Want to send us a message? Curious about what diversity really means in the swinger lifestyle? In this episode, Ed and Phoebe break down the surprising variety you’ll find—and why it’s not what you might expect.The wide range of body types, ages, and preferences within swinger communitiesDifferent styles of parties, play, and consent practices (including substance use and communication)How self-confidence, body image, and social dynamics mix at eventsCultural differences (including American vs. European approaches to consent and intimacy)Why the lifestyle evolves for couples over time—plus common myths about drama, “body count,” and relationship risksReady to separate fact from fiction about diversity in swinging? Watch now! Support the showWant More?👀 Watch on YouTube: YouTube ShowFull video versions and interactive live episodes!Bonus episodes, exclusive content, and 🌶️Extras: https://www.patreon.com/SwingerUniversity 🛳️🎉Looking for lifestyle events in your area? T4P is the go-to directory for clubs, parties, and resort events. Browse now at Ticket4Play.com Custom SU T-shirts and gear: Our Amazon StoreSwingerLinks.com - live schedule, special offers*, and our 🌶️links!Our Website - Leave us a message, articles, and sexy products3 Ways to get your question on our show:RECORD it on our website at: https://swingeruniversity.com/contact/EMAIL a recorded voice note to: [email protected]: (916) 538-0482 and leave a voicemail.* We get a commission if you decide to purchase through our links, at no cost to you.
Transcript
We have to talk about something we've been genuinely excited about for months, and our patrons actually got a preview of this already. Jamaica! Yes, we are going back, and actually, we have a great offer for you guys. Yeah, it's Swingcation. It's October 11th through the 18th at Hedonism 2. And if you don't know what Swingcation is, it's pretty easy. Swinger plus kink plus vacation. It's a hosted group with real structure, workshops, lectures, real conversations with experts who are passionate about bringing and bridging that gap between the swinger world and the kink world.
And we're not just going as attendees. we're going as featured presenters, which is exciting. We'll be leading sessions. So if you come, we actually get to hang out with you. Which brings up something we should mention. When you use our code, yes, we got a code, you're not just getting a discount, you're getting the signature swing experience, which means $100 off per person, up to $200 per room, but it also means that we make time for you. An exclusive breakfast, lunch, cocktail hour, or one-hour and one time with us directly, plus more surprise benefits.
Here's something that's really unique. You could actually contribute by hosting a discussion or running a Skillshare. I know it's scary, but if you have something that you want to contribute, that's a big part of why this event is so special. Everyone there has something to bring to the table. All right, details. If you book before April 25th, you save $400. Plus, they gave us that special code that gets you an additional $200, and the special code is SWINGERU-VIP. So book through TicketForPlay.com forward slash Swinkie. That's T-I-C-K-E-T, the number four, play.com forward slash S-W-I-N-K-Y.
And use our code at checkout. And you guys, if you have any questions about the event, the resort, or what to expect, just reach out. I mean, we're here for you. We're happy to help. So once again, ticketforplay.com forward slash swinky, the code swingeru-vip. We really want to see you there. Hey folks, welcome to our live. This is a new for us. We're trying something different. Today we're going to be talking about diversity in the swinging lifestyle. So all kinds of fun stuff about diversity of people, their interactions, ages, body types, the whole gamut.
So if you're interested in knowing about all the different things you can experience in the lifestyle you may want to check this episode out oh we're here we're here so this is our maiden voyage can everyone see me yeah they can they can you. So please give us a little grace and definitely give us some feedback as to what your user experience is and what you would like to see differently as we go through this process and we're learning, getting the wheels on the bike.
So, yeah, yeah i'm super excited do we want to just launch right into it like we usually do get down to business yeah yeah it does look like there's a little bit of a delay with your camera which i have to figure out i'm not sure why it's delayed but that'll be fun so i'm like doing weird things well it's not the studio one but yeah on on your camera um it does look like it's delayed i'm not delayed which is weird but you are delayed and hence the uh the very interesting um issue with technology so when you podcast and you stream you also apparently need a degree in advanced electronics and technology because it likes to break all the time and software gets updated and new things come out and the geeks that we are we like to have the new things so there's this constant learning yeah criteria that's associated with all of this.
All good things. So are you fixing the delay or are we going to launch into the topic? We can go straight into the topic. Or should we do a spark card? We could do a spark card too. So we've got some ideas for different stuff. Let me switch that off. Here we go. So one of the things we've thought of to kind of break the ice, not only for us, but for people at parties, is to use Spark cards. And there's a whole bunch of different companies that are making these. Tons. You can go on Amazon and find some great ones. In fact, that's where I got these. Yeah. Break the ice. I like this one.
