people.
Let's it back to just just us because that's an easier thing to talk about do i have an expectation on an event apps are fucking lootly because i want to have a good time i've possibly outlaid money i've possibly outlaid time and effort you know getting tanned getting an outfit together putting on hair and makeup setting up putting on hair putting on hair and makeup yeah putting on hair um setting up the generally it takes it's taking hair off that's what you do before an event unless i'm wearing one of those um merkins merkins yeah maybe i'm wearing a merkin why would you ever be wearing a merkin maybe you have a merkin that's the theme of the party you have a merkin no we should have a merkin party i like the idea of a merkin party that's actually the dead cat straight off our microphones yeah no only if you want to put it over the end of my penis and have like a penis merkin.
Not really. A perkin. Yeah, of course I've got expectations. If I'm getting dressed up and everything else, yes, I have expectations and this is where the idea of what does that mean comes into play, which is I want to have a good time.
But I think we've already stumbled across stumbled across that in the intro we've said well people who who say they don't have expectations generally are talking about sex so they still have expectations about everything else and if sex happens then da da yay but then you know isn't isn't the whole purpose of the swinging lifestyle to have sex with other people isn't that the intention at its core no no so when we say we have no expectations to have sex with other people isn't that the intention no at its core no no so when we say we have no expectations to have sex with people you know i don't know is that a bit of a bit of a black and white versus the fact that the reality is a lot of people do get into the swinging lifestyle because they're wanting to explore diversity and having other people to play with yeah but i'm fairly sure they'd rather go to an event and have fun and not get laid than go to an event, have no fun and get laid.
I don't see why they have to be... I mean, if the event's shit, the problem is then anything trailing that normally becomes shit. Yeah, but why do they have to be exclusive to each other? Why can't you... They don't have to be exclusive to each other, but if you miss one, the likelihood of getting the other, because let's be honest, if the party is not going well or the event is not going well, then you're going to hate the rest of it. So you're not in the right mindset generally unless you want to angry fuck.
And if you want to angry fuck, then it's kind of unlikely that you're going to be angry fucking another couple. It's normally you as a couple who angry fuck, I think.
I mean, again, I'm speaking for us rather than everyone else i don't yeah i don't think that you can necessarily have one without the other okay we can't if it's a bad event then i just want to go home yeah but i mean we've had bad events but we've exited the event and then just spent some time with a couple or with a group of people and had a good time yes but that becomes but that's now that's now a different event that's a new event i see what you're saying yeah you're not i mean if the event's really shit and you exit with a group of people and had a good time.
Yes, but that's now a different event. That's a new event. I see what you're saying. Yeah, you're not. I mean, if the event's really shit and you exit with a couple that you enjoy the company of and start another event just with four of you, then it's a different event. I don't think it's black and white at all. It's just very, it's all very intertwined. But if you don't have fun, then sex is supposed to be fun.
If you're not having fun while having having sex whether it's whatever type of sex you're into you know whatever kink or whatever it is if it's not fun for you then why the fuck are you doing it well okay look i'm i'm gonna i'm gonna probably put a spinner in the works here you know i i would actually say that we do have expectations on having sex when we go to events um certainly i know for a fact that when we've gone to events, we have had expectations of having sex.
And if it doesn't happen, then there is an element of walking away feeling like a bit jaded, you know, feeling like we haven't, you know, managed to do what we wanted to do, we haven't had a good time, all those sorts of things, you know. But now you're saying couple expectations versus individual expectations.
It's different again, because as a you may actually again because of the requisite effort that you put in to get to an event to dress appropriately for event to look right for an event as a couple you may have an expectation that you find another nice couple to hang out with that's a couple expectation but as individuals going into an event with the expectation that you know your wife or your husband is going to or your partner is going to play with somebody else or play you know in general is is kind of not really something that we set up for so what you're saying is you're allowed to have an expectation as a couple you're allowed to have an expectations on yourself so i.e i really want you know daryl and i both in to kind of play with people today or the other verse of that is i really want to play with people today but what you're saying is i can't have expectations that i would love to see daryl with a wet lady tonight yeah you can't have expectations that are well i mean you can provided we've discussed them and we both agree on them because then they become couple expectations but you can't force somebody into doing something they don't want they don't want to do nor can you um nor can you force another the couple to do what you don't want doing something they don't want to do, nor can you force another couple to do what they don't want to do.
