Want to send us a message? In this eye-opening episode of Swinger University, hosts Ed and Phoebe tackle the provocative idea that swingers are rule breakers in society s eyes. They explore how the swinger lifestyle challenges traditional norms around relationships and sexuality, pushing boundaries while maintaining a foundation of consent and respect. Listen in as they discuss the complexities of ethical non-monogamy, the misconceptions about the lifestyle (including other podcaster s opinions), and the evolving dynamics as non-swingers enter the scene. Whether you re experienced in the lifestyle or just curious, this episode offers valuable insights into what it truly means to live outside the box.Enjoyed the discussion? Give us a thumbs up, subscribe to Swinger University for more deep dives into the world of ethical non-monogamy, and hit the notification bell to stay updated with our latest episodes. Share this video to spread awareness and understanding of the swinger lifestyle!#SwingerLifestyle #EthicalNonMonogamy #RelationshipGoals #ConsentCulture #OpenRelationships #Swingers #NonMonogamy #SwingerUniversity Support the showWant More?👀 Watch on YouTube: YouTube ShowFull video versions and interactive live episodes!Bonus episodes, exclusive content, and 🌶️Extras: https://www.patreon.com/SwingerUniversity 🛳️🎉Looking for lifestyle events in your area? T4P is the go-to directory for clubs, parties, and resort events. Browse now at Ticket4Play.com Custom SU T-shirts and gear: Our Amazon StoreSwingerLinks.com - live schedule, special offers*, and our 🌶️links!Our Website - Leave us a message, articles, and sexy products3 Ways to get your question on our show:RECORD it on our website at: https://swingeruniversity.com/contact/EMAIL a recorded voice note to: [email protected]: (916) 538-0482 and leave a voicemail.* We get a commission if you decide to purchase through our links, at no cost to you.
Transcript
We have to talk about something we've been genuinely excited about for months, and our patrons actually got a preview of this already. Jamaica! Yes, we are going back, and actually, we have a great offer for you guys. Yeah, it's Swingcation. It's October 11th through the 18th at Hedonism 2. And if you don't know what Swingcation is, it's pretty easy. Swinger plus kink plus vacation. It's a hosted group with real structure, workshops, lectures, real conversations with experts who are passionate about bringing and bridging that gap between the swinger world and the kink world.
And we're not just going as attendees. We're going as featured presenters, which is exciting. We'll be leading sessions. So if you come, we actually get to hang out with you. Which brings up something we should mention. When you use our code, yes, we got a code, you're not just getting a discount. You're getting the signature swing experience, which means $100 off per person, up to $200 per room, but it also means that we make time for you. An exclusive breakfast, lunch, cocktail hour, or one-hour and one time with us directly, plus more surprise benefits.
Here's something that's really unique. You could actually contribute by hosting a discussion or running a Skillshare. I know it's scary, but if you have something that you want to contribute, that's a big part of why this event is so special. Everyone there has something to bring to the table. All right, details. If you book before April 25th, you save $400. Plus, they gave us that special code that gets you an additional $200, and the special code is SWINGERU-VIP. So book through TicketForPlay.com forward slash Swinky. That's T-I-C-K-E-T, the number four, play.com forward slash S-W-I-N-K-Y.
And use our code at checkout. And you guys, if you have any questions about the event, the resort, or what to expect, just reach out. I mean, we're here for you. We're happy to help. So once again, TicketForPlay.com forward slash Swinky, the code SwingerU-VIP. We really want to see you there. Well, you know, swingers are rule breakers. Apparently, I'm a very naughty girl. Right. Swinging has a bad rap. Because we are hurting the institution. Swingers are not the best with consent. Additional partners. Additional partners, three additional partners, whatever. Hi, I'm Ed. And I'm Phoebe.
And this is Swinger University. And we are not in the studio. And I've said that for the last three episodes. But if it's not obvious, this is not the studio. Today's episode is a little bit different. We've talked about this bits and pieces pieces we had an episode a long time ago good baffles bad apples but we wanted to get back into this because it keeps coming up and we're talking about swingers are rule breakers we heard this recently in a post that somebody had made we were like well you know swingers are rule breakers we wanted heard this recently in a post that somebody had made.
