Want to send us a message? Phoebe and I did a full swap with Toronto Unicorn and had a great time! We filmed it, and recorded audio too… Oh not THAT kind of full swap, but we did have about as much fun as you can recording a podcast. Listen in as we get to know each other a little better, learn about the Toronto lifestyle and their clubs, plus a few secrets for hunting unicorns. We also discuss safety, relationship risks, and Phoebe s early insecurities and deprogramming. It s a wild ride and we think you ll like listening in.Swinging is more than sexEvangelizing swingingSwinger CruisesFluidity of sexToronto sex clubsSex positivity and body imageSingle malesDesires and fantasiesDominant unicornBait and switchArgument for clubsSafety in the lifestyleRisks for your relationshipPhoebe s insecurities deprogramming https://twitter.com/toronto_unicornhttps://torontounicorn.com/https://www.youtube.com/TorontoUnicorn Support the showWant More?👀 Watch on YouTube: YouTube ShowFull video versions and interactive live episodes!Bonus episodes, exclusive content, and 🌶️Extras: https://www.patreon.com/SwingerUniversity 🛳️🎉Looking for lifestyle events in your area? T4P is the go-to directory for clubs, parties, and resort events. Browse now at Ticket4Play.com Custom SU T-shirts and gear: Our Amazon StoreSwingerLinks.com - live schedule, special offers*, and our 🌶️links!Our Website - Leave us a message, articles, and sexy products3 Ways to get your question on our show:RECORD it on our website at: https://swingeruniversity.com/contact/EMAIL a recorded voice note to: [email protected]: (916) 538-0482 and leave a voicemail.* We get a commission if you decide to purchase through our links, at no cost to you.
Transcript
We have to talk about something we've been genuinely excited about for months, and our patrons actually got a preview of this already. Jamaica! Yes, we are going back, and actually, we have a great offer for you guys. Yeah, it's Swingcation. It's October 11th through the 18th at Hedonism 2. And if you don't know what Swingcation is, it's pretty easy. Swinger plus kink plus vacation. It's a hosted group with real structure, workshops, lectures, real conversations with experts who are passionate about bringing and bridging that gap between the swinger world and the kink world.
And we're not just going as attendees. We're going as featured presenters, which is exciting. We'll be leading sessions. So if you come, we actually get to hang out with you. Which brings up something we should mention. When you use our code, yes, we got a code, you're not just getting a discount. You're getting the signature swing experience, which means $100 off per person, up to $200 per room, but it also means that we make time for you. An exclusive breakfast, lunch, cocktail hour, or one-hour and one time with us directly, plus more surprise benefits.
Here's something that's really unique. You could actually contribute by hosting a discussion or running a Skillshare. I know it's scary, but if you have something that you want to contribute, that's a big part of why this event is so special. Everyone there has something to bring to the table. All right, details. If you book before April 25th, you save $400. Plus, they gave us that special code that gets you an additional $200, and the special code is SWINGERU-VIP. So book through TicketForPlay.com forward slash Swinky. That's T-I-C-K-E-T, the number four, play.com forward slash S-W-I-N-K-Y.
And use our code at checkout. And you guys, if you have any questions about the event, the resort, or what to expect, just reach out. I mean, we're here for you. We're happy to help. So once again, TicketForPlay.com forward slash Swinky, the code SwingerU-VIP. We really want to see you there. Hi, I'm Ed. I'm Phoebe. And we're going to be talking with Toronto Unicorn today, finding out a little bit more about her and what she does and her neck of the woods because we're we're quite a bit south from her and things are a little different here than there.
And we'd like to find out, should we make a vacation up to Toronto and how much fun would it be?
to swinger university with ed and phoebe our podcast we started our podcast about three years ago now didn't really actively market it and where we're under you know the cover of no faces right and we decided in last year that we were just going to come out we checked our clauses with our work and we decided we're safe and you know what we value the community we've been part of this community for 10 years and we really want to bring more light and focus to monogamy and how people define their relationships in different ways. It's so diverse and it's so wonderful. And the community is amazing.
I mean, it's not just about the sex. People think swinger and it's all about sex, but it's not.
I mean mean it's there obviously but you you have this sense of freedom to be part of this greater community and feel and express the way you like to and do what you want there's there's just no like layer or curtains over you it's it's amazing i just love it so we really want to support the community and um you know start removing some of those you know negative stigmas on you know a marriage that doesn't look like you know a normal two-person marriage right between a man and a woman so um that's what we are doing with our podcast now trying to be and how do you feel with your faces out there and actually representing this community because i know i get the same sense of i feel a sense of pride representing this community or at least one face of it and so i want to get your take like do you ever do you regret about showing your face no not so far not so far but but we also have realized that we're not as big as a lot of other podcasts and we're growing we're growing pretty quickly now in the last year um so you know there's still opportunity for bad things to happen we just haven't seen them yet so far it's been really really positive it has been really positive yeah and that's fair right that's fair to say hey man so far so good but like you know we're like you know five miles down a long highway like let's see how this goes that's fair they also said i might regret like not having kids and stuff and i'm like well so far i don't but like maybe in my 80s but so far i don't i was told that also and and I have not regretted that either.
Yeah. Well, that's fantastic. I like, I just got familiar with your podcast recently. In fact, I just became familiar with podcasts in general recently. I had never really listened to any. And so then I created one without having a history of listening to them. So, you know, I am learning as I go. And so I did take a peek at yours. And I noticed that with yours, even though you're offering information in the same space, you guys come at it with a much more like I love the name university because it's like research. You come research.
When I heard Ed talk about the different materials and condoms, I was like like no one will ever expect this on my channel or my podcast because i would be like oh that's book smart shit i don't want that you know i'm more like you know you'll feel if it's earthy like you know so i talk differently than you do and everybody relates differently and so i found it to be really refreshing also nice yeah yeah we We try and keep it a little less nerdy than full nerd but yeah it is it's very very much research based and very much of an educational podcast but we like to have fun too and um not lose so much of the fun in the the message of what that podcast is about exactly exactly and and i like appealing to the logical mind you know the the reasons why and honestly a lot of the stuff that we present is out of my own frustrations of and experiences right i had to do all this research on condoms because i was having an issue with them so hence the deep dive into condom research We'll be right back.
experiences right i had to do all this research on condoms because i was having an issue with them so hence the deep dive into condom research yeah exactly and to be honest with you some of those things really matter when you explain the functional reasons the logical brain as you said you're connecting to somebody who might be otherwise completely lost how do i pick a fucking condom that one says mega that one says you know bam i don't know maybe i'm you know they're adults all marketing but to them they're like well i feel damn today maybe i'll take the wrong one right so exactly good help out there so and again you guys also do swinger cruises and lifestyle resorts i have never gone to one of those yet oh my gosh you should go now to clarify we we have we have been on oh let's see we've been on how many cruises now three four three three but we've never been to the big lifestyle resorts like in jamaica or Mexico.
