Want to send us a message? Being manscaped for swinging is the least we can do for our potential play partners. Make a good first impression by looking sharp, smelling nice, and not choking her with your hairy balls... Ed walks through his routine and throws in a few tips for getting that close enough to have fun shave as well as some great products he recommends for your routine. SHOW NOTES: Why Manscape?Ed s Routine and tipsTrim, pluck, and shaveShaving the balls - Risks!Fournier s gangrenePut a bow on it Manscaping Products:Norelco MultigroomFoot FilePedeggDermasuri MittMan Made Wash Support the showWant More?👀 Watch on YouTube: YouTube ShowFull video versions and interactive live episodes!Bonus episodes, exclusive content, and 🌶️Extras: https://www.patreon.com/SwingerUniversity 🛳️🎉Looking for lifestyle events in your area? T4P is the go-to directory for clubs, parties, and resort events. Browse now at Ticket4Play.com Custom SU T-shirts and gear: Our Amazon StoreSwingerLinks.com - live schedule, special offers*, and our 🌶️links!Our Website - Leave us a message, articles, and sexy products3 Ways to get your question on our show:RECORD it on our website at: https://swingeruniversity.com/contact/EMAIL a recorded voice note to: [email protected]: (916) 538-0482 and leave a voicemail.* We get a commission if you decide to purchase through our links, at no cost to you.
Transcript
We have to talk about something we've been genuinely excited about for months, and our patrons actually got a preview of this already. Jamaica! Yes, we are going back, and actually, we have a great offer for you guys. Yeah, it's Swingcation. It's October 11th through the 18th at Hedonism 2. And if you don't know what Swingcation is, it's pretty easy. Swinger plus kink plus vacation. It's a hosted group with real structure, workshops, lectures, real conversations with experts who are passionate about bringing and bridging that gap between the swinger world and the kink world.
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And use our code at checkout. And you guys, if you have any questions about the event, the resort, or what to expect, just reach out. I mean, we're here for you. We're happy to help. So once again, ticketforplay.com forward slash Swinky, the code SwingerU-VIP. We really want to see you there. If you have a mouth that can accommodate an entire cock or a throat that can accommodate an entire cock. Oh God, please send us a message because. It's nice to not have your nose completely buried in five inches of fur. Welcome to Swinger University, your horizontal enrichment program.
Lessons that make you hot for teacher all over again. Here are your hosts, Ed and Phoebe. Hi, this is Ed. And this is Phoebe. Today we're talking about manscaping.
There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum it's breathtaking i suggest you try it in addition to shaving my balls i have a regimen where i adhere to before all our playdates but before we get into the episode we're going to thank one of our newest patreon members i can't wait you thank you very much for your sponsorship and uh the the entertaining screen name i know i love it i like to say it i can't wait you i can't wait you oh my god't wait you. Oh, my God. It's perfect. So manscaping. Why? Why manscape? Yes. Why go through that? Well, first off, gentlemen, ladies appreciate it.
It's nice to look at. And more importantly, there are some safety risks here because if your balls are really hairy, there's a good chance she might choke on all of the hair. Oh, my gosh. So trimming or reducing the coverage down there goes a long way to making oral sex on you more pleasant. So you might actually get more blowjobs. That's true. I do love to suck balls. It makes you a little nervous, so I always go slow. Gentle, gentle honey. I love the feeling in my mouth.
It's fun to just pop one in and roll it around and lick and suck i'd do it more if you weren't so nervous about it but you get so nervous i'm very very gentle but you i could tell you clearly i just need more practice i'm just gonna do it more yeah that's it screw you i'm just gonna do it and there's another really key aspect of this that i want to bring up and and one of the steps in my routine is trimming my my fingernails oh yeah and this is actually really really important if you like fingering women yeah any kind of finger play honestly i mean you don't want scratchy nails you know a little bit of nail for for the the texture to to like give some sensation and some tingly kind of right but if you're like full-on finger banging action like you're just blasting or with your fingers, as they like to say.
Or doing your squirt technique. Right. Having trim nails can actually make the difference between ending a play session, like, abruptly and violently, or being able to go all night. Yes. I am speaking from experience. Me too. This shit has gone sideways before. Yes. We'll get into that. Oh, we're going to get into that? Okay, good. I will discuss that a little bit more, so to speak, or at least the trimmage. The other aspect of manscaping is it makes your cock look good. Oh, bigger?
It actually can visually add to the length of your penis so gentlemen if you want to add a little bit of length to your penis having having your basically your pubic hair trimmed back you can see more of the cock it's not hiding in the shrubs right you're You're not losing the base of it in the shrubbery. Right. It's all exposed. So. You can see more of the cock. It's not hiding in the shrubs, right? You're not losing the base of it in the shrubbery. Right. It's all exposed. So all of those like get a bigger cock because you take the horny goat weed or whatever, that doesn't work.
But trimming your pubic hair will actually visually make it look bigger. Yes. And if you are able, if you have a mouth that can accommodate an entire cock or a throat that can accommodate an entire cock. Oh, God. Please send us a message because. It's nice to not have your nose completely buried in five inches of fur.
Just, you know, maybe a quarter inch or half inch or half inch you'll go into just what length is is nice but whatever you do i like it because i can still breathe when i'm down there right actually if i can get down there but i usually can't yeah less tickling of the nose if you will yes just like a haircut and not looking like a slob it looks like you took the time to prepare for the date ah yes you you made the effort if you will i like that and here's the other thing trimming your hair up it actually draws attention down to that because you can see more of what's going on down there.
So it's less hidden and her eyes will get drawn down to your penis, which, of course, is like a fishing tackle. You're just dangling it out there, luring, luring the fish in. I see. I see. Come get some. And here's the other thing. All of the grooming and the effort that you put up front helps with first impressions. So if you look sloppy, you're not helping yourself.
So you better have a really good personality if you're not well-groomed because you're starting off on a bad foot yeah but if you're well-groomed you know you might be able to make a couple social full pause and she'll be like yeah you know he said some weird stuff but you know what he looked and smelled really good uh-huh oh yeah that's true Thank you. So, he said some weird stuff, but you know what? He looked and smelled really good. Uh-huh. Oh, yeah. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. That's true. Let's go into my routine. This is what I do.
