Want to send us a message? Ever wondered what red flags you should watch for in the swinging lifestyle? In this episode of Swinger University, Ed and Phoebe dive deep into real-life stories of dates gone wrong, rude behavior, mismatched expectations, and questionable consent. From couples who show a totally different side on a second date, to partners who don’t seem on the same page, we share the signs that made us question, “Is this really the couple for us?”✨ In this episode, you ll hear about:A disastrous dinner date with an incredibly rude couple (seriously, who sends food back over a heating lamp?!)Stories of awkward power dynamics where one partner speaks for the otherConsent concerns in situations where one person seems uncomfortableThe challenge of navigating mixed signals, unreciprocated flirting, and introvert/extrovert mismatchesTips on spotting red flags before you end up in an uncomfortable or unsafe situationWe want you to enjoy the lifestyle safely, confidently, and drama-free! This episode is perfect for swinger newbies, experienced lifestylers, or anyone curious about navigating ethical non-monogamy and consensual swinging with respect.🔔 Don’t forget to Subscribe to Swinger University for more lifestyle tips, real stories, and candid conversations about the swinging lifestyle, open relationships, ethical non-monogamy, and adult community events. Support the showWant More?👀 Watch on YouTube: YouTube ShowFull video versions and interactive live episodes!Bonus episodes, exclusive content, and 🌶️Extras: https://www.patreon.com/SwingerUniversity 🛳️🎉Looking for lifestyle events in your area? T4P is the go-to directory for clubs, parties, and resort events. Browse now at Ticket4Play.com Custom SU T-shirts and gear: Our Amazon StoreSwingerLinks.com - live schedule, special offers*, and our 🌶️links!Our Website - Leave us a message, articles, and sexy products3 Ways to get your question on our show:RECORD it on our website at: https://swingeruniversity.com/contact/EMAIL a recorded voice note to: [email protected]: (916) 538-0482 and leave a voicemail.* We get a commission if you decide to purchase through our links, at no cost to you.
Transcript
We have to talk about something we've been genuinely excited about for months, and our patrons actually got a preview of this already. Jamaica! Yes, we are going back, and actually, we have a great offer for you guys. Yeah, it's Swingcation. It's October 11th through the 18th at Hedonism 2. And if you don't know what Swingcation is, it's pretty easy. Swinger plus kink plus vacation. It's a hosted group with real structure, workshops, lectures, real conversations with experts who are passionate about bringing and bridging that gap between the swinger world and the kink world.
And we're not just going as attendees. We're going as featured presenters, which is exciting. We'll be leading sessions. So if you come, we actually get to hang out with you. Which brings up something we should mention. When you use our code, yes, we got a code, you're not just getting a discount. You're getting the signature swing experience, which means $100 off per person, up to $200 per room, but it also means that we make time for you. An exclusive breakfast, lunch, cocktail hour, or one-hour and one time with us directly, plus more surprise benefits.
Here's something that's really unique. You could actually contribute by hosting a discussion or running a Skillshare. I know it's scary, but if you have something that you want to contribute, that's a big part of why this event is so special. Everyone there has something to bring to the table. All right, details. If you book before April 25th, you save $400. Plus, they gave us that special code that gets you an additional $200, and the special code is SWINGERU-VIP. So book through TicketForPlay.com forward slash Swinky. That's T-I-C-K-E-T, the number four, play.com forward slash S-W-I-N-K-Y.
And use our code at checkout. And you guys, if you have any questions about the event, the resort, or what to expect, just reach out. I mean, we're here for you. We're happy to help. So once again, ticketforplay.com forward slash Swinky, the code SwingerU-VIP. We really want to see you there. Have you ever been out on a date and had something happen that made you question whether you were with the right couple? Maybe they said something or did something that you didn't quite like or made you unsure of where they stood.
We're going to get into all of that today and talk about red flags in the lifestyle. Welcome to Swinger University. I'm Ed. And I'm Phoebe. We were inspired to bring this topic forward, something that's been in our backlog, and we've talked about red flags before, but there was a social media post recently that really resonated with us from Kate at Wanderlust Swingers. So we thought we'd kind of add our little bit about it and tell you some stories about things that had happened to us and kind of give you some insight into our experiences. So let's start off with our story.
