Want to send us a message? Sometimes while swinging, your direct communication goes sideways! We get nude with two couples and reveal the TRUTH about what happened and some tips about how you can avoid this experience yourselves.SHOW NOTES:CommunicationCultureDrinkingPlay PartnersCommunication FAILRiskFrustrationFeelingsNext Time?Lessons Learned Support the showWant More?👀 Watch on YouTube: YouTube ShowFull video versions and interactive live episodes!Bonus episodes, exclusive content, and 🌶️Extras: https://www.patreon.com/SwingerUniversity 🛳️🎉Looking for lifestyle events in your area? T4P is the go-to directory for clubs, parties, and resort events. Browse now at Ticket4Play.com Custom SU T-shirts and gear: Our Amazon StoreSwingerLinks.com - live schedule, special offers*, and our 🌶️links!Our Website - Leave us a message, articles, and sexy products3 Ways to get your question on our show:RECORD it on our website at: https://swingeruniversity.com/contact/EMAIL a recorded voice note to: [email protected]: (916) 538-0482 and leave a voicemail.* We get a commission if you decide to purchase through our links, at no cost to you.
Transcript
We have to talk about something we've been genuinely excited about for months, and our patrons actually got a preview of this already. Jamaica! Yes, we are going back, and actually, we have a great offer for you guys. Yeah, it's Swingcation. It's October 11th through the 18th at Hedonism 2. And if you don't know what Swingcation is, it's pretty easy. Swinger plus kink plus vacation. It's a hosted group with real structure, workshops, lectures, real conversations with experts who are passionate about bringing and bridging that gap between the swinger world and the kink world.
And we're not just going as attendees. we're going as featured presenters, which is exciting. We'll be leading sessions. So if you come, we actually get to hang out with you. Which brings up something we should mention. When you use our code, yes, we got a code, you're not just getting a discount, you're getting the signature swing experience, which means $100 off per person, up to $200 per room, but it also means that we make time for you. An exclusive breakfast, lunch, cocktail hour, or one-hour and one time with us directly, plus more surprise benefits.
Here's something that's really unique. You could actually contribute by hosting a discussion or running a Skillshare. I know it's scary, but if you have something that you want to contribute, that's a big part of why this event is so special. Everyone there has something to bring to the table. All right, details. If you book before April 25th, you save $400. Plus, they gave us that special code that gets you an additional $200, and the special code is SWINGERU-VIP. So book through TicketForPlay.com forward slash Swinkie. That's T-I-C-K-E-T, the number four, play.com forward slash S-W-I-N-K-Y.
And use our code at checkout. And you guys, if you have any questions about the event, the resort, or what to expect, just reach out. I mean, we're here for you. We're happy to help. So once again, TicketForPlay.com forward slash Swinky, the code SwingerU-VIP. We really want to see you there. Welcome to Swinger University, your horizontal enrichment program. Offering you the naked facts about swinging. Here are your hosts, Ed and Phoebe. Hi, this is Ed. And this is Phoebe. Today we're talking about a situation that wasn't so great. No.
You may find yourself getting into one of these despite all your great communication and lessons that you've learned from listening to us or throughout life yes so today we're going to reveal to you one of these sticky situations that we got ourselves into irregardless of you know all of our learning experiences first we're going to set the scene. We had an engagement with a couple, let's call them Anthony and Gigi. We were familiar with their online profile. They had RSVP to an exclusive event that we were going to, and they were friends with the host.
So there was some connection there, some communication there. Right. Very, very indirect. Nothing face-to-face, nothing personal. Correct. Correct. Because they ended up never showing up at the exclusive event, but we recognized them at this other venue. They're fun, easy to converse with, hospitable, very free with sharing alcohol, buying drinks, things of that nature. Right. Good hosts.
very good hosts very good hosts and at this particular venue breakfast was a common shared meal right and so they invited us over for breakfast again great conversation really really just nice everything was was super fun and fine Thank you.
breakfast again great conversation really really just nice everything was was super fun and fine the venue happened to be something that somewhere that you can't escape from them here you're seeing this person at all the the things dances dinners you know pool time things like that the whole deal yeah the whole deal so anthony and gg also knew of another couple that came to this event and they were friends with them they had played with them before and they invited us which was great and we had conversation but Ed and I never really got that vibe from them.
Like, you know, the sexy vibe or the thing that you feel with another couple. Right. Yeah.
