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Transcript
We have to talk about something we've been genuinely excited about for months, and our patrons actually got a preview of this already. Jamaica! Yes, we are going back, and actually, we have a great offer for you guys. Yeah, it's Swingcation. It's October 11th through the 18th at Hedonism 2. And if you don't know what Swingcation is, it's pretty easy. Swinger plus kink plus vacation. It's a hosted group with real structure, workshops, lectures, real conversations with experts who are passionate about bringing and bridging that gap between the swinger world and the kink world.
And we're not just going as attendees. we're going as featured presenters, which is exciting. We'll be leading sessions. So if you come, we actually get to hang out with you. Which brings up something we should mention. When you use our code, yes, we got a code, you're not just getting a discount, you're getting the signature swing experience, which means $100 off per person, up to $200 per room, but it also means that we make time for you. An exclusive breakfast, lunch, cocktail hour, or one-hour and one time with us directly, plus more surprise benefits.
Here's something that's really unique. You could actually contribute by hosting a discussion or running a Skillshare. I know it's scary, but if you have something that you want to contribute, that's a big part of why this event is so special. Everyone there has something to bring to the table. All right, details. If you book before April 25th, you save $400. Plus, they gave us that special code that gets you an additional $200, and the special code is SWINGERU-VIP. So book through TicketForPlay.com forward slash Swinkie. That's T-I-C-K-E-T, the number four, play.com forward slash S-W-I-N-K-Y.
And use our code at checkout. And you guys, if you have any questions about the event, the resort, or what to expect, just reach out. I mean, we're here for you. We're happy to help. So once again, TicketForPlay.com forward slash Swinky, the code SWINGERU-VIP. We really want to see you there. Welcome to Swinger University, your horizontal enrichment program, bringing you an educational podcast about swinging. Here are your hosts, Ed and Phoebe. Hi, this is Ed. And this is Phoebe.
All right here we are day four it's uh it's been an interesting week so far an interesting week lots of introspection going on with us which is kind of fun yesterday kind of um well we'll get into that yeah get into that so yesterday lots of great pool time again everyone loves being in the pool why not it's fun it's refreshing it's sexy everyone's naked there are a lot of naked people here like like actually participating in being naked like fully naked yeah like at a nudist resort usually at both pools although um there are a fair amount of like lv staff that are kind of bikinis yes yes um but yeah almost almost everyone participates in the full nudity i mean i'm always fully nude whenever i have an opportunity because for me it varies on the day a little bit.
I don't know why. You're a little more shy. It's a comfort level thing. I have to kind of feel the room. I don't know what it is. I don't always just feel like flaunting it or just laying it all out there. I don't know. Maybe I like to like tease a little and keep a little like a little like you know leave something to the imagination you know i'm i just love to flop it up on the counter put it out there that is your best advertising hello so yeah pool time um kind of relaxing by the pool we didn't do excursion.
A lot of people did leave for the day or part of the day, a lot of half day excursions. Yeah. So here we are at the pool. They're doing a little naked yoga, which was that was sexy, kind of sexy and fun to watch. Some some naked volleyball at the pool that the boobies bouncing up and in and out of the water. That's always very sexy. Yeah, they make a nice splash sound when they hit the water. The little pool where the swim-up bar was, we went down there for a little bit, but we didn't get in the water. The water doesn't look very clean right now. It was very cloudy midday. Yeah. Midday.
And I think they needed a shocket again that last night, but I don't think they did. Yeah. They may need to do that every night, but they haven't. If you didn't get there early in the morning to get a seat, you're kind of screwed or a chair. Right.
And so I wanted to be in the shade and didn't want to be in the water right away so couldn't really hang out down there uh so i came back up to the upper pool and stayed there there's always more room in the upper pool but everyone crowds down at the smaller pool because it's more intimate it's the same thing i said before everyone wants to hang out in the kitchen where it's small and all the action is. Yeah, you get to rub elbows. Yeah, you're kind of forced to be, yeah, just rubbing up and bumping up next to each other. I know. It's fun. Small spaces are fun. Did you hear that?
Small spaces with lots of naked bodies. Lots of slippery stuff.
Great conversation with a couple yesterday by the pool about um desire and their experiences with desire so once again yeah i think it was pearl well that riviera maya versus pearl but yes desire pearl um and it was great to hear their perspective and some little tips on discounts and tricks of the trade so to speak right and so of course we're looking at it again we keep looking at it and then getting discouraged and then looking at it again so right and after often often and often on again off and after this trip i'm still have more questions, and we'll get to that later.
