Want to send us a message? Do you want to know how to turn your sex life around in 10 days?! We talk to our very sexy guest, Layla London, from The Curious Girl Diaries who invites you as a voyeur into her diary of sexual encounters. Layla also opens up about her past experiences with crappy encounters and offers valuable insights on how to turn things around and create great sexual experiences through a vetting process. You will also want to hear how we discuss shame in the lifestyle and the importance of addressing it a social setting. Be sure to check out the time stamps below:Layla s Sex Party Experience [0:32:37]Phoebe Fingered it Out with a Woman [1:03:03]How to Address Being Shamed in a Social Setting [0:44:34] TAGS (Episode): sexualfreedom sexpositive saynotoshame sexualconfidence swingeruniversity curiousdiaries sexualpotential normalizingsexuality enm cnm openrelationship GUEST LINKS:https://www.thecuriousgirldiaries.comhttps://www.instagram.com/the_curiousgirldiaries/https://www.facebook.com/TheCuriousGirlLaylahttps://www.tumblr.com/blog/thecuriousgirl1https://twitter.com/thecurious_girl Support the showWant More?👀 Watch on YouTube: YouTube ShowFull video versions and interactive live episodes!Bonus episodes, exclusive content, and 🌶️Extras: https://www.patreon.com/SwingerUniversity 🛳️🎉Looking for lifestyle events in your area? T4P is the go-to directory for clubs, parties, and resort events. Browse now at Ticket4Play.com Custom SU T-shirts and gear: Our Amazon StoreSwingerLinks.com - live schedule, special offers*, and our 🌶️links!Our Website - Leave us a message, articles, and sexy products3 Ways to get your question on our show:RECORD it on our website at: https://swingeruniversity.com/contact/EMAIL a recorded voice note to: [email protected]: (916) 538-0482 and leave a voicemail.* We get a commission if you decide to purchase through our links, at no cost to you.
Transcript
We have to talk about something we've been genuinely excited about for months, and our patrons actually got a preview of this already. Jamaica! Yes, we are going back, and actually, we have a great offer for you guys. Yeah, it's Swingcation. It's October 11th through the 18th at Hedonism 2. And if you don't know what Swingcation is, it's pretty easy. Swinger plus kink plus vacation. It's a hosted group with real structure, workshops, lectures, real conversations with experts who are passionate about bringing and bridging that gap between the swinger world and the kink world.
And we're not just going as attendees. We're going as featured presenters, which is exciting. We'll be leading sessions. So if you come, we actually get to hang out with you. Which brings up something we should mention. When you use our code, yes, we got a code, you're not just getting a discount. You're getting the signature swing experience, which means $100 off per person, up to $200 per room, but it also means that we make time for you. An exclusive breakfast, lunch, cocktail hour, or one-hour and one time with us directly, plus more surprise benefits.
Here's something that's really unique. You could actually contribute by hosting a discussion or running a Skillshare. I know it's scary, but if you have something that you want to contribute, that's a big part of why this event is so special. Everyone there has something to bring to the table. All right, details. If you book before April 25th, you save $400. Plus, they gave us that special code that gets you an additional $200, and the special code is SWINGERU-VIP. So book through TicketForPlay.com forward slash Swinky. That's T-I-C-K-E-T, the number four, play.com forward slash S-W-I-N-K-Y.
And use our code at checkout. And you guys, if you have any questions about the event, the resort, or what to expect, just reach out. I mean, we're here for you. We're happy to help. So once again, TicketForPlay.com forward slash Swinky, the code SWINGERU-VIP. We really want to see you there. Do you want to know how to turn your sex life around in 10 days? Today, we have a very sexy guest, Layla London, from the Curious Girl Diaries, where she invites you as a voyeur into her diary of sexual encounters.
She said no to years of no sex and reclaimed her right to pleasure and sexual freedom in less than two weeks and kept going. She's a podcaster and a blogger who helps educate and normalize sexual exploration. But before we begin, we want to give a shout out to our newest patrons, Mark Lee, Herrera Dos Reis, Jack S, and By38DD, Boobfan. We love the support from those who subscribe, and your support really helps. We continually improve our offering to you as a subscriber with upgrades to our technology for our fabulous listening and viewing experience.
Lots of juicy behind-the-scenes stories, photos, and some erotic content coming soon. So if you aren't a supporter yet, you are definitely missing out. out in fact you can subscribe right now by scrolling to the notes of this podcast and hit subscribe okay now on to our guest welcome layla hi guys thank you so much for having me thanks for coming on we're very I know. I feel like singing. I know. Well, it is Friday. I mean, it's one of those days. Okay. Yes. Sometimes I burst into song. So, all right. Let's just launch into this.
So, in the beginning, three and a half years had gone by with zero sex. Why and how did this happen? I know. What the fuck? Okay, so here's what happened.
I'm probably like a lot of women where I'm just a, I'm a type A, I'm a go-getter and i've been an entrepreneur for a long long time and i was so entrenched in my business and everything that was going on that i just really put aside everything that took me away from that to my own kind of personal detriment and I think women do this a lot I don't know that men do it but I think women will do it a lot we're so focused on this that you know like I gotta do this I gotta do that and then we will sacrifice our sexuality and I did and then I kind of woke up one day and went what the fuck am I doing like this is ridiculous.
need to stop wasting the pretty I need to get out there and spread this around or actually I'm joking a little bit but what I what I really realized in that moment was you know why am I not out there experiencing the sexual aspect of myself? Why am I just putting this in a box and shoving it away? It didn't, at that moment, I knew it didn't feel right. So I kind of very quickly had to come up with a plan. I put my business hat on because being a business person, I'm like, well, there's a problem. And how, you know, and I had had logical action steps to get myself out of it.
