Want to send us a message? In today s course we are going to talk about dipping in to your first swinger event. We will cover: cost, boundaries, intent, goals, reconnecting, and the afterglow. Attending your first swing event can be terrifying, exciting and fun. You will learn more about yourself and each other with each swinger event. So, cum inside….it s class time!Show NotesCost of Swinger Events: Clubs, House Parties, HotelThe Cost of Looking Good: Hair, Nails, Waxing, Tanning, Gym MembershipSitters, Uber and Hotel Our First Event: Yay Orgy!Expectations v. Reality: Going with the FlowSpontaneous v. PlannedSet BoundariesHave A PlanWork the Room!Language and RulesReconnectingAfterglow Support the showWant More?👀 Watch on YouTube: YouTube ShowFull video versions and interactive live episodes!Bonus episodes, exclusive content, and 🌶️Extras: https://www.patreon.com/SwingerUniversity 🛳️🎉Looking for lifestyle events in your area? T4P is the go-to directory for clubs, parties, and resort events. Browse now at Ticket4Play.com Custom SU T-shirts and gear: Our Amazon StoreSwingerLinks.com - live schedule, special offers*, and our 🌶️links!Our Website - Leave us a message, articles, and sexy products3 Ways to get your question on our show:RECORD it on our website at: https://swingeruniversity.com/contact/EMAIL a recorded voice note to: [email protected]: (916) 538-0482 and leave a voicemail.* We get a commission if you decide to purchase through our links, at no cost to you.
Transcript
We have to talk about something we've been genuinely excited about for months, and our patrons actually got a preview of this already. Jamaica! Yes, we are going back, and actually, we have a great offer for you guys. Yeah, it's Swingcation. It's October 11th through the 18th at Hedonism 2. And if you don't know what Swingcation is, it's pretty easy. Swinger plus kink plus vacation. It's a hosted group with real structure, workshops, lectures, real conversations with experts who are passionate about bringing and bridging that gap between the swinger world and the kink world.
And we're not just going as attendees. we're going as featured presenters, which is exciting. We'll be leading sessions. So if you come, we actually get to hang out with you. Which brings up something we should mention. When you use our code, yes, we got a code, you're not just getting a discount, you're getting the signature swing experience, which means $100 off per person, up to $200 per room, but it also means that we make time for you. An exclusive breakfast, lunch, cocktail hour, or one-hour and one time with us directly, plus more surprise benefits.
Here's something that's really unique. You could actually contribute by hosting a discussion or running a Skillshare. I know it's scary, but if you have something that you want to contribute, that's a big part of why this event is so special. Everyone there has something to bring to the table. All right, details. If you book before April 25th, you save $400. Plus, they gave us that special code that gets you an additional $200, and the special code is SWINGERU-VIP. So book through TicketForPlay.com forward slash Swinkie. That's T-I-C-K-E-T, the number four, play.com forward slash S-W-I-N-K-Y.
And use our code at checkout. And you guys, if you have any questions about the event, the resort, or what to expect, just reach out. I mean, we're here for you. We're happy to help. So once again, ticketforplay.com forward slash Swinky, the code SwingerU-VIP. We really want to see you there. Hi everyone, thanks for coming to class. This is Ed. And this is Phoebe. In today's course, we are going to talk about dipping into your first swinger event. We will cover cost, boundaries, intent, goals, reconnecting, and the afterglow. My favorite.
Attending your first swing event can be terrifying, exciting, and fun. You will learn more about yourself and each other with each swinger event so come inside it's class time all right ed how you doing i'm feeling all right ed's got a summer cold i know tired of him of Richie. I know. I'm tired of him blowing his nose. I'm tired of blowing my nose. So, yeah, we've done a lot of episodes up to this point. We're on number 11 now. We've talked about all kinds of stuff, building profiles and talking to people. And now, let's get to the party.
Get to party like everything in life the good things cost money i know oh my god it's not a cheap hobby as i like to say a lot of people call it a lifestyle you can call it that but it is our hobby although lately hobby's probably turned more into a lifestyle because we're doing it more often. Yeah, and we've got this whole podcast thing going, too. I know, which kind of makes it a lifestyle. So there goes our argument. But I was very specific in the beginning. It's a hobby. It's not a lifestyle.