So today there is a big excursion of about 90 people that have left the resort, and they'll be gone all day.
I think at seven this morning and they won't be back until five yeah yeah zip lining horseback riding atvs waterfall like which is great a whole bunch of stuff but i am gonna sound a little bitter because i came here to fuck we want to swing at a swing vacation maybe because i've seen the country before maybe that's why i maybe that maybe that's why so there is that there is that caveat i i've you know i've been here before i've done some of those activities before but we didn't choose to do those activities last time that's true except for the fact that everybody else was gone on excursions and we felt like, well, shit, we're sitting around with our dicks in our hands.
I guess we just go on an excursion too. Right. But the last time we were here in Costa Rica, we were in Jaco, by the way. Love it there. If you get a chance to go you should definitely go very jungle very green very lush and that was a swinger hotel takeover boutique much much smaller in scale but the excursions were free and so everybody went you didn't have to go right but if you didn't go you missed out on more opportunity to chat and get to know people and connect with them in a different way, sit next to them on the bus, and that was great.
Here, no, it's not free, and everyone paid for it, but now half the resort is gone. And they may be going on a different excursion than you. So even if you go on an excursion, it's probably not the same as maybe the people you wanted to connect with. That's true. And the excursions that last time we were here, everybody got on a bus. Everybody did the same thing. Right. And I loved that. It was that group participation thing. Right. Group participation, which we love group participation. Especially large naked groups and small pools. So, yeah. So the resort is dead today.
So we're going to be doing some relaxing, but sort of. And that kind of leads into this excursion explanation, kind of leads into what happened last night and why. Last night went the way it did. Yeah, exactly. So last night was glow night. I looked fabulous. You looked fabulous. I looked very sporty. You were, and I liked that sporty outfit. Kind of that Brad Pitt movie where he was neon guy neon headband not in the stupid headband way but in the sexy headband way right i don't know what that fabric was nylon yeah not the terry cloth kind right not the 70s kind of headband, the hip headband.
And neon shirt, neon shoes, neon, like you were all yellow neon head to toe. It was fucking awesome. And then I was also yellow, neon shorts, pink neon bra, pink neon arm warmer things, which were fun. And then my hair, I have fake hair, it's's like yarn and stuff and it was yellow and green neon and yeah it was it was all great um people did a pretty good job with neon um but I think a lot of people purchased items they thought would glow that did not right which is the same thing we struggled with yeah It looks bright and vibrant in Amazon, but that does not mean it's UV reactive. Yes.
So we bought a black light just for that so we could test our clothing. Yeah, because we have a bunch of stuff that's like bright orange and it is brown under a black light. It just does not look good. No.
in fact the the best things that glow under neon look really when you said brown it that bodysuit that i'm wearing to pcap it looks really ugly ugly it's very blue you know in normal daylight but when you hit it with the neon it just it is yeah it's almost like the reflective um light on like vests or emergency vehicles right yeah it is that bright it's freaking awesome and i have boots that do the same thing so i'm so excited that'll be fun for pcap yeah so there was a performance last night with Naya. Naya. She did a little burlesque balloon striptease thing. It was super sexy.
Oh, my gosh, she's so good. She's a terribly unattractive woman. Very hard to look at. And she wiggled all over the place. She was good. Stretched her legs up over her head. Very entertaining. She got crowd participation. Cute little dance. Like, the routine was great. And it went for three songs, and it wasn't just all stripping. She had these balloons, two balloons that were massive. Yeah. She did a dance to ACDC's Big Balls. Yeah. And she had three audience members come up, two of them with big balls, like big balloons, giant balloons. Two-foot diameter balloons. Two by three, yeah.
And then one poor guy who had a miniature balloon. It was very underinflated and unimpressive socially. That's funny.
But she got to bounce on them yeah so she squished her body up against so the guy was in the seat and she like first one she's squishing front face forward squishing pop and then she landed in his lap and that one i was like yeah screaming and then the second guy she did from the backside so she had to kind of crawl up on it a little bit because the ball was pretty hard to get on and then and then she was in his lap pressed her ass right up against him so one guy got the boobs and then the next guy got the ass Yeah.