A while back, we'd met a couple at a Halloween hotel takeover. They were very nice. They were a sexy couple. And we said, we want to get to know them a little bit better. So we'd connected with them before the New Year's event and decided to have a little pre-party dinner and met them at a local restaurant. Yes. Sounds really great, right? I mean, it all sounds wonderful. What's the big deal, right? This happens all the time with people. So keep going with this story because I'm curious on your take on how you tell the story.
yeah so we show up at the restaurant and we're i think they showed up on time no they were late their first red flag we were seated and eventually they did show up we sent them a message to let them know that we'd already been seated and they were really late like a good half hour i believe and i at this point was thinking they're not going to show up good grief we need to we need to order and just get on because the evening there's timing involved right you need to go back get changed prepare there's pre-parties and then the party of the of the evening so you know time is of the essence chop chop more fun to be had right so there we are we're sitting in this the middle of this restaurant And we'd, I think we'd ordered drinks, but we hadn't ordered dinner.
No, we did. We'd already ordered dinner. We were like, oh, this is not going to happen. we just assumed they weren't going to show up so we'd ordered our meals and the waitress was very accommodating and of course she said oh you have two people who were showing up etc etc our dinner arrives then the The waitress was very accommodating. And, of course, she said, oh, you have two people who are showing up, et cetera, et cetera. Our dinner arrives. Then the couple shows up. Yeah. So now that's awkward and strange because we're like, wow, we didn't think you were going to show up.
We didn't say that, but that was the thought in my head and probably very prevalent on my face. And now they're sitting there watching us eat. That's awkward. So our food is getting cold while we're trying to have conversation and not eat too right much of our meal because their meal is supposed to be coming. All right.
Anyway, I'm already getting frustrated yeah and they sit down and of course they they order but they're they're a little short with the waitress at this point they're very short with her they take a a while to pick and choose what they want yeah so they'd they'd order some special things off the menu but they had a lot of questions about it and that's not unusual i mean everybody's got different dietary requirements so it kind of makes sense that they're being a little specific about what they want and whether it's going to work or not anyway they order and the food arrives so they're sitting with the food and looking at it and the first question that she asked was was this under a heating lamp who asks that they did apparently I've never heard this question.
So I'm shocked. And now it's starting to build, right? Because they're late. We've moved forward. Our dinner's getting cold. We're trying to be accommodating. They're having all these questions and considerations.
the server is speechless she's like she was taken aback she was like um yeah well i think i could go check but we do have heating lamps up there so most likely it could have been and she says what the the woman who who asked that question what did she say well if it's been under a heating lamp then it has to go back to the kitchen because this is never supposed to be under a heating lamp awkward silence like what do you okay i mean we're not at a five-star restaurant no i mean this is a very nice restaurant yeah probably a three four star maybe i don't know it's it wasn't cheap in the mall well it's not the food court i'm gonna be more specific by being in the mall it's a pillar there's wood pant you know like really nice wood interior people dress up for this like yeah this is a nice it's a nice restaurant it's a pillar there's wood pant you know like really nice wood interior people dress up for this like yeah this is a nice it's a nice restaurant it's a very nice restaurant but it's not ruth chris it's not you know a 500 meal this is not at the four seasons right but it's a nice restaurant it's a very nice restaurant so so now the food goes back I don't know.
