Send us Fan MailThe Swing Nation PodcastLifestyle Interview: Open Love with John and Jackie | Episode 41 In this swinger podcast episode, Dan and Lacy talk all things lifestyle with John and Jackie Melfie, hosts and creators of Open Love 101. Together they are the driving force behind Colette Clubs as well as pioneers in the swinger community. Hear their story of how they started, where they are now, and what they see in the future of OpenLove101! OpenLove101 with John and Jackie _______________- The Swing Nation -Main WebsiteQuick Navigation Website: -- (Find all our social media links more!)Follow us on Facebook!The Podcast Website_______________ - Swinger Society -Our Website to meet, connect eventsSwinger Society DiscordOur Facebook Group_______________ - Swinger Websites -SDCUsername: TheSwingNation** Use code 36313 for 14 days free! **SLSUsername: NorthernGuynSouthernGirl_______________ - Merch More -The Swing Nation MerchThe Swinger Pride FlagsSwinger Society Merch_______________ - Lacy’s Fun Links -VIP OnlyFansPREMIUM OnlyFans_______________ -- THANK YOU TO OUR SPONSORS --Shameless Care: ED Medication and at home STD testingUse Code TSN at checkout for $30 off your order!Promescent® Make Love Longer, It’s Time for Great SexUse Code SwingNation for 5% off!Pinaq Liqueur; The Official Drink of The Swing NationUse Code TSN at checkout for 15% off!Non-monogamy Couples Course and Single Guy Mastery CourseUse Code ATLANTA for 50% off!Support the show- Thank you for the support! -
Transcript
This podcast is intended for adult audiences. Over the age of 18, it contains adult language and situations. The views, thoughts, and opinions expressed in this podcast belong solely to us, and not of any employer, organization, committee, or other group or individuals. This podcast is not intended to be taken as professional advice.
welcome to the swing nation podcast a podcast by swingers for swingers where we look to educate others and push back on the negative stigmas and misconceptions associated with our lifestyle come with us and share our pineapple journey as we travel the globe interview the experts learn and grow together join the nation so lacy people are asking how do they get to go to a party or an event with us they check out swingersociety.net you create a profile profile, you sign up for an event, and you come hang out with us. It's super easy. That's right.
If you want to party with us and the other faces and names that you know from social media and TikTok, head on over to swingersociety.net. Can't wait to see you there. Lacey, we get approached by couples all the time and they want to know, like, where can they learn the one-on-ones of non-monogamy? Yeah, I totally get it. You want to get in the lifestyle, but you just don't know where to start. We recommend Sex by Sue's class on non-monogamy. She really helps couples learn how to communicate and do the lifestyle the correct way.
Yeah, I think this lifestyle, you know, it's crucial not to step on the landmines that a lot of us do. Yeah. And you kind of learn the hard way, you know. So having a class that you can take online, you know, in the privacy of your own home and kind of learn the ins and outs, learn, you know, how to approach the lifestyle, how to communicate with your partner about it. You know, I think it's something worth taking and we highly recommend it. Yeah. So click below in the show notes. You'll find this link for that course.
it out guys bye hey there pineapple people and welcome to the swing nation podcast we are your hosts northern. And Southern Girl. And we're here today sitting down with some special guests. Well, sitting down via the internet with some people you guys probably know. Kind of legends within the Swinger community. John and Jackie. Welcome, guys. Hey. Hey, guys. Thanks for having us. Thanks for joining us. So if anybody doesn't know John and Jackie, they are the owners of Colette Lifestyle Clubs, which are swinger clubs kind of located in Texas and in New Orleans, right? That's right.
And they've been kind of, I guess, the face of the lifestyle for a while now. And I think the best place to start with you guys is if you could just kind of give us a little bit of who you guys are, how you got started in the lifestyle, and kind of how you came to be where you're at now. We would appreciate that. well i think for for myself, I didn't know what I would label myself as at the time, but probably since I was 18, I've been in the lifestyle. I just didn't call it that back then. I got into the nightclub business in my mid-20s, just regular vanilla nightclubs.
And then I took a trip to Amsterdam, went to a swingers club there and thought, ah, this would be a great concept to have in the States. And it also helped me realize who I was as a person. So, uh, I took one of the nights, a slower night at my club in Atlanta and converted it into a, uh, uh, we made it a Kama Sutra night. We had mattresses on the floor. We would close the doors. I had a liquor license. We had to be careful about selling liquor with nudity. And, and that was really my first foray into the swinger club industry.
And then, uh, I opened my first true swingers club in Tampa back in 99, 2000. It was called Taboo. It ended up with a lot. The city didn't want it there, so we ended up fighting the city for some time and weren't able to keep that open. And during that fight is when I opened Colette in New Orleans. So Colette in New Orleans has been open now 22 years and still going strong, doing really well. And then Jackie and I, I was in the process of opening a club in Dallas Let's look. Wow. That's awesome.
Yeah yeah and so when you started you said you know transferring from vanilla clubs to to lifestyle clubs and obviously you're saying you got closed down in Florida so like I guess back then there was a lot of pushback the community didn't like it there was the stigma like how what was that like i don't know that it's necessarily changed i mean i think there's still pushback and some when someone decides they don't want it there uh it definitely at that time it was extremely stressful because they used the swAT team to come in and raid the club and zip-tied people, couples that were married.