And so that's what I did. I kind of used my business model that made me successful business-wise and applied that to my sex life and resurrected it very quickly. So what did this look like? Did you sign up for five apps at the the same time? Did you just start with one or where did you start? Yes. So I just put myself on a normal app, hookup site, whatever you want to call them, and made a profile.
And within 10 days, I had righted that wrong yeah excellent okay so like so we're after that date were you like holy shit what have i been missing out on or was it was hopefully it was good sex it was good sex okay and yes and i will say i did i will say that i got very lucky because the the first guy that really kind of caught my attention he i told him what you know i was like i really was honest about like listen this is i have not had sex in three and a half years i've just been this in this self-imposed dry spell and i kind of need to get my sea legs again you know right you're saying but you know i just told him like straight up this is what's happened i'm wasting the pretty i need to stop doing that and like can you help me like i just want to you know get past this and yeah and so he he was excellent actually he like really made it special the first time I felt like I was having sex for the first time it was really kind of sweet and I was nervous you know because he was basically a stranger but we actually did end up from there dating for a while so it it was a really fun adventure but but what really sprang out of that was that I realized that I wanted to give myself a chance to really explore my sexuality I made a sex bucket list if I create these fun things that I want to do what's going to come of that and who will I be at the end of all of this that was really kind of my most interesting question I was concerned about like this can make me a kinkster am I a pervert like what because I was coming from complete vanilla land even less than vanilla land right because I hadn't even been in vanilla land so i but i was like when i do something i just i go all in i jump in the deep end and i'll figure out how to swim while i'm there that's my that's just how i've always done my business like i i just jump in so i wanted to document this stuff for a year Like I'm going to give myself a year and I'm going to really let loose and let's see what happens.
And so I had the list and I just went for it. The podcast was really me documenting that for myself. And I really, the intention was that I would shut it down in a year and that was going to be that that was really the original intention and then it caught on and i just here i am seven years later yeah that's always how things work right like you have the the plan and then it's like this is going going really well. I'm going to just keep going. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. That's what happened. Yeah, people are like, you can't stop. And I thought, well, okay, I guess I can extend it one more year.
And then one more year became one more year. And then one more year. I think about the third year, I just said, okay, fuck it, guys. Like, I'm in it. I'm in this.
Like, yes, I'm going to keep going going because i really how important uh sexual exploration and just understanding myself as a sexual being and why that's why we're so driven by that you know because i think it's right we don't we don't always know what we don't know and we don't get this information or this education or even the permission to do this stuff as we're growing up and you know coming up and like information about sexual exploration and different ways to be that are not readily available, really, when you, was like well here we go here's my lane i'm going for it yeah yeah well what did your vetting process look like when you were looking for individuals because i've been single i had been married um for i've been married twice before and the last marriage was 10 years, and it was sexless for a very long time.
He suffered from depression, and I woke up one day in my 40s and said, nope, that's not going to continue anymore. And I was just, I mean, I was going on two and three dates a week.
It was like a-time job and so it was great but you know i got really good at the vetting process i got really you know clear and direct but sometimes you know that vetting process didn't always pan out so well how did you vet did you have odd experiences do you have a system for it really yeah yes i mean not in the beginning because i i experienced a lot of what you're talking about it's it's like the wild wild west i always say like i forced gumped my way through it like you just don't know you don't freaking know yeah and there's and there's there's when I jumped into this online dating world this casual online dating world right because there's match.com stuff and then and then there's like the hookup stuff you know and I really didn't know at that point where I was landing with all of this.
So that's what, you know, a lot of the earlier episodes of my podcast is about. It's like me, like I said, literally forest coming my way through all of this shit, like trying to figure it out.
And so there's no, I don't think there's like a super clear way to the process but what i can say now is i'm super quick and focused like i can weed it's a sifting and sorting process and you know to what you were saying i would go on i would do like a breakfast meetup a lunch meetup and then like a drinks a dinner you know after five meetup and I cranked it like a machine I ran it like a business because I was just like I gotta figure this out I need to sort of systematize this and then make it as as possible that was that's the unglamorous side of it right I mean you know i'm like there's all these guys and i feel like as women we we the the nice part about that is we have a lot of leverage you know because men they want to get their dick sweat sorry i hope i can say that on this show and and so they are they're gonna kind of acquiesce bit to, you know, how we set the flow.
So it's important that somebody at least is setting some sort of, you know, raising the bar, putting it somewhere that somebody has to get over or meet. Otherwise, you know, you're both kind of like lost in the wilderness about how to do this stuff. So I very quickly just like, this how you know this is how i need to crank the wheel this is how i turn it and so it's just i don't i like to get off the i like to chat a little bit on the apps do i feel there's a physical attraction now are we um you know i'll give i give everybody like a burner number i don't give out number.
I learned that the hard way, like all this stuff I've learned the hard way about internet safety and just like what you do and what you don't do.
And then, you know, I just, I, I, I try to move it forward very quickly to then let's meet face to face for some sort of either, you know, drink or coffee and that's something that doesn't involve the expectation of we're just right after that we're going to move on to a physical encounter this is just so that i can establish if you have chemistry with me and i have chemistry with you and there's no pressure either way because you know sometimes it's just not there right and then and then after that then we move forward yeah and so right that's kind of my quick and dirty process yeah and I had read a I read a book some advice from a man who had said you know don't don't always be available I mean you don't you don't want to always just be available right you just you want I mean you you have a life you have a timeline too so don't just you know even if you even if you don't have something going on right after pretend like you do my earlier episodes like i will say you know guys will just they'll hit you up like what are you doing tonight like do you want to you know I'm available do you want to meet and I'm just like no no I might be totally available and I might my schedule might be wide open but just on sheer principle because I don't want you to get in the habit of thinking I'm just readily available.
