Want to send us a message? The 3 C s of Swinging: Connecting/Courting, Communicating, and Courtesy. These 3 social elements play a large part in your swinger game whether you are hosting or attending a party.SHOW NOTES:Connecting / CourtingHomeSwinger PartyHotel - Planned v. SpontaneousRules / PreferencesCommunicatingCourtesy Support the showWant More?👀 Watch on YouTube: YouTube ShowFull video versions and interactive live episodes!Bonus episodes, exclusive content, and 🌶️Extras: https://www.patreon.com/SwingerUniversity 🛳️🎉Looking for lifestyle events in your area? T4P is the go-to directory for clubs, parties, and resort events. Browse now at Ticket4Play.com Custom SU T-shirts and gear: Our Amazon StoreSwingerLinks.com - live schedule, special offers*, and our 🌶️links!Our Website - Leave us a message, articles, and sexy products3 Ways to get your question on our show:RECORD it on our website at: https://swingeruniversity.com/contact/EMAIL a recorded voice note to: [email protected]: (916) 538-0482 and leave a voicemail.* We get a commission if you decide to purchase through our links, at no cost to you.
Transcript
We have to talk about something we've been genuinely excited about for months, and our patrons actually got a preview of this already. Jamaica! Yes, we are going back, and actually, we have a great offer for you guys. Yeah, it's Swingcation. It's October 11th through the 18th at Hedonism 2. And if you don't know what Swingcation is, it's pretty easy. Swinger plus kink plus vacation. It's a hosted group with real structure, workshops, lectures, real conversations with experts who are passionate about bringing and bridging that gap between the swinger world and the kink world.
And we're not just going as attendees. we're going as featured presenters, which is exciting. We'll be leading sessions. So if you come, we actually get to hang out with you. Which brings up something we should mention. When you use our code, yes, we got a code, you're not just getting a discount, you're getting the signature swing experience, which means $100 off per person, up to $200 per room, but it also means that we make time for you. An exclusive breakfast, lunch, cocktail hour, or one-hour and one time with us directly, plus more surprise benefits.
Here's something that's really unique. You could actually contribute by hosting a discussion or running a Skillshare. I know it's scary, but if you have something that you want to contribute, that's a big part of why this event is so special. Everyone there has something to bring to the table. All right, details. If you book before April 25th, you save $400. Plus, they gave us that special code that gets you an additional $200, and the special code is SWINGERU-VIP. So book through TicketForPlay.com forward slash Swinkie. That's T-I-C-K-E-T, the number four, play.com forward slash S-W-I-N-K-Y.
And use our code at checkout. And you guys, if you have any questions about the event, the resort, or what to expect, just reach out. I mean, we're here for you. We're happy to help. So once again, TicketForPlay.com forward slash Swinky, the code SwingerU-VIP. We really want to see you there. Welcome to Swinger University, your horizontal enrichment program, bringing you an educational podcast about swinging. Here are your hosts, Ed and Phoebe. Hi, this is Ed. And this is Phoebe. Today we are talking about the three C's of swinging, connecting or courting, communicating, and courtesy.
These three social elements play a large part in your swinger game, whether you are hosting or attending a party. connecting and cording sometimes it's done at your home sometimes it's done at a swinger party and sometimes it'll be done at a hotel event right and this is making a connection with a couple not like the initial contact on on a profile site or something like that. Correct. This is like actually face-to-face connecting. Yes. You've done the pre-connecting online or texting, and now you're meeting face-to-face. So say you've set up a home date.
You're going to invite them back to your lair. Yes. So you're hosting. You want to make sure you clean the house. You're connecting with them in your home. You want the house to be tip-top shape. Right.
This is their first impression of you and you know you want to put on a good show right if you don't have a lot of time to do spring cleaning like you want just shove a bunch of shit into the spare bedroom and close the door and you don't have to show them Right, but a nice, clean clean elegant setting for them to come in feel comfortable not like they're i don't know dancing around kids toys or laundry or any of that kind of stuff living rooms tip-top kitchen super clean and of course the bedroom's gonna be spot on bedroom's gonna have candles music and living room too you may want to have candles music always a little fire light yes bedroom's definitely gonna have some red lighting or dimmed lighting but not too dark because you don't want to go to sleep gotta keep them awake you will have snacks and alcohol for your guests nice cocktail of something maybe even ask them ahead of time what what they like are they wine drinkers whiskey oh yes correct we have a little g and t so this is all that connecting cting process if you're having them in your house the second place you might be connecting or courting is at a swinger party for events like this sometimes we've had couples rsvp for us right maybe they even pay the fee to get in which is really nice split it later or exactly but it makes it easy to set the whole thing up and kind of get some buy-in from both couples right exactly sometimes the events will have a a booth or a table some sort of area that you can RSVP, I would highly recommend doing that.
