Want to send us a message? Are terms like DTF or friends with benefits shaping the swinger lifestyle, or are they masking deeper dynamics? Are swinger just hiding behind the safety of the friends label? In this video, we explore the complexities of forming friendships within the lifestyle, discuss the challenges and stigmas tied to DTF and FWB, and uncover how labels impact relationships. Whether you re navigating ENM, curious about swinging, or just seeking insight, this episode has something for everyone.🔑 Key Moments:00:00:00 - Introduction: Is DTF a bad thing?00:00:26 - Aren t we all DTF?00:03:00 - The stigma of being DTF in the lifestyle00:07:15 - Defining friends with benefits vs. true friendship00:08:43 - Stigma and Shame surrounding sex00:10:05 - Urban myths - They re muscles so exercise them!00:12:30 - Navigating challenges in FWB relationships00:18:45 - Are labels hiding deeper truths about swingers?00:24:00 - Practical tips for forming meaningful connections00:34:00 - The Friend Zone00:39:03 - Wrap Up and Questions For You Support the showWant More?👀 Watch on YouTube: YouTube ShowFull video versions and interactive live episodes!Bonus episodes, exclusive content, and 🌶️Extras: https://www.patreon.com/SwingerUniversity 🛳️🎉Looking for lifestyle events in your area? T4P is the go-to directory for clubs, parties, and resort events. Browse now at Ticket4Play.com Custom SU T-shirts and gear: Our Amazon StoreSwingerLinks.com - live schedule, special offers*, and our 🌶️links!Our Website - Leave us a message, articles, and sexy products3 Ways to get your question on our show:RECORD it on our website at: https://swingeruniversity.com/contact/EMAIL a recorded voice note to: [email protected]: (916) 538-0482 and leave a voicemail.* We get a commission if you decide to purchase through our links, at no cost to you.
Transcript
We have to talk about something we've been genuinely excited about for months, and our patrons actually got a preview of this already. Jamaica! Yes, we are going back, and actually, we have a great offer for you guys. Yeah, it's Swingcation. It's October 11th through the 18th at Hedonism 2. And if you don't know what Swingcation is, it's pretty easy. Swinger plus kink plus vacation. It's a hosted group with real structure, workshops, lectures, real conversations with experts who are passionate about bringing and bridging that gap between the swinger world and the kink world.
And we're not just going as attendees. We're going as featured presenters, which is exciting. We'll be leading sessions. So if you come, we actually get to hang out with you. Which brings up something we should mention. When you use our code, yes, we got a code, you're not just getting a discount. You're getting the signature swing experience, which means $100 off per person, up to $200 per room, but it also means that we make time for you. An exclusive breakfast, lunch, cocktail hour, or one-hour and one time with us directly, plus more surprise benefits.
Here's something that's really unique. You could actually contribute by hosting a discussion or running a Skillshare. I know it's scary, but if you have something that you want to contribute, that's a big part of why this event is so special. Everyone there has something to bring to the table. All right, details. If you book before April 25th, you save $400. Plus, they gave us that special code that gets you an additional $200, and the special code is SWINGERU-VIP. So book through TicketForPlay.com forward slash Swinky. That's T-I-C-K-E-T, the number four, play.com forward slash S-W-I-N-K-Y.
And use our code at checkout. And you guys, if you have any questions about the event, the resort, or what to expect, just reach out. I mean, we're here for you. We're happy to help. So once again, TicketForPlay.com forward slash Swinky, the code SwingerU-VIP. We really want to see you there. Is being DTF a bad thing? Is describing yourself as friends with benefits more acceptable? Are you perpetually in the friend zone? Do you think swingers hide behind these labels, but they're secretly all DTF? I don't know. I tend to think so. And here's why.
The dictionary definition says that DTF is an indication of willingness for a sexual encounter. Well, that sounds like all swingers. So, right. Aren't we all willing?
Like, isn't that the whole point that we're all willing to have sex with somebody else yes 100 so in the swinger community dtf is thought of as differently yeah i think the definition that people have in their minds is more a willingness to have sex with anybody who's breathing yeah he's in the bowl hike it to the bathroom and get down to business anybody anywhere anytime yes and that is the furthest from yeah i think we can break down some dtf examples of of how it's probably a little different than that understanding of it yeah so let's let's just say how dtf is beneficial right it talking can be awkward a lot of talking can be awkward it can be laborious maybe you don't know what to say you you know, some kid's soccer game or something, and then you get nervous because you're like, oh, I'm not supposed to talk about that.
