Want to send us a message? We take some time to break down some common swinger lingo and terminology to help you navigate this exciting world of swinging. Of course we throw in a few stories to help spice up this lesson.While you could go searching across the internet for the definitions to these, we bring them to you in a nice delicious package.Here are just a few of the terms we cover:Vanilla Hunting UnicornCuckoldCuckqueenBi-curiousPlaySoft SwapFull SwapDTFKissing RuleSame RoomHall PassVoyeurismBarebacking Support the showWant More?👀 Watch on YouTube: YouTube ShowFull video versions and interactive live episodes!Bonus episodes, exclusive content, and 🌶️Extras: https://www.patreon.com/SwingerUniversity 🛳️🎉Looking for lifestyle events in your area? T4P is the go-to directory for clubs, parties, and resort events. Browse now at Ticket4Play.com Custom SU T-shirts and gear: Our Amazon StoreSwingerLinks.com - live schedule, special offers*, and our 🌶️links!Our Website - Leave us a message, articles, and sexy products3 Ways to get your question on our show:RECORD it on our website at: https://swingeruniversity.com/contact/EMAIL a recorded voice note to: [email protected]: (916) 538-0482 and leave a voicemail.* We get a commission if you decide to purchase through our links, at no cost to you.
Transcript
We have to talk about something we've been genuinely excited about for months, and our patrons actually got a preview of this already. Jamaica! Yes, we are going back, and actually, we have a great offer for you guys. Yeah, it's Swingcation. It's October 11th through the 18th at Hedonism 2. And if you don't know what Swingcation is, it's pretty easy. Swinger plus kink plus vacation. It's a hosted group with real structure, workshops, lectures, real conversations with experts who are passionate about bringing and bridging that gap between the swinger world and the kink world.
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Here's something that's really unique. You could actually contribute by hosting a discussion or running a Skillshare. I know it's scary, but if you have something that you want to contribute, that's a big part of why this event is so special. Everyone there has something to bring to the table. All right, details. If you book before April 25th, you save $400. Plus, they gave us that special code that gets you an additional $200, and the special code is SWINGERU-VIP. So book through TicketForPlay.com forward slash Swinky. That's T-I-C-K-E-T, the number four.
So book through TicketForPlay.com forward slash Swinkie. That's T-I-C-K-E-T, the number four, play.com forward slash S-W-I-N-K-Y. And use our code at checkout. And you guys, if you have any questions about the event, the resort, or what to expect, just reach out. I mean, we're here for you. We're happy to help. So once again, ticketforplay.com forward slash Swinky, the code SwingerU-VIP. We really want to see you there.
you're listening to the swinger university with ed and phoebe an educational podcast about swinging nothing in life comes with a manual so our intent is to provide a concise podcast to help make sense of the complex and fluid nature of sexuality and swinging as a hobby you will hear about our growth challenges and excitement through our personal stories we will offer our suggestions I'll see you next time. of sexuality and swinging as a hobby. You will hear about our growth, challenges, and excitement through our personal stories.
We will offer our suggestions on what works well and what doesn't each step of the way. We appreciate the existing Swinger podcast community and hope our offering will enrich an ever-growing sex-positive society. This podcast discusses sexuality between consenting adults and is intended for mature audiences. We are not licensed professionals and this podcast is for entertainment purposes only. Our first two episodes got you thinking about swinging and talking to your partner.
This episode discusses terminology that you will see in profiles, hear at events, and in conversations with your new friends. We're going to guide you through most of the common swinger lingo, so you're ready to interpret all the terminology you'll be encountering. Please know that these definitions are compiled from our experience, Webster's Dictionary, and other friends from the swinging community. Since sex is fluid, these definitions tend to change a little based on the community. We'll ease you into the lingo by starting with something we're all familiar with.
Phoebe, why don't you begin with our first definition? Our first definition is vanilla. This is a term swingers use to define those who do not swing. You may find another fellow swinger saying, what are you doing this weekend? And your response would be, oh, I'm going to a vanilla event. They would say, oh, say hi to your family for me. So they already know that the vanilla event is usually family or an event with friends that do not swing. The barbecues, the birthday parties with aunts, uncles, cousins, friends from work, etc.