It hot it was fucking hot where did the small ball guy get did he get he's he's he sat right on him because it was so small he oh and then the best seat in the house yeah he did she was pretty much in his lap the whole time yeah because the ball was so small and just bouncing up and down point boing. Oh, God, I would have loved to have been on that hot seat. It was so, so good, so, so fun. And so then the music, you know, then more music. She was done and the dancing began. Great, great music, so, so fun. Yeah, a little mix of everything.
A little mix of the 80s and disco and you name it, it was there. Yeah. And then we saw a bunch of our friends that we have made around the poolside and throughout the week. Most of them were tired and exhausted from going on excursions. Right. They drank too much. They slept too long sleep too long they ate something that didn't agree who knows it's all the things that happen when you you know i guess aren't you're living it up and burning the candle at both ends yeah yeah so basically everyone was doing every other vice but not fucking right. Right. So there you go.
The one we'd hoped to participate in a lot of. Yeah. So, yeah. So I was a little bit in a bad mood because I realized that it started to dawn on me that this might not be a swinger hotel takeover. It just might be just lifestyle, whatever the fuck that means, which is what, nudist resort with no kids? Yeah, it's just an adult. Playground.
Play playground playground and it's people who hang out and participate regularly with the llv group right or not i don't know most of the people we've talked to have been to one or more llv events they've been to cabo they just got back from Oh, where was there was a cruise oh tahiti oh um and so i wonder if those are more people uh i don't know so i the question is you know we well here here to give you some perspective What Ed and I are used to are hotel takeovers for one or two nights where you dance most of the night. You've got a playroom. You've got a BDS room.
You've got a watching room. You can go right from the dance floor to the playroom. You don't have to walk through the hotel.
You can go have sex immediately, or you can go back to your room drag some people back there which isn't hard at all um and then fuck right it all happens in the same night everyone's all mashed together you do it same thing with house parties you go to the house parties most of them are hand-picked um you go and everyone's fucking fuck people are fucking around the pool people are fucking in the bedrooms people are fucking in the living room and there's some sexy build-up to get everybody in the mood and then everybody's like sexually primed to to just go have fun they don't wait till the 11th hour it's just it's i don't know we're used to fucking going on everywhere all the time.
And maybe that's what Pearl and the Desire is like. But I don't even know if people swap there. We have heard that there's a lot of fucking, but we don't know if there's a lot of other people fucking. Fucking other people. A little OPP action. I mean, there may be beds around the hot tubs with people fucking all day long, but are they fucking other people? I don't know. We're going to have to find out. And if you know... Let us know. Because as much as I like fucking Phoebe, I can do that every day. We do that every day we can. Yeah. We come on events to have fun with other people. Right. So.
Right. And we have a nudist resort where we live, which is family oriented so you can't openly have displays of affection even with you know, each other, your own spouse because they don't know if. In public. In public, yeah. And they, it's family. So. But we've had more sex at the nudist resort Yes. Than we have had here. But anyway. And it was 60 bucks to get in. We have 60 bucks to get in, and it's a mile from our house, so there you go. Okay, so now I have some perspective. Yeah. So seeds have been sown, so Ed and I were like, oh, right, tonight is the night, you know. We're networking.
And everyone was like, meh. And we're like, okay, fuck that shit. So at one point, I just said, you know what? I feel like I'm chasing now, and I'm not going to chase. Seeds have been sown. Networking has been done. If you want to come fuck this, I'm over here. Other than that, I don't know. I don't know what else to say. I got nothing for you. Right. Because you can only have either lukewarm responses, but not negative. Not like a no.
There was never definitive, we're not interested, interested or not tonight but maybe tomorrow like like nothing it was all just like non-verbal avoidance because we asked the question if they were interested in playing okay can we talk about october for a second oh my god yeah I've been waiting for this we were invited to be guest speakers for two engagements on a six-star crystal cruise ship with 310 lifestyle couples and it sails from Montreal to Boston during the peak foliage season I'm super excited and honestly i'm really nervous yeah it's kind of a version of like a swinger ted talk that we're gonna have to do oh my god i know and more importantly if you know the brand it's llv luxury lifestyle vacations you may have seen them and they're sexy playmakers with their fun red hats.
This ship, the Crystal Symphony, is classy. Butler service for every single room, Michelin rated restaurants, full spa, clothing optional, sensual playrooms, like everything, theme nights and international DJ.
