Want to send us a message? This episode discusses some of the benefits and downsides of the swinging lifestyle to help you figure out your reasons for joining in the fun. SHOW NOTESPleasures of Swinging: communicationmore sextechniquesbondingfunsex positionsconfidenceexperiencesexplorationemotional challenges.Pitfalls of Swinging flakesover indulgencedrugsemotional challengesanonymitydisappointmentexpectationsbad sex Support the showWant More?👀 Watch on YouTube: YouTube ShowFull video versions and interactive live episodes!Bonus episodes, exclusive content, and 🌶️Extras: https://www.patreon.com/SwingerUniversity 🛳️🎉Looking for lifestyle events in your area? T4P is the go-to directory for clubs, parties, and resort events. Browse now at Ticket4Play.com Custom SU T-shirts and gear: Our Amazon StoreSwingerLinks.com - live schedule, special offers*, and our 🌶️links!Our Website - Leave us a message, articles, and sexy products3 Ways to get your question on our show:RECORD it on our website at: https://swingeruniversity.com/contact/EMAIL a recorded voice note to: [email protected]: (916) 538-0482 and leave a voicemail.* We get a commission if you decide to purchase through our links, at no cost to you.
Transcript
We have to talk about something we've been genuinely excited about for months, and our patrons actually got a preview of this already. Jamaica! Yes, we are going back, and actually, we have a great offer for you guys. Yeah, it's Swingcation. It's October 11th through the 18th at Hedonism 2. And if you don't know what Swingcation is, it's pretty easy. Swinger plus kink plus vacation. It's a hosted group with real structure, workshops, lectures, real conversations with experts who are passionate about bringing and bridging that gap between the swinger world and the kink world.
And we're not just going as attendees. we're going as featured presenters, which is exciting. We'll be leading sessions. So if you come, we actually get to hang out with you. Which brings up something we should mention. When you use our code, yes, we got a code, you're not just getting a discount, you're getting the signature swing experience, which means $100 off per person, up to $200 per room, but it also means that we make time for you. An exclusive breakfast, lunch, cocktail hour, or one-hour and one time with us directly, plus more surprise benefits.
Here's something that's really unique. You could actually contribute by hosting a discussion or running a Skillshare. I know it's scary, but if you have something that you want to contribute, that's a big part of why this event is so special. Everyone there has something to bring to the table. All right, details. If you book before April 25th, you save $400. Plus, they gave us that special code that gets you an additional $200, and the special code is SWINGERU-VIP. So book through TicketForPlay.com forward slash Swinkie. That's T-I-C-K-E-T, the number four, play.com forward slash S-W-I-N-K-Y.
And use our code at checkout. And you guys, if you have any questions about the event, the resort, or what to expect, just reach out. I mean, we're here for you. We're happy to help. So once again, TicketForPlay.com forward slash Swinky, the code SwingerU-VIP. We really want to see you there. Hi, everyone. This is Phoebe. And this is Ed. Today at Swinger University, we are going to talk about pros and cons of swinging. And because we're positive thinkers, we're going to start with the pros first. Welcome to Swinger University with Ed and Phoebe. Pros to swinging.
Well, there's lots we can talk about but we're gonna go through this in order and not get to the really exciting stuff first we're gonna talk about communication right and you've heard this over and over and over again through many many podcasts and information online communication is key and we're not joking it's really the essential part of swinging yeah and and it's not only essential to get into it and survive in it your communication will actually improve if you go through swinging as well things you would never think to talk about with your spouse will absolutely come up and you'll have to talk about it and if you don don't talk about it, well, that's when one of the cons comes in, but we won't get to that yet.
So let's, let's just break it down a little bit about communication because, you know, most people think, oh, okay, I just have to communicate more. I just talk more. No, our communication changed to a more compassionate, empathetic, active listening type of communication where we created a very safe space physically, a nice safe space that was neutral somewhere in our house that wasn't interrupted by the kids, where we could have uninterrupted time to talk about our fears, our concerns, our desires, and the boundaries that we wanted.
And so it's like your own personal little bubble or date night. Set that time aside. Have this honest communication. And when you're in that space and you don't have a lot of other distractions, you can really express how you feel and there will be vulnerable moments where you will want to express something and you're maybe afraid that your other partner is going to, you know, cringe or or say something that you don't know if they're going to like. Right. So that's where the, just that safe space and being open and honest and vulnerable. Yeah.