And, lifestyle and like all hobbies they cost money so yeah let's let's talk a little bit about cost not cheap so if you are in an area where you've got a club like in florida there's a club called trapeze and there's clubs all over the place yes But what we've decided to do is give you some costs in various places around the country yes to give you an idea exactly so continue with trapeze trapeze we went down there we were on a swinger cruise so of course while we were there we decided to check out this club when in florida right i'm there have to check it out yeah and like a lot of clubs in a lot of different states they actually require a membership in addition to the cover charge yes they do that for legal reasons because if it's a private club then they can't get raided by the police etc so and they don't serve alcohol you bring your own alcohol they put a number on it you're tagged with your number it's all kept behind the bar it's exactly all great trapeze for a two-month membership is fifty dollars yep and if you happen to want to go on a sat night, there'll be an $80 cover charge for that night.
So the night that we went, it cost us 80 and 50. So not an inexpensive evening, but if you're plus your alcohol, plus your alcohol, if you live in the area, it's great. You do dinner at home.
And then this is like a night out on the town so you can kind of do it two for one oh and they served food so it's actually a little bit better than yeah a lot of places because there was a whole buffet and dessert and their food was great there was some great food there i was surprised comparative to the other places that we've been yeah right Where it tended to be cheese and crackers and some odd snacks. So the other part of that is if you happen to live in the area and you want to go frequently, they do have a one-year membership for $300. We're not pushing trapeze.
We're just giving you some numbers. Right. Now, West Coast, San Francisco, there is another club that we've attended once called twist great club we had a lot of fun we went there on christmas eve i know that was a merry christmas to you and that was a 90 charge for the two of us to get in now if you're a single a single male, you can double or triple most of these costs. If you're a single female, sometimes it's free. Yes. It's very inexpensive for a single female. We want you to come. And arrive at the club, too. Ah, Ed. Hmm.
The other type of events you may find in your area are events held at hotels in our area for example there are events four times a year at a hotel they're very upscale it's a nightclub setting lighting boom boom room s&m room it's security it's awesome yeah and to get into those events you will pay anywhere from 50 to 80 a couple uh couple, same price, I think, for a single male, $10 to $25 for a single female, non-members, $60 a couple, $20 for a single female, plus the prices are going to go up as you get closer to the event. Right.
And these prices, I believe, also vary a little based on whether it's halloween or new year's because those are very popular events now at a house party you can expect to pay 40 to 60 a couple yeah so we show up at the door hand them a little bit of cash and you're into the party. And the house parties that we've been to, there's typically food. They typically serve alcohol as well. It's somebody's house. They're throwing a shindig for 40 to 120 of their closest friends. Right.
so in addition to all that cost ladies you have the clothing of the sexy outfit that you want to wear you've got your hair done you got your nails done you may have waxing done maybe you tan or spray tan and maybe you're trying to get your game on and you decided i'm'm going to get my body back into shape. And now you've got a gym membership. So things start to add up. Click. Two of the other costs that you're going to encounter, if you are at a hotel takeover, you're probably going to want to spend the night.
And I say that for two reasons one if you're drinking you're either gonna have to take an uber home or you're gonna spend the night there now the second reason that you want to spend the night is a lot of times the party continues long after the last call yep and we've had plenty of after parties that have been as fun if not more fun than the main party yes you meet people out on the dance floor you exchange room numbers and they invite you back and all kinds of heck breaks loose it's great yeah it's awesome you you make all kinds of great connections people don't always want to play in the playroom but they're like hey we really love you we think you gel with this other group of friends that we have going on in an after party come on up to room 69 okay can we talk about october for a second?
Oh my God, yeah. I've been waiting for this. We were invited to be guest speakers for two engagements on a six-star crystal cruise ship with 310 lifestyle couples.
And it sails from Montreal to Boston during the the peak foliage season i'm super excited and honestly i'm really nervous yeah it's kind of a version of like a swinger ted talk that we're gonna have to do oh my god i know and more importantly if you know the brand it's llv luxury lifestyle vacations you may have seen them and they're sexy playmakers with their fun red hats this ship the crystal symphony is classy butler service for every single room michelin rated restaurants full spa clothing optional sensual playrooms, like everything, theme nights and international DJ.
So it's luxury and nudity? Oh man, this is going to be great. The bottom line is we want you there with us. It's 310 couples and like all their vacations, they book up fast. They really do. Their vacations are extremely popular. So please come with us. And in order to find it, all you have to do is go to ourswingerlinks.com and look for the LLV Sensual Voyage. We hope you'll join us. and as you heard in our last episode, that can benefit you in a whole bunch of ways. You can make some long-term friends and have all kinds of fun. I know. Long after the event. I know. It's all exciting.
Now, you could factor in your time, you know, going to any event and hotel. You know, if you've got to take time off work, depends on what your schedule is. Some people work weekends. There's a lot of things like that that you'll have to consider. We did run into people. Yes. Time off work. Yep. And for us living in the Valley and traveling into San Francisco, we have to get a hotel room because it's. It's too far. Two hours each way. It's just not convenient. And. you've got little ones, you may have to pay a sitter. And I have no idea what the going rate for babysitters are.