So it's luxury and nudity oh man this is gonna be great the bottom line is we want you there with us it's 310 couples and like all their vacations they book up fast they really do their vacations are extremely popular so please come with us and in order to find it all you have to do is go to our swingerlinks.com and look for the llv sensual voyage we hope you'll join us i mean or or there was a reason like they played too hard that day or they were ill or tired and all that stuff. But I'm just saying the direct response was never given like we never got a clear definitive.
No, it just was a lukewarm non-response. So, yeah. So the difference would be if I had been out drinking all day and I wasn't feeling great, I would say, you know what? I'm not feeling so spicy right now. Let me go back to the room, take a power nap, and see how we feel later. But we are definitely interested in playing with you. That would have been my response. And the other couple would have been, great, we're on the same page. We'll see you tonight. We just need to coordinate the time.
And then later that night i was like you know the power map didn't work but i definitely want to get to you guys get with you guys tomorrow let's set a date is it that i don't know i don't know is that hard i mean we're eight years in maybe these people are more than eight years in. Are they not? Well, some of them are. Some of them are fairly new. So maybe that's what it is. Maybe it's just. Sorry. Sorry if I sound bitter. I'm sorry. But I'm here to fuck. Well, and this is great. It's not great. It actually sucks a lot. But it's great because... We're learning.
Yeah, and you guys are getting a little bit of a perspective of kind of one of these wah situations where it wasn't so much that we had expectations that we were going to get laid multiple times a day. Right, right. But there still was an expectation that there'd be some playing, especially if we had sexy conversation. We were in the pool making out with these people. Yeah. There's been plenty of butt fondling. I was fingering somebody in the pool the other day. Right, right. It was really scientific.
We were testing out silicone lube right whether it worked in the pool yes i swear it was just it was and it worked well it was very effective from what i've heard you wouldn't do that on me because i can't do it but yes yes she was a willing participant it's not like we had unrealistic expectations. We had pretty moderate expectations. Yeah. And so far, not so much. Which makes me, so then you go, okay, $3,000, $4,000, $5,000, $6,000, whatever, you know. You're up into the thousands of dollars for a vacation. Right. To go do what? To hopefully hook up with people.
See hot people fuck by the pool. Okay, great. I can go do that at my local nudist resort for $60, and it takes me 10 minutes to get there. Okay, maybe you don't have that in your area. We'll set up a house party for a couple hundred bucks and invite your friends. Right. So then what's the incentive? These are the questions that I have. And we are going to do a bigger episode on that. With an accompanying survey and all that. We mentioned that a little bit yesterday. These are the questions that make these are the things that make you go hmm.
It's almost like and I'll give you a little preview into some like if you want to spend thousands of dollars to go get gourmet food from a chef that got you know sucked away from one of the resorts because he was that good and your every need is catered to and they wash your feet and give you a drink every single time it's empty and you this and that and the music and the entertainment and Cirque du Soleil is there and this and that great then why I mean I basically can do that in Vegas. Actually, we kind of have done that in Vegas. Sure. There's just no sex around the pool to watch.
There's no live porn to watch. Right. Plenty of people to watch, though, and sexy people in bikinis and stuff. With entertainment and drinks. I don't know. Okay, but whatever. We are struggling. Oh, we're struggling. You can feel and hear the struggle. So today, oh, so last night. It wasn't a total loss last night. No. We left the dance party early. I was in a funk. And I'm like, I need to leave because my attitude is bringing everybody else down. I just need to take myself out.
I phoebe her space i gave myself a time out so so um i said let everyone else have a good time i'm bringing people down so we gotta go um so we went swimming again the bottom pool was looked gross likeoon, swampy. Yeah, we said that earlier. And so when we went up to the top pool, we jumped in, and the security guard came back. I already said all this, didn't I? I don't think so. And he said, well, anyway, chemicals. He said chemicals. I said shock treatment. And he said yes. And so we were like, fuck, got to get out. Yeah, we were talking about that at breakfast this morning. Oh, okay.
But before we got out of the pool, the friends who we'd run into last night were also tired. Who were watching us have sex? They didn't watch us have sex, but... But they walked by. They gave us a rain check on having sex. That's right. They decided... To join us. To join us. And the husband basically said, honey, are you interested in a little skinny to me? And she's like, yeah. She starts taking her clothes off. And they both jumped in the pool. And then the security guard of course tells us that the naked people have to get out of the pool.