We were like, well, you know, swingers are rule breakers. We wanted to talk about that a little bit. Everyone knows that swingers are rule breakers, right? Or are they? Should we break rules? And which rules are made to be broken did you see the fish jump? If you spot it, put a comment in the video that you saw a fish. Yeah, this is a video where you're going to have to identify all the things that are in the video other than us too. Right. I started thinking about this in terms of like rule breaking and swingers.
And we all we all joke about it a little bit but there's there's a reality to this and that is ethical non monogamy breaks a lot of rules so by very nature.
nature we are the ultimate rule breakers right so let's let's talk about the big picture one so you've got monogamy versus non-monogamy swinging and polyamory right and whether you like it or not ethical non-monogamy is a giant umbrella and swinging and poly and all the variations in between the two, they fit under this this umbrella and the opposite side of that is monogamy we're all breaking that rule it's a taboo and and we're all in it because that's what we've committed to is to be non-monogamous the fact that if you're a married couple and you're having sex with other people, guess what?
That's adultery. So we're breaking that rule too, but it's by choice and it's a mutual agreed. We're consenting adults. We went into this together. I'm not coercing her. She's not coercing me. This is it. This is by choice. So what Thank you.
adults we went into this together i'm not coercing her she's not coercing me this is it this is by choice so what two consenting adults decide to do whether it's by themselves or with other people who the fuck else cares right and and honestly that breaks some rules because some people are like well you you shouldn't do that according to whose rules right who are you hurting We'll be right back.
some rules because some people are like well you you shouldn't do that according to whose rules right who are you hurting that's our that's our position on this yeah i'm not hurting anybody and you know which kind of leads into the whole thing which is sex is fun and if it's fun and consensual and recreational and not just for procreation, why can't it be a good thing? Because we are hurting the institution, the religious institution. So we're eroding the religious institution and the rules of that, which erodes society.
Right means as rule breakers we don't conform which means we are now like non-conformists which they can't control and that's scary right because if i decide to have hot dogs for dinner at my house that prevents you from having hamburgers at your house or does it? I don't think it does. So there you go. That's the whole thing about taboo. And by its very nature, we're all kind of breaking that rule. Let's talk about some rules should be broken.
there are a number of people out in the world who find things like and here's some naughty ones masturbation casual sex pre-marital sex as being extremely taboo mm-hmm yeah still today for a lot of other people not that big a deal right and i get it if that's the way you want to believe and that's what you stand by then absolutely please do because we're not telling you what you should or shouldn't do no and as an adult i'm allowed to choose to do what I want to do as long as it's legal and it's not hurting anybody. So those are rules that we choose to break.
We choose to masturbate and have sex out of wedlock and have sex with other people. And that's okay for us doesn't have to be okay for you that's absolutely okay here's another one this one's your favorite oh oh anal sex is naughty apparently i'm a very naughty girl then right there are a number of people who think that that is just not okay. And honestly, if that's what you're into, that's okay to break that rule. That rule, the rule that you're not supposed to be able to do that. Now, if someone doesn't want to do that, then that's okay for them to have that rule too.
And you shouldn't break that rule. Right. This is a good one.
I'm going to, I want to speak to this one because because there's a there's a segment of the population that believes that a woman using a marital aid oh for those who don't know a dildo or a vibrator or any kind of sex toy actually diminishes their masculinity now i personally don't feel that way and i'm happy whatever makes her make those great noises that she makes i'm all for it so whether it's a little mechanical device run on rechargeable batteries or alkaline i don't care because it makes her happy and that makes me happy so and i get to put on a show or you get to see a show and i get to have fun in a different way what's not to like about that why we are breaking that rule absolutely all the time i'm happy to break the macho man rule uh because i seem to be enjoying it quite a bit and she's not complaining about it either and here's the the thing.
