Want to send us a message? If you’ve ever thought about swinging and nonmonogamy you’re not alone. In this episode we discuss some of the many reasons couples begin their journey into this alternative lifestyle or hobby. Whether you’re just starting to think about swinging, or have been in the lifestyle for a while we hope that everyone will learn something new. SHOW NOTESHow Do People Get Into the Lifestyle? 20+ year relationship v. new relationshipSpicing it up – kids goneNo other sexual partners – desire for moreBeing bi: women/men – filling in the gapFix the marriage – not recommendedSexually adventurous peopleNon-Monogamy Feels NormalPleasing Others is ThrillingFlirtingLearning New Techniques Support the showWant More?👀 Watch on YouTube: YouTube ShowFull video versions and interactive live episodes!Bonus episodes, exclusive content, and 🌶️Extras: https://www.patreon.com/SwingerUniversity 🛳️🎉Looking for lifestyle events in your area? T4P is the go-to directory for clubs, parties, and resort events. Browse now at Ticket4Play.com Custom SU T-shirts and gear: Our Amazon StoreSwingerLinks.com - live schedule, special offers*, and our 🌶️links!Our Website - Leave us a message, articles, and sexy products3 Ways to get your question on our show:RECORD it on our website at: https://swingeruniversity.com/contact/EMAIL a recorded voice note to: [email protected]: (916) 538-0482 and leave a voicemail.* We get a commission if you decide to purchase through our links, at no cost to you.
Transcript
We have to talk about something we've been genuinely excited about for months, and our patrons actually got a preview of this already. Jamaica! Yes, we are going back, and actually, we have a great offer for you guys. Yeah, it's Swingcation. It's October 11th through the 18th at Hedonism 2. And if you don't know what Swingcation is, it's pretty easy. Swinger plus kink plus vacation. It's a hosted group with real structure, workshops, lectures, real conversations with experts who are passionate about bringing and bridging that gap between the swinger world and the kink world.
And we're not just going as attendees. we're going as featured presenters, which is exciting. We'll be leading sessions. So if you come, we actually get to hang out with you. Which brings up something we should mention. When you use our code, yes, we got a code, you're not just getting a discount, you're getting the signature swing experience, which means $100 off per person, up to $200 per room, but it also means that we make time for you. An exclusive breakfast, lunch, cocktail hour, or one-hour and one time with us directly, plus more surprise benefits.
Here's something that's really unique. You could actually contribute by hosting a discussion or running a Skillshare. I know it's scary, but if you have something that you want to contribute, that's a big part of why this event is so special. Everyone there has something to bring to the table. All right, details. If you book before April 25th, you save $400. Plus, they gave us that special code that gets you an additional $200, and the special code is SWINGERU-VIP. So book through TicketForPlay.com forward slash Swinkie. That's T-I-C-K-E-T, the number four, play.com forward slash S-W-I-N-K-Y.
And use our code at checkout. And you guys, if you have any questions about the event, the resort, or what to expect, just reach out. I mean, we're here for you. We're happy to help. So once again, TicketForPlay.com forward slash Swinky, the code SwingerU-VIP. We really want to see you there. Have you ever thought about swinging and non-monogamy? Well, you're not alone. There are many reasons why couples begin their journey in the alternative lifestyle or hobby. Whether you're starting to think about swinging or you've been in the lifestyle for a while, we hope you'll learn something new.
Welcome to Swinger University, Your enrichment program bringing you an educational podcast about swinging here are your hosts ed and phoebe now one of the questions we always ask when we meet new couples is, how did you get into the lifestyle? It's a great icebreaker, and it kind of provides a little bit of perspective in terms of where they're coming from. Exactly. Some people are in a 20-year relationship.
Their kids are gone, they're empty nesters, and they want to spice up their their relationship they want to try something new some people only had each other as sexual partners haven't experienced any kind of sex outside of their primary relationship and they're curious they want to know what it's like to have sex with other people and some people are bisexual so maybe you were always and didn't ever say anything or your partner knew you were and you didn't say anything or you you did and you just couldn't do anything about it all of the above some people tend to uh at different stages in their relationship, try new things, experiment with new things.
They become comfortable and safe, and they trust one another, and they decide that they want to share those different sexual experiences with another man or another woman. And so, this is a way to do that as well.
And still stay with your your primary partner one of the other reasons some people get into swinging and we are not recommending this at all this is one of the don't do it if categories and that is fixing your marriage so it's one thing to add a little extra spice to your marriage it's a completely different thing you have a sexless marriage or the sex is really bad and you're looking to fix it. Swinging will not fix it. It absolutely will break it. It will. It'll tear it apart.