right but it's a nice restaurant it's a very nice restaurant so so now the food goes back right and now there's more awkward conversation which was throwing me off because we'd had such great conversation before at a okay like you know like a two-star what hotel diner where the the diner was just on its last legs needed to be poorly redecorated and the food was crap and they were fun and had no issue with the food there so right it was the hotel denny's it wasn't a denny's right it was the equivalent of that right so we're like wow where did this who's this couple where did that come from when you were okay with denny's but now you're not okay with yeah i'm confused it was very incongruous with who we'd connected with before yeah which they were replaced by aliens which is a red flag for us because here it is we've gone through the whole you know song and dance of like getting to know a couple and then you have a second interaction with them and it's not the same couple like this is yeah zero behavior like you think this this is the replaced by aliens right right this is that whole um conversation that people have with us about people we find some people just aren't genuine and we're like what do you mean well this like right what explains that maybe they weren't genuine before or they are now they're real the real faces are coming out now and it was before it was just an acting job who knows it was puzzling so we've never honestly I've never encountered this in anywhere of my life whether it's swinging or vanilla so it was quite shocking to me okay so dinner comes second dinner comes right and the waitress was apologizing she said it wasn't under the heat lamp and I'm at this point mouthing I'm sorry to the waitress because she just looks really distraught right and she's young and she just looked like she's about to cry so now I feel bad for the waitress.
Okay, can we talk about October for a second? Oh my God, yeah. I've been waiting for this. We were invited to be guest speakers for two engagements on a six-star crystal cruise ship with 310 lifestyle couples. And it sails from Montreal to Boston during during the peak foliage season i'm super excited and honestly i'm really nervous yeah it's kind of a version of like a swinger ted talk that we're gonna have to do oh my god i know and more importantly if you know the brand it's's LLV, Luxury Lifestyle Vacations. You may have seen them and they're sexy playmakers with their fun red hats.
This ship, the Crystal Symphony, is classy. Butler service for every single room, Michelin rated restaurants, full spa, clothing optional, sensual playrooms like everything theme nights and international dj so it's luxury and nudity oh man this is gonna be great the bottom line is we want you there with us it's 310 couples and like all their vac they book up fast. They really do. Their vacations are extremely popular. So please come with us. And in order to find it, all you have to do is go to ourswingerlinks.com and look for the LLV Sensual Voyage. We hope you'll join us.
And it was worse than that because it wasn't just this whole sending the meal back and her having to bring it out like that you could kind of go yeah that's that's somewhat normal maybe it was something off maybe there was it was spicy maybe they'd included the mushrooms in the dish and the person had said i don't want mushrooms. They actually started getting rude and snippy with her and very, very dismissive with her. And we, that's when we started kind of apologizing for what was going on. And we felt very uncomfortable sitting there.
This is where i start racking up how much tip she's going to get at the end of the meal to compensate for their poor behavior because i'm like oh my god this poor woman right and so now this couple who we were trying to connect with and you know build even better relationship with them now we're thinking in the back of our heads holy crap they're gonna cost us more money because we're gonna have to like over tip this waitress girl yeah to make up for their poor behavior right it was it was really disturbing. Yes. And then, so the meal comes and they don't even eat.
They pick yeah disturbing yes and then so the meal comes and they don't even eat they they picked at it right they spent i don't know 30 40 dollars on the on on each of their plates and they just picked like she didn't even eat the one the woman who was the the biggest complainer right was just picking at it yeah so we were really really confused i i wished i was sitting on the outside because it was a booth if if we had been sitting in chairs and a table i would have got my ass up and left yes i know a lot of people are saying oh my god you should have just kicked them out of the booth and left anyway but yeah i didn't want to create a scene it was a busy restaurant it's a nice place i'm not i wasn't interested in having all eyes on me well and and here's the thing do you do you add insult to injury do you continue to escalate it Or do you just kind of let it go and then sort it out later and run as fast as you can once you get away oh my god so the check comes we over tip we may have walked up to the waitress and said i apologize and once we left the restaurant we steered clear of them the rest of the night thank god it was a massive party and easy to get lost because i didn't want to see them ever again and and ironically we've never seen no that's not true we did see we ran into her at a house party and her behavior was the same she sat in a corner while some other single guy came up and gave her food brought her food to her table and she had this whole look down her everybody.
Yeah, she was, we described it at the time as she was holding court. Yes. Which was very strange. This was a small house party. Like, this was not something super lavish, et cetera. And the food was, you know, mac and cheese and spam and, you know, something like elaborate.