And they don't have to be swinger specific. No. In fact, the more normal they are, the more I like them. Because when you're meeting people, you really want to get to know them, know a little bit more about their personality.
and usually it's hard in in social situations to be like hey what kind of dick size like do you like like i mean you can't just launch go straight into that right you need to like ease in you don't want to offend anybody you need a warm-up you know just like anything with you know poor play and all that so these cards were great the other one excuse me while i bend down i don't know i'm happy when phoebe bends down okay i'm back honest x embracing curiosity i'm not sure where i got these oh Well, this was from the pack wasn't it oh yes we got this from the you me and her you me and her movie that we were promoting um we didn't get to go to the premiere because it wasn't in our area but they did send us this um and a bunch of other cool trotch keys so we felt very bougie because we were like, oh, we got free stuff.
We didn't get the Rolex and the diamond bracelet that all the red carpet people get when they go to their movie premieres. But we got this and a bunch of other cool stuff. Free is free. And I got some gummies. Hemp gummies. Which I will say I was pleasantly surprised surprised they actually did have an effect so aside from that okay spark card we're gonna do this before we launch into the topic yeah yeah just for fun pick a spark card see how this goes uh um pick one anyone oh am i gonna read it oh i got two. Take one back. God, I'm afraid. All right, this is a fun one.
How many people would you sexually entertain at one time? So we went straight to the sex. We did. We went straight. So we should have started with the break the ice ones, but we went right to the get the guy.
So because this is a swinger podcast and we can get straight into the we can get juicy thing and i i think i know you well enough i mean well but this is your question you've got to answer this question not me i know but we know each other oh yeah yeah you're not going to shock me at all facetious okay wait what was it how many people would sexually entertain at one time oh the more the better because now are we talking like a house party sexually entertain or are we talking like group sex kind of sexually entertain like all on the same bed yes like the um what's the the roman empire curtains where there's beds everywhere yeah the roman orgy yeah the roman orgy i love that okay it doesn't mean i'm the more the merrier the more the merrier because i like the puppy pile yeah it is a lot of fun um we've practically been at a roman orgy based on your description yeah on one of the cruises they had the red curtains there were six beds i think lined up and there were two couples per bed so do the math that was 12 people we were all having fun and the mind you there were a lot of other beds around but those were the beds that had all opened up their curtains in a row so we could see this was just our section of beds and we drew a it was fabulous yeah we had a good time yeah bliss cruises are great yeah and if you if you oh my gosh if you guys haven't been on one you really need to go even if you're not a swinger and you're just swinger adjacent or you want to be around open-minded people oh absolutely freedom to be naked at the pool on a cruise ship in the middle of the ocean uh hello do it it's it's a blast we've got all the cruises on our on our website on our travel page um and you can book right through us it's it's hands down a wonderful experience i thought i'd get a lot sick i love adventure i thought i'd feel trapped nope i was pleasantly surprised that i wasn't i have plenty to do and um you just if you if you're motion sensitive you just get the patch from your doctor and it's good for 72 hours book your room in the middle of the ship middle horizontally and middle this way right right because that's less movement yeah at the ends of the ship you kind of get this thing going on um and at the top and the bottom you kind of get this thing going on but there's a whole lot of this going on okay yes if you are interested in booking a bliss cruise or or a virgin cruise because we're also going next year on two virgin cruises one down to mexico from la and one to alaska i think that one's in july then check out our website at swingervacation.net and all of our vacations are up there we've got a cruise page we've got resort pages all of those are they're regular prices they're not marked up in any way we're just facilitating and we get a little bit of a commission from it so you actually help support the podcast by signing up through us which is super cool because you know, everybody needs a little bit of a commission from it, so you actually help support the podcast by signing up through us, which is super cool because, you know, everybody needs a little help, and we certainly won't be upset about getting help.
No. No. Give a little help to your friend. All right. Are we launching into the topic now? Yeah, let's go into the topic. All right. We've done our little icebreaker. So. Diversity in swingers. Diversity in swingers. I don't know. Yeah, let's go into the topic. We've done our little icebreaker. So diversity in swingers. Diversity in swingers. Yeah, we've been in lifestyle for 11 years plus now. We kind of lose track.
And we've pretty much seen, I think, every size, shape, and sexual preference in the lifestyle it's pretty cool yeah and we've we've also seen every preference not just physical preference but preferences when it comes to um how people play maybe they're DTF, and we'll go into details about all that. Maybe they want a more intimate connection. Maybe they only want a three-way connection. Maybe there's an age group or a kink that they want to explore.
Some people only play with others because of the length the length of their partnership so if they're a new couple right or they're just dating they won't play with them which i found very interesting i i didn't know that was a thing and some people are very sensitive to your body count so they'll they'll query you how many've, you've had, and that is either a bonus or not. So it's, it's very, very interesting. Yeah. We've seen people ask, uh, frequently, you know, do you, do you have to be a certain size or shape to be in the lifestyle?
