Welcome to a bonus episode from Swinging Downunder, this episode is devoted to the Ladies of Lifestyle (LOL)
Hey friends,
In this episode we're invited to talk with Average Swingers and 3 other fantastic ladies all about being a lady in the swinging lifestyle
This is a 2 part podcast; the first will be aired here on Swinging Downunder Podcast and the second will be over on the Average Swingers Podcast
In this episode we cover the topic of female performance in the bedroom, ladies who appear to be sex goddess's with multiple orgasm's and loud (OTT?) moans. We pull apart how to manage the situation from both sides May 2020 in Miami
Naughty In Nawlins, July 2020 in New Orleans
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Transcript
Speaker1: You're listening to Swinging Down Under, a podcast about the swinging, non-monogamous lifestyle from two crazy Australians with over four years of lifestyle antics to keep you entertained, informed, angry, happy, and horny. Join our international swinging adventures. G'day everyone and welcome to Swinging Down Under podcast. This is a bonus episode, Ladies of the Lifestyle. This is the third series of the Ladies of the Lifestyle podcast and the first segment in the third series. So you'll hear the first half of this podcast released on our podcast and you'll hear the second half. You need to carry on this conversation over on the Average Swingers podcast. They will release roughly about a week after we release on our podcast at swinging down under so what you're going to hear about in today's episode are two topics the first is all about people performance specifically women's performance loud orgasms multiple orgasms in group play settings and how that might make you feel as a woman and the second segment over on the average swingers podcast is all about attraction and picking people that are attractive for you and your partner so some great conversation uh there's a little bonus at the end of this uh first uh segment and we talk a little bit about feminism this was not part of the original ladies of the lifestyle podcast but it was picked up as some extra outtake audio and we decided to include it because we think it's actually really funny. A little bit about this particular conversation, it comes from Eliza, the comedian that talks about feminism a lot. So we've included some clips in here to help you, I guess, frame why we start talking about feminism randomly on the podcast. So a group of four ladies, thanks again to Angie from The Average Swingers for allowing me to come on the ladies of the lifestyle podcast for bringing this up and for sharing this all amongst the entire community now as i mentioned this is the third series so there are two others that have already been released on various other podcasts out there including swinger diaries obviously average swingers you've had two or more to tango in their various other podcasts so go and seek them out i'm going to drop some links into the show notes today for those episodes otherwise jump over to the average swingers podcast as well so thanks for listening guys we hope you enjoy this conversation ladies of the lifestyle and we hope you enjoy the outtakes and a bit of fun there at the end with the feminism comments so cheers everybody have a great day so i'm angie i'm leslie i'm natalie as is kate jessica all right and that's it this is your ladies for the night all right guys so thanks for joining us so we've got ladies of the lifestyle lol everybody just give angie another round of applause for that one um brandon here yeah today's best topic this one actually from a listener, and I think it's a really good one to discuss. I don't know if this has happened to you before, if you've experienced it, but if you have or you haven't, I think you can all add in some flavor to how you might deal with it anyway. But it's about when you're in a play scenario, either just two couples together or having a threesome. You could be in a club, you could be in a playroom playroom wherever you are and you've got a lady who's in the room and she's putting on a huge like display and she's really over the top and she's having multiple orgasm and she's screaming really loudly she looks like she's having a fucking amazing time and then maybe it takes you a little bit longer to get to an orgasm or maybe the person's not able to get you there sexually or maybe you struggle to actually orgasm at all and you know how does that how does that make you feel have you experienced are you talking about doing in a group room setting like at a it can be or even just two on two you know if daryl and i were with another couple and she's over there having like a looks like a good old time and she's having like multiple orgasms time after time after time again and then i'm over in the corner knitting a sweater yeah okay so in any essentially any setting yeah it can be in any setting and like have you experienced it and how did it make you feel how did you deal with it you know what would your advice be well jessica's kind of loud so she she could give it from now i'm sorry okay that's no that. Okay. Well, that's a good perspective. Like, are you aware of it? Somebody put a dick in her mouth, a pillow in her face. I honestly am not aware of it because even if I'm