Cause you know what the truth is most of the times I'm not right, but I don't want to set that standard. And I also, I appreciate someone that puts a little forethought into scheduling time with me that I think, I think that's the one thing that it's not to, they're not to, you know, get down on men, but I think that they're more like, you know, they run their days a little more freely. And I think women are more like, Hey, cause I need to, we need time to get ready. I mean, I, I want to show up looking, you know, my best Layla self.
Whether I'm making that look like I've just been running around all day look, or I really put some effort. Whatever it is, we, behind the scenes, we make an attempt to pull off that image, whatever it is. And so I like a little time. And I also like to know that this person thought of me ahead of time and I'm not just some like spur of the moment. Hey, you're, we'll come meet me. You know, it just, it does, it makes a difference.
And, and so, yes, I would, there would be guys that'd be like, Hey, what are you doing tonight you want to grab dinner and i'm like oh so you know i i might have zero on on the books i'm like no yeah maybe tomorrow because i'm you know like oh just give me you know give me i appreciate advance notice could you give me some you know i try to sort of breadcrumb those principles to them yeah i mean it really does show a sense of respect for for the other person's time and their life and their agenda and you know especially at the 10 o'clock booty call kind of thing that they do they're like yeah you know the movie's over let me just give her a call and see if she wants to swing by like that's just not not respectful yeah i don't answer those i don't answer those yeah i don't and i really i expect that more from maybe younger like 20 somethings i still don't answer it but if i get that but really i'll tell you i'll give those guys a pass but what happens is with the you know if anybody that's what i call age appropriate closer to my age i'm like somebody didn't raise you right i'm sorry you know like that's a really quick for me um decision about yes or no like this guy just just doesn't have respect for women or i don't know you know i mean there's all kinds of things about that i'm like that's strange you know come on yeah don't you have enough going maybe you don't have enough going on in your life that you need to pre-plan but again you know when you're older like that's a that's an indicator to me like you know maybe not we're not really like a good match right right so then how have you ever ran into anyone that wanted to you know stay overnight or cuddle too long or they started to get attached and how did you stay unattached or did you stay unattached that was such a good question so in the beginning uh i have so i still have the same i still have some some same rules and boundaries but in the beginning especially it was just like no overnights, like there's noovers I just knew like that that breeds you know attachment and things like that and I really wanted to in the very beginning I really wanted to just not have to deal with any of that and so I did best now about a year you know maybe a year and a half into it what I realized was I don't know that I have all that much control over that sometimes as much as I'd like to think I do and so I still don't do I generally don't do sleepovers but I also have acknowledge unless it's a long-term partner like some of these move into like you know when you're when you move into friends with benefits over the long haul yes of course i do but i have tried to just maintain you know keep it on a nice casual level and and then but with also with acknowledging that sometimes you don't have as much control over that as we'd like to think as i'm a control freak i like to think i can control everything yeah but that's that's the beauty of this social experiment that i've done now i'm seven years into it is that i've realized you know what sometimes you don't have as much control over that as you'd like and that's okay too you know if you it's it's about good communication and talking to the other you know and when you start when the feels you know the feelers start to develop you just be honest about it i'm you know i i don't if someone's not at the same level that doesn't bother me or when they come to me and they're developing something that I'm not maybe reciprocating or maybe I am whatever it just it's okay you know I just appreciate good communication and and honesty when it comes to that stuff oh that's nice that's refreshing I mean I don't think a lot of people really have the tools or that maybe even the maturity to kind of have those conversations.
And then they, you know, they don't say anything and people just kind of get led down that that road. So then what if someone said, hey, you know, I I'm starting to have feelings for you. Do you do you decide to go with it or do you just go, well, you know, maybe you should take a little break for a little while. Okay, can we talk about October for a second? Oh my God, yeah. I've been waiting for this.
We were invited to be guest speakers for two engagements on a six-star crystal cruise ship with 310 lifestyle couples and it sails from montreal to boston during the peak foliage season i'm super excited and honestly i'm really nervous yeah it's kind of a version of like a swinger ted talk that we're gonna have to do oh my god i know and more importantly if you know the brand it's llv luxury lifestyle vacations you may have seen them and they're sexy playmakers with their fun red hats this ship the crystal symphony is classy butler service for every single room michelin rated restaurants full spa clothing optional Thank you.
crystal symphony is classy butler service for every single room michelin rated restaurants full spa clothing optional sensual playrooms like everything theme nights and international dj so it's luxury and nudity oh man this is gonna be great The bottom line is we want you there with us. It's 310 couples. And like all their vacations, they book up fast. They really do. Their vacations are extremely popular. So please come with us.
And in order to find it, all you have to do is go to our swingerlinks.com and look for the llv sensual voyage we hope you'll join us so i'm pretty like i said so in the very beginning i had just this very narrow idea about what i should be doing and what you know what i shouldn't be doing and again that's a beauty of you know the the curious girl diaries and everything it's really this is a documentation of my sexual evolution and every everything that that involves the feelings all the stuff that we don't really like to talk about and put out there and so that's really why I can say like you know now I'm way more comfortable with with saying my intention is this but if something changes let me know or I will let you know and I never weird about that because you know you want it to be a casual friends with benefits thing but I have had many relationships that were you know where we're both of us fell in love with each other and but it was still open So that was the fun part is that, you know, where both of us fell in love with each other and, but it was still open.
So that was the fun part is that, you know, you could still explore and with other partners and experience everything you want to experience and cross things off my bucket list because not every guy wanted to do all the things that I had on my list. And that was, it was right.
It's going to It's's gonna be really hard to plug when this is why i think monogamy is so difficult because it's really hard i think to put all that pressure on one person right to meet all those needs right because we're all so diverse and it's really really a very in my opinion at this point it's a really hard bar to reach or a level to reach is that one person is going to meet all of that sexually and so you know it's just opened up my mind about well what is our sexuality and And anybody really control that like you i can commit to somebody and say you know like you're my person does that mean you know that i don't want to experience something oddball off the cuff that maybe you aren't interested in no right what how do we bridge that gap what do we do with that and so as i've as i've gone along with this and evolved and being able to capture all of my changes i've just realized that um you know it's okay when when feelings happen that's okay we talk about it and then we kind of figure out like how make this work?