Do you have to, do you have to have like epic proportions do you you know is is penis size a thing um breast size age all of those questions come up all the time um and i think most of it comes down to people are self-conscious they they want to feel attractive they want to be attractive and they don't want to show up at a party and not have any fun and or feel like they're the oddballs the the outcasts right and we can we can definitively say that no matter where you are there's there is a huge range of body sizes, shapes, et cetera, for you to choose from or to be chosen by everything.
I mean, we've seen people who are, you know, heavy set. We've seen people who are in very good shape and that doesn't necessarily exclude those two groups from playing with each other. Right. Like we've seen a lot of mixing up of, of different sizes and shapes. Cause you know what? People's sexual preferences are varied. Yeah. And they don't necessarily have a type just because they look like that type. Right. People like different. So it doesn't necessarily mean they want to play, like you said, with their type.
Now, I will say there are some groups, some of the Vegas groups in the summertime, some of those parties tend to be skewed a little more towards a specific demographic or type. Certain areas in the United States are a little different.
Maybe you are going, joining a party or an event that's hosted by some swingers who are very fitness oriented, maybe they're fitness coaches right so the people that they draw that community that they draw are going to be very fitness oriented so what's great is that there's an there's something for everybody yeah and you can kind of figure out you know where you fit I will say though, when we would go to local parties, I still suffered from, gee, you know, everyone here is like super hot, right?
And some of that's self-confidence, how you're feeling that day, obvious as women, we struggle with that a lot. um so it's not that you're not going to feel like you don't fit in it will happen where you're like you we you and i have walked into a party and we're like oh damn oh this is not our crowd and we made our rounds we said hi to the host right and then we politely left yeah so different reasons it happens yeah so yeah and one of the things that we we kind of skipped over in our outline which we'll i'll kind of dig into here and that's the different ways that people party oh Oh, yes.
That's. We've. Seen everything. We've seen parties where people are heavy drinkers. We've seen parties where people are very lightly drinking. Right. They they're concerned about whiskey dick. And so they they're just not drinking or they're drinking like a light beer or something so that they're still on their game. Um, we've seen, we've seen substances used and, uh, for a brief period of time, we didn't know it at the time. There was a guy actually dealing at the parties. Um, he's, he since got banned from a lot of the events because the host didn't want that going on at the party.
yeah i mean there there's all kinds of stuff going on at parties now i guess the question is how does this affect your experience at parties and and what you should expect and i think the expectation is that you're going to run across a whole bunch of different stuff and you either have to be comfortable saying you. I'm not interested, which we recommend if you've never done something, um, even if it's pot, don't recommend trying it for the first time at a party. Um, because you're going to run across stuff that you've never experienced before. Like for example, an infused joint. Oh my God.
god yeah i have a story about that which which i'll get into in a second and i i do want to say that each there there are groups that do play um heavily just in like with with substances sure because they like the sensory play when they're taking ecstasy or mdma or or maybe they're taking cocaine they're they're taking something because they they want to have a different type of experience and so it's it's it opens them up and they they're not so interested in the sexual engagement part, but they're interested in more of the people sensory part of it.
And just that open community and to be free and express who they really are and let their two selves come out.
So it might be confusing if you walk into a group that's maybe come into a party let's say you went to a house party uh they've got 50 people there and a group of 30 core people descend on the party they all know each other and they're using substances you might feel like the odd man out because you're like what the hell is going on right i'm missing out because clearly something's going on well we've we've absolutely had that experience even with just drinking where we were the we showed up fashionably late to a party and by the time we got there everybody was hammered yeah i mean just blotto and everyone knows what that's like to catch up it's an awful feeling you feel like the third wheel and you're like oh my god i'm so far behind in my drinking game or whatever and you're like just it feels awkward so you know that's gonna happen so yeah oh go go ahead so here's your story story, dun.
So I had experimented with pot before, but usually in very small doses at home. Right. Because I'm a lightweight and I don't know a lot about which kind, what, you know, I'm, I was still experimenting at the time with food, without food, which time of day, you know, which kind, all the variables of. And the previous experience, the exact like one experience before we, you and I both had had a cookie. Oh, yeah. At another party. At a different party. This was a vanilla party. And holy crap.
We were both like really sick we i was sick and ed was laughing at me because i kept telling him i wanted to go to the emergency room and he would laugh at me well because you you were convinced that you were going to od and die and i i had to explain and of course i'm high so it's it's very challenging no help i'm throwing up in the bathroom all that hence the second party uh we were trusted friends we'd been there before we knew the group everyone had left we're just chilling out afterwards hanging out uh one of the one of the other guests that was was there passed around this joint i didn't know it was infused we didn't even know that was a thing i didn't know so i have a very large lung capacity so i took a really nice big long draw she has very large lungs as you can see big mistake instantly within 30 seconds 15 seconds i could feel it hit me like a rock.