Most of these steps, almost all of them on a pretty regular basis when I go out on playdates. First and foremost, start with the face, right?
They're going to look in your your eyes they're going to look at your face shave your face now i've tried electric razors a whole bunch of different ones the foil ones the rotary ones don't like the rotary foil was better for me so like your brawn shaver that has a foil shaver really close shave works really well but you know what there's nothing quite like a regular safety razor and shaving cream you just it's quick it's easy you don't have to like clean it or maintain it it's cheap in comparison to an electric razor and kind of that up front cost right and you get a really good shave from them now i will say i don't go for the whole 5 12 150 blade razors that they're trying to sell us on right i love a three-bladed razor I've tried safety razors with, like, the old-school straight razor kind of thing.
Oh. Yeah. I love a three-bladed razor. I've tried safety razors with, like, the old-school straight razor kind of thing. Not like barbershop quartet kind of straight-bladed razor. I have thought about that. I know you have. I haven't tried it yet. But just, you know, your good old-fashioned mid-'90s three-bladed razor before they got fancy and decided to, like, upcharge everybody. Yeah. And so why is that? Well, one, the blades are a little bit further apart, which means it doesn't clog as much. Oh. So as you're shaving, it's much easier to rinse it out.
Those five blades, they pack those suckers in there, and it is almost impossible to keep it clean, which makes the shave rougher and will dull the blades faster because you're actually re-chopping the hair if it's stuck in there. Oh, ew. It's kind of gross. Interesting. So a three-blade razor will not only be cheaper, but it'll also be easier to clean out. That's my thing. Number one rule, never use disposable razors. No. I've also had that experience on my legs and on my hoo-ha, and it is not recommended. I mean, don't shave if you only have a disposable razor.
Literally go for the 5 o'clock shadow because the sliced carotid artery is not nearly as, yeah, it's bad. Don't do it. First rule of shaving. I don't know. Don't do it. First rule of shaving. There's some really good YouTube videos on how to get a really good shave with the heated wrap and all that kind of stuff. For me, the big trick is using shaving cream of some sort.
And I use the standard foamy stuff like i don't even use the nice gel i bought you some fancy stuff and you're like me well it was too it was very moisturizing and it was too thick and it clogged the blades oh i wonder if it'll work with the blades now okay can we talk about October for a second oh my god yeah I've been waiting for this we were invited to be guest speakers for two engagements on a six-star crystal cruise ship with 310 lifestyle couples and it sails from Montreal to Boston during the during the peak foliage season i'm super excited and honestly i'm really nervous yeah it's kind of a version of like a swinger ted talk that we're gonna have to do oh my god i know and more importantly if you know the brand it's llv luxury lifestyle Vacations.
You may have seen them and their sexy playmakers with their fun red hats. This ship, the Crystal Symphony, is classy. Butler service for every single room, Michelin rated restaurants, full spa, clothing optional, sensual playrooms, like everything, theme nights and international DJ. So it's luxury and nudity? Oh man, this is going to be great. The bottom line is we want you there with us. It's 310 couples and like all their vacations, they book up fast. They really do. Their vacations are extremely popular. So please come with us.
And in order to find it, all you have to do is go to our swingerlinks.com and look for the LLV Sensual Voyage. We hope you'll join us. Probably not because I always use a three blade. Oh, hmm. So that really nice shaving cream that you got me was super good for my skin. Not so much fun for shaving. Like I could not get it to rinse out properly because it had so many like lubricants and oils in it.
Right it just didn't break down in the water so good soapy like uh the gillette brand the you know whatever the cheapest stuff i can't i can't remember what the the brand name is but barbasol you know the shaker can kind of shaving cream nice and foamy nice and foamy last forever you don't need a whole bunch It's just enough to get a good, you know, the shaker can kind of shaving cream. Nice and foamy. Nice and foamy. Last forever. You don't need a whole bunch. Just enough to get a good, you know, quarter-inch layer on your face. Good to go. And rinse the blade often.
So one stroke across the face. Rinse it out. And that way you don't have to bang the razor out and knock the hair out i remember when we first started swinging you went through a whole bunch of research about shaving your face because you were going to be giving a lot of oral and so you really wanted to make sure you had the cleanest shave and you didn't want to ruin that opportunity which is really important because sometimes your opportunity window is really small. Right. And you have to be prepared. Well, and like I said, first impressions, right?
If you go down on her and she was like, yeah, it was actually pretty good oral, except for the fact that he abraded my clit right off of my body. And I don't ever want him going down there again. Exactly. So nice, cleanly shaven face is good. Or if you're patient enough, letting it grow out long enough so that it's a little softer. Yes. You can do it. But you're going to have to experiment with your significant other to get the length right. Right, which we've done. Which we have done.
And there are pros and cons to having a clean shaven face versus, you know, that nice kind of organic mountain man look. Well, yes, and I had sex with a mountain man, and he had a very nice beard and goatee full full facial hair and it was so soft and i asked him what he used and it was this basically a beard oil or conditioner that softened the hair it was fabulous and if you've got the patience for it, you can definitely go to it. Right. Even the mountain men, I'm going to suggest that you trim around the lips because kissing a mouthful of fur is still not great. True.
So, you know, you got to keep the hairs off the lips, which kind of brings me to the next tool, which I'm going to talk about with trimming the eyebrows. Because we went from the jawline, we're going to go up above your eyes now. Oh, my. Eyebrows. Okay. Eyebrows. Yeah. I trim my eyebrows. As I've gotten older, I get some stray, crazy hairs that get super crazy long. I do too, honestly.
It's's annoying they're freaky and weird they are they're like really thick and they don't bend no and they they and i'm like what the hell is that right so i've had a couple different electric trimmers for for you know basically touching up hair on my face, you know, trimming my chest hair, things like that. And they have an attachment with this particular model. And I'll have a link in it, link in the show notes for this one. It's the Norelco Multigroom. And there's a particular model. Multipass.