I'm not supposed to talk. Right. Keep it sexy. Don't go into politics. Don't talk about the kids. Like, what are you supposed to connect on, right? Right. DTF also saves time. And DTF is always new, exciting, and novel. Not to say that friends with benefits can't be that way.
And I think that that novelty aspect of kind of walking into a party and being open to sex with anyone really does kind of open up that NRE, that hunt, the chase, that sense of kind of conquest that you get when you kind of walk into a nightclub and you see somebody who's sexy across the room and you go, I wonder if they'd be interested in having sex. It's that hookup culture. Right. That goes back to your dating life and what it was like to be in your 20s. Absolutely. Right. Never met them before. Haven't had a conversation.
Do I have game enough to connect with that person that they'd be willing to have sex? Yes. Now, we have the hookup culture, and the hookup culture is a very empowering attitude towards sex. But it does come with a stigma. There absolutely is some level of stigma in the swinger community towards DTF. At least from the perspective of the people who need to be friends first.
It's the other side side of the coin right it's the dark side if you will of swinging right there's that devaluing of this pursuit yeah i think the way i would describe it is there there's a more noble pursuit of being friends with someone get it really to know them, bonding with them, going to chili cookouts with them that makes it not dirty, that makes it not cheap or easy. But that that's interesting. So do you think people label themselves as friends with benefits because the DTF is dirty and they're already doing something dirty and secretive?
Yeah, I think it's a little bit of a buffer from that stigma, that easy, the slut-shaming aspect of what DTF is. Interesting. I wonder if that has something to do with it. Let's dig into that a little bit. Friends with benefits. Okay. Let's say that that is a more noble pursuit. Let's say that that's the better way to go, right? Because just being a slut and having sex with anybody is just bad. How do you qualify or quantify friendship? Like what is friendship at a house party? You just met somebody. Do you have to wait till the second date to have sex with somebody?
Do you, you know, is this a five minute conversation or is this like you've seen them at event after event after event and six months later, then you can finally have sex. Right. Yeah. If you, if you go to a desire resort and you're there for a whole week, do you have to wait till Thursday night before you leave?
Or is it okay to have sex with somebody sooner than that right and and if it's sooner then are you actually DTF right exactly and nobody has that but everyone's quick to label nobody nobody can define it but everyone's quick to label it right I fully understand that people want an interaction between two individuals to mean more and they want to trust you because you are opening your precious relationship to another couple. And of course you want them to be respectful and caring towards your spouse or other significant person.
I think a lot of the stigma around DTF versus friends with benefits comes down to the body count issue and not feeling like a number. Right. That they actually have a personality and there's a connection with those people. And I think a lot of that connection aspect, it's almost an emotional connection. And we've talked about this before where with a little bit of an emotional connection with people, the sex is usually better. Yeah.
And it's really more specifically the intimacy with another person it's not like you're getting attached to them but you are sharing a very intimate moment there can be some tenderness there there can be some some petting and some cuddling after there's you know kind words there's sexy things said, there's all kinds of intimate things that are occurring. And I think a lot of the intimacy I think that you and I really enjoy is the kind of letting your guard down a little bit and having fun in the bedroom because you feel comfortable enough with that person to just be yourself.
And I think that's, that's another one of those aspects of the friends part is that you can kind of hang out with your friends. So you're yourself, right? You're not putting on a facade. You're not putting on this persona of whatever. Right.
But we have had experiences in the past where we've been in DTF situations and we've laughed and asked for people's names afterwards oh yeah we've had a really great time so and even though we get their contact information you know we never hear from them again right probably because and this is another big advantage of DTF they got out of the lifestyle yeah they tried it once so we would never have the chance to actually become friends with them because over time they disappear right and that was it opportunity. Your one-shot opportunity, which is why DTF worked in those situations.