I think it's at least minimum wage right now. It's probably more than that, I suspect. Most of the time, sitters are CPR trained and all kinds of crazy, whatever, but that's for you and good luck with that. Now, here's a really important thing. You've got an image of what you want to happen.
So you have expectations already in your head for going into this party the trick is reality is usually different than what your expectations are oh yeah and we suffered from this early on and i would fully admit that most of our early party problems were completely because of our expectations right and we knew i mean we knew not to have them it's just so difficult to not have them you will have them because based on it's just natural based on your life experiences what you've heard it's hard not to make assumptions I feel like it's this innate thing that protects you for like what you're going to walk into.
Absolutely. So it's normal and it's natural. Just try not to set the bar too high. Yeah. And we just talked about cost. You just spent $140 to get into a place. God damn it. I'm going to get laid. At least, you know, that's what you have in your head. You're like, I'm going to a swinger event. I want to swing. But it doesn't always work out that way. No, no. Because the lifestyle is so fluid. People are fluid. Sexuality is fluid.
I mean, everybody who's listening to this has had a night where you're like, you know, normally I'm okay with fucking every night, but tonight, you know, I'm just not really into it. It doesn't happen very often, but sometimes it does. Everybody in the room is going through the exact same thing. Yeah.
It's an off night a hard time at work they drank too much they planned for this party and they'd hope bad yeah they hoped it was going to be a great event but it's not going well for them and that happens to be the couple that you're talking to it can happen so managing expectations is kind of important and and i like to think of it as it's kind of like watching the movie trailer you can expect that it's going to be the greatest movie that you've ever seen but you know it's often safer to just go in going you know it might be okay I'm trying to keep my expectations low so I'm not disappointed lifestyle events the exact same way don't expect everything that you see in the trailers no some people will actually have sex at the event some a lot of people don't right we happen to be the couple that likes having sex at every event, if we can.
But there are a lot of people who are new, and they're just not comfortable. They're not there yet. So your expectations may not match up with theirs. Right. some of the examples of expectations matching up they may be soft you may be full or vice versa the woman may or may not be bisexual so if your wife's looking to have sex with a woman it may not happen we've we have actually met straight women before at events and they're really only interested in swapping with the husband and it's not Thank you.
We have actually met straight women before at events, and they're really only interested in swapping with the husband, and it's not going to be, you know, everybody having fun with everybody else. Which brings us to a story. Dun. Yeah. Our first event. We thought it was fitting talking about your first event. Yes. And what you can expect to our first event and what, well, what we expected and what, oh my God, what the hell happened? I think you should tell it because you're a good storyteller. All right. I love this story. I know. This is a great story.
So we'd been to a couple different events previously so to speak we went to one event where we decided to just watch and it was a really awkward event but we went and we just watched so it was one of those things before we'd even decided that we were quote in the lifestyle i know and it was a event. Oh, yeah. But we're not going to talk about that story. Okay, we'll talk about that later. This is the first event where we're like, yes, we're pretty sure we want to be swingers. Let's try it. Yes. Let's see what happens.
So we went to a glow party, and it was a hotel takeover and we got there and holy crap the place was off the hook everybody was dressed up the music was great everybody was having a great time oh yeah and the playrooms were up on like the eighth floor i'm making a number up and it was two rooms that were adjoining each other and they'd opened the doors between them And so they're... Like the eighth floor, I'm making a number up. And it was two rooms that were adjoining each other, and they'd opened the doors between them. And so there were two beds, two queens in each room.
Well, we like to fuck, so we decided to just start. And there was a bunch of people in the room. Actually, there were a few people in the room. Yes, a few. Not many.
So i started going down on phoebe and it was delicious as always and the next thing you know there's this sexy brunette that decides that she wants to play too so she asks if she can start fondling phoebe's breasts so she climbed and of course we say yes i mean like yes so she climbs up on the bed behind phoebe has her head in her lap and is massaging and playing with her breasts while i'm dining at the y well next thing you know things are starting to heat up people start removing clothes we're having more and more fun and more people start coming into the room yeah so this kind of set the bar for us because we've decided ever since then that we pretty much start the party and then the party like kicks up as soon as we start going great so here we are we're playing with each other and there's a couple sitting in a chair oh she, Marianne.
She's going down on him. Yeah, Marianne. We call them Marianne and... We didn't have a name for him. We didn't, but she's Marianne. We have no idea what her name is, but she looked like a Marianne. Yes. And we were really interested in Marianne at the time. I know, we've never seen them since. So super cute. So they're having their little fun time in a lounge chair. We're on the bed I'll see you next time. So super cute. So they're having their little fun time in a lounge chair. We're on the bed and we've all made eye contact with each other. Totally nonverbal communication.