I did a lot of research on electric trimmers you did i have a standard wall trimmer that i use for trimming my hair wahl w h w a h l great trimmer uh great for haircuts for body trimming i actually went with the the norelco multi-groom there were others. There's some really popular ones. I won't mention their name. I looked at them. It may actually have manscaping in the name. But anyway, and kind of mixed reviews on it. They were fairly expensive. They had a nice gold-plated blade. People were super, you know, jazzed. They put a lot of money into advertising. I'll put it that way.
And I'm an Amazon guy, and I look at the reviews, and I want to see like 70 or more five-star ratings before I buy a product. And this particular one hit that mark.
it's got a bunch of different attachments brushes for the blades so you can get different lengths and for different parts of your body so they've got a specific trimmer attachment for your eyebrows you could trim your hair with it if you really needed to they have a wide blade like head hair or body hair yeah head hair okay they have combs for body hair and they're all marked now the markings aren't great and i i had to you know use a little bit of a like white paint into the oh yeah yeah molded in lettering so that i could actually see it eyes aren't great so we're talking chest hair back hair chest hair all that.
Chest hair, back hair. Leg hair, if you want to. Eyebrow hair. Whatever. Even pubic hair, like trimming around. I would not recommend it for trimming your balls, and I'll get into that. Okay. But any hair that's kind of reasonable length, even trimming up your beard.
They've got some good lengths for trimming that nose hair and ear hair also oh my so that's the norelco multi-croom which i recommend um the other thing that i do with my eyebrows and this may be shocking that's okay i i do pluck what yeah so i know you do i'm not shaping my eyebrows i'm not trying to make it a dramatic you know outline but i don't want the random hairs like in the middle where the bridge my nose like a little unicorn horn yeah i'm not doing that good thank you and anything that's kind of like below the main eyebrow, like down into your eyelids area or above into your forehead, I pluck those fuckers out.
I don't go for that. Like, why is this hair in the middle of my forehead? Oh, that's a straight eyebrow. It's the equivalent of having like a little patch of grass growing in the middle of your driveway. Oh my God. Like you mow the lawn and you're like, what is that doing over there? Yeah. Don't want it. Pluck it out. Thank you. Get a nice set of tweezers. They're not that expensive. Get a nice set of tweezers. They work really well to pluck out. All right. Borrow your wife's tweezers.
Well, get your own because your wife's gonna hide them in different places that's true he organizes her little cupboard thing and then you can't yeah and we're particular and picky about our our grooming tools okay 100 gentlemen get your own because if you forget to return it you'll also get in trouble yes okay so trim the eyebrows pluck the eyebrows let's move on to the ears when yeah ears when do we get down below fuzzy little ears okay i will get to the cock just wait oh my gosh just wait such a tease i will eventually whip you. Oh, please.
The other thing that you'll want to trim is your nose hairs. There's nothing like going in for that nice romantic kid and having some strays, just going. Don't do it. And that Norelco trimmer has a nose trimmer, too.
And so hasn't pinched or done anything weird painful um that's cool you can pluck it is extraordinarily painful to pluck nose hairs if you eye watering we've all done it the other trimming that i'll do too is right around the hairline so you go in for your haircut periodically and a lot of places especially barbershops you can go in and get you know your neckline trimmed up but you got to drive to the barbershop so with a trimmer like the norelco trimmer you can actually trim around your ear so your hair starts to get a little long and it kind of hangs over your ears a little bit just trim that up just go right around the ear and in between haircuts in between haircuts nice okay here we go trimming your fingernails and your toenails there's nothing like looking at the crazy weird oh my god please the toenails bizarre toenails and the fingernails and the fingernails yes like no woman is going to want you stick those things anywhere near her.
No. And if she looks down at your feet and she goes, oh, holy crap, what is that? Yeah. Not a good first impression. You're like, you're all bow, chicka, wow, wow. You strip your clothes off and then your shoes come off. But usually I just stick the cock in my face and just get busy and close my eyes and forget that I even. Pretend like they're not there.
Yes don't look down don't look down not a good not a good look gentlemen the other part about trimming your nails is get yourself a nice nail file and what you can do is you can actually feel how sharp your nails are by just kind of, you know, scratching your skin or even scratching your nail across like your thumb skin. You can feel how sharp it is. When you first trim your nails, they're sharp. Like there's a squared edge to them. Yep.
So if you use a fingernailil file you can actually soften that edge up a little bit and ladies will appreciate that they also have a what what we have is a sponge it's a it's a square rectangular sponge with with you know filing stuff it's exactly like the sponges that you use for woodworking but for nails yeah it's an abrasive sponge and we do that and we just you know curb off that edge yeah and it's it's really nice file works really good um glass file i love the glass files if you don't have one a good glass file some of them are Some of them are kind of cheap and they're weird and they get useless after a little while.
But if you can find a good one, they're really nice. They last forever. Here's why we sail on Virgin. It's adults only. No kids screaming at breakfast. No family buffet lines. Just champagne at noon. Late night pool parties and people who actually want to be there. The vibe? Think boutique hotel that happens to float. Tattoo parlors, drag brunch, restaurants you'd actually pay for on land. Plus, when you're looking to connect with other couples who know how to have fun, let's just say Virgin attracts a very specific type of adventurous. No wonder Bread Cruiser's here, just your people.
i bought my own just like i have my own tweezers, so I don't have to beg to borrow Phoebe's. I have my own damn file. Yes. The technique that I've used too for my nails is to not go crossways, but to go up and down. Yes. And you kind of round the edge instead of filing it straight across. It's like getting the burr off.
You're going to go up and down yes and you kind of round the edge instead of filing it straight across getting the perpendicular you're gonna go vertical it's like the burr on a knife when you're sharpening knives kind of yeah sort of uh we'll go with that okay good and like i said once again i can't i can't be clear enough with this filing your nails getting them nice and smooth yeah is a safety precaution for the ladies are we gonna get to the part that that how i damaged you for a play night yes okay so we were getting a little frisky before a play date a little it was actually a hotel takeover getting very frisky and i was fingering phoebe and somehow i pulled out a little too far and when i pushed back in i know what it was i think your hips i did a little i shifted my hips i moved my hips yeah because i was getting excited it was a mid-air collision yeah it was bad and i ended up basically scratching her inner labia yeah right below her clit yeah there was blood Not a lot but there was blood and it was stingy and yeah and you could yeah it was red you could see the scratch it was that was bad so we we almost almost missed out on that event because of bad nail grooming yes so don't do it't do it you got to be prepared for the game yeah you got to train for this stuff yes i will also say when your nails are a little sharp you know because you know we're not you're not grooming your nails every single day and we're we're having sex you know spontaneously and so sometimes when you're fingering me that, I think it's the ring finger.
