Cuckold is a form of NonMonogamy and under the big umbrella of NonMonogamy but what is it really?
Cuckold
In today's episode we interview the amazing Venus Cuckoldress from the Venus Cuckoldress Podcast as well as the CEO and creator of Venus Connections a match making site just for people interested in cuckold
Join us for a deeper look into the world of cuckold from people who are living the lifestyle!
After our interview with Venus we talk with Travis who identifies as a cuck, Travis takes us through how he joined the cuckold world and gives some tips for other men who want to join including how they should be approaching women
This episode is sponsored by Venus Connections
Cuckold Resources + What is Cuckolding
Below you'll find a ton of resources to learn more about Cuckolding, check out these fabulous content creators, blogs + podcasts.
Venus Cuckoldress Website https://venuscuckoldress.com/
Venus Connections https://venusconnections.com/
Use code CONNECTME31 for 30% off joining
The Health Benefits of Cuckolding https://venuscuckoldress.com/guest-post-health-benefits-of-cuckolding/
Cuckoldress Scarlet https://cuckoldressscarlet.com/
Crystal Welsh https://www.crystalwelch.com/
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Love, Peace and Respect
C&D
We are a swinging lifestyle podcast, we talk about sex, being a hotwife and non-monogamy, please ensure you are of legal age to be listening to our sexy stories.
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Transcript
you're listening to the wanderlust swingers podcast with aussie hosts kate and daryl if you're curious about exploring your sexuality or the swinging hot wiping and non-monogamous lifestyle you've definitely come to the right podcast or maybe you just love travel adventures either way we share our personal sometimes juicy sexy stories as well as swingers club and event reviews interviews with other sassy people and of course our global swinging adventures we try to bring you a look into the diverse lifestyle that the swinging and non-monogamous community has we hope you enjoy now let's get into the episode hey guys welcome back to the wanderlust swingers podcast episode 142 today and this is an interview episode that i'm really excited to bring you we are talking about cuckolding now daryl and i did an episode a little while ago 121 where we interviewed dr justin lay miller about cuckolding so if you're interested in this please do go and also head back and listen to episode 121.
I'll link it in the show notes. But today we are interviewing Venus of the Venus Cuckolders podcast, but more importantly from venusconnections.com. And we're also going to interview Travis. Travis is actually somebody who identifies as a cuck and he's going to talk to us about his lifestyle, how he got into it.
So during my my talks with Travis he gives some hints and tips and lays a smackdown on people who are interested in joining the cuckold lifestyle particularly men who are interested in joining it and how to approach women and what that means so there's some really really interesting topics in today's episode this is an interview podcast and I just want to give a shout out and a thank you again to Venus and Travis for joining us on today's episode. Venus did sponsor this episode on cuckolding, so thank you very much for that, Venus.
Really, really insightful information, and we look forward to going into Volume 2 and delving back into people who are living this lifestyle a little bit more because Daryl and I don't know a hell of a lot about cuckolding, and so one of the things that we try to do here is bring in people who live that lifestyle or who are educated in that particular topic to talk to you guys about it so if you're interested in cuckolding if you want to know more about it just interested in perhaps learning more about the other forms of non-monogamy this episode is definitely for you so hang around we hope that you enjoy it and check out all the show notes because I'm going to have a lot of other content creators in here and recommendations for more resources if you want to delve a little bit further into this.
So guys, episode 142, without taking up any more of your time, I'm going to get straight into the interview and I look forward to talking to you again soon. I'll have Daryl back and we're going to talk about a whole heap of things, including we broke our number one rule and we're're going to talk about it soon. So stay tuned. We'll see you guys soon and happy 2022. G'day everybody and welcome back. I'm actually here with a really interesting guest and someone that I'm excited to have on the show for various reasons.
But one of those is venus is an intriguing individual and if you don't know who i'm talking about i'm talking about venus of the venus cuckolding podcast and the newly launched venusconnections.com venus welcome to the show thank you so much for joining me oh thank you so much for having me i'm really excited to be here to talk about cuckolding today and aboutuckolding, I have to forewarn you and pre-warn you, if you will, that as an Australian, we're a little bit lazy with the way that we pronounce things. Sometimes I pronounce cuckolding, cockolding.
I don't mean to, but I'm just going to just throw that out there that that may happen during our talk today. So I apologize. I'm going to really try to make sure I say cuck and get that really, really flowing and out there, but super excited to talk to you about it. So let's just go ahead and get started. If you don't know who Venus is, ladies and gentlemen, let's run through a little bit about Venus. So you joined the cuck lifestyle about six years ago, I understand from your website. Tell us a little bit about your journey and where you are today. Yeah.
So I originally started in the swinging community and I was like a unicorn. So I was going out, having tons of fun, doing whatever I want, having like amazing sexual adventures. Loved it. Absolutely loved it. And I knew I wanted a relationship that was non-monogamous, but I didn't really want to have the, I guess, the constant limits, boundaries that come along with like a swinging relationship that's open on both sides. And so I was just kind of bummed that I thought, you know what, I'm not really sure if I'm going to find what I'm looking for.