We, you know, there's always a way that like, what are we going to do and how are we going to make it work? And it just really means that the other person probably has to be open to the fact that, and me too, right? That they may have some needs that they need to get met elsewhere and myself as well. And so, you know. Yeah.
We've kind of just, we've heard from some friends that where feelings start to develop with another couple in the swing lifestyle and then they decide to try polyamory and then they have to have you know those discussions about what that's going to look like and the feelings that come up for that with that and um it's it's an interesting an interesting process. I don't know personally if I could handle all those extra people in a poly relationship. But for some people, they've tried it and it didn't work. And then for other people, they're still trying it to see if it does work.
But it's an interesting process. One of the really big advantages we found with the swing lifestyle is when you do have those curiosities that you can venture out, you can try new things.
And we acknowledged pretty early on that there's a lot of couples who want to experience bisexuality well you can't really do that if you're a heterosexual couple like suddenly can't someone can't be that for your partner and so yeah you're you're right like there's just some things that can't meet the need i will never be jason momoa i'm never gonna be you know six four the long curly hair like i could put a wig on but it's it's not the same i know Here we go. I will never be Jason Momoa. I'm never going to be, you know, 6'4", the long curly hair.
Like, I could put a wig on, but it's not the same. I know. That's true. No, I mean, I get it, right? Because we all have these weird little proclivities, like, you know, what is in there? And that's what I mean. Our sexuality is so vast and diverse and I don't think enough people give themselves the opportunity to explore that, to even start to kind of uncover these things.
And, you know, they just kind of know that, well, you know, I think for, you know, if you kind of, if we take like a normal, uh, you know, monogamous long-term couple, they, you know, it's like, I don't know very many long-term monogamous couples that are extremely happy with their sex lives a lot of it's non-existent and i think that that's really you know sad i don't think it has to i don't think that has to be i think there's just for me i'm like where there's a will there's a way kind of girl like right Like, I'm problem solution, you know, I'm just like, what do we do to fix this?
And there's just so many options and so many different ways to skin a cat.
And so to think that we have to sort of like try to fit into this model, this weird model that we've been fed is we need to start pushing back on that a little bit and just realizing that there's just a lot of ways to solve this and experience what you want to or need to or curious about sexually and yeah and it doesn't have to be a one-size-fits-all yeah yeah and even if you don't even if you don't get all swinger about the whole thing or or venture out there's there's such a i think we have a problem in the united states in particular where we don't talk about sex we don't talk about sexuality we don't talk about our own sexual needs and even if you're going to stay monogamous if you can't talk about it there's no way your partner is going to be able to meet your needs if right if it's not discussed if you don't bring it up if you don't ask for it it's it's not going to happen i mean you're you're lucky if it just falls into your lap and it's unfortunate and i think one of the things that's really nice about what you've done is you've committed to i'm going to explore my sexuality period like i'm not Thank you.
and it's unfortunate and i think one of the things that's really nice about what you've done is you've committed to i'm going to explore my sexuality period like i'm not i'm not putting boundaries up i'm just gonna see what happens yeah yeah and the nice thing about that i will say is that um there's a lot of things that i thought initially that i would be really drawn to and that were going to be you know hot and then as i get there and experience them i'm i'm not always so excited about that specific thing but what i end up discovering is oh because i was open and i put myself in that scenario i discovered this and that wasn't even on my radar and that was fucking hot right and I want for that and and I always say like one door like opens 10 others you know it's not like and that's why once people just are open and they start exploring what they'll realize is there's just so much out there you don't even really have to have the right roadmap to it just allow yourself to be in certain scenarios and be open and what is you know you'll you'll discover things that you weren't even planning on and that's the fun stuff that's That's like the beauty of it.
It just, it keeps expanding. I always say sex begets sex. Like that energy and that just hotness and curiosity and all that, it just keeps building on itself. So yeah, it's not like you, oh, that was boring or, you know, it might be, right? I mean, like that one thing thing I didn't, I didn't get what I thought I was going to get out of it, but I got 10 more that were so unexpected, you know, so that's a fun. So that's refreshing and nice to know because I've only experienced what you've experienced one-on-one, I'm assuming.
I've only experienced that in a group setting with more than one where the world is just kind of opened up. But you're experiencing all these new things. You didn't know what you didn't know till you encountered this other person. And all of a sudden, boom, you didn't know you liked that. And that's how it's been for us in the swing lifestyle. But you're experiencing this with just different partners here's why we sail on virgin it's adults only no kids screaming at breakfast no family buffet lines just champagne at noon late, late night pool parties, and people who actually want to be there.
The vibe? Think boutique hotel that happens to float. Tattoo parlors, drag brunch, restaurants you'd actually pay for on land. Plus, when you're looking to connect with other couples who know how to have fun, let's just say Virgin attracts a very specific type of adventurous. No wonder breadcruisers here, just your people.
But also in even like, I think I'm like, if you if I was on a professional sports team, you would call me me like the utility player like you couldn't put me in this role you put me in that role like i could be swinger i can be in the monogamous stuff i can be in the polyamorous stuff like i have dabbled in all of it and it's like sparklesborg for me that's the fun part it's just like i get to experience all these things and then i really start to understand you know whatarksborg for me. That's the fun part. It's just like, I get to experience all these things.
And then I really start to understand, you know, what works best for me. And then I'm that much better at telling my partners what I want and need and what's exciting and fun. And, you know, and once I started doing that and that was clicking in, that's what made all of this really easy because, you know, you have this list of things you want to do and you meet somebody and they're like, okay, well, that doesn't interest me and that doesn't interest me, but this does. And so you're like, okay, you're my person for that.