Oh, the pinky finger. I know which one you're talking about. The anchor finger. Kind of scratches on the inside of the thigh. Or down, yeah, inside of the thigh or by the little. The creasy part. Between the vagina and the leg. And the leg and the butt. Yeah. Gentlemen gentlemen you know what i'm talking about it's that bowling the bowling ball yes finger position that pinky finger that pinky nail yes sometimes scratch it gets sharp and it's very distracting and it will throw me off it will it. It's bad. Don't do it. Yes. So trimming regularly helps a lot.
But specifically, if you're going to go on a play date, you damn well better trim your shit. Yes. I also sand my feet. So this is all before I've gotten in the shower. So I'm doing all the trimming and shaving and plucking and all that kind of stuff. Sanding my feet so they're nice and soft. So if I'm rubbing on a nice lady and I'm cuddling with her, my scratchy oak-calloused feet don't scratch her. Right. I do the same thing. But, yes, I appreciate that. Thank you. All right. We're trimmed. We're plucked. We're sanded. Did we get down below yet? Buffed. We are getting there.
We're really close. This is all the foreplay before we get to the testicles. Oh, my God. Flip the shower on. Get the water going. Oh, my Lord. Now. What? And this part I'm going to gloss over because this is a pretty standard operating procedure for taking a shower. I'm assuming that everybody who's listening takes showers. So the slight extra with this is exfoliating. So you're getting hot. You're getting sweaty. She's scratching on you. You don't want dead skin coming off under her nails. That's really gross. So gross. Yeah. Oh, my God. So much of this is. You did what? Like, flick, flick.
What the fuck is under my nails right a hair although it's never yeah i won't go there sorry so not sexy we have a one of those like nylon scrubbies it's not yeah but it's kind of a scrubby those work pretty good it's okay but the the grade a number one uh-huh awesome exfoliator you'll go through them quickly though because they the seams hair if you've got a better one let us know but the one that we've been using is one called derma suri and there's a link to it it's really cool like it's got a nice like it's shark skinny kind of texture to it like yeah it's toothy but it doesn't hurt it's not scratchy but it does it will like oh hell yeah exfoliate and so the trick with this i got this and i turned ed on to it the trick with it is that you want moist skin you just don't want your skin really wet so what i do is i get in in the shower i get my skin moist and then i'll stand outside of the shower do other things while my skin the spray of the shower correct right or if i look down and i see a lot of water droplets on my arm or something i'm gonna exfoliate there i just like brush off my arm right get the excess right and then i go over my skin with that mitt oh my god it's really disgusting you can see the skin literally rolling up off the mitt not everywhere on your body but certain parts yeah usually my torso shoulders um you know the backs of the arms those those areas that you don't really spend a lot of time scrubbing most people get in the shower you like clean your armpits you clean your junk and i'm out i'm a quick shower because i take a couple showers a day depending on what activities we're doing so right so yes this mitt will make your skin buttery soft if you're a lady and you have no hair you are super soft and then if you put cream on after that oh my goodness you are just you are like the best dessert ever oh rub the lotion yes Yes.
In a sexy way. Yeah, not in that disturbing cereal killer way. Right. It rubs the lotion. And I'll let you in. A friend of mine gave me some really cool soap. He found it. I like it. Yeah. Phoebe really likes it. I do. It smells really good. It does. It's a company called Man Made made wash and i put a link to it i have to refill because i have like a little tub oh a little jar of it um the sample was was great like i use it for special occasions because it's not just getting clean it's like getting clean and smelling good afterwards. Okay. So this is going to sound weird. It is.
But I swear it smells really good. It does. Sweet tobacco. Yes. And I just discovered on Amazon that they have like a spiced vanilla and there's a mahogany flavored one.
They're kind of manly yeah musky but like earthy smells to them and tobacco at least this particular one it's kind of sweet and yeah pungent but not in a not a stinky cigar sense of it like right like a sweet but but rich smell to it exactly that's a very good way to describe that you don't smell like flowers guys no no no you smell manly yeah without stinking they did a really good job with that scent i'm impressed it's a great soap it's super good i like the smell of it oh Oh, good. I'm glad because I love it. Standard shampoo and conditioner. Clean your hair.
The technique from what I've heard from hairdressers and from people is just like a dime-sized dollop of shampoo. On your fingertips. And you shampoo it into the base of your hair, not like all over the place. You're basically cleaning the scalp and the root of the hair. And then you kind of work your way out. I have short hair. I just stick it on the top because I don't have time for that. I use that technique because I have colored hair and my hair is really long.
So I definitely do just clean the root gentlemen if you've got fabio hair and you've got the long luscious clean at the root start at the roots work your way out your hair will actually benefit from not being scrubbed and dried out it'll get clean when you rinse out the rest of the shampoo yeah right well Well, and the reason your hair isn't clean is because of the oils from your scalp, not because of the hair itself. Wait, what? Yeah. So, your scalp emits oils. Yeah. That gets into the base of your hair, into the roots of your hair. Right. But not typically onto the ends. True.