told, Jessica, tone it down, be quiet, and then I try at first, and then I just go back to where I was, and I'm like, and I guess I just don't, I don't realize. It's like, I feel, it's like like you're exciting. Well, I'm in my own world, you know, it's like nobody else is around me. I'm just, you're not in a group setting in your mind. No, right. I'm just in my own element and I'm feeling what I'm feeling and enjoying what I'm enjoying. And I don't really give a shit about what's going on with everybody. I apologize because I know that can be distracting because, I mean, and from the other side, yes, it's distracting. Because when you hear, like, okay, for example, one time, we were at a house party. Brandon and I. Story time. Sleeper time. We, you know, didn't find any couples we were interested in so we were in a room by ourselves and having our own fun well then this other couple comes in and they use the air mattress on the floor there was a mattress on the floor or something and they come in and then it's just like bam and she's like screaming and he's like screaming and she's like hire her and like they're just like it's really getting wild and i'm just like okay i i can't even concentrate anymore like i can't even focus on us anymore you know so i you know you experience it both ways right right so i apologize when i'm on that, because when I'm on the side where I'm being, I do, but it's also, I've found hard for me to control it. Oh, it's natural. So it would feel, it would feel unnatural for you if you stopped it. Like that, you slowing it down would actually be putting on a show. You know, and I've done that and I, and I can do it. Um, or if you're there with us, someone a pillow over her face yeah someone stick a sock in her mouth someone put a pillow or someone just kill her i don't know at one point it was someone stick a dick in her mouth well because we were fixing to get kicked out of a hotel because there was like 10 people in there yes and and jessica was allowed security came up and you thought we were being murdered no we were just being too loud they had complaints well they knew they were like come up here again y'all out you know we're just like that's when it's put a pillow on our face or we're gonna go to the other room or stick a dick in her mouth or whatever the hell we were talking about something to keep the the tones down i know so how do you deal with it did you get up and leave the room when they got loud and you were uncomfortable we no we we kind of just kept on at first and then you got to then it's like we just stopped and then just like they were kind of like and then i was like okay let's just i gotta get we gotta get out of here so you just ready to go oh okay if that wasn't brendan so you were playing with your own partner if that if that wasn't your partner and say you were in a i don't know room with say six people and you Thank you. I'm ready to go. If that wasn't Brendan, so you were playing with your own partner, if that wasn't your partner and say you were in a room with, say, six people and you were with a different man who you haven't been with before and, you know, when you're exploring somebody for the first time, it can be quite challenging sometimes to figure out what they like and so I think it requires a little bit of extra time. You've really got to concentrate on what's going on. If you'd have been with a different person and that couple were in the room with the slamming and the fucking and the craziness would you have been able to orgasm with that other dude and what would you have done in that scenario where it wasn't just you and brennan waiting to say let's go you know i i can say i could not have i don't think i could i mean you just leave it's hard for me to work out in any way with somebody else. I don't know that I... A handful, maybe. I mean, yeah. I mean, it's tough for me. Do you ladies have any perspective? Well, I'm kind of on her side on, like, you know, you're in your own world. And so you really don't realize how loud or, like, how much you're going at it or whatever. So you're the screamer too. A little bit. Well, and then you've got some people who, you know, guys will complain, oh, she just laid there like a sack of rocks, you know, like. But enjoy it. But I want, I mean. I'm enjoying myself. It's just an automatic, yeah. I'm enjoying what's going on. It's like an automatic thing that just starts. And I'm just, I don't know. So once you're in there and it's hard to get out of it, Thank you. it's just an automatic yeah it's like an automatic thing that just starts and i'm just i don't know so once you're in there and it's hard to get out of it um when you get out of it when you do because you will eventually when you get out of that mood of being loud or noisy or whatever do you look around and go there's nobody in here it was a room of 10 and now they're all gone how do you feel about about that? I don't think that's happened to me. No, so, okay.
Speaker2:
I don't think.
Speaker1:
I was wondering, so, like, I would have got up out of the room if it was for me and another person. I mean, where the hell were you all going to go in the hotel room? You guys had no... I'm not talking about just a hotel. We were all sharing the freaking room.
Speaker2:
I know, I know.
