Want to send us a message? In this episode of Swinger University, we take a deep dive into our first full-swap experience and address insightful listener questions about the psychological and emotional dynamics that come with breaking traditional boundaries. From the thrill of connection to the surprising emotions that emerged, we explore how our feelings evolved and the lessons we learned along the way. Whether you re curious about the lifestyle or reflecting on your own journey, this candid discussion will inspire and entertain. Tune in for honest conversations, personal growth, and a touch of humor!#SwingerUniversity #SwingingLifestyle #FullSwap #OpenRelationships #LifestyleJourney #EmotionalGrowth #SwingingCouples #Relationships #LifestylePodcast #Communication #PersonalGrowth onesmallchange Support the showWant More?👀 Watch on YouTube: YouTube ShowFull video versions and interactive live episodes!Bonus episodes, exclusive content, and 🌶️Extras: https://www.patreon.com/SwingerUniversity 🛳️🎉Looking for lifestyle events in your area? T4P is the go-to directory for clubs, parties, and resort events. Browse now at Ticket4Play.com Custom SU T-shirts and gear: Our Amazon StoreSwingerLinks.com - live schedule, special offers*, and our 🌶️links!Our Website - Leave us a message, articles, and sexy products3 Ways to get your question on our show:RECORD it on our website at: https://swingeruniversity.com/contact/EMAIL a recorded voice note to: [email protected]: (916) 538-0482 and leave a voicemail.* We get a commission if you decide to purchase through our links, at no cost to you.
Transcript
We have to talk about something we've been genuinely excited about for months, and our patrons actually got a preview of this already. Jamaica! Yes, we are going back, and actually, we have a great offer for you guys. Yeah, it's Swingcation. It's October 11th through the 18th at Hedonism 2. And if you don't know what Swingcation is, it's pretty easy. Swinger plus kink plus vacation. It's a hosted group with real structure, workshops, lectures, real conversations with experts who are passionate about bringing and bridging that gap between the swinger world and the kink world.
And we're not just going as attendees. We're going as featured presenters, which is exciting. We'll be leading sessions. So if you come, we actually get to hang out with you. Which brings up something we should mention. When you use our code, yes, we got a code, you're not just getting a discount. You're getting the signature swing experience, which means $100 off per person, up to $200 per room, but it also means that we make time for you. An exclusive breakfast, lunch, cocktail hour, or one-hour and one time with us directly, plus more surprise benefits.
Here's something that's really unique. You could actually contribute by hosting a discussion or running a Skillshare. I know it's scary, but if you have something that you want to contribute, that's a big part of why this event is so special. Everyone there has something to bring to the table. All right, details. If you book before April 25th, you save $400. Plus, they gave us that special code that gets you an additional $200, and the special code is SWINGERU-VIP. So book through TicketForPlay.com forward slash Swinky. That's T-I-C-K-E-T, the number four, play.com forward slash S-W-I-N-K-Y.
And use our code at checkout. And you guys, if you have any questions about the event, the resort, or what to expect, just reach out. I mean, we're here for you. We're happy to help. So once again, ticketforplay.com forward slash Swinky, the code SwingerU-VIP. We really want to see you there.
We recently recorded an episode where we talked about our first full swap experience it was quite memorable for us and a lot of you really liked that episode as well as a matter of fact it's been our most popular video up to this point but we had some questions we had some listener comments that we really think we can address so we we're going to, in this episode, talk about the things that we didn't talk about in that episode. I'm excited.
I love listener questions and comments because it sparks conversation and we get to sit here and have more fun conversations with each other yeah definitely okay so you're going to read the uh the comment right or the question yes i'm going to all right so here's the question this was from the ranch hand it's too bad you didn't discuss the psychological reactions you had. Seems like for the first time doing that full swap, it was just like a nothing burger. I was kind of curious what your reactions were to see each other in that situation with another person.
That would have been a great topic, I know people that have tried and some of the emotional stuff that came up around it was pretty intense. All right, let's talk about some of our first time feelings because that was one part of his questions. And I guess the first part of that is why did we do it? And that's easy for me because we knew them pretty well. We had been on several meet and greets. We had been on a boat day, meet and greet, gathering. So, gosh, I think we had probably spent a good, I don't know, it's hard to calculate how many hours.