If it helps her to achieve orgasm, for those men who haven't realized it yet, women don't always orgasm with PIV sex or penis in vagina sex. Sometimes it requires a little bit of outside stimulation, fingers, toys, you name it. And that's okay. Additional partners.
partners additional partners three additional partners whatever uh anything that helps someone achieve what their goal is for for sex and it's not once again hurting anyone or illegal although sex toys ironically are illegal in some places and they're trying to bring that illegality back so if you live in a state where they're trying to do that and you are against that either move or vote them out because you know what yeah this is okay to do there's nothing wrong with having a vibrator in your nightstand and using it this is a fun one we like this one sex in front of others it's fun you know it's a lot of fun and a lot of people would be very offended by that you know that's supposed to happen in your bedroom in the privacy of your own home with the windows drawn and the lights off and the sheets and all of that and the special like cloth cover with a little oh with the hole in it yeah so from having sex in public all out in the open with the lights on in crazy positions beyond missionary you know it's okay it's a lot of fun.
And that's a great rule. We love breaking that particular rule. We are making fun of a little, I will say, of people that do subscribe to that. A lot of people do have sex in the dark with the sheet and the hole. And some of that's self-confidence.
And we're not making fun of the people who have self-confidence issues or anything but it doesn't have to be a rule now if it's your religion and those are the things that you need to subscribe to in order to conform to that religion one you're probably not looking at this podcast or if you are welcome aboard and come on over to the dark side because and two by all. And two, by all means, subscribe to that if that is how you want to live your life. You have the right to do that. It may be better for you that way. You may enjoy it more that way. And that's okay.
If that's the way that you enjoy it, absolutely. It's not hurting anybody. And what you do in the privacy of your house is absolutely okay. We choose to break that rule, though. So, let's talk about the rules that shouldn't be broken. Uh-oh. No, let's get serious now. Okay. And this is where some swingers get in trouble and create a bad name for themselves. And this first one, consent. Absolutely. We admit it. Swingers are not the best with consent. Not so much in terms of violating people's consent, although that does happen.
It's more about not having good enough conversations about what consent means to that partner. And actually having a consent conversation at the beginning. Not having the best consent. Yeah, there's a lot of assumptions that get made in the lifestyle. And we would love to see that changed. We're looking forward to helping to educate the community a little bit more about that. And you know what? Consent can actually be sexy. Having a conversation ahead of time about what you want to do with somebody and having them agree to it is kind of hot. Okay, can we talk about October for a second?
Oh my God I've been waiting for this we were invited to be guest speakers for two engagements on a six-star crystal cruise ship with 310 lifestyle couples and it sails from Montreal to Boston during the peak foliage season i'm super excited excited. And honestly, I'm really nervous. Yeah, it's kind of a version of like a swinger TED talk that we're going to have to do. Oh my god, I know. And more importantly, if you know the brand, it's LLV, Luxury Lifestyle Vacations. You may have seen them and they're sexy playmakers with their fun red hats. This ship, the Crystal Symphony, is classy.
Butler service for every single room, Michelin rated restaurants, full spa, clothing optional, sensual playrooms, like everything, theme nights and international dj so it's luxury and nudity oh man this is gonna be great the bottom line is we want you there with us it's 310 couples and like all their vacations they book up fast they really do their vacations are extremely popular so please come with us and in order to find it all you have to do is go to our swingerlinks.com and look for the llv sensual voyage we hope you'll join us For example, here is a very subtle example of non-consent that happens all the time.
I may be on the bed with another woman. She may be giving Ed a blowjob. And her mister decides it's okay to come up behind me and touch me. Because all three of them, you know, me and his missus are touching. She's touching you. I'll see you for asking, not now. I'm really enjoying what I'm doing with your wife. But I didn't at the time and I wish I had. So And over time, those little tiny breaks of consent start to build up. And over time, those little tiny breaks of consent start to build up. And over time, you start to think, wow, I mean, I'm not having great experiences.
Or, you know what, that experience was okay, but it was kind of shitty because of this one thing. Or I wish I really would have been able to do this and express myself this way. But it got truncated because somebody else kind of came in and yucked my yum because I was enjoying this thing with somebody else. Right. And that's a good one of many examples of how, you know, consent gets a little iffy sometimes in the swing lifestyle. Now, the other one, and this kind of segues into this next one, which is boundaries. So there are two sets of boundaries.
There's boundaries that you have agreed to with your partner, and there are boundaries that you have with your new partners, whoever they are.