So, the oily part of your hair is the roots of your hair right not typically onto the ends true so but the oily part of your hair is usually the roots yes and that's what the shampoo is for right it does get out like you know environmental stuff you know and pollens and whatnot but usually the stuff that just washes off the scalp cleaning as you're rinsing it helps yeah it's so funny we're talking about all this i know it's well you know it's important stuff it's a swinger podcast we're talking about gentlemen if you work in a hazardous environment you work in oh construction or you spray or you work in a place that's like highly antiseptic like you're a nurse or a doctor or a restaurant you yes you maybe you're a chef or you're wait staff or whatever you have to shower every day rinsing your hair all the way out cleaning your hair all the way out is more important if you get a silly desk job like i do right you sit in front of a computer all day probably not i don't get that dirty but i will do it if i've been in the yard a lot in the in the uh you know where pollen and stuff pollen and right so if you've got a lot of allergies they always suggest that you shower then before you go to bed so you don't sleep it doesn't in that pollen stuff it doesn't get on your pillow etc etc guess what i'm gonna talk about now for me oh my god are we finally finally to the balls part yep i'm gonna talk about balls oh god thank goodness all right so we we got an email from a listener who talked about rushing for his date, doing his manscaping.
Oh, my gosh. He was trimming with a razor, and I guess he cut his scrotum. Oh, yeah. I have a story, too. I am knocking on wood. I have never cut the scrotum. I have a story. You have a story, too? I do. But go ahead. Continue. Let's's get through this story and then we can do the other okay cool so he had that he had a play date that night put a band-aid on it and literally he put a band-aid on it right like yes don't know how that worked i'm curious as to like what size bandid? How did that fit the scrinkly, crunchy? Flexible skin. Like, how did it even stick there?
Clearly, you trimmed really well. Or maybe it just stuck to the leftover hairs after you've almost dismembered yourself. Oh, my gosh. I don't know. But full disclosure to the play partners. And everyone laughed. They still had a great play night. They did. They did. But full disclosure to the play partners. And everyone laughed. They still had a great play night. They did. They did. But. Kudos to them. Extra careful around the wounded testicle. Of course. I think there was a battle in like World War II, wounded testicle. What? Maybe it wasn't. Oh, my God. Maybe it was earlier.
So, is it time for my story now? You don't know about that. You can do your story, and then I'm going to get into the disclaimer. Okay, cool. So, my story, of course, I don't have testicles. Surprise, surprise. But I was buried before, and my husband loved to go commando, just like you do, right?
i'm so lucky to be buried to large men with no panties and so we he was getting dressed for the day oh god uh-huh he wore jeans and he zipped oh my god it's so hard to say he zipped his scrotum into the zipper of his jeans he was in so much pain he he called out for me i came into the bedroom and i was freaked out because what the i am not gonna be in charge of that zipper because holy crap so it it literally had gotten pulled up into the zipper just like fabric does this has to happen so often because it was actually in the something about mary the movie with ben stiller and it was i don't remember that part yeah he like zipped his scrotum up they of course like greatly exaggerated because somehow he got the zipper over the scrotum and past the scrotum which is not freaking possible yeah but kudos to the special effects guys for making every single man watching the film just roll into the fetal position on the floor of every theater and living room across amer and just say, oh, fuck, no.
No, why did you show that? We have to watch that movie. It's a good movie. So anyway, yes, I tried to help. I tried to assist. I felt really nervous. I was really freaked out. Eventually, he had to pull the zipper down. Breaking beans zipper down yeah he was in a lot of pain it was not a pleasant experience and it was very pain i have not you have i am knocking on wood never never done that i know well probably because i've almost pinched i've i've pinched it but i was not dumb enough to keep pulling like i backed off Thank you.
Well, probably because I've almost pinched it, but I was not dumb enough to keep pulling. Like, I backed off the first nibble. The first nibble? If you dangle your tackle in the water and the fish start biting, pull it out. All right. Now, there actually is a serious disclaimer.
So i i looked up like testicle shaving manscaping a reddit post came up and a guy actually was like this is serious this is really serious but bad shit can happen and i was like oh okay so according to this reddit poster that any infection on the scrotum needs to be treated as a medical emergency to avoid, dun, and there's a link to this if you really want to read something horrible, because I didn't even look at it, because I'm not going there. You didn't look? I can't not look. Oh, hell no, I'm not going to look at this. I'm going to look at it.
It's called Fournier's Gangnier's gangrene what the fuck is that well as soon as they said gangrene i was like no looking right now i'm not no i'm not going i'm not clicking on it i'm not gonna look at it i see it's gross okay so check this out guys this is a rapidly spreading condition with a 40% mortality rate. What? With treatment. Oh, my God. So anytime you have any problem with your balls, go to the doctor immediately. All right. So I put that out there. I read it. I had to pass this on. Holy fuck.
If you've trimmed your junk to the point where you've infected it probably go see a doctor if you just got a scratch i don't think it's going to get gangrenous but you know what soap water clean if you've cut yourself and clearly you haven't been keeping your razor clean if you're getting gangrene like if it's infected if it starts getting red at all or infected at all oh yeah hell yeah go see a doctor because there's nothing like losing your balls or your penis to an infection i put the link in here click at your own risk okay so i will say because i've looked this up now that ed started talking about it because i had to look don't look it don't do it i went to wiki and there was a really gross photo there about one in sixty two thousand five hundred males are affected per year so it's not a lot but it's you know it can this type of gangrene can happen to anyone more so males but it also happens to people that are have blood sugar level issues so if you're like an alcoholic or a diabetic or malnourished you're gonna have some some issues so you know also if you're not very clean and hygienic it's gonna cause a lot of issues but but still don't mess around yes so which gets me back to yes the electric trim So, I'm 100% love my Norelco trimmer.
I wouldn't put that anywhere near my testicles if you paid me.
I've pinched myself with a hair trimmer, and I have pinched myself shaving my legs before with an electric trimmer because this anytime the skin kind of puckers up or you know it's a little loose yep testicles are not that smooth like a leg hair or a face hair kind of thing i don't want little basically hedge trimmer blades right near my junk right not going there okay so what do you use straight up razor and soap so the face razor that i use like a three blade razor three blade razor what yeah wait so how does this happen because your balls are like you know know, loose and like they're not tight things.
No. But in a hot shower, your balls tend to stretch out a little bit. Right. So then how? Well, what that allows you to do is pull them. Yeah. So that the skin is flat. And then you can use a regular razor and you can shave them okay kind of like what i do with my labia exactly like what you ladies do with your labia okay kind of pull a little bit and you shave them yep so the big trick is once again i cannot stress this enough do not use disposable razors. No. A, the heads don't move around. They don't adjust. They're very rigid.