I ended up matching with a guy on Tinder who told me about cuckolding and he didn't use that word. He just explained it as like, I don't want to sleep with other women, but I love the fact that you want to sleep with other men. And I was like, what? That sounds really amazing to me. so that's how I found out about cuckolding. And after that, I just, I honestly felt like a relief, like I had found what really suited who I am, and what I need and want to feel fulfilled in my life. So that's kind of how it started. And since then, I've had a few relationships, I've been dating here and there.
And it's been a real journey. It sounds like you might have actually found the unicorn. You were a unicorn yourself, but you found somebody who matched you so well and, I guess, steered you on this journey, which is incredible. And for people out there listening, this is not an uncommon fantasy, and we'll get to that a little bit later in the podcast.
But do you, side question, do you think it's important that people have some sort of other relationship or other interest in alternative forms of relationship, things like non-monogamy, swinging polyamory, before they delve into the cock-old relationship or the cock-old lifestyle? Do you think that's an important piece or can people just jump right in? I don't think that it is necessary, completely necessary to have experience with monogamy or non-monogamy in this case, in order to be open to a cuckolding relationship. But it definitely helps.
It helps to have that understanding of being able to separate sex and love, you know, the emotions that come along with sex. And so I had that the ability to do that before. So it made that transition so much easier. But it's just really important, especially for women to have an open mind about learning about that within the capacity of a loving relationship, especially. Really, really good points. And I guess for the listeners, if you aren't aware of what cuckolding is, let's maybe take a little pause. And I always like to say to people, what does things mean to you?
Because when we look at the spectrum of non-monogamy or alternative relationships, somebody's idea of what a hot wife is very different to the next person and so on and so forth. So what does it actually mean to you? What does cuckolding and being in that lifestyle mean to you? How do you approach it? Oh, there's so many flavors of cuckolding out there. But for me, I like to simplify it as much as I can. So this is understandable on a very basic kind of level. So for me, cuckolding is a gift that you give each other. And he is giving her the gift of these sexual experiences with other men.
And in turn, she is giving him the gift of being involved in some way and this gift that you give each other is very much like a feedback loop like I the more he gives me this gift the more I love him the more I involve him the more he loves me and it's just like a very powerful gift that you give each other that's really succinct like it. I like it. But I think that the key within cuckolding is that her sexual experiences with others, in addition to their sexual experiences together, is all that he needs to feel loved and fulfilled in the relationship.
So there is this real kind of characteristics of a cuckold husband or partner in that he is loyal. He is faithful. He does not want to have the same gift that he gives to her. He does not want to be sleeping with other women. And so I think that's what makes a loving cuckolding relationship unique and that it is open on one side. So I see loving cuckolding relationships as a very unique form of non-monogamy where it is open on one side. Yeah, exactly. And I guess it's not that expectation of tit for tat.
We see a lot and I guess talk to a lot of couples who may be entering the lifestyle for the first time and the whole tit for tat conversation is something that comes up frequently.
You know, well, if go and sleep with another woman then I want to go and sleep with another man or vice versa you know if I let her go and sleep with a man then then I'm going to get my my piece too if you will so I like the fact that you eloquently put it that both partners in the relationship are happy are thriving and are fulfilled they're not seeking anything additional that they're already getting what they need. So I love that. Thank you so much. Yeah. All right. Now let's talk a little bit about Venus Connections.
So I find this to be a very unique website and product that you've created, to be honest. I had a little look around the site today and I have some questions, of course, and that's what we're here to do. We're here to talk about new things that are in the sex positive realm. So let's talk about Venus Connections. When did you officially launch the site? Let's start with that. It's actually quite recently. It was in August of this year, so August 2021. And I really didn't want to create this project. It wasn't something that I set out to do.
I just was so incredibly frustrated at the fact that no one had done this. It didn't exist. It was long overdue. And I literally just got to the point where I was like, you know what? Fuck it. I'm just going to do this myself. And that is why in August, I was like, all right, I'm going to do this. I basically just decided it. And then a week later had, you know, launched this service. And I'm so glad that I have. So you're one of those random people that thrived during Corona and lockdowns and those things. You're one of those weird, weird, successful, healthy people.
We don't like those people on our show, to be honest. We like the people that drink too much and you just Netflix away. That's not true. Sorry, I'm just actually looking in a mirror at Daryl and myself there. What is the site? So we've said Venus Connections. What are the site? So we've said Venus Connections. What actually is it? Yeah. So it's a matchmaking service and it's unlike a dating app or a regular dating kind of service where you would, you know, create a profile and then start looking at other people's profiles and try to connect with them and stuff like that.
It's not like that at all. So Venus Connections is where you tell me exactly what it is that you're looking for all about who you are. I take that information and then I privately match you with someone else who's in the program. So you never, the participants in the program never actually know who else is in the program unless they actually have a virtual date together. So it's super private and it's very individualized. You said some things there that I'm going to bring up in a little bit.
You've got me percolating over here about what does the average person look for, but it's a matchmaking site for people who are seeking cuckold relationships my question is why why do we need a separate site there's a lot of sites out there that are either dating sites or matchmaking sites you just mentioned there and you know that they've been operating for a while and and they might kind of dabble in either monogamy or maybe i think even plenty of fish these days are trying to dabble in non-monogamy. Why create a site that's specific to cuckolding? What makes it different?
