Want to send us a message? How do you get a second swinger date with a couple? We talk about how to reach out to that other couple without sounding desperate or creepy, yet confident!SHOW NOTES:Post Game Wrap-UpTimingFormula: Texting IRLExamples: IRL, Cruise, Hotel TakeoverFollow Up Support the showWant More?👀 Watch on YouTube: YouTube ShowFull video versions and interactive live episodes!Bonus episodes, exclusive content, and 🌶️Extras: https://www.patreon.com/SwingerUniversity 🛳️🎉Looking for lifestyle events in your area? T4P is the go-to directory for clubs, parties, and resort events. Browse now at Ticket4Play.com Custom SU T-shirts and gear: Our Amazon StoreSwingerLinks.com - live schedule, special offers*, and our 🌶️links!Our Website - Leave us a message, articles, and sexy products3 Ways to get your question on our show:RECORD it on our website at: https://swingeruniversity.com/contact/EMAIL a recorded voice note to: [email protected]: (916) 538-0482 and leave a voicemail.* We get a commission if you decide to purchase through our links, at no cost to you.
Transcript
We have to talk about something we've been genuinely excited about for months, and our patrons actually got a preview of this already. Jamaica! Yes, we are going back, and actually, we have a great offer for you guys. Yeah, it's Swingcation. It's October 11th through the 18th at Hedonism 2. And if you don't know what Swingcation is, it's pretty easy. Swinger plus kink plus vacation. It's a hosted group with real structure, workshops, lectures, real conversations with experts who are passionate about bringing and bridging that gap between the swinger world and the kink world.
And we're not just going as attendees. we're going as featured presenters, which is exciting. We'll be leading sessions. So if you come, we actually get to hang out with you. Which brings up something we should mention. When you use our code, yes, we got a code, you're not just getting a discount, you're getting the signature swing experience, which means $100 off per person, up to $200 per room, but it also means that we make time for you. An exclusive breakfast, lunch, cocktail hour, or one-hour and one time with us directly, plus more surprise benefits.
Here's something that's really unique. You could actually contribute by hosting a discussion or running a Skillshare. I know it's scary, but if you have something that you want to contribute, that's a big part of why this event is so special. Everyone there has something to bring to the table. All right, details. If you book before April 25th, you save $400. Plus, they gave us that special code that gets you an additional $200, and the special code is SWINGERU-VIP. So book through TicketForPlay.com forward slash Swinkie. That's T-I-C-K-E-T, the number four, play.com forward slash S-W-I-N-K-Y.
And use our code at checkout. And you guys, if you have any questions about the event, the resort, or what to expect, just reach out. I mean, we're here for you. We're happy to help. So once again, ticketforplay.com forward slash Swinky, the code SwingerU-VIP. We really want to see you there. You're listening to Swinger University with Ed and Phoebe bringing you sexy lessons for sexy fun here are your hosts Ed and Phoebe hi this is Ed and this is Phoebe Today we are talking about how to get a second date.
We talk about how to reach out to that other couple without sounding desperate or creepy, yet confident. And, by the way, congratulations on your first date, because if you're looking for a second date, you had a first, which is great, and apparently you did lure them into your sex den. So you've had your first date, and it was, let's just say it was fabulous. It was good. You had a good time. You had a good time, because you want a second date. So you and your partner will do this post-game wrap-up. Discuss with your partner how the evening went.
In your perspective, ask your partner if they're up for a second opportunity.
What kind of signals and communication did you receive from the other couple to give you an indication of a second date and then figure out if you're all in sometimes you just know and you're able to make a quick decision on the spot if asked it just went so well that you both look at each other and you go oh yeah want more of that we've had a couple of those right and we've had those where we're in the car on the way home we just came from someone house someone's house and we're chatting and my perspective is a little different from yours or vice versa and maybe you're all in but i'm maybe a little on the fence right and you're like oh really and i'm like yeah it was kind of i don't know things change overnight right things change as you discuss things and process things so the next day you may be all in or maybe not.