Which, of course, leads us into the next term that you'll hear thrown about, which is vanilla hunting. It's not as violent as it sounds. And really, vanilla hunting refers to finding random vanillas in real life and chatting them up in the hope of converting them, at least for an evening. Right. We have several friends who enjoy this sport and partake in it randomly as they're traveling about. And have some really good success. We have not deployed their techniques, but we have heard there are some specific cues from particular bartenders.
I guess if they spend a lot of time chatting with you that is a clue yeah we actually had that experience this last year actually we did actually earlier this year at uh an event we went out for dinner and we hung out in a bar and the bartender seemed to spend an awful lot of time talking to us and inviting us to come back for breakfast the next morning yes oh my gosh it was very we'll just call it it was a missed opportunity on our part because she was definitely throwing out a bunch of signals yeah so wish we had our cards then exactly so look for the and you never know.
You may have an adventure that you weren't expecting. The next term, swinging, the practice of engaging in group sex or the swapping of sexual partners within a group, especially on a habitual basis. Right. A common basis. Having consensual, non-monogamous relationships. Yes. Which leads us into a little bit more commitment, which is polyamory. Polyamory is the practice of or desire for intimate, long-term live-in relationships with more than one partner, with the consent of all partners involved. In a sense, it's an open relationship, but one that's long-term. I don't know.
relationships with more than one partner with the consent of all partners involved. In a sense, it's an open relationship, but one that's long-term. They either live together or sometimes they just have an open relationship with someone who doesn't necessarily live with them, but it's an accepted long-term, almost boyfriend-girlfriend kind of relationship over an extended period of time.
Listening to a bunch of other podcasts, the swing set etc we've heard lots of descriptions about this as being as complicated as having a normal relationship with a boyfriend or girlfriend and then adding that extra layer on top of it of having an open relationship which is you know complicated in and of itself heck having any kind of long-term partner is complicated and there's lots to deal with didn't we meet a couple that at one of the pool parties he traveled a lot and he when he traveled to say california he would spend time with his primary partner and but then because he like literally traveled a lot to say washington i don't remember where it was he'd stay with his secondary relationship partner we we also met a couple who was in costa rica with us they showed up on the i think almost the last night that we were there they were traveling together and it was a man and two women oh yeah and one was the primary relationship from a previous relationship right and the new girlfriend was very open to involving this previous girlfriend and they they all traveled together right right the old the ex-girlfriend i remember this story they broke up he moved on got a new girlfriend she somehow came back into his life and said look i really miss you and he's like well i've got a new girlfriend she's like sounds great the more the merrier i i have to have you in my life and this works for me and he's like all right so yeah the three of them they travel together and they they were very sexy oh god yes they were unfortunately they they stayed up late and slept in early and we weren't able to really connect with them more than a couple evenings so slept stayed up yeah late slept in late yeah yeah.
And then we had to leave. So sad. Vacations do have to end. Unicorn. A unicorn is a single female that typically plays with both the man and the woman of a couple. However, just the women are known to play, especially when a couple is new to the lifestyle. Many people we have found find this safe, a safe way to ease into that type of partner sharing. So the man will sometimes watch, sometimes he'll participate lightly in a soft swap scenario, which will explain what that is.
But it's a really nice way for women to connect and play and you get to see and experience sex in a different way right without involving all people at the same time yeah and i think a lot of it comes down to a couple who doesn't want to feel threatened and having another man in the room sometimes threatens the male. And women tend to be bisexual and wanting that outlet. And so it's kind of a safe way for both partners to play and experience something without him having to watch her with another man, which I think is hard for a lot of men.
The other aspect to that can be a woman who is full swap, and both the partners are, you know, the woman's bisexual and the male wants a female partner. And she, the unicorn, in a sense, becomes a toy for the couple to play with. And she becomes an integral part of their kind of dynamic as they're playing. And so they both have their way with her. Right. So unicorns are commonly referred to as unicorns because they're so rare. Opposite of the unicorn is the single male. They're everywhere. They're not hard to find. And you can throw a rock and hit a dozen single males on any lifestyle website.