And I guess an add-on to that is what's wrong with the current situation? Why can't we have these people trying to seek out their partners on, I guess, quote unquote, normal dating sites for lack of a better term? So over the years, I will say I'm not, I don't think I'll ever be an expert in cuckolding because there's so much to learn and I'm constantly being fascinated by new information that I'm learning. But when it comes to dating within cuckolding, I will safely say I am now an expert. And that's based on my experience in dating in this lifestyle.
And I'll just say straight up it has entirely sucked like it's been brutal it's not it's not enjoyable whatsoever for women or men who've traditionally been dating are trying to date in a cuckolding kind of relationship up until now and it's's because we face some very unique challenges. So we have men who feel a lot of shame and embarrassment about wanting this kind of relationship. And therefore they want the utmost level of discretion and privacy.
And so this is why when I go onto a kink dating site and I look at guys who are interested in cuckolding, it's like 95% blank profiles, just blank. There's no picture. There's no information about this person. There's nothing I can know about this person. Not helpful. And then when it comes to guys who are trying to find a woman who's interested in this kind of relationship, first of all, there are very few women out there on kink dating sites who are looking for this kind of relationship.
They're just not there, never mind regular vanilla dating sites, but even on the kink dating sites, there's very few of them. And then there are unfortunately some women out there who use men, single men in this lifestyle who they think that they can use for their money or whatever and try to maybe use them or extort them or whatever. And that's really shitty. So you've got men who already don't want to give out any information about themselves, but are very hesitant of any women that they come across in order to trust them. Unfortunately, we have these very unique problems.
And I would say the biggest problem for me over the years is trying to get to know a guy is very hard when he doesn't want to tell you anything about him. But then that situation gives married men the opportunity to go and pretend that they're single online because they don't have to show who they are and they'll just waste your time like crazy. But guys who are who want this kind of relationship but are scared to actually have it, they ghost. They're up and gone and they disappear. And this is a very unique problem within cuckolding.
It's been a situation where women have come across men who will waste their time or not show up when it comes time to showing up. And then for the men, they'll come across women who they'll waste their time on.
And it's just somebody who wants, you know, them to pay the money in order to talk or meet or whatever do you find on some of those sites as well that perhaps people aren't really sure what they're looking for they're not educated around what really it means to be a cuck or what it would mean to be in a cuckold relationship i mean uh quite a few of those people just kind of throwing it out there and then you know you said they ghost maybe they ghost maybe is that, do you think it's because they, it becomes quite real, you know, the fantasy becomes real and they think I'm in too much over my head now.
Yeah, that's exactly it. And, you know, in, on those kink dating sites, what I have found is that cuckolding shows up as like a little kind of, uh, an interest within a huge umbrella of kinks.
I'll find somebody for for me the cuckolding relationship is the center of my universe so that's what I'm looking for someone else who feels in the same way and so I find that the cuckolding kind of gets lost in everything else and like excites it's like a bit much yeah that's a really really interesting point and something that i haven't really thought about before because you do find people in non-monogamous relationships who maybe dabble in a little hot wife they might dabble in a little bdsm they might dabble in a little bit of a cock hold situation but what you're saying here is that these are little add-ons whereas this is the primary this.
This is the actual building blocks of the relationship is that cock hold at its core. So that's really interesting. You've educated me on something today. I appreciate you for that. So we spoke about some of the standout differences between cock hold relationships. I want to flip it a little bit and talk about women. You mentioned women on these other sites that may not join because of the influx of being ghosted. In your experience from interviewing and talking to people, what is the average woman looking for?
And the reason I'm asking that is because I want to speak to the women who are listening to this and maybe normalize what they are looking for in that relationship. Yes. So having this matchmaking service has been fascinating for me because it's given me this very unique perspective and that I'm meeting these women who do want this kind of relationship. And I would say some of them have had this kind of relationship before, for whatever reason, it didn't work out and they want that again.
And so they are looking for something similar to what they have had in the past and but they're looking at it through a the lens of a relationship. And for the women who don't have experience in this lifestyle, this is what really gets me excited is when I see these women who are like, oh, my gosh, I I'm listening to what you're saying about this kind of relationship. And I think this interests me. I think this is what I've been looking for. And for that, I mean, it's women who, okay, I really do want a loving, adoring partner in a committed long-term relationship.
But I do want that freedom of sexual exploration. And one of the unintended benefits of this kind of relationship for women is this natural sexual empowerment that builds within them. When you have that gift that your partner gives you, it just happens where women all of a sudden begin to ask for what they want and get what they want. And so it's a very unique opportunity where as women, we get to have our cake and eat it too.
And that's why I'm like this, as long as you can understand non-monogamy in a way that is healthy and that fits who you are, this relationship can be absolutely incredible for women.
And the thing about that is too, I think that that sort of that confidence and that fits who you are this relationship can be absolutely incredible for women and the thing about that is too i think that that sort of that confidence and that freedom and that liberation flows through to so many other things too you know you spoke about women asking what they want which might be you know relating to their bedroom or their sexual desires but i think it turns out that people then ask for a raise you know ask for that job ask for that promotion ask for better living circumstances you know I really do think that I don't I don't even think we've touched the tip of the iceberg in terms of the impact that some of these non-monogamous or alternative relationships truly have on people and over the course of their their lifetime you know actually kind of making them feel a little bit more confident they can ask what they want So I love it.