Absolutely. We've got two hours to get to know somebody and connect with them, and then they're out. Yep. And we'll go through that whole list of other reasons why DTF really worked for us. There's also stigmas around women, slut shaming and body counts. I think that is pervasive in people's minds still, even though they may not think about it. It's a perception that's in the back of your head about how women should be and how they should own their sexuality. When we started swinging, I didn't really step into my own sexuality until we started swinging.
And I realized how powerful my sexuality was. And I owned that. And I could ask for what I wanted.
And I could tell people what i liked but that i i hadn't i mean that that happened when i was in my what 40s yeah late 40s yeah i mean and and i've had a lot of sexual experiences but the swinger community really brought that out of me and it that comfort that that ease ease of being able to express yourself yeah yeah and because women are the the gas and the brakes yeah that sense of power that i had to control my environment was massive yeah and getting comfortable with that power took a hot hot second yeah and it it's interesting we've we've watched a couple documentaries recently talking about sex and you know looseness if you will not only from the sociological standpoint but also from the physiological standpoint and it's interesting because there's this misconception that women who have sex all the time have loose vaginas.
Men who have anal sex all the time, this was with men who have sex with men, that the incontinence issue. And someone brilliantly pointed out that those are muscles. What happens when you exercise a muscle? It gets stronger. Therefore, it would actually get tighter. So the whole like Kegel exercise thing, that's exercising those muscles. Well, sex can do the same thing. Orgasms are a contraction of all of those muscles.
So having a lot of orgasms, working your muscles out it's not getting looser i know this was just more slut shaming of women right so it's just like it's a horrible mischaracterization of what sex does to you i think the other kind of mischaracterization that kind of goes with slut shaming is the the disease factor right the stis but if you're practicing safer sex if you're using condoms if you're washing between partners if you're doing all the good swinger etiquette things to kind of take care of yourself in a kind of random environment you're cutting your risks down significantly yeah i mean condoms are pretty effective at stopping the transmission of diseases yes yes most stis so it's not 100 it's not foolproof no but but it's a lot safer than barebacking.
What's the other term we learned in the other day? Oh, yeah. We were watching a TV show, raw dogging, which is an older term. But yeah, raw dogging. Raw dogging. Well, we should bring that back. It just sounds raw. Not do it, but just bring the term back. Bring the term back.
I don't want to do that do that yeah i'll only do that with you yeah yeah so some examples of shaming sure that we've heard about in the lifestyle is someone said to us there they met this woman and they said well well, she said, if, if you're not an asshole and you avoid saying anything stupid, I'm just going to fuck you. Okay. Can we talk about October for a second? Oh my God. Yeah. I've been waiting for this.
We were invited to be guest speakers for two engagements on a six-star crystal cruise ship with 310 lifestyle couples and it sails from montreal to boston during the peak foliage season i'm super excited and honestly i'm really nervous yeah it's kind of a version of like a swinger TED talk that we're going to have to do. Oh my God, I know. And more importantly, if you know the brand, it's LLV, Luxury Lifestyle Vacations. You may have seen them and they're sexy playmakers with their fun red hats. This ship, the Crystal Symphony, is classy.
butler service for every single room michelin rated restaurants full spa clothing optional sensual playrooms like everything theme nights and international dj so it's luxury and nudity oh man this is gonna be great the bottom line is we want you there with us it's 310 couples and like all their vacations they book up fast they really do their vacations are extremely popular so please come with us and in order to find it all you have to do is go to rswingerlinks.com and look for the LLV Sensual Voyage. We hope you'll join us. Which I think is somewhat reasonable if you think about it.
Like you just met somebody, you're at a swinger event. and in context if you if you just said well as long as the guy's not an asshole and i'm attracted to him why wouldn't i have sex with them yeah that seems perfectly reasonable to me it does seem perfectly reasonable to me and i think the evaluation of whether someone is an asshole or not is part of that getting to know them thing, which is, in a sense, the one-minute to five-minute to ten-minute friendship evaluation. Like, could you be friends with this person? Yeah, they're not an asshole. I could get along with them. Right.
And so, why would you put your value system on somebody else? Because, oh, they didn't spend a whole hour getting to know them. Maybe they only need five minutes. Maybe they just hit it off. I mean, everybody's heard of love at first sight, right? Or that whole NRE thing where they're just like. Cross the bar, sparks flying, eyes make contact. Yep, yep. Oh, yeah. Why not? Why not?