As a matter of fact, most of the profiles that you will read will say, not interested in single males. We'll contact you, don't contact us. No, I get it. Men are naturally inclined to want sex. We're all over sexed, and I get it. And there's a lot of single guys running around going, wait, what? You guys all get together and get naked and have sex?
sex sign me up cuckold a male that enjoys watching his female partner have sex with another male often does not participate in activities yes we have we have found this uh quite often yeah in the lifestyle we've we've seen it we've observed it and uh i i found that fascinating i i don't know how they can not participate but they that's where they're at there's a an extra level of cuckolding which is that the male is actually not allowed to participate now there's a slight variation on this which is actually something called the hot wife where the guy just really enjoys watching his wife have a good time now cuckolding is a step Thank you.
slight variation on this which is actually something called the hot wife where the guy just really enjoys watching his wife have a good time now cuckolding is a step beyond that where he's not allowed to participate and in a sense it's a form of domination which we'll get into in a little bit the kind of the opposite term for hot wife is stag and that's's the male equivalent of the hot wife, and that's that the woman loves to watch her husband have sex.
She's not forbidden from participating, but she just really enjoys watching her man have sex and is perfectly happy just watching him enjoy himself. Stag. Stag. Yeah, so we've got the hot wife and we've got the stag that's fun yeah that term stag you pulled that one out i didn't know about that one i know i've got all these terminologies floating around in my head i'm a bit of a nerd okay cuck queen so this is the female equivalent a female that enjoys watching her male partner have sex with another female, but does not participate.
So this is the other thing where it's a form of domination and she sits back and has to watch as her partner ravishes some woman and she merely has to observe and is not part of it. it not our thing but it's a thing for some people i've done a so pseudo version of that oh yeah but you were playing right up to the minute where you were worn out and you were like okay i'm just gonna i'm gonna coast at this point just watch okay can we talk about october for a second oh my god yeah i've been waiting for this Thank you. Okay, can we talk about October for a second? Oh my God, yeah.
I've been waiting for this. We were invited to be guest speakers for two engagements on a six-star crystal cruise ship with 310 lifestyle couples. And it sails from Montreal to Boston during the peak foliage season. I'm super excited. And honestly, I'm really nervous.
Yeah, it's kind of a version of like a swinger ted talk that we're gonna have to do oh my god i know and more importantly if you know the brand it's llv luxury lifestyle vacations You may have seen them and they're sexy playmakers with their fun red hats this ship the crystal symphony is classy butler service for every single room michelin rated restaurants full spa clothing optional sensual playrooms like everything theme nights and international DJ. So it's luxury and nudity? Oh man, this is going to be great. The bottom line is we want you there with us.
It's 310 couples and like all their vacations, they book up fast. They really do. Their vacations are extremely popular. So please come with us. And in order to find it, all you have to do is go to ourswingerlinks.com and look for the LLV Sensual Voyage. We hope you'll join us. There's a point where I really like to watch.
And then i have to start touching because i just can't take it anymore exactly like i have to participate you'd be a terrible sub oh god yeah you'd have to tie me up which i would hate so right like i said it would be just be awful just a bad sub you just like to touch too much i i would be all right bisexual versus straight straight obviously you know what straight is someone having sexual orientation to persons of the opposite sex that's right your common heterosexual relationships all fall into that exactly bisexual a Bisexual, a romantic attraction or sexual attraction. Oh, sorry.
Romantic, sexual or sexual behavior towards both males and females or to more than one sex or gender. It may also be defined as romantic or sexual attraction to people of any sex or gender identity, which is also known as pansexuality. Right. And there's lots of sexualities. We're not going to get into all of them because the dictionary actually exploded at some point over the last few years with all kinds of these variations on sexuality. We're going to cover the basics on this.
The next one we're going to talk about is bi curious and as it sounds it's someone who's curious about bisexuality they're heterosexual predominantly but you know they're kind of curious what this same sex thing is about both and females. And there are a lot of profiles that we've read where women are categorizing themselves as bi-curious. They're not convinced that they like women, but, you know, women are awfully soft. And they smell good.