I'm amped up. I feel like I can take on the world. Now on. kind of making them feel a little bit more confident they can ask what they want so I love it I'm amped up I feel like I can take on the world now on that you spoke about maybe people who women in particular but just people in general who might be interested in this but it's their first time they're they're looking into it you have a mandatory course and I really want to talk about this because this is the first time I've seen any kind of mandatory course requirements for a dating or a matchmaking service or anything like that.
What is the mandatory course requirements that you have? Can you tell us a little bit about that? Yes. So each single person has to do the course. So single men and single women both have to do the course. There's a course for each one. And you have a maximum of three weeks to finish the course. Most people finish it in one or two days, but there's a timeframe and that's important. But the reason why I wanted to do a course was a couple of things, actually. The first being that I want people to be kind of all on the same page. Okay, what is this kind of relationship that we're looking for?
And what are some of the barriers that we have encountered up until now when it comes to dating? So understanding what those barriers are, and then realizing what some of the strategies are that might help you along the way. And this is especially important for men and women because over the years, I had known that dating between men and women, we approach this so differently online that it was like frustrating because I knew it wasn't working, but I couldn't put my finger on why.
And it wasn't until I made this course that I realized there's a huge disconnect in the way single men and single women approach dating in this kind of relationship. It's a huge disconnect. And we so I was able to kind of point that out and highlight that and just say, hey, like this is how you need to approach women through the lens of a relationship and not just through porn and fantasy.
And then for the women to be very aware of this level of shame that these men carry, seems like almost all of them carry when it comes to wanting this kind of relationship and understanding how that impacts their behavior. So it's so important. That is fascinating. When I asked that question, you have just blown my mind there. So both of these courses are about the other person. It's about how to approach them and it's about the other person's shame or guilt. And that's incredible. That's a really special way of looking at things.
I don't think I've ever heard of anybody talk about it from that perspective, you know, because a lot of people, when we talk, we talk about our barriers, you know, you've had a couple of dating mishaps along the way. I have too. So we talk about some of the, you know, the garbage and the baggage that we're carrying along into things and our barriers and our issues, but infrequently do we talk about the other person? So that's a, that's. Well, the other reason why I created the course is because it is part of a process that each candidate needs to work through.
So these steps that are in place within the program, you have to fill out a very detailed questionnaire, and then you have to complete the courses, and then you have to have a one hour interview with me. And so having this in a series of steps that need to be completed within a timeframe, it actually has been great at leading out the people who are maybe not serious or not ready for this kind of relationship. And so it's been perfect for them.
I was going to say, it sounds like you can get the opportunity to vet the users before they're on the site as well, which, you know, isn't necessarily a bad thing. Now, you keep talking a lot about singles. Who do you recommend this site for? Is this only for singles?
Is it for couples where perhaps one, you know, they're already in a relationship, maybe they're interested in looking at the cuckold lifestyle and want want to find somebody for that who's the site directed at and i guess uh why yes actually i get asked that all the time it is just for single men and single women who are looking for a loving cuckolding relationship so at this time it's not for couples who are looking for a bull or looking for a lover or whatever, or the opposite. It's not for that at this time.
I mean, that would be really great, but that's a massive project that I just do not have the ability to carry through. But maybe a watch this space scenario. Pardon me? I said, perhaps it might be a watch this space scenario.
Wink, wink, nudge, nudge comingudge coming soon yes speaking about talking to users and figuring out whether they're there should be there or they shouldn't be there i noticed a bit of a bit of a boss lady mentality coming through your site and that is rules and requirements and one of them said you will get your ass kicked off the site if you don't show for an interview or don't show for a virtual date or cancel with less than 48 hours. Why do you do that? I've never seen a site say, hey, do the wrong thing and your ass hits the pavement. Yes. So unfortunately it has to be like that.
And I think this goes back to a lot of the shame that men feel around wanting this kind of relationship. It really does keep them kind of paralyzed in fear in some aspects. And so this is a huge step for them going through this program, sharing all of their information with me and trusting me with all of that and actually having the opportunity to perhaps have this as a real relationship.
They're I get it and so unfortunately it does make them behave in certain ways like not showing up for things ghosting on me and or just not completing the courses or whatever all sorts of bad behavior that I like I said is pretty rampant online when it comes to dating traditionally before this.
So I have to have these very set and firm rules in place for the members and for the women as well, because I need to know, I need to know that they're ready and committed and serious, but also the women, the single women in the program need to feel assured and that these guys are not going to ghost on them that they are who they say they are all of those kinds of things so I don't tolerate any kind of dishonesty or being untruthful on a on a questionnaire or any information that you give me I don't tolerate any that.
I don't tolerate you not being able to, you know, ask for an extension before a deadline. And I certainly don't tolerate being ghosted. Like if you don't show up for your interview with me, I'm glad you did that with me and not with the other people in the program, because I have the opportunity to just say, okay, you're not ready for this. Goodbye. Right.
Because I think so frequently people forget on the other end of these dating sites or dating apps that there is a human on the other end of the receiving on that who may have some insecurities and all of a sudden you're ghosting or, you know, it seemed all interesting and then you're not there anymore. And that can really have a tremendous impact on people's initial insecurities that are already there and just bringing them up to the surface.