Well, not what they don't want to do, but force your expectations on other people or push your expectations on other people. So what's your point, though? I think you've gone a bit off track and I'm not quite following.
What's your point about having expectations as a couple, so having sex at a group or a party or an event or whatever or a date well i don't think there's an issue with having an expectation of a fun night but you think whatever the fun no the fun night is the grayness the fun night can be just hanging out with people having a drink or it can be having all the way through to you know whatever it is that you're into in sex that's the gray the gray is not having an is not the expectation part i think if it's fair to have an expectation provided it's not something that's untoward I don't know.
whatever it is that you're into in sex. That's the grey. The grey is not the expectation part. I think it's fair to have an expectation provided it's not something that's untoward or outside of what you're happy with as a couple or the group's happy with as a group once you get into that situation. But to say you go to anything without an expectation is total horseshit. You always go to things with expectations. Yeah, I agree. I absolutely agree hands down 100% that you go to something with some form of expectation because it takes energy.
You open a bottle of milk and you expect to drink milk. You know, that's life. Yeah. You know, if you go to the bathroom, you expect there to be toilet paper. Sorry, that was a bit of callback to, you know, the fact that there's just about no toilet paper in the world. Yeah, so, I mean, there's always expectations. If you press the button on the TV remote, you expect the TV to turn on. Okay, well, then why do you think it's become a bit of a dirty word then in the lifestyle, having expectations?
Why do you think that when somebody says that there's an element, you know, even as much as they're trying to be positive about it, we don't have expectations, meaning that, hey, we're good to go with the flow, we're happy to be here, all these really positives, but there is an element of negative connotation because we don't, again, I think we don't want to have people see us as a hunter, see us as people that are... I don't see this negative connotation. You don't see it at all? No, I think you may have should have briefed me on this. Have we had somebody pressure this negative connotation?
I've never had anyone say to me, oh, they say they have no expectations. I'm not interested.
No, it's just over our time, five years in the lifestyle, I think when people say it, I think there is an element of the fact that if you were as a couple to say yes we have expectations I think that other people would take that in a certain way that may not be in a positive light and that's what I'm here to debate that because to be honest it's just how you explain the expectation that's all we explore I have an expectation every time I go out with anyone and that is that I have fun yeah and if it's not fun then I'll leave you know that's an ongoing expectation but i don't believe that that's an an expectation i need to explain to people if they don't understand that when we catch up we should have fun then and enjoy each other's company then i mean i'm hanging out with the wrong people okay well i i'm i'm gonna say that i do have expectations to go to event.
You know, I remember going to large events in the past and going there thinking, you know, or the office party even here in Singapore. You know, I went there with an expectation, yes, that it was going to be fun and everything else. But did I go there with an expectation that we were going to have sex with people? Yes. Or I had hoped that we were going to go there and have sex with people because that was what I wanted to achieve or that was my desire. I think the bigger part to that is that I'm not understanding of that. I didn't know that that was the case. Okay, well, okay.
So that's, I think there's something. This is a historical thing. Look, I mean, we've been to events in the past where we've said we want to have sex with people tonight and it hasn't happened because of whatever reason. I mean, those are conversations that we do have before we go. Yeah, I've definitely said that to you.
I know I said it to you at the last desire when we went in and the desire the year before that and in the past year as well definitely those big events there's been times because of the fact and I think there's there is elements of higher levels of expectations that I put on things based on the level of energy that's going into them so when we travel 24 hours to go to a whole nother country and we, you know, five grand on an event and we've waited a year to go there, you know, do I have expectations we're going to at least have sex with one couple? Fuck yes, I do. Because that's what I want.
That's part of the enjoyment. You know, I'm hoping for that. I don't, yeah. And I think that that's, I think, I don't know whether people see that as something bad or not. You know, when we say we don't have expectations, I think expectations. I think if I was to come on a forum and say, hell yeah, I've got expectations, I want to go have sex with people, I don't know whether that would be perceived as friendly. I don't understand why it wouldn't. I mean, if you've got an expectation and you voice it, people voice their sexual expectations all the time. I want somebody to do this.
