Want to send us a message? In this episode we talk about those couples you want to avoid having sex with for the first time ...or ever again. We reveal some red flags that may pop up while getting to know them or even after you had sex with them. Support the showWant More?👀 Watch on YouTube: YouTube ShowFull video versions and interactive live episodes!Bonus episodes, exclusive content, and 🌶️Extras: https://www.patreon.com/SwingerUniversity 🛳️🎉Looking for lifestyle events in your area? T4P is the go-to directory for clubs, parties, and resort events. Browse now at Ticket4Play.com Custom SU T-shirts and gear: Our Amazon StoreSwingerLinks.com - live schedule, special offers*, and our 🌶️links!Our Website - Leave us a message, articles, and sexy products3 Ways to get your question on our show:RECORD it on our website at: https://swingeruniversity.com/contact/EMAIL a recorded voice note to: [email protected]: (916) 538-0482 and leave a voicemail.* We get a commission if you decide to purchase through our links, at no cost to you.
Transcript
We have to talk about something we've been genuinely excited about for months, and our patrons actually got a preview of this already. Jamaica! Yes, we are going back, and actually, we have a great offer for you guys. Yeah, it's Swingcation. It's October 11th through the 18th at Hedonism 2. And if you don't know what Swingcation is, it's pretty easy. Swinger plus kink plus vacation. It's a hosted group with real structure, workshops, lectures, real conversations with experts who are passionate about bringing and bridging that gap between the swinger world and the kink world.
And we're not just going as attendees. we're going as featured presenters, which is exciting. We'll be leading sessions. So if you come, we actually get to hang out with you. Which brings up something we should mention. When you use our code, yes, we got a code, you're not just getting a discount, you're getting the signature swing experience, which means $100 off per person, up to $200 per room, but it also means that we make time for you. An exclusive breakfast, lunch, cocktail hour, or one-hour and one time with us directly, plus more surprise benefits.
Here's something that's really unique. You could actually contribute by hosting a discussion or running a Skillshare. I know it's scary, but if you have something that you want to contribute, that's a big part of why this event is so special. Everyone there has something to bring to the table. All right, details. If you book before April 25th, you save $400. Plus, they gave us that special code that gets you an additional $200, and the special code is SWINGERU-VIP. So book through TicketForPlay.com forward slash Swinkie. That's T-I-C-K-E-T, the number four, play.com forward slash S-W-I-N-K-Y.
And use our code at checkout. And you guys, if you have any questions about the event, the resort, or what to expect, just reach out. I mean, we're here for you. We're happy to help. So once again, TicketForPlay.com forward slash Swinky, the code SwingerU-VIP. We really want to see you there. Welcome to Swinger University, where learning is fun and sexy, bringing you an educational podcast about swinging. Here are your hosts, Ed and Phoebe. Hi, this is Ed. Oh, and this is Phoebe. Today we're talking about those couples you want to avoid having sex with for the first time or ever again.
We reveal some red flags that may pop up while getting to know them or even after you've had sex with them. As always, please remember to like and review us on Apple iTunes. And you can help us out too if you subscribe to us on YouTube. We're going to talk about the couple as a unit since they both reflect one another as potential play partners. Either one can contribute to this. Both of them could be acting together, behaviors, etc. Or against, yes, or against one another. Right, as the flag may fly.
typically the red flags all revolve around boundaries or rules that are broken or disrespected between them and or with you and your partner those awkward situations where things go down and you know they had a rule about it and yet something something has going on exactly like i didn't remember that part being okay boundaries and rules during communication sometimes the communication can be just downright disrespectful between those two people you know that the couple that you are interested in right and it can be uncomfortable maybe it's just their style and you're not comfortable with it.
It's awkward enough to make you uneasy. We had a couple at one of the events where the husband was, it felt like he was in junior high. He was pushing her all the time. He was pulling on her top, trying to flash her tits all the time she was uncomfortable about it and she kept swatting his hand away it was very weird yeah and we just it just clicked for us this is just awkward there's something wrong with this dynamic. Yeah. And to me, it looked like he was being disrespectful to her wishes, and she didn't look comfortable.
So I thought, well, if that's how they interact, then it's not going to go well with me at all. Right. Because it's often a sign of how he's going to interact with women in general, not necessarily just his wife. Right.