But I will say we've interviewed about 80 people about them and we just can't pull the trigger because from where we live it's a big travel commitment it's a big cost commitment and for and you can't leave the resort and honestly i like to explore i'm an explorer and you know you can't do that so um and there's and they can they have their pros and cons and we have episodes and blogs on that too but we love the cruises because they're more affordable and you're like 3,000 people sometimes 6,000 people and you can find something for everybody it's it's like create your own vacation honestly it's amazing you would love it is it usually a full takeover of swinger lifestyle or sometimes it like a half halfsies no so the the whole boat is lifestyle friendly um there there's no civilians on board and other than the crew sorry i i'm coming from ground zero what does lifestyle friendly mean on a crew yeah yeah so there are people who are nudists and are just comfortable being around swingers so not everybody on the ship is an actual full swap swinger or soft swap swinger, but you're not going to mix your Disney crew with this crew.
You're not going to confuse this with a carnival fun line kind of a ship. It's definitely geared towards being naked, having naked fun with naked people. And when the ship is a mile from port, everyone can be naked at the pool. And until you get close to port again, you can be naked all day long at the pool. You can't be naked in the hallways. You have to wear a robe or bathing suit or, you know, whatever.
And, of course, in the but it's there's a lot of naked all the time and they have playrooms outside too so if you want to get it on in the breeze and the in the ship air it's crazy yeah it's pretty neat there's like lots of play areas can you have sex anywhere on this cruise pretty much okay can we talk about october for a second oh my god yeah i've been waiting for this we were invited to be guest speakers for two engagements on a six-star crystal cruise ship with 310 lifestyle couples and it sails from montreal to boston during the peak foliage season i'm super excited and honestly i'm really nervous yeah it's kind of a version of like a swinger ted talk that we're gonna have to do oh my god i know and more importantly if you know the brand it's llv luxury lifestyle vacations you may have seen them and they're sexy playmakers with their fun red hats this ship the crystal symphony is classy butler service for every single room michelin rated restaurants full spa clothing optional sensual playrooms like everything theme nights and international dj so it's luxury and nudity oh man this is gonna be great the bottom line is we want you there with us it's 310 couples and like all their vacations they book up fast they really do their vacations are extremely popular so please come with us and in order to find it all you have to do is go to our swingerlinks.com and look for the llv sensual voyage we hope you'll join us They have designated areas because they're staffed for your safety and then the staff make sure everything is clean and they change the sheets for you and they take care of the trash so it's actually really nice yeah wow i can imagine that that could feel like a very large boat at times but if you you have a bad hookup, it could feel like a small boat.
You're like, okay, well, we're stuck with these people in the same like nightlife every night, you know? So that actually brings me into the culture, right?
Of the spinner lifestyle is be careful where you step and how you step on people, because this is a very close knit community as many will learn learn some the hard way and so you really do want to make sure every encounter is respectful even if you don't want to see somebody again you know I've personally run into people over and over and over again that I didn't plan to see again so very very much so yes yes there's a lot of you know just a lot of social graces that you have to you know be aware of yeah yeah yes it's it's a new etiquette a new stuff it's a subculture that comes with almost its its own you know what's it called i guess bill of freedom i don't know what do you want to call it it's just we we come in this lifestyle you're expected to be non-judgmental towards others and accepting um and it's kind of like it's like these unwritten but written rules because like if you violate them like it's a serious thing but like so your podcast my content because i have a podcast and a youtube channel is really here to try and educate people so that they can be the biggest drive in this lifestyle they They're not going to fumble the ball and fuck up and lose their erection to a free condom that was one size too small.
If they follow us, they're going to be in better shape. Agreed? Agreed. Because those opportunities are very fleeting sometimes because the average swinger is really only in the lifestyle about 18 months. They get in and they get out. It's pretty rare that somebody stays in the community for years and years. Really? I didn't know that. Is that like a personal anecdote or is it something you've seen in your research? We have a really good friend who's a lifestyle promoter. She throws parties. She used to do it every month.
But she does three big events she gathers six to eight hundred people for every event three or four times a year and she's been doing this for 20 years and that's the the statistics that she gave us um when she sees the turnover it's it's pretty incredible yeah um because i know that for me um i've been in the lifestyle about three years now roughly so i i know what i see and what i don't see but i don't know what happens when they leave the club the sex club right it was like i see the happy swingers at the sex club but like i don't have to go home with them and have the feels you know so it's it's interesting to think that some people can they can spend a few years doing this and it doesn't mean that they're like forever life, you know, they're always swingers that they can actually just fluidly go in and out.
That's very, that's good for some people to hear. Yeah. And we talk about it from the standpoint that you can get to a point in the lifestyle where you're just not comfortable with it anymore, or, or it just, you know, it doesn't do anything for. And it's okay. You can change hobbies. You know, you don't have to stick with it just because you started down the path. And how you play can drastically change from month to month to year to year. So, you know, make it what is comfortable for you. When you say how you play could change, can you explain?
you may start off we started off soft swap because full swap was too intimidating didn't know what was really going to happen and we quickly you know moved into full swap after a few experiences because it really didn't seem like that was a difficult transition it really seemed kind of natural and it also depends on your situation and the couple you're with right and so now we gosh we're in it about 10 years and I'm growing comfortable with just watching and watching was very difficult for me in the very beginning.
And now with the right couple in the right environment, you know, there are certain parties that there are familiar faces and the environment's familiar. And I'm comfortable in that environment where I can just sit back and eat popcorn and watch and have sex with somebody. And that's totally fine. I'm loving it. And so that that's very new to me in the last six months. So, that's kind of cool and new. And I didn't think I was bi either. And so, now I define myself as bi. I'm enjoying more woman experiences. And I'm really wanting to seek that out.
Like'm i'm i'm actively wanting to have those more of those experiences i've had enough dick i think i just want some more pussy wow i do have to say that most women i know who have identified as straight changed when they entered the lifestyle but like for example i have i was i had never had even an interest in women and then now i you know i like pussy like the best of them i don't know it happened quickly um you know and my friend r who i feature on my youtube channel straight woman has never had she she said that she had a phobia of the vagina she's like it's just like i don't want to go in there like she's just no anyway she found herself in a kind of like a throuple situation with another woman and another guy they all are into each other individually and as a group and she's like into this specific woman and she's like what the fuck like what the fuck like i was straight you know and she's like what does this mean and i was like you know what it doesn fucking mean anything.
Because once we stop putting ourselves in these little tiny boxes, and we instead pursue like a lifestyle of hedonistic pleasure or hedonism, suddenly, we don't have to keep defining what pleasure currently is to us. We can just say that we've decided to seek a life of pleasure, a life of pleasure. And we don't keep changing what that means to us, you know? Oh, yeah, I like that. We don't have to.
We just decide to seek a life of pleasure I like that yeah yeah I had that identity crisis years ago and you know you the the definitions of you know oh gosh I'm bi from the waist up I'm bi from the waist down or I'm bi selectively bi or blah you know and the definition on the profile changed so many times and then finally I just said oh screw it I'm just gonna say I'm by and and really honestly took one of my friends to say you know just because you uh like women you find them attractive and you and you enjoy kissing them and fondling their breasts and and whatever else that you find pleasurable doesn't mean you're into all women so don't put pressure on yourself like you go to a party and just because you have identify that or you've got that on your profile that all of a sudden every woman's going to be attractive and that you need to get with every woman and because she's like you don't want to get with every man and I go no she's like well there you go and for some reason once that she said it the pressure was lifted lifted off.