I went to the bathroom. I felt nauseous right away. Oh, man. The paranoia. The heart was racing. I thought I was going to die. I thought I was going to stop breathing. I had to sit on the floor and rock myself back and forth like a mental patient. I was freaked out because everyone was staring at me we tried the salt trick which is supposed to like to dilute the thc in your bloodstream pepper to yeah there's all kinds of there's all kinds of like there was one that i did find and i i told you to remember and i don't remember because i'm never gonna do it it again.
Because it'll never happen again, right? Oh, my God. Because, you know, it only happens once. Anyway, we've all been there, I'm sure. So the moral of the story was at parties, you may experience things that you hadn't experienced before. You know, sticking on the topic of diversity, you might run across substances that you hadn't tried before. We do not recommend trying things for the first time unless it's sexual. Absolutely. Take the training wheels off, have fun. But in terms of substances, oh yeah, of course, have consent. It's all consent-based.
And that's another aspect of this that we can kind of talk about in terms of diversity, in terms of consent. Oh, yeah. People's definition or approach to consent varies pretty widely within the lifestyle.
yes we have heard in Europe as an example that there's a sense of implied consent at a lot of the lifestyle clubs right you're there you're clearly there to have fun sexy times and so the the concept of contact hugging kissing on a neck those are all kind of above board okay can we talk about october for a second oh my god yeah i've been waiting for this we were invited to be guest speakers for two engagements on a six-star crystal cruise ship with 310 lifestyle couples and it sails from montreal to boston during the peak foliage season i'm super excited and honestly i'm really nervous yeah it's kind of a version of like a swinger ted talk that we're gonna have to do oh my god i know and more importantly if you know the brand it's llv luxury lifestyle vacations you may have seen them and they're sexy playmakers with their fun red hats this ship the crystal symphony is classy butler service for every single room michelinin rated restaurants, full spa, clothing optional, sensual playrooms, like everything, theme nights and international DJ.
So it's luxury and nudity. Oh man, this is going to be great. The bottom line is we want you there with us. It's 310 couples, and like all their vacations, they book up fast. They really do. Their vacations are extremely popular. So please come with us.
And in order to find it, all you have to do is go to our swingerlinks.com and look for the LLV Sensual sensual voyage we hope you'll join us yeah people will approach you kiss you and most europeans do kiss you on the cheek that's a lot of kissing going on that and and they have a a lot of um what is that that um proximity your bubble yeah is personal space personal space is different there so yeah you may get a kiss you may get a grope and that's normal yeah and it from the person who described this uh kate from wanderlust was telling us about this.
It's not so, it's not as creepy, but if you're not expecting it, it's going to take you off a little bit. Now here in the United States, we are way more kind of ask first, touch later. If you touch first and forget to ask you you may get your hand slapped. There's definitely a hierarchy in terms of expected behavior and consent. But what I will say is we're not particularly good about asking for consent up front.
There's a lot of this implied consent, even here where you're all in the bed and you're kind of playing together therefore you're kind of like doing it we've been quote guilty of that where there's non-verbal consent definitely a you know a head shake or a finger where it was pretty clear by their nonverbal communication that they were interested and they wanted to engage with us. Right. Right. And, and people are very afraid of ruining the experience or ruining the mood with words. And I thought that way. And I have fallen prey to that bad experience because that's how I thought.
What I changed and what I learned was it's very sexy. And for me, a very mental turn-on to ask for exactly what I want that evening from that individual and see if they can supply that. Right. Then you know right up front what's going to happen and what to expect. And it's almost like a contract.
that could change in between you just use words and it doesn't have to be a long sentences can I kiss you here can I touch you there right would you like this can I do that they're very short sentences it's very easy to say and it's really sexy it's turn on I mean, especially if you can say it in the right way, like think about it as kind of a pickup line. Think of it as a seduction line. It doesn't have to be mother, may I, or Simon says, right? It doesn't have to feel that way, kind of robotic and perfunctory.
And you can direct your experience in that way, too, like because not everybody knows your your buttons. And so you could say, could you kiss here? Could you? Right. Would you like to do this thing to me? Right. I would love this. Would you? Yes. And so then people feel like they're they're giving you something they want to please you and you've asked for it and so it's like oh it's it's pretty cool once you get used to doing that it's just like anything right something you have to practice let's talk about one other aspect of diversity.