And in our last episode where we talked about thinking about swinging, this is kind of key to that, that communication, because if you're thinking about it and opening up and having that conversation, that's that first piece of communication that you're going to have with your partner. But every single experience that you go through in the lifestyle is going to be a potential moment where you're going to have to have a serious conversation about it. Someone's going to step outside of a rule. Someone's going to make a mistake.
Someone's going to get get a little too excited someone's going to be aroused by something that the partner doesn't know arouses them there's lots of different things that can come up in an experience and you're going to have to be comfortable not only talking about it from your perspective but hearing about it from your partner's perspective right and and giving each other that leeway that the compassion to to to mess up because this is unchartered territory there is no book for this i mean there are some books for it but your book for your life and your experiences from where you come through your lens is going to be completely different.
So being okay with messing up and coming back to one another and having that honest communication and resetting is going to be really, really important for the both of you. A hundred percent. And this is something that you're going into together.
and so you're going to grow and learn together and you're going to make mistakes together right and that's the whole thing it's no one's doing this on purpose hopefully your partner is not doing things to hurt you on purpose ideally ideally and if they are that's a whole different conversation and swinging is probably not a really safe environment for you to do it in anyway. Exactly. And this will also, this side effect of this communication is going to increase the strength and bond that you have of your relationship. Right. So you have this desire to learn and grow and share experiences.
There's a lot of growth and a lot of experience opportunities within the lifestyle. Yes, absolutely. And then, you know, there's sex, right? This is... Wait, there's sex? Yeah. I'm in. Yes, there's sex. Part of the reason why we get into the lifestyle, but there is actually a lot more than just the sex.
When you start swinging with people having sexual encounters with other people whether it's full swap soft swap your own sex with your primary partner will improve why because it it reignites things it it sparks the interest you learn new things and we're going to get into some of that in a second. Techniques. One of the ways that your sex life improves by getting into the lifestyle is by learning. Not only will maybe your partner will experience something that you hadn't tried before or didn't know is possible, you can observe other things in the room.
So if you're in a large group play situation, you might look across the room and go, oh, I've never tried that before. Hey, honey, you want to try that? And you'll have some new technique or experience or tip that you'll pick up from somebody. Maybe somebody will make a suggestion that you hadn't thought of and you'll have this brand new experience. One of the, one of the best things about swinging that two people can't do are things that three and four and more people can do. You can't get a six hand massage from your partner. It's not possible.
And that's just one of the things that two people can't do do there's lots of other things and use your imagination a little bit and you can kind of think about all of the crazy possibilities of multiple people in a play situation and one of the other things that is a positive in a lifestyle is your needs are met in a different way no one is ever all that to any one person. I know we all think that, you know, it's been ingrained into us. Oh, your partner's the only one for the rest of your life and they can provide all your needs. No, that's a lot of pressure on one person.
No one person fits all your needs. It's just a fact. They can't possibly, right right so what happens if one of your partner is bi well you're a male and she's a female and she likes other females you can't fit that bill so lifestyle is one of the ways to do that right uh the other thing is flirting Ed's a very big flirt. Guilty. And I was not. I'm getting better at flirting. She's been practicing. But in person, he really likes to do that. I'm a little more reserved. I can turn on the flirt when I need to. My confidence has improved and I am a little better at that.
But if you're a big flirt and you get a lot of charge from that, you can do that in the lifestyle. A lot of people do texting or sexting back and forth. And that fuels that appreciation, right? And you just kind of feel that just energy and like the stimulation of sexting back and forth right that's exciting that sense of being desired by somebody past your partner or outside of your partner you know you have to tell your wife that she's hot right like? Like, you just have to. Oh, my gosh. But when other people appreciate your wife, she starts to realize that she is still hot.
She's still sexy. Oh, yeah. Like, other people want to have sex with your wife. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. And or your husband. And so that added stimulus enhances not only your relationship, but a lot of the experiences that you'll have in the lifestyle. Right. And it's that desire, that curiosity, all of those really nice things that basically you just mentioned. Yeah.