And I was like, all right, I'm free. It has to be here. Yeah. Well, what I found interesting is most of my female friends in the lifestyle, I don't I don't play with. You're just the girl that fuck beside me. You know, and so I'm also bi, but I'm like, I'm not going to be bi with you.
I'll be bi with her, but I'm not with with you so it's just funny how how much at the beginning I thought it was so much about sex but you can exist as a person in this lifestyle and have your sexual contribution be secondary you know yeah yeah right I really love our community and and so much of sexuality is is fluid from day to day from event to You know, sometimes you just don't feel sexy and or you don't feel that anybody else is sexy, which is often the case. So, you know, it's OK to just hang out and have a drink and have sexy conversation. Maybe not tonight, but maybe next time.
So you kind of leave the door open. And I think that's the thing that we really enjoy about the lifestyle is it's okay. Whatever thing you have, whatever sexuality you have at the moment, at that time, everybody's going to be like, cool.
good for you yeah it's true very true i could be like i've decided to be you know a moth diver today like you know people will be like okay great like want any help like you know do any tips you know people really don't judge and it's like that's what happens when you give people a blank slate you know of of judgment free arena and you can play where you want suddenly they want to play in places they didn't know they wanted to play in oh for sure i happen i happen to mention this almost everywhere i go because it's so important but every straight man also that or identified man has also confessed to me that they have either already sucked dick or they want to suck dick I have found I like to say it this way like there's usually just one male exception that I have uh that has never really confided in me that that has been something he wants but the the what I'm finding is the more sexuality becomes more comfortable and the more group dynamics come suddenly it's so much it's not so much about that it's a sexual organ it's john's penis instead of a dick you know it's just like you're you're allowed to touch and make moaning sound you know and it just becomes guys i'm telling you that they they are just as fluid as we are when we join this lifestyle the more the more you go judge them you know and i just love it to love to see it because i feel bad for even you know being closeted or or helping the closeted feeling any amount of my life because that time is over you know and it's time to to get out and live your life so i agree i agree it's time to explore i know i want to know about toronto so i am uh you know in the sex positive lifestyle downtown toronto which is in canada uh very cold in the winter but uh we have uh luckily about five or four or five different sex clubs in the same um i would say 20 30 minute drive yeah so we're very fortunate um to the point where we're like like what mood are you in do you want to dance or do you want to be in a spa like we have those kind of problems to decide which sex club vibe we're into that night right so i feel like you know we're feasting where are you from what state california and we're in sacramento okay well i know many swingers in california but it sounds like you just don't have the clubs right yeah in in our particular county in sacramento we are not allowed to have sex clubs as a matter of fact strip clubs won't even allow you to serve alcohol at the same time so if there's naked boobies or full nudity, there is no alcohol.
Yeah, it sucks. And that is also true in the county where San Francisco is. Yeah. Yeah. Most strip clubs are pretty limited in terms of what you can do. But in terms of swing clubs, Sacramento County will not allow any kind of sex clubs. But San Francisco does get away with it. We have one club there called Twist. It's quite popular because it's pretty much the only game in town. Yeah, we like that club. It's nice. They have a DJ. They have food. They have a little fireplace in there.
They have a stripper pole, dance floor, and these this locker room that is kind of in the middle where you transition from the dance floor and the bar area and of course it's byob and then you you put your stuff in the lockers and you put on a towel and you head to the playroom and it's like a sultan's oh gosh bedroom there's the floors are just covered with you know nice beds and sheets and and stuff and there's curtains and the lighting is all moody and sexy it's fabulous and it's it's very popular Here's why we sail on Virgin. It's adults only. No kids screaming at breakfast.
No family buffet lines. Just champagne at noon. Late night pool parties and people who actually want to be there. The vibe? Think boutique hotel that happens to float. Tattoo parlors, drag brunch, restaurants you'd actually pay for on land. Plus, when you're looking to connect with other couples who know how to have fun, let's just say Virgin attracts a very specific type of adventurous. No wonder Breadcruisers here, just your people. Fantastic. Well, we have like five. So I'll tell you my favorite one is Oasis Aqua Lounge. It's downtown Toronto.
It is a kind of a taken over old mansion with three floors.
And it has this outdoor heated pool open all year round and so i was there you know twice this week already and the steam would just be rising off our bodies to the point where i was like look i'm an angel because the steam and like when you're making out in the steam like it is just fantastic it is spectacular and then you go in there's a sauna a hot tub there's multiple floors different playrooms a dungeon they have spectator sex you know so there's lots of lots to do so that's where i like to go the most we also have uh the x club nyx lounge and m4 which are more dance club type of um there's no pool there's no spa and there's they all have a different feel to them so some of them are nightclub dance clubs with a back room uh some of them are more swinger social clubs and m4 i find to be a bit more in your face intense uh in terms of they have like structured three or four hour events and then they close the club they clean it for like a couple hours and they open it for another structured time and so that's different than oasis oasis you pay for all day you go you in and out people leave for dinner go back it's relaxing at m4 you're there for a gangbang retreat essentially you know so it's whatever you're in the mood for if you need to get you know something quick maybe that's that's the mood you're in but so luckily just in case any of your listeners don't know, or viewers, I have done some video tours of all of these clubs in Toronto and the surrounding area.
And I put them on YouTube so that everybody can see the inside of these clubs, including the play areas when they were closed.
Because honestly, I is, how could you not take a peek, you know, and there's glory holes, there's female glory holes at Club M4, where you can stick your ass stick your ass pussy in at one side and just you know wait for something to happen on the other it's just it's fantastic to see the variety that's offered so as a single woman in the lifestyle i'm able to go to these clubs with my friends we get dressed up and dance sometimes so it's just kind of like normal clubbing life but with the you know the elevated level of sex positive and we don't feel judged anymore we don't feel judged by our bodies and so we i shake it as if there's no jiggle where there shouldn't be jiggle and it doesn't matter because it's finally you know you take the benefits of the sex positive swinger lifestyle which is the accepting environment and you add that into you know now you're clubbing and now i'm dancing on a stripper pole like i give zero shit how it looks you know yeah before i might be more self-conscious now this time i'm just letting my hair fly so i love yeah so that i would say that's culture in toronto well how about you know how it sounds very safe sounds like you're having a great time with your friends and so then is the And I'll see you next time.
culture in toronto well how about you know how it sounds very safe sounds like you're having a great time with your friends and so then is the single male element not rude are they very respectful do you have to worry about that someone so many people are concerned about that dynamic in the club talk about some of that so every club has different rules about single men, but the most part there's usually nights of the week where they're not allowed so for a waist sock lounge they're not allowed fridays or saturdays um and so it's just couples and single women those nights then there's other nights where men are allowed but they might not be allowed on the third floor of oasis which is basically where all the sex happens unless they're with somebody partner like of the opposite sex so there's even if they're allowed in the club they're still not allowed in certain spaces and that's because when you do allow single men into all of the club those are what we call dtf nights and they walk around holding their dick watching everyone and not everyone's in the mood for that so you know we kind of keep those two very intense nights let the single men roam free those nights and then you know give me a little more eye contact the next time i hang out here you know so i love the theme nights though but one of the most surprising things you will learn about sex clubs is that the single women from i'm a single woman and I have single women friends and there is consensus okay we do not like sex clubs when single men are not allowed because the amount of attention we get when it's just couples in us is insufficient I went to unicorn night three days Night, pussy was shaved.