If you've got buy-in with that other couple, you can discuss how you want to split that cost up. Sometimes they'll buy the tickets and you RSVP the table or however it's done. If you've got a noncommittal couple and you have the opportunity to RSVP a special area, I say just do it. Just do it because women, you all know, those high heels hurt a little while, and you got to sit down. And there's usually never any seating. So if there's someone with a table or, like I said, a booth or a couch, whatever, they RSVP'd that for a reason. It's a hoe catcher. Yes. So don't feel shy.
Walk up to those groups. They're not exclusive. they're not exclusive guaranteed most of them are strangers to each other and that's the whole point they've set it up so other people can come and sit it's a big fishnet come on come sit. Exactly. For new couples, you may want to explain the rules of the party, although most hosts will walk you around and kind of explain the rules, but they may have questions. And if they haven't been listening to our podcast, you might be able to help them out. You can also reserve a playroom if applicable. Sometimes you don't need to do that.
That's also really nice. You can.
The other option is to state up front what time you plan on going to the playroom the parties in our area the playroom doesn't have an rsvp typically what we'll say is hey we're going to go mix and mingle if you guys want to mix and mingle too sometimes you don't want to dominate that other couple's attention all night long because there's a lot of people there to meet right and you know maybe you're maybe you're not really connecting or you are but you you still have friends there that you want to meet and socialize sometimes you can take the new couple around to them sometimes you just want to run around and you know be free but we in that case we would say hey we plan on being in the playroom at 10 if you don't see us if we're not back at the table before then come find us in the playroom we'll be in there at 10 right and if we're interested in the couple we'll usually swing back by the table on the way to the playroom to pick them up and carry them off.
Right. But just in case we can't find you, meet us in there at 10. That's right. So that type of communication is really great, especially, again, if you're new or if not.
I mean, you kind of know where people are it's a big place no one's on their phone and no one really has their i don't think anyone has their phone out not at our parties you get in trouble some of the photos times you can have the phone out but you've got to be pretty discreet with it and they oh sometimes that's right they used to give you stickers i think they still do that to cover wait wait am i thinking of somewhere else laguna oh yeah i'm thinking of the naked resort see it's been so long since we've been outside of our house oh so sad so sad The third place you want or may connect with a couple is at a hotel.
Now, these can be planned or spontaneous.
If you have no plan for a hotel with a couple, you could book the room and just pay yourself say for example you and your significant other are going downtown and you want to go hit the clubs you don't want to drive home you want to drink and you want to stay the night and then go home the next day perfect done hotel booked paid for don't expect anyone else to right uber to the bar uber home you're all good right if you get lucky you drag someone back with you woohoo all good uh we have a club downtown called faces and sometimes we get really lucky there. It's a fun place.
Lots of sexy people having fun. It's the club that has something for everybody. Yeah. Literally. I mean, if you can't find it anywhere, you can find it there. The semi-pseudo plan with a couple. You can book the room and prepare to pay.
And typically etiquette states that the other couple would pitch in sometimes if you're out for dinner drinks one couple will pick up dinner drinks the other couple will pay for the hotel room however you want to negotiate that social etiquette you also might have a definitive plan with another couple that's where you may want to talk about splitting the cost ahead of time maybe you get adjoining rooms at the hotel for hotel takeover depending on where they're coming from or what their plans are yeah exactly or maybe you had such a great time the last event you're like hey let's get that room on the third floor with the balcony and adjoining doors boom boom someone takes care of it and y'all sync up your monies later very well for us yes so for connecting and cording you've got your home event, you've got your swinger party event, and you've got your hotel events.
Let's move on to communicating. Yep. so one of the first things you want to do is find out what the other couple's rules are and more important, well, not more importantly, but also important, what their preferences are. Are they full or soft? Are they exhibitionists? Do they like playing in the same room? Do they expect to play in the same room? Are they kinky? Do they have special kinks? Are they going to bring bondage gear or various toys? What are their rules about finishing inside condom use, which is really important for us? And another important thing for us is females who squirt.
It can be a little shocking for people. And so sometimes it's good to warn them ahead of time. Yes. Most couples are fine with it. Like sex is fun and they enjoyed all of it, but it good to uh come prepared yes and be respectful of people's furniture and surroundings if they're not used to that maybe their their partner doesn't do that so you know they don't know you want to again be respectful come, tell them ahead of time, bring appropriate equipment, whatever, you know, and we've run into people that have said, oh, I've always heard of that, but I never knew it was a real thing.
How does it work? Oh, we'll show you.
But do you have a blanket or a very large tarp?coats for everyone right it's fun you also want to ask them ahead of time because their profile may not state you know are you a smoker do you like marijuana do you do coke do you do ecstasy usually you don't talk about those things in your profile on sls and especially the coke right marijuana you know you'll see that smoker typically yes but sometimes people don't put that on there so you want to make sure that you have those conversations ahead of time because what you know what if you have someone in your house and all of a sudden they whip out the ecstasy and you're not really prepared for that type of experience with them start lining up bumps of coke on their on your coffee table Yeah.
That would be a little shocking. I could say that. And rules. So sometimes rules get broken. We just talked about that in one of our recent episodes, but have the conversation about that quick conversation.