And I think a lot of the things about desire and curiosity, a lot of times you don't realize that you desire something or that you're curious about something until you get a brush with it oh yeah your ability to try out bisexuality for example if you're a man or a woman you don't have that opportunity in a typical heterosexual marriage and you don't even necessarily see it now porn and the internet has opened up a lot of that right but until you're close to it until it's like right there and you're watching it happen next to you you might not realize you're like oh my god i never thought of that in that way and now that i see it and I see how hot that is, maybe I want to try that.
Yeah, there's something different about watching it on a screen as this third kind of distant party versus being there in real life and watching it. The sounds are different. You get the smells, the environment, the music, the vibe, you feel the energy. It's just different. And that experience that you may have witnessed on porn could be completely different in real life. And you may want to try that. Yeah. And there's another aspect of this. And it kind of goes from the online experience to the real life experience. And we talk about this a lot in our podcast about meeting people in person.
The chemistry is entirely different. Yes. Well, the chemistry of watching new sexual experiences in person is completely different than watching it on screen. You're there. It's right there. And having that close personal connection to it, talking to somebody, talking to a woman, if you're a woman, and going, she's really sexy. I never thought a woman was sexy or hot.
Looking at her profile picture, I didn't think she was sexy and hot, but talking to her in person, she's really sexy i never thought a woman was sexy or hot looking at her profile picture i didn't think she was sexy and hot but talking to her in person right she's hot i actually really want to touch her right kiss her all the above all of the above and it's that opportunity that kind of gets presented to you in the lifestyle that really opens up a whole bunch of new thought processes and a whole bunch of opportunities that you hadn't even thought about until they were right there in front of you.
I know. It's like your sexual bubble just gets bigger. It just expands.
It's almost like you go from your general your general degree to like almost a master or ph degree it's like you didn't even think it existed and all of a sudden bam your whole world is just well expanded i'll pick on a big section of the the country if you if you grew up in the midwest you probably haven't tried sushi right and all of a sudden someone presents raw fish you're like oh that's weird that's gross and then you try it and you're like oh wow i kind of like that same thing with any experience until you actually try it you don't know whether you like it or not and swinging opens up all of those sexual appetites for those who've been monogamous their whole life or only had one partner at a time yeah the other thing that swinging will do for you that is a big bonus confidence my confidence has improved immensely oh my my body I am now wearing a v-neck shirt you would never see me wear and and this isn't even a low-cut v-neck shirt but i would never wear this i was all about the turtlenecks i was your what was it not marianne from gilligan's what's the velma has velma from scooby-doo i don't know velma's pretty hot which ed likes i'm all about there's a certain amount of sexiness but your body image improves because the community and the lifestyle is very accepting of body image and shapes and it just it honestly it there there's no stigma there and you become more comfortable being naked you you are able to kind of just step into your own being and comfort uh i found myself wearing more sexy clothes and shopping for more sexy clothes i didn't have anything so i had to go shopping.
Oh, my gosh I had to go shopping and I would encourage you to have your partner shop for you because hands down I would almost say 10 out of 10 times yes I will say 10 out of 10 times the men that shop for their women spot on the clothes that they wear I always ask the woman who bought that for you my man oh yeah he did good job the men do a great job shopping for their women have him get on la express or amazon or all these other cool sites which i will share a link with you all the top shopping sites um because you will be pleasantly surprised internal sexiness let's talk about the internal sexiness Let's talk about the internal sexiness.
Okay, can we talk about October for a second? Oh my God, yeah. I've been waiting for this.
We were invited to be guest speakers for two engagements on a six-star crystal cruise ship with 310 lifestyle couples and it sails from montreal to boston during the peak foliage season i'm super excited and honestly i'm really nervous yeah it's kind of a version of like a swinger ted talk that we're gonna have to do oh my god i know and more importantly if you know the brand it's llv luxury lifestyle vacations you may have seen them and they're sexy playmakers with their fun red hats this ship the crystal symphony is classy butler service for every single room michelinin rated restaurants, full spa, clothing optional, sensual playrooms, like everything, theme nights and international DJ.
So it's luxury and nudity. Oh man, this is going to be great. The bottom line is we want you there with us. It's 310 couples, and like all their vacations, they book up fast. They really do. Their vacations are extremely popular. So please come with us. And in order to find it, all you have to do is go to our swingerlinks.com and look for the LLV Sensual Voyage. We hope you'll join us. So there's something interesting that we've experienced going through the lifestyle.