We've known them for many, many hours on several occasions. So, talking with them, hanging out with them was really lovely. and i felt extremely comfortable around her and i think it was mostly well it was the both of them but her first my comfort level with her first is is key and has honestly always been key for me in a lifestyle if I'm not having a connection with the woman, it's not happening. I have to be 100% comfortable with her. I mean, not 100%, but very comfortable. So in your mind, was it the relationship with the couple or was it more just the vibe?
The hormones were going and everything was super exciting? It was definitely what I said before, which was the amount of time we spent getting to know them, that they were easy to get to know, that there was a good match, right?
There was a good gel and nice flirtatious vibe that was going on and uh it was really comfortable with the wife very comfortable and I think the environment also probably helped especially at that particular party that night that we decided to full swap with them because it was a comfortable environment well it was a little uncomfortable for me because there was a a fair amount of people i didn't know so i wasn't completely comfortable in that home because i'd never been to the home before right never met a bunch of those people but that couple that we full swapped with i knew them and and they were my point people to kind of gravitate to.
So I guess in a sense that really helped me be more comfortable because I was gravitating to them. Yeah, and I was going to say, and I'm pretty sure we mentioned this in the original episode, and it was, we'd spent a long time talking about it and debating it. and they kind of checked a bunch of boxes for us in terms of comfort level and attractiveness. We just thought that they were the right couple to do that. If we were going to do it with anybody, it was going to be with them. Yeah. Because it just made the most sense. I think we'd spent a lot of time with them.
Not just familiarity with different events, but the conversations we'd had with them like we'd kind of gotten to know them pretty well yeah yeah which was i guess unusual past that point because throughout our journey we've basically just been DTF. We rarely spent that much time getting to know a couple. I think they were rare. Yeah. And honestly our first time was lovely. It was nice.
I'm glad it was them yeah and to be clear dtf in this particular instance or this scenario was down to full swap right because we hadn't full swapped yet right so down down to do other shenanigans everything but that right right i remember so the the next question really in in here is about watching each other and while it was going on i don't think we watched each other that much i mean we kind of looked over to see what was going on and there was definitely some conversation between the two couples but I don't think I spent a lot of time like watching what was going on I was pretty focused on what I had going on I do remember watching and I remember being it was probably i don't remember i i do remember watching right because i remember seeing her and i remember reaching over and touching her yes and you know asking to touch her and she was touching me we were holding hands and i was caressing her and but what as far as watching goes i didn't watch a whole lot of you two having sex right because i was focused on my own experience yes and that's kind of what i was thinking i did watch you two just a little bit after he and i had gotten up you guys were still going of course of course um which has been your mo for most of our our experience um and and yes you're welcome to all those ladies.
You're welcome. But I will say watching you have sex with somebody else at that point, I know for a fact, was not a level of comfort for me. and i've talked about this in other podcasts before it really didn't get comfortable for me until oh my gosh i don't know six seven years in yeah yeah it was a very long time it wasn't until a couple years ago really that you got comfortable with that yeah and it wasn't like we were swinging like once a year or even twice a year we were very active yeah yeah so i We'll be right back.
like once a year or even twice a year we were very active yeah yeah so i the reason for that is watching pulled my focus away from my own experience so i didn't like to do that plus it didn't really do anything for me it didn't turn me on it didn't make me jealous it didn't make me envious it just did nothing yeah so i was usually more interested in what was going on with the other woman i you know i wanted to touch her i wanted to be next to her um and by default i would i would see what was going on obviously the pleasure you were giving her but wasn't really like yeah that was wanting to see it for you yeah yeah whereas the guys are like oh yeah i want to watch i'm like yeah i could care so it was it was interesting and i i don't i don't still to this day don't really know what switched in my mind and maybe it is that we are at a level of comfort with one another what 12 years in because most people that our age that start swinging have been in 20-year relationships 30-year relationships they've got that bond they've had kids together we didn't have kids together we weren't married when we started we didn't have that rock foundation right so i you know i'm guessing that's maybe what it was.
I wish I knew what switched in my mind, but now I love watching. In fact, I love watching to the point where I will actually just sit back and eat the popcorn and not even participate. Like, I'll just watch. It's been a pretty big shift recently. Which is nice. For sure. It's fun. pretty big shift recently. Which is nice. For sure. It's fun. I actually enjoy that now. Yeah. You really like it. It's a lot of fun for you. Yeah. And when I was describing how I didn't watch, I think a lot of it was the environment.