You're gonna go, you you know maybe the next party oh they're not there oh yeah you're gonna miss out yeah yes so you know a lot of people if if if they're polite and they're consenting then they're they're good to go yeah right um but i do understand a lot of people need more time they need to have conversations and things like that i i kind of get some people's perspective from the the friend's first point of view it kind of goes back to and this is a this is a term that's being fleshed out more and and we're starting to hear it more and that's demisexual that's people who need to have an emotional connection with someone before they have sex with them i kind of get that especially if that's how you have sexual arousal like right you're not aroused by someone unless you're kind of emotionally connected to them.
And I get just walking up to somebody that you don't have any kind of emotional connection to them. But the question comes back to how long does it take to build that emotional connection that like i get this person person, I, I, I get this person, right? Like what, what kinds of things can happen in a conversation and to, to then label yourself as only Demi or, or sapiosexual, right? Where you need that intellectual conversation to stimulate you. Right, right. And I think all of us to a certain degree are that.
I'm fairly certain that that's a spectrum and that I certainly am comfortable having sex with random people.
I don't have to know someone for a very long time to have sex with them but i certainly have to be attracted to them and a lot of my attraction has to do with are they funny are they engaging right maybe they're a little assertive i kind of like an assertive woman yeah because it shows that they've got some enthusiasm and some confidence and confidence is sexy right so you've got to be able to see those characteristics of a person before you can really build that spark yeah and i get that that totally makes sense i also think dtf is very situational so much because your club environment versus your resort environment is going to be completely different yeah the pace is different yes so a nightclub is definitely you know the bar closes at two yep so you you got to make your moves fast you got to find the people there's a lot of activity in a very small space yeah time is of the essence and the quality of the connection is going to be different because in a club it's a loud environment right so you really don't have good conversations.
You can't. You can't have a good conversation. They're very surface. So, you really don't have good conversations. You can't. You can't have a good conversation. They're very surface. What? What? Yeah. Huh? That's so funny. I can't hear them at all. Exactly. So, I could imagine at a resort, it's, well, we've been to a resort. So, yes, we do know there are plenty of opportunities over breakfast, lunch, dinner, et cetera, down by the beach, whatever, at the pool. You're lounging. You go for a walk. Yes. You're on an excursion with somebody. Yes. You're bonding over cocoa beans in the woods.
Like, I get it. I get it. So looking back, now that we've been swingers for 11 plus years, our first experiences were very DTF. And a lot of that was the area we live in. Yep. We don't have clubs here. Well, there is one, but it's far away. What's available in your area highly depends on really how you swing. Your finances. We didn't have money to get on a cruise. We didn't have money to go to an adult resort. We were busy raising kids. We didn't have time to spend away. So we relied on house parties. We relied on parties that were happening four times a year.
They had the big Halloween, the New Year's, the glow party, and something else. That was it. We found ourselves in orgies a lot of the time. And had a lot of fun and we really liked those are really DTF scenarios very much so yeah you're not having a lot of conversation with people in fact sometimes you're not saying anything to that person and we would go and we would observe orgies. And sometimes we'd jump in. Sometimes we'd just sit and watch. Sometimes someone would give us a little come-hither finger and we'd participate. But they always started off gentle and soft.
They didn't always turn into full. But we really had some wonderful, caring, fun, great experiences in orgies that were defined as DTF. We didn't know most of those people. In fact, we hadn't even seen them until we got in that room. Yeah. There were a lot of times where we would do the mingle thing down on the dance floor and we would introduce ourselves and meet people, but none of them were going to the playroom. So by the time we got up to the playroom, it was getting later. People would play really, really late in the evening. And we didn't want to wait.
So we would just start playing early or start playing before anybody else had started. And we would end up kind of stirring up the crowd and getting people to join in with us. And there wasn't a lot of conversation. No. I mean, you don't want to kill the mood. You have your basic conversation about, here are my condoms, here are my lube. I like this. I like this, this, and this. I don't want that, that, and that. Right. And you're good to go.