And I think a lot of people will provide this exact same feedback if you talk to them about it and that is if you go online and you look at profiles and you look at photos of people most people don't photograph that well why you can't see their inner personality you can't see who they are you can't you don't hear their jokes you don't hear their laughter you don't hear how they interact with each other I don't know. I don't are. You don't hear their jokes. You don't hear their laughter. You don't hear how they interact with each other.
You don't get that flirt by looking at a static profile on a website. You can't.
That inner sexiness, that confidence, that sensuality, the flirt that comes out in people when you meet them in person huge huge improvement over just looking at profile pictures that external kind of stereotypical cosmopolitan beauty yeah isn't sexy when you meet it in person it might be but if that personality doesn't match the outer shell not sexy which goes to the whole well you know i don't feel confident in in who i am i don't feel confident about my body the really really good news is if your personality is really good and you're sexy and you are comfortable in your own shell, it comes out and people will see it and they'll embrace it and they'll love it.
Absolutely. And there's somebody for everybody. There really is. I will say that. There really is. And I know the newbies will say, oh, my God, we haven't found anybody. I know, online, usually you're online. The online stuff is really hard. It's easy, it's quick, it's titillating, it's fun. But what you really need to do is get out there. Get out there and meet people. I see it all the time on the online forums. You have to get out and meet. You have to meet people and connect and And here's what happens. If you're an introvert, like I am, you keep going to the events.
And the reason why is because one, you make your presence known. People continue to see you, increases your chance of people engaging you and increases your chance of engaging other people. Because if you follow our rule of walking up to at least three people and saying, hi, I'm new. My name is Phoebe. My partner's name is Ed. Nice to meet you. We're kind of new at this. Blah. And you start the conversation. People are going to be really wonderful about that, right? And the environment becomes familiar.
And when the environment becomes familiar, you get comfortable becomes familiar you get comfortable so the more comfortable you get the more you kind of come out of your shell and you start to also network with people and there's all these underground swinger house parties and you get on the text lists right and people start inviting you because not all everything is posted online in in the dating forums. So get out there and socialize. That's my little bit on that. Yeah. And I'll add on to that, too.
We were recently talking to someone and talking about going to a club versus trying to meet people online. And the long and short of it is meeting people in person, especially at a club where you have a target rich environment. It doesn't mean you're going to hook up with everybody. But what it means is if the first person that you went to meet doesn't work out, there are other people in the club that you can go talk to. And the person that you end up hooking up with or connecting with may not be the person in this video. other people in the club that you can go talk to.
And the person that you end up hooking up with or connecting with may not be the person that you set out to connect with. We've had that happen a bunch of different times where, surprise, this couple came out of nowhere. You didn't expect to like them. You didn't expect to connect with them.
But having a little bit of a flirty conversation everything just lined up and it was an amazing experience if nothing happens at the club or the house party you always have one another right and so there have been many times where we walk into the house party i make an assessment of the room go, nope, nothing's going to happen here tonight. But that's okay. Why? Because I got dressed up, got the babysitter, got myself there, paid the fee. And you know what? We're there to socialize and network, watch sexy interactions. And because Ed and I are exhibitionists, that fulfills that need.
So we would get to play with one another. Oh my gosh, twist my arm. And be watched. How hot is that, right? Now, if you're not an exhibitionist, you still get other things that you get to do, right? You get to network and you get to see sexy stuff and learn cool new things.
And another side benefit, even if you don't find another couple at a house party or a club where there's a play space you got a babysitter you got a room that you can have sex you can have as much loud sex as you want and nobody's gonna come knocking on the door and going is mommy okay exactly he's fine go away that was a huge benefit when the teenagers were in the house because you had we had to be quiet and at a at a party you don't have to be quiet you can be as loud as you want to be exactly oh my goodness the other pro there are so many pros.