So what you're telling me is basically that you're almost guaranteeing a lack of fakes and flakes, which if you look at any forums on non-monogamy or really dating in general, that is kind of people's number one pet peeve. Yeah, absolutely. And so I want to make sure that anyone who makes it through that process, especially the interview with me, that they are going to be ready for this, that they're serious and committed and that they are ready to be matched with someone else. And it's the same for women as well. Like if they don't follow the rules, they get deleted from the program as well.
And I've done that several times. I love it. I love it. It's refreshing it's refreshing as hell actually i love the mandatory course i love kicking people out if they're not serious about it because again there's humans that are actively seeking partners in this it's not just a fling you know it is something that is significantly more than that so so i love that let's talk a little bit about cuckolding before we let you go we actually had the opportunity opportunity to interview Dr. Justin Lay Miller a couple of episodes ago.
And in there, we learned that 52% of men are interested in cuck relationships and about 26% of women. Why is that in your opinion? Why are so many men interested in it? I mean, I even think that's a high number for women. Why are people interested in this from what your experience is on a personal level, but also now running this matchmaking business, you obviously have a tremendous insight amongst a ton of different people. So, yes. So I as well thought 26% of women was high. I was like, wow, there's more than I thought.
Because if you go online, if you go on these kink dating sites, there's like maybe one woman per 100 men out there. Thank you. like, wow, there's more than I thought. Because if you go online, if you go on these kink dating sites, there's like maybe one woman per 100 men out there. And so I was like, I don't think there's a lot of women. Apparently, there are women who are interested in this kind of relationship. And I wish there was more research done on this. Clearly, this is heavily driven by men.
Most cuckolding relationships start with a regular married couple where he brings it up to the wife. And so that's just, I don't know, for some reason, it's always the men who are wanting this more. And it just got me so curious about that. Like, why is that? And it wasn't until there was a physician friend of mine who wrote a piece for my blog called The Health Benefits of Cuckolding. And he actually went into detail about the biological response that happens within a man's body when he thinks about his wife sleeping with another man. And I was like, mind blown.
Apparently, there is a massive surge of hormones and testosterone that happens that creates this reaction where the guy is like incredibly turned on, incredibly turned on. But unfortunately this reaction with men is like intense and it makes them go back to, you know, thinking about this, but at the same time makes them feel kind of embarrassed about it. Like, oh my God, I shouldn't have that reaction. But I've had so many men say to me, like, when I talked to my wife about this, like we had the best sex of our life. Like, you know, I had the biggest orgasm of my life.
Like men react strongly to this idea of cuckolding. They just do. And so the fact that there's fewer women, I can kind of understand that because we don't have that same kind of hormonal reaction or we don't have that biological reaction. It's fun, it's sexy, an idea for us, but it's not in the same... We don't react in the same way. And so I think the key to having more women open to all of this is for them to really look at it from that sexual empowerment kind of angle.
And so it is fun and it is sexy, but if we do realize that, hey, we can have what we want and ask for what we want and have our cake and eat it too, then we will have more women kind of buy into this. But yeah, 26% of women, I thought, I was like, wow, that's awesome. It is awesome because I think there's probably a ton more out there. But like me, when I had my first experience with a man outside my relationship, I carried a lot of guilt both pre and post that encounter because I thought I'm biologically programmed to think, no, I shouldn't be doing this.
And there's shame and there's guilt involved more than anything. So I think sometimes as well as women, if we kind of drop that shame, drop that guilt on our own side, that we might be a little bit more open to that sexual empowerment. It just takes us a bit to get there. Yes. And I do really honestly believe that it's going to take women talking about this kind of relationship to really inspire other women to understand it in that way that you're talking about. So that article you just mentioned, the health benefits of cuckolding, I'm actually going to link that in the show notes.
So if you guys are listening and thought, I really want to go in, that seems like an interesting article. I want to read it. It's going to be linked in the show notes today so just click on down and you will find your way to the article on venus's website so thank you for mentioning that that's awesome right now let's let's wrap up today so you've launched this amazing site you're doing these mandatory courses and a one hour kind of chat with people and you're fairly new so this is august this year. So again, you're really successful during COVID and we all hate you for it.
But if you guys are interested in trying what this is, and as Venus mentioned, this is for single men and single women really looking for that special relationship, that cuckold relationship. So if you guys are interested in the show notes, I will have a link to Venus connections, head Head on over, use the code CONNECTME31, and that's going to get you 30% off the basic entry-level access, so you can try it out. And I will, again, link that in the show notes. But Venus, it's been really, really interesting.
Thank you for being so transparent about why this particular kind of matchmaking service is required, is important.
It eye-opening so thank you oh you're welcome thank you so much for having me not a problem now guys again if you guys want to find the venus cock aldress podcast that will be linked in the show notes i do heavily recommend it particularly if you are interested in this lifestyle because venus talks from her perspective but also interviews a number of people living this lifestyle so if you're interested head over and check that out and all of the website details are going to be linked again so thanks very much for listening guys thank you venus uh really interesting topic and we're going to come back and hopefully talk a little bit more about cock holding soon okay guys and welcome back i have travis on the line travis is from the united states and identifies, I believe, as a cuckold.