But maybe she just didn't want to be seen at the table because it was beneath her who knows it was so weird oh my gosh anyway red flag lots of red flags with that particular one so needless to say we wrote them off like we haven't engaged them since then and and they're gone thank goodness one of the other things that we've seen happen with couples is one of them is very quiet yeah and it's not just one is an introvert, one is an extrovert. It goes beyond that. So we've met a number of couples in the lifestyle.
It's not really common, but it happens often enough where you should be aware of this happening. And that's that the wife doesn't do any talking at all. And the husband basically answers for her. Yeah, that's creepy. Well, I shouldn't say that. Because it could be a dom-sub relationship, but they haven't come forward and informed us that that's the role that they're displaying that evening so it we have sort of run into that early on where we weren't allowed to talk to her we could only talk to him but we figured that out years later and we didn't understand what was going on there. Right.
I think that was one of our first parties ever when that happened. Yeah, it could be, but it may also not be. Knowing what I know now, if I run into that again, that would be the first question that I ask. Are you in a dom-sub relationship? If they don't disclose that, I can ask that. If they say no, then I know for sure, red flag. Yeah. And the thing that's kind of weird for us is it really starts to bring up questions of consent. Like, are they on the same page? Are they telling the same story and And the body language there is they're not on the same page.
That the wife's kind of going along with it or the husband. Like, we're calling out the missus at this point, but it doesn't have to be that way. It could also be the husband, although it tends to be the wife that's in this situation. Another interesting situation that's similar to this is where the couples are, it appears that they're on different pages.
So the husband seems super gung-ho and all on board, but then you'll have one of those bathroom conversations with the wife and something will come up that kind of pricks up your ears yeah you they present well and it seems like they're there with the same purpose they're on the same page like you said you have this conversation with the husband all thumbs up. I go to the bathroom and she's hesitant. There's something, as you said, pricks my ears. And I go, hmm, they are not on the same page. So this is a no-go. The last story we have is when the husband orders the wife around.
Oh my gosh, we were at this party it was so disturbing i'm gonna call him cowboy because he's wearing a cowboy hat and he he was talking really fast he was tearing at his wife's clothes he's like he's like honey honey you need to show more tit and so he's like tugging at her blouse. He's trying to like kind of pull the buttons open instead of just gently unbuttoning her blouse, which there was no consent there. And he wasn't doing it in a nice, even asking in a nice way. He's tugging at her blouse. And I'm like, what? Right, right. I'm like, well, that's rude.
Why are you, you're demeaning your wife in front of us that's not cool yeah it was and it was almost worse than that at times because it was like junior high school where where the boys run up and like punch the girls because they like them he was doing that kind of stuff with her which was it was really weird and it was so disappointing because they were a hot couple like they dressed nicely they they were sexy for sure and we were we were really into them like we're like yeah let's have let's have a chit chat let's make this happen let's see where this goes literally we walked across the dance floor to go talk to them and as the conversation progressed it was clear he was trying to peacock her in some way right like really push her forward and go no no really you want to you want to connect with us here's my wife yeah that was weird awkward strange definitely a red flag definitely a red flag yeah okay the another thing that we've encountered that's a red flag is unreciprocated flirting, where one partner's standoffish, and it's either going to be the wife or the husband.
So, it plays off of what we were talking about before, but the flirting isn't there. So, sometimes, once again, it could be that one's an extrovert, one's an introvert, one's not really great at flirting. Could be that they've been in the lifestyle, not been in the lifestyle very long. They've been married 30 years. They don't even know how to flirt anymore. I mean, that's kind of how I was.
I mean, we hadn't been in a relationship for a long time when we first started swinging, but I i felt like i sucked at flirting i had to really up my flirt game here's why we sail on virgin it's adults only no kids screaming at breakfast no family buffet lines just noon, late night pool parties, and people who actually want to be there. The vibe? Think boutique hotel that happens to float. Tattoo parlors, drag brunch, restaurants you'd actually pay for on land.
Plus, when you're looking to connect with other couples who know how to have fun, let's just say Virgin attracts a very specific type of adventurous. No wonder breadcruisers here, just your people. I wouldn't say you were bad at it, but yes, I think you were uncomfortable with it. I was uncomfortable with it. You were really good at it. I like flirting. I'm a big flirt. Why I was uncomfortable with it was because in the past, flirting got a lot of unwanted attention when I just was trying to flirt. It wasn't.