They had enacted a new ordinance in Tampa at the time that was designed for strip clubs. It was the six-foot rule, and you weren't allowed to be within six feet of another human being if either one of the parties was naked. So that would keep the dancers that were nude away from the customer. Well, they charged one of our married couples with violating the six-foot rule because she was topless and she was near her husband. It was just crazy. Oh, wow. That is crazy. At the same time, we were having an off-premise event at a big hotel there in Tampa, and they didn't want that to go on either.
So they asked the hotel to pull our contract, and the hotel refused because, I mean, it was like the day of they were requesting this.
So since hotel wouldn't pull it they sent undercovers in and they charged people with uh that were just dancing fully clothed they charged them with simulating sex on the dance floor which I didn't even know that was a law yeah and this was 20 years ago that's what you said yeah it was in 2000 yeah yeah wow i'm pretty sure that law is still in the books i just don't think they enforce it yeah yeah so and we haven't had that issue in new orleans uh new orleans has been very open to us being there and are very supportive of us and uh and really all things in the lifestyle you know we were involved jack and i are involved there with a convention every year called Naughty New Orleans.
It's coming up soon in July, I think this year. Yeah, we're going to be there. We've actually, Dan and I have actually been to Colette's in New Orleans. That's the only Colette's as of now that we've been to and we had a great time. Oh, that's good to hear. Yeah, it's great.
Yeah, it's a good time time and so during that uh we'll have a big parade and uh that's supported by the city of new orleans with you know it's police escorted and this year it's taking a little it's taking a different route than it normally does uh more like a regular parade route for mardi gras and it should be a lot of fun so we're looking forward to that but i and then here in Texas you know I started opening my clubs here in Texas and we've had some issues here um with uh the really more of the state comptroller aspect of things and um you know on a local level a little bit but they haven't really been that big of a deal and And we fought through them and our clubs are all still open.
So, yeah. And so you guys have kind of become, um, I guess it's spokes spokesperson for the lifestyle. Uh, you've been on CNN, you've been on ABC news. Um, what's like, what's that like kind of being in a lot of ways that the spokespeople for the lifestyle and, and, you know, speaking up and answering a lot of the questions that are out there. I think we really got that rule because no one else is out. Most people in the lifestyle don't want anyone to know they're, uh, they're in the lifestyle.
So, uh, you know, I've been out for a long time and when Jackie and I got together, she didn't, uh, we, we didn't keep it from her family either. So, uh, you know, that's, that's why we are, um, spokespeople for the lifestyle. I mean, there's a handful of people out there that are more open to doing interviews and stuff like that. Uh, but it's been great. I mean, we have really, I've seen it change in the 20 years when I, when I would do press 20 years ago, it was more to gain ratings.
So, uh, it's back when news was looking for TV ratings and things like that so they would do press 20 years ago, it was more to gain ratings. So it's back when news was looking for TV ratings and things like that. So they would do a story on, you know, the salacious sex club. And they wouldn't tell me that going into it. They would make it seem like it was some kind of a humanitarian story. But then it would turn into something else completely.
But these days, really see people more uh the reporters being more loving in that way you know really caring about what we do and and really trying to get a story out there about who we are as people i think we can kind of relate to that too because you know when we decided to go open on tiktok we didn't really think it would be a big deal and then like instantly all these people gravitated towards us and I think they were just so happy that somebody was speaking out and giving information so in a lot of ways I feel like we can relate to you on that yeah well you know I know for me my motivation wasn't coming from the sex side of what is the stereotypical image of people in open relationships or swingers or consensually non-monogamous, whatever label you want to attach to it.
When I was introduced to it, I was coming much more from a relational standpoint in what was needed in a relationship in order to even have that conversation, uh, of a more open relationship. You have to have a lot of things in place in your relationship before you just, you know, Hey, we're just going to go out here running around. Um, there has to be a lot of communications. You know, you learn things like boundaries. You learn to be transparent with your partner. You learn to have a level of honesty that maybe you haven't had in other relationships.
I didn't have that in my other relationships. I mean, there was just certain things you didn't talk about, which seems odd to me today when I look back because those things that we didn't talk about were the things we should have been talking about in our, in our relationship. And so as far as being spokesman for the lifestyle, I want people to see the depth of what it is that we do.
Yes, there's the surface stuff that goes on and it can be very beautiful, but there's a lot of stuff underneath that gets missed because everybody, like John says, they just want to focus on the salaciousness of the shock value of what it is that they think that we're doing. But as soon as you get underneath that layer, you see that there's this beautiful root system that takes place for so many of these couples that are in the lifestyle. And that's what I want to focus on. Yeah, I think you nailed it there. I totally agree. Yeah, that's a great point.
And I think, you know, again, we're, we've only been out publicly for a year now and we're still very new to this, but it seems to me that, you know, a lot of what gets focused on is the sexual aspect of the lifestyle and there's just so much more of a community behind it. And I almost feel like we don't maybe advertise ourselves the right way to really put that forward that, hey, this is a community of like-minded people that are open, you know, sexually are open-minded and we are welcoming anybody into that community that's willing to do it in a respectful manner.