But hey, let's hear from Travis himself. Travis, thank you so much for joining me today. Thanks for having me. Now, I have a couple of questions for you. This episode that you're part of is going to be all about the cuckold lifestyle. Our podcast generally tends to swing to people in alternative relationships, non-monogamous relationships, polyamory, swinging open, all of those things. But there are some questions about cuckolding in particular and who better to find out the information from and perspective than somebody who identifies that.
So firstly, before we even get into any of that, can you maybe tell us what kind of a relationship you are currently in or looking for and how you actually identify so we can kind of set the scene with our listeners so currently i'm single uh divorced actually um but unrelated to any of the uh non-monogamous uh experience doing like that actually had a lot of my introduction into the cuckold scene was through uh, monogamy, polyamory. And I kind of just found that it was where I was most comfortable. So how long would you say you've been aware of this interest in this kind of a lifestyle?
Oh, for the past five years or so. Wow. Okay. So you can probably school us a fair bit. I could probably talk to you for hours and hours and just kind of hearing all the ins and outs. But my question is, do you identify as a cuck? If you were to say to somebody in swinging or in the open non-monogamous communities, oftentimes we'll say, I'm this, this is how I identify, this is what I'm interested in. If you were going to introduce yourself to somebody, would you say, I'm a cuck? How would you introduce yourself? Typically, yeah.
I'm a cuck or a submissive cuckold would be the way that I would describe it. Okay. All right. That's really interesting. And so a question then that I always like to ask people is, what does that mean to you? Because if you were to say to a swinger, if you went to a swingers club and you said to them, what does swinging mean for you? You're going to get 50 different answers or more just because people approach it so differently. So can I ask, what does it mean to you and how do you, I guess, participate in this kind of alternative lifestyle?
So I guess the way that I view it is I don't really think that for women particularly, one person can be everything that they need. I think that we are pushed into a monogamous setup as far as society is concerned. And I don't really think that it fits what we need. But for me being a cuck, it's all about her and wanting her to have the best possible experiences that she can. That's the way that I view cuckolding.
I think that it's probably one of the most giving types of relationships possible because you have literally a, let's face it, dick is abundant and in great supply, usually of poor quality. But giving a woman the ability to go out there, find what works for her and empower her sexually, to me, I've never found anything attractive, but women who are sexually empowered, dare I even say promiscuous.
That is very, really interesting because I think there is a lot of misunderstanding and we'll get to that out there about this particular way that people approach cockholding or this particular kind of lifestyle. Actually, let's talk about that now.
So if you were to say to somebody, I'm, this is my lifestyle, is my lifestyle this is how i identify and that person then turns to you what would that person generally their misunderstanding of the lifestyle what would that be how would they approach you back and ask you questions or say well what does that mean what does that look like to you well it's actually very interesting because the general misconception out there is that cucks are weak men or we're you, you know, entirely submissive, or we have these domineering, you know, partners that control every aspect.
And that's really not true. You know, I've worked construction before. Now I work in business. I build engines as a hobby and race cars. I, you know, watch football like everybody else does. I don't have any of those traditionally feminine or submissive qualities. This is just something that I really enjoy. And how did you actually, just thinking about that then, how did you find out about this then? Can I get a step back? You're in previous relationships. What did you stumble upon that made you think this is for me or I want to know more? What was that? So two things.
Previously, my partner and I, we dabbled in swinging for a little bit, my ex-wife, and that was a whole lot of fun. But I always found my attention drifting, which it's unfair to the lovely lady that I was with, but away from her while I'm doing acts upon a person to her husband doing acts upon, you know, at the time, my fiance, which I thought was just bewitching. I was entranced by it. And then after that, she went, her job required her to be out of state for almost a year. And during that time, we were apart, open relationship, and I wasn't too interested in dating at the time.
For me, casual sex, whatever, it's not really something that I'm into. I'm more about the relationship and the dynamic that builds there. But she went out and she had one hell of a time in that town. And whenever she would call me and tell me stories and everything like that, that was just awesome.
You bring up a really interesting topic because i think there are a lot of men out there and certainly even my partner when we first started swinging you talked about your attention being drawn to your partner and we talk a lot about compersion you know we talk about all these sorts of things but during sex itself you're right sometimes you are more enthralled by what's happening to your partner and I think that was something my partner realized a couple of years ago couldn't really put his finger on what that meant for him you know why am I so interested in seeing another person with my partner and sometimes what you just said there before sometimes more than you know potentially being with another person so I think it's interesting that you had that that dynamic shift when that was happening to you were you just feet straight into the puddle or were you thinking what is these what is this feeling did you did you grapple with it did you feel like it was a wrong thought or did you just kind of roll with it and think absolutely this is what i like and this is what is turning me on so i think for me most of this happened after we kind of made the jump into non-monogamy polyamory all those types of things and after that point it was yeah this guy's fucking my girlfriend wife whatever or fiance at the time and this is great i enjoy watching it there's nothing wrong with it ever since i was a little kid it's always been there's a stark division between sex and.
I've always fallen more towards the romantic love side of things as opposed to the sex side of things. So I never really had an issue with, you know, struggling with how do I feel about this? No, I was cool with it from the get go. Wow, that's good for you, because I know a lot of people out there do struggle with some of these sensations and feelings and go seeking, I guess, help and support for why am I thinking this way? Why do I feel this way? So that's, that's really positive. I love it. Really great energy from you.