It went from zero to a hundred i would be a good listener or i'd give some flirty eyes or a little shrug of a shoulder or something shift my pose right the things that we do when we flirt bat bat the eyes like i said and all of a sudden that meant i want to go to bed with you i'm like um no like wait we were having a really nice conversation here I don't know what to do with that right because now we're way down the road and i i'm still back here at the stop sign. Yeah. Guys tend to go with it and they get the slightest green light and they're just going to, they're just going to go in for it.
So I get that. This one's very similar to the previous examples that we were giving where you're getting mixed signals and some of its nerves some of it's just not being ready some of that's uh the husband's maybe had a little bit more to drink than the wife i've definitely been in that situation before where my my flirt gets extra when i when i drink a little bit um i start writing a lot of checks uh but it can be other things too. It could just be that one of them is tired. They had a long week.
And, and so you kind of have to give them a little bit of, yeah, maybe it's not a red flag yet, but watch for this as a pattern.
Like every time you you get together with them if it seems to be the same that could very well be the red flag right right if you're if you're really looking for that a stronger connection you really want to know them well take take the time don't have sex with them that night you know meet them again and if the pattern still exists then that may be the red flag right right the big red flag with this not being on the same page absolutely has to come down to and and i would say this is the quintessential drama that happens that everybody talks about you know the the no drama couple and that's that the partners are actually having a fight now we haven't seen that very much a couple times and to be honest the the one time we saw it was the husband was like chasing women around and was we found out later it was actually cheating on his wife so i get why they were fighting that makes a whole lot of sense right people are pretty good at parties they if they need to have a conversation they step to the side they go to the bathroom they go to a bedroom close a door have a conversation um most people are are nice they don't disrupt the whole party and become a spectacle and i would say if if i saw a couple that was clearly having some kind of a disconnect and they did remove themselves from the situation and went off to a quiet place in my mind that is not drama correct anything that's a sign of emotional maturity relationship maturity they are taking the higher road and not inflicting their whatever issue it was on everybody else and not disturbing the party like they're just gonna go take care of it and handle it on their own i agree that that to me that's actually a green flag like that's you know good couple now i might not go approach them that night but it would definitely be one of those things where if they came back and they approached us who knows maybe they were having a conversation about well do you want to really hook up with that couple Thank you.
night but it would definitely be one of those things where if they came back and they approached us who knows maybe they were having a conversation about well do you want to really hook up with that couple yeah maybe okay yeah let's do it now experience and confidence plays into it nerves if someone's talking too much they can be a red flag because you may not, they may be all in and may be all gas and maybe not be listening or as accommodating. So, that could be a red flag. Comfort levels and their play style, basically, is going to shift a little bit with experience and confidence.
And I think with the kind of talking over you and your conversation and really being overly vocal can be a red flag in terms of compatibility. So if they have a hard time socializing or it's really awkward conversation with them, it's not necessarily that they're a bad couple, but they may not be a good match for you because your conversation style doesn't pair up very well and you don't feel like you're compatible.
Where that also comes into play, and this may be not a red flag but maybe an orange flag like caution and that's their play style is not what you're looking for right and i view that more as just an incompatibility and not necessarily a red flag so they're you know soft and you're full and they're not interested in negotiating, which I can understand going from soft to full, but maybe they're full and you're soft and, you know, just being accommodating to play at that level.
So, they're talking a lot and not really being a good listener, asking those questions not really wanting to engage with you and have that dialogue as to what type of experience you would like that evening which basically comes down to consent yeah right it's a consensual dialogue so if you're busy yapping um and saying you like this and we do this and we do that and we do that, well, what about me? What do I like? Did you ask me what I like? Did you ask me what I prefer? Right? It's nice to be asked.
a hundred percent and you can kind of look at this as once you get into the playroom and you're you're engaging with this couple, if they haven't been paying attention to what you're saying and they start doing things that are maybe pushing through your boundaries or just ignoring your boundaries, that's a hundred percent a red flag. Yeah. Yeah.