Sensual and sexy sexy i think i might want to try some of that why not exactly and and we've we've encountered friends who don't categorize themselves as bi but they say you know male friends i'm talking about, they say, you know what, if someone, if another man wants to give me a blowjob and it feels good, why the hell not? Right. And it's interesting.
We hadn't experienced a lot of bisexual males in the lifestyle probably the first four years we were in the lifestyle right and in the last two years we've almost run exclusively into a bunch of by curious bisexual males it's yeah it's kind of crazy it's nice i i like it it's because why should women just be the the i don't know the only ones that are interested in that just because i identify as a straight female and i'm curious about women and i enjoy women and i but i predominantly want to be with a man why can't a man have the same desire you know it's kind of those i think it's those social constructs and definitions that keep it being more less acceptable for a man but more acceptable for a woman and actually for a long time it was very underground in the lifestyle and most men who were bisexual or bi-curious would not put it in their profiles because it was a red flag for most of the other couples who are on the site.
But honestly, like I said, in the last couple of years, we've noticed a very large percentage of men who are being open with that. I don't know that I'm, maybe that was a bad way of phrasing it. I don't know that there's a large percentage of bisexual males, but there are more bisexual males that seem to be out about that. And we have a number of friends who have come out recently in terms of their bisexuality, which is fascinating and very interesting. And I applaud them for their openness.
It it's great in the lifestyle you will also find or see terms that say bi-curious from the waist up or bi-curious from xyz and so as people women men are trying to define where they're at as they embark on this journey they start to try and label themselves in a way that's comfortable for them so i've seen buy from the waist up which is you know kissing and breast play who doesn't like boobs right i love boobs always love boobs but and and this is something that i actually struggled with because while i appreciate women and i think they're very sexy and i don't mind at all complimenting or pointing out a sexy woman while we're walking through the wall hey honey look at her oh my god she's she's really got it together look at her and and you will be like you know i i love that i i'm not threatened by other women and but i found myself in this struggle of being a straight woman, but not identifying as bi.
So I thought, well, I could, I can label myself as bi-curious and be comfortable with that for now. Right. Because I found that I was, it was too overwhelming to get to this place. my life where I'm like, oh, my God, now I have to redefine my entire sexuality. Am I really bi? Am I not bi? I don't know. Oh, my God. Have I secretly been bi? I don't know. What's happening? Right.
And you're, in a sense, committing to this this definition of yourself and then there's an you had this mental expectation of what that really meant right and what other people thought it meant right and you don't want to get stuck in a situation where like well you said you were bi well i don't even know what that means really like right well, and the thing I think that finally helped you to kind of get past that was just because you label yourself as being bi doesn't mean that you love or are interested in having sex with all women. Exactly.
Just because you like some women doesn't mean you like all women. Just because I'm straight doesn't mean I like all guys exactly and that's the mental hurdle that you finally were like oh duh this makes so much more sense if I think about it in like heterosexual terms right like reframe the the question in in a in a way that makes more sense to what you're used to talking about. Right. Yeah. You don't have to be 100% committed. Right. It's up to your personal preference. Exactly. I don't love all women. I'm not interested in having sex with all women.
Okay, a lot of women, but not all of them do have my preferences one direction or another. Right. But there you go. I know. It was funny that I, I don't know why. It was a growing process. It was a growing process and, you know, mentally reframing and trying to think through all that. And so now just say sure yeah i'm bi i can appreciate women when i want and i've oh and you have i have and it actually it's been really fun yeah now that you've kind of it's exciting i'm like oh it's like you know you're exploring your sexuality and you're expanding your experiences. And you're like, oh, my God.
That's what she tastes like. That's what she feels like. That's what it feels like. Oh, my God. So, listeners, what you're hearing is Phoebe's now in her experimental years. She missed it in college. I did. Now she's reliving her experimental years. I know.