And other than kind of looking over to see what was going on but I think a lot of it too I do enjoy watching and kind of sitting back on the bed and watching you do your thing and that kind of didn't happen that night all that much I think we were really kind of compartmentalizing and being focused on what was going on so Thank you.
we were really kind of compartmentalizing and and being focused on what was going on so okay can we talk about october for a second oh my god yeah i've been waiting for this we were invited to be guest speakers for two engagements on a six-star crystal cruise ship with 310 lifestyle couples and it sails from montreal to boston during the peak foliage season i'm super excited and honestly i'm really nervous yeah it's kind of a version of like a swinger ted talk that we're gonna have to do oh my god i know and more importantly, if you know the brand, it's LLV, Luxury Lifestyle Vacations.
You may have seen them and they're sexy playmakers with their fun red hats. This ship, the Crystal Symphony, is classy. Butler service for every single room, Michelin rated restaurants, full spa, clothing optional, sensual playrooms, like everything, theme nights and international DJ. So it's luxury and nudity? Oh man, this is going to be great. The bottom line is we want you there with us.
It's 310 couples and like all their vacations they book up fast they really do their vacations are extremely popular so please come with us and in order to find it all you have to do is go to our swingerlinks.com and look for the llv sensual voyage we hope you'll join us there well and our brains were overwhelmed with all the stimulus there's so many things that are running through your mind and of course you know hormones coursing through your body that you kind of just are in it yeah i i did want to articulate a little bit better what i like about watching now sure and it it comes i think to that concept of compersion where i can truly sit back and enjoy your enjoyment and enjoy the enjoyment of somebody else that's receiving pleasure from you and hearing those sounds of her pleasure and knowing exactly what you're doing to her gives me joy, gives me pleasure, gives me satisfaction that she's deriving pleasure from an act that you're doing.
And I don't know, it just makes me warm and fuzzy. And that, I guess I'd believe, is the compersion aspect. Yeah, it's like a public service. We're doing a good thing for the community. It is. We're building the swinger community one fuck at a time. One couple at a time. Yeah. I said it a little differently. Yes. If anybody who caught that. So one of the things that was in this original comment was about like the emotional content of what we were feeling at the time. And I don't think we had really strong feelings. Like jealousy didn't come up. No. Envy didn't come up.
and I think part of that was we'd probably you didn't come up no um envy didn't come up um and i think part of that was we probably over processed it in our heads in terms of like how we wanted it to go and who it was and all of that like we we kind of played it out how it was going to go in our heads and it went really well, it could have gone poorly and it may have changed our situation, which is probably what happens with a lot of people where they try some stuff and then those deep emotions come out and it brings up past traumas or relationship issues or whatever. And it just, there it is.
It's like right there in your lap and you have to deal with it we didn't have a lot of that now you'd you'd had a previous relationship where he had cheated on you but i kind of think we'd addressed a lot of that stuff within the first like six months or a year of swinging yeah um so a lot of conversations around that yeah yeah and that that trauma didn't kind of come back we'd kind of like put that aside and he was a guy you were dating i'm not trying to diminish how that was but it's not like your husband of like 10 years was cheating on you right the guy was kind of a tool to begin with and you'd had red flags all along and then he finally did it and so it was kind of like yeah bad on me yeah yeah and and well really bad on him but just it wasn't too unexpected but it was disappointing i think for you well yeah they cheated oh yeah well and it rocked my world i it made me question how could i not know right about what does that say about me as a person to not be able to to acknowledge those red flags and and honor those and why didn't I see it right and so I I felt like wow I can't even I can't even pick a good one right so it became a beating myself up about it as well yeah exactly you weren't very kind to yourself about that no and realizing that the guy was kind of sneaky he did all the right things because he was quite the salesman oh yeah he was he was 100 and a really good yeah salesman now there was something else you were touching on where we have experienced envy i have with and jealousy with another couple early on and that played into your connection with her was stronger than my connection with him right so you and the woman were just vibing off of each other big time just massively and me and the guy weren't so much and i am also a slow warmer so and you aren't so you're you know 10 miles down the road and i'm way back here yeah so when we are out of sync in that way I'm going to show you myself i'm i'm aware of it and i use the appropriate language to tell myself, you know, we're fine.