I mean, is that something that, are we missing that message? Well, you know, I know for me, and maybe I was at an advantage because I didn't have much history in, um, like a different relationship model. I only grew up knowing one relationship model. So I really didn't have any of the stigma or judgment or anything about, um, what a lot of people had about the swinging community. And so I was able to see it again from a different angle. I just knew what a great person John was and how empathetic and generous and loving that he was.
And so I'm like, well, how could somebody that has those qualities be involved in something that would be controversial, right? So I was able to, to look at it much more from, from the humanity side of what was happening, of how this, how you were able to incorporate a relationship model that, that even though maybe some other people had an issue with it, it still created these beautiful qualities in people. And there's something to that. So maybe I should be paying attention to this.
What is this that this has to offer and, uh, to take it seriously that it's not just, you know, we call it the lifestyle, but I think, you know, if you ask John, he would tell you that this, this is who he is intrinsically. Like this isn't just something he chose to do. This is just who he is. And after being involved in the lifestyle for the decade that I have been and having the opportunity to talk to so many other couples, they will tell you the same thing, that this is who they are.
This isn't just what they do, but this is how they have formulated not only their life, but their relationship. And then it bleeds out onto other aspects of their life. Because if you have all of these qualities in this relationship, you're going to have those same qualities in other relationships. And so you're going to have I love it. because if you have all of these qualities in this relationship, you're going to have those same qualities in other relationships. And so you're going to have a much deeper, richer canvas in your life. Yeah. And I think those are all good points.
And so like, I've had this conversation with people before, like, do you, you know, and it seems like you do, but you truly believe there are monogamous and then there are non-monogamous people and it's not you know not by choice of their own but by default from you know whatever it may be and and it seems that you know at least for me uh and i think you know largely at hold for people to kind of just grasp the concept that maybe there are just non monogamous people and that's just who they are at their core and they're you know somehow being forced into this box by society that they don't fit into.
And, you know, Lacey's even talked about that before in the past. She's like, well, I think I could be monogamous if I had to be, but it wouldn't feel right to me. I'd feel, it would just feel wrong for some reason. And I think, you know, a lot of people may be listening to this because we get a lot of people that aren't in their lifestyle or aren't swingers and they're kind of hearing a lot of this stuff for the first time. But I think to a lot of people, that would be a kind of a foreign concept. I think it's the other way around.
I think we're born non-monogamous and then society makes us monogamous. If you look back to pre-agriculture, I mean, we were definitely as humans, we were non-monogamous. And then once we had agriculture and property and we needed people to help farm our property as men and you know then we had we owned women uh that's when things changed and then you know you then you had to control people you had other governments or religion that would form and then you live by those rules so i truly believe scientifically that we're uh we're not born monogamous is something that we're taught.
And that's why it's such a struggle for so many people. Yeah, that's, I think that's even a better, a better point. And I think people, it's funny how, you know, short sighted a lot of us are when we look at relationships, right? We just know our, our generation, our lifestyle, what our parents taught us. And we kind of, that's the box that we think of. And we don't go back in history and look and say, Oh, wait a minute. Like this is actually monogamy is a fairly new concept in the, in the construct of time.
There's a lot of, you know, there's a lot of interesting points about that, that I think, you know, is worth talking about. Yeah, it is. Well, and I think, you know, here's the thing. There's so many animals in the animal kingdom that partner, right? They partner up. They find somebody that they know is going to help them get from point A to point B, whether that's rearing young or whether that's providing food. But we want to combine that kind of bonding with sexual bonding.
Because if you, if you take, um, like, let's say birds, for instance, in the animal kingdom, they will partner to rear their young, but the eggs in that nest are not all going to belong to that male. There's going to be a percentage of those eggs that are going to belong to some other male. And that's just um partnering up with someone because you you know, just like with John, I would say that the relationship that John and I have has a monogamous tendency, right? Cause we're together, we're in the same house. We don't have anybody else that lives with us.
It's, you know, but from a sexual standpoint standpoint that same rule does not apply yeah somebody said something the other day i was listening to him talk and they said that they were emotionally monogamous but physically non-monogamous and that really like sunk into me because it's right same for dan and i we don't share our hearts with, you know, obviously, you know, we obviously have sex with other people and enjoy that. But as far as our daily life, we're very much monogamous in that sense.
Well, and there's even an argument with that, too, because, you know, as we all know, we form emotional relationships with people, whether that's an emotional relationship with the person at the grocery store that we see every time we go shopping and we really, you know, we notice when they're not there or the emotional relationship that we form with our coworkers or with our family or with our children or with our neighbors.
And so there can be a tendency to have a fear of an emotional connection with someone else when we're in a more open relationship, because then that starts to blur the lines for a lot of people. And I think that's going to be very natural, especially in the way that we're raised to, or at least I know for me, it was and still is to a degree to be able to separate those two things because I'm still very hardwired towards what, you know, behavior is supposed to look like and vacillating one way or the other from that, as far as emotions can be, can feel kind of fuzzy and weird, right?
Oh, can I have this feeling for this other person yet still also be in this relationship with, you know, with this other person? You know, what does that look like and where are those boundaries and how, how do we do that in a way where everybody still is able to grow and have freedom and embrace those relationships so that no one comes away feeling like there's a threat to the relationship. yeah and i think that that can be, you know, we, you know, we go on TikTok live and sometimes we get, you know, a couple thousand people on a live asking us questions.