So if you get the wrong angle on them, you're guaranteed to slice something. You do not want to slice your testicles. See the Wikipedia article about Fournier's Game Green. Reference Wikipedia. Yeah. But using an electric trimmer, supposedly some of these manscaping razor companies will say it's skin safe. Sorry. Don't trust the marketing. Not going to do it. So I just use a regular face shaver. A safety razor works really well. You kind of pull the balls. The trickiest part about shaving your balls is you miss hairs. Ladies, you can empathize with this.
It's hard to get all the hairs on your leg because you get them wet and they slick down. You can't see them. Right. The light's not necessarily gray. It's hard. It's a quadruple shaven area just to make sure you got all the weird strays. Yep. And only until you step into the sunlight can you find all those random hairs. Which is absolutely why we recommend nudist resorts and getting naked as often as you can in public. Because you've got to check to make sure that you've got all the hairs. And sunlight. Sunlight is the best way to do that.
I've considered taking a razor blade when I'm at a nudist resort. Because you look down and you're like, God dang it.
But yeah, my neighbors probably really appreciate when i step out on the back patio in the sunlight and shave things that i didn't get while i was in the shower at least until the trees grow up and then they won't be able to see me anymore but until then i really don't give a fuck they're super cute too bad they're not swingers they have young kids know that they're not swingers we haven't thrown the bait out hey there podcast listeners you've been tuning into our episodes but have you ever wondered about the steamy details of our adventures or maybe hungry for some sultry erotic stories?
Well, guess what? We've got something special just for you. Our exclusive Patreon page. It's like a VIP pass to the saucier side of our world. So if you're ready for an exclusive behind-the-mic experience, head over to to our Patreon page now. Trust us. This is where the magic happens. See you there, patrons. No, we haven't. But I doubt it. I kind of doubt it too, but you never know. They have all these, yeah, never mind. Oh, that. Yeah. They have all these other organized events in their backyard.
And so not that, you know, but they're frequent enough where I think that they're probably still invested in that type of organization. Could be. Yeah. Okay. The other last bit of advice when shaving the balls is soap and rinsing often. So as you, especially with longer hair, as you shave with a razor, your razor will get clogged up. So run it under the shower head, clear it out, and begin shaving again.
Why don't you try, you know you know what i'm gonna buy you that good clean love product cleanser for men you might want to try that they have one yeah they have one for women's that's ph balance for women's vaginas and and the and the i'm open to trying it because then it won't get clogged it more of a gel. The trick is the hair and the length of the hair. So if you trim often, the hair won't build up as much. True. But you still want to rinse between strokes. Really? I don't. Well, especially with facial hair. Well, yes. There's a lot of hair in there.
There's a lot lot of hair but your balls don't have that much hair my balls are fairly sparse i don't have like particularly hairy balls no i don't wouldn't say that you do but i also trim pretty regularly too maybe i'm just like keeping the jungle at bay but the big trick is shaving the balls and actually i forgot this in the notes but gentlemen if you like to get rimmed some gentlemen do or you like a woman who's just you just want to be presentable everywhere yeah uh-huh shave your anus i do and i don't like to be rimmed but i like to be presentable because you're gonna see it don't want some random sasquatch chocolate starfish going on chocolate starfish oh my goodness so how come you never you know you might actually like my razor mine's a really nice razor are we to that part yet where I get to shave my labia?
Yes, we are. We can talk about labia shaving. So I failed to bring the razor blade into the podcast room. You use a venous shaver. Okay, perfect.
Not the crazy, like super extra, like lubricating strip venous razor specific for shaving the private parts and i will tell you i did not fall for the marketing bullshit and i was like your crap's not going to work on me i'm just going to try all this other crap you know the disposables and any other thing and it did not work and i got tired of it and i said all right i'm going for the marketing line and i bought it and i love it and it's worked great now is it a three blade or a five blade i don't remember i think it's a three blade it's either a three or a four and i love it and i do change it frequently and they said you use it three to five times and you change it out and i've never had a problem i've never had a cut it shaves amazing and it is worth it yeah now i have i have used the gillette venus razors before for my face and my balls um those work really really good the three blade venuses fantastic but i will say gentlemen any three blade razor will also work equally well as long as it's not a disposable as long as it's got that pivoting head you'll be okay and i would say also whatever you use on your face don't use on your balls.
Keep them separate because the hair on your face is 10 times more rough and stout. And so you're going to dull that razor a lot faster. So keep one for the privates and one for the face. That's what i do i use one for the legs and one for the privates i'm gonna mix them up monkey wrench in phoebe's advice here oh my gosh my testicle skin is actually more resilient more tough than my facial hair my facial skin I have a baby face I've got a really delicate soft skin on my face the testicle My facial hair. My facial skin. I have a baby face. I've got a really delicate, soft skin on my face.
The testicle skin is kind of like car tire rubber. It's pretty, like, it's stretchy. Then you should not have a problem with me sucking your balls into my mouth. It's not the skin. it's the delicate sensitive things inside the skin that i don't want sucked and bitten and you get really enthusiastic with i do i get so enthusiastic which i absolutely appreciate when it's around the cock But the balls make make me nervous, honey. I'm nervous, but I'm nervous. But maybe, you know, maybe it's an acclimation thing. Maybe you just need to suck my balls more. I think I just need to do it more.
And I don't do it more because I know you're nervous and I don't want to make you nervous. And I want you to have a good experience, so I don't do it more, but I really, really love it.
A baby, if your face is anywhere near my cock i know i'm having a good time you love it but i like to i like to change up the scenery while i'm down there baby you you do what you want to do down there if you're doing anything down there i am happy i'm just saying one of my favorite things is sharing your cock with another mouth that is super fabulous yeah that's nice when there's one on one side and one on the other that is probably honestly one of my one of my top i think there's gonna be an olympic sport the the tandem cock sucking tandem cock sucking i'm pretty sure it's an exhibition sport in the next olympics olympics i can Thank you.