We're all good. Or I will ask for something that I need in that moment. Right. Rather than just let the train get away from us because it's a group activity. Yeah. And after that, it happened a couple times, a small handful of times. I was better at trying to keep pace with where you were. And we both did a better job of like checking in with each other to see, you know, where we were before we committed to anything, et cetera, et cetera. It was an unusual circumstance that one particular night and if I remember right, that was the one in Reno. Yeah.
Poker, poker nights and um he knows exactly i knew exactly what it was and and it's interesting because we've run across that couple a few times yeah and i i don't have the same reaction to her as i did that one night there was just something about her that night that just pressed all my buttons i don't know what it was yeah that's awesome so the next question we had from the same gentleman was or from somebody else was what happened to that couple and i thought we talked a little bit about that but we can talk about it again yeah yeah they um they went through some some drama um in their their lives and it was it was rough it was ugly yeah they they ended up getting a divorce she ended up getting really sick um she's better now um there's a massive custody fight um the husband was doing shady things or accusing her of of doing things to get full custody right it was your typical like really ugly really ugly dirty but to the point where i mean it was he was filing false reports and things like that right whether it was true or not i don't really know because i didn't know them that well we well we tended to back off at that point because that wasn't anything we wanted to get involved in.
I had just been through a divorce and didn't want to deal with all that. They, go ahead. I was just going to say, and this happened a couple of years after. We continued to interact with them and hang out with them. And I'm pretty sure we had sex with them a number of times after that. Before we found out. Before we found out about. He was a serial cheater. Cheater, yeah. Which was a whole other thing. And they were pretty heavy drug users, which we didn't know about until later. So that came out as well.
Giving drugs to their kids, like that i mean their kids were of age but yeah they were adults but yeah it was there was some really crazy dynamics family dynamics going on there that weren't the most healthy in my in my humble perspective but yeah there's kind of pros and cons with what they were doing in that particular case and it's i guess the closest equivalent that most people can deal with is you know your your kid comes of age for drinking and so right you you set them down and you have your first drink with them in a controlled environment where they're not know that they're safe etc etc well they use the same rationale with yeah the ecstasy but right i mean it you know there's pros and cons to that i can see both sides yeah right a little bit but yeah all in all they were lovely people at the time things got.
I'm sure they're still lovely people. A lot of challenges. The other unfortunate part was the family, their extensive family, was informed of their lifestyle. Right. And that made it even more ugly. Yeah, they kind of outed.
i don't know if they outed themselves or if he kind of outed them something happened and the family found out and it was they pretty much lost all their family which it was bad was also very tragic so it was it was a very stressful time yes for sure time and um and then as a result they got out of the lifestyle and we haven't heard from them at all we don't hear or see them in any of those circles out of state and he as far as i knew they they moved they sold their house and moved away from from our area so we've never run into them again never so yeah yeah so that That was great.
moved away from from our area so we we've never run into them again never so yeah yeah so that was that the next question we got was when was our next full swap after that first one so we've ripped the band-aid off now yeah pulled pulled the pin on the whatever and we're we're going we're we're loose and i'm trying to remember who the next full swap was it was definitely condoms always yeah after that it was definitely with condoms all the time i would have to say it was probably at one of the big events and it doesn't stand out it wasn't our first so it doesn't stand out as much as the the first time right and you know it probably it was probably uh miss america and uh oh and and our bondage buddy oh that was a lot of fun that was a lot of fun that may not have been the next one but that was like one of the first ones after that where it was a big halloween event and we ended up being next-door neighbors to them and we got in we got we we had a really hard time trying to find other couples i do remember trying to date other couples from the dating adult dating sites yep and we'd had a couple dinner dates and drink dates and dinner date was a big mistake it was too too much commitment yeah we were locked into a booth we couldn't get up it was was just not a great experience as i destroy my studio here um and we we couldn't figure out what we were doing wrong yeah we.
We were like, okay, we finally got everything right and now everything was wrong again. And it was really disheartening. Sure. And that's when we found our groove with orgies and being DTF. Right.
And we made some really great connections in that regard and that's where we hit our stride yeah a lot of a lot of after parties at the the hotel events were i think where we spent most of our play time for sure and i could we could probably say there were three or four couples that we ended up actually hooking up with with the the dinner date kind of drink date thing the one-on-one situation oh i don't think so but literally like two or three oh maybe at the time and and some of them turned really weird. We've got some weird stories. Yeah. All right.