I want this from people. I want a big cock. I want this. I want big tips.
So whatever it is, people voice their sexual expectations all the time i i want somebody to do this i want this from people i want a big cock i want to you know this i want big tips so whatever it is people voice their sexual expectations all the time in the lifestyle that's it's the same same so then should we do away with the term we don't have expectations if you're saying everybody does and it's clear that everybody does plus when people put their desires out there those desires are interpreted as expectations i think i think the i the differential here the difference between what you've defined as a expectation is what is really an expectation is the issue you define an expectation as something that um that you expect other people to adhere to it's almost that fantasy thing that i was talking about before where your fantasy is exactly what happens in your head and that's not necessarily how things play out expectations you can have them internally yourself and still not um invoke or try to explore that expectation with somebody else i think there's a difference there the expectation that you have in yourself or as a couple to go to an event and play that doesn't mean that you're going to turn up there and go well all those couples are fucked because none of them played with us so i think the the expectation here is it's always the same everybody has expectations but the expectation to not burden other people with your expectation is what i think they're talking about what people are saying when they say we don't have expectations certainly that's what I'm saying.
I'm saying I'm coming into this with the expectation one, that I'm actually going to have fun. Two, I might have a drink and a meal. That's an expectation. I expect to enjoy your company. I expect that we will be comfortable doing whatever we decide we're comfortable with. And I have no expectation.
I have an expectation that if we get to a point at any point where you're not comfortable or happy you will say to me we're not going any further than this yeah so that is also an expectation yeah i think i think what you're probably thinking more about is those couple on couple interactions where things are leading in that general direction like having an expectation to play without maybe giving those other people the option of course that's not what we're talking about it's more um you know turning up at an event in a broader sense so not specifically honing in on one couple and saying well i feel like i missed a brief on the way in there no no no this is good conversation because you know maybe is that what people are talking about when people say that you know that they're when if somebody was to say that to me hey with kate and daryl we've got no expectations that is very directed the fact that, in other words, you know, there's nothing on the table, the choice is ours, play as if we want to, which is obviously the case every time anyway.
Exactly. Versus a larger event where you say I've got no expectations or I do have, you know, when I say I've got expectations on going to a larger band and having sex with somebody, that's because I want to put it out there. I want to have a good time.
That's what i'm hoping for versus that direct with see that's hope versus expectation two very different things well here's the other thing though do you do you see that as predatory so i say you not at all um we're going to an event in um whatever july we're going to an event in july or we're going to event in august whatever we're not but what if we were um we're going to this XYZ event, and, you know, I've got expectations that I really want to spend, I want to have sex with, I don't know, two couples. Actually, I did that recently when we went to Colette in Dallas.
You know, I said, I want to find this is what I want to have tonight. Do you see that as potentially predatory? Like I'm walking through those doors in my head going, I want to find one couple and another single to have sex with. Let me just step back a little bit and say when you walk into any club experience ever in the history of the time you've been in the lifestyle, have you looked around the room and gone, I'd fuck them, I'd fuck them, I won't fuck them, I will fuck them, I'll fuck them, they look nice, they seem intelligent and I like the way they look, I'll fuck them. Yeah, of course.
That's predatory, not the other bit. I mean, just judging from across the room is a lot more predatory than actually walking up to people, holding a conversation with them and then saying, hey, guys, I think that would be really nice if we go and play. There's nothing predatory about giving people an option. That's an option.
They're free to explore that option or they're free to tell you no predatory is walking walking up and grabbing somebody in the ass and saying well yeah sticking your finger in somebody's arsehole as you walk up to them i mean that's predatory and of course sexual assault but it's it's predatory you know i don't think having expectations is predatory at all and they're your expectations and i'll ask you this in all instances when you had expectations were they ever filled no so it's not like you not 100 percent like for example that one i understand we had sex with a couple we didn't have sex with a single or um we went to somebody vomiting in a playroom if i can put that to bed pretty quickly we went to naughty new orleans i think i said i want to have sex with at least three couples and I think we had sex with two.
