Want to send us a message? We all go through periods of time where we feel like we don t look our best, or that we won t be accepted for how we look. Society doesn t help with our body image issues. Both men and women struggle with their appearance and self image. These feeling can affect your sex life, and your swinging fun. In this episode we share some stories and examples of these struggles as well as tip on how to get of our heads and get on with the fun. SHOW NOTES: PerceptionComparingWhy it Doesn t MatterCreating Confidence Support the showWant More?👀 Watch on YouTube: YouTube ShowFull video versions and interactive live episodes!Bonus episodes, exclusive content, and 🌶️Extras: https://www.patreon.com/SwingerUniversity 🛳️🎉Looking for lifestyle events in your area? T4P is the go-to directory for clubs, parties, and resort events. Browse now at Ticket4Play.com Custom SU T-shirts and gear: Our Amazon StoreSwingerLinks.com - live schedule, special offers*, and our 🌶️links!Our Website - Leave us a message, articles, and sexy products3 Ways to get your question on our show:RECORD it on our website at: https://swingeruniversity.com/contact/EMAIL a recorded voice note to: [email protected]: (916) 538-0482 and leave a voicemail.* We get a commission if you decide to purchase through our links, at no cost to you.
Transcript
We have to talk about something we've been genuinely excited about for months, and our patrons actually got a preview of this already. Jamaica! Yes, we are going back, and actually, we have a great offer for you guys. Yeah, it's Swingcation. It's October 11th through the 18th at Hedonism 2. And if you don't know what Swingcation is, it's pretty easy. Swinger plus kink plus vacation. It's a hosted group with real structure, workshops, lectures, real conversations with experts who are passionate about bringing and bridging that gap between the swinger world and the kink world.
And we're not just going as attendees. we're going as featured presenters, which is exciting. We'll be leading sessions. So if you come, we actually get to hang out with you. Which brings up something we should mention. When you use our code, yes, we got a code, you're not just getting a discount, you're getting the signature swing experience, which means $100 off per person, up to $200 per room, but it also means that we make time for you. An exclusive breakfast, lunch, cocktail hour, or one-hour and one time with us directly, plus more surprise benefits.
Here's something that's really unique. You could actually contribute by hosting a discussion or running a Skillshare. I know it's scary, but if you have something that you want to contribute, that's a big part of why this event is so special. Everyone there has something to bring to the table. All right, details. If you book before April 25th, you save $400. Plus, they gave us that special code that gets you an additional $200, and the special code is SWINGERU-VIP. So book through TicketForPlay.com forward slash Swinkie. That's T-I-C-K-E-T, the number four, play.com forward slash S-W-I-N-K-Y.
And use our code at checkout. And you guys, if you have any questions about the event, the resort, or what to expect, just reach out. I mean, we're here for you. We're happy to help. So once again, TicketForPlay.com forward slash Swinky, the code SwingerU-VIP. We really want to see you there. Welcome to Swinger University, where learning is fun and sexy, providing you lusty lifestyle lessons. Here are your hosts, Ed and Phoebe. Hi, this is Ed. And this is Phoebe. Today we're talking about body image and confidence. How do you perceive yourself and compare yourself to others?
We always do it, so we're going to tell you how to use it to your advantage and create confidence and acceptance. Yes. Today we're going to break it down by perception, comparison, why our perception of ourselves doesn't matter, and how to create confidence. Perception. It's self-talk. We all know that, and we've heard it and it goes through your mind plenty of times when you're getting ready for these events is anyone going to think i'm sexy i mean my husband does but he does anybody else yeah he doesn't count he counts but he doesn't count you Does anybody else? Yeah. He doesn't count.
He counts, but he doesn't count. You know. He has to say that. We've all heard it before. I think everybody goes through those periods of awkward introspection where you kind of overanalyze yourself and think a little too hard about how you're feeling or how you're looking. Right. And then you add on that pressure before an event because you don't really know what to expect. So you try to, what you said, overanalyze it. And really it's not that necessary. You just got to get out of your head. Yeah. It's hard to do, though. I mean, I get it.
Intellectually, you say that, but it's hard to do it until you practice it. And, you know, just keep patting yourself on the back every time you gain a little more confidence. And historically, women are bombarded by these photoshopped, airbrushed images of runway models and cosmopolitan, and they're not helping with these depictions. But what is helping lately is a lot of companies are not doing that. I know. They're showing the real model. Real women. Yeah. It's very refreshing. Not that supermodels are not real women, but... Right. But they're airbrushed also.
Average, everyday people you run into on the street, not the 2% of the population. Right're doing two things one showing real average people and two they're not doing their brushing like they used to right so it's really nice yeah you get to see stretch marks you see women who are a little curvier you see average proportioned women not you know overlyed women. In one way or the other. Right. Yeah. Speaks to most of us. Yeah. Yeah. I know. It's great. Love it.