All just them looking at us, us looking at them. And at some point, somebody like winks, nods, shakes the eyebrows. I can't remember exactly what it was, but it was one of those, you can come over, please. Next thing you know, she's on me, Phoebe's on him, and it's full on soft swap. uh-huh and she's full-on soft swap. And she's soft and wet, and she's enjoying me, and Phoebe's mostly enjoying her man. She was very enthusiastic at the time. It was hard to tell that she wasn't really interested. But it was great. Okay, so we went from two to three. Now we're up to five.
Okay, when do we get to eight? Because there was eight or ten. Well, so gradually more and more people start joining in. We stand up, and it's like a circle of blowjobs and handjobs and all kinds of crazy stuff going on.
It's the ultimate Roman orgy in this of soft swap of it wasn't even soft yeah it was this fluid barely spoken all harmonious just amazing euphoric oh so there you go oh yeah that's our first swapping experience and it was a level 11 oh god yeah in terms of soft swap it was great oh yeah and in terms of euphoria we talked about that for months well we're still we're still talking about years later. So obviously it had an impact on us. But that's part of this portion of the podcast. Set the bar really high. Because every event after that had to live up to that.
Oh, are you telling them to set the bar high? No, I'm saying it set the bar high for us.'m saying it set the bar high for us set the bar high oh yeah that event was oh yeah was amazing and many parties after that we were like wait what what happened to the lab what are all the people at where'd go? And that's where we learn to manage our expectations because it's not like that every single time. It may never be like that for some people. Right. That will be very sad. And I have pity for those people.
But you can make things like that happen if you go in with an open mind and you meet some good people and there you go so set your expectations appropriately for the event we went in with low expectations we ended up being literally blown away all right you will run into people that i i call them people that want to get their sexy time on they're they're watchers they're voyeurs they're they're not swingers per se they're not there to swap or even soft swap but they want to be in that fun sexy environment it's exciting to wear sexy clothes and not have someone groping you inappropriately it's fun to be able to express yourself in that way it's fun to be able to watch people have sex and not have any expectations and yes mr ed oh and i was gonna say the other thing that's really important about this is swingers are very nice people oh yeah really really nice people yeah and we've found a number of people who just enjoy the non-judgmental environment.
So, you know, heavyset people who wouldn't wear these clothes in normal life will wear you know super skimpy clothes why because no one's going to say anything about it because it's like you know you do you yeah it's this all okay it's freedom of expression it's just wonderful people are very very. People let their hair down and they're having a good time because everybody is just really open-minded. And there's something there for everybody. So I'll take by my previous comment that everybody's heavy set. Everybody comes in all shapes and sizes. Absolutely. And it's great.
And everybody's really nice. Right. So you need to kind of, for lack of a better word, weed through, you know, who's a swinger, who's not. Right. Which is why conversations become really important because some people are there for different reasons. You can't expect that they're all there for the same reason yes some people are there just to get their party on they just want to drink and party maybe they take some x or marijuana or whatever their thing is we've run into that a lot and they dance they dance their pants off and they're time. That's all they want to do. Right.
They want to wear skimpy clothes, dance around, and just have sexy good times. Yeah. And it's great. Right. But that was confusing for us in the beginning because we just assumed everyone was a swinger, but that's not the case. Yeah. We made a lot of assumptions when we went in. We found out the converse, and you know, it's a great environment. And even if you're not up for playing the first time you go, go. Just go and have a good time because you're going to see things that you've never seen before. And I encourage everybody to just go watch. Oh, yeah. Go have a good time.
Your first five events, just go and watch. Don't wait five events, but go and watch. Being okay with spontaneous versus planned. That's very important. Here's why we sail on Virgin. It's adults only. No kids screaming at breakfast. No family buffet lines. Just champagne at noon. Late night pool parties and people who actually want to be there. The vibe? Think boutique hotel that happens to float. Tattoo parlors, drag brunch, restaurants you'd actually pay for on land.
Plus, when you're looking to connect with other couples who know how to have fun, let's just say Virgin attracts a very specific type of adventurous. No wondercruiser's here, just your people. We tend to find at events that the spontaneous encounters work really well for us. We've had some of our best experiences with just the spontaneous stuff. Yes. Planned dates, not so much. It's just, I don't know. It's a lot of work. It is. And you set up with a whole bunch of work. Once again, expectations, right? You put in all this time. Communication. Communicating back and forth.