And I think it's something that you and i really enjoy in the lifestyle and that is um the cultural differences between people and the physical differences between people we we kind of like the contrast of different skin colors and different hair yeah body like you know a guy who looks like the jason momoa aquaman yes yeah you know someone who's massively tall and as wide as a house you're like we met them. You're like, wow. You're a fascinating human. Right? I've never met anyone like that. I've never touched anyone like that. Their body frame is incredibly cool.
You know, someone with beautiful, you know, golden brown skin tones. I don't have that. Curly hair. I would just love to rub my fingers through a woman's curly hair. But I know you don't do that. So it's I love and celebrate our differences. And I love that we are all so different and beautiful in those ways. Yeah. And I just I I just I like anyone different than me because I'm boring. I would disagree. And I think most of your partners would also disagree, but I think that the, the thing about it is for us, it's that novelty aspect.
And we've done episodes where we've talked about, um, NRE we've talked about, uh, does your swinger card expired? I was actually just looking at that episode recently and it really comes down to the brain likes new. It likes experiencing new things. So a new car, new foods, new, just sensory newness excites the brain.
So in lifestyle situations, when you're running in a diverse group you get a lot of new like i've never i've never kissed a woman with that shaped lip or right yeah those curvy hips or those nipples the size of gumdrops oh yeah or pierced nipples right like there's all kinds of fun stuff or pierced other things yeah so we we really enjoy it within their own whatever's we're the exact opposite um and i think a lot of other people are um so yeah let us know in the comments, if you think diversity is fun, if you think that, uh, having that different experiences, all part of the game, like really what does it for you.
And the other thing I want to ask our watchers to chat about, comment on, is DTF. There seems to be very diverse camps in that. Either you are or you're not. Right. And there's almost a judgment on if you are. Right. And the judgment is that you are wham, bam, thank you, ma'am. And you don't get to know the person. Well, that hasn't been our experience. And looking back, I would say that we were mostly DTF because we didn't want to get to know people too intimately. Right. Because we weren't interested in building relationships. First of all, we didn't have the time. We were raising kids.
We had busy jobs and lives. Right. There's only so much time in the day yeah we were we were there for the event and for that experience for that night right but it doesn't mean we weren't polite and social and you know or got numbers or any right yeah we we have communication skills and flirt skills, but a lot of people really want to get to know you. Yes. Like maybe three or four dates or something like that. It takes them a lot longer to warm up, and that's totally fine. Right. So you might find there is this kind of weird awkwardness if you're a DTF person and someone's really slow.
you're like oh my gosh how do I get them there it may take a while yeah and a lot of that comes down to how people's arousal works there are a number of people who need a more intimate connection with somebody they actually need need to feel safe and connected to them before they're aroused by them. Um, we typically haven't had that problem. Um, although in later years in the lifestyle, you've preferred to have a little bit more of a connection.
And I think that has to do with people getting to know all of your buttons and your play style and And I'll see has to do with people getting to know all of your buttons and your play style. And that's harder when it's a one night stand, if you will. Right. Exactly. Yeah. Our lives have changed. The kids have moved on. We have more time.
We are enjoying this period in our life where we can go on vacations and hang out with people longer right so it's it's different and that's what's fun about the lifestyle is it changes evolves and grows yeah and because of that we've made some over the years made some long-term connections with some people in virginia with some people in texas um so if you're in those areas. Hi. Hello. And Colorado. And Colorado. Intimacy. There are some people that really, building on that connection, they really want a very intimate experience.
And I used to think that word was very threatening right like intimate meant oh my god you're like you're getting the feels for me and i need to be like you're in a relationship yeah like it's threatening polyamory threatening my relationship it's that's too dangerous.
And then I had an experience with someone that was it was like a um a love making experience you we were all in the same room together right and it was very intimate and soft and it was it was lovely i was like really impressed and surprised how much i enjoyed that yeah and so some people are really seeking more of that type of connection which is why they need to get to know you better and feel safe and um so that build up that they wouldn't be dtf people right because they wouldn't be able to get there yeah for that intimate connection yeah um so Thank you.
build up that they wouldn't be DTF people right because they wouldn't be able to get there yeah for that intimate connection yeah um so finding individuals that really are know that about themselves and can express that I will say though a lot of swingers maybe we just weren't really good at asking those questions because we just didn't know what we wanted yeah but we kept it was like a game of darts or pinball or something we just kept hit sometimes you hit but there's a lot of misses yeah yeah and i wish i wish we had had those tools to ask more pointed questions yeah it would It would have saved us a lot of trouble in the early years for sure.
Yeah. We would have gotten to it. We would have figured it out sooner. Yeah. And I don't even know if a lot of people really know that. Well, that's why we're doing this thing. Right. Yes. Different ages. Now, this is an interesting one because I think most people have kind of like a plus or minus five years around their age kind of a rule. Right. I think, generally. If you disagree, let us know in the chat.