And then get up and run right yeah i definitely think it's a it's an opportunity to just say hey thanks but uh we're gonna go we'd had some boundaries and and those got missed i mean i might let them know but for sure you don't need to sit there and take that for sure just yeah back off yeah and of course if it's really egregious then you definitely want to alert any room promoter or room monitors and the promoter and then they'll get security and and handle it from there right especially if it's kind of crossed into that kind of rapey situation. Yeah. Which is not good.
But we've never experienced that. We've. Not directly, for sure. we've we've been at a party where a woman was overly aggressive and doing things with the male partner from another couple that we knew. Oh, yeah. Honestly, I categorize that as sexual assault, which she did. Yeah. She really did. It really was not consensual. And they...
to to to several guys the several guys at least two possibly three i know two for sure have reported to us yeah and they were really uncomfortable with it and won't be going back to that house party yeah that's actually a different example okay so we have two examples of that god but yes the the one i was thinking of there was a couple where the the woman was on top and she just kind of went full swap with the husband and they were not a full swap couple right she grabbed his penis shoved it in right and yeah and they they were both very upset by that and ended up having to to leave the party and i don't think we saw them again until the next party but we'd had some conversations with them we reached out to them directly because we'd heard from the host that that had happened and and they were we knew them yeah and we wanted to offer some some sympathy and an opportunity to talk to us about it if they wanted to but yeah yeah and then the flag for sure red flag for sure then the other party the the two gentlemen had this this uh woman at the at the house party she she just straight up went went walked up to the guy opened his pants pulled him down and stuck his cock in her mouth right and they were shocked like really upset and it was it was very humbling to me to hear that from a man to be able to disclose that because and I felt I'm just getting chills because I felt so horrible um on two accounts one that experience happened to them two individual guys basically the same thing and two that I you know as women we go oh you know men all men like attention and all men like you know they're happy just to you know you you jokingly say yeah there's no such thing as a bad blowjob there's no such thing as a bad blowjob i'll take anything a hand is a hand i right 20 bucks is 20 bucks right so you you get this this narrative stuck in your head and then when somebody actually says that you're like wow you you actually did not like that that was offensive to you right um you were really um turned off by that and and one of the guys just left, like right after that, just left the party.
Yeah, you start to have that realization that sometimes men have feelings too. Right? I know. I mean, it's sad that we don't think that that, but we do. At least I as a woman, I look to you as my rock.
You're the I get to go bouncy bouncy all over the place but I can always count on you to be there for me to ground me and I don't know if other women feel that same way but I I do I rely on you to be the steady the constant and so I just don't think I don't think of men as not that emotions are weak but you know where i'm saying that you think men don't have emotions they can't be affected by that because any attention is good attention well no that's not the case yeah and we we understand that everybody has personal preferences everybody's not going to be into it.
We've had this conversation with bisexuality, for sure, with women, where it's like, just because a woman's bi doesn't mean she wants every woman going down on her or that she wants to go down on every woman or wants to make out with every woman. Right. Like the lady on the massage table with me. Right. That was essentially sexual assault on me. Yes. I said three times, I only want a massage. Do not touch any part, any genitals. And this woman was just, her fingers. Oh my God. She was gropey fingers. She was gropey fingers. Three times. Right.
The first time it got close, I smacked her three times right the first time it got close i smacked her hand away second time i got closer third time she she got like one digit in there and i was like that's it i'm done and then she had the the gall to go well i'm by you you're just so sexy i really want you don't don't you like it i'm like oh my god bitch i want to smack you right now and then the husband was like well he was like encouraging her he was like her biggest cheerleader because she's bi well okay but that doesn't have anything to do with you sticking your fingers in me without consent well i mean it goes back to the whole thing it's like okay you're heterosexual does that mean that any random dude can come up and stick his fingers in like no it doesn't work like that so why would it work with bisexuality so for sure for sure that is a red flag good lord oh man the experiences we've had okay let's let's move out of rape for a second this is getting dark it's getting really dark um there's another thing that happens and this has happened to us a few times, where couples just can't commit or single males can't commit.