If you can't follow direction with the one that you love and respect and honor, then why would you with me?'m just a stranger right so there you go rando i'm not rando well not for me but for you know anybody at any event yes that's true rule perhaps gets broken with one partner or the other maybe they have a no kissing rule and all of a sudden she's kissing someone or he's kissing someone and that creates a type of discord between the two of them and a discussion ensues and maybe you know that ends that type of interaction or they they don't find out and until a little bit later and you think the kissing's okay or they had a conversation that kissing was okay because here's where it gets complicated in the profile it said no kissing but then you know shit changes right three months down the road you've been playing you're like yeah you know what kissing is no big deal they didn't update the profile they didn't update you all of a sudden the wife is kissing you but the husband's not okay with it and then what i thought you guys are all on the same page no done you stepped in it and and i didn't even know it yep although a guy would never be annoyed if i was kissing his wife but poor example you never know maybe you never know haven't i haven't encountered that a no by rule or something I don't know maybe I don't think it.
I haven't encountered that. A no-bye rule or something. I don't know. Maybe. I don't think it exists. I can't imagine. All right. People pretending who they are not on dating apps. And Ed can speak to this scenario. This was a really weird story.
We may have touched on this one before but it's yeah because it was so bizarre it was so bizarre and and we've had other ones that were equally bizarre so maybe i'll genericize it a little bit kind of amalgamate several stories together because because they're similar in theme got it you start texting somebody it's either through kick or through sls some messaging is going on between two couples and as the conversation progresses it starts to smell funny and i know there's no feet yeah like smell-o-vision they don't have that for texting which is really good because i think the poop emoji would be pretty bad there's there's just something off about the conversation and at first you don't see it but as each sentence comes through you start to connect things so this particular example guy was posing as a couple started sending pictures then slowly kind of awkwardly he didn't realize he was revealing this but started saying things like my friends the couple and then you're like wait i thought you were the couple oh no i'm the single guy uh-huh but this is like i don't know days deep in a conversation right and it plenty of conversation had happened where this should have been made obvious up front and it's coming out later because the guy tripped up.
Yep. So this goes back. I mean, we've talked about this a bunch of times in terms of lying. Lies are hard to maintain. You got to keep all of your facts straight, your mis-facts.
and it's just way easier to stick to the truth because you know what that is you know what the facts are it's easy to follow but if you start making up fish stories which part of the story is made up which is real how do i keep it straight anyway guy was not very good at keeping his lies straight we were on to him and basically cut the conversation off because at that point we're like uh no we're not just going to show up at your house because you're clearly lying yeah so yeah yeah so that's for communication those are types of examples and things that scenarios that might throw up some red flags something's just off with anything regarding communication next we have drug use where maybe you have a rule that you don't want to play with anyone who does drugs or particular drug or whatever your your rule is right for whatever reason and so that's a that's something that's broken with you you had you know it was disclosed up front hey we're non-smokers whatever and they come to your house and they start smoking in your house or they ask to smoke on the back patio they wouldn't do that in your house but bust out the crack pipe whatever right and you're like um i have an allergy to cigarettes so you know what the evening is off and now you got to kick him out of your house that's that would be really awkward yeah a huge red flag yeah so there's that then you know or it's at the bar or something like that you you or you smell it on whatever it's a red flag you'll obviously you'll figure that out yeah but then the other rule is maybe or that's broken is between the two partners where one gets a little too drunk or they decide to pop e or something and the other one doesn't know it and then there's some discord between the two of them because they're they're clearly not on the same page right and actually the smoking one's an interesting one too because it's we've had couples that didn't disclose things like that in their profiles and then you go to meet them and you're like wait a second your profile said non-smoker is an example right And they hide it because they're hiding it.
Right. They don't want you to know or they, you know, they're embarrassed by it or whatever. And it becomes this weird point of contention because if you're hiding that, what else are you hiding? Right. Sets off a red flag. Right. All right. If you're hiding that, what else are you hiding? Right. Sets off a red flag. Right.
I do want to say, too, though, that, I mean, if you're, the couple's like 95% a go with you both, and you both are clicking, you know, maybe that's one thing you want to go, you know what know what it's not that big of a deal we played with a couple where he was a smoker and you really couldn't tell his hygiene was so great right and i mean he smoked and then immediately after he wash and brush you know rinse and gargle and whatever and it was almost not noticeable he'd he'd clean up and so for for me it wasn't a huge deal right um i'd prefer not but you know it's up to you it's up to you so you know yeah i mean these are your rules absolutely you can figure out what they are and whether you can bend or break them.
Yeah, right. Again, it's an example of how dishonesty can pop up. Right. Condoms. You have a rule, and it's broken.