So one of the events was this costume party dance and it seemed like all these assumptions were being made as we're sharing you know buying drinks and dancing and with with one another and at some point Anthony asks me about playing that night and I said oh we're i'm out of commission is all i said and he goes oh she was too at the for the exclusive party that's why we didn't go and i said great so so you get it same page we're on the same page you get it i said we'd be happy to just watch if you guys are gonna play later right and i was i was totally happy to just watch i i can be a bystander clearly that did not register i not sure why.
Maybe the music was too loud. Maybe too much drinking happened after with them. Was it a cultural thing? Were they just pushy people? Who knows? I can't figure that part out. But that wasn't the only communication. Right. So we thought we were communication right so we thought we were being direct we thought we were being clear in our communication phoebe says i'm out of commission we want to watch yeah so clearly even if you assume that someone's on their period and you don't really care, which I have been in that situation before, but the next part of that was we're only going to watch.
Right. So they were not connecting. Right. There was no meeting of the minds, like I thought.
we get back to their room and they were drinking a lot more so there was more drinking there was more sharing of drinking there was no there was no way to say no I mean I said no to drinks right and to other things they're like here and i tried to say no to getting another drink because i was like i'm fine i've had plenty to drink right and and it still ended up with a glass of wine in my hand yes yes and i couldn't tell if they were just too drunk and being pushy and it was a cultural thing because we did a lot of toasting a lot of toast toasts lots of toasts so i'm like okay this is the third toast why do we have to toast three times so i'm like okay maybe it's a cultural thing i get it but or you know so maybe they're just trying to be inclusive, I guess is what I'm trying to get to.
So I learned to, as the night progressed, to fake sip, right? I just tipped the glass up, I fake sip. But the first time around, I emptied the glass. Oh, you fill up your glass, fill up your glass. I was like, oh, shit. So then I learned very quickly, keep the glass full. Fake sip, keep the glass full. Second round, third round goes around. Oh, you've got enough water, right? They didn't even notice. I hadn't a drink. Didn't drink it.
And I did the same thing with that glass of wine where I had a sip literally a sip and set it down because no one was looking oh my gosh oh my gosh okay so now ed and i are only interested in really one one couple one couple three anthony and gigi right well yes us being the third we're always interested in ourselves every time i'm always interested in you yes but we decided we were gonna watch right i'm out of commission all right so we we go into the playroom and here's in hindsight what we should have done because of the level of drinking that was we were observing we should have made it clear again that we were only watching.
Right. We did not. And probably not take clothes off. Right. Or kind of participate in that process. Right. As much as we potentially did.
Right and it it the communication also wasn't passed from anthony and g and gg to their friends right so there was an assumption made on my part that everybody was on the same page everyone was on the same page so there that was my bad right there yeah so the other couple had made this assumption and and they made the assumption that we're full swap and that we're all in like why would they make that assumption without having a conversation with us just because we're hanging with their friends maybe maybe by association but usually slept by association yeah that does happen most of us are okay so i i guess give them a break for that i don't know i mean we didn't we didn't announce it they didn't ask so no it was so mistake never it wasn't as clear as we probably should have made correct correct we're all in there and i don't god i don't know how it happened i guess peer pressure is really what happened yeah it comes down to peer pressure where you're you're on the bed you're naked and you you start a getting into the instinctual routine that we do which is this is how we play and then some of it is them asking and kind of wearing you down a little bit right now honestly we didn't put up that big a fight but right it was not what we had agreed to right and i think what what happened emotionally was i just felt i'll go into a little bit more in a second but i did feel bad about going back on my intent and I had just been the truth was I'd just been recovering from a medical procedure and I was safe to have sex but I was wasn't I did I hadn't had sex with Ed yet so I hadn't really tested it out so i wanted to you know i was nervous about that interaction and so when he approached me and put on a condom i go oh i'm not playing i did say in the playroom i'm not playing tonight i'm on my you know i'm on my period and then he goes oh that doesn't matter exactly what you said earlier and i'm like fuck i should have said but then the pressure and i'm like well maybe i'll be fine so when i got on top thank goodness i was on top because i had control i could tell I was a little sore so I cut that interaction off real quick like real quick here I was like not having sex with anyone and wasn't having sex with anyone because the other woman their friends right i i felt really threatened by her and i to this day i can't figure out why and sometimes you don't you just don't have a rational reason i just didn't like her yeah can't explain it just didn't like her didn't like him like her that's all i know yeah somehow she felt threatening and i'm like i'm not going to be okay with that interaction so ed's not playing because they're playing they're playing and in a sense we're sort of watching but then gg so i think we're out of the woods, then Gigi starts sucking on it.