Set up the sitter, blah. Photos. You finally give them your phone number because you're terrified that there's some crazy person you figure out okay they're probably okay you go to the restaurant or the bar or to their house right and you find out it's just not a match they're boring or you don't get along or they look like my dad they've got some annoying trait ed was so disappointed he i was disappointed too the wife was incredibly gorgeous but i couldn't get past the guy because he looked like my dad and i'm sorry yeah i'm not gonna fuck my dad that was tragic i know very But it happens.
It does. It happens. That's why we like the spontaneous stuff. Because you kind of meet them for the first time. You hit it off. And that's why these events are really good for trying it out. Right. You're interacting with 300 to 800 people. Yeah. Target-rich environment. You've got lots of people to choose from. And you can play the room and just, you know, meet everyone there and somebody is going to click. Somebody is going to push your button. Exactly. Or all of your buttons. What else, Ed?
Well, unfortunately, even having a great connection with someone, even playing with someone for the first time, doesn't necessarily mean that you're going to continue playing with them. So kind of think of these events as a tryout, an opportunity to see whether you mesh or not. But there's no commitment here. I mean, you can decide later that, yeah, it was fun, but I'm not really interested in playing with them again. And that will come up. So keep that in mind. Okay. Setting boundaries. This is really important. Decide how hard or firm your boundaries are. We, well, let's see.
Let's give them an example of some boundaries that most people set. A lot of times people will say that they're same bed only the first time.
So you stay with your partner and you're just going to play on bed next to somebody else or even better yet more safe you're just gonna play you're gonna go to the voyeur room you're gonna play on a bed all by yourselves and just have people watch you absolutely yeah that's a lot of fun and it's really safe because you know your wife or your partner and it's all good nobody's crossing any lines right there's no jealousy involved it's just the two of you and it's hot as hell having an entire room of people watching you have sex right that's great or watching other people have sex i mean it is a lot of visual stimulation to process.
It's live porn. It's nothing like porn. Right. It's 10 times better. It is a lot to process. There's sounds and sights and smells and everything. It's all right there. Oh, my gosh. It's overwhelming.
overwhelming i was always overwhelmed so go into it with some boundary set and almost every couple has some kind of rules that they're they're they have imagined in their mind that okay this is my line i'd be okay with everything up to this point now what we found is in the heat of the moment you set these rules up because you expect to understand how you're going to feel when you're actually doing it it doesn't feel the same yeah and you'll find out you're totally different example you're scared to death of heights and you decide, I'm never going to try skydiving. Oh, yeah.
And then next thing you know, you got a parachute on your back and you're jumping out of a plane and you're like, you know what? That was a hell of a lot of fun. I didn't think I was going to like it, but I knew I had to do it because it was on my bucket list.
list okay so now you're at a lifestyle event and you guys have said say you know just us on the bed people are watching and the next thing you know you're surrounded by 10 other couples having sex and somebody decides to join you and you're like oh my god they're really hot and you look at your wife and you're like are're like, are you okay with this? And she's like, oh yeah, he's hot. Yes, please. And the next thing you know, you're on the same bed as another couple. Well, and one thing leads to another, you're touching each other.
And even if it's just as simple as holding hands or caressing somebody's hair, it's intense.
But it's a small boundary that you kind of wash over gently and everybody's on board and i will say i was very afraid of having these conversations with you in front of people they're they're very small sentences i'm saying conversations it's a small sentence are you okay and what i found is as we've been through the lifestyle and we've had these conversations everyone does this absolutely and no and and everyone expects it so it's not weird or uncomfortable and they expect and and sometimes people will say to you, or I've heard people say to other couples, are you all right?
Actually, I've done this with other women. Yes. I can see another woman's face, and I know that look. And I go, she doesn't look very comfortable. And I will be her her protector and I'll go, hey, are you all right? You know, she's with some other guy. We're playing on the bed. I don't know. And she's like, no. And I will be her voice for her. Right. I will step in if she wants to give me that power.
But it's rare people have, I know I'm getting a little off topic, but having that conversation but it's rare people have i know i'm getting a little off topic but having that conversation it's safe in that moment it's not strange and you absolutely need to have that conversation if you need to have that conversation and it's okay and everybody will understand they will they do so you can have boundaries understand that in the heat of the moment, and I'm not talking like you get overenthusiastic and go full swap on the first time. Right.
That's not talking about extending boundaries or pushing boundaries. That's bulldozing over them and you're in the next county. We're not talking about that. No no no because there are couples that were like we agreed that there was only going to be this and then you went and you stuck your dick in her oh yeah that when there was weird that's not what we're talking about trauma yeah it's no those subtle changes where you're like you know i i didn't think i was going to be comfortable with this but what? Watching, now I'm okay with it because it's not as scary as I thought it was going to be.