And that question always comes up like, well, how do you avoid catching feelings? And, you know, how do you not fall in love with people? And how, you know, how do you, you know, like there's a, there's a huge concern about people, especially people I think that are newer in their lifestyle, you know, that having that happen to them. And it's very hard to explain that like, well, just because we do have feelings for our friends, right?
Me and Lacey, the couples that we've been around, the couples that we've engaged with, some of these couples we've been friends with for years and had, you know, sexual, sexual relationships with. So, you know, to say that we have no feelings for them would be untrue. But to what you're saying is we don't, we have no desire to move in with them, to start a life with them, to raise children with them. So it's a very blurred line and it's hard to, I guess, explain that to people sometimes. Right. Well, we've set up society in a way that makes it very difficult to, to allow that to happen. Yeah.
You're just saying the structure of our society is it doesn't allow that to happen. Right. Well, I mean, I even think back to my own background, it was, you know, to date someone that was fine to break up with them and then date someone else, that was fine. But to be married to someone that was a completely different set of rules.
And if that's drilled into you for decades and decades and decades, that can be a hard tool to take out of your toolbox and put on a shelf, you know, because you, you think, well, this is my partner so that it's just, you know, there's no room for, um, anything other than just my partner.
And if someone else gets introduced, it has to be one or the other to be able to know that you have permission to meld those two or to have both of those going on simultaneously, I think for a large portion of the population that has been raised in that traditional monogamous type of relationship model, it is a hard concept because you're like, no. I was taught it's just, you know, it has to be one way or the other. Yeah. So I, I mean, you know, you guys, um, you guys are everywhere.
Uh, you have a blog, you have a YouTube channel, um, you've written books, you know, again, you've been on, uh, you know, various media networks. What, I guess, what's the goal? Like what, what's, what direction are you guys trending in? What would you like to see, um, where are we all this? You know, I just, as far as business goes, well, I think Jackie has an idea. We're really, we would like to be more accepted in the world. And I've, she's seen how I've had banks out of the blue cancel my account because they think we're a strip club. I'll see you next time.
seen how I've had banks out of the blue cancel my account because they think we're a strip club or something like that and you can't get a hold of anyone at the banks they're you know major banks to find out why did you cancel my account and uh and I have over the years uh been on the phone with people and and they've uh you know they've made it known that, well, it's because of what you guys do. I've had, we're, um, we're trying to refinance a property we own and the tenant inside is one of my clubs and the banks are turning it down left and right.
They won't touch it because of the tenant, because it's a swingers club. And it's not because it's not a good business model because it definitely does well and would make the bank money. They just don't want to be involved with that kind of a business. That's really sad to me. And it just, that hasn't gone away in the 20 years or so since I've been doing this. So we'd like to see that change for sure. Where we have seen some headway, we're in the process of opening a resort in Cancun for open-minded people. And we're hoping to break ground in January. That's our goal.
And so that would be another one of our aspirations is to see this thing open. It's really going to be more of a, I don't know, we kind of use the Walt Disney World for adults, essentially. It'll have so many different activities there for people to do while they're there. And it's really going to be a village where people can walk around and go to different restaurants and shop and coffee and get ice cream and things like that. So that's another project we have going on right now.
And I think the more of things that happen like that in the world, the more accepting people will become of who we are. You know, the other thing that has to happen is people have to come out and you know, you look at the homosexuality and how it began to get acceptance was, you know, when they started having parades and being more out and open and people that were elected to government positions would come out as to who they were. And it took a bunch of people to do that.
And we're not seeing that today because Because people can still get, they can still lose their job if it comes out that they're you know a swinger of all things oh my god um so there you know there's there is some fear there and what jackie and i hope to show is you know when it comes to like your family and things like that the you know maybe the the fear shouldn't be shouldn't be I mean, we, Jackie, my whole family knows, Jackie's family knows, no one has shunned her because of it.
A handful of friends that have maybe said something, you know, they're really not close friends if they, if they're trying to control us from being who we are in any way, you know, you invite me to a party and they say, well, our party but don't tell anybody what you do and then i tell them well i'm probably not going to come to your party because i'm not going to lie if people ask me and uh it's not like it's contagious just because i come to your party doesn't mean because you know me that you are me you know we've been very fortunate too we haven't lost any friends or family um but we do get a lot of those questions well let me take that back some of our friends have some of our friends families have very much like disown them and stuff like that and that is very heartbreaking so it absolutely does still happen it does happen um but you know i think a lot of people assume because you're a swinger that we want to hook up with everyone.
Like I try to tell, I try to tell people like, we don't, we don't find swinger friends in our normal everyday life. We find swinger friends on swinger websites, at swinger resorts, at swinger clubs. We're not going to go to the grocery store and think you're hot and be like, Hey, do you want to swing with me and my husband?
That's just not who we are we are I'm sure there are people out there that do that but I think that people just assume that because we're sexually open that we want to have sex with them and everyone else which is not the case right I mean I'm all about people being self-confident but for sure yeah for sure it's like no I don't want to have sex with everybody. No, I don't either. You know, and again, we also get that pushback. I think that because people hear the word swinger, they think that means you hook up with every single person that you meet.