Now that we've fully embraced the terminology so you too can fully embrace terminology and potentially explore your sexuality all right so the next one one of my personal favorites in terms of terminology is play so one of the sponsors of the bliss cruise theotic Adult Travel, we're going to steal from them, we're going to borrow from them, but we're going to credit them. And that's Doug and Barb from Erotic Adult Travel. They defined this very well as sexual activity and or physical interaction of a sexual nature with someone other than your partner.
see i like to just think of it as it's play it's fun you think about having a play date with another couple it's this fun playful exciting thing and and that's what it's supposed to be about you and your partner having fun and usually for us it is it's exciting it's joyful we're laughing we're giggling great conversation we're having good conversations we're cracking the other couple up because it's so much fun it's fun and it's sexy and it's hot and it's joyful and it's I just, it's play. We because it's so much fun.
It's fun and it's sexy and it's hot and it's joyful and it's, I just, it's play. We truly believe that sex is fun. Yes. So much fun. Isn't there a podcast, Sex is Fun? There is. And that's what started us down this path. Oh, it did. Sex is Fun podcast. That's right. We appreciate them. Yeah. You started all of it. Started it all. All right. Let's get into some more specific terms. Soft swap versus full swap. Soft swap is anything short of penetration with a penis. Kissing, touching, oral, finger banging. Yeah.
And oftentimes you will see a reference to penile penetration as penis and vagina or PIV and that crosses us over into full or hard swap and we've seen it referred both ways and that's everything's on the table now that doesn't mean that couples don't have rules but you're basically saying intercourse with other people. So full consensual sex with a partner who is not your committed partner. Now I mentioned that there's rules. There are some couples that actually leave certain things out. One of the things most commonly is anal sex only for partner.
Another one that we've heard occasionally is a no kissing rule. There are a number of couples, not that often, but we on the cruise actually heard a couple that was a no kissing couple. And of course we... Okay. Confession time. We love kissing. Yes. For us, it's the big foreplay before you even do anything. As a matter of fact... Starts everything. We often refer to it as the audition. Yes. Because, honestly, if...
And this may just be be us but a couple that can't kiss we're not convinced they're going to be very fun in bed either or or and when i say can't kiss meaning maybe you're not very good at following the other person's lead so if a man is kissing me and he bites my upper lip on the upper left hand corner i'm like oh he likes to bite and nibble i'm like okay i'm gonna reciprocate that back and so then i nibble on his upper lip or lower lip and so we kind of have this dance and it becomes a dance of lip passion and it's very playful and it also indicates to me that he can follow direction he can lead and he can also follow right and that's really important to me as a woman because as i'm giving him non-verbal and verbal instructions during play, if he can't listen to those instructions, that's not going to be a good experience and I'm going to leave.
Exactly. And we'll find that there will be partners who will be overly aggressive, prematurely overly aggressive with their kissing, maybe a little too toothy with it. Or they've got some hair pulling and it's hurting your neck and you're like whoa okay right and so for us it's a it's kind of a precursor to what the experience might be when we go past kissing exactly so we really we besides the fact that we really enjoy kissing other people as well as each other we we also feel that it's a bit of an audition to see how well they're going to perform and respond to this dance, if you will.
All right. Some couples, and to just kind of cover up the whole rules thing, the no kissing, the no anal thing, these are things that couples often feel are too intimate to share with someone beyond their primary partner. While we respect that and we understand that, it makes sense kind of like on an intellectual level, we're a little bit conflicted about it in many respects. And we've heard this from other people as well. And that is, okay, you can go down on her, but you can't kiss her. One of those seems a lot more intimate than the other, but we understand that.
I do understand that because for a brief period of time, I did not like, I had the rule we didn't implement it but I had it in my mind that that was too intimate yeah for me well because it is very I don't know it's it's intimate and I passionate it's passionate and I didn't understand that you could be passionate with somebody, but not, and still be separate. Right, right. Because I didn't have those experiences. I didn't understand how that worked, and in my head, it didn't compute. So now I get it, and now I love the kissing.