If a rule gets broken take it offline however you need to do it discreetly or if it's not bothering you then just go oh that was interesting we hadn't planned on that but right are you okay with that yeah i'm okay all right so it's checking in with your partner and this is all about the communication we we've done it in a light-hearted way and we've seen other people do that too where you know something happens and you're maybe it's a kissing rule and all of a sudden you know passion gets a hold of you and they've kissed someone and you know the woman will be like oh my god oh i'm so sorry i kissed him and you know and then he looks at her and she looks at him and they start to laugh and then they're like yeah whatever just go for it it was hot you know and then everyone's laughing and giggling and yay your rule was broken no feelings were were hurt.
That's right. The third thing is courtesy. So you connected with your couple, you courted them, you had great communication. And now, you know, there's these courtesy elements to the end of, well, not only to the end of the evening but but during right right so some women can be very loud and very vocal it can be distracting it it could be more of a performance or attention grabbing just you know be aware of who's in the room I don't know.
more of a performance or attention grabbing just you know be aware of who's in the room sometimes it's just normal and natural but if the other woman isn't having the same reaction it it May be a little off-putting or seem like a competition yes yes because everyone moves at their own pace she's with a she's with maybe she's with you right and her oral experience isn't going to be the same as with her husband so maybe maybe it takes her a little longer to get there as with me. Right. So, or vice versa, maybe she's just like, woo, you know, just having a good old time.
And I'm sitting over there going, you know, it takes me a while. Right. Right. So the vocal could be a little off-putting. You know, just be a little sensitive to who's in the room. And also be considerate of other people's bodies.
So unless you've talked about it ahead of time and you are into these kinks and you've agreed to these kinks ahead of time things like hickeys bites oh anal don't just slip it in there without the conversation because most people aren't open to that in swinging i don't have an issue with it but typically there's a conversation for that because it does require a little preparation right sometimes you need to prepare your partner that you're gonna have anal i've looked over a couple times and been like oh so that's where's where we're going. That's where we're going tonight.
Negativity is a mood killer. In any social situation, people being negative kind of sucks. Yeah. So if you don't have anything nice to say about the other spouse, don't say it at all. Just like grandma said. Right. And you don't, you know, you know, just be respectful. Keep it to yourself until after the party and then you can talk to your partner all you want about it. Exactly. Courtesy. Again, respect the rules of the other couple.
Don't push their boundaries if you know what they are just be mindful don't think you're gonna like convert them oh i'm the best kiss in the world i'm gonna show her what it's like no you're gonna ruin the soft swap but if i just slip it in maybe nobody will notice yeah no don't person. Yeah, don't be that guy. After sex conversation. It happens. Usually you learn their names. After sex, yes. Usually afterwards. Hi, I'm Ed. Where do you live?
oh yeah nice to meet you compliment one another um keep your conversations pleasant you know don't don't drag it out too much unless you're you know there together it's you know maybe you're the only one i mean we've had really nice conversations on the bed we're just chilling for 10 15 20 minutes we're laughing having a good time but then everyone sort of starts to feel that that need to like yeah you know what we might want to just get up and get our clothes on and go right we're outstaying our welcome it depends on whose room you're in right exactly so just be mindful of that um be careful not to compare body parts because you don't want to hurt people's feelings kind of like with being too loud and too distracting i mean of course be yourself but be sensitive to other people's differences.
We have been in a room before where someone has a partner of one couple has said to another, Oh my God, you're so big. It was so great. I can't believe you're just hung like a horse. And they went on and on. And I felt so bad because it was somewhat awkward. A little bit, yeah. And you don't ever want to chime in. You don't ever want to go, oh, yeah, definitely. No, don't do that because. Feels like you're ganging up. Yes, you don't want anyone to feel left out. You don't want people's feelings to be hurt. And it's just, you know, we're all different.
We're all blessed with all different types of gifts. Exactly. And don't be too eager to get together again, like right after.
In other words, don't finish having sex and then set the next date up sleep on it a little bit see how you feel the next day have a conversation with your partner because you never know they may not be feeling it the same way you are and you've just set up round two right so and it's harder to back out exactly it gets really awkward at that point yeah yeah i would recommend thanking them the next day you know for a wonderful time we always do that and you know potentially the hope of another great get together follow through in a couple weeks and a month if you feel like you had a really great connection and maybe you can set something else up so we talked about connecting and courting whether you're at home a swinger party or a hotel we talked about communicating being direct finding out what their preferences are what they're into what the what the rules are, and then being courteous, being respectful, following up and respecting their rules.
All of those things, the three C's of swinging will get you very far in your swinger game. Before you turn off our podcast to take care of all the vanilla things pulling you away, please reach out and give us a review. I know mashing a star is so much easier, but a review is so much better for sharing your love of what we're doing with others. We would appreciate it. If you want to share a personal story, ask us questions, or share your comments, please contact us at swingeruniversity.com. takes 60 seconds, and helps new people find us when they're searching for relationship education.
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