And we went to the murky pool for 10 minutes maybe. Yeah, I was scared. Her and I were like, really? We don't want to get in. So we got in for just a tiny bit. And then I immediately got out and like showered off because it was just gross. It was less than sexy. Yeah. I was trying to get the shock treatment off my skin by going into their dirty pool. And then I was like, this is equally disgusting. We were helping them to maintain the lower pool. By transferring the chemicals from my body. Yeah, okay. That's what it was. My body was the conduit. Hopefully I helped. But today we...
We're doing our own fucking thing. We had a spontaneous offer from our new pool friends, our skinny dippers, to go into town, a little day drinking, little shopping a little lunch yep um we're gonna meet them in the lobby in about 30 minutes so pretty much finish recording and i'll push this up uh and then we'll be you can imagine that we'll be we'll be out having a jolly good time new friends, all in anticipation of paving the way to actually having sex. Can I say fucking again? Any more? Do you get the picture? I'm not sure what Phoebe's agenda is for today. I think she'll let me in on it.
I even woke up dreaming about fucking. We just need to fly listeners out so I can get fucked. That would be fun. I wonder if anybody... Maybe I just need to create a sign by the pool that says, come fuck me. Maybe that... If you give a fuck, stop by. Please. We're accepting offers. Thanks., stop by. Please. We're accepting offers. We'll fuck for fun. I don't need food. I don't need money. It's just fun. Yeah, the food's free. Fucking for fun. Over here, please. Hello. That's what we really need. We need to get shirts printed that say, hi, I'm Ed. I'm here to fuck.
And maybe you can get the same one. He goes, I'm with him. We're here to fuck. That's perfect. All right. You make a note of that because we need to do that. Things to do on this vacation. Item one. Fuck. Item two. More fucking. That would be another good t-shirt item three and then we can put little check boxes on the back if you're not if you're not interested bucking please leave you can say hi but bring your friends over who do want to ask you about it. Right, right. Okay, so, yeah, I'm not sure if a swinger hotel takeover really exists. In reality, it is difficult to do.
I mean, just because you're a swinger doesn't mean swinging is actually going to happen, but there's a high likelihood that it would if you are all legit swingers there are not all legit swingers here so when we say legit swingers it's people who are not just lifestyle friendly who enjoy the sexy environment people who are not soft even soft I take soft. Yeah, we do like soft. I take soft over none. Right, but I don't want 50% of the resort not soft. Even soft swaps. Yeah, because we... I take soft. Yeah, we do like soft. I take soft over none. Right.
But I don't want 50% of the resort being soft. Well, maybe 50 could be soft and 50 could be full. I will take a room of 50 soft swappers. But I don't want 80% of the soft. Well, I don't know. But soft swappers tend not to commit to... Here's the thing. We want people who will actually participate with other people in a sexual manner. Exactly. If you're just here to be sexy and dance and drink, go to a nightclub. Right. But if you're actually here to interact with other people and play with other people in some fashion of sex. Yeah.
Bill Clinton fashion of sex, just a little oral because blowjob's not real sex. Fine. You're still playing with people. And you don't need six out of seven days to get to know somebody before that happens. Or 40 drinks. Okay, anyway. We're bringing you down. I'm so sorry. So, uh, yeah, I think, I think we should, you know, maybe kind of wrap that up there. We've got a little bit of time left before we got to push this episode up and then we are going to go have some fun. Wish us luck.
wish us luck give us some encouragement send us some well wishes all of your slutty wishes just just push them up into the universe um we're accepting send us the t-shirts sex karma fedex quick need them oh my gosh thanks for listening thank you have a great day everyone before you turn off our podcast to take care of all the vanilla things pulling you away please reach out and give us a review I know mashing a star is so much easier but a review is so much better for sharing your love of what we're doing with others. We would appreciate it.
If you want to share a personal story, ask us questions, or share your comments, you can contact us at swingeruniversity at gmail.com. Check us out at swingeruniversity.com where you can find links to our twitter and instagram feeds thank you for listening to swinger university your horizontal Oh, one last thing before you go. If this episode helped you in any way, the single best thing you can do to support the show is leaving a rating and review. It takes 60 seconds and helps new people find us when they're searching for relationship education. And we've made it easy.
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