You take control your own pleasure for gosh I don't know how many experiences I don't know if it was years or whatever I started a question gosh you know why are we still doing this you know the experiences are kind of right then I started some somehow it dawned on me ding why don't I just ask this person for what i want why don't i just say hey little to the left little to the right up down fast slow right right i'm i'm just as much in charge of my own pleasure as they are right and men love instructions it doesn't have to be a lot of instruction be really simple you can tell me to do whatever you want to your body order me around direct me point me in the right direction tell me which spot to lick or suckle i'm all over it right so when you start to get that confidence you start to ask for what you want and then your experiences more pleasurable.
It's a win-win. One of the most amazing aspects, and Phoebe kind of touched on this early on, and that is you come for the sex, but you leave for the community. What most people don't realize is swingers are some of the nicest people you will meet ever. It's almost like you leave with the community. Yeah, exactly. You're going to find that one, they're very inviting. They're very open-minded. Two, they love meeting new people.
They're all about having new friends and new experiences so they're really open and inviting and lastly they're not judgmental and that's one of the best things about the swinger community and that is they don't judge you for your kinks for the things that turn you on They are happy to hear about these cool new experiences that people are having and they're not going to judge you for it they're open-minded they want everybody to have a good time i know and that reminds me of this one experience i had at one of these house parties where this man was very excited to share with me their kink and their kink is blood play right and i didn't know what that was i didn't understand it and so i said oh you know i i want to know about this well tell me about this what is this and he showed me a series of pictures which i i can't go into description but you can can look it up.
You can Google it. You can Google it. And through a series of piercings or with needles, him and his partner experience a lot of pleasure through pain. Right. And so they don't do it very often because obviously there's a healing process in it but he was showing me these photos and i was fascinated i had no idea this kink existed and the kinks are some of the things that you may encounter in the swinging world the bdsm world doesn't cross over with the swinging world very often, but when it does, be open to it because you never know if you're going to be interested in it.
And it's a completely different world and it's very interesting what turns people on. And I love that.
As a sociologist, I'm just like so like into that, like what do people like and done some you know schooling and psychology too like I always want to know what is that what is it that turns you on so it's fun it's fascinating and it's and people are willing to share without judgment what they're into and it kind of goes back to that that experience where you're going to be exposed to things that you weren't going to be exposed in your tiny bubble of just you and your partner right you're going to brush against all of these different kinks and fantasies and sexual proclivities that people have that you never would have thought of and you go huh never even thought of i didn't even know that was a thing oh my gosh there are so many of those yes we have some friends in virginia and they were telling us crazy stories about the kink community and the crazy things that go on there and it's fascinating you might be into it and you didn't even know exactly exactly all right all right we're gonna come down a little bit we're gonna come down to the cons we would be remiss if we just gave you the the glossy yeah some of the cons we would be remiss if we just gave you the glossy yeah some of the cons are you're gonna have bad sex it's guaranteed you will have bad sex yeah not all the time not every time but guaranteed it's going to happen yep your partner knows all of your Yep.
Your partner knows all of your buttons. Hopefully, your partner knows all of your buttons and knows how to press those buttons in just the right combination to make all of the sparks happen. Yes. Your new partner won't know where any of your buttons are. We'll just call it that. We'll go worst case scenario. Yeah. Good news is you can tell them where your buttons are and you can communicate with them, but you're going to have to learn to be verbal. Right. The other con, or it could be a pro. It depends on how you look at it. Are hallucinogens or drugs in the lifestyle?
Some people do need those to feel comfortable in the lifestyle. It helps them relax. It helps other stresses or anxieties. And they may be drugs that they use on a regular basis, right?
And honestly, we're not actually really talking about that we're talking about drugs and drinking in excess right to the point where you cannot interact with that individual in order to have a good time for example the beginning of the evening they were very attractive you had a great conversation they were really sexy you were flirting but of the evening, they were very attractive, you had a great conversation, they were really sexy, you were flirting.
But as the evening progressed, the drugs kicked in or the alcohol kicked in and all of a sudden they weren't as aware and you weren't really sure if they could offer sound consent, right?
So you didn't feel safe having sex with them because you weren't really sure if they knew what they were saying and so that can be frustrating because you're like yes there's this couple they're super uh and then an hour later you're like oh man they're out and a lot of times this happens because couples are nervous about being in the lifestyle and having this kind of new experience and they are trying to kind of get their game on. Yeah.