It's the equivalent of sleeping on it, right? Exactly. You process it, you think about it, and then you remember something and you're like, you know there was that thing. Right. Right. And you start to weigh things. As we've talked about in other episodes, that the hormones have died down, the adrenaline's starting to wear off, and then you start to think about, hey, yeah, are they really a good match? Is it worth it to have another date?
And this is the important conversation to have, to go, if you're all in and you want to have a second date you got to talk about it with your partner right so talk about it exactly explain why you want to have a second date get into the details get dirty details so the timing also depends on the venue the timing of of getting that second date of connecting with that couple again right say you're at their house i say for me within 45 minutes and definitely less than 24 hours you need to to make contact. You're texting them.
And usually we're always doing that either in the car on the way home or as soon as we hit the door. Hey, we got home safe. Thank you for a fabulous evening, blah. And we'll give you some examples later on. Right.
And this is a good opportunity to just keep the connection to just reach out to them if anything it's just being polite hey sure you know it was late at night we were driving home they may have been worried about whether we got home absolutely safe yeah and so if you reach out it one it's common courtesy to kind of absolutely thank someone for an evening absolutely but the second part is you give them an opportunity to say something back and you can start to get more information from them right right hotel event you can just tell them right then and there.
They may be up for another one-on-one or are planning a room party the next night and think that you might be a good fit for group fun.
group fun oh my god i miss group fun this hotel event really is for those one two night things or for those couples who maybe come in from out of town and they're staying an extra night because they don't want to travel again right new year's eve is a great example and halloween and halloween at least where we are the events are usually two nights but even even new year's a lot of times people party it up and they may not want to drive home the next day it's a little staycation yeah they get a little room service get some breakfast bed, a little sweet snack in the morning, and then they're up for more.
Exactly. We'll have an example also on what to say if you're at a hotel event. Right.
now if you're on a cruise again tell them right then and there because even worse than a hotel it's so big and so many people and you get lost depending on the ship yeah they keep getting bigger and bigger the bliss cruises so um it's more important like make sure that you try and make a connection because you know you can't text anybody no one has their phone their phones are in their room you can't there's no service so it's all very spontaneous and in the moment and there's so many people on the ship that they may remember you, they may like you, they may have had a good time but there's 3 000 other good times walking around on the deck so you're not the only good time in town right and even if they do want to get back with you they may not be able to find you So what are they going to do?
They're going to take the next good time staring them in the face. Right. Opportunity. Right. So this is why you have to have your hoe card. We talked about that in one of our first few episodes. Absolutely. Your hoe card.
Your hoe card's got your room number on it and it they can find you there they can write on your board they can tell you where they're going to be your cassidy profile name your sls your your um gosh kick kick all that i was going to name all the other lifestyle um applications websites yeah sls cassidy but those are the two that are in our area so those are the ones that are on the forefront of my brain lots of them there are a lot very important have your ho card and make sure you explain what's on the card. We even have a QR code on the back.
So that makes it even easier for people to get our information in their phone. Super easy. They just take a picture. The phone slurps all the information in. They've got a contact. We're right there. Absolutely.
A lot of people will tend to stay a day after or a day before the cruise so if if you can get connected the day before there's a lot of groups that start chat groups that start up before a cruise and you can connect with people before they have a meet and greet typically at the hotel before so getting a room before the cruise is great and then people like i said will stay that night after the cruise as well another good opportunity to meet up go to little havana or something like that if you're in miami and florida and meet up and have a good time and continue the the good times the sexy times yeah and there are there are lots of fun things to do in the cruise ship dock towns you know whether it's in miami or fort lauderdale there's there's always something to do at night so yeah make connections i've i'm distracted i've got this brilliant qr code idea which is our profile and all the contact information goes in i've got to figure out a way to get a photo in with that you can get a photo in with the no i don't know i gotta i'm gonna you probably can i'm having a geek brainstorm right now there's gotta be a way to do it i'm gonna figure it out Thank you.
you probably can i'm having a geek brainstorm right now there's gotta be a way to do it i'm gonna figure it out so that the photo pops into the contact so that when it's all right there everything our name shows up boom there's our faces bam oh faces yeah yeah faces open up our contact there it is right in your face oh i mean okay can we talk about october for a second oh my god yeah i've been for this. We were invited to be guest speakers for two engagements on a six-star crystal cruise ship with 310 lifestyle couples. And it sails from Montreal to Boston during the peak foliage season.