It's an Olympic sport, the tandem cocksucking. Tandem cocksucking? I'm pretty sure it's an exhibition sport in the next Olympics. Olympics? I can start a petition for that. That would be great. We'll put that on Twitter. I will freaking sign up for that. Tandem cocksucking. I will be the equipment for that sport. All right. I'll be there. There's a couple other things that you wanted to talk about in terms of, like, labia and hair. Yeah. So, a lot of women wax. Yes. The whole Brazilian wax. A lot of my three friends wax. I've seen the videos. Yeah. It scares the shit out of me.
I'm not sure my balls could handle that. Yeah. But supposedly, it works really well. It works really well. I've had it done once, maybe twice. And I'm not a fan. I'm not really a fan of waxing. I'm not really a fan of waxing my legs or under my arms or my labia. It's extremely painful.
What I have done is a lot of laser treatments before some of the laser treatments were great so uh over the years i still need a few more laser treatments and i'm actually going to go back and have my good friend finish off the job because i am having to shave and i don't like having to shave those last few stray hairs i was gonna say it's just a it's a couple it's annoying hairs it's well it's a it's a little more than a couple but it's enough to be annoying i try to get down there as often as i can to inspect to make sure and and i get pretty close you do a really good job of yeah you do you get really close almost close enough to touch but i will say that the lasers now are way better than they were before they're a lot more powerful um everything the techniques over the years oh my gosh it's amazing years ago it's so much different now and you can probably get well i can't estimate everyone's different depending on how much treat how many treatments you have but i will say laser treatment has improved over the years it's gonna go get that done it's so worth it i mean when you think about how much money you're spending waxing and the time you just get it lasered off and it's done 10.
11. 12. 13. 14. 15. 15. 16. 16. 17. 18. 18. 19. 20. 21. 22. 21. 22. gonna go get that done it's so worth it i mean when you think about how much money you're spending waxing and the time you just get it lasered off and it's done now now i will say ladies i kind of miss having a little bit of a landing strip kind of going on the top i have thought about that over the years the the labia part where you're like really down there with the tongue and the mouth and the eating part. Yeah. Having no hair down there. It's nice. I'm okay with that being completely shaved clean. Yeah.
But having a little bit of pubic hair, it's kind of 70s sexy. I know. And you don't have the. And I got really horny watching all that vintage porn.
And I kind of miss that sexy i know and you don't have the really horny watching all that vintage porn and i kind of missed that i know i i agree i i have had a little bit of hindsight 2020 and go gosh you know i really wish i hadn't lasered off all the top part because i've i've lost the flexibility there's a hair club for women good gosh you know there's merkins the merkins we could do the merkin but i don't want a toupee thing because like that just comes off in your mouth and then you've got to like and that's awkward but it's a little landing strip maybe it's not as noticeable i don't know we just what if we, like, eyelashes and we just kind of glued them on?
I knew you were going to go there. It's a business now. We should start it. We should start one. All right. We've gotten completely silly at this point. So decorative, we could do. In hair, you can do words like, fuck me, in letters. Or just in hair letters. Just pointing down. That's what tattoos are for there you go oh i'll just tattoo on some hair no okay no all right so let's see are we done with my section we we are we have finished with the labia and the fact that i'm terrified of waxing although i haven't't done it. But now I'm thinking about Mrs. Red and no Mrs. Real and, like, her.
She's got a little bit of a landing script. Does she? I didn't notice. No, she doesn't. She's very cleanly shaven, and it was very nice to be down there. Okay, continue. Otherwise, I'm really going to get sidetracked. Yes. We won't talk about other vaginas that we've experienced. Yes. The joys of... Gentlemen, towel off. You've cleaned. You've shaven. Towel yourself off. Now, it's time for the blowjob. What? No, not your wife actually sucking on your penis. You get a blowjob after you towel off from a shower? I do.
the blowjob what no not not your not your wife actually sucking on you you get a blowjob after you tell off i do i blowjob myself oh every time i get out of the shower wow specifically we have a hair dryer yeah in the little shower area and i will blow dry my testicles, the underparts, the taint, etc. Why do you do that? As well as my hair so that I can prepare for that. Oh, for the gel and the fancy, fancy. Yeah, for gel and whatnot.
But one of the things that I found is by not only toweling off, but drying that moisture off, you reduce the moisture that you're going to trap inside your pants or inside of your fancy underwear if you wear them. Right. And that's going to reduce bacteria and smells and potential sweat. In other words, you're kind of staving off. You just did all this work to clean. Yeah.
Get the moisture out of there because moist balls breed smells so just blow dry a little bit right and i'm gonna throw something in there because you didn't put my one of my favorite products that i like to use when we're swinging is a is loom and they have it's i don't know exactly what's in it but it's it's essentially let's just say it smells really good and it's it's like um what's the white powder that you put in the refrigerator baking soda it's kind of like baking soda yeah it's got a little bit of a forgive me I'm a little a little air prepared for representing that product in a in a great way but i love it and it reduces any kind of odor so you're on the dance floor you're mingling all night long for hours and you're sweating and you will not smell i will tell you it's amazing you can use it as a deodorant it's pretty.
Right. So when I go to a swinger party, I put it all on the outside of my labia. I put it around my butthole or anywhere it's going to sweat, under the boobs, and I smell amazing. And I don't have to freshen up because I already smell fresh. I may have to try some loom on the joint and see how that works. I know. We'll put that in the show notes. Yeah. The aftershave part. Gentlemen, you like to wear cologne. I'm going to throw this out here. Go to a nice place.
Try the aftershave out on your skin because your skin chemistry will actually affect how the cologne smells yes it smells good in the bottle but it may not smell good on you and i would suggest going to nordstrom's because they have this perfume department right it's complete just perfume it's right near at least they used to near the cosmetics and they will help you pick out a scent that works for you it was an art amazing it was like custom it was great and you don't want to use too much because i will say if you've used a lot It've used a lot, yeah, and regardless of whether you've had a good experience or not with that play partner, at the end of the night, when I want to connect with you, I smell some other guy.
And for me, that doesn't turn me on. I want to smell you. And so I feel like I have to take a shower to get the scent of somebody else off so that I can have reconnect sex with you. And so I just don't want that extra cologne sticking to my body in excess, right? What that kind of just points to is a little bit is good, too much, like don't bathe in the damn stuff.