But we like different age ranges like we've certainly expanded our range from when we first started right here's why we sail on virgin it's adults No kids screaming at breakfast, no family buffet lines, just champagne at noon, late night pool parties, and people who actually want to be there. The vibe? Think boutique hotel that happens to float. Tattoo parlors, drag brunch, restaurants you'd actually pay for on land. Plus, when you're looking to connect with other couples who know how to have fun, let's just say Virgin attracts a very specific type of adventurous.
No wonder Bread Cruiser's here, just your people.
some some people are have kids and they're like as their kids get older they're like nope i'm not gonna yeah anybody under 30 nope right right they just can't do it it's just too creepy for them and i get it i mean i understand we haven't had that barrier for us I'm not sure why maybe just yeah it just wasn't a thing I think it's because I didn't make the mental connection between age and the relationship that I had with my family like that's different yeah it's not the same thing I think it's because we are yes you're right our mental space we are not at home we are on vacation or we're out for the evening and we are doing something just for us in a different place we're not thinking about family we're not thinking about our jobs so the people that are actually thinking about their kids, maybe- Get your head in the game.
Right. Maybe don't. Stop thinking about that. Think about better things. Exactly. The opposite end of the spectrum, which is kind of where I was mentally going, was I've had a few experiences with older women.
And I surprised at how much fun i had and i was surprised at how attracted i was as things kind of happened at parties and events yeah and i've i've ended up with some women who were not exactly twice my age i'm i'm too old for that but a good 20 years senior to me and you know what it was a hell of a lot of fun i had a good i had a great time the whole thing about they have experience yeah they have experience yeah yeah they're they're confident they know their bodies very well and they're there for fun right they're like yeah they they know what they want just just do that thing yeah i know it's i know older women is a thing yeah younger men is a thing yeah we have definitely experienced both ends of that spectrum yeah and did we talk about the length of the partnership where some people will only consider you as a couple a potential play partner sort of you kind of alluded to it um we could probably talk a little bit more about that we've definitely met couples that had a no newbie rule also so there's also the length in the lifestyle right they're not interested in kind of breaking couples in um and that whole newbie thing we're the opposite sort of i'll clarify one of the things that we've experienced is with new couples, they may or may not show up to a second party.
So if you really like them, if you're attracted to them, you probably want to approach them and see if anything happens. Because they may not come back to a second party. It may not be their thing. You might be their only experience. Right.
And if you don't want to miss out on that experience then you may want to be that person you know get in line but i get it i get why because they want to establish a long-term relationship or some kind of a partnership that happens over and over that intimacy and with newbies if they're one and done then you you can't come back you can't reconnect with them you can't like go out for drinks later you can't go dancing you can't have that like second and third and fourth date so i get it plus there's the whole drama factor i was gonna say that yeah yeah so talk about talk about quote drama we talked about drama in i think our last episode but yeah we'll talk a little episodes yeah a lot of people use that term as a negative uh description honestly i don't like it used in that way because, uh, people, they use it to describe individuals that are, that something comes up, right?
And the bottom line is something's always going to come up between partners right we're humans we're messy nothing's ever smooth nothing's ever easy right so give some people some grace if something comes up maybe they have they had a simple miscommunication sure it's not a big deal give them give them a pass you know thankfully they went to the bathroom or a closet to go talk it out or they let went outside to go to have a discussion and they didn't make a big scene at the party we've rarely ever seen anything like that maybe right once right but but some people think that that's just like oh you know well they hate that in a sense what they're what they're hoping for is that everybody's dtf with no issues ever right but and that doesn't happen i mean there's gonna be situations where yeah like oh oh i've this woman triggered you you know there was something that she did or the way that she interacted.
We've had that before. Oh yeah. And. And I'm like, nope. Yeah. And there's nothing wrong with that.
Your primary partner, the person who theoretically you're going home with at the end of the night, unless you piss them they're your responsibility that's your whole thing so forget about the other couple you're going to take care of your business and i think any couple who's in the lifestyle is going to first and foremost protect the relationship that they came into that event yeah so that's a really good point absolutely give let yeah you should be applauding them they're like oh they're talking it out they're taking care of each other good for them and so that's why i don't like when people say oh there's so much trauma like they'll just throw that term around like it's now if you if you have a couple that you see at every single party that's always in an argument.
Oh, sh**.
around like it's now if you if you have a couple that you see at every single party that's always in an argument oh sure um well yeah maybe they're but we've never seen that usually those people they just don't show up yeah they show up at one party and because if it's always a painful experience for them or if they're never on the same page they're not going to keep coming back and and all the commenters and youtube who are haters about the lifestyle are going to love this particular statement and that is there are couples who break up during their whole lifestyle experience we've made the argument, and we definitely believe this, that if you end up in a divorce or a breakup while you're in the lifestyle, it's probably not the lifestyle that broke you up, right?