This this one's pretty bad we've had this where you know they it's clear it's out there they know it and then all of a sudden they show up and they're like oh left them at home okay well we have extras and you will be wearing one or you will be leaving right and you know i get that no glove no love i get that people forget and may leave them at home but this this particular instance was it was it was not it's a choice to omit yes yes yeah or go ahead and i was just gonna say this this one is if a couple has chosen to play with condoms to not play bareback they've made this choice probably for their health, for prevention of sexually transmitted diseases longevity because i have children right i mean they've made they've come to this decision for many reasons yeah so disrespecting that especially with somebody's health at stake sure is pretty serious so this isn't one to play around with right um it it's yeah right pretty legit okay can we talk about october for a second oh my god yeah I've been waiting for this we were invited to be guest speakers for two engagements on a six-star crystal cruise ship with 310 lifestyle couples and it sails from Montreal to Boston during the peak foliage season I'm super excited and honestly I'm really nervous yeah it's kind of a I'll see you next time.
Montreal to Boston during the peak foliage season. I'm super excited and honestly, I'm really nervous. Yeah, it's kind of a version of like a swinger TED talk that we're going to have to do. Oh my God, I know. And more importantly, if you know the brand, it's LLV, Luxury Lifestyle Vacations. You may have seen them and their sexy playmakers with their fun red hats. This ship, the Crystal Symphony, is classy. Butler service for every single room, Michelin rated restaurants, full spa, clothing optional, sensual playrooms, like everything.
Theme nights and international DJj so it's luxury and nudity oh man this is gonna be great the bottom line is we want you there with us it's 310 couples and like all their vacations they book up fast they really do their vacations are extremely popular so please come with us and in order to find it all you have to do is go to our swingerlinks.com and look for the llv sensual voyage we hope you'll join us and i i understand it it can happen in the heat of the moment you know maybe I'll see you next time.
and i i understand it it can happen in the heat of the moment you know maybe you're a little too drunk or whatever you can't find a condom and you're like ah fuck it you know right and you fuck without it well that may be fine and a risk that you want to take but just know that that you shouldn't really be playing with other people that evening unless you disclose that well i guess you could wear a condom i suppose sure with other people that would be safe but you wouldn't be able to I don't know if that for example if your condom accidentally came off inside of somebody and you didn't know it and you're stroking around and you're like holy shit my condom came off well then you know obviously everyone would have a discussion and then we'd go get tested right away right and then we'd have to wait three months and we get tested again after not having sex with anybody else and then so it'd be basically six months without having sex with anybody else just to make sure we're drug or not drug free but stdi free yeah it's kind of disruptive to the whole uh groove thing yeah it is it's annoying all right another example anal versus not right it's off the table all of a sudden someone tries to do something without asking hey oh and it wasn't just a slip they were like yeah consciously trying to take advantage so that would be a red flag and that's pretty obvious right privacy sharing names with others sharing photos with others maybe you like taking photos during a session and you've agreed that those are private between you and that other couple, and all of a sudden, they shared those photos with somebody else, and you found out about it, or you saw them somewhere.
They're up on their profile all of a sudden. Yeah. Stuff. Without your permission, yeah. Not a good thing. No. Especially if you're trying to maintain your anonymity. Oh, God, yes. Surprise, yes. Surprise. Go on our pile. Safe status. So this one's an interesting one. And we have a bit of a personal story with this. Two. Two? Yes. Two. Two? Yes. Two. Where there was a couple that we were playing with and pretty good friends with them. And after a while, they disclosed to us that they hadn't disclosed to us that they had a sexually transmitted infection.
And it was disturbing on a couple levels for us, mostly because of the dishonesty and that they chose not to disclose that in play anyway. It's one thing to disclose it and, you know, throw it out there. It's like, look, all the cards are on the table. We'll let you guys make your decision. We respect your decision, et cetera, et cetera.
But by not telling us, we weren't given the choice right right that's that was really awkward it was awkward and it was really disheartening i was really sad because we really like these individuals we still like these individuals and so we had to take a break for a long period of time. And I had to really think about all that. And later decided that the friendship was actually worth salvaging. Right. Because they're just such good people. Yeah.
yeah i didn't want to throw that away because of that transgression now it did change the dynamic it did i mean we decided at that point that playing with them was not worth the risk right uh but the friendship was perfectly salvageable. Absolutely. Absolutely. And, you know, this all comes back to getting tested, you know, frequently just to make sure because people sometimes don't disclose everything. And that's why it's important, at least we feel it's important, to play with condoms and to follow as many safe sex guidelines as you can. And frequent testing is one of those things. Mm hmm.