Yeah, and obviously I can be a little enthusiastic with that, and we've had some experiences in the past where I've been a little overly enthusiastic, and you felt a little threatened by that, and we've worked through some of that stuff. But it can be hard to watch your partner being really passionate with someone else. Exactly. So there you go. It's a thing. All right. DTF. Down to fuck. You will see this on profiles. It's quite simply a couple that is down to fuck. They skip the conversation. They don't talk about the weather. They don't talk about the kids.
They just get together and they have a good time. Straight to business. Yep. We've seen that from a number of couples. You know, it's like, hey, look. We don't like conversation. You're here for the same reason that we're here. Let's go. Let's just do this. Let's get it on. All right. Here's why we sail on Virgin. It's adults only. No kids screaming at breakfast. No family buffet lines. Just champagne at noon. Late night pool parties and people who actually want to be there. The vibe? Think boutique hotel that happens to float.
Tattoo parlors, drag brunch, restaurants you'd actually pay for on land. Plus, when you're looking to connect with other couples who know how to have fun, let's just say Virgin attracts a very specific type of adventurist. No wonder Breadcruiser's here, just your people. Separate play. Do you want to talk about separate play? Sure. Some people, some couples, feel that this offers each partner the ability to focus on their new playmate without distractions. Common term that we've also thrown about is swingers ADD. I have a little bit of this, too. We're in a playroom.
There's a dozen couples around us. Everybody's having sex.
There's just hot shit going on all around us oh yeah it's really distracting you're like what's going on over there what's going on oh my god do you see what she's doing what is that oh my god who's touching me what's going on over here i know oh do you hear that oh yeah she's getting it she's getting it good and it's freaking distracting sometimes in group settings with a lot of people playing but i think i honestly i think we've gotten good at this multitasking we've gotten better we've gotten much better about it it is definitely sensory overload in the beginning but you do get better at simulating all these the smells and the sounds and the right everything so to combat that to counteract that a lot of, you've got your primary partner on a bed next to you.
You've got this new partner underneath you or on top of you, whatever you prefer. I'll take either one. It's distracting sometimes to see your primary partner enjoying themselves maybe too much, maybe not enough. Worrying about if they're okay. Exactly. There's this mental tug of war going on while you're engaged in this amazing experience with someone different. And honestly, it's not fair to anyone at that point.
So some couples feel that this loss of connection with the person that you're engaged with at the moment I don't want them to do right but at the same time you can kind of turn away a little bit and you can hear them in the background but they're not the focus right so that same room but separate right all right different room would be each partner is in a different room. You don't see them. Sometimes the room, the doors are open so you can hear one another. Right. I know some couples that do that. Some couples even close the door. Or completely separate parts of the house. Yes.
Or a different, well, different house. But that's kind of like hall pass, which we'll get into. Right. So then the next version of this separate play is dating separately. So this really is an open marriage or an open relationship. Not only are the partners in different rooms, it may not even be at the same time. Sometimes it's referred to, like I said, as an open marriage or an open relationship., we've met a number of couples who do that. They are so comfortable in their relationship and so trusting and confident that their relationship's not at any risk at all.
And, you know, one of the ways that this happens, which we'll talk about next is the hall hall pass business trips, as an example, where partners are in different cities. Yep. And they're like, look, I know how horny you are all the time, and I'm horny too, so let's just take care of it. Right. But we're not in the same place.
Right right or when partners at a commission maybe they've had surgery or maybe that's just not feeling it or yeah we've heard that too we're we're you know one of the partners they're coming down from some cold or some illness or or they're just like you know what i'm out of commission i am fucking over this tonight i'm going back to bed right you can do whatever you want so there's variability there's a spectrum of what is commonly referred to as and this is the next term hall pass right and that's permission given by one partner to play with another couple or single by himself or herself.
And that's, you know, anytime, anyplace. And that's, hey, baby, you got a hall pass tonight. I'm tired. Long flight. I can't do it anymore. Stayed up way too late last night. We've heard this from a number of couples and it's, it's this flexible openness that they have with their relationship and they're like you know what honey i i trust you i i know you're going to tell me about it later have fun exactly our next term is exhibitionism people that love being watched while performing any type of sexual activity. Confession time again. We're both exhibitionists.