It's probably all of those other underlying issues that have been eating away at your relationship before you even consider swinging. And that goes back to the whole swinging will not fix your marriage no it's it is not for people who are trying to like spice things up yeah you can spice things up sure but it's not a fix like go talk to our marriage counselor marriage counselor. Don't start swinging. Yeah, exactly. Absolutely. Hire a professional. And I mean, not a pro. Not like sex worker. Right. Like, hire a therapist. Although sex workers are quite therapeutic sometimes.
They do a lot of listening and talking to people. So, hey. Yeah, I agree. uh body count some people are very sensitive to your body count and they will ask you how many partners have you had how many single guys have you had how many right they want to know and it's a risk level assessment for them based on how they like to play. Yeah. And I think that kind of leans into another topic that we had in our list. We chose to avoid it because it was too serious. It was about STIs. And I think that's where a lot of that kind of like underlying body count phobia is.
And it's that it's that misconception that frequent flyers yeah are disease ridden right like they're not clean because they've had sex with too many people and that's not how diseases work because you could be a virgin have one sexual experience, and catch an STI. So frequency, sure, it increases your risk over time, you know, in the long game. But that is not a pure indicator of whether or not someone is, quote, clean.
And it's such a horrible way of describing it but yeah um free of sexually transmitted infections now if the person she slept with was diseased that freak hey there podcast listeners you've been tuning into our episodes but have you ever wondered about the steamy details of our adventures, or maybe hungry for some sultry, erotic stories? Well, guess what? We've got something special just for you. Our exclusive Patreon page. It's like a VIP pass to the saucier side of our world.
So if you're ready for an exclusive behind the mic experience head over to our patreon page now trust us this is where the magic happens see you there patrons a flyer and she was a virgin that's probably why that's the whole point of that's the whole thing comes down to count thing but it's not the one it's just something else it's people who are not practicing safe sex and end up with that but that's a different topic yeah and that's the key like what what is your risk level how are you practicing safe sex what are you use what are your methods how clean um are you being um so yeah there's there's a like you said it's a whole other episode which we might get into next time yeah and what's what's interesting about this body count concept i've definitely heard this from like from men in vanilla social media all about well she better be a virgin pure as white snow before i marry her have sex with her whatever right like the women have to be virgins that's still virgins but the guys of course they're all high-fiving each other that they've had sex with everybody that they could possibly get their hands on but those aren't the girls you marry right like that's the mentality yeah it's a cultural thing as well in certain cultures sure sure um i also think that it's that naive concept that you know they're pure right just because it's a cultural concept doesn't mean it's not naive it's just it's just based on something in that culture yeah and so what's interesting is to see that kind of cross over into the lifestyle because the whole point being in a lifestyle is to have sex with other people so then it starts to become a degree of right okay so you know you go in with your primary partner there's one person that you've had sex with but if you go to a party and you have sex with somebody then that's two people that you've had sex with okay when is it too much like when what's the threshold for too many five parties one a year sometimes it's number of partners a night so if someone's at a party and they see that you've had sex with five people that night right they're going to be like, no, not going to happen.
I've had some nights like that. So, you know, you just have to roll with it. Some people, you know, are going to have those preferences. And this in no way is shaming the people who have the body count issue or have a standard to which they hold themselves I don't know. This in no way is shaming the people who have the body count issue or have a standard to which they hold themselves for that. It's just be aware that there are people who are going to maybe ask you that and maybe have issue with how many people you've had sex with. Now, here's the other aspect of this.
most people do not, A, remember how many people they've had sex with now here's the other aspect of this most people do not a remember how many people they've had sex with and b uh may or may not be honest about who or how many people they've had sex with which also leads to that other episode we just finished talking about all right wow that topic really um that blew up that did blow up that was like six items there that got crazy yeah so do we have any comments questions things like that well i've been watching the chat i don't see anybody commenting except for leonardo 77 who commented at the very beginning uh who said congrats from brazil thank you for helping couples enter the lifestyle and of course thank you for watching leonardo great painter and sculptor by the way an inventor big fan of all your work but this is our maiden voyage we didn't make any announcements ahead of time oh yeah so we're just yeah it's a pop-up live is what it is absolutely and uh angel joined um the last time i was live when i was trying to set stuff up and kind of screwing around in the studio they i'm gonna i'm just going to assume they because i don't i don't know gender so i'm just going to go with they uh subscribed on twitch so thank you very much you're probably one of the i think you're the third subscriber on uh on twitch for us which is my favorite number super cool and yeah so what's next what what are we gonna do this uh every two weeks yeah the idea is that we're gonna do a a public live every two weeks so theoretically we're gonna try and do on mondays yesterday was a was it was a monday yeah we we had issues monday so we we rolled it to tuesday um but the idea is to try and do it on tuesday so that wednesday i can or monday so that i can edit the episode and get it up as like a regular episode on wednesday for general consumption um haven't worked out all the kinks still trying things so here you are watching us on our maiden voyage we did a previous session live which was for our patrons on patreon we let them really get the guinea pig treatment they like all kinds of stuff sideways And like I said, even the syncing for some reason your camera just this one is off just just a couple milliseconds i don't know what's going on with that yeah the patreon episode uh we were muted for about the first 20 minutes oh god i forgot about that so yeah that was terrible but we made it work ed ed fast forwarded the video and we were like and then we did a quick summary and then continued on yeah yeah it it happens it was all right it was all right so yeah we're we're trying this new thing um let us know in the comments whether you whether you like this new format think it's, uh, it's got some legs, so to speak, and you know, yeah, tell us what you think.