And, you know, while you're interviewing couples, they may they may just straight lie to you.
So that example you know they they did but they came out later and told us but the other couple never told us and we found out through somebody else right and so this other couple we interviewed said oh they they hardly ever play super selective super selective and they've been monogamous with each other for years right like forever so not the case that that was like five red flags by the way all in a single sentence yeah because not only were they not selective the husband had been cheating for years for years and we we knew we found out later that they had um hpv yeah so it's, boom.
One after the other. So we took a little break after that because we were like, oh, my God, how are we supposed to interview and select these individuals? How are we supposed to figure out this? Where's our lie detector? Right. Well, the long and short of it is you almost should carry your test status on like a little piece of paper, like a passport, and be able to flash your badge. I know. We've never gone to that extent. And in all honesty, that's our bad. Right. We've trusted people that they were being honest with us. And, I mean, you're going to be sharing your body with them.
You kind of hope that there's a little bit of implied trust there, but it's trust but verify, right? Right. The lifestyle is risky. And, you know, you, we, we went into this long ago, reading all the side effects of the of the STIs and what happens if you get one right and assessing that risk if I do get one what can I do about it and how quickly can I take care of it what does that what does that mean for me obviously the biggest risk is AIDS, and you can combat that with a condom.
So we went into this, like I said, long ago, knowing that, yeah, there is a percentage of risks when you're having sex with somebody else, whether you're a swinger or whether you're a single person. Right.
I mean, sex with other people, you're basically sharinginger or whether you're a single person right i mean sex with other people you're basically sharing their previous partners right exactly it's it's like peeing in the pool yeah it's in there typically you know i mean again assessing your risk factor you know if you're you know sleeping with another couple that goes to, you know, desire once a year, you know, maybe their risk is pretty low because they sleep with one or two couples once a year. Right. Right? Versus someone who's out every weekend. Risk level is going to be higher.
It's all risk food for thought risk analysis so sexy i know we're so sorry we're so sorry and then you're going to have your own reason yeah and we're throwing this one in because we mentioned some examples, but anything that makes you feel uncomfortable or gives you this kind of pit of your stomach, intuitive sixth sense, your spider senses are tingling, something's off, that's your subconscious subconscious that's that little voice telling you that there's something wrong yeah and in the heat of the moment you're in the club sexy things are going on you're probably not sure what it is because you're going thinking with my head thinking with my dick thinking with my head thinking with my but there's something off and you're not sure what it is right you might figure it out in the next day or two um maybe when the the sex is worn off.
But eventually you'll figure it out and you're like, you know what it was? It was that comment that they made or that thing that they did. And I know why it set me off. Right.
So maybe they just become that partner that is a one-time play partner but not a multiple play partner right right and we have had those situations plenty of times plenty of times where uh we're all into the couple and then they do something like being rude to the waitress at the restaurant and you just like way rude like everyone like yes like i'm mouthing the words i'm sorry silently to the our waitress that was there serving us first and that was one of those things where we're like okay this is weird behavior not sure what to make of it no we're not waitstaff but there's something off about this and it came out later and we figured out what it was because that kind of weird behavior started exhibiting itself in other ways later in the evening yes so pay attention to your partner when they say i got a weird feeling about this or tell your partner i've got a weird feeling about this yeah because you're you're probably on to something and you you just haven't figured out what it is so pay attention to your feelings they your feelings are valid all right everyone we understand it's it's hard like i said when you find that right couple and you you like them and you're ready to sleep with them, but there's that one red flag that pops up and keeps you both from moving forward, it can be very, very disappointing.
But, you know, in the long run, it can save you a lot of headaches. Before you turn off our podcast to take care of all the vanilla things pulling you away please reach out and give us a review i know mashing a star is so much easier but a review is so much better for sharing your love of what we're doing with others we would appreciate it if you want to share a personal story, ask us questions, or share your comments, you can contact us at swingeruniversity at gmail dot com. Check us out at swingeruniversity dot com, where you can find links to our Twitter and Instagram feeds.
Thank you for listening to Swinger University, your horizontal and Richmond podcast. So pay attention to those inner voices. And then we'll talk to you guys later i don't know what that was i'm gonna cut that out we could use it as an outtake just just ignore me oh my gosh you're so funny one last thing before you go. If this episode helped you in any way, the single best thing you can do to support the show is leaving a rating and review. It takes 60 seconds and helps new people find us when they're searching for relationship education. And we've made it easy.
Visit swingeruniversity.com forward slash review. All the instructions are there. Thank you for being part of this community. We'll see you again soon.