We love being in a large group playroom and putting on a nice show for everybody.
It's great to be able to look around the room and see all of those eyes looking at you going, oh my god, look at that they're so hot it's it's a big ego boost but it's also it just kind of it's this like feedback loop it's like sticking a big basket of flowers in front of a bunch of bees and having them like come to your bed and you're like and they just stand well i'm exaggerating but couples will come by and they'll stand there and they'll be like hi and they'll give you the wink wink and the eye eye and uh you can give them the little finger and you're like come on over just like pat here's a little room on the bed come on over no no no there's plenty room we'll make room for you so fun so fun so yeah exhibitionism often leads uh what we've found to some great times and one of the other ways that this has really benefited us and in our experiences in the lifestyle have been parties they haven't kicked off yet people are still dancing people are being a little slow about it maybe they're a little shy or nervous oh yeah we're the party starters we will simply jump on a bed strip off our clothes and start going at it and the next thing you know we're surrounded by a bunch of people also having sex if not a bunch of people wanting to have sex on the same bed as us.
Right. Or better yet, wanting to have sex with us. It's all good. It's all good. And that, you know, if you can get to that point where you want to be a voyeur, I know our exhibitionist, I know a lot of people in the lifestyle don't want to do that. They don't want to play in the playroom and they don't want to have sex in front of other people. But we have found so much success in that because when we go to these parties and we haven't connected with a couple, nothing's happening, no one's playing. We're like, you know what? You know what? We have each other. And you know what?
It's still going to be an awesome time. And we are going to have sex in somebody else's bed in somebody else's house. And it's going to be fucking hot. Kids can't hear us. And we can scream and yell. And we'll make some noise. And we'll make some noise. And then all of a sudden, cherry on the top. Someone else comes in.
And you're like, oh, that was a couple we were we were eyeing but they were a little shy but now they're in here and they're next to us oh maybe it's gonna be soft swap maybe it's gonna be full swap don't know and it just kind of unfolds in front of you and you started that exactly yeah we've had really really good luck good luck. And just generally really amazing experiences, especially really early on in our lifestyle journey with basically just starting as exhibitionists, basically having sex with each other, but in an open area. And it started some very memorable evenings for both of us.
So fun. So if you're on the opposite side, you would be referred to as a voyeurist or voyeurism. And that's someone who loves watching people have sex or performing any type of sexual activity. We see lots of voyeurs at hotel takeovers and parties in general because everybody likes to watch somebody else having sex sometimes they have chairs set up as an audience absolutely which is sexy and hot you're putting on a show exactly so the voyeurs get to watch and the exhibitionists get to show. And it's great.
Now, the voyeurism, of course, can lead to other things because you get excited enough where you want to join and participate. But voyeurism is a very safe approach to being able to watch. And for a couple who's maybe a little shy and they want to be in that sexy environment and maybe enjoy each other's company, but maybe they're not quite ready to jump onto the bed. Right. Or it kind of, I think for a lot of people, it eases them into that sensory overload because there's just, I mean, for crying out loud, if you've never seen live porn or sex in public before, your mind is blown.
Your mind is blown. You're like, what the heck am I just watching right now? It's amazing. It's fantastic. All right. Now we're going to get into some of the more kinky sides. Yes. And these are things that we thought we would mention, but they're not necessarily everybody's cup of tea. Some people more or less. All right. First one, bondage. The sexual practice of tying up or restraining a partner. This can be anything from your standard rope or a pillowcase. There's some great techniques for using pillowcases as a bondage mechanism. So anybody can do this.
And it can involve different types of stimulation to the body or not. I mean, sometimes bondage is just, you know, hey, well, let's combine a couple terms here. So you're going to bind your partner to a chair or a bed and then watch your partner enjoy themselves with someone else on the bed. So you're strapped to a chair and they're having fun. So there's your cuckold. There's your bondage. There's your sub, your dom. It starts to get there very quickly. And you start mashing these terms up. It's kind of like Scrabble.
or or or you want to tie up your husband to a chair while you like give him a lap dance because you know he can't keep his hands to himself and you want and you i know you can't i have to tie you up if i were to do that because no no i can't i can't you can't keep your hands no and and i want to tease you. I want to torture you with my sexuality and my lap dance and the fact that you can't touch me. Put it on me, baby. So I have to tie you up. It has happened. It's a thing. The unfortunate thing is I'm really good at getting out of knots.