You know, people are like, how many guys did you sleep with? Which is a crazy question. I don't know why anybody would ask anybody that, but they do. Well, you lost self. Yeah, I't we all but i mean um but i just think it's just i think people's um what they think the lifestyle is is not necessarily what it is and again i think what y'all are doing what dan and i are doing is trying to break down that stigma and trying to show people a different, sad.
Well, you know, there's a degree of compassion that you have to have when you introduce something that's pretty different from, from what we want to think of as the norm. And so it's, it's, there's going to be a degree of threat to that. Like, I don't know what your intent is. I don't know what you're doing here. I don't know, uh, you know, you're doing something really, really different and I don't know how that's going to affect me or if it is going to affect me, or maybe it's, um, opening up issues that I have that I would really rather not think about.
And you talking about this, um, makes me nervous because it's, you know, it's making me feel one way or the other you there has to be this degree of understanding and patience with people and coming at them I mean I was just at a function this morning and was being introduced to a lot of women that I didn't know and they were like well so what do you do and when I tell them I there's just this kind of pause and then the next thing I know they're begging me to come and speak to all of them because how I approach this is look everybody has what we do in in the swinger lifestyle or consensual non-monogamy has to do with building a relationship.
And it doesn't matter what relationship model you're in. Those same qualities have to be built. There still has to be communication, comprehension, gratitude, empathy, love, honesty, transparency, empathy. And that's what we focus on.
That's what we want to build and and I say and another thing that I touch on is you know our sexuality I think for a lot of women that's been shoved down into the basement and so for us to have the courage to venture down there and pull up our sexuality and feel as though we have a right to express that, sometimes just take somebody else telling them that they have permission to do it and to talk about it out in the open, right?
So that's just what we have to continue to do more and more of is we really have to show people that what we do, that we're serious about what we do, that it actually means something. That's why we continue to do it. It's of benefit to us. Yeah. No, I think those are all great words. I think what we need to do now is take a little break to hear from our sponsors. And then I think we come back and I want to talk to you guys about your open love platform and where people can find you. And then I want to get a little bit kind of into what we've been talking about.
You guys brought up to us the National Coalition of Sexual Freedom. And I really want to hit on that a little bit for our listeners so that they, if that's something they want to get involved in, they'll know where to find it.
So let's take a little break and we'll be right back the swing nation podcast is proud to announce an official partnership with sdc.com sdc stands for seek discover connect and with over 3 million members in over 50 countries it's the world's largest lifestyle community and a great place to link up with open-minded couples singles and kinksters from around the globe whether you're just starting your lifestyle journey or you're an old pro sdc has something to offer you with chat rooms live cams groups and blogs there's always naughty fun to be found sdc.com also has expert advice professional articles and entertaining content to enhance your erotic lifestyle journey.
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Make sure you join the Swing Nation SDC group and send us a message. We here at the Swing Nation podcast are proud to partner with Promescent. Listen guys, We'll be right back. free. Make sure you join the Swing Nation STC group and send us a message. We here at the Swing Nation podcast are proud to partner with Promescent. Listen guys, we've all been there. You're having a hot night with a hot chick, maybe a few hot chicks, but you need to kind of delay the time before you pull that trigger. That's where Promescent comes in. They have this awesome product called the delay spray.
You literally spray it on and it delays the time that you orgasm so you can make sure that your partner is well taken care of. And as swingers, we're all about making sure our partners are well taken care of. And Promescent Delay Spray is the perfect product for that. Click the link in the show notes below to get yours today. All right. And welcome back guys. I appreciate you sticking around. Um, so I want to talk a little bit about your guys's platform. I, we know we mentioned before that you guys are kind of everywhere. Um, you guys, I, from my understanding, fall under this OpenLove101.
That's your name, your brand. What is that, and where can people find you, and kind of what is that all about? Yeah, so it's OpenLove101.com, and it's a site that we started how many years ago now, Jackie? Seven years ago? Yeah. Celebrated our seventh anniversary for that website a few months ago. And we developed it to try and reach couples that were or are curious about different relationship models.
But maybe they don't know there's a place that they can go to explore that, you know, that more of an open relationship or spring relationship, or there may be, you know, we also in the market we started was Dallas cause we just opened a club there. And so we were trying to show them there's a place you can go if you want to explore a little bit more. And, uh, it is really just taken off. Yeah. I love it. It's kind of, you know, it's like with any business, you can get frustrated with your business and then there's days that you absolutely love it. But as a whole, it's kind of my baby.
It was really therapeutic for me when I was very first, you know, in the lifestyle, I could just kind of write about my path and how I came to understand the lifestyle and the growth that it gave me and the relationship that it gave me. And I figured, you know, if I, if I had some hurdles to get over on my path that there, the odds were that were, there were probably other people that had that same hurdle get in their way. And if I could kind of pay that forward in some way, that's what I wanted to be able to do. And the by-product of that has just been amazing.
It is so gratifying to go into one of the clubs and have someone come up to us and say, I watched your video or I read your article or I listened to your podcast or read your book. And that's what we're here. I mean, it's just, I just want to go, yay. You know, just because, uh, just opening that line of communication for those people to feel like they can expand who they are. Right.