I'm super excited. And honestly, I'm really nervous. Yeah, it's kind of a version of like a swinger TED talk that we're going to have to do. Oh my God, I know. And more importantly, if you know the brand, it's LLV, Luxury Lifestyle Vacations. You may have seen them and they're sexy playmakers with their fun red hats. This ship, the Crystal Symphony, is classy. Butler service for every single room, Michelin-rated restaurants, full spa, clothing optional, sensual playrooms, like everything, theme nights and international DJ. So it's luxury and nudity? Oh man, this is going to be great.
The bottom line is we want you there Here we go.
international dj so it's luxury and nudity oh man this is gonna be great the bottom line is we want you there with us it's 310 couples and like all their vacations they book up fast they really do their vacations are extremely popular so please come with us and in order to find it all you have to do is go to rswingerlinks.com and look for the LLV sensual voyage we hope you'll join us yeah okay so there is a formula if you're going to text someone and even if you're in real life you want to thank them obviously mismanners you want to compliment them obviously and acknowledge and appreciate some shared commonality that you have state your interest because it shows confidence and this interest will be obviously the future date because you're trying to get a second date Thank you.
date your interest because it shows confidence and this interest will be obviously the future date because you're trying to get a second date this goes into that whole closing the deal right mentality right which is you you express your interest and then you go yeah and we want a second date We'd love to get together with you guys again. Right. And confidence is very attractive. You may feel like it feels very forward and imposing, but it's not. Confidence is attractive. And honestly, it lets people know where you stand and they can either go yay or nay. And you know what?
Then you're any time there's no ambivalence there's no wishy-washy you're like oh they're not in for it again great move on because yeah people are only in this lifestyle for 18 months and on a cruise you probably will never play with yeah the same couple At best, you might see them one other time. Right. At another cruise if you happen to be. Yeah. The likelihood will. There is actually a good likelihood of that on another cruise. Yeah. People stay in touch for that reason. Although we were almost at the 18-month mark if we'd gone back in November from the first cruise.
And that's because there's a spring cruise and a fall cruise and we went spring the first time a year passed and then it was going to be fall which is another six months which puts us right at that 18 month mark for a cruise for the cruise right but not for everything else not for everything else but for a of people, this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. You know, the stars kind of align to go to some of these things. Or it's their one-year event because there's nothing in their community. There's nothing in their state. Or they're very private and they don't want to do public things.
Yeah, or they can't because of their their job and and all that yeah they don't play in their town yeah it happens that's a lot there's a lot of people like that so the last thing in your formula is follow-up so first we had thank compliment appreciate and acknowledge state your interest then follow up. And it's that follow-up that will get you that second date. Yeah. Hopefully. Because you're kind of wrapping up that evening, and then when you follow up with them, you're keeping that connection alive. You're giving them another opportunity.
You're setting that next date up date up exactly so here are some of the examples that we were hinting at at the beginning so for example in a text you could say hi ken and barbie we really enjoyed the evening and would love to get together again we will reach out out in the future. If you have a date in mind, feel free to contact us and let's coordinate. Wink, wink. Here's another example. Hi, Ken and Barbie. We arrived home safe. We hope you arrived home safe, depending on who left whose house.