And we know there are a number of you who are watching this or listening to this who can attest that the stereotype that single males are flaky gets perpetuated by this. So you send out a date request, give them a couple dates, a couple times, nothing. They can't follow through. They can't commit or they cancel at the last minute. Yeah.
And this isn't me being the the pursuer they they were the pursuer and then i respond so i i get that maybe if you misread the room if you're doing the hunting so to speak the pursuing then you know maybe you're like wow i guess he maybe wasn't that interested but when they step forward and you engage and you've've got a sexy banter back and forth and you think, yeah, we're all in, we're all go, we've got some dates on the calendar, all that. And then they ghost or flake. Yeah. Yeah. And that's hard, right?
Because that really does kind of hit you in the ego where you were like, we we were on we were hot and now we're not what's what's going on it's all hot and heavy and nothing right i know that is very that's been very disappointing for me the single male the hot and heavy exchange because i i did like the the texting that was kind of fun the little attention that you're getting even though i'm not a big texter for getting to know people right but when i was engaging a single male i i did i did enjoy that and then you get all worked up and then like you said yeah i kind of get it there are reasons why people have changed their mind who knows what's going on in their relationship etc etc but we always try to advise people that if there's a reason for it you explain it you let the other couple off the hook Like, God, give them a clue as to why maybe they're not interested in it anymore.
And... there's a reason for it. You explain it. You let the other couple off the hook. God, give them a clue as to why maybe they're not interested anymore. And when we talked about the approach and closing in that episode, this is similar to that. And it gives the couple that's being rejected an opt-out, right? It gives them information so that they can move on and not feel like they're just being ignored or something. So it's always good to just give somebody a little bit of information so they can move on. A little closure.
So every bad experience you have in the lifestyle may not be a red flag, but there are certainly a few things that should give you enough pause to consider whether you should pursue that any further or turn around and run away as fast as you can. So when you're evaluating these interactions with couples, take in mind their feelings, maybe their overall mood, if you've had positive interactions with them before. And we like to give couples at least a couple chances because first impressions, while they're important, they're not the only indicator of how a couple is.
So give them a second chance, maybe even a third chance, depending on the situation. Was it at a house party? Was it too loud? Maybe they just don't like the loud noise. Maybe they need a little bit more engagement, in a minute. third chance, depending on the situation. Was it at a house party? Was it too loud? Maybe they just don't like the loud noise. Maybe they need a little bit more engagement with you and they couldn't get that at that party. So give them a second chance, potentially. I agree.
Now, there are certain things that we talked about where they're rude to wait staff and overall just seem like maybe not good people. Those are red flags enough for me to go, I don't need to see that again. I don't want to experience that again. Let's just cut our losses and move on. Thanks for tuning in. We appreciate you joining our community. Don't forget to do your homework tell a friend about our show and leave a review and comment you can also leave us a voicemail at 916-538-0482 or contact us at university.com and we have a cool new way for you to leave us voicemail anonymously.
Talk about that a little bit. If you visit our website, swearinguniversity.com on the contact page, there's a way for you to leave a little voicemail for us. We get the audio and it's all anonymous. So we have no idea who you are unless you tell us. You can leave a 90 second message. And if you do, we will put it in the episode and we'll talk about it. Assuming it's something that's for the episode or something that you want us to talk about. If you're just sending us happy messages, we're happy to take those as well.
If you're watching us on YouTube, you can also now join our membership on YouTube. And there are extra perks there, just like we have on Patreon. So you get extra episodes, you get behind the scenes content, you get early releases of our YouTube episodes. So check it out on our membership page. As always, keep learning, keep growing and keep it sexy. Oh, one last thing before you go. If this episode helped you in any way, the single best thing you can do to support the show is leaving a rating and review.
It takes 60 seconds and helps new people find us when they're searching for relationship education. And we've made it easy. Visit swingeruniversity.com forward slash review. All the instructions are there thank you for being part of this community we'll see you again soon