Those rules shouldn't be broken unless you have a renegotiation in the middle of an event and we've had that happen where we were rules up front decided we weren't going to do x or y and then in the middle of it we both look at each other and go i'm kind of thinking we want to change this boundary for tonight and as long as it's not a coercion and as long as everybody's in agreement and it's not like you aren't able to consent to that because you've maybe had too much to drink or you've consumed something that lowers your inhibitions and you probably shouldn't be breaking those kinds of boundaries it's perfectly fine give me an example of a boundary a boundary so the no kissing rule or you've decided that uh no no anal with partners um or you've decided that uh no single ladies for the night that it's all couples only that's our boundary for that night yeah so would would you agree that even if a boundary isn't spoken, it can be broken?
For example, if you're having sex with somebody and they decide to use their hand on your throat and perform, what is that called? Asphyxiation. Right. Asphyxiation. Even though it wasn't discussed as part of consent wouldn't you agree that that could be a boundary that's broken even though it wasn't discussed because there's an assumption made that that's a bit more um not extreme but it's outside the normal realm of play. Correct. Which requires more conversation. Yeah.
And I would actually classify that more as a breaking of consent because they didn't actually ask for your consent to perform that particular act. But yeah, that could have been a boundary in your mind, but unless it's communicated, which gets us back to the consent thing, it's better not to say, I don't do this, and I don't do that, and I don't do that. It's much easier to say, I want this, this, and this. Yes. Then now you have a menu of play options that you can play with, and anything that's not on that menu, you've got to ask for additional consent because you were not granted it.
You may not even know a particular kink exists until you get with that partner and they think it's okay. And they perform that all the time. They think they want to do it on you. And you're like, I didn't know to say no to this because I didn't even know this thing existed. Right.
Which is also an excellent segue to our next item item which is kink contracts should never be broken so in the kink community there's a sometimes a written contract written up at the very beginning before play even starts the two parties or whoever's involved in that that scene agree ahead of time to minuscule details exactly what's going to go on and how it's going to go on now it doesn't sound very spontaneous and it doesn't sound very sexy but you know exactly what you're signing up for and in the king community especially when you're talking about like some pretty heavy impact play or others, like you can go beyond impact play.
It's very important to not break those things, especially when you start getting into things like consensual non-consent. Absolutely, you need an agreement up front, and that is not okay to break. But I will say, talking about those things up front, that is a form of turn on for a lot of people. Oh yeah. Because you're, you're mentally discussing and communicating what you desire and expressing that and being able to express that is exciting. And I, I do get that. Oh yeah, absolutely.
Talking to a potential play partner saying, I'd love to do this to you and this and this it's kind of in a verbal agreement ahead of time not a full contract but if i had a woman come up to me and say i want to do these three things to you i'd have been like okay please do where should i where should i sit lie down whatever the other one that you will never want to violate are the rules of an event yes you're at a house party they've got signs up that say don't go in here you're at a house party and they say don't do x y and z in the backyard you don't leave beer cans or cigarette butts on the neighbor's lawn or a sidewalk as you leave right the noise down in the neighborhood every event will have a specific set of rules and it is imperative imperative that we follow those rules why if you like the party and you want it to happen again don't piss the hosts off because they may go you know what screw these people they can't follow rules and they broke all my shit or something bad happened or my neighbors hate me now and guess what we can't have parties anymore i don't think you want that you want to be able to go back to that party especially if you're having such a good time that you decide that you want to break some rules.
So don't break rules at events. And this kind of gets us to the meat of the thing. And this is where we kind of, I alluded to this at the beginning, but I want to talk about it a little bit more. And that's that swinging has a bad rap. There are a number of podcasts who I'm not going to mention them. Oh, come on. Nope, not going to do it. Absolutely not stepping in that pile of... Anyway, that are 100% convinced that swinging is a negative thing. It is a terrible term.
And I don't know if it's that they have a disagreement with the term or that they just don't want to be associated with people who maybe do some of the things that we talked about in terms of like breaking rules and maybe not being the best within consent. I feel that that's an overgeneralization because I would say the vast majority of people who we know who follow that club name of swinger and don't necessarily rely on something like ethical non-monogamy as the fallback term to describe what they do, which by the way, swinging is still ethical non-monogamy.