So, yes, they've been fulfilled in some manner but not fully. So then your expectations were not met, which meant you what? You ran out into the pool beside Desire and said, listen, you cunts, you're all not fucking me. I fucking hate you and left. Or did you just go, okay, well, we had fun. We enjoyed our time. And that was the year that I was kicked out of Desire and never allowed back. I think expectations are natural.
It's just what you define and how you define expectations we don't have expectations other than the ones i've mentioned around having fun and enjoying people's company all right um the the sex side sometimes we do sometimes we do around sex but we would never push that expectation onto anyone else yeah which is which is pred.
So when we had that conversation before Colette in Dallas where I did actually say to you, this is what I'm expecting tonight or what I'm hoping for tonight, and we walked in, and again, I think it's more about the situation, not I expect to have sex with that couple, and if it doesn't happen, then I'm going to be pissed off because obviously that's not the case.
Hey, should we play a clip number 15 go nuts go nuts this is from episode number 15 start like 37 i don't know uh this is an oldie and uh and uh recorded uh not long after we got our first set of microphones given to us from our secret spot actually i think that was part of the audio and have a listen to this really i mean for us even if we on, say, a Friday night and we go to an event on a Saturday night, there is no expectation. We don't know. Well, certainly we don't have the expectation. Well, we don't have the expectation. I think that's fair.
And quite frankly, the kiddie's probably like, I definitely don't have the expectation. Kiddies, do that. Did you hear yourself just say you don't have expectations? No. You want play it again i'll play it again no really i mean for us even if we have played on say a friday night we go to an event on a saturday night there is no expectation we don't know well certainly we don't have the expectation it's out of context what expectation are we talking about uh about playing a couple of nights in a row if we go to a few different events is what we're actually talking about.
So there's no expectation that we would get – I never go to an event expecting to play. I always go to an event expecting to have fun. And if I have the idea that I would like to play, that's not an expectation because I can't then get angry at anyone or tell anyone off if it doesn't happen.
If I go to a order a 200 steak it comes out and it's fucking terrible then i can actually say to somebody this is shit i don't want this anymore and i would like my money back that is me invoking an expectation i don't do the same thing when somebody when i walk up to somebody in a club and say hey guys would you be interested in playing they say oh look we don't think you're our type i don't go well fuck you and flip on the bird and fucking back off into the mist you know like you're a pack of bastards that's the difference between expectation setting and not i think the title of this is about expectation i just wanted to play that because i cut it out of an earlier episode and i didn't want it to get away so that's quite a rambling one i'm not going to play that on today's podcast but um i found uh I found multiple other versions where we say we don't have expectations over the years and I just thought it was funny.
Hey, all right, let's take a quick break. Let's come back and let's share some of the responses that you guys gave me. I actually put these up on our Cassidy community months and months and months ago. Why is it that you cut them up into different slices? I don't know, I just do. Okay. I put this up in our Cassidy community months and months and months ago when we were supposed to get around to doing this episode, you know, pretty quickly after episode number 85. This is number 103, so clearly it didn't happen.
And we're going to share some of those responses that we get when we come right back. All right. So this one's from Carefree in Arizona. They said, expectations. Hell, yes, we have expectations, and that was in capitals. We expect to have the ultimate sex-crazed orgasms with the hottest couples at every event. We get horny for weeks and months before an event just thinking about the hot lubed-up orgies that we're going to have and all of the new friends we're going to meet and fuck.
We soak up the erotic sexual energy at each group at every event and blow loads bigger than an 18-year-old six times a day they're just they're playing around it's quite funny he expects to be rock hard within sex within seconds of the wind blowing she expects multiple orgasms quivering waves of pleasure and groans of satisfaction with each other and every play partner expectations expectations be damned we're having so much fun carefree from Arizona cool. Cool. I love it. Okay. So, yeah, I mean, they might have some expectations. Couple. A lot of ones.