Now, my question, so you mentioned you're single at the moment, you identify as a cock. So are you looking for a relationship at the present time? Are you seeking somebody to be in a relationship with where you will be their submissive cock?
And if so, how do you find these people out there in the great wide world that are interested in the same things that you are very carefully i would say that the way to find these a compatible partner in a cuckold dynamic is through communication there's lots of great places where you can you know meet people that are in you know sort of these kinky dynamics but unfortunately it seems like every cuckold dress is taken very very few of them seem to be single there's lots of great ways to find people that want this dynamic but you're mostly going to find that it's you know men who are out there not so many cuckold dresses so there's matchmaking services like Venus Connections.
I belong to that service. And I think that what she's doing is great because there's a lot of fear on both sides. There's fear of men being outed as cucks. I feel that fear is entirely misguided. And then there's also women who are generally in the dating world worried about their safety and security. So I think what she's doing is great to help bring these, you know, seeking parties together. But your normal places like FetLife or your average dating sites are probably not going to find what you're looking for there. Yeah, I was going to ask about that.
So have you been on some of those other dating sites or FetLife and, you know, had horror stories?
I mean, I know that there are the prevalence of being ghosted or just no follow-through or people like i said being concerned about their safety and security or just even that there's there's an abundance of maybe men on the site or predators that i guess women shy away from are there do you have personal horror stories on some of those other sites that that you've encountered um i i wouldn't say personal horror stories you know my experiences have been generally very good but i'm also cautious i'm very good at telling what people's motivations are and the motivations for getting into a type of relationship are very important i'm not necessarily looking for someone who's into me for you know financial gain or i want a fully functioning relationship with this being an aspect to it.
I don't want this to be the entire draw of the relationship that this person's looking for. Right. You still want that compatibility, whether it be things like board games or travel or whatever it is that is your hobbies. You still want that compatibility with that person. It's just that this is an addition, right? Absolutely.
No, that's really, really interesting actually i did actually talk to venus about venus connections and i agree with your statement that sometimes we need these niche services i think that when you go down the path of seeking something very specific when you have people that are of the same mindset immediately then i think you can kind of push that to the side a little bit and go deeper with your potential connection i think because i mean there are going to be facets of it maybe different approaches and things that you'll need to discuss and rules and boundaries and and of course those things but i think the fact that people are there together on the site you already have that i guess intrinsic connection in some way shape or form and then you've just got to get the rest of it on board right well i mean think of it like normal dating normal like normal dating.
Normal dating, obviously, well, not obviously, there are people who are asexual and, you know, aren't into physical lovemaking. You know, that's kind of a given in an adult relationship, right? You would seek an adult relationship looking, you know, for sex being an aspect of it, but it's all the rest of the things that round out what you're looking for. With cuckolding, I guess the centering goes to us maybe not having as much sex and her having sex with other people and then rounding out with the rest of what makes us human. You've said it perfectly. That's amazing.
Thank you for sharing that. I really, really appreciate that. So my next question then, what has been the best part of going through this type of relationship or this type of lifestyle for you to date over the last couple of years? What I will say is, is that for me, there's two things that I appreciate more in this type of relationship than any other type of relationship dynamic I've ever been in.
First, you know, from a sexual aspect, the reconnection with her after she has been with another man and you know people use this term reclaim i don't like it uh women aren't property like don't use it it sounds funky wait a second wait real quick travis can i get a preach i absolutely i couldn't agree with you more i know that reclaiming and that term is is commonly used in non-monogamy across the board but i i absolutely love what you said i sorry to interrupt you, but I just had to really give you some props for saying what you just said.
The reconnection whenever you get back with her is amazing. And, you know, it means different things for different people. Sometimes it's cleanup. Sometimes it's, you know, a debrief of what happened on the date or the session. You know, it might just be cuddling for some people, or maybe she might want to have sex with you. That gamut of emotions and that feeling of acceptance when she comes back to you is, for me, far and away, the best possible feeling. It's like a drug. It's a high. I want to experience it again and again.
And the really interesting thing is it's different, but it never gets old. It's the reaffirmation that no, she wants to be with me. I'm her person on all of the 87 other checklists that a person has for their partner that they want. I'm that, but she's free to have fun. And that brings me to the second point is that sense of security and that constant reaffirmation that no, maybe I'm not exactly her cup of tea in bed in the way that I can perform, but in every other aspect, I'm the person that she wants to be with.
So I think that that security and like, hey, you know, she has her freedom to do what she wants, but she always ends up back with me. And having that reaffirmed just is a fantastic feeling.
You mentioned something really interesting just then you said it it's it feels like a high and it feels like a drug now sub drop in in typical bdsm scenarios and scenes is is a real thing and and i've even experienced it in the swinging lifestyle where you you get on a high from maybe going to an event or something and then the days following you don't feel so good do you ever experience that as more of a i guess a sub cuck at all like after you've had that high do you ever feel a drop in the days following or is that a thing for you at all so i think the cuckold dynamic might invert that a little bit you know we get lots of angst and anxiety and that sort of thing either leading up to her being with another person during we can feel an entire gamut of emotions.