Speaker1:
But, no, I think if it was me and I would have felt bad, I would have felt bad because I made everybody uncomfortable and only for one, only for a minute though, because I was enjoying myself. And at some point it does need to be about you and your enjoyment. So, um, I, I wouldn't like it, but I could understand it, you know, at the time, you know, like you don't, you you know you don't feel like you're making other people uncomfortable like no no i'm talking about like after the fact after after the fact yeah yeah i wouldn't i wouldn't change anything of what i'm doing in the group setting i would just i would just might like it's where you're at to hand out earplugs yeah okay that's true because when're. Because if you're in a club or whatever and, you know, they have all the beds there, you hear everything. That's true. That is true. And you know what you're there for. That's true. So it really doesn't. Because at home, like, let's just say. You can't be loud. That kids are there. Yeah. You know. Air quotes. I know we can see. Thanks, Jess. Air quotes. Kids the kids are there. And all you hear is, ee,'s not getting there so she feels shame in the fact that hey you know there's this person over there who's having an amazing time and here i am and you know maybe i'm not as good or as whatever and so i don't know like for me i'm someone that's in my head all the time yeah so is she so that's why all the time like even last night like just like i'm meeting some of you guys for the first time when i walked into the club club, I had my drink in my hand. I kept fidgeting with my straws. My husband's like, what are you doing? I don't know what to do with my hands. I don't know what I'm doing. And he's like, you're fine. Just relax. Like, sometimes you just have to take that moment and realize you're doing you. Be yourself and be confident in who you are and what you're doing. Yeah there's no shame in any of it at all yeah and even if someone's being a lot like my husband and I we play in the same room all the time like uh he was on like I had a situation where this woman was crazy loud like exactly what you guys were depicting and they're over in the corner together and I'm like guys kind guys kind of didn't know what he was fumbling around and really know what he's doing. But for me hearing like in my situation, my husband was with her. So I was like, Oh yeah, baby. Yeah. And hearing him do that for her, I was like, that's what I do every day. Yeah. Okay. So i think what you i understand and i agree with all y'all um there's nothing wrong with her not being that loud and that aggressive because her that guy she's with probably doesn't get that and he's probably not upset with it at all it's just something different that's why we're in the lifestyle we not, we don't want the same thing over and over again. We want diversity. Yeah. So, um, I think for her, continue to be yourself. Don't feel shamed. It's like you're the 300 pound chick walking in on a supermodel, you know, whatever. Don't feel ashamed. Be you, be happy and be, and just be proud of yourself. And don't, don't let other people change you. And don't don't be yeah don't try to be like yeah yeah you know because that's just not naturally you know so and then it becomes a a screaming match and well and that's just silly yeah but but also she should tell her partner or whoever she's happening to be playing with at the time listen just to let you know i'm not a very loud obnoxious kind of quiet sexual you know that's gonna be my next question and just because and just because i'm not loud doesn't mean i'm not enjoying it and i usually will do this this is how you'll know and you know i think it all and pretty much everything comes down to communication too because everything does because she's just like laying there letting them like and and she's and she's just listening she's just like laying there like okay that's kind of on her it's not on the other feet and that's that's the next thing i was going to mention i think with that too you know you're saying that that's on her and she you know she should take ownership of that and she needs to take responsibility for that and and own her own journey yeah i think with that then what would be helpful for somebody who's in that situation is to be more aware of what's going to maybe help them get there so an example of that is sometimes um you know uh impairing some of your some of the stimulus that's coming into you so for example if if you're a person who needs to orgasm with your eyes closed, you know, you can let your partner know and say, Hey, I'm going to go into myself right now. I'm going to close my eyes. I'm like, whatever, put a pillow over my head. I'm going to, you know, I'm going to do something else that lets me actually get in that moment, like what you were saying and enjoy this. And I think, yeah, there isn't a level of ownership to that um where she needs to understand what some of the triggers that is going to be helpful and what some of the triggers that are going to hinder her experience and then and then manage them appropriately so so you're looking for triggers or helpful hints helpful hints okay um i guess my first uh my first uh, something to, to tell you to try, um, is if you are consistently seeing yourself in the same situation where you are the quietest person there and you can't get past the noise, whether it's sexy noise or whatever, you can't get past it to enjoy yourself try earplugs i mean do something physical sometimes it's not a mindset it's it's in your head i mean literally in your head it's noise so try earplugs or try something else that you know or or tell you know whoever you're with i'm not a loud person can you come closer to me like closer face to face and be more intimate that way instead of an L-shaped sex, be more of a, I don't know, horizontal sex, missionary, not necessarily missionary, but you know what I'm saying? Like just be closer with that person you're with physically. What about the option of say a separate room? Well, some, for some people that's just a couple, a couple, that is the couple's's rules it's not a single person rules right but that may be a conversation you might be able to have though with your spouse to say listen i'm having a really hard time that's true and this is nothing to do