Yeah, I think they're setting the bar rather high there, but good for them. I want to know what parties they're going to because damn. Yeah, absolutely. So should I do one now? Yeah, go on. Should I do it? I'll do a short one to warm up. Get your vocal cords ready. So this is Phil Couple, P-H-L-C-L-C-P-L. Of course we have expectations. We don't have expectations for any. Expectation? What? Can't we? I mean, it's just such a big word. It's bigger than marmalade. Why don't you just say E? No, because then it sounds like we're selling drugs.
say banana of course we have bananas we don't have bananas for any particular sex or sector act at all but we have bananas to meet people or singles with a interesting story positive energy and a willingness to see where the chemistry takes us bananas it's really hard to concentrate when you replace a word with another word, actually. That was tough for me. So what did they actually say? That they... So they have expectations. But to have a good time. Yeah, absolutely. They don't have expectations in any particular sex act or sex at all. It's almost like they agreed with me.
Sounds like they did. Sounds like they're definitely Team Daryl. Okay, so this one's another person from Arizona, actually, Scottsdale, at ease. They said, we're at Naughty in New Orleans this year, walked across the street to Starbucks to get coffee. And this gent who wasn't part of NIN came up to me because he'd seen the badge and asked, can I ask you some questions about the convention? How many people do you think you'll get laid with while you're here?
My response was, oh, I didn't even know, maybe none or can guarantee you one thing i'm going to go out have a good time because these are the greatest people on earth to party with and i don't come here with those kinds of expectations um i would just be disappointed if i did that's an important part there um that's my real life experience of course we are hopeful but we knew we would have a good time that's basically about it so that what they're saying exactly with the kind of sentiment you know they're going there with expectations of course they are they won't have a good time um do they go there with expectations to have sex no you know are they hopeful yes okay so we've got uh thanks at ease d and tin tn d and tin tin um we do have bananas when we go to a large Bananas, we will meet a bunch of awesome, like-minded, fun people.
Everything else is a bonus. I know I'm there with my best friend and my partner and we'll have a great time no matter what happens. D and T. You're going to stick with the bananas? I'm sticking with bananas. Okay. Bananas. Okay. These are goody two-shoes. They're from California. They say, we look at it this way, an expectation is a conclusion that something will likely happen based on the information plans factors leading up to the event horizon. That's what I said before, you know, you put effort in, right? You put money in possibly as well.
The reason we don't want to go into a situation with expectations because nothing in a lifestyle is a sure thing. And sometimes the psychological, emotional and social fallout of things not going as well as can be expected can affect relationships and self-worth. So that's a good point, the fact that sometimes if you do go in and what you're expecting or you're hoping or you're striving for doesn't actually happen, you can walk away pissed off or you can walk away feeling like maybe, you know, your self-esteem's taken a bit of a hit, right? Yep.
I think that is why we say we should never have expectations. We can have hopes. We can have preferred scenarios, going into an experience, as long as we understand dreams and desires. Yep. As long as you understand that you don't get too upset at a less than desirable income. We all say it in order to avoid possible disappointments and repercussions. Thanks, Goody Two Shoes from California. I like it. Cool. So I've got CD Swing Couple 8 from New York. New York. No, they didn't sing it at all. No? No. It's just written normally. They should have missed opportunity.
I'd have to say we all have bananas to some degree. After all, we spend so much money, time, and effort to have these opportunities. When lifestylists say they don't have bananas, they're most truly referring to specific scenarios or events, especially when the opportunities to have fun, have sexy fun away from life's responsibilities are few and far between. I think it's everyone's right to have a general banana. They will have an erotic and sexual experience.
For us, the opportunity to make great new friends and have sex with each other whilst possibly being watched or watching others is always our banana. Anything else is just an added bonus. That's from C&D. That's funny. Okay. This one's from Honolulu, QE2013. This one's an interesting one. I like the fact that they're kind of giving their own opinion here and it's a bit different than the other ones. So we never understood this particular phrase because it's so clearly not the reality that we experience. Of course we have expectations.
We're swingers going through all the hunting, vetting, communicating and flirting with the expectation that it will eventually lead to sex. Call it hope if you will but that seems like it's just more semantics to make people feel better than what's actually happening.
Perhaps the better application of the phrase might be never go in with expectations that the sex is going to be great you can save that for another episode as the mythology of swingers is that sex is always amazing when the reality is it's often clunky as new acquaintances struggle to figure out each buttons for pleasure cool i like it i like the fact that they're saying it's semantics you know that they actually do have expectations of sex and they you know you know, they list all the things leading up to that, the effort that's involved, the energy that's involved, the vetting, the communicating, the shopping, the flirting, blah.