It'll accentuate everything that is challenged in your relationship already and make it bigger yeah it it magnifies those problems that you have in your relationship so as an example your husband doesn't ever want to go down on you and the lifestyle you find men who are all willing to go down on you that's going to make him look even more inadequate uh in your bedroom which is not good right right that's just an example one example uh there are also sexually adventurous people which are quite um well honestly now that i've been in the lifestyle for about 10 11 years i think everyone is well now that's not true there are a lot of people that are not sexually adventurous, but it seems like it's growing.
It's a growing trend, especially with the millennials. And we'll get into that in just a second. It's quite common with the younger generations and especially with those who are dating or finding. They're not even married and they're just doing it together. A lot more open-mindedness, and we're finding statistically more and more couples are open to extra sex or extramarital sex. And it's shown in popular media.
there are television shows that talk about it right lots of examples kind of in popular culture where this is starting to come out in fact we were at a party last week where we met a couple that go to parties together but they're not together they don't identify as boyfriend and girlfriend. They're both divorced. They're not interested in settling down. They have kids, they have lives, but they enjoy each other's company. They have sex together and they like to have sex with other people together. So for them, it works.
It's not defined, but it's defined enough where they have an agreement and it fits within the swinger community where they show up as a couple and they respect one another and care for one another so it it makes that connection work it is a little unusual and that's what's kind of cool about swinging is it so many different definitions and ways of doing things and you it's a little challenging sometimes to navigate yeah one of the other experiences that we'd had early on was exposure to our neighbors and their teenagers would throw house parties yes we would see flashing lights loud music cars parked in front we knew they were throwing a party.
What we didn't realize was they were walking around naked in their house. So we happened to see through the window that they were running around and basically wrapped in towels and open about all kinds of crazy sexual adventures.
right we were not peeping toms we were very concerned about the party because we knew they were underaged we did not have the parents phone number and we stayed up late to make sure that no one got in their car drunk right and it was a good thing we did because we saw some people leaving with carrying garbage sacks and so we we were you know make made sure that they got home safely and no one was driving drunk but right right um i guess we could have called the cops but i don't know we didn't you know they weren't bothering us but i mean they were underage drinking we probably should have done that yeah but honestly we felt that that was the parents responsibility and it was their house and uh didn't want to really get involved with all of that especially with yeah how people retaliate sometimes so yeah we've made a choice at that time we did not get involved we did we did um millennials yeah this kind of brings out the the kind of the sexually adventurous people that are that are starting to come out um and millennials are in that 23 to 28 age range about right now and you know they go for it they really don't care what people think they're they're out in social media They don't care if you know that they're a swinger or have sex with other people or whatever they define themselves as, polyamorous.
They're just out. And I love it. I love the freedom. I love the way they express themselves. And they just go for it. Yeah. And a lot of their social media actually kind of inspired us to finally come out in front of the camera and do our YouTube stuff. Exactly. The non-monogamy, you know, where you're monogamous, but you're doing non-monogamous type things, right? Because you're not supposed to have sex with other people. For some people, it just feels normal, right? They grew up knowing that you're supposed to be monogamous and have one partner, but it never really felt normal to them.
What felt normal to them was having multiple partners right and some of our friends grew up sharing their brothers or their friends partners as teenagers when they were having sex or in their you know early 20s they just everyone shared everybody and it was common and normal for them i wish i had so envious of like that freedom to just not be, you know, pigeonholed in a sexual box that you can only do this. So, it's amazing that some people just grew up like that. Yeah, and we talked to a number of couples where there was one partner in that couple that that was just the norm for them.
It was either a cultural thing or the area that they grew up in. They just felt natural sharing and having sex with whoever they wanted to. If only, if only I didn't grow up in a very strict, non-hugging family environment where I went to parochial school with the little skirts and the little, you know, all that whole thing. Bounchicka-won. But maybe that's what propelled me into the lifestyle stay. Constrained and then released. Constrained and released.
I had to go to the opposite side to experience all of it other groups of people really like to get into swinging because of this sense of control over other people's pleasure and it's interesting because you're starting to experience that a little bit more but really there's something sexy, something very hot about making other people orgasm.
And that sense of I'm directly doing something that's causing this other person to experience pleasure right it's it's very hot um it's very satisfying it's very um gosh it's like it's so hard to describe if you've done it you know you know that feeling it's not it's not an ego thing it's not it's almost like a euphoria it's it's that that's that ultimate giving right And you just you get high euphoric just giving somebody being able to I don't know it's almost a form of compersion now compersion is usually referred to specifically with your primary partner and wanting them to be pleased but I think even with secondary partners you're kind of deriving pleasure through their pleasure.