with you yeah and i think i would be more comfortable if i was in another you you know, room, maybe where I can hear you, but not hear you. I don't know. And then talk about it afterwards. But it can open up another, you know, line of communication between you and your spouse to see what's going to work better. What's going to work? How can you compromise, come to a compromise as to what's going to work better for each of you?. Right. Okay. Yeah. Mine would be, uh, definitely closing your eyes. So I get lost in my own like imagination and everything. And I mean, yeah, like this one time we were, uh, basically it just turned into an orgy, but like, yeah, but I figured like I closed my eyes. I don't know if it's my husband's cock if it's somebody else's like I'm just in there in the moment enjoying it and then it was so much easier for me to like enjoy myself and enjoy the setting and trying to get there faster I wasn't really worried about what she was doing or what he was doing and all the different like noises or whatever. I'm just focused on me. And this is great because I'm like, I don't know who is who. I just know I'm feeling awesome right now. And so sometimes like it really does just help to try to like have some of those meditation techniques and just close your eyes, let your imagination kind of let your body guide into what you feel is right. Honestly, for me, it's just, like, I don't like when I lose control of things. And the one thing I can control is, like, my breathing and kind of where my mental state is. So sometimes if I'm overwhelmed by something that's going on in the room, I just like, like focus in on my breathing and kind of where my mental state is so sometimes if i'm overwhelmed by something that's going on in the room i just like like focus in on my breathing and kind of go yoga sex yoga it would be fun you're gonna have to show us saying like really just being aware of of yourself i mean i know that's just easy for me to say on you know your living room floor but floor, but it does take, I mean, it takes that for me to orgasm anyway, you know, for somebody to get to actually give me oral and actually have me come from that. It is a whole, it's a whole thing, you know, and I do my best with owning my orgasm and I do my best with explaining what is going to get me there, but it's like a 30% hit rate on the lifestyle. And so to do that, though, I have to close my eyes. I have to really be well aware of myself, make sure I'm aware of the sensation. And so I think that's probably the biggest thing. I think, yeah, going to another room, depending on your relationship could be possible. But the difficulty in that one is that if you don't know that girl's a screamer and you're in a hotel room yeah how are you gonna you know you don't know until you're in there and she's you know being very loud so normally they wouldn't vocalize I'm a loud person yeah and maybe they do and actually you know going back to that communication thing maybe that's a good conversation starter you know like hey I'm actually quite quiet not to just the person that you're with but to the other person in the room I well i mean but even if it didn't you know work out that time to discuss it at the time you know you know for next time maybe if you have a conversation and then like or is there is it a pattern so because it could be something that her partner is relaying i really like it loud you know and if that's the case then maybe it's something that she could work on and learn to just be a little bit more not as loud yeah but learn to use her vocal cords to show um you know her emotions or her enjoyment of what's going on so maybe he kind of likes that too and is okay with it or you know so that's another line of communication to work on and I think definitely working on um, you know, your own feelings. So not just the actual sensation of the act itself, but not feeling shame and that side of your experience as well. And understanding that, hey, yeah, we all are very different physically, you know, intelligence, emotionally, whatever. You know, and I think that's just another version of that. Again, it's easy to say sitting on the floor on the microphone, but harder to actually act out in reality. But it is important, I think, that people walk into a situation and feel their best. And definitely, too, understanding what's going to put you in that mindset ahead of time to make yourself feel happy, feel healthy, feel attractive, feel sexy. And enjoy it. Yeah. Just really enjoy it. Find a way to enjoy it, whether it's meditation, whether it's earplugs, whether it's separate rooms or, you know, closing your eyes. Find a way to enjoy what you're doing. Don't just be doing it. But also going into it, don't have that anticipation that, oh, God, this is probably going to happen again. Or, you know, don't have any type of negative anticipation because that's already going to put you in a down mood. Right. I mean, yeah. And then another thing I would have to add is that this lifestyle is so nonjudgmental, like so nonjudging. So like, I feel like you should not have to feel any kind of shame in this lifestyle because there are so many people out there and all you really have to do is just say something. Right, right. And most people in this lifestyle are very welcoming to anything you have to say. They're not going to be accommodating. It's like, you know what? Okay, that's cool. Fine. Whatever. It's cool. Yeah. You know? I mean, they're not going to sit there and be like what you know i mean most people so then those that do that you don't want to be with them yeah you don't want to hang out with those people anyway run the other way i don't care how i check but you know with this topic i'll also say that i have met guys that don't like loud women right it distracts them true so because there's a lot of pressure on them already like and they just get into it right so there's a lot of guys that just don't they just don't they'd be the first one that's not what that's not what yeah i mean ball gag got it jessica do you have a ball gag in your go bag you probably should I wish you would have seen that face no no one's gonna gag I'm gonna shut my ass up no she had that face of fuck you but good point do you want to get a dream refill and move on to topic two sure we can segue All right.