You know, yes. Okay. So Vanna J Share, we've got... Shane, I think that one is. Share. Yeah. Okay. Yep. Yep. Vanna J Share. This is not necessarily a popular opinion, but I hate it when I read profiles that talk about meeting with no bananas. I always have very high bananas. I expect I banana. People will be honest and energetic, have a positive attitude, bring their A game and know what they are hoping to achieve by meeting and be able to communicate it to us. If you're a manager or an employee, do you have expectations of your employees?
If you're a lady going to a salon and paying $100, do you have expectations? Damn it. Even if you're going to McDonald's, you have bananas. They're using the same analogy that you used about the whole steak ordering before. There you go. Yeah. It's almost like I read this up front, but I didn't. I really, really didn really didn't. So that's from Jay, and he also kindly gave us permission to use his name. Awesome. Yeah, so it's not Shane, it's Jay. Okay. This one's from Eskimo Pair.
They said, of course we have expectations, communicating with the other couple and getting a sense of what both parties' expectations and if they seem to match makes for an enjoyable date. When we finish up a date, sorry, when we are finished up date planning, we usually say something like, we're just expecting to meet you for a drink and a chat. While we've played on the first date before, it rarely happens. We prefer the second date as the play date. So that's good. They're actually saying what they do expect.
Not that we have no expectations, but here's what we expect, rather than being void of any expectations at all. Yeah, I mean, that's a fairly open promise, really, isn't it? We can turn up and you can take a shit on my face and that's okay. It's not really how it works. What? Well, you know, if you're going in with no expectations, that rules out any social grace as well. Okay. Yep. Oh, God.
expectations that rules out any social grace as well okay um yep why does it have the river running in the background as well do crickets live around rivers i think that's the only place in the world they live yes okay gotcha uh okay last but not least so this is from um seen a cricket cricket play cricket no neither. I'm curious as to why they're called that. Yeah. Why are they called cricket? We need to Google that. Now, this one's from Sex on the Fringe blog, and they said, I think expectations and hopes are different.
If someone has the expectation to do something, they might be more likely to jump into a situation where they aren't 100% comfortable with it because, A, they had expectation to play and want to tick that off the list or B, the significant other had the expectation to play and they don't want to disappoint. It's harder to walk backwards from an expectation than it is from a hope.
That's a good point too because I think that oftentimes, especially with multiple day events, like if you go to a hotel takeover or you go into Desire or things like that, I think if you go there and you want to have these experiences and then what can happen is that you know on the last second to last day of the last day you drop a lot of those uh previous maybe barriers to play and because you want to fulfill some of these expectations you'll just kind of tend to go with the flow a little bit more than perhaps you may have on day one or day two and as a result of that you might walk away feeling a bit unhappy about that decision yeah okay um the never is a statement that's problematic i think it's impossible to go into every situation with at least a hope or desire for something to happen isn't the anticipation part of the fun yeah good point good point i like it valid so it appears that you know everyone sort of backed the fact that it's grey.
Yeah, it is extraordinarily grey. Yeah. Again, though, I mean, from my side to wrap this up, I think that it is okay to have expectations that some play may occur at an event, not necessarily with specific couples. That's what I feel. You know, I'm happy to go to an event. I don't've gone to um you've gone out with couples as well expecting that and you've gone and stayed with couples and expected that as well yep so you know I hate to call you a liar but you're lying that's fair enough because you know you've had expectations in other in cases. We all have expectations.
It just depends on how we push those agendas, I suppose, in the direction of anyone else. If we don't push them, then your expectations can be set miles high, but it doesn't really matter. So do you think that the term is defunct? Do you not care? I mean, where are you at with it? Do you think people need to expand on it? Should we change the verbiage? Do we even give a fuck? Where are we at? Well, I certainly don't give a fuck. I don't care whether people put, they have no expectations when they put it in their profile or anything like that. It doesn't worry me.