I was in the right mood. I came home empty-handed. Think about that. Single woman wearing a unicorn horn on Unicorn Night. No one asked for sex. Wild. Oh, my gosh. I would have said no because I would need more connection, but still no one asked, you know? I'm telling you, this is why we go when single men are there. So even if you're a couple looking for a unicorn, go on nights when single men are there. Thank you.
still no one asked you know um i'm telling you this is why we go when single men are there so even if you're a couple looking for a unicorn go on nights when single men are there that's where they are because we don't want to work so fucking hard i don't want to have to go through one woman just to get a dick i can get a dick on my own you know right that makes sense and well what's a little surprising about that is the whole name unicorn came about from the rarity, like the impossible, you know, hunt.
And yet here you were, gorgeous unicorn walking around a club and nobody was trying to bang you. Like, well, there was probably somebody, but you clearly went home empty handed, so to speak.
wow yeah that's interesting and it's not a fluke i have a youtube video because i vlog about going to sex club i don't know if you guys if you're viewers or even you know that i actually vlog every time i go to a sex club before i say what i'm nervous about whatever or who i'm meeting and then i show the after and sometimes it's a good night sometimes it's not a good night but i have gone to many unicorn nights some were fantastic and some i titled the video was it unicorn or third wheel night oh let's just say there's a little bit of a misconception about how unicorns are our approach and maybe it's because with maybe a ratio of five unicorns for her 50 to 70 couples maybe no one thinks it's worth their effort because there's so much competition therefore no one fucking asks like i have people who are friendly and inquire if i was open to to playing like later or whatever but no one had on me no i was okay here's the other thing that kind of was weird i had a couple i knew who i might sleep with and a couple that i that were viewers to my channel and i had introduced them as a potential match because i'm a matchmaker in the club and i thought hmm i could be with both of them so i could have a fives them like i'm leveling up here you know and what's funny is it fell apart it It fell apart.
Both couples hooked up, but with different people. And I was left with fucking nothing in my vagina. And I was like, okay, I went home empty handed. Oh, such a drag. Us unicorns can strike out too.
That's so interesting because I keep hearing over and over and over again how couples start off with a third and the third is usually a woman and so i guess i don't know it's got to be hit and miss i i wonder if either the dynamic in the lifestyle has changed over time from like when we first started where that was really the the thing or or it's just too intimidating to walk up to an attractive single woman and make that connection. Like maybe everybody feels safer behind a keyboard making that connection. Yeah.
That's the thing about the lifestyle too is you really have to grow into your confidence. We did that as well. If you're an an introvert we both identify as introverts but we've learned to be amniverts and we have to turn it on it's it's almost like I step into an acting job it's not but it's it's not who I really am 24 7 right prefer to be quiet and then to myself. But in the right social setting, I need a lot of activity, a lot of stimulation to bring me up because it's very, a lot of social interaction can be depleting.
So, if there's not a lot of music, a lot of people, I have to feed off of that. Maybe I'm a social vampire. I don't know what you call that. But it's draining. And so, I've learned to adapt, right? Because you have to. It's a social environment. You have to be able to do that and ask for what you want. I never used to ask for what I want. I got tired of having shitty sexual experiences. And I was like, screw that. I'm going to say, do this. I want that. Harder, faster, slower. Flip me over. Because we're there to have a pleasurable experience.
And if you can't ask for what you want, you're going to be disappointed. Because someone once said a long time ago you're in charge of your own orgasm right so the lifestyle has really taught me to be very confident be more of an extrovert and to ask for what i want and to learn what you want i know yes then fulfill their fantasies i was like so what can i hook you up with and they're like i'm like well do you like I'll see you next time.
and to learn what you want i know yes them to fill their fantasies i was like so what can i cook yet with and they're like i'm like well do you like rough sex they're like what do you mean like not everyone some people know yeah but the look on of the of the look of pondering on people's faces when you ask them what they like in sex is confusing to me because i'm like wow we've got so far to go still um but yes but then when we land the play they're like okay i want this and i want to be touched and i want to be you know reaffirmations i don't want to grading like they can be clear then i do my little hustle thingy which again is not for money i do this for promo whatever for what does that work pro bono pro bono pro boner i like that um right so i basically match make out these clubs and my my friends i help them have gang bangs and stuff on the dts at the sex club they're down to fuck night um and so i got their order i'm like okay so you want you know you want to be choked you want you to be called a dirty whore like so one girl, and I'm telling you, I had so much going on that I had to go to whiteboard, because I would have to write down one girl's rules, limits, whatever on one side, and then turn it around, the other one says no anal, call her a whore, like, you know, the other what they want, and I would literally set this whiteboard up and greet men with the, you know, onboarding that they needed to be invited into the gangbang, and I would it i would make sure condoms were used and uh the exact experience they they wanted so this is so cool wait so then where did this take place in the club or in a like at a hotel that you arranged it started with my drive spell you know like i was not getting any and i was looking around i was like yeah you could just help you know you see something you know that you're like i'm an extrovert right i'm somebody who's like a matchmaker you know i could do this and so i'm like if only that person would talk to that person or you know and so now i wasn't having sex i didn't have sex for a few months and i was still going to the clubs regularly.
And so I would be using my time to help my friends fucking stuff. But I got so much fulfillment out of it. Like truly enjoyed watching and helping and facilitating. Because I also taught them how to, I don't want to sound like I have an ego, but how to be better at sex for themselves too.
And so one of the examples i was because i lean over these situations i'm part of them at the scene even if i'm not touching and so sometimes i'll say to the to the woman you know are you enjoying it and i'm like make sure you let him know that right because if she's sitting there not saying anything the guy's not getting any feedback i'm like the voice i'm the third wheel i'mseat driver being like, hey, have you said his dick feels nice yet? Because I haven't heard it. And then she's like, oh, it feels good, right? And then I'm like, you know, is he doing a good job eating you out?