And then, you know, this is threesomes or what, you know, or it's like, or this, this aspect, this aspect like you know i want to do like fisting or i'm just throwing stuff out there you know i don't know like all these different things that i just didn't know were even on the menu right right just it leads in so many directions and it's really really fun and as long as it's you know as long as you've got consenting adults and everybody's on board with it then off you go and it's just been so much it's been wild but fun yeah and I like to just like I said you know I'm not really in one specific lane like you know I love BDSM I love to be submissive but right now i'm also i have a submissive and i'm exploring that you know and and like he's the aisle with him and just i'm putting him in a cock cage and all this fun stuff and he loves it you know and i'm like that's great i never always thought i wanted to be this submissive and for many years i was and just it's what I've really learned is it's it's a full circle it's not like you're just one aspect it really like okay you may that may be your primary lane but jump over and and discover like the flip side because it really teaches you a lot about for me being dominant, really teaches me so much about my own submission and what I really love and crave about it.
And then I take what I experienced and love so much and I apply that over here. It makes me appreciate what my previous dominant had to go through and did and just the thoughtfulness and the mindfulness and all that stuff. And so none of it's wasted. Yeah. Right. Nobody. And I'm never sorry for all the orgasms I have because I'm having them. I'm having a lot. So that's always good too. Yeah. Yeah. It's, it's very much that walking in somebody else's shoes, even briefly, you appreciate your own position so much more. That makes so much sense. Yeah. So much sense.
Can you think of, I'm sure there's lots of things that surprised you along this road of discovery, but can you think of one where a light bulb moment came on and you're like, wow, I really didn't know I liked that lots I'll just I mean really honestly lots but I'll give you just kind of the two that sort of jump into my head that the fastest and that is uh when I wanted to first go to like a sex party and be in that environment and I went with a partner and I really thought what we were going there for was maybe we would find a girl and we would have a threesome because at that point I hadn't had a threesome and I just you know thought okay we're gonna find a girl or we're gonna find another couple or whatever and do some swapping and while I was there I didn't really meet you know, we didn't find anybody that i really felt like there was a connection with but which i'm sure happens a lot right i mean there's always all these weird discrepancies about why you know right you could like 10 couples and it's like yeah it's just not that the vibe is not quite right right but because i have found it does get harder the more people are involved like the the probability of this happening exponentially goes up for a it's not going to happen like it's just hard right and so and so um you know people think people think swimmers oh you just put yourself out there and everyone's just groping and grabbing it's like no it doesn't work like that but not at least not for me anyway but so we went there and that was my expectation and i you know i really went there thinking like it was a masquerade ball and i thought oh just be like an eyes wide shot never is gonna be sexy perfect and beautiful and gorgeous like the movies and when we when we got there we were in the freaking suburbs you know like it was a takeover in somebody's house yep their beds like their children's bunk beds were covered in plastic.
This like I was I let this was me literally jumping in the deep end I'm like holy shit okay so we so we get there and we're roaming around and again like I said we didn't really meet anybody my partner and I we really didn't meet anybody that I was like well I would you know I'm totally attracted to both of then let's do this but we ended up going into this room they had different themed rooms and we ended up going to this room where couples were just having sex and i didn't i at that point i was like i don't want to have sex in front of just random people but what i am excited was give him a blow job and so as i'm doing this i can hear people around me watching and like being very interested and you know and i can hear them talking and i could hear them getting turned on and that right really like triggered me i was just like i'd ask people people have asked me before like would you like to be watched i'm just like no that doesn't do anything for me like i don't want to be watched i want the action you know i want to be in it but what i realized was that turned me on big time like the exhibition died like i didn't even know that was on my radar so that was you know that was that was one thing that just kind of like change, you know, change some things.
Yeah. I had that experience again at another sex club with a partner that I was really connected with. And that just was probably the most turned on I was, you know, I'd ever, I mean, just, down my leg i was so turned on i'd never experienced that and then you know we were the people that were next to it like kind of coming in and watching and i could feel them like they were so close like i could feel their body heat and their you know breathing and it was just like i don't it did, it did something. It was really hot.
And I'm like, okay, I like people picking up on the sexual chemistry with, with me and my partner and just, and, and vibing on it. And, you know, really, I think that was the first step for me to realize, okay, I could bring, I could bring in other people because this feels so hot that I could share it. And yeah, that was really cool. Yeah.
And what's fun about that story is you went into a situation with, with an expectation and because things just went sideways, so to speak, and you made lemonade and you turned turned out you really liked it in and we have that happen all the time where we we've we've got a plan in our head not necessarily setting expectations but we think we're going to go in and it's going to go this particular way and you get there and nobody's your fancy but you have to improvise and you end up discovering stuff and we had that with one of our first swing events and we were like well nobody's really having sex let's go in the room we'll have sex with each other next thing you know we're the center of the entire room and everybody's watching us and it turned into like an eight-way oral orgy it was fantastic and we've never been able to reproduce that so to speak yeah because there's like magic in that moment like it's just it really is that uh it's everybody just putting aside their limitations you're just making that you're just going with it you're already there with someone that you you know you both are connect you're sexually excited about each other and you're like hey we're gonna do this and then other people like that it's that energy that other people get to pick and that really is i think a big part of what makes makes it sexy you know and so people saw your connection and we're just like that's fucking hot you know exactly let me Thank you.
makes it sexy you know and so people saw your connection and we're just like that's fucking hot you know exactly let me see what's going on there and they couldn't have you know then you guys sparked this whole uh eight way yeah yeah and those those opportunities allow you to like you said be kind of tangential to something you. You weren't even thinking about that. You'd said you weren't into exhibitionism, but that opportunity kind of led you that way. And now you found something else that you like, which is exactly how all of this stuff goes.
Until you see it or experience it, you don't know whether you like it or not.