Thank you for a great evening you were both so fun and easy to relax with we look forward to another play date and we'll reach out to you in the future with plenty of notice especially if they have child care exactly exactly and you'll know that obviously because they'll probably talk about their kids they'll tell you yeah and they'll talk about their kids so if you're in real life and you're at a hotel takeover you're coming out of their room you're hugging and you're kissing thank you buzz so much for such a sexy and fun time we are here for the next several days and would love to meet up again here is our ho card and on the ho card remember you got to write your room number yes so that they can call you through the phones or they can just swing by and you can even hint to them hey we'll be there all day we're relaxing in the room maybe watching a movie swing swing by if you want knock on the door we'll happy to have a nooner with you we've had people call us over for morning breakfast yeah there were some several times hot buttered croissants one time there was actually breakfast yeah yeah that that did happen cruise yeah let's talk about a cruise example thank you both for a great time we would love to meet up with you another time here's our ho card with our room number on it and you can find us at every meet and greet and in the playroom and be specific about which playroom and which meet and greet which meet and greet and keep in mind on up and this is we're distracting you a little bit with this but it's important details playrooms on cruise ships are huge so they'll have to look for you but you can still space but they usually have last one had four playrooms yeah so be specific which playroom and even then you may have a hard time finding them again but well they can look yeah they control the area and they'll have separate meet and greet areas on the on the ship too the martini lounge was one correct and there's specific groups of meet and greets for you know certain age groups certain sexual preferences certain yes etc etc yeah so you can meet up there too and it's great we we did do that and it worked out really well um another thing we would do too is tell them to look for us in the buffet dining because everybody's got to eat yep so tell them to meet you in the buffet and we'll eat each other i mean we'll have dinner together and we've specifically said you know stop by sit down with us don't feel like you're interrupting you know if we're sitting there by ourselves you know come in you know sit down there's a group of us.
Exactly. Because the more the merrier. And we have done that to people too. We've seen them, we've played with them, or we're courting them. And we're like, hey, and we go over and we walk and we chat. And I mean, yeah, they may be with a group, but it doesn't matter.
People, you feel like you're interrupting, but you're not's friendly everyone wants to know everybody everybody wants to have a good time and if you're a good time they want to meet you it's that simple they're not there for that exclusive little small six person interaction on the ship for an entire week no they're on a cruise ship with 3 000 swingers yes they're looking for as much fun as they can get yes yes so we were sitting in the buffet one night and the couple that we were sitting with we were all at the table admiring this one couple that walked by and she was bold and very forward and said mommy come here called her over to the table we all met introduced ourselves we ended up having sex with them the next night in the playroom true story so definitely reach out and say hi so your friends could have Thank you.
Thank you. Bye-bye.
true story so definitely reach out and say hi so your friends could have other attractive friends that may be interested in you so they're like you know it's good it's all good all these responses are when you're you know sure that you really want to play again and you may be really sure that you want to play again but again as we said in the beginning you might sleep on it and you sent a response you said something in person and the next morning you're like i don't know right i don't know i feel a little different this morning after i woke up so you know just be prepared to back out gracely if something's changed for you and your partner but you don't always know in the moment i mean even if you're like 75 you're like yeah i'd play with them again why because it was fun the adrenaline's going all the blah all of that the hormones but then the next day you're like and and that's okay that's okay but you never really know don't make a true hard and fast decision unless it was just really awful and and you know you know right obviously you.
Obviously, you're going to know. And you're not locked into anything. I mean, remember, this is consent, right? Yeah. So you can change your mind at any point. Exactly. If anything, do it anyway so you have practice. Following up and setting up the second date? Well, not if you know that you really don't want to. Because then that would just be, yeah. That's just mean. Because then it wouldn't come from a genuine place. So, okay, not. Never mind. It's not like an interview.
But it does give you the opportunity to craft your gentle letdown, which is another aspect of this, which is you decide not to do it. You definitely have to let them down. You still thank them. You still go through most of it. You just go, hey, maybe we'll see you at the next party.
And it's a very soft letdown yeah yeah follow up you've gone through that evening you've said your goodbyes you've let them know your interest you're going to follow up at some point and this is just like any other transaction you're going to follow up reach out to them in a few weeks see how they're doing yeah state your desire to get together so if if you are interested let them know again go hey we had a really good time we still want to get together what does like next weekend look like or the weekend after that or hey bliss cruise 2020 spring 2020 was so great because it didn't happen just kidding um are you gonna be on the next one are you gonna be on the november one and you can set things up for the next event exactly cruises are tricky because there's a year that goes by people change over a year right but i know that some people specifically plan their cruises to be there at the same time i know that happens that got to be like a level 10 hit it off versus the six.