Yeah. I didn't think I'd like a woman sucking my nipples, but I kind of enjoyed it. Yeah. You know? I think you did. Now, not all couples have boundaries.
Some couples we've met are so comfortable with each other that they're like no yeah we pretty much don't have any rules never have had any rules right because of whatever reason i mean right they were either together forever and they were like no we're experimental we're carefree we just said no why have rules that's silly yeah oh yeah yes we ran into that couple yes we we did we had that couple over and had sex with them i was trying to be discreet but ed just threw it out there yep I just threw it right down on the bed. Okay. Down on the bed. Woo! Here is our advice. Have a goal. Oh, yes.
So when you're going to an event, talk about it ahead of time and decide on a goal for the evening. If you're waiting for something to happen, if you're a wallflower, guess what? You're going to be bored. You're going to be ignored.
and you're waiting for something to happen if you're a wallflower guess what you're gonna be bored you're gonna be ignored and you're gonna be really really disappointed because you just spent 140 bucks to listen to the music and you were at a swing club and everybody else was having fun except for you and you can go to the airport for that yeah you want to listen to music and people? And people watch? Go to the airport. Heck, you can go to a nightclub for a $20 cover charge. And it's a lot cheaper. And you can have the same exact experience. So don't do that to yourself. Yeah.
Here's the first goal that I recommend. And the reason I recommend this is it breaks the ice. It gets you past that fear of rejection. Go introduce yourselves to at least three couples. Uh-huh. At least three. Because the first one, they may be the people that you want to pull the ripcord on and run away. Or they may not be. The first couple you go and introduce yourselves to, you may end up playing with that night. You never know. And we found, after we'd been in the lifestyle for a year or two, where we finally figured that stupid thing out. Oh, yeah. And every party after that was amazing.
Yes.
Because we're wallflowers we are traditionally introverts we have grown to be amniverts i think that's how you say it amniverts it's a you're an introvert but you learn how to be an extrovert and we had to push those boundaries and we had to become comfortable and it's benefited us like absolutely like nothing else that we've tried and we patted ourselves on the back afterwards for doing it was like high five we we accomplished our goal we accomplished our goal you can also set other goals that are a little simpler although i recommend that goal in addition to any of the other ones that i'm listening here watch only if this is your first event you've never done it before go and watch that was our first goal and it was great because at the end of that night nobody crossed any boundaries nobody had made anybody feel uncomfortable and we got to watch people fucking a foot in front of us and we left that party horny as hell and blown away blown away i still remember that party detail by detail by detail absolutely so you can have a great time just going and watching But don't leave it at that.
You can go past that. But for your first event, that's a great goal. Absolutely. The other one, which we mentioned earlier, play by yourselves. You can do that in a playroom. You can do it in your hotel. Any number of situations or circumstances. Right. Try out the different rooms that they may have set up at the hotel or if you're on a cruise they'll frequently do a theme room an snm room yeah if it sounds weird or creepy you know i'll set that aside just go and watch you never really i mean you you may find you're really interested in it it's's just a different kind of kink. It's fun.
It's fascinating. It's interesting. Yeah, exactly. And that's part of this experimental thing. It's opening yourself up to new experiences. Yeah. So you're running around the room and you're talking to people. Doodle-oo-doo-doo. Ask questions. So here's three really good questions that you can have with any swinger couple. Hi, Ed. I'm Phoebe. How long have you been in the lifestyle? Not nearly long enough.
Well, Ed, how many of these have you attended lots oh well have you ever been to any house parties do you have any that you like and these are great questions to start off with and you can ask others that are similar to this have you ever been on a lifestyle cruise if you've been to any of the destination resorts? These are great because you get more information about all these different things. And these are our questions still because we haven't been to Desire. We haven't been to Hedo and we want to know. And they're sexy questions that aren't talking about your kids.
They're questions that aren't getting into more of your personal life, about your job, that people want to keep that anonymity. So these are perfect questions to start off with. They're also really good questions because they remind people of those sexy events that they'd been to before. So you're setting people's minds up to recall all of those sexy thoughts that they'd had before oh you are smart i know and i'm dirty and i think of all kinds of ways to get people in psychologically getting into their mind exactly work it speaking of working Work the room. So you've got to meet three couples.
How do you do it? Well, you walk around. Absolutely. Don't sit down. Nope. Except for with those stupid shoes that you love. I know. But women always wear that are like five-minute shoes. Right. Try not to wear those. Try not to wear those.