Yeah. But then he's not getting the full experience because then the other couple comes up behind Gigi. So Gigi is getting like this whole 69 thing and, you know, where focus goes when you're getting fucked and trying to suck.
Okay, can we talk aboutober for a second oh my god yeah i've been waiting for this we were invited to be guest speakers for two engagements on a six-star crystal cruise ship with 310 lifestyle couples and it sails from montreal to boston during the peak foliage season i'm super excited and honestly i'm really nervous yeah it's kind of a version of like a swinger ted talk that we're gonna have to do oh my god i know and more importantly if you know the brand it's llv luxury lifestyle vacations you may have seen them and they're sexy playmakers with their fun red hats this ship the crystal symphony is classy butler service for every single room michelin rated restaurants full spa clothing optional sensual, like everything.
Theme nights and international DJ. So it's luxury and nudity? Oh man, this is going to be great. The bottom line is we want you there with us. It's 310 couples and like all their vacations, they book up fast. They really do. Their vacations are extremely popular. So please come with us. And in order to find it, all you have to do is go to ourswingerlinks.com and look for the LLV Sensual Voyage. We hope you'll join us. Right out the window. Oh my gosh. Yeah, so that didn't work out so well. No, it's just all very confusing and yeah. Here we are all together in the room. Clothes have come off.
Things are happening.
and the three of them that were over on our side of the room clothes have come off things are happening and the three of them that were over on our side of the room my side of the room uh started two of them sorry no three see i can't even count three of them were playing but the woman who i was allowed to play with was on the bottom so i couldn't get to her and the other woman was the only woman that was out and like available right because i was on the other side of the room right so yeah that was awkward and so i i had a few junior high school dance moments there where I was basically standing by myself.
And so was the other woman, their friend. And she had left and come back with some refreshments. She got more champagne. Oh, okay. Yeah. So, yeah, it was a little awkward. Everyone felt, I think everyone felt awkward or underappreciated except for Anthony and Gigi. Right. Which, you know. Which is perfect. As we said in our last episode, always fuck the host. So, there you go.
so in addition to the kind of awkward position and you know partners not matching up there was also this really weird kind of uneasiness that i had because we went into the room with one set of rules and very quickly every single one of those rules was tossed yeah and so'm like, I don't know what page I'm on or what I'm supposed to be doing or not doing because this went from watch to full fuck. Right. Right. Because it happened so fast. And that rule got broke before early on in our swinging, but it was a different type of scenario. Right.
fun then we yeah we were in the mood for it at the time which of course you know brings up a really important point like normally phoebe and i are like a hundred percent dtf like we've gotten to that point where we're if we like a couple and there's chemistry sure we will absolutely fuck on the first date yes and the second and the third so we're not you know we're not at that point where we hold off or we're not sure like we're pretty sure about stuff and yet here was the perfect situation three couples all apparently very horny because we wanted to watch and they wanted to play and everybody wanted to play anyway but we weren't in the mood for it because of all of this stuff so yeah you people change their minds you have things happen where you have to reassess and it's okay to not be comfortable with a situation and say i'm not comfortable with this right perfectly fine right well it got worse from here so so oh my gosh wait where are you okay other side of the room so i'm upset with myself because i didn't honor my you know my body and then i went ahead and had sex and you know it wasn't it wasn't i wasn't quite healed enough i didn't feel quite right Thank you.
know my body and then i went ahead and had sex and you know it wasn't it wasn't i wasn't quite healed enough i didn't feel quite right so then i felt awful about having sex then i was worried about oh my god did i hurt myself so then i'm in my head and i'm not enjoying it i'm not enjoying the room i'm not enjoying the people i'm not enjoying anything about it and i'm like i just want the fuck out of here right so now i'm like what the hell happened this whole night just went upside down right so it was such a quick turnaround and every i don't know we're trying to explain it but the snowball was so fast i i really i just i i'm dead serious with the description of it went from zero to like full fuck in yeah like four seconds it just happened well and gg was fun and flirty and silly and playful and enthusiastic.
Oh, yeah. She was having a ball. Cute sounds when she's having sex. I mean, she reminded me of me. She was hilarious. And it was fun to watch her have sex because at one point we were watching her have sex. Yeah. then so so now I'm laying on the bed with my legs crossed so that nothing happens and you know and then and so anthony's you know next to me and he's like stroking me and he's trying to stick his finger down in there and i'm thinking dude my legs are crossed. Like, nothing's happening. Nope.