You know, the only things that I, if I in a profile there's certain things certain keywords or certain things that i won't just you know i won't then bother that person anymore but expectations is not one of them i mean again back to mcdonald's you expect that mcdonald's is going to be a greasy burger and you get the same burger globally so the expectations are literally set by the company for that burger. So no, I don't really mind. I don't think it's defunct. I think it's a line of verbiage that's used in many ways, like all other language out there in the world.
Just because somebody says something doesn't mean it's communication because communication means you actually understand what they're saying.
And it's very, very rare that you say anything and somebody else actually understands what you're saying what you're communicating words unfortunately are too ugly and messy for that they don't describe things aptly enough to be to be precise enough in that regard okay thank you daryl for turning up to today's episode yet again number 103 no problem and so if you guys do want to go back and check out that other one that uh you know we never take one for the team as part of the stuff swingers say series that's episode number 85 i'll link that in the show notes and i did put a couple of new blogs and a new newsletter out too so if you guys want to go check that out or subscribe to the newsletter go on to swingingdownhunter.com and that will lead you to all of the locations.
Daryl, any other last thoughts, comments? No. Queries, surprises? No surprises. No, I didn't stick flowers under the table or anything just to surprise you with at the end. You didn't get any clown like bringing, you know, nothing like that? Nope. Okay. Sorry. Alright, so as we're going to close out this episode, one of the last questions that I will give you is one of the random questions that we're doing each episode now. Daryl, your favourite genre of music. Go. I would say probably alternate. Yeah? If I was going to pick something. Okay. That would be it.
But, yeah, it just depends on my mood. I'm very, very eclectic in my music palette for sure. Do you have a favourite band throughout, like, you know, one that you would say is your favourite definitively? I mean, obviously you've got some that you like. No, not really. Not really. I mean, I like different bands for different reasons. I like different music for different, like, you know, everything all the way through to electro pop. It just depends. What would be a band that you have stuck to the longest time listening to? Probably Blink-182 would be the longest that I've stuck to. Okay.
Yeah, just because it's angry music when I need angry music sometimes. Yeah, really? I think it's quite upbeat. Yeah, yes, absolutely. Yeah, you need to re-listen to anything Blink-182 if you think it's upbeat. I've been listening to them for years as well. Yeah. But I would probably say rock slash metal would be something that would be, I guess, the longest favourite of mine in terms of, like, the length of time, aside from everything else I listen to.
And I would probably have to say a band that I've been listening to the longest aside from Blink-182 or, like, Green Day or something would probably be Marilyn Manson, I would say. Okay. That's all. That's a little get-to-know-you corner. We're doing a get-to-know-you corner now. We're doing the random question generators every podcast, yeah. There's a random question generator? Yeah, there is. We should use that. We should take that on our phone. Is there an app that we can take out, like, you know, dinners and stuff, and we can just sit there pressing the button rather than that?
You don't need that, babe. You've got me. Yeah, good point. Good point. Yep. Just touch Kate's left nipple and she generates a random question. That's very, very true. Yep. All right, guys, it's been great talking to you. Thanks again for listening, and we hope you guys are safe, happy, well, and we'll be back again soon for the next episode. Cheers. I guess they believe they don't have expectations. That's kind of my overall thought. On sex, on having a good time, on whether or not the earth is round. Well, I mean, do we need to get into the flat earth debate?
Because I can do it if it has to happen. No, we don't. We should add that to the end of our um to our podcast actually put that in the bottom of our our catchers for people who are searching like things they can search and flat earth we could come up with flat earth that would be great i don't want to do that yeah there's like two or three hundred thousand people out there now that believe that so i mean we could be you know we could increase our listenership quite at what cost At what cost? Them listening to half an episode about, you know, they're not being a flat earth.
When somebody says to you, we don't have expectations, how do you take it? It's your fault for bringing up flat earth, just so you know. What do you think their intentions are of saying that to you? You're a shit at this. You're a shit at podcasting. Stop it. Why am I shit?
I feel like I'm being led into this is a a sheep to the slaughter here i've no idea what you're i haven't read any of this you've got this whole plan in your head this is let's go back to the episode on fantasies and how fantasies are things that happen inside your head and your fantasy right now is that i'd have this grand idea of what the response was going to be and i don't