I'm going to pull up the comments from this episode because we might as well, right? We're reading one comment. We'll read through a few more. Here's the first comment, top of the list. And they learned from us or they're taking their own twist on it. And they said, my wife wants a full swap, but I was not sure. Having both listened to your experience, we have decided that we will, but with condoms. Yay, good. Good. Condoms, condoms, good. Someone had asked if we had the HPV vaccine.
And if replied at the at the time but to let you know if you haven't read the comments we do not have the hpv vaccine because we're too old and it's only administered up to a certain age right and once it's once you're past that age they don't actually give out that vaccine so if you're within the range check with your doctor it's worth getting vaccinated for i do have an update on that however because we are in a community that we will list in this video that we love i have have the amazing pleasure of being part of the ladies section part of that community.
Anyone can, well, you can't, but any lady can. And one of the women asked her general practitioner to give her that vaccine, even though she was past that age limit. Interesting.
the fight to get it i just didn't think it was effective it i think what it is is a little more risky to your health as you start to age that makes sense and she really wanted it she checked with her doctor and they agreed okay but they they had to really fight for it and i i i swear she said her husband got it too and i don't didn't think that that was uh a thing for men yeah so maybe it was just her but um she she did get it after that age age limit so if you want it push for it yeah talk to your definitely talk to your physician and see if it's an option and what the risks are yeah um this comment uh things haven't changed a lot since we were in the lifestyle 40 years ago our very first experience was attending a swingers dance with maybe 75 or so people there we got invited to a party after the dance to which we obviously said yes you guys took a full year and a half for your first full swap question mark we did it at the first party and never looked back it was great i'll leave it there for now i know i know a lot of people that have done that but yeah jump in both feet right no regrets yes and we've seen people do that and then leave the lifestyle six months later but we've also seen people do that that have been together that's i think the key they they've been together for many many years we hadn't been together for very long no like a year yeah so yeah oh and there's there's the ranch hands comment i will go past that because we did this whole episode just for you not just for you but this this particular comment says don't sugarcoat what the other couple did they lied or at least Thank you.
not just for you but this this particular comment says don't sugarcoat what the other couple did they lied or at least one of them did which is true and we've commented on that a number of times that yeah they did infidelity in the lifestyle is almost worse than infidelity in a committed monogamous relationship. They're both bad. But in a non-monogamous relationship, everybody else who's engaged with that couple is also experiencing that infidelity.
So if they're out there playing unsafely and maybe contracting STIs, any of their partners that are in lifestyle are also going to be experiencing that. And if they're lying about it, oh, we're exclusive or we're a limited group and only our group do we play bareback with, which we've heard a number of times. Oh, yeah. Based on our experience, that's not really enough to go by because. And it's not really true. People kind of step out from their relationships or they forgot. Oh, yeah, there was that one other girl or that other couple or that unicorn. Yep. Or that one time at band camp. Yeah.
Or you're at the club and you hit it off with somebody and you want to seize the moment you're not going to be like calling up you right you hurt your couple at 10 o'clock or 1 a.m in the morning hey uh i know we have an agreement that i'm not supposed to be bareback with anybody else but uh can i with this girl tonight it's 1 a.m can you give it back to me hello you just need a group text message and you just send it out to everybody and we're like we're gonna get down with this other one you've all been notified there you go yeah this one this was a nice comment this that was a great story you both sound like you are a wonderful couple and very nice people thank you for sharing that oh oh uh someone else asked did you do oral no i don't think we we did not no we did not we went straight yeah yeah no foreplay straight to business that time most of the rest of the time we're all about the foreplay yeah never heard about this before it sounds like a fleeting experience how does it affect quality of your life overall i'm not judging the effects of intimacy stay with me long long after the real time experience i think this was a general comment about swinging in general yeah um that's a question.
It is a good question. Are we going to talk about that? Yeah. Okay. I think swinging in general is a series of fleeting experiences. You remember them, right? They stick with you over time. Yeah.
But they're like these brief exciting moments yeah it's not the day-to-day excitement that you get with your significant other or your partner it's random it's kind of like a hot flash yeah yes it's like going on a vacation and you're you get this high from going on vacation and you're just like oh my god that was the best vacation right and then it over time it peters out now i will say that level of intimacy never i it didn't i don't want to say i didn't experience it until we introduced a single male right to our dynamic right which we just talked about in our our last episode Right.