And the problem can be that they pregame a little too hard and then things are not hard later or not sociable right right it does happen here's why we sail on virgin it's adults only no kids screaming at breakfast no family buffet lines just champagne at noon late night pool parties and people who actually want to be there. The vibe? Think boutique hotel that happens to float. Tattoo parlors, drag brunch, restaurants you'd actually pay for on land.
Plus, when you're looking to connect with other couples who know how to have fun, let's just say Virgin attracts a very specific type of adventurous. No wonder Bread Cruiser's here, just your people. The other thing is flaky people.
You've made a date to show up at at at a dinner or a drink date or even at a party you went specifically to that party to meet them yes we have had that experience a lot of times and they just never show up and you're like oh gosh and kind of in the broader category of flaky people you have to think about this from a pragmatic sense and that is you're dating again so you have your primary partner but you're going back into the dating world and we all know we've all heard about it you all have a single friend or a girlfriend or a boy that a guy that you know that's dating again and they will tell you how hard it is dating well you're kind of getting back into the dating world it's just different dating right you're also dealing with the fluidity of the lifestyle and random experiences so very two very different things.
Fluidity in the sense where you've read someone's profile, they said they're bi, and they're into XYZ. They're full swap. So let's say the woman's bi, and they're into full swap.
Well, you meet them at the party, and things have changed changed she thought she was by at the time when they created the profile and now no longer she is and they don't do full swap anymore now they're a hot wife couple they just didn't update their profile right so you got to be prepared for that fluidity things change as you have more experiences and you figure out what's right for you and you figure out what's right for your partner. And so that's why meeting in person is so important. So you can have these conversations right there.
And even on a given night where every other night that week you were feeling particularly sexy, you were very into it, on any particular night, you might not feel in the mood. Yeah. And so sexuality is very fluid, and it changes from moment to moment or interaction to interaction. Someone may have said something to them at the party that set them off and they're just not into it that night. Right. And, and that happens and that's okay.
You have to be comfortable with that, which kind of gets into the whole randomness of it and it's hit and miss, not only because of the sexuality, but because of the or the music or the dj or the weather yep everything is up in the air you're dealing with a whole bunch of different people it's not you going on a single date a one-on-one date where the situation is a little bit more controlled you're dealing with a large group of people and group dynamics are very random. You never know how it's going to work out. Right. Okay. Now on top of all that, you've got some emotional challenges, right?
Something happened about the day, right? You got some baggage from the day. Maybe you had an argument with your significant other on the way over. Maybe something cropped up at the party. You saw something that triggered you or your primary partner did something in the heat of the moment that maybe busted a rule or a boundary and they didn't mean to, right? So now you've got some emotional challenges to deal with. So that does happen. It's not necessarily a con. I mean, there's always an opportunity for learning, growth, and moving past that, right?
But it may not be the expected evening that you had planned or envisioned, it happens and that's part of it so you have to be able to accept that and roll with it roll with it emotionally you can also have things that were deep-seated that you didn't realize were there and these experiences can bring those up something that a previous relationship had brought out watching experiences seeing things happen having something happen in a play experience can bring those emotions out those past experiences can come out so you have to be prepared for those challenges i had that happen several times just watching other couple dynamics and i was like oh that triggered things for me and i was like oh my gosh right yeah absolutely you just don't know i didn't expect it i didn't know yeah being outed oh my goodness now this one's an interesting one and i think when we recorded this the first time versus now where we're re-recording this it's interesting because i almost feel like the environment has changed a little bit oh yes but i will say there is an there is a possibility that you might see someone or someone might run across your profile and expose you as being a swinger.
It is a possibility. So if you have a high profile job or you have a job where it has an ethics clause, you may consider modifying how you expose yourself within the community. So don't show your face. Don't wear clothing that's recognizable. If you wear like a specific coat or a jacket or a fancy evening dress that is easily identifiable, you might consider not posting those kinds of pictures. Something that's flattering, yet not specifically identifiable will help you with that. Exactly.
We've had really good luck with that, but we've also not had positions or jobs where it was that important that we become completely anonymous. If you do have a position like that, for example, you're a school teacher or you're a CEO of a major corporation. Senator or when you work in government. There's a lot of government jobs where we live. A judge. Yeah. Law enforcement. There's lots of opportunity to be exposed.