We can be turned on by it. We can be afraid of what's happening. There's just so much. It's almost indescribable, this energy and this angst that you can feel while you're partners with that. That's kind of the low part, the reconnection at the end. For me, at least, that's the high. That is incredibly interesting. I'm definitely going to have to talk to some more people about that. The next time I see people, I feel sorry for the next person who identifies as a cuck that comes face to face with me because it's probably going to be a long coffee session and discussing all of that goodies.
So Travis, you mentioned before that there are a lot or a plethora of cucks out there who might be interested in this kind of a lifestyle, but maybe less cuckoldresses out there to go around, or even just maybe that women might not feel safe and secure. You mentioned about the sites earlier. How could we, I mean, I know that, you know, we're trying to save the world here, but how could we maybe change some of that, the way that people are approaching this, change the taboo a bit, maybe get more women interested in feeling safe and secure?
Is there ways that you and I can do it, or maybe just people out there that are in this lifestyle, how they can help? Well, I think first off, it's a very intimidating space for women. First off, you're being asked to eschew monogamy, which society crams on your throat, but we'll move past that. The messaging and all of the porn, the fantasy out there, it's all driven by men.
And this is one of the things where us guys need to step off the accelerator a little bit and let women's voices in this space be heard better and to have real conversations about this relationship dynamic and not just delve into fantasy.
Let's talk about the other benefits because a lot of cucks that i see are trying to top from the bottom and that's not how this dynamic works this dynamic is entirely about her and i think the more that that message gets out that this really is to quote one of venus's trademark lines the ability for her to have her cake and eat it too if we push that message out there more it's going to allow more women to find this space and not be immediately repulsed by the ridiculous fantasy and porn that cucks and men tend to typically retweet reblog whatever and move into what this relationship dynamic is which is about empowering women i think beyond that i've seen many instances of, particularly on Twitter of cucks just being creepy dudes, like she's either into you or she's not.
And moving past that and just understanding that, you know, there probably is someone out there for you, but tone it down with all of the fantasy and cuck talk and learn to connect, you know, with these wonderful women that are out there as people and don't you know create an uncontrolled fetish or hyper sexualization of you know what is a loving caring lifestyle you mentioned a term there you said that they're trying to i think it's a top from the bottom so if i can break that down a bit just i just want to make sure I've got the right understanding and also for the listeners out there I'll play a scenario out in your head so what you're saying is say you've got a relationship already it's an existing relationship the the male part of the relationship identifies that he wants to be a cuck but he starts pushing his female counterpart or female partner into this and wants to control like is saying to her you know he's got these fantasies but instead of kind of letting it organically happen letting it be about her he's trying to almost force her into the situation or control it or i guess create that story is is that what you mean by topping from the bottom definitely okay um it's it's really something that i just find it funny that we want this dynamic as cucks where we want her to have all the freedom in the world, but we want to show up with a checklist of things.
Nope. Have to do this. Has to be black guys. Guy has to have a giant dick. All these things that like, no, this is about her and empowering her to live her best sexual life and have you as a partner and companion. Thank you for explaining that. I've never heard that before. That makes a lot of sense now that you're saying that makes a lot of sense that you're now talking to me about that. So thank you so much. As we kind of get ready to wrap up here, Travis, and I really thank you for your time. When you started being interested in this kind of lifestyle, how did you find out about it?
Did you perhaps have any recommendations or resources for people that are out there listening that may have had that same sensation? They might have been in a swinging scenario and their focus is drawn a lot to their partner and they're thinking about what are these feelings? Maybe I'm a cock. Did you have any recommendations or resources for those people? So previously, kind of figuring out your own feelings and what may or may not turn you on about this, if you want to call it a kink lifestyle, whatever, was Tumblr. But RIP Tumblr, that's kind of gone.
Twitter is kind of a post-apocalyptic hellscape right now with all of the different imaging that's coming out from – there's a lot of negative stuff out there about cuckolds. There's a lot of porn out there with negative connotations to cuckolding there's lots of captions out there with negative connotations so i would say avoid that for anything more than you know manual relief let's just say that but for true resources if you're actually interested in this there are a couple people that you can follow on twitter you've interviewed her for this episode. Venus is fantastic.
Her podcast is amazing, without any question amazing. There's also Mr. Scarlet that's out there. Crystal Welch also has some great, great resources available on her blog. But those are, I would say that if you're a man looking to get into this, your best bet is to find the opinions and views of women who are in this lifestyle rather than all of the porn and fantasy that's developed by other men who are either part of this lifestyle or that want to become part of this lifestyle. So I would say that that's my advice. Those are some great resources.
And if you are listening to this, those three resources mentioned will be in the show notes today. So please go and have a look. And I guess, as you mentioned, Travis, these resources are not just for men out there, but definitely, you know, we want more, as you said, coccaldress. We want more coccaldress out there in the lifestyle. So if you're a female and you're interested in this as well, I think those are also great resources. And, and I couldn't agree more with the Venus podcast as well.
I think that she definitely opens up an interesting dynamic and very articulately about the lifestyle. And obviously she's very passionate about it too. So that's kudos for Venus on the podcast there. But Travis, I really appreciate all of your time. Thank you very much for opening up and sharing a little bit about who you are and your approach to this lifestyle. You've been fantastic. Really appreciate all of your time. You're most welcome. This was wonderful. Glad that I could be a part of it. Thank you for having me.