So for intimacy, it, I didn't, I didn't experience that. And maybe part of that is that we just didn't know the couples that well. We were in orgies. We were DTF. We knew them well enough to have good conversation and things like that, but we didn't like know them. And we were in play situations that were always public and exposed because we're exhibitionists.
So we aren't having quiet, intimate, slow moments with the lights in the bedroom and no one else is around and the music is but we're not not that that's what intimacy is but i always think it's going to be it's going to be more focused right and we have had a few sessions with a few couples where those were focused moments, but I didn't get that. I guess it was intimate. Yeah, I guess it was.
so in a non-public space it's more intimate but the the feels from which which is different than intimacy uh was way more apparent with the single male yeah and i think that's a really good distinction between like emotional attachment or hormonal attachment yes and having an intimate moment with someone because i Because I think we've had a small number of really intimate experiences with particular couples. Ooh, Chico was a really good. That was a really good one.
And I think the New Year's party with all the lights where at the end of the the night it was like 4 a.m and we we hadn't full swapped with any of the couples there it was just soft swap with everybody yeah that was amazing and it was very intimate and everybody was really in touch with each other and it was it was fantastic yeah it was like this pink glow in the room and everyone was just mushy and cuddly and glowy and yeah it was lovely it was a it was a great experience yeah here's an interesting question was there a doctor there to test everybody for stds uh no no and that's not how it works uh there probably was a doctor there but there probably was a doctor he wasn't testing no and testing really doesn't work until you are starting to show symptoms or that you can run a test and detect it and so the viral or bacterial load has to build up in your system before it's even visible in tests.
So you could have sex with someone and get a blood test right that minute, and it's not going to tell you anything, even if they are just overflowing with STIs. Right.
It just it's still gonna take anywhere from seven to gosh sometimes seven days sometimes to like 90 days for some of the STIs or longer right which is why you always retest and not have partners in between yes and using condoms so learn from our mistake not that we ended up with an sti but no it was a mistake for sure um hi guys love your videos my partner and i are new to this and we are getting the impression that most of the sex at the that event you were describing was unprotected yours clearly was as you described What about the other folks?
You didn't mention any lube and condom jars supplied by the host. I thought this was the norm. Is this typical in larger events? Like this? Cruises? Swinger clubs? We're not judging. We're just trying to get ready for our first time. Typically, yeah, there are lubes and condoms in a room there's a small basket it's hit and miss depends on the venue if it's a club right in texas or other areas that can have a sex club then yes they will provide those. Larger events will provide those. But for the most part, women are picky about their lube and men are picky about their condoms.
And women are also picky about their condoms because some have latex allergies and some can't use spermicide in their condoms. So most women bring their own. And a lot of people did bring their own. This was a house party. They didn't supply that. Yeah. So everyone just brought their own. We brought our own. We did. We did. We just. And I will say, I don't recall condoms at Hedonism. No. And I don't recall ever seeing condoms on the cruises. Right. So, really big events, typically not.
Your average house party, yeah, typically they'll put some lube out and some condoms, the house parties that we've been to. Yeah, about half of them. Yeah, it's up to the discretion of the hosts yeah um in terms of unprotected sex i i don't recall if unprotected sex was the norm at that party here's why we sail on virgin it's's adults only. No kids screaming at breakfast, no family buffet lines, just champagne at noon, late night pool parties, and people who actually want to be there. The vibe? Think boutique hotel that happens to float.
Tattoo parlors, drag brunch, restaurants you'd actually pay for on land. Plus, when you're looking to connect with other couples who know how to have fun, let's just say Virgin attracts a very specific type of adventurous. No wonder Bread Cruiser's here, just your people.
i don't know there's a lot of shenanigans in the hot tub so perhaps yeah yeah but i you know i wasn't really paying attention i wasn't i wasn't really paying attention like you you want to to look and watch and enjoy what's going on in front of you but you're not like analyzing you know right you're not like being a creeper and we weren't looking specifically for that either right sometimes light is low sometimes you don't see it and we were you gotta catch somebody in the moment putting one on all you can't always see it on somebody. So it was a little bit hard to tell. This is another one.