So if you think you're not sexy, you think you're not out of shape, you think you have stretch marks or you have them, you don't just it you have them you have c-section scars you know um or maybe you have a breast missing due to cancer we'll tell you about that story later yeah it's it's all these are all concerns that we we have about what our body currently looks like based on where we're at well and and remember we're talking about perception so this is how you're perceiving those things sure not how other people look at them right so you tend to look at them and think that other people would judge you by them.
And that well that's not reality that's your perception of reality yeah we all we all like i said we all know it and i'll tell you why it doesn't really matter in the swinger world yeah comparing first thing we do is we compare ourselves to people in photos and people in person right go to an event or we meet a date and uh we are instantly comparing it's just it's what we, yeah. We size up individuals, and that's been something that humans have done for millennia.
There are a few tribes, not remembering the country, where they, maybe Ed will be able to remember this once I launch into the story a little bit more, where the tattoos for each tribe are different. And so that when they recognize each other in the forest, in the jungle, they know they recognize their tattoos and know instantly what, what area they're geographically from.
And that's really helpful to them because they're, it tells them a lot of information like they're friendly we can trade with them etc etc so there's this comparison right and they have demarcations on their skin to help with that right so it's very informational based yeah we're we're visual creatures and we We tend to look for things to get our bearings, to judge friend or foe, et cetera. It's ingrained in us. Yeah, especially with all the different languages that have existed over time. I mean, you can't rely on language to make that connection, and a lot of it's going to be visual.
So a lot of the photos that we end up comparing are looking through profile photos right so you know you're browsing through and you find a couple husband thinks that the couple's hot wife goes yeah but she's too hot so no pass that's happened it it has happened she's too x y or z everybody who's listening to this can relate to that in some respect he's too big i feel inadequate yeah she's too you know you name a an attribute and young oh yeah yeah something right yeah i know it's funny so all of that you No, obviously. Something. Right. Yeah. I know. It's funny.
So all of that, you know, obviously a waste of time. So stop it. Also, what you'll find is that the person online never or rarely matches up to them in real life. Right.
the photographs don't match up with the live speaking person right in some way or another and we've talked about this before in other episodes where you one you've you've changed over time and that's easy and then two is you you know this right you you take your photo and you're like oh my god you got my worst side you know it's it's that two-dimensional photograph but in real life you're just so much real but in real life you're more animated which makes everything better right yeah it's it's less flat and it's more flattering uh in in real life than you know maybe they had bad lighting in the photograph or was taken with a cheap camera or bad angle things like that right and of course then it could also be a fake photo so you know we've been there and talked about that so there you go they paid a professional photographer and they had boudoir lighting and all kinds of fancy stuff and their pictures look amazing but they don't look like that in real life because that was three hours in a makeup session to try and right the next thing we're going to talk about is why our perception of ourselves doesn't matter we've all had conversations with people that we thought were totally hot and then when you meet them and you're actually trying to have a conversation with you're like hmm not quite what i expected yeah this is uh not going well Oh, oh, not quite what I expected.
Yeah. This is not going well. Wah. We've met people in the opposite spectrum, too, where average picture, not too exciting. Right. Meet them in person. Great personality. Yeah. Super sexy and flirty yes and funny and engaged and just interesting i mean and confident and confident yes that's what's very sexy confidence so you're getting the picture people are more sexy in person and our advice is you know go to go to a swinger club or an event and you'll see all the different body types and the people enjoying themselves. Yeah. Everybody has a good time. Yeah.
Or I should say everyone has the opportunity to have a good time. Yes. How to create this confidence? You're all asking. You're wondering. Like, what? All right. How do I do this?
For for us we stepped up our game we started exercising more right which meant we felt better about ourselves because endorphins and all those happy hormones that we've talked about in other episodes yeah and the bonus was we lost a little weight while doing it too so yeah and i feel confident i feel more confident when i'm exercising because i i just feel more upbeat like my blood's flowing better i'm i've got better posture i i'm not as tired or run down like i've got more energy right exactly we whitened our teeth we got new haircuts color and then of course i did eyelashes and nails and spray tanning and we even did some botox cha gotta stay looking young it's I was opposed to it at first but you know it's not so bad it's not so bad you know you get over time you get the little frown in between your eyebrows and you just look angry all the time or serious and when you get that those little lines injected all of a sudden you look happy again you look relaxed get rid of all those parental years that wore into your face right gotta erase those lines yeah all the grooming i mean yeah shaving getting yourself all pruned and spruced before you landscapingcaping.
Before you go. Lasering. If you've done some laser hair removal. No lasers. Lasers are for cats. All right. Knowing what you like during sex and asking for it. Very empowering. And exciting to be on the receiving end of instructions because I love it when a woman tells me what she wants or to do more of something or to do something different because then there's a dialogue. There's something, there's communication going on and it's a great conversation to be had. Yes. I mean, we're not talking about the weather.