Speaker3:
Bye.
Speaker1:
Bye. fuck you but good point do you want to get a dream refill and move on to topic two so we all walk around and all we're doing is blaming other women for our own insecurities and all of a sudden everyone's shaming everyone by sharing an opinion that you fought so valiantly to get to exercise you're shaming her you're shaming her i'm not she fucked up my coffee order I'm a real feminist I judge you on the asshole that you are we go from there that's what it should be okay that's what it should be you liking another woman should not be mandated that's not feminism that's communism okay this idea that just because she showed up I supposed to have this abundant love. I can promise you this as a feminist. I'm excited you showed up. I'm excited you're capable. I do not hate you because you're younger than me or prettier than me or successful. However, you showed up and so did I. So let's get it started because life's a competition. Like, let's do it that way. Okay. let you do your thing over there and i respect you yeah i i i i respect you and i accept you i just i don't agree with you don't want to yeah so i mean yeah i don't know and i and i i think that women out there in general if you're willing to stand up for yourself and what you believe in i you already have my respect because it takes a lot of balls right yeah it's and and to be out outspoken now don't be forceful about being outspoken but just being outspoken that's one of the things that gets me though is like oh cut like one of my friends back home in particular she's very sure of herself and she sticks up for all the things she believes in which is great greg is his own person yeah yeah as all of dudes that are here and he'll say like and sometimes he'll say things that are extremely ignorant yeah that's because it's not because he's trying to be rude because he doesn't know right and or ignorance is unknown yeah and my my friend back home would jump down his throat about it yeah for saying things the wrong way or using the wrong words or whatever and he's like dude i'm just talking feminism like oh basically that's the easiest way to say it's feminism but i i mean jay does some things yeah jay does some things i'm like yeah you probably should not put it like that you're leaving yourself closed-minded to a perspective that a lot of people will have different, you know, there's so many avenues. You're talking about closing down the street. You're talking about a cul-de-sac where they're trying to open it up into, like, a roundabout. You know, they're trying to make it where everybody has access to, and you're already shutting it down. You have to be open to it, you know. Just find something that works for both of you of you and if you agree to disagree agree to disagree it's okay and that's my point right and that's what that thing was saying it's like i can respect you and i can love you and i can be like yes bring it and like let's all go out together and like fucking own it also just because we have a difference of opinion doesn't mean i need to fucking hate you and i think a lot of women do now it's like we all want to be heard and you know like me too movement's really important and everything else but it's like the minute a woman disagrees with you it's like you fucking hate her and you want to die as opposed to just being like that's not me though that's never been me and i but i see what you're saying because i have seen i have seen women like that and those women i generally i generally take myself out of that out of that scenario that situation, out of that completely. If I hate it or not, I mean, it just wouldn't work. I don't take myself completely out of it because I would not. You hate mine, but we love to. I don't think we're ever going to find a common ground. And I don't think we're ever going to agree on anything. And I don't think we can be friends because this is how far you are. And this is where I'm willing to go yeah so if you're gonna be an extremist i don't need to yeah yeah and i don't feel that well when i don't feel that i think that's a lot strongly about it yeah a lot of the conflict and when it makes it uncomfortable to even be around that person just don't be around that person yeah because there's nothing nothing you can say or do that's going to make them happy they just want to debate with you but um no so yeah you just leave it alone you don't talk about it you just let it go we are the most heard the loudest in our message the most unified however with this newfound sense of feminism i have noticed that there's this weird splinter faction of feminists of women who get angry at other women when they deign to disagree with an opinion and then it's not enough to agree to disagree they want you fucking dead i am talking drawn and quartered in a twitter town square if you're looking for more ways to interact with swinging down under you can catch us on twitter at swing down under you can also catch us on instagram swinging down under or head over to our website swingingdownunder.com we would absolutely love to hear from you so if you would like to send us an email jump online do it at cnd at swingingdownunder.com if you've got podcast topics questions you want to talk about your journey you can also support the podcast through our website by clicking through on any of the affiliate links or alternatively through jumping over to patreon.com forward slash swinging down under and sponsoring the podcast if you can't do any of those things but just want to make a feel good day leave us a five-star review cheers everyone and thank you again for supporting swinging down under podcast