And she's like, you know, I'm like, what could he do differently? Oh, a little more pressure. And so he's like, oh, yeah? So I'm like, okay, she's learning how to ask for what she wants. And she's also giving him or her the opportunity to deliver, which is always a hard thing for these people without a map, you know? We'll see you next time.
ask for what she wants and he's and she's also giving him or her the opportunity to deliver which is always a hard thing for these people without a map you know so that's so cool i like what you're doing that's i'm you're marketing this right as a service because i think this is really important you're like sex coach with um gosh that was the other word you just call yourself a sex catalyst yeah you just kicked the party off she's like also like a boner and pussy whisperer too that too she's like and here's the fun part i also have it i who i dominate in the middle of these scenes that i run so one of them is a woman named i call her miss gila valentine she's in a male-female partnership and sometimes they come to the club together and she wants a gangbang and her husband and her boyfriend wants to either watch or help participate and so i'll pick the men i'll you know run the thing but then i'll walk in and I'll grab her hair and are you being a good girl for them and I'll like shove her head on their dick and make them you know all me I'm like don't don't be gentle with her like I'll walk around and be like make sure you treat her like a sweater she won't feel good tonight like I literally mental fuck like mental psychology mental mind fucks to be like giving them the psychological shit that they asked for like not that i don't call her a slut she wants me to call her a slut exactly you know so i was like getting so much fulfillment out of literally just pushing her pulling her hair like slapping her ass like i would finger her while she was like taking a bunch of men's dicks in their mouth and at one point i heard her talking and i said if i can hear you speaking you're not sucking dick so like that was her clue to get back on the dick because i wasn't there to you know have a mediocre slut i was there to offer up a high class slut and so that's how i would treat her in front of people right because we have this dynamic where this is just how it goes right i'm not a horrible person i just we have this dynamic so yeah there's so much more to it sometimes than just for me watching and helping match make sometimes i'm in the middle of it nice yeah yeah it's like sexual fantasy island yeah i'm like a sexual fantasy consultant maybe or like you know like how do you because i can give advice for example here's a great example uh somebody i know in the lifestyle confessed after some reluctance you know reluctant their fantasy and they said don't worry i've asked my husband to go make sure it happens and so she told me what it was and i was like oh that's that it can't happen that way i'm sorry it can't happen that way what you know she wanted to be alone she wanted to be standing in the sex club and she wanted a man to come up behind her and not say anything to her and like grab her finger her whatever don't and I was like honey they don't have consent well he can get no your husband can't get consent so you would need to have a consensual discussion maybe in the hallway with some people give them your fantasy let them come discover you I'm like that's the the only way that this would be and i said if you otherwise tried you may go home with not getting fucked and not know why and it's not because you're not attractive it's because people don't want to go to jail like people don't want to be like oh i'm gonna is that the right girl that i'm supposed to walk up to and just finger is that one or that one you know no no no one's gonna do that hopefully so i like to help people because sometimes their fantasies are their fantasies.
But when you try to actually bring them to life, they don't see the, I would call them workflow issues. Yeah. I have a workflow analyst by day, so I'm a fantasy director by day. Right. But yeah, it's one of those things where I like to help because I want them to have those fantasies and they don't know the barrier they can't. That's fabulous. And I've heard several podcasts try husbands coordinate gang bangs for their women. And it is work. I mean, there is some definite coordination to that. And I commend you for doing that for others because that's fabulous.
fabulous i mean they get to show up for the fantasy and they don't have to do, you know, all that vetting. And that's planning. That's pretty nice. Here's an extra element that I didn't mention yet, but I actually have a very word this, but I come across on my whole YouTube channel with a very like an admiration and respect for men. I studied women's studies in university and wrote papers on how men were oppressed under patriarchy because it's also worth mentioning, not just the other side. Right.
And so I have always been in this lifestyle to represent the single man as well and their needs and their issues, too.
And so when I i run a scene i have hard limits for my for the people i help because they have hard limits no anal right whatever my hard limit is that i'm not there to ruin anyone's night and if someone is not welcome at a gangbang there's polite ways to disinvite them we're not going to embarrass anybody if their dick doesn't work like i say this to the people and they consent before i'll continue because these are real people real guys that have shown up to take a chance and i see the nervousness and vulnerability in them where maybe other people don't. Yeah. Right.
before I'll continue because these are real people real guys that have shown up to take a chance and I see the nervousness and vulnerability in them where maybe other people don't right and I'm an empath to I feel it right and so for me I want those men no matter if their dick fails them or not to feel supported to feel invited and that they were part of something fun and not that they are you know I'm not gonna lie i've seen people discard men in the middle of a scene because their dick went down oh you don't even you can you can imagine that that happens because they have a you know your dick's now we need a new dick we need a new dick anyway that you know i understand but that poor person now is going to go home with that feeling sure of being worth nothing more than his erection right right and so i just i i couldn't i couldn't facilitate something like that so for me i like that it's really well balanced on all of the sides as well and i also ask the men what is it that you like do you want to come in her you know do you want to come in her mouth are you looking for something to come down her throat like let me match you up because it's it's the guys are there for something too too.
Yeah. Wow. I love that. Nobody does that. Checking calendar and travel trips to Toronto. If you do come to Toronto, I would be happy to facilitate whichever scene you could come up with. But I would have to be able to weigh in on the night that you show up. Because you can't have a gangbang on like a random Monday. You won't have enough supplies. Yeah, you got to have the right players in the club to make something like that happen for sure. So one of the clubs is a spa and like scenario. The other one is more of a get down, get busy, you know, and, you know, every three or four hours.
And then they have to clean it for the next group of people that come in. What about, there's three more clubs, right? Hey there, podcast listeners. You've been tuning into our episodes, but have you ever wondered about the steamy details of our, or maybe hungry for some sultry, erotic stories? Well, guess what? We've got something special just for you. Our exclusive Patreon page. It's like a VIP pass to the saucier side of our world.
So if you're ready for an exclusive behind-the-mic experience, head over to our Patreon page now us this is where the magic happens see you there patrons yeah so then there's nyx lounge and the x club which are similar and that they are you know they have a nice dj uh there, a bar, you know, lounge area. And then X Club, they have the back room where you have to go change, you know, get your street clothes, change into either lingerie, make it a towel, whatnot. And then you can go into the back play area. NYX Lounge is similar.
There is some play areas amongst the crowd above them, but you can them that's different than the other one otherwise they're kind of similar um i would say and club m4 sometimes has a dance floor but sometimes you show up and that whole part of the club's closed so like it's a it's hit or miss when the dance floor is even open well so yeah so those are the ones that i have been to i could describe yeah are the dance are the uh playrooms all equally nice and clean and all that um they're not all equally private i mean that's what's interesting is is nyx lounge all the beds have these curtain thingies that you could just close like it's like your princess bed right and i i you don't have that privacy at oasis o, there is no privacy unless you reserve the fourth floor private room, which is first come, first served, you know?
And so otherwise, there's no privacy. You're in sight of people. I like that though. So most of the clubs are, yeah, that makes sense. Twist isn't private like that. It has a few cubbies, so to speak, where you can do private things.
But but for the most part it's all out in the open which is what we love we're exhibitionists so that fits the bill for for us so yeah i have to mention one thing about the introvert so i i met some introverted people at the club the other day and i was just me i was my own comedian self and i was talking about how i can't wait to do a video on how the introverts can survive at a sex club and I hid myself behind the curtain and I was like you can watch from behind the curtain like I was like you don't have to socialize because it's a real struggle right like introverts have a real struggle to be around all of this stuff but but the thing that helped us the most was to just keep going and eventually the environment started to become more comfortable because the scene was comfortable it became predictable the crowd became predictable and with that level of comfort then i could relax and be you know more open and more you know more extroverted and and the the number one kind of trick or tip that we throw out for new swingers or people who are maybe going for the first time to some new environment is introduce yourself to at least one couple, at least one couple.