Yeah i think open-mindedness like i said i i encourage people just to put themselves in the situation they don't they're not obligated to do anything and what i really love about you know the swinger community and you know the clubs sex clubs and things like that is that everybody's so freaking respectful that's what i found anyway like i i'm sure there's ding-dongs out there there's ding-dongs in every bunch but i feel like the swinger community is way more uh conscientious and respectful uh and ask for permission way more so than just some ding-dong on an app who all of a sudden, you know, sends me a dick pic, you know, like, or ask me for, you know, some picture, you know, that I don't want to give them that I don't even know this person.
Right. And it's just like, you know, I feel like it's a, it's civilized and there's manners and I appreciate that exactly yeah how did you find the kink world and how did you who introduced you to that or was that did that somehow float up onto your radar and then you just added it to your list hey there podcast listeners you've been tuning our episodes, but have you ever wondered about the steamy details of our adventures or maybe hungry for some sultry, erotic stories? Well, guess what? We've got something special just for you. Our exclusive Patreon page.
It's like a VIP pass to the saucier side of our world. So if you're ready for an exclusive behind the mic experience, head over to our Patreon page now. Trust us, this is where the magic happens. See you there, patrons.
So I think some of just some of the kink ideas and concepts that was already in you know in my brain when i made my bucket list you know that i wanted to try and so naturally they led me in that direction um you know i got a lot of my inspiration initially from you know just the porn i would watch when i'd masturbate or whatever you know like things in my head right and so like like for me the sex parties like that a lot of that i'll be honest came from the eyes wide shut you know that's why yeah oh that's all it's gonna be you know it's gonna be these beautiful people everybody's perfect and you know and show up and literally it's it's everybody from every walk of life and every body type and every age and every lifestyle and that was such a good powerful uh message for me because i you know just felt like sort of i don't want to say bias towards it but i just had this belief you know from what i'd seen right in movies that's all i had to go on and what i just want to tell people is it's for you know sexual exploration no matter what it is how kinky it is or how vanilla it is it's for everybody right doesn't matter what you weigh it doesn't matter how you look doesn't matter your age your you know the size of your parts or anatomy it's for everybody so like jump in exactly we we that was the refreshing aspect as well when we got into the community.
It was so nice just to see that freedom and that everyone was being able to have that experience for them without the shame and without the confidence issues. I mean, maybe they had them inside, but they weren't showing them. They were there.
They were faking it till you make it kind of thing and um it it was great it's so refreshing and because you know you you see nothing but the standard body type in porn and to be able to see not that at a at a party is amazing it is very refreshing it's just yes and awesome especially i'll speak just you know you and i are women and like for me we there's just a lot of i don't think you're gonna argue like you know when we when we see stuff out there anything that's sold or advertised is usually you know with a a person that looks a certain way. Yes.
And so it's hard to kind of feel like, okay, well, where do I land in that? And that was like the refreshing thing for me was when I went to these parties, it was just like everybody from all walks of life.
And when I see that is you know maybe they're not in the same shape that i am maybe they're they're you know that naturally because their bodies have been through other things that mine haven't right they look and that's normal and they are just confident as hell and i'm just like what yes i know like that that doesn't that bring i mean that just makes me so comfortable yeah and and that's what i really actually can really appreciate so much about the swinger community is that the confidence like i'm just like jesus i can take, I can take a page out of that book. I love it.
I love how open and comfortable people are.
And it's really been, as a woman, it's really been nurturing and enlightening and just confidence building for myself as well as well yeah just to be like hey you know what it's you got it let's flaunt it let's rock it because it's not going to look any better than it is right now in this very moment and stop thinking behind or ahead be in the moment and go with it and enjoy yourself exactly that was really well said i know i totally agree have you ever had anyone directly shame you at a party or you know one-on-one where they said you're tall then why don't you why don't you just take off all of your clothes like like have you had people make comments to you like this which I have had and it really annoys me and I'm really trying to focus uh and educate the the community that that's you know it's not okay we're we're comfortable when we comfortable.
And just because everyone else takes off their clothes doesn't mean I have to take them off at the same time. Yes, absolutely. Yeah. I mean, from partners, from just people kind of out in the community. And again, I am really, the one thing that I can say at this point is I am very, very centered on where my boundaries are. And I don't need to cross them or do anything to make anybody else feel better. It's not about them.
It's about me and how I'm feeling and what suits me best and what I'm most comfortable with and so if anybody doesn't respect that or doesn't understand that you know I certainly am not shy about letting them know what did you say so what did you say if someone's like give me an example yeah well a lot of times it depends on my mood like how spicy i'm gonna i mean to be honest with you i mean you know or what time of the month it is where i'm at what would just happen that day i mean there's there's a lot of factors in how direct i'm going to be that's true and i have no problem you know because again just in business you know i'm just like i i will i will get you like squirt my eyes yeah i mean i don't have a problem with it but um it just so i i sort of i really a lot of times i'm mirroring back to the person the level of intensity that they're coming at me with and so because i feel like that's what they're going to's, what's going to be the most effective with them.
So, yeah. So what I have found is a lot of times it's a slow and subtle manipulation and it's an attempt for someone to get you again, like it's a kind of a control thing. And I just immediately just don't have any problem just shutting it down. What if someone walked up to you and immediately started kind of tugging at your clothes and going, you know, you're wearing too many clothes. You really need to take that off. So they reproached you. They didn't ask for consent to touch you.
They started tugging at your clothes and then they told you, you were not dressed okay so they basically attacked you in three separate ways yeah okay well I would again I would be I would immediately be like wait a minute yeah I'm sorry I didn't give you consent to touch me my goal is when somebody's inappropriate is turn it around and ask a question about their inappropriateness, so they immediately have to ask you. Oh. Defending why I'm not... There's no reason why I have to defend what amount of clothing I have on at all. True.