Yes. So, it's not a control as in like a domination thing. It's a, oh my God, did I do that? Yes. I know. And it's super, super exciting and sexy. It is. It is. I am loving it. it i'm loving it i'm loving the new experience with with women um i've had that experience with men but um my new adventure is with women and it's it's very it's very titillating now flirting a lot of people love to flirt. I have not been a big flirt. At least I didn't think of myself as a flirt. You are a big flirt. Guilty. Very guilty of flirting. You love getting your flirt on.
So, you know, that brings some of that excitement back into the relationship too, right? You're flirting with other couples. Right. And then that also creates spark in your own relationship you're flirting with your partner again it just it's it's fun it's energizing it's and flirting stimulates that that primary erogenous zone that most people a lot of people don't think about and and that's your brain. And having that stimulating conversation, having that, the double entendres, having those images start to play around in your brain starts to get things moving, right?
It starts to get the juices flowing. And what's really nice about the lifestyle, one of the advantages for flirting is if you can do that without jealousy because you realize it's just foreplay. It's just about the sex and the hunt and the kind of the kindling of that spark that's going to happen.
You can do it and you don't feel like there's going to be social consequences for it you don't feel like you're going to be reprimanded for it so if you like flirting swinging may be in your back yes exactly uh learning new techniques while you're swinging we have learned so much so much um for example different kissing techniques we have learned from some friends of some good friends of ours in virginia um we have learned different positions um like the side scissor position we've done that but then someone will throw in a variation to the side scissor, and you go oh didn't know there was the side scissor with 10 better so then you have that experience with another person you bring it back to your partner and you start try it and you're like wow that really that works for me yeah um what was the other thing uh pressure you know pressure on the pelvis where someone holds that pressure or not really moving.
So I had that experience once about eight or nine years ago, and it was kind of hard to describe. Right. First, I thought it was just the condom, you know, kind of getting in the way and I liked it. Um, but then I recently had someone do it again to me. They were still wearing a condom, but then I realized it was something different. It was just that hard pressure. And I liked that more than it allowed for some buildup without the distraction of movement. We haven't played too much with tantric sex.
I can imagine that it is that lack of movement, but more of the pressure and the closeness and the breathing. Yeah. And the breathing aspects to it.
And this technique that you're talking about with the pressure on the pelvis is less of the repeated thrusting and more of just you know kind of that steady deep pressure kind of holding down and and you know adding sensation to a larger surface yeah yeah to the whole vulva area which is all all nerve endings for women what's interesting is even with those positions that you're familiar with, a new partner may have a slightly different angle or a different hip movement.
And if you can observe your partner doing that or having that experience, then you can take notes and you can try it yourself later. And sometimes it's hard to replicate, but you just have to practice more. And I'll touch on the kissing just a little bit too.
Some people don't kiss, which is an interesting rule that will come up in swinging, but a lot of people and for us it's a it's another one of those preludes and warm-up techniques and almost a little bit of an audition and that's really fun to to kiss someone who's not your primary partner kind of gets things it's very taboo It kind of starts a lot of stuff. It does. I know. I know. I love it. Oral. Um... Yeah.
very taboo it kind of starts a lot of stuff it does i know i know i love it oral um you what we learned about oral was different pressure and different speeds the flatness of a tongue versus a pointy tongue um long strokes versus short strokes you know every woman is, you're never going to hit it out of the park with your first, you know, outside of your marriage play partner. But if you're lucky enough to develop a relationship with a couple that you like and you can play with often, then you've also been communicating what you like and what you don't like and what works for you.
We've been fortunate to have a few of those longer-term relationships and partners that we can communicate with. And when we haven't, I just step up and say something. I go slower, longer, harder, whatever. I give very simple direct directions and therefore I get to have a better experience. Yeah. And this is actually a really good example of how you can practice a technique in an alternative play situation, a situation not with your primary partner, but it forces you to teach yourself to ask for what you need and explain what feels good and explain what doesn't feel good.
And what's great is you can bring that back to your primary partner and your bedroom sex with your normal person will be even better because you're better able to communicate what you need and what you want and what feels good and what doesn't feel good. Right.
So, your communication is improving, your confidence is improving, asking for what you want, so the empowerment of taking charge of your own orgasm and your own pleasure by asking for what you want all starts to do this nice feedback loop back into your relationship and make it bigger and richer and more alive and fun and more exciting we hope you enjoy this re-recorded version of our first podcast hopefully we have provided you with some examples to stimulate your imagination and inspire you to have meaningful conversations with your partner. Maybe we'll see you at an event.
Oh, one last thing before you go. If this episode helped you in any way, the single best thing you can do to support the show is leaving a rating and review. It takes 60 seconds and helps new people find us when they're searching for relationship education. And we've made it easy. This is the first step. review. It takes 60 seconds and helps new people find us when they're searching for relationship education. And we've made it easy. Visit swingeruniversity.com forward slash review. All the instructions are there. Thank you for being part of this community. We'll see you again soon.