That's your commitment for the night.
And what it does, it forces you to break the ice and start the ball rolling because once you've had that conversation you loosen up a little bit you have some fun and then you go oh there's another cute couple and I've already done this one so I kind of feel okay and then you go and have more fun I did video tours of all the sex clubs and I actually mentioned on some of my videos about you need to know where you can cry if you're a girl and you need a moment you need to know if there's a spot where you could go and like have a moment because i've cried for a few reasons not related to necessarily anything at the club but if you're having an anxiety attack if you're an introvert and need to get that a minute away i feel like that's the kind of stuff that would help with on my channel to be like these are the clubs that i recommend if you're introverted because there is privacy and there is quiet spaces right or versus the other ones that don't so yeah this is a good topic i'll probably bring up and when i do it you'll know it's a bit of a wink to you guys awesome i did just start my own podcast which is called sex and swinging with toricorn.
It's on all of the same streaming sites, I'm sure that you guys are. And basically, I am using it as a way to walk people through the swinger lifestyle from my single woman perspective, in a really, I would say, hopefully, vulgarly charming way. I'm not your, you know, polished, book smart kind of girl. I, I am university educated, but I talk street smart and that is how I roll. So that's how I, that's how I educate.
And, uh, and I hope people check out the podcast as well as my YouTube channel and see what it's like to actually live day to day as a swinger when I show my life up through blogs and story time videos. Some of them that have gotten my channel strikes. Yeah. Nice. Nice.
I just got out of YouTube jail today because I was, i was in jail again for a week oh no no that's when you know you're doing a good job yeah and that's when i know i need to go to a fucking podcast so that i can effing swear you know what i'm saying absolutely but yeah so trainingyourfriend.com has all of my links so i want to ask you guys some stuff now you ready yeah so did you start with a woman between you did you have a no that was way too threatening i for everybody it's like the thing but for me that was like oh heck no that that was like i am not comfortable with any other woman being with my man and because i wasn wasn't identifying as bi, you know, it wasn't comfortable for me.
So, we just started off as, you know, same room soft swap with, you know, actually, it was more like a same room, same bed with a little, you know, touching touched you would have to ask you know can i touch your boob you know right so it was very progressive for the first i don't know four or five experiences but then once we kind of figured that out it was it was no turning back yeah. And now you do full swap stuff, right? Mm-hmm. Yes. Yeah. But we also really love soft swap. And we know a lot of couples that will only play unless you're a full swap couple.
We don't care because there's so many fun things you can do without penetrative sex. I mean, the menu is vast of those experiences. And for me, it's about the pleasure. It's not about penetration. So, I mean, I can have a really great time without penetration.
So it's, you know we we never take that off the table and that's what's so great with the lifestyle is that you can as long as you're up front about what you're looking for you don't have to be on a you don't have to be apologetic about it you can just match with people who are where you're at and what you're looking for what you're looking for and uh and that's why i don't shame any in any of the couples for all their rules even though the s sass in my voice, when you hear my podcast talks about, especially episode six, I think it's called how to be safe emotionally and physically in the lifestyle.
How can you, how can you possibly let your husband or fuck someone out? Like, like I'll talk about it. How could you do it?
And so what I, one of the, one of the phrases I said is, you know, people come in with in with all these rules right about no kissing you know no penetration whatever and i and i i like to say it as a single woman i said well you know i would never want to join a couple who had a no kissing rule for example because to me that just screams of insecurity and i don't want to feel like i'm joining an ounce of insecurity i want to be cherished invited i want a red carpet rolled straight to the dick you know i want to feel completely cherished as a guest and not oh it you know this whole no but that whole no fuck off it's all or nothing that's how i feel i'm you know i i get i come a bit unapologetic about it but it's because I've learned also that as a as a single woman unicorn I've had I've had in the middle of sex somebody decline to kiss me when I went to kiss them because they had decided that they didn't like that and didn't want to and again everyone learns where their boundary is and that's fine but learning that or taking that away from was like, yeah, I don't want to feel like I'm only, you know, wanted for one hole.
Right. Right. You know, so I guess for me, that wasn't a match. But yeah. Yeah, it's, it's, I think the most challenging part is that when you're, when you're still experiencing things and trying to navigate through and figure out, do I like this? Do I like that? And the rules change and the boundaries can change so quickly. It almost felt like we were constantly updating our profile.
And at one point, you know, even though we advocate for making your profile as current as it can be, shit changed so fast, you know, and so people will read the profile and they're like, well, I thought you were into this. Well, you know, that changed last week with the last experience and now I'm into this, right? So, like, that's where the communication comes in and almost honestly, meeting meeting people face to face and having that communication. What do you like that? That's, you know, that's your elevator speech right there. Don't rely on the profile. This is what I want.
This is what I'm into. And you go from there because they're right there. Right. And you have that communication right there. We have had a few bait and switch situations where, you know, we think they're all on board. And then all of a sudden we get back to the room and the woman's like, oh, no, I just want to watch. And you're like, wait, what? So poor Ed is now lounging on the bed watching me. And we're like, wait, we didn't sign up for that scenario.
so not that i didn't enjoy watching her but it would have been nice to have had a little more interaction yeah yeah so as a result you know once we discovered that that nothing was going to be going on with with the other woman and ed i'm like oh heck no i'm like okay i'm cutting this short like because i didn't want ed to feel left out right and of course i'm like wait a minute what what happened with this transaction here so we're like okay i'm done i've seen some bisexual women uh only it's only happened once in front of me but basically she went for a couple solely to have the woman without telling the man that just wouldn't acknowledge him in the threesome just was like you know and i just felt terrible for the guy like i was like oh my god like that's i feel bad for the from the unicorn side to a for somebody to selfishly do that uh that's not fair like he just wanted to eat pussy that badly i guess but um but that's still like that's that's not ethical like you know what i mean that's not consensual when you're coming in i want to join the two of you but you know you get the fuck you sit over there your dick's not welcome i would not like that either yeah and um i i i'm sorry go ahead i'm reading about that a lot on the facebook groups that tends to happen a lot um and it's it's really frustrating and i guess i mean we did encounter some of that too what what's been the most challenging hands down is meeting people online you go for a coffee date or a drink date or whatever kind of dinner date thing.
And it just never plays out. You spend all that time getting ready, get all worked up. You think the communication was great. You get there and it's wah-wah or they change their mind or there's a bait and switch or whatever. And I'm like, you know what? Screw that. I'm done with that. I'm just going to meet the person in real life. I can read their nonverbal communication. I can flirt with them. I can give them the kissing test. And if they pass, then we're on. But if not, you know what, there's 60 other people here at this party that, you know, are potentially available.
And so then you just move to the next one. And then you're like, you know, your night's not ruined.