You know, it's about making our box bigger so we have room to breathe and move around and i just i love that and if if there is you know if there's anything else that i could do with this is just to continue to grow it and then at some point really be able to make some um really i guess it would be. I mean, there really needs to be some recognition for who we are as a segment of the community. And personally, that's my goal. I want people to be able to be in this relationship model without fear of losing their job or being excommunicated for some reason. Yeah.
I think that's why we are drawn to you guys so much because, you know, if you've listened to our podcast or if you've seen any of our platforms, it's really basically, you know, our mission has been since we started this and kind of came out of the closet, so to speak, was that we just want to show who we are as people in hopes that that changes people's minds about what swingers are and what that community, you know, is. And it's, you know, mine and Lacey's platform, you know, again, it's been a year. It's crazy how fast it's grown.
You know, we have a Discord, a chat group that has over almost,000 people in it, 8,000 people on Facebook. The podcast stuff has exploded. So I think there's a real thirst for information out there. And to have a couple like you that have been doing this now with John 20-plus years and you guys know the resources, you know the groups, the communities, it's amazing. And I hope that, you know, we can kind of continue this relationship and work with you guys, you know, more going forward, because I think there is a huge community of people out there.
And I just think they've lacked leadership, right? They don't know who to turn to and what to do. They just, they all feel the same way. They all have these wants, these desires, these fantasies. They all know that, you know, they're doing all this stuff kind of in secret, but they don't know how to change it. And they, they are still living in fear. I think a lot of the people we talked to are very afraid of getting found out. Um, and to me that's wrong. And I think you're saying the same thing.
You know, we had, we knew of a couple that, um, were in the lifestyle and they were, they were actually doing some, some more open communication, but they were still saying, keeping their identity sheltered. And at some point they were, the closet door swung open and they were kind of thrown out by someone else, um, into their community. And I remember she reached out to me kind of like, oh my gosh, you know, what are we going to do? And I wrote back to her saying, congratulations, you know, finally you get to be who you are.
And, you know, once the shock of that kind of ebbed away from her, she was able to see the true benefit of having that happen, even though it was extremely uncomfortable. and, you know, they did have a lot of hurdles that they had to kind of get through personally in that the outcome of that was something she could have never known prior of how much that would help her to actually be able to be open and honest about who she is. So, you know, I think sometimes those things we fear end up being the best things for us. Oh, for sure.
We, or me, I can say, you know, I grew up in a smaller town in the South. So the thought of people finding out like my truth was like so scary. And so when it actually happened, I mean, I was freaking out. I was so scared. But you know, now this has been about a year. I'm very proud of who I am. I'm not ashamed. I can hold my head eye and go in any store, do anything. And I'm proud of who I am. And, you know, wasn't something I probably would have like just openly told people, but because it happened the way it did, I'm super grateful. See, I love that. I love those stories.
I mean, look at your own growth as a result of what happened. Oh, for sure. Yeah. You know, Dan always says this and he, he's really good about reminding me because me as a female and maybe, you know, you kind of touched on females, we're taught to like, you know, push down our sexuality. And so maybe for a female, it's a little bit harder. But I don't know. I just felt like everyone was judging me at first. And Dan always told me, he's like, Lacey, it's just their knee jerk reaction. Everybody's initial reaction is that, oh, my God, you're a swinger.
And then five minutes later, they're like interested. They want to know stuff. You know, they're curious. He's like it's just you just kind of have to go through all of these like, you know, emotions or points. And eventually it'll be old news and nobody will care. And that's kind of exactly what happened. You know, at first, so many people, including our families, were just like, oh, my gosh. But then once they saw that we were the same people that they had known and loved all these years, they just we just had a side, you know, that they didn't know about.
Once they realized that we were the same people, I think people started to, you know, like, oh, everything's fine. Y'all are good. You know, nothing's crazy. And so everyone came around and I'm, you know, again, like you said, it just feels so good to be like my true self. I love that. I love that. And I think that's, you know, I would say nine times out of 10, that's exactly what ends up happening, but we have to be brave enough to go through that. Right. Yes, it's true. It is very true. Yeah.
And so you spoke a little bit on, you know, kind of activism and I think, you know, even for, you know, we've been around the lifestyle for almost 10 years now. The idea of swinger activists is kind of a, I think a foreign concept. But you guys told us about this group called the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom. Can you tell us what that is and speak on that? And maybe, you know, why should people support that organization and what kind of things are they doing? Sure. You can find out information about them. It's at ncsfreedom.org, N like Nancy C S freedom.org.
And they've been around for quite some time. I think I first got involved with them when I was having difficulties with my club in Tampa. And at that time, they really were more of a BDSM kink advocacy group. But since that time, we have really developed a good relationship with them, me, myself and other members of our industry. Um, and now if you go to their site, you'll see where they, they really are advocates for any type of, um, sex positivities. So the, they really can help out, um, with, you know, legal issues that might arise.
Um, they, I know they have helped out, you know, not only us, but other groups that have dealt with ordinances or something like that that might prevent a social club from being opened. They're involved. You know, they're going to be at the Naughty New Orleans as well. You'll see them there. And they're one of the key sponsors of the of that of the national of the sexual freedom parade. Um, I think, you know, it's, it's a, it's a nonprofit group. They definitely can use, uh, financial help.