Right stuff right so for me it's a couple spritz on my chest so like one on each peck and then one on my wrist and then i rub my wrists together so i get a little bit of the smell but it's not overpowering it's not too much yeah don't do it on your neck or face please no especially if you're kissing yeah because then you you eat it and you taste it and yeah and then you've kissed someone and then it's on them and then they went to kiss somebody else and then now the lady smells like a man so that's not cool but a little bit on your chest they get the scent they're not typically licking your nipples no there's some freaky chicks in there who are doing the awful licking thing.
I know people are all about that. I'm still trying to. Coming to terms with the nipple-licking. Gentlemen, a little bit of moisturizer on your skin. You just soaped and scrubbed. Put some moisture back in. Seal that moisture in. You don't get the dry, flaky skin. Moisturizer is good.
And the eyebrows, too, because the get the dry flaky skin moisturizer and the eyebrows too because the eyebrows can get flaky yep and every everywhere on your face except for your lips and you can use a little chapstick to kind of help your lips uh hair products whatever your favorite hair product is i'm not going to go into that um i i personally like uh a little bit of a pomade or a wax. It's nice and clean and dry, and it looks fun and flirty. And I cannot stress this enough. Brush your teeth. Oh, my gosh. And some mouthwash. Do we floss, too? Absolutely. Okay. Brush, floss, and mouthwash.
Oh, my gosh. What else? Brush your tongue. Yes, I always brush my tongue. All right. And last but not least, we're now putting the clothing on. We're layering clothes on. Question, of course, is commando or fancy pants? Do you wear underwear or do you go commando? I just learned that Ed goes commando at all the parties. Almost all the time. I honestly didn't know that. And i don't know why i didn't know that you're usually not the first one in my pants that's true so you're not storming the beach that's true so i'm not noticing when you disrobe because right somebody's disro me.
So I'm focused. You're busy. Yes. Getting busy. Yeah. So I struggle with this. Cotton, synthetics, breathable fabrics, sweat, reducing that. You know, I don't want any kind of bacteria going on. I don't want any kind of sweat going on. So in my mind, going commando means one less layer. My balls and my cock are not restricted. They're not sweating on each other. I'm not holding that heat in. Commando for me means I'm getting a little air circulation in there, which is fresher when she zips or unzips and whips it out, she's not going to get a face full of ball sweat.
So that's at least my methodology. Now, if you guys know, and I haven't done a lot of research about this, of a particular pair of underwear or fabric that works really good and doesn't have that problem let us know but for me commando is pretty nice it's kind of like the boxer shorts where you get a little bit of breathing room things circulate can't stress this enough dress to impress Gentlemen, wear some slacks. Yeah, put on a nice dress shirt. Put some nice shoes on. Uh-huh. Match the occasion. If it's a nice hotel party, dress like James Bond a little bit.
You know, you don't have to do the full tuxedo penguin suit. Yeah.
But at least you're trying yeah t-shirt jeans great for a motorcycle ride you're going to go out in the countryside on your harley not for a nightclub not for trying to impress the ladies i would recommend the stitch fix for men because it's kind of fabulous for several reasons one they will do a video interview with you that you have told me about and they will match you up pretty darn well in fact you've gotten three or four boxes of stuff and you've almost purchased everything every single time yeah good stuff not only do i like that aspect of it uh but i like the fact that it takes me out of the role of buying you clothes because i had a relationship where i did that for my partner and it kind of made me the mom in the relationship and i didn't't like that.
Yeah, it's not back to school, guys. Right. Because I was doing all the shopping. And so you don't want to fall into the mom role. You want to stay the sexy wife. Now, I will say, shopping with you, when we go shopping together, and you are picking out things. And I'm like, ooh, or I'm picking out something. I'm like, ooh, I really like that. Try that on.
And then maybe we have sex in the dressing room but yeah that's hot yeah right or at least i'm taking pictures of my semi-naked self and sending them to and sending them to me when i'm outside the dressing room yeah that's really hot so that's fun no sorry sidetracking yeah no are Are we moving on now? That's all good. No. The other aspect of this is I'm recommending a nice dress shirt and slacks. You're going to a pool party. Yeah, you're not wearing slacks. No, no. But you know what?
If your swim trunks have got big holes in them and they look like you've just, like, worn them in the garage, like, don't wear them. I know. People are pretty good. People are pretty good. People tend to be pretty good. But I'm throwing it out there as just a sanity dress. Dress nice. We are going to a pool party next weekend, so please tune in. We'll see what happens.
I'm sure all kinds of naughty wonderful things are going to happen and uh-huh i wanted to throw this in gentlemen all of this stuff i went through probably grand total takes you half hour 45 minutes to do all of that it's not a lot of time i want you to be considerate of your wife because it will take her two hours to get ready. Yep. Because not only will she do makeup and hair and a whole bunch of other crazy shit that I just, I still can't process.
My brain is unable to process all of that prep time that women go through on a regular basis but she will also change her shoes and her dress at least five i was going to say two times five probably more accurate phoebe yeah five times five times so in the meantime while she's doing all of that yep you've gotten dressed showered pripped primped, shaved, trimmed. Get the go bag ready. Get anything that you need ready. Get your energy drinks for the night, whatever you need. And prep the rest of the party while your wife's still getting ready. Yeah.
And I would say somehow time it so that he the dude is doing his shower well before or well after because of our hair because if we're curling our hair we don't need moisture in the shower area so that's showering before is has been our technique in particular. Remember, it's not how you feel. It's how you look. And you look fabulous. Taking the time to groom and make yourself presentable not only makes you feel better, but it helps to give you that edge for those first or repeat impressions.
If you look and smell like Sasqu oh my she's going to run for the hills so take a few minutes make the effort she'll appreciate it oh one last thing before you go if this episode helped you in any way the single best thing you can do to support the show is leaving a rating and review. It takes 60 seconds and helps new people find us when they're searching for relationship education. And we've made it easy. Visit swingeruniversity.com forward slash review. All the instructions are there. Thank you for being part of this community. We'll see you again soon.