And hopefully you you can have, you know, the experience that maybe you are we're looking for it's that's what i love about clubs is as everyone who's online with a profile who is within vicinity of a club i'm like get out get offline go to the fucking club because those people also are there to have sex with people on the same night they have a babysitter maybe they have you know they've shown up to the same physical location right wanting the same thing you will never statistically have better odds than that and so that's why even if you don't like the couple that you meet well then you go to the bar and you talk to a different couple you have statistically the most incredible odds at sex clubs even just to network with other people and one of the other places that i network that i hope that you guys even you know hopefully i see you on there one day i should also mention i have been i have never been paid by oasis to promote them or anything along those lines i just love it it just changed my life and i give them a lot of free promotion but basically they have a virtual platform that was created out of the pandemic and lived on and so um when they closed the sex clubs in in canada we had this virtual space where people were we were all really reluctant at first we show up we turn on our webcams and it was literally a bunch of swingers in their bedrooms and you can see people fuck and we were like it's virtual swinging there's virtual swinging and at first we're like who the fuck would do virtual swinging but when you don't have the other alternative in front of you it's better than nothing than no swinging and so there's something about even just networking with people in the lifestyle going on camera if you're an exhibitionist you know even just jerking your camera off in front of an audience some people really enjoy that now there's a place where you can do that and you don't get blocked you know you don't have to do that on my instagram feed everybody or my dm so it's one of those things the virtual swing our space has been a great a place of community and connection for me too and you guys don't have a club near you that's like sex clubs but hopefully you guys can at least find some virtual spaces to connect because seeing someone seeing somebody on camera like even a discord chat or something if they're in your area then you already have a head start who cares what their profile says if you've got chemistry a bit you know in a way you're like okay as long as you've got the charm off the camera there's less work to do in person you know oh yeah yeah that sounds fun yeah maybe we'll give that a try hmm yeah and then i have questions for you guys as a couple huh you guys have been together 10 years but swinging for roughly three you said podcasting for three swinging for gosh nine years nine or ten yeah oh i got that backwards okay um so i would love to know how you keep it safe how you feel safe being a swinger and sharing and evolving because you said you went from soft swap to to who fox as long as i got my popcorn i can watch it's fine that's like that's evolution yeah i want to know how do you feel safe and how do you continue to feel safe and also any tips that you have that maybe you learned the hard way or whatnot that you could pass along for a new couple that might help them be successful?
Safe. You know, safety, our community is really great. I've never not felt safe. I've felt nervous in the beginning because I didn't know what to expect and I thought people were going to attack me, but no one ever did. There's always security at every house party that we go to and any kind of um club that's you know or we didn't really have a club there was kind of a sort of a club here on the down low but they always had security too but i guess the bottom line is everyone that runs a house party here always has someone at the front door.
And if the party's really big, they have someone roaming around the party, too, to make sure everyone's safe. They take care of make sure they take care of people that have been drinking too much. They don't let them drive home drunk. You know, it's it's nice. It's great. It's just kind of a known fact that you, you just have someone watching over the crowd so that everyone, you know, feels safe and everyone kind of behaves, right? Yeah. But. And can I drill in and ask specifically, how do you feel safe as an introvert? How do you feel safe as a in your relationship to expand and be a swimmer?
Yeah, I think a lot of the safety that we kind of feel with each other in terms of being comfortable playing, exposing our relationship to new experiences and potentially things that can risk the marriage right like i think that's a lot of people's concern is and and one of our concerns very early on which was is this going to break us like is this going to tear us apart are we going to lose that special thing that we had by doing this and we thought about it and most of kind of the guardrails that we put up with with our relationship were being comfortable talking about anything no matter how you're feeling or or what you're going through you have to be able to bring it up and you have to be comfortable with talking about it.
So creating, in a sense, a safe space for both people to express their feelings, express their lusts, and have the other person be open to hearing about it. And it worked really well for us. We used to sit in the backyard. We'd have a little bonfire going in our little fire pit, sit there with a little glass of whiskey and have long conversations about how we were feeling and how that last event went and how she felt about some interaction that we'd had with a couple.
and we worked through so many of our feelings and our anxieties insecurities yeah yeah I mean I would always ask Ed after every event so was her pussy tight like what did it feel different he's like I didn't really notice he's like you know it wasn't any tight or loose then, you know, normal. He's like, it was just different. But I always asked him that because that was my insecurity, right? Someone's going to feel better, right? Like, I'm going to be less than, you know?
And then there were certain types of people that I was like, no, just based on like, just the way they way they looked I'm like she's out and for some reason and I didn't necessarily have a reason it was just like the way she looked I'm like no or the way she approached us or the way she approached so if a woman was very aggressive and very flirty and she didn't engage with me first I was very threatened by that and I didn't like that. And so, I learned from that and I thought, oh, gosh, you know, I don't want to make sure I don't make somebody else feel like that. So, trial and error.
And then, you know, Ed always made me feel very comfortable and safe by his just acceptance and constantly being there. And I would say to him time and time again, I know what I'm saying isn't going to make any sense. Logically, I know, you know, X, Y, Z, but my emotional side is going A, B, C, right?
I know this doesn't sound like, and I would have this, just this, these weird disconnects of, I had a really great time, but now the next day my brain's going, oh, you couldn't have had a great time because that doesn't fit with your upbringing and that doesn't fit with this social setting and that doesn't fit with this rule brick and all this stuff.
And so then the next day I'd have all this fallout from all the programming that you know I just grew up with and then so I had to go through and just remember like yeah but last night you were fine you had a great time right yeah okay so then now you're just mentally fucking yourself with all the rules and bs you grew up with. So there was a bit of that to just try and shed the, you know, deprogramming of things that, you know, it's not okay to feel great. It's not okay to prance around naked in front of people. It's not, right? All that baloney, right?
It's just, it was was insidious and then the other thing that really made me mad was like I had been in therapy for years like in my 20s my whole 20s was just therapy after therapy after therapy because my life was effed and I didn't really start living my life till I was 30s and I was like good I'm good I. I'm like, I graduated. I'm like, I finally got life figured out. And then we start swinging and I'm like, what's this shit coming back up again? I'm like, good. So, again, but you know what? I like the challenge because I like growth. I don't like being confined.
I don't like having judgments. I don't like having, you know, I'm always constantly trying to figure out, why did that trigger me? Maybe I should look at that because otherwise it just bugs me. It just sits and stews and I don't like that. Yeah. And like one of the pieces of advice that I'll give to new swingers is you don't know what you're going to enjoy. You don't know what's going to scare you until you actually try it. Yeah. And like one of the pieces of advice that I'll give to new swingers is you don't know what you're going to enjoy.
You don't know what's going to scare you until you actually try it. But you have to be comfortable pulling the ripcord and saying, time out. I need to back out of this. We need to talk about this and do it gracefully, right? Just go, I need to get a glass of water, honey. Will you come with me? And then go offline, go talk about it, figure it out on your own. But it's okay to have an oh shit moment and have to talk about it. That's okay. And it's okay to say, I wasn't comfortable with this or I was actually really comfortable with this and I wanted to keep going further.
But we had this rule, I wasn't supposed to kiss the unicorn, but I really want to kiss the unicorn. Or what happens if someone forgets and then, you know, the kids have, oh shit, what happens then? Right. Right. So there's, there's sensitivities here too. Yeah. Yeah. And it's important to respect each other's rules and boundaries. Right. And not to blow past them. We were just reading about a couple where the the husband was constantly doing things that he wasn't supposed to.