And so, you know, if, if any of your listeners want to go to ncsfreedom.org and, and donate, I, I know they would greatly appreciate it, but it's, it's definitely, um, a starting point for us, uh, to be able to, you know at least to have a well-known advocacy group like that behind us. So. Yeah, I think that's important. And, you know, kind of to what Jackie was talking about, at some point we have to rally together to change things, right? We have to go after laws. We have to, you know, whether it's recognizing non-monogamy as a sexual orientation, you know, I don't know.
I don't know necessarily what the proper route is, but if we just keep – we can talk about it all day long, but until we actually start changing things, people are going to continue to lose their jobs. People are going to continue to – we have friends that have dealt with custody issues and stuff because of being outed.
And, you know, there's a lot of things that are still happening in ways that this community is kind of being discriminated against for really not, you know, dealt with custody issues and stuff because of being outed, you know, that there's a lot of things that are still happening in ways that this community is kind of being discriminated against for really, you know, in our opinion is what consensual adults do in, you know, the privacy of their home or sometimes clubs, you know, that's nobody's it doesn't shouldn't affect their how we look at them as parents or how we look at them as employees.
But there definitely still definitely still is that stigma out there. And how do we, how do we protect those people from having that discrimination put upon them is kind of the question, I guess. Yeah, I agree. I mean, we've got to be able to, um, we have to be able to speak our truth because we can't expect anybody else to do it. Nobody's going to come in and say, Oh, you know, we see that you guys are struggling, so we're going to, you know, we're going to make this a lot easier. I mean, we're the ones that have to say, there's nothing wrong with what we're doing.
Actually, it's the opposite. We care so much about our relationship with our partner that we're doing and taking the steps necessary to make sure that we don't become part of the divorce statistic. You know, so I don't know.
There needs to be more credit towards, you know, what these couples and these singles are doing to, you know, live a life that fits well within in their parameters, and the fact that we don't applaud that is disappointing to me and it's like you said it's just it's another form of shame or guilt or you need to get back in line kind of mentality you know and I here's the other thing that's so interesting probably 80% of at least the women in the lifestyle are bi. So that's part of the LGBT community.
So, you know, if you're going to, if you're going to discriminate against us, you're hitting a much larger target than what you think. Yeah. Should it be a LGBTQ plus pineapple or something? Like, can we, can we add that on the end? I mean, is that a possibility? Right. Yeah. I think that, you know, we've, we've said it a lot of times that, you know, if we look to the gay community about, you know, the strides that they've made in the last 20 years, I think that should be a roadmap. I mean, you know, me and Lacey have said it several times.
I don't think swingers necessarily have the level of discrimination that a lot of that community had to deal with, you know, physical violence and a lot of things like that. But then, you know, you speak of, you know, police raids and people being handcuffed and, you know, and just mistreated. So, you know, I don't think it's to the level that the gay community had to deal with, but I think we can definitely look to them to see the way that they fought back against it, the way they came together as a community, the way they kind of, each other and have changed laws together.
I think that's a good roadmap for us to kind of try to follow or emulate. Right, and that's why it is going to take the people that are in the community to show that what they are doing is something that they are proud of. You know, John and I have this great relationship. We have this great marriage. We really work with each other. And that's what I want people to see. Yeah. You know, that we can have that and we can have this other thing. Right. Yeah. And I think that's, maybe that's.
And we the unique grandparents problem that we have is our community it tends to be when people look at it it's so hyper sexualized that that's what they focus on that they miss the rest of it right and what you're saying is bring some of that other stuff to light so that people actually see it as a valid community other than just sex right okay yeah i think that's all great so think we got about like 10 minutes left. And what I'd really like to get from you guys, since you've been around, you have your clubs, you know, we kind of hit on a little bit.
Most of our listeners or a lot of our listeners are just finding this for the first time, right? Maybe they Googled swingers. MaybeK. Uh, they're curious, um, but they're not, you know, we do have some lifestyle people that follow us, but a lot of it is just people that have kind of stumbled upon us. Um, so I'd like to get in this last 10 minutes, what your advice would be to a new couple, um, that's maybe considering coming to one of your clubs, maybe can kind of considering, um, you know, starting this, this journey into, into the lifestyle. What lifestyle.
What would your words be to a couple like that? Yeah, we encourage couples that are curious to, you know, probably going to a club or a party is a good way to start. And before you go, you definitely need to establish some kind of boundaries. If there's just a curiosity to see what's going on there, then make that your boundary. You know, we're just going to go look and leave, and then we can talk about it when we get home. And if you both have an interest at that point in doing something, maybe the next time you go, you expand those boundaries a little bit.
Where we find couples really run into trouble is when they don't have boundaries set, then, uh, you know, something happens and one of the people, the one, you know, one party of the couple doesn't really like it and some jealousy or anger may occur and, you know, that can ruin that initial first experience. So that's so important to, you know, communicate what your desires are that first time.
And even before then, you know, we have couples that we coach fantasize about whatever it is that they want to do, fantasize about it together, either role play or, you know, something on those lines and see how that makes you feel when you really, when you really get into that fantasy role. And if you feel like you're comfortable with whatever that fantasy is, then maybe you can explore it at a party or club or wherever you end up going. And if it's something that's causing you to feel some kind of anxiety, then maybe that's not the road you want to take at this point in time.