Now, on a positive side we've met a lot of people in the lifestyle and the lifestyle people that we meet are not out to expose you yeah we're all in the same club yeah it's the weird people from outside that maybe had a bad experience or maybe they're angry about something that want to expose you. So kind of within the community, we've had really good luck and very few experiences where people were outed. Now we know other podcasters who've been outed in their community and it was bad for them.
So your mileage will vary, but it is a possibility, but there are things that you can do to kind of protect your identity. And we've got episodes about that as well. So if you want to find out how to remain anonymous a little bit, we've got some tips for that. Exactly. A lot of people bring up issues between other couples, the drama, right? And I really don't like that word drama. Everyone uses it like it's negative. And really all drama is, is a conflict. And a conflict is really just a disagreement between two minds, right?
But it's also an opportunity to learn and figure out where you are with that perspective, right? One person has one perspective through their lens. The other person has a different perspective through their lens. And you just have to meet somewhere in the middle. Sometimes that happens at a party. Sometimes it's not the most opportune time or place because why? Maybe some other factors are in play. Like they've had a little bit too much to drink and it's in front of everybody. Okay. Yeah, it's not optimal, but it doesn't happen all the time.
And it's not so much prevalent now as it was about 10 years ago, but people really didn like this whole i don't want to you know they would always say i don't want to play with them because they've got drama well you know they're working through their stuff you know they they're figuring it out doesn't necessarily mean they're bad people in fact we have some really good friends right now that we're great friends with him. We're great friends with her. And honestly, they've broken up five times since we've known them. And we still love them both. We don't pick sides. We wish the best for them.
They're just trying to figure their stuff out. Right. You know, we offer advice when they ask for it, never unsolicited. and they're wonderful people. But we all have lives, and we all kind of just stumble through it, and we figure it out as we go. So that's my little bit. Now, there are couples who have maybe not figured things out very well.
Maybe she's into it and he's not, or vice versa, where he's into it and he's not or vice versa where he's into it and she's not and that can be a little tricky and that will happen on occasion yeah we don't run into that an awful lot no we don't but we do run into that where where it almost feels like she's been drugged and brought to the party. We've seen that recently on a few posts, on a few forums. If you or your partner are not into it, this isn't something that you can coerce them into it. You can't browbeat them to become swingers. It doesn't work that way. No.
And they probably have really good reasons why they don't want to do it. They either feel that it will jeopardize the relationship, which you should be supportive of them not wanting to blow up the relationship, or they've got some deep seated thing that they have to work through on their own.
So it's not a good and you're not going to have a very good experience especially if you're strong arming them into something that they're not comfortable with the last con which is extremely rare these were some good friends of ours that are no longer in the lifestyle and we wish they were we were still in touch with them because we we desperately love them and love their company but because they went in hot to the lifestyle and just they burned out quick and now they're out and they don't even want to associate with anyone swinger and it's so sad but they had an incident where they brought someone back to a hotel room I don't I don't think they knew them very well and they may have picked them up at the bar as was their style and they their stuff was stolen so while they were getting busy the other partner or partners there were multiple people in the room went through the pant pocket and the purse and stole their their credit card their their driver's license their phone like for real it was not cool and it i've never ever heard of that except for their experience right but they were they were they're a little crazy they were a little on our friends they're a little on the fringe with like getting out there and vanilla hunting yeah just bringing random people so these were these were not your typical swingers they were just vanilla people that they had more you know dragging back to have a good time.
Bless their hearts. But yeah, so something to, you know, consider, but very, very rare. And I think those are all the cons. But, you know, overall, as you can tell from our examples, we really enjoy this lifestyle, this hobby, if you want to call it a hobby. And, you know, the cons really aren't that bad. And depending on your circumstances, there may only be a few downsides. So I encourage you to explore and experiment. But, you know, make sure you're safe and aware. And if you have questions, feel free to reach out to us. We'd be happy to answer any of those questions. Thank you.
Oh, one last thing before you go. If this episode helped you in any way, the single best thing you can do to support the show is leaving a rating and review. It takes 60 seconds and helps new people find us when they're searching for relationship education. And we've made it easy. Visit swingeruniversity.com forward slash review. All the instructions are there. Thank you for being part of this community. We'll see you again soon.