And if you're interested in our, I mentioned it, but if you're interested in our Patreon content, our behind the scenes stuff where you get kind of a sneak preview of everything that's going on in the podcast, but also what's going on in our personal lives a little bit more uh we we do a lot of con we do content every other week so patreon content would be for next week uh we will be remote we'll be out of studio yeah that episode and uh probably probably recording poolside oh yeah so that could be fun at our little resort our little yeah our resort. Oh, yeah. So that could be fun.
At our little resort. Our little, yeah, our resort. In the mountains. So, yeah, let's see. I got to do the right thing. Oh, yeah, it's right there. See, I can't even tell. So here we are. Now we're in Ask Us Anything mode, but there's nobody here to ask anything, or at least no one's chatted yet. So let's see. We'll see you next time. see can't even tell so here we are now we're in ask us anything mode but there's nobody here to ask anything or at least no one's chatted yet so let's see we've got seven viewers on youtube and what does twitch say i'm gonna read a spark card yeah go.
Well, you're doing your technology thing because we have people watching. And I really abhor when people are, like, looking at their screen. Right. And, like, not looking at you. So I'm looking at you. What is the most underrated simple pleasure in life? That's a really good question. Underrated simple pleasure.
Well, I mean, my first thing that pops into my head is naps, but that's kind of a simple, simple a good nap but sitting on a mountaintop because we do a lot of backpacking i love sitting on a mountaintop with binoculars and just looking at the scenery right i could do that honestly for an hour and i have.
It's better than a book secretly i'm trying to find bats or a bear or a mountain lion i'm right i swear someday i'm gonna i'm i will find the bear coming out of the cave on the mountainside i really want to see that someday but i haven't but we've seen bald eagles and all kinds of stuff i take that back about the mountain lion. I really don't want to see them. If I can see them, that means they can see me, and that's not good. Right, or smell you and come get you. So never mind on that one. Yeah, yeah, for sure. Yeah, simple pleasure. All right, let me have a card. Oh, another one? Yep.
Are we done with our technology thing that you're doing? I was just checking to see if there were people here. Well, I'm supposed to read the question or you you were going to read it and ask me well this one's for you oh which celebrity do most people often say that you look like well when my hair was blonde it was phoebe from friends because the mannerisms are are the same and I like to elongate my words. And that's amazing. And my facial expression, things like that. So it was a little more obvious when my hair was blonde, but. And you do like to bust out in song occasionally.
I do like to bust out in song.
Smelly cat, smell how are they treating you i used to get people calling me ed norton all the time so that's especially with your hair short and the goatee and yeah yeah there was a movie that he did which was a fantastic movie but it was really hard to watch um good story and i did for a long time i looked like no it was a different one i won't mention the name of the movie because it's it deals with a subject that i abhor okay but uh yeah uh okay so we're done with our topic i was reading sparkards while you were doing technology things because I didn't want people to be too bored.
So are we done? I think that's it. Unless anybody on the chat has a question or wants to ask us something. Because it's hot in here and because I turned up the ac so yeah and it's funny i can't see how many people for so the stream manager on twitch on this device is not very good um no self so thank you everyone for joining and we really appreciate your time hopefully it was interesting enough for you. And are you going to do some technology things now to kind of just figure things out because we're done, right? Yeah, we're going to, we're going to sign off here. Thank you very much.
As we say, tell a friend about our podcast, our show, and spread the word. We'd love to have more viewers. And check your social media for our announcement for the next episode when we come out. Oh, and go to our website and join the newsletter because we've got good things that come out in the newsletter as well. Yeah, we announce episodes and vacations and fun stuff. Share all kinds of fun articles by other people and stuff. Education. Education. Alright, folks. Thanks. Bye. We'll be right back. Oh, one last thing before you go.
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