So the other thing I loved about orgies was people are always talking about that synergy or you know we have to wait till the stars align and you know when you know you know well a lot of times we would walk into a room where the orgy was and you could just feel the electricity right and you knew you wanted to be part of it. Right. You knew that you needed to be in on that bed in the action. Yep. And so we would. We would step up, and we would ask politely, can we join or can I touch? And people would respond, whether they said yes or no. Sometimes we would get a no.
Sometimes they said, we're only playing together for now. Right. A lot of parallel play, for sure. Yeah. It wasn't very often, but that's where I think people are missing out on some really great opportunities to be DTF because you're missing out on those synergized moments right those electric moments that are that people keep talking about right yeah that once in a lifetime chance at something, right? So in those orgy situations that we found ourselves in, especially the early ones, which were very soft swap, did you ever feel like you weren't being cared for or that you were being used?
here's why we sail on Virgin. It's adults only. No kids screaming at breakfast. No family buffet lines. Just champagne at noon. Late night pool parties and people who actually want to be there. The vibe? Think boutique hotel that happens to float. Tattoo parlors, drag brunch, restaurants you'd actually pay for on land. Plus, when you're looking to connect with other couples who know how to have fun, let's just say Virgin attracts a very specific type of adventurous.
No wonder Bread Cruisers here just your people no no because i had a voice i was still practicing how to use my voice Sometimes I was worried more about how others felt than how I felt but I never felt like anyone was uncaring or rude or you know breaking any boundaries yeah and I had the same impression during those experiences. Everybody was very in tune with each other. There was a lot of – and this was some of the magic of what those early experiences were. There was a lot of nonverbal consent granted.
You could just tell by their body language and their facial expressions and how they approached you that they were respectful, that they wanted to participate, but they, you know, were being gentle. Yeah. Yeah. I liked, I liked those. That was a fun time. Yeah. It was a fun time. We had a good first few years after we got over the awkward. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Ugly duckling phase. Right. All right. So, friends with benefits. Let's talk about that. This is defined as friends who trust each other enough to engage in sexual activity.
great classic definition right and i think the the kind of the urban dictionary version is hey you up so just that friend you can call anytime and you are so comfortable with them that you could just have sex with them at any point. Right. Or not have sex with them. Right. Although I think it tends to be, and you can answer this better than me, people who you predominantly call not to hang out and be friends with, but just to call for like a booty call. Yeah. The friends with, yes.
And so good so good point the friends with benefits not lifestyle is really it's it's more like a single person who you're dtf with all the time yes yes you don't go to dinner with them you don't hang out don't go to your kids soccer game so it's really light on the friend part. Yes. It's mostly the benefits. Right. But in the swinger community, it's more heavy on the friend side. Right. A lot more barbecues. With a little bit of benefits. More cocktail weenies than weenies. Got it. Got it. So I get this friendship aspect. For women, we like to feel safe, right?
Safety is key to feeling erotic or allowing that eroticism to come out. And women experience safety differently in the world than men do. And we need a little bit of that emotion connection or that intimacy that we were talking about earlier. So the safety is really key to that. Yeah. I mean, it's an invasive process, especially if you're talking about full-on penis in vagina penetrative sex or or even oral sex of that part like for a guy it's pretty external like everything's on the outside but you we're very internal yeah you gotta absorb that yes so yes i get that's intimate. I know.
What is some of the downsides of friends with benefits? I mean, the safety is good. We talked about that. I mean, it's pluses. I don't know how many other pluses you get to know them. There's that trust in the caring and things like that. It makes you feel comfortable. The downsides are. I think the biggest downside that we've experienced with the friends with benefits and, and to be clear, we've moved out of the DTF. Yes. Sort of. We're, we're swinging back towards the friends with benefits side because we want that deeper emotional connection. Yeah.
But this has been our struggle with the whole finding friends in the lifestyle. Yeah. You go. We invest a significant amount of time really getting to know someone and hanging out with them and spending time with them.
And then they get out of the lifestyle yeah they have their own thing they've got to figure something out and not only do we not have the friends with benefits anymore yeah a lot of times when people exit from the lifestyle they exit yes they don't talk to anybody in the lifestyle anymore they are done done yeah and we've had friends we've talked about this before on the podcast that we can't even have go have dinner with them right they don't call us for you know hot wings or you get so friendly that you start learning things about them that make them less attractive, like maybe their political stance.