Wear something that's comfortable so that you can actually walk around or dance and absolutely and not be in pain because well unless you're into that it's not sexy nope if you're into it then it's really sexy and wear those horribly painful shoes if that's your thing although i don't think i think even s&m people draw the line at painful shoes i mean you i don't know i've never i've never seen that in the s&m room but those shoes i i don't know that's a new thing maybe we ought to start that maybe it's a thing foot bondage that is binding there's gotta be a kink for foot binding there probably is all.
All right. Then the last, well, not the last, but then at the last event, we started targeting people that were standing. It was just easier. It was less. They're less closed off. There's not a table between the two of you. Right. You're not taking somebody's seat or sitting down in front of their drink. You're approaching people that are standing. They're having active conversation. Yeah. And speaking of people who are standing, there's also a dance floor at a lot of these places. So go dance. And you dance next to couples, and who knows? Maybe somebody winks at you.
They move a little closer. Maybe they have a little bump grind. And the next thing you know, you've hit it off with these people absolutely it can happen now at some of the hotel parties that we've been to they have a vip well they have several vip areas they have a vip cabana that you can buy for the evening and there's multiples these are like couches around lounge areas all the way around the room. Lounge areas. Very nice. Very upscale. And then they have VIP tables. Right. And people that buy these areas, they want you to come by. We didn't even know this. Right. Until about a year later.
Until they told us. And we were like, what? Oh, the reason they buy those. It's like a fly catcher. Exactly. In a very non-sexy way. I could have used a better example. But. It's a honey trap. It is a honey trap. So you sit down on that nice comfy couch, you watch people dance and buy, and you go, hi, honey. Hi. Come on over. Come on over. And you sit down on the couch, you have a good conversation with them. And at New Year's, we ended up in some, actually, multiple people's cabanas. And it was just for that because they'd invited us back. And they're like, hey, we've got some champagne.
We're doing our thing. Anyway. I know. It was so fun. Don't feel intimidated by the VIP areas. Right. At least at the club that we go to. Right. It vip as in like exclusive very important don't step across our yeah this isn't like off limits it's no we bought this because we want people to come and join us absolutely you've gone around the room now it's time to talk about some of the language and the rules. Yeah. Some guidelines. Yeah. So as a woman, I always make it a point. And I think this is a very good rule to say hi and hug the woman first if she's open to a hug.
But always greet the woman first. The woman in the lifestyle is always the gatekeeper. erotic stories. Well, guess what? We've got something special just for you. Our exclusive Patreon page. It's like a VIP pass to the saucier side of our world. So if you're ready for an exclusive behind-the-mic experience, head over to our Patreon page now. Trust us, this is where the magic happens. See you there, patrons. And if you're a guy, greet the husband first. Greet the man first. If you go straight for his wife, he might be offended. Yes. So shake hands, make eye contact. Yes.
I always want the woman to feel comfortable. I would always want to feel comfortable. And, you know, I don't know. I'm just sensitive to that. I think that is very important. I think that makes a big difference. I think women feel less offended if you say hi and greet them first women all want to feel very special and, you know, you know, important. So I, I feel like that and why not give that to another woman? So I do that. Absolutely.
And I think that, I don't know if that really works, but's me i think it's important now one of the other things to agree upon ahead of time is how close you're going to be next to your partner or other couples it's not a rule per se but you can kind of talk about how comfortable you are being on the same bed or on separate beds near your partner and i think it's kind of like a rule, but it's also about your comfort level. We, Phoebe and I, really like having close contact with each other when we're having sex for a number of reasons.
It's hot looking into each other's eyes while we're having sex with other people. It's just sexy. And we like that contact. We like having all the people on the bed having contact. So proximity is a good thing to talk about ahead of time too. And the number one rule at any lifestyle event, ask first. It's a consensual thing. You want everybody's consent. And you know, it's really not okay to touch somebody else I'll see you next time.
ask first it's a consensual thing you want everybody's consent and you know it's really not okay to touch somebody else unless you've asked and people people will get really upset if you do that so it's better for everybody if you just ask first plus it shows that respect much like phoebe was talking about greeting the woman first. Right. Asking for permission. Right. Consent is sexy. And usually when I ask first to touch, I don't go right for the nipple. Usually I'm caressing the shoulder or the back. Or a leg. I don't go right between the legs.
You know, you need to think about how you would like that. i mean a guy has no problem if you just reach down his pants and greg is yeah i think i'm okay with that yeah women like a little warm-up so you can't just go like bam go in in for the kill so you know just how you would like it how your wife likes it be su. Think about that. You got to warm up to everybody. It's no different than, you know, your partner. Now, the converse with that, of course, is be okay with saying no. No thank you. And this was a struggle for us early on, and that was being comfortable with saying no.