The no condom was a shocker. After being in the lifestyle for a few years, I had a repeat partner that just took my condom off and kept going. Later, after an HIV scare, I told my wife at the time i was out we tested negative but our usual couple tested positive a few couples at that time tested positive we were lucky to get out negative we saw a few couples split and it wasn't pretty this was back when we lived in central Florida. Big scene there. Be safe, condom. Yeah, 100% agree. It was one of those, like, heat of the moment things, and it could have been very bad.
It could have been really bad.
And I, honestly, I attribute that to just our our level of confidence speaking up using our words right we were so excited in the moment we didn't want to ruin the mood it wouldn't have ruined the mood we didn't know that we were awkward yeah it you know it just yeah it wasn't our best decision and we rectified that very quickly because we got scared yeah this is another st sti question uh one major major thing that prevents me from doing that is that we might get some venereal disease how do you know the other people are disease free i can't bring myself to get with another girl not knowing anything about her any tips you don't you don't know it's a it is a level of risk but that is exactly why you wear condoms because you put as much protection as you can on and you do a risk assessment we did our own risk assessment that fit us and our life and we did our research we researched all the risks for all the stis how they're cured what happens when you get them how long it you know what what does it look like when you get one right right how long does it last we went to the cdc and a whole bunch of other websites and did our research and our level of risk at the time we started was different when we were raising kids yeah versus you know not raising kids so we and as we've progressed in the lifestyle we've we've learned more about stis and and medicines have changed they've they've got prep now and other preventative medicines what's the other one not prep prep is the preventative one but what's the other one uh there's a pep also a pep that's the one i was thinking of yeah so your risk level may be different based on you know what you've got going on in your life and who who you need to be be there for um your your health your personal health how you feel about that um i have a really good friend who is a professed germaphobe, and she is really, really picky about what she will do and with who and how.
And if you want to have sex with her, you basically have to walk into the room like you're a surgeon. Yeah. Suit me up, doctor. Yeah. Yeah. So everyone's different. Yeah. And a number of other people commented on, you know, STIs just in general.
And one thing I want to be really clear about, because I think there's a misconception with swingers that, you know, it free-for-all and everybody's just having sex with everybody else and you know stis are pretty rampant it's actually pretty low um in terms of stis because people are being careful and they are using condoms generally they are washing up in between partners and yeah they're changing there's a lot of mutual respect for other couples and so you don't want to do that to somebody else. Right.
I will say that if you are a serial monogamist or you are a single person and you're out having a good time and you're sowing your wild oats, you're probably at a higher risk because these are random connections and you just, you don't know very much about the person that you're you're dating at that particular time or hooking up with from a bar so understand that risk is risk and if you're not playing protected then you are running a higher risk so you know you know. And we have run into couples that are unapologetic about their position, and they say, you know what, I don't care.
I don't like condoms. I play bareback. And you know what, if I get something, there's a medicine for it. Right. We've met a number of couples that say that. And that's our perspective. We still choose to wear condoms with them. Which is their right to have that position. And, well, usually we don't play with people with that perspective. That's true. We know them, but we don't typically play them. Well, yes, because you can still get STIs around the condom. Correct. Depending on what's going on in the area. Correct. Yes, condoms do not make you bulletproof. No.
But they do go a long way to helping. Yeah. So if there is a known STI, there's definitely things that you can do to help with that. Yeah. I don't remember if it's the prep or the pep but they are a um a prophylactic treatment pre-sti so talk to your doctor and let's see what else we have here yeah i i you know in general i think most people were concerned about the STIs, the potential STI scares and just generally the reaction and whatever happened to that couple. So I think we covered just about all of that. Perfect. Well, keep commenting and keep questioning.
We love, I really love answering these questions. What about you? Oh, yeah oh yeah definitely and if you have a question that you want to ask us directly feel free to call us at 916-538-0482 or go to our website and do use our little hotline it's really cool and we'll mask your voice and change your name if you want it. So just let us know. And you can record there as well because it's completely anonymous on the website. And we'll put you on air. We'll put you right on the podcast on YouTube.
We'd love to hear your comments so let us know and as we say keep learning keep growing and keep it sexy Oh, one last thing before you go. If this episode helped you in any way, the single best thing you can do to support the show is leaving a rating and review. It takes 60 seconds and helps new people find us when they're searching for relationship education. And we've made it easy. Visit swingeruniversity.com forward slash review. All the instructions are there. Thank you for being part of this community. We'll see you again soon.