It was good. Yeah. And if we ran across them again, we'd try it again. It happens. I know. It does. I know. It does. So reach out in real life, cruise, hotel, no matter how it happened, and basically say, hey, wasn't the event great?
I had a great time we had a great time how have you guys been so you kind of open it segue it you remind them of who you were yeah because you know life life happens life happens and it's in the way sometimes you don't remember it's okay you restate your desire there's another hotel takeover coming up are you going will you both be there for example we'll be there we have monthly we used to have monthly parties hotel takeovers yeah and i would reach out to people who we were interested in and say hey we're going to be at the blah party do you are you guys going right and it's one of those things where you just kind of open the door for that next opportunity exactly always be respectful so leave it open-ended be polite don't be rude don't send them dick pics unless of course they ask for them it's so funny we have to say that especially in this day and age and what happened with all this nonsense in the 2020 election be respectful be nice be respectful nice you catch way more flies with sugar than you do with vinegar yes but i don't know why you'd set something up maybe it's just don't be a dick yeah don't yeah or don't be crass maybe it's more like be anyway i'm not sure where you're going but i was thinking dick so i just had to say dick and the the most important thing with this is to propose a date the next hotel takeover the a dinner and drinks kind of a thing a movie at our place netflix and chill who knows yeah and and we've done that too or you know maybe a significant amount of time has gone by six months right because it took that long because a job family illness child care happens whatever and the other couple kind of needs to re-establish that connection they don't want to play on that that night but they're like hey let's go to dinner let's have some drinks and then we'll go from there kind of prime the pump yeah you get that spark going again have a little sexy conversation talk about what they've been doing lean heavy on the sexy right downplay the work and the kids and the right whatever right downplay the work and the kids and the right whatever your health issues right because this is a vacation away from the normal this is hey let me throw sexy thoughts at you and some of them are going to stick hey we've got a small gathering in our room before the next party or here's our phone number call us we'll get together or text us when you check in and then we can coordinate coordinate yeah those are all really good things to kind of start the whole thing oh yeah or hey we've checked in we're gonna go get some dinner do you want to join us yeah all that we're gonna hit the bar or i know there's so many different ways to segue reel them in yeah it's a fishing exercise a little bit yeah you gotta throw the lure out there you gotta yeah bring it so if none of you are in sales sales has this concept of filling the funnel right you just fill the funnel and eventually things circle around circle around start to trickle down and eventually you get content but you're always're always fishing.
Fishing for the one, fishing for the one, fishing... And eventually, it's a numbers game, right? Right. Or if you're into, you know, Vegas, gambling, or... Eventually the odds. At your local, you know, Indian Casino, it's a numbers game. Yeah. Eventually you win.
In a casino, they usually win casino they usually win but you know yeah don't gamble we're not big gamblers no but definitely take a risk with asking that couple out on their second date yes again be respectful complimentary direct and confident and you will find that you have some amazing results because if you had a good time and they had a good time they may want to repeat that and it's easy to ask for it you just got to have some confidence to do it exactly and if you're Here we go.
that and it's easy to ask for it you just gotta have some confidence to do it exactly and if you don't think if you don't think you have the confidence remember fake it till you make it before you turn off our podcast to take care of all the vanilla things pulling you away please reach out and give us a review i am the first to admit that it's much easier to give Thank you.
to take care of all the vanilla things pulling you away please reach out and give us a review I am the first to admit that it's much easier to give a five-star rating which we appreciate but if you could take 43 seconds to type a review we would love it if you want to share a personal story ask us questions or share your comments you can contact us at swingeruniversity at gmail.com check us out at swingeruniversity.com where you can find links to our twitter and instagram feeds thank you so much for listening to swinger university your horizontal enrichment podcast Your Horizontal Enrichment Podcast.
Oh, one last thing before you go. If this episode helped you in any way, the single best thing you can do to support the show is leaving a rating and review. It takes 60 seconds and helps new people find us when they're searching for relationship education. And we've made it easy. Visit swingeruniversity.com forward slash review. All the instructions are there. Thank you for being part of this community. We'll see you again soon.