But the real question here is why you feel like you get to violate my boundaries without consent. I'd like to know the answer to that. I will stare directly in their eyes and then it's silence until they speak first. That's a power technique because people don't like silence and they will instantly they're going to start to bumble their way through it. Right. And so that's just me snatching control and being like, sorry, wrong girl. Yeah. I like that.
Snatching control that there is a power imbalance there and I want to snatch that power back yeah this is how i look at it they didn't snatch any power from you unless you consent unless you allowed it so that's why i don't allow it by making sure that it's shifted back on where you know where the control is the control control is with me, it's not with you. Now you answer my questions, you're going to answer to me about what about that. Right. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. I like that. I do. I've been looking for different techniques.
And, you know, as we talked about, the day is different, the situation is different.
The person you're different the situation is different the person you're interacting with is different person you're interacting with is different are there five people standing around or one person standing around i mean is it loud music soft music like you know each social setting is going to be different is there a waiter standing there like you know how is it being handled so you always have to kind of figure out i i understand that and what i what i and i like i totally feel like i know where you're coming from and i think that there's this there's this social cue in us where we're like oh don't make it a scene or we don't want to oh we don't want to bring we don't want this person feel uncomfortable.
Well, but actually you're taking on the discomfort when it really shouldn't be landing on you. And so the appropriate thing to do is politely and effectively, like you don't have to make a big scene and, you know, get crazy, but very quickly, it doesn't matter how many people are watching is to again, put it back on them and make them answer to you why they just did that. Right. Because they did the inappropriate thing, not you. Right. So all you're doing is pointing that out.
And I feel like as adults, you know, it's okay that they should be able to handle that regardless of who's standing right there right right it kind of goes back to parenting really when you it is when you're like exactly you're like it's exactly you have a naughty child yeah i call it swift and terrible it's the swift and terrible like that way they know like oh they won't do that again because there's an they they had a specific action that received a specific consequence and that's how and the consistency that that response is and if we can model that behavior for other people to see right i mean it is it's it's still training people socially yes i like this Thank you.
right i mean it is it's it's still training people socially yes i like this i like it i like it too so we're going to ask you some random questions and you have to answer with the first thing that pops into your head okay i love it circumcised or uncircumcised both you can have it all you can uh favorite condom none favorite lube just being honest i mean i know we have to use them but i mean like they do suck it's it's an answer and it's perfectly acceptable there are no wrong answers here okay favorite lube i love um for you oh i haven't tried that one we'll make note check that cbd yeah it's really good for you okay cool Favorite vibrator?
Old school, like I love my Hitachi magic wand. Oh, she's in the Hitachi girl. All right. Consistent orgasms, masturbation or sex? Wait, four consistent orgasms? Yes. Your go-to for having an orgasm. I mean, both. I have an orgasm no matter what. Yeah. That's awesome. Good for you. Yeah. Mutual masturbation. Hot or not? Hot. Tacos. Crisp crispy or soft? You're a yes and, for sure. Bourbon, neat or on the rocks? Neat. Perfect. I'm liking you already. No, wait. No, wait. Oh, shoot. Okay, I'm going to go. Yeah, neat. Dirty talk, yes or no? Yes. All right.
Okay, sexual partners, more than 50 or more than 100? Oh, ooh, I even hit 50 at this point that's a good question i would say it has to be 50 or below all right yeah yeah cool that was fun we're gonna do that more that's i know i like that because it kind of catches you off off guard right and you have to kind of uh and you learn stuff like i just learned about a new lube that's Thank you.
that's I know I like that because it kind of catches you off off guard right and you have to kind of and you learn stuff like I just learned about a new lube that's kind of cool I might have to check that out it's really good lube yeah for you all right I'm making a note of that do you have to train the men educate them on like what you like in order to have a good sexual experience or do you feel like it's pretty easy for you to orgasm irregardless of what they do when i was younger i really knew how i could orgasm and so i would got to a point where I was just like I wasn't shy about making sure that you know I did what I needed to do to have an orgasm whether or not they were cluing in on that but as I got older what I got better with was just being more vocal and telling someone what I like and what's hot and I just find that Thank you.
was just being more vocal and telling someone what I like and what's hot and I just find that you know you know you hear women complaining about men but the truth is I don't I find that men generally want to be good pleasers and they want you like that turns them on like I find very I don't know that I've ever really run across a man that was just like didn't give a shit if I had an orgasm or not like that gets them excited so I think that you know women we really need to be better and more comfortable with just telling them like what turns us on and how you know like oh you know like put.
This feels so good. Or, Oh my God, I love it when you don't stop doing that or whatever it is to give them encouragement. Like in the moment, this just, you're just feeding the beast. I mean, they are, they will take that. They will take these cues and run with it. You just need to give them, give them a ballpark, you know, to sort of like shoot for where they're going and, and they will, you know, and then that makes them feel good. And like, like the men, you know, and they're making you come and they are.
And so it's really just something I think, I think the onus, you know, I'm going to have to say the onus lies on women to explain and be articulate enough and be comfortable enough to tell your partner what thing, what you need, because what I've realized is as women, we're all wired so differently.
There's really, now that I've been in a, you know, a throuple and actually trying to figure out another woman's body even though i have i'm a woman it's fucking hard i i can say all men are forgiven like the first time i saw another pussy that was not mine i was like where's her clit like what do i do i don't know like i i same it is the struggle more women need to be in that position and you are going to totally be like okay guys like i am so sorry i put that much pressure on you it is not easy we are not a one-size-fits-all i get it and because of that now i'm just more invested in making sure that every time i'm with somebody that i have a good time and that they're having a good time and part of them having a good time is just knowing what turns me on and so i i'm very upfront and vocal about it and that just breeds a lot of fun, sexy talk, even before you get into, you know, like what you like.