And of course, the general advice from for most of the people in the forum were time to time to get out like that's not OK. And people make mistakes in the heat of the moment. You know, you're turned on. Your brain's not fully working. I mean, the other brain's working full time. So, like, give each other a break. Sometimes somebody's going to step out and do something that's not okay. And in the moment it was a, it was a mistake, but give them the benefit of the doubt. Come back together, talk about it, figure it out and go, yeah, I know I got excited and that's okay. That's okay.
But talk about it. Yeah. It's true. And I example of i used to be partnered um when i when i would have swinger experiences so some of these experiences i had one where it was a couple it was a couple swap but it was foursome it was a foursome and so i had one guy behind me having sex with me and then the the boyfriend girlfriend in front of me and we all did this three-way kiss while this other guy was fucking me. And then he told me later that he felt left out. And I was like, you were in me. And you felt left out, right? But he did. And that was good that he told me that.
Because I would have never known. Right. Right? And so in the future, would I do a three-way kiss without him? No, probably not. I would try to make it more inclusive. But and I just felt it was it was great of him to tell me that because how can I be a good partner if I don't even know what I'm doing? That could be causing any sort of trigger or issue, you know? Right. Right. Yeah. Yeah. And I think that's a big risk, especially for couples that have been together for a long time. The assumption that your partner knows you.
Well, they knew you going to the ball game, going to a vacation, going to a nightclub as a couple, but they don't know you in the context of swinging with other people and having sex with other people. That is a new context.
And you're going to have to figure out a whole bunch of stuff all over again but uh i just want to say that this lifestyle for me like you said at the beginning afibi about it's not just about the sex one of the biggest takeaways for me as a woman is the is the bond that i can have with women who still fuck the same men as me unheard of in vanilla world if i if i sat on that dick one time that guy was off limits to my friend yep right and now i'm like you gotta try his dick you know it's fantastic yeah it's just so different and i and it's true i mean it when i when i let my friends you know know that this guy is great and that i would you know he's a great fuck because i've seen my friends fuck my my friends my other friends and it is absolutely fantastic so there's one guy i'm actually sleeping with right now and the reason i'm sleeping with him is because i watched him fuck my friend and he did such a fantastic job that i got interested and And then I, you know, got to know his personality.
And then I wanted a turn. And so my friend and I talked about it because I actually was like, you know, just want to do a girl code check in, making sure you're not upset. It's not even his wife. His wife, he has a wife. But she's like, no, no, it's all good. Because even though I knew it was all good, there's still something about being like, I'm going to sit on that dick next. All right. You know that, right? You know, because then she told me, oh, well, you know, don't don't be afraid to ask for oral. it. Thank you.
Thank then she told me oh well you know don't don't be afraid to ask for oral he's good at it and i was like oh okay thanks think about that think about two women in vanilla world having that conversation over a guy that one of them had sex with like it would never happen not the world that i lived in no and so that is the best part of the spare lifestyle outside of all of the sex is the bond that we can have women, especially without that competition.
And when sex finally doesn't become the thing that separates us from other women, we can finally coexist in a way in a way that I think men always have in a way. And I think that it's kind of it's kind of nice that we can not be so uptight about sex. Oh, my gosh.
Yeah, I had I have completely forgotten about that or didn't ever really look at it like that and you're absolutely right i have that same friendship with somebody and she's always curating new new guys and she's sending me their you know their photos and she's like look who i'm bringing to the party tonight i'm like okay i'll let you have let you have him first. I always know I get him second. And so it's great. She always finds these guys. I'm like, oh, look who she's bringing to the party tonight. So, yeah, it's a lot of fun. And, you know, it's, yeah, there's none of that weirdness there.
I just love that. I love it. So any last words before we end off the chat? Yeah, we are going to promote our Costa Rica vacation, which we would love everyone to come to. It's in Jaco, Costa Rica. It is actually the country is actually safer than the United States. So if you have any inhibitions about going to a different country, don't. The people are wonderful. They have a phrase called Pura Vida. It's kind of like in Australia, like no worries. Or in Hawaii, what do they say?
Not aloha, but there's a phrase for just like, eh, whatever right and so this resort is a small resort it's it's uh 20 rooms and so it's nice and intimate you can be naked ever everywhere at the resort 100 of the time uh if you go to to eat you know obviously you just put a towel down and you can be naked at the pool you can be fucking at the pool there'll be pool parties there are actually two excursions that we're going on that are already paid for as part of your price and then you have free days that you can go do excursions as well if you you know want to hang out at the pool you do if you want to go zipline or atv whatever whatever, you can go do that also.
And then free transportation to and from the airport. It's really an amazing price. And of course, all-inclusive food, alcohol, all that stuff. And then the town, the small beach town Hako is right near the resort. And you just walk and go hang out in town if you want. Have some great food. It's safe. So we're super excited to be hosting it for people that want to come join us. And we'll be doing some podcasting there and some classes. Oh, yeah. And there's classes because there's a, you know, a room, obviously, a sex room. And so we'll have a class on the Sibian. We'll have a flogging class.
We'll have a squirting class. We'll have, oh, I can't remember what the other classes are. And then, of course, nightly themes, too.
So we'll have a a flogging class we'll have squirting class we'll have oh i can't remember what the other classes are and then of course nightly themes too so we'll have pole dance lessons uh there's a poker night poker night and what's the other one we learn how to salsa tequila and rum tasting tequila rum tasting we got a lot of stuff there's a lot going on so it's all designed to bring everybody together to you know so that you you're spending time together and you're building those relationships in that sense of community so we're super excited right on top of that we have our youtube channel we have a website uh so swingeruniversity.com you can get access to all of our our content And we have a links page as well.
So if you're interested in all of our socials, it's swinglinks.club.
And all of our fun stuff is there, including some of our spicy content, which we don't put up on the rest of the social media stuff because we'll get banned and shut down and that's not okay right yeah so we um awesome can i ask um sorry we didn't actually mention when the costa rica trip is we want to make sure we tell people when that's right the costa rica trip is this june june 2023 awesome so and you guys will be there so if they show if people show up they'll be able to meet you yes absolutely uh in addition to being in attendance um we're hoping to do some podcasty things there too and broadcast i don't remember how good the wi-fi was there we had some problems on the ship uh this last time but the the goal is to broadcast uh while we're there yeah that's so cool thank you guys this is a thrill to be able to hang out with you virtually and and share stories and tips we both contribute differently in the same space and uh that's just like it's reminiscent of the swinger world right yes so we all have different choices and different things to contribute so So thank you for doing this full spot with me tonight.
Different kind of full spot, but it is. I love it. Well, thank you very much for having us on. We've, we've enjoyed being on your show and having you on our show as well. Thank you so much. It's been fun. Oh, one last thing before you go. If this episode helped you in any way, the single best thing you can do to support the show is leaving a rating and review. It takes 60 seconds and helps new people find us when they're searching for relationship education. And we've made it easy. Visit swingeruniversity.com forward slash review. All the instructions are there.
Thank you for being part of this community. We'll see you again soon.