I know, and I suck so see there you go it's it's a delay it's more of a speed bump than anything else all right domination allowing another person to exert control over you this can vary from verbal communication to restraints or restrictions on your daily activities right and this is All right.
exert control over you this can vary from verbal communication to restraints or restrictions on your daily activities right and this is holy crap this is like a big topic yeah you could do a whole actually you could do an entire podcast on the topic of domination and kink and we're not going to get into that but the the concept is out there for you to research on your own if you are Dom-inspired. Yes. Another terminology that's thrown around when you start getting into the kink world is sadomasochism, or just being a sadist.
And that is giving or receiving of pleasure from acts involving the receipt of infliction of pain or humiliation, paddling, even some forms of domination can actually be kind of a verbal abuse, if you will. But there's an undercurrent to all of this of respect and a knowledge of trust between I'll see you next time. There's an undercurrent to all of this of respect and, and a, a knowledge of trust between partners. Yes. If you're interested in this, there are lots of places to go and do more research on it, more detail on it.
And we won't get into it because it's, it's not particularly our thing, but we do, we have run across a number of people who are, um are um and to to quote this person that we can refer to as she's a pain slut she enjoys being hurt um not particularly our cup of tea um we have some friends who are very much into it but we're not um phoebeises very easily, and she doesn't heal very quickly. And her being into sadomasochism wouldn't be a particularly good lifestyle for her because she would just be purple most of the time. I know. I know. She'd never heal.
It would be very sad but the nipple rings the little suction cuppy things with the little o-rings around the nipples that was kind of fun yeah well that's just stimulation though that's not necessarily pain slight amount of pain you're you're like pain to me you're really into a little bit of nipple biting yes and some soft spanking. Yes. And maybe some pinching and some nipple twisting. Yes, but nothing, you know. Nothing overt. Exactly. Yeah, very subtle, very sensual kinds of pain. All right. We've got one last term to talk about.
And this is actually a really good term to end on because this is something that will come up if you venture into the full swap arena of swinging. And that has to do with barebacking or basically having sex without a condom. Having sex with condoms is highly recommended for two reasons. One, you don't necessarily know who this person is that you're having sex with. You just met them. It's a casual thing. It's a one-night stand.
Even if you've known them for a while, you don't know who their other partners are are and so we'll go back into sex ed 101 on this one and that is putting your penis into somebody else's body you're going to exchange fluids those fluids can contain infections communicable infections and it can be something as simple as bv bacterial vagosis, or it can be something as bad of venereal disease, AIDS, gonorrhea. These things still are around. And I think there's less of a feel that it's a pandemic, but it's still a thing.
And as a responsible adult, you need to think about the risks that you're involving yourself in when you have sex with people good old condoms they're provided at most of the parties and we recommend that couples partake in that way or bring your own in closing we hope you find these definitions will help guide you in deciphering profiles, interpreting salacious offers, and generally understanding what it all means. And I hope that this podcast was very informative for you.
I know it was, hopefully it wasn't too technical and too boring, but we really strive to give you an education with our podcasts, and we promise to interject some sexy podcasts in between. We have a cruise podcast review coming up soon, so that should be pretty sexy. That's right. So please keep tuning in and listening. Thank you for joining us for this episode and listening to Ed and Phoebe at Swinger University. Please send us comments or if you would like to share a personal story, we would love to hear from you. You can contact us via email at swingeruniversity at gmail.com.
Oh, one last thing before you go. If this this episode helped you in any way the single best thing you can do to support the show is leaving a rating and review it takes 60 seconds and helps new people find us when they're searching for relationship education and we've made it easy visit swingeruniversity.com forward slash review. All the instructions are there. Thank you for being part of this community. We'll see you again soon.