So, yeah, I help prepare. I will totally confirm that men are like dogs. Give us a few instructions and a couple of treats. We are happy. So, you know, we start getting the signs and that that's that's made my experience so little little direction and straight to it and i'm i'm good yeah and the i think the challenge from kind of the male perspective with women is like you said parts are in different places sensation is different some women's nipples are sensitive sometimes they're not sometimes they Sometimes they're oversensitive.
So it's constantly relearning everybody's stuff and where everyone's buttons are. I'll also say to kind of put a little bit of weight to men, they need to ask for what they like too. And I have a hard time doing that. And so I will freely admit that I'm not exactly sure what I prefer, for example, with a blowjob. I know I like it all, but I could probably figure out a little bit better in terms of direction and how to guide. And yeah, we need to use our words more. I know. I know. It's funny, though, because I've asked you that before, and you go, I just like it all.
And I'm like, okay, well, that... It's kind of a cop-out answer. Yes, I admit that. Well, do I put the finger up the butt now, or do I not? Or which one now or ever? I don't know. I know. I know.
So the one thing that's come kind of come out of this or well there's a lot of things but just like the one thing I'm really into too is I love to study my partner and just like like you know pay attention to his body cues like his stomach flexing like when he's getting close to orgasm his breathing patterns like how he sounds all that stuff it's like it's really exciting for me to sort of master you know his his intensity and just and understanding what he needs and what he wants and it's fun i mean like you know if you really if you really kind of open yourself to it and just it's an exploratory adventure and how can And I, you know, if you really, if you really kind of open yourself to it and just, it's an exploratory adventure and how can I, you know, be, my goal is selfishly, like, I just want to rock his world.
like i if i am and i'm sure like you know like all the women out there probably not in their heads right if i'm gonna shake my legs everything do the whole like procedure to get naked with you i want you to come away from this going like damn like she just fucking rocked me and my ego needs that like i want that oh yeah yeah so I so I pay attention the same way I approach a partner the same way I would want my partner to approach me and that's with just a lot of like paying attention and mindfulness and being in the moment and just totally all about his pleasure yeah and when you're i think when you bring that level it absolutely i think i found with men it comes back tenfold like they are so into getting you off and pleasing you and they just need a few little like give them a few little markers road markers you're in the right spot and they're gonna go for it yeah there was a there was a few experiences where i was giving someone pleasure one was with a man and one was with a woman where that same experience was happening the same thing that you described where the breathing changed you know the I remember I was giving oral to this woman this was more recent that was fabulous it was you know I knew I was doing something right when her legs clamped over on my head and batted my ears and I'm like yeah and I'm like oh shit she's gonna come and i'm like just keep doing what you're doing just keep doing what you're doing and i wanted to like i wanted to just like jump up and down i felt like a rock star i was like oh my god the power in that moment and that euphoria that just washed over me like i did it i did it i was like oh i need more of that that was like amazing do you feel more like patting yourself on the back when when you've done another woman like for me it's like if i if i can like master her stuff i'm like oh yeah like i don know why I take that.
I wear that more as a badge of honor. Like if I'm good with it. Yeah. Yes. I think probably because we can appreciate how complicated we are and I don't know all her buttons. And I somehow magically fingered it out because I have the secret key into that world because I'm a woman also and so for somehow I've been granted the special pass. I love that you had a Freudian slip in there and how you fingered it best. Fingered it out. Did I say fingered it out? It sounded like that to me. Maybe I'm just wishfully thinking. Oh.
We'll have to do a replay on that it was fabulous i need more i need more of that we have we have made that our agenda recently and that more female experience all right so it's been great talking to you about your adventures and your experiences and. And we had mentioned at the beginning of this that you have your own podcast. What other services or what other offers do you have that you can tell our audience about?
one of the things that i did straight away was i developed a bucket list tutorial so that it's free someone can go to the website which is thecuriousgirldiaries.com and in about 45 minutes you can i will help you crank out you know a sex bucket list you can do that separately or with your partner and you'll have at least you know three to five good things if not more i i say more but just saying if you just literally are low on creative thinking i i help you with that a lot.
But you'll at least have three to five good, solid things that you can go and investigate, you know, as far as expanding your sexuality. But probably way more than that. And then I also have, I do a private podcast.
So the private podcast is really kind of more of a it's a tribute to going back to my roots when I first would just literally sit at my desk with no microphone no editing software and if I had an idea I'd hit record it was just raw audio and it's and but what i loved about that was that it was so authentic yeah and and intimate so the private podcast is really like it's all of it's back to that it's also the stories behind the stories the things things that I didn't talk about on the podcast, like the story that was going on with that person that nobody knew about.
It's also just, I have outtakes from my audio journals that I kept at the time that are very private.
It's just, I've gotten extra spicy and it allows me to go deeper and connect with my listeners even more so that's what the private podcast is all about but i'm now expanding that into community and that's launching i'm changing so i'm changing the private podcast into more of a community format and that'll be live should be in may uh and then the last thing the last thing is i'm bringing on more curious girls oh yes i'm so i'm building a podcast network you know this model if when something's based on solely you you can only take it so far and i don't know i can't tell you that you know 20 years from now or however many years from now like i'll want to be doing this right but but as it grew what i realized is it's not about me it's about the message and the message is that ultimately i would love for sex and sexuality to be so commonplace like there is no right stigma around this stuff anymore our dialogue is open we are not ashamed it's normal and natural and my hope my ultimate hope is that 10, 20 years from now, somebody says, oh, my God, you listen to the Curious Girl Diaries.
Like, my grandma listens to that. That is so freaking tame. Like, when I am no longer salacious, I have done my job. Right. That's my goal. Yeah, we're with you on that in terms of kicking down those barriers so that people can be comfortable with their own sexuality and rating and review. It takes 60 seconds and helps new people find us when they're searching for relationship education. And we've made it easy. Visit swingeruniversity.com forward slash review. All the instructions are there. Thank you for being part of this community. We'll see you again soon.