Yes. And sometimes, especially in these days, it can be a deal breaker for some couples. Yeah, yeah. And it's disappointing. And a lot of people I know are saying, well, that's your mistake for talking politics. Well, sometimes it just kind of- Comes up.
Comes up casually and people go there and you try to stop the conversation from going there and it happens yeah or you just happen to stumble across their social media platform yeah and their profile and then then it's over which goes back to our whole thing which is like social media is fucking evil because it has the potential to ruin a friendship with someone because now you've seen what they post. You've seen the way that they interact with maybe the outside world. They may be really nice to you, but whatever their stance is, you just can't stand for that. Right.
it takes a lot of time to to build those swinger friendships oh yeah your it's weeks of of a build-up the chatting online maybe the exchange of pictures trying to coordinate a date with four people almost impossible and then of course, setting the time, picking the place. Oh, what does everybody want to eat that night, right? People are picky. And then you get there and it gets to game day and it's not so great.
I mean, I can't tell you how many, you know, 20 hours invested in a friendship and you go and you finally meet them for dinner and you're like god i can't wait to get out of here right it's like what a waste of my time yeah and i think a lot of that is one the kind of like online flirting thing versus the real life flirting thing right but even if you've been on several dates with them especially if you you're waiting, you've got this friends with benefits mindset, you're waiting to really get to know them. Yes.
By the time you really do get to know them, you may not actually find them sexually attractive anymore. Because you know too much. Yeah. It gets in the way of having fun sexually. Or you've waited so long that you don't know how to transition anymore. You're such good friends, which we're going to talk about. So too much talking, never get to fucking. And the adult resorts sometimes I'm sorry. I'm, sometimes they are great. They really are. You have a lot of time to get to know somebody. But sometimes… That's a slippery slope. Yeah.
Because I think a lot of people get so comfortable hanging out and doing the pool activities and playing shuffleboard that they forget that they're there to meet couples and hook up right and by the time they wake up after their fourth all-nighter drinky right karaoke bar piano dueling session yeah they realize holy shit we're going home in two days we haven't fucked anybody yeah we just spent five grand to get here and we paid the swinger tax and haven't had any swinging experience right and five grand is the conservative dollar amount yeah depending on which resort and which room you have and where you flew from.
Right. So, yes, if you're not verbally expressing your interest and you're not making that proposal. Right. And you're not sealing the deal. Yep. Which we have a podcast on as well.
Yep, we're going to be doing that one very soon then you're not going to get to the finish line yeah so your nre your new relationship energy gets depleted you started off great at the first part of the week and now it's just right and now it could be different if depending on how you've defined your friendship right maybe your friends are people you only see twice a year at the same resort every year right i could see how your nre would be supercharged right because you only see them twice a year and maybe you flirt throughout the year and kind of build up that tension so that when you finally get to the resort you're like let's go ready to go i can't wait right but it really depends on how often you see that couple yeah and i i think it depends a lot on the dynamic with that couple.
Um, I can, I can picture some of the couples that we've hooked up with before kind of having that kind of ongoing spark. Um, but, but that's not very often. That's not very common to have that like supercharged sexual energy. No, it's not. And usually it burns out. Burns too hot, too quick. And it fizzles. Or like we said, they get out of it. Or they get out of it. Or something weird happens. The big risk. So then what happens when you're friend zoned? Yeah, you come to regard someone solely as a friend despite their sexual interest. And now they're just comfy slippers.
And this is really the death of a swinging opportunity, honestly. Yeah, we've had this happen. We've had this happen to us. We've heard it from other couples we've had this happen we've had this happen to us we've heard it from other couples who've had this happen there was a a quad plus because they had a few extras that would kind of rotate through the uh yeah we had heard from them that you know after a while it kind of gets a little SSDD, same shit, different day. Yeah. Right. And we're swingers. We like novelty.
So hence, right, new, you're always trying to bring in the new and bringing in the new, especially if you want friends, takes time. It takes time to cultivate that. So, if you're looking for more sexual experiences on a regular basis, DTF might be your jam. Maybe you consider it. Absolutely. Now, some people have said, well, if it gets too comfy, you can always just bring it back. You just need to revive that spark. You could play a sex game or just talk to them and say, hey, it's been a while since we've done, you know. Yeah, let's set up a play date. Let's set up a play date.