So I was a little annoyed that he, like, kept trying, and I'm thinking, you know, this is not working for me. So meanwhile, Gigi had come over to the side of the room and started playing with Ed. Right. Pretty much attacked me. Pretty much attacked you. So now...
If it weren't so so awkward it would have been a lot of fun right so i'm feeling awkward i'm laying there i'm not playing anthony's not playing i don't even know what the other couple's doing but gg wants to play with ed and ed you're in your head you're worried about me right worried about the rules what else were you worried about uh trying to get up off the bed because because that was not happening i tried several times and for someone so small she oh she kept pushing you down right and so now i'm feeling very distant from ed even though i'm literally an arm's length away i'm feeling very emotionally distant and i'm reaching out to him and i'm touching his hand and he's grabbing for my hand and she this happened three two or three times She says, she smacks my hand away and goes, no, he's mine.
Right. And I'm like, okay, listeners, I can tell, I know, I know. You're saying, oh, hell no, bitch. Right? Oh, hell no.
She did hell no so did not she did not so of course i didn't take that well and that just that did not fly but i was again confused because i'm like what happened to light wait is she joking what happened to light playful gg she's trying to be silly but we didn't know this couple that well for her to be joking in that way so i didn't take it as a joke especially since it happened three times so that threw me into a panic and i promptly sat up and i said we're going to call it a night exit stage left yep so at that point uh i was able to get up and we gathered our stuff and you know said goodbye and yeah you know kind of bowed out and yeah but you know by the end all in all it felt really shitty yeah just because we were having a good time the entire evening prior to going in the room and then everything like i said just went to shit yep so next time i mean maybe with some like really specific guidelines maybe i i know i mean i have no ill will they're extremely nice people but I'm not sure it's worth a second date, because even though I can step up my communication, and be very clear and direct, maybe even call them out with some humor, I don't know if they're going to comply, especially that i know now how much they like to drink and how they respond under the influence right so they may say yeah but then five drinks later they don't remember a thing remember it and that's a problem for me so that's that's you know breaking one of our rules you know if you can't follow our rules then yeah or follow directions follow directions yeah and then that's yeah can't we're not so probably not next time yeah it's a probably strong very strong probably no right i i don't know if i could take the risk i could imagine situations if it's a large enough group to kind of work around.
Because I didn't have a problem with her other than the fact that she wasn't being particularly respectful. But I suspect that's a situational, like, that moment in time kind of a thing. But who knows? I don't know because I didn't see her with the other guy. Right. I don't know how that went. Yeah. So anyway. Yeah. Lessons learned for us. These are our lessons. Communicate intent at least twice. Although I think we did that before the playroom, which we did, and in the playroom. We didn't do it in the playroom.
Because you can have the conversation about what's your play style, which communicates the intent for the night, but then once you're in the room, if you can clearly you know look into my eyes and then communicate right um you should the second time just to make sure that everybody knows especially because the first couple you talk to and the second or the third and you all end up in the same room it's good to have the powwow around the room because these other couples may not have had that conversation too.
For example, we didn't have the conversation with the other couple, just with Anthony and Gigi. Right. That was our bet. At least twice. Once in the playroom and once before. Right.
Make sure all parties hear your wishes the whole look into my eyes exactly don't assume the other couple communicated your wishes you already said that and you know third don't be too hard on yourselves uh we weren't too hard on ourselves we what works most of the time doesn't work all the time so you know give yourselves a break we gave ourselves a break we took some time to process it and talk through it and we were really bummed that this happened but this is a great episode for the podcast so to be honest and here's your lemonade we fuck up too god damn it so honest and here's your lemonade we fuck up too god damn it yeah so yeah it was a big bummer and you know it felt crappy but on the whole we still had a great weekend and we we did a good time so to to let like an hour's worth of time from that whole weekend kind of overshadow it sucks but i think we're coming away with a little perspective from it and yeah it wasn't such a bad weekend right right though you in closing catalog your experience as the new yellow flag and then move forward by allowing time to process your feelings, talk with your partner, journal.
Journaling helps me a lot. And figure out what went off course and then how to correct it. Thanks for listening. Thanks, everyone. The Swinger University needs your help. If you like our podcast, let the world know, or at least tell a fellow swinger or two. Not only will you be helping us, you'll be helping your fellow swing lifestylers. Please rate and review us on Apple, Google, and Amazon podcasts. You can share your favorite episodes on social media. We're at TikTok, at Swinger University, Twitter, and Instagram, at SwingUPodcast.
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