If you're not being ethical about it, you're not really swinging. You're just cheating. And that's one of the rules that we also don't break. We didn't even get into that. But if you're cheating, you're not having an agreement with your partner. That's not swinging swinging that's just being a douchebag so don't be a douchebag swinging has gotten a bad rap because of some of the consent issues that we've talked about and because there are a few individuals who do bad things and kind of make a bad name for us but that's not everybody as a matter of fact that's not even the majority.
That's not even a large minority. It's a really small segment of at least the people that we've hung out with. And we've been doing this for 11 years. Sacramento, Colorado, Florida, cruise ships, which is an international crowd, three of those. Hedonism, which is also an international crowd. And they came from all over Canadian swingers. Oh, Costa Rica. We've been to multiple events down in Costa Rica from people all with people from all over the world. And honestly, I can't think of anybody on there.
Maybe, maybe a handful of people at any of the events that we've ever been at that broke any of these rules.
It just doesn't happen that much, which is why I think that either as a whole, we need to give the term swinger a break and stop kind of lumping even the bad people who are not being good swingers with the vast majority of people who are being good swingers and blacklisting all of us that's not fair that's like saying just because somebody cheats and they were polyamorous that polyamory is a bad thing that would be a that would be a stupid statement that wouldn't make any sense whatsoever nor would i say that the institution of marriage and monogamy is broken and bad and no one should do it because people cheat yeah some people cheat that doesn't make marriage or monogamy broken it just maybe not what we do but that's a whole other thing ed's on a rant i'm on my rant that was my rant for for the the episode because i think swinging gets a bad rap for for bad reasons i don't think that the the reasons why swinging is a bad thing have anything to do with the community i think it has to do with a couple individuals and their bad behavior.
Yeah. And I don't, I don't associate with those people. And I certainly, if I had seen that at an event, might speak up and tell them, what are you doing?
There's also, what's also happening more recently in our community, probably in the last three to five years, is that some of the party hosts will invite just anybody they're not they're not swingers so single males or or anyone basically who knocks on their door they'll let in and it's it's kind of like a tinder event basically yes so they're not they don't subscribe to the foundation that we all subscribe to as swingers which is just this open loving sense of community with deep respect and right and what comes from that is is able to have good sexual experiences and play and be light and fun and enjoy kinks and have uh forms of intimacy with one another that are outside of our normal relationships or our main partner relationships not normal but our main partner relationships and so it's it's kind of diffusing the community because those individuals are um being accepted in um for for profit you know they're not really swingers they're um and they don't really know the rules and no one's educating them they just take their money and they come in exactly swinging is a lot of fun if you can we have a lot of fun doing it.
Partly because of the taboo nature of the lifestyle. But there are some rules that we need to be better at following so that we can all continue to enjoy the rest of the rule breaking with each other. Thanks for tuning in. We appreciate you watching our channel and listening in. If you're listening in on the podcast, thank you. Thank you very much. We appreciate you. Don't forget your homework. Tell a friend about our podcast.
So the next time you hear an event, tell one, two, three people, tell all the couples about Swinger University and how much fun you enjoy listening to our stories and the great positive message that we have about the swinging lifestyle. You can also leave us a voicemail at 916-538-0482. We'd love to hear your stories, and if you give us permission, we'd love to have your audio in the show. Because that would be a lot of fun. It would be a lot of fun. Even if it's just something dirty. We can put that on the podcast and maybe not on YouTube. Right.
Or you can reach out to us at swingeruniversity.com. You can email us. You can comment on all of our posts. You can look up our vacations and our cool merch because we also have t-shirts on there too that i've designed and uh yeah or just stop in and say hi just swing on through so as we say keep keep growing, and keep it sexy. Oh, one last thing before you go. If this episode helped you in any way, the single best thing you can do to support the show is leaving a rating and review. It takes a seconds and helps new people find us when they're searching for relationship education.
And we've made it easy. Visit swingeruniversity.com forward slash review. All the instructions are there. Thank you for being part of this community. We'll see you again soon.