But not everybody could do that, right? Some people feel like once you've slipped into that friend zone, it's just dead. Yeah, it's hard to jumpstart that spark again. Yeah.
And when that spark, that NRE is good, it's got that afterburn effect right it's you're you're coasting your hormones are lingering and it increases passion with your primary partner and then when it's gone uh it's gone right so and we definitely found that in in our early experiences where these new kind of really exciting sexual experiences would get us pumped up and recharged and it would kind of recharge our batteries for sometimes weeks or a month afterwards at least until next party. And then we would kickstart it off again and go over and over and over again.
And it was really good for that to kind of have those hormones from a new relationship, but not have to be in a new relationship. Right. And what was great about the orgies was you really didn't depend on NRE. It was a different type of energy and synergy that was going on. Yeah, it was just sexual magnetism, just everything going. Right. So we still had a great time, but we didn't have that sparky thing that a lot of people are looking for in order to hook up. Right. It was just the situation that was sparky. Right. Exactly.
If you're waiting for the stars to align, you're waiting for that energy, that spark to happen, sometimes you could wait and you don't pull the trigger and then it starts to fade right and right maybe your inhibitions are altered because you've been drinking or doing whatever and the first time is great but the next time you meet up you're sober and now the spark's not there they're not quite as interesting as they were the last time they're not quite as funny as they were so this whole i guess the point i'm getting to is this whole focus on finding that spark that those people with that nre energy that's what it's going to take for me to you know fuck you um that's pretty rare that's pretty rare yeah and i i think we've definitely found that it's more situation that creates that spark and yes energy than the individual people and that's not to say that the people weren't sexy or that they weren't interesting.
It's just that being in a charge situation where people are horny and a lot of people that are horny in a small space makes for a lot of fun energy. Exactly. So we want to know what your thoughts are on DTF, FWB, and the friend zone couples. Do you think they hide behind definitions like FWB and friend zone because they're afraid of labeling themselves as DTF? Do you see value in DTF? We hope we inspired some interesting thoughts and perspectives with these definitions and our banter back and forth.
But we are hoping to de-stigmatize DTF and the community and really encourage you to type in your comments. Maybe if DTF kind of sits uncomfortably with you and you're not full on DTF and you still need a little bit of that connection, maybe you're a hybrid model. Maybe you're somewhere in between the two. And I think that that's where probably most of us are. We've talked about sexuality being very fluid. It's a spectrum.
I think that this balance between having friendships and being open for any kind of sexual experience or open to sexual experiences allows us to kind of have some fluidity between those two definitions. And I think this is one of the reasons why definitions are sometimes shied away from by a lot of people because if you label yourself, does that mean that that's the only way that you define yourself or is there some nuance there or some subtlety?
And I think that there's a lot of nuance and subtlety between DTF and friends with benefits because I think we fit somewhere in the middle between those two. And depending on the situation, we're a little bit more one or the other. Yeah, yeah. It highly depends on the situation. Yeah, absolutely. Thanks for tuning in. We appreciate you joining our community and hanging out with us. Don't forget your homework. Tell a friend about our show. And if you like, leave a review and a comment. You can also leave us a voicemail at 916-538-0482. We'd love to hear your comments.
We'd love to hear your voices. And if you have a great story about DTF or friends with benefits that you'd like to share with us, feel free to leave us a message. We'll even use you in the show. If you want to be anonymous, no problem. If you want to tell everybody your screen name, go for that too. We're open to that. You can also reach us at swingeruniversity.com. We have a website, we've got a newsletter, we've got all kinds of fun, informative content, sexy content on that site. And you can find all of the different social media platforms that we're on right there.
And as we like to say, keep learning, keep growing, and keep it sexy. Oh, one last thing before you go. If this episode helped you in any way, the single best thing you can do to support the show is leaving a rating and review. It takes 60 seconds and helps new people find us when they're searching for relationship education. And we've made it easy. We'll be right back. and review. It takes 60 seconds and helps new people find us when they're searching for relationship education. And we've made it easy. Visit swingeruniversity.com forward slash review. All the instructions are there.
Thank you for being part of this community. We'll see you again soon.