We're talking about moving her closer to that goal post yes and there's that sense of power of you know control over the pleasure of somebody else it's very intoxicating and then that kind of feeds back with the confidence so it you should try it just just put it in your mind that you you're just gonna say all right this time at the swinger event I'm just gonna ask for someone to eat my pussy or I'm gonna ask someone to lick it harder or i'm gonna ask someone to kiss me behind my neck or something right all you have to do is start small with one person and the side effect for that too is if you're telling your partner what you want and you get what you ask for you're going to have a better time which of course makes makes it more fun and your confidence goes up that the next time you go to an event it's going to be just as good oh yeah so you start to build up the it's the fake it till you make it yes, yes.
Dress up, wear lingerie if it makes you feel sexy. Upgrade your wardrobe. Yeah, get a fancy new outfit. Get a new hot dress. And if you're a guy, dress up a little bit. Put the jeans back in the drawer.
Put on some nice slacks yeah something sexy yeah exactly and the best way is to really try and get out of your head and i know i said this earlier but here's a technique that worked for us go introduce yourself just walk up to somebody and just do it right hi i'm phoebe this is ed who are you it projects confidence walking up to somebody just having the the guts to walk up to somebody and start a conversation that couple that you go talk to is going to be like wow they're they came to us they came to talk to us that's kind of hot wow and pretty soon you're like oh that that wasn't so hard and then you just then if that's all that you got for the night then call that a win but guaranteed you're probably gonna be like i need to try that again and so then all of a sudden you're around the room second second couple and then you're like around the room third couple then pretty soon you might be the butterfly and you've talked to 10 12 couples and then all night long you're running into people oh hi oh yeah i remember you oh yeah we said hi earlier in the night i found you let's go to the playroom very quick just easy like that super super easy one of the parties that we went to was on this massive houseboat yeah it was a like a triple decker houseboat they had owned they owned that i think they had a hot tub on it i'm pretty sure there was a hot tub yes there was up top slides hot tub um lower bedrooms full kitchen like yeah it was It was like a house on was really nice not like your normal rental houseboats this was yeah this was pretty good this was this was nice they had it decorated on the inside they had art up on the walls that kind of stuff they had a massage table set up yes which is where this part of the story kind of yeah yeah so tell.
So tell it. So we'd met a number of couples. We'd have been invited by one couple and we were being introduced. It was a birthday party, if I remember right. Yeah. And we were having a great time meeting lots of people. And we get introduced to this couple he's a dj um i don't remember that you don't remember that yeah he's a dj and his wife was very attractive she had a great personality great skin skin, beautiful face, and great personality. But what was really interesting about this woman, despite the confidence that she exuded, she had lost one of her breasts to breast cancer. Yeah.
And she didn't have it augmented augmented no and was a little and and was a little self-conscious about it right but not to the point where it kept her from having a good time right and it didn't detract from her sex appeal at all oh no not at all no i mean i they they brought it up she i think she apologized for it and we were all like what really you're naked on this massage table we didn't even notice i mean we noticed that you have a breast but like the fact that the other one's missing is not like like there's so much of you that's sexy like we just went oh she's minus a breast big deal oh yeah like we didn't i mean eight eight of us standing around the bed because it was a group massage it was a multi-hand massage we're all like oh yeah whatever yeah wasn't even a thing no it wasn't a thing and it was amazing it was i mean to this day obviously we we still remember that and i remember her and i just i i thought wow you know if she can lay herself down on a massage table in front of eight people with one breast then that's i i applaud her her confidence and yeah yeah it was it was great yeah it was really nice it was it was a great moment so much fun and we've run into them uh at one other time up at poker nights and great still a great couple very sexy yeah a lot of fun is that where they live yeah up there yeah they're in the reno area very often yeah we haven't seen them in forever maybe they'll be here for the next upcoming event maybe i haven't seen them on this side of the hill in years but who knows this will be our first event after covid the first hotel takeover event it's been like a year and a half i know so excited yeah we're looking forward to so yes the haircut's happening their hair color's happening the softening's happening everything's happening the nails blah it's a busy week yep and the eyelashes trim it's it's fun for me it's fun it's not necessary but it's fun it's part of the process but i think you enjoy the ritual of it i like the ritual of it because it seems to make the event last longer because it's only one night you know so you get a little build up before although I'll see you next time.
of it because it seems to make the event last longer. Because it's only one night, you know, so. You get a little build-up before. Although, the memory of the night after it's over does last quite a while, too, so. It's good, you know. It's all good. In closing, confidence matters.
Bottom line, confidence is sexy my observation many people in the lifestyle seem to be secure and free to just be just be themselves and it's beautiful in its own right just to be free and it may seem that the perception is that everyone has has this all figured out but it's beautiful in its own right just to be free. And it may seem that the perception is that everyone has this all figured out, but it's really not true. No, we're all faking it. Yeah, we're all faking it. And, you know, there's someone for everyone at these events and resorts.
Sexy truly is, in the eye of the beholder what what turns one person on is different for first for somebody else so go to the next event with your your confident thoughts yeah introduce yourself and fake it till you make it very well said ed before you turn off our podcast to take care of all the vanilla things pulling you away, please reach out and give us a review. I know, mashing a star is so much easier. But a review is so much better for sharing your love of what we're doing with others. We would appreciate it.
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