And then never have expectations. So a lot of couples we find will go out there and they'll have these expectations about, you know, they're, they're ready. They, you know, their boundaries are a little more open. They definitely want to play and they go to a party and, uh, they don't meet anybody that they click with and they're just bummed out, you know? So we really encourage people to go to the clubs without any expectations, just let things happen naturally.
If it's, I mean, you know, it happens for plenty of people and, uh, it will for all of you out there, just sometimes it takes a little bit longer to find the people that you click with. Yeah. I think those are all, that's all great advice. And it, it aligns very, it's funny that, you know, me and Lacey kind of just stumbled into like, you know, talking to people on Tik TOK and going on live.
And it's, it's funny that, you know, we're all kind of saying the same thing and i like i like that's that's yeah that's literally the exact advice that we give people i think the role-playing thing would be different you know i don't think we've ever got in depth we've talked about like pillow talk like you know like hey when you're having sex and you're talking about the things that you like you know are into or you know maybe fantasize about you know those are kind of good ways to to feel yourself out but uh you know the role play is another great way to do it um but but it's interesting to me that But they're, you know, are into, or, you know, maybe fantasize about, you know, those are kind of good ways to, to feel yourself out.
But, uh, you know, the role play is another great way to do it. Um, but, but it's interesting to me that there, you know, um, I think a lot of us are kind of having the same message and it's good. I think, you know, there's not a lot of resources for people that are curious about this to go to and turn to, because again, it is still so, uh, taboo and underground, but I think, you know, things like your open love one-on-one, you know, there's other people out there, uh, podcasts and blogs and things like that.
I think it's good to start, you know, this community seems like it is growing in that aspect as far as resources go. Yeah. I just, um, you know, it's funny to go from, from how I grew up to where I am today is so drastically different. And, you know, I just think, gosh, what I would have missed, you know, had I just not been open to what this has to offer. I've just learned so much about myself, um, how to formulate a relationship that can really foster and grow and the friendships that I've made.
I mean, goodness, the people that I have met in the lifestyle, they are so kind and so generous and so genuine that just this community is really pretty amazing. And that's, that's what I want people to see from us, right? That's what I want people to understand about us is we want everybody else to be living their best life as well. Yeah, no, I think that's 100% true.
So in these last few minutes is there anything you guys would like to to put out to uh the swing nation uh listeners out there um that that we haven't had a chance to talk about any any closing remarks i can't really think of anything um but if you're interested in our site once again it's openlove101.com uh our clubs you can find those at collectclubs.com. And we're located in Austin, Houston, Dallas, and New Orleans. And New Orleans has been there now 22 years. What else do we have out there? I've got my book, Swinger's Lifestyle, The Questions You're Afraid to Ask.
You can, gosh, I don't even know where you get that. Amazon? Yes. Yeah, Amazon. And it's just a compilation of questions, real questions that I received from our listeners and my responses to them. So it's a great way if you're new or interested in the lifestyle and you have those kind of, not beginners questions, but kind of those beginner questions, I kind of can offer some answers. Yeah, those are all great. And you guys, we will be at the Dallas club, September 10th. So we are really excited. We're making a special trip out to go.
So we have a lot of people that follow us in that general area.
So we were trying to broaden of the south so we will be um at collect dallas september 10th yeah we've been we've been working with melissa on that one and we're looking forward to that event and we'll also be at naughty in new orleans and we'll visit your new orleans location while we're there hopefully get to see you guys uh in person um and uh we're very much looking forward to that yeah well for sure see you in new orleans awesome okay perfect yeah and then i think i think the only thing i'd like to say is from from me and lacy and i know really can speak for a lot of the people that are that are in our group because when uh we told our friends that we were interviewing you guys they were like oh my gosh you guys have like made it in the swinger lifestyle if you're talking to john and jackie like that's a huge deal um yeah i just want to tell you guys that we we really appreciate that everything that you guys have like made it in the swinger lifestyle.
If you're talking to John and Jackie, like that's a huge deal. Um, yeah, I just want to tell you guys that we, we really appreciate that everything that you guys have done, you know, over the last 20 years, they kind of paved the way for people like me and Lacey to kind of come in and start, uh, talking about this. Um, you guys are definitely pillars in the community. Definitely people, uh, that I think everybody we know, uh, looks up to. Um, so we really, you know, appreciate that. Cause I know, you know, we know it's not easy. I can only imagine how hard it was, you know, 10, 20 years ago.
Um, so we appreciate you guys and we appreciate you guys taking the time to talk to us. No, we thank you guys for having us on. We appreciate you and what you do. Okay. And I think with that guys in a world full of apples, be the pineapple, be the, guys. Bye. Bye. If you've enjoyed our podcast and want to support us, leave a five-star review wherever you're listening. If you want to see more of our content, you can find links to Snapchat, Twitter, Instagram, OnlyFans, and more in the show notes.
Come join the conversation with us and other Swinger content creators on our Swinger Society Discord server. If you have questions or feedback, email them to us at theswingnation at gmail.com. Make sure you head on over to theswingnation.net and keep up to date on all things Swing Nation. We thank you so much for joining us, and we'll see you next time. Goodbye.