A lot of times you feel this sense of obligation or you don't want to disappoint people. And you know what? You're going to be disappointed at the end of the evening if you did something that you didn't want to or you were, you know, you got tangled up in something that you just, just didn't make you feel good. So say no, you can be polite and you can smile and just say, oh, no, thank you. No one's going to be offended. And if they are, they shouldn't be there in the first place. But we've, we've never had a problem with that. It's, people are very respectful.
It's probably the best way to describe it. It's awesome. It's amazing. It's like they took the nicest people on the planet, put them all in one place, and labeled them a swinger. And then made them all naked and climb into bed together. and like we told in our story, sometimes there's nonverbal communication and it's, it's that eye contact. It's the, the come hither finger. That happened in that first event that we went at. Oh yes.
There was a number of those where it was like, you know, you can wave people over and that's a great thing in the playroom if you see somebody really staring a lot of times you know they'll walk by and you go there's room you pat the bed and rub it a little non-verbal you're like come on over that happened on the boat too in the solarium where people are walking by and we just finger them over. Yeah, finger them over. Little come hither. Reconnecting. So you've played with someone, maybe, or you've played with each other on the same bed.
And usually reconnecting sex is you've been with somebody else and you're coming back together. Right. To reconnect, to be with your partner, to share the bond that only you and your partner have. Yeah. And it's really important. Some people do it. Some don't. We find it important. We've heard other people express how important that is. And it's lovely. It's fabulous. It's comforting to come back to your partner. Absolutely. And to show them that you're still interested in them and that they're still important to you. You care, respect. And that you still find them desirable and sexy.
And we enjoy it. it plus we're all jazzed up from the previous encounters and right makes our sex even better i know then you also want to talk about your feelings if anything came up what happened um if you were uncomfortable about anything yeah how you felt maybe you need some reassurance but it's always important to go through that process afterwards it'll be natural you'll you'll figure that out you'll something will come up yeah and you'll you'll find that there are times when you you need to about how you're feeling. And sometimes the reconnecting sex happens right there.
Sometimes it happens back in your room. Sometimes it happens, you know, you're having a conversation coming away from the party. Sometimes I had feelings to process.
We didn't have reconnect sex because I had some feelings come up that I couldn't really articulate or didn't really know what that meant and so we had reconnect sex the next morning yeah we had to process it you had to figure it out you had to go what well i'm having a feeling but i don't know why i'm having this feeling is this about right so then you will also find yourself in this afterglow discussion about the fun and the play-by-play and perspectives.
We find it incredibly erotic to talk about an event afterwards and inevitably one person will be sharing a story that about something that i didn't get to see right i mean you get you get involved in sex and you don't realize everything that's going on around you and honestly you shouldn't you should be paying attention to what's going on you're trying to focus on your own orgasm and then you can't be like your head can't constantly be on a swivel so you're like uh and meanwhile your partner's over here doing their thing and then later you're like wait i didn't see that and so then you get to.
Heck, we even learned things happened at the last party that we didn't even know happened until someone else was telling the story about it. It wasn't even our story. We're like, what? What happened? And, you know, you talk about things that you liked and things that you didn't like. And as those stories come out, you go, you know, there was this thing. You know, I didn't like that.
Or stories come out you go you know there was this thing that i just you know i didn't like that or well yeah this the not like versus the like yeah also very good to talk about but there's also the things where you really liked it yeah techniques we've learned new things from me having other partners with oral play oh yeah and there were certain techniques that i try to describe to ed and we've successfully replicated that which is really exciting and as an example from the previous party i've shown a couple women how to squirt oh yeah so talk about them having a conversation afterwards they're like okay you got to do this thing okay no you your fingers got to be like this okay now do push this and rub that and this motion it's great you you can learn new techniques absolutely we hear about couples all the time who are like i didn't know this was a position we were listening to a podcast the other morning and they were talking about some new position that they never tried before right i know and how do you know if you don't know i mean you don't know if you don't know right and then someone does something i mean you don't know the taste of a strawberry till you had a strawberry so i should say cherry cherry chocolate it's been a long time since i've had a cherry i don't think so well yeah all right everyone we hope that these tips and guidelines give you a little confidence.
All right, everyone. We hope that these tips and guidelines give you a little confidence and inspiration to set out and attend your first event, have a goal, and set reasonable expectations for each event. You will end up with lots of happy surprises. Before you turn off our podcast to take care of all the vanilla things pulling you away, please reach out and give us a review. I know mashing a star is so much easier, but a review is so much better for sharing your love of what we're doing with others. We would appreciate it.
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