Want to send us a message? An interview of long time swingers in the lifestyle since 2009 sharing how they started swinging, their funny stories about the lifestyle, advice and changes they have seen over time.Show NotesHow Adam Belle got started in the lifestyle.Play style, boundaries, and how it changed over time.Funny storiesAdviceChanges seen in the lifestyle over time.Straight men comfortable with bi experiences.Trends: drug use, singles, culture, respect, diversity, taboo. Support the showWant More?👀 Watch on YouTube: YouTube ShowFull video versions and interactive live episodes!Bonus episodes, exclusive content, and 🌶️Extras: https://www.patreon.com/SwingerUniversity 🛳️🎉Looking for lifestyle events in your area? T4P is the go-to directory for clubs, parties, and resort events. Browse now at Ticket4Play.com Custom SU T-shirts and gear: Our Amazon StoreSwingerLinks.com - live schedule, special offers*, and our 🌶️links!Our Website - Leave us a message, articles, and sexy products3 Ways to get your question on our show:RECORD it on our website at: https://swingeruniversity.com/contact/EMAIL a recorded voice note to: [email protected]: (916) 538-0482 and leave a voicemail.* We get a commission if you decide to purchase through our links, at no cost to you.
Transcript
We have to talk about something we've been genuinely excited about for months, and our patrons actually got a preview of this already. Jamaica! Yes, we are going back, and actually, we have a great offer for you guys. Yeah, it's Swingcation. It's October 11th through the 18th at Hedonism 2. And if you don't know what Swingcation is, it's pretty easy. Swinger plus kink plus vacation. It's a hosted group with real structure, workshops, lectures, real conversations with experts who are passionate about bringing and bridging that gap between the swinger world and the kink world.
And we're not just going as attendees. we're going as featured presenters, which is exciting. We'll be leading sessions. So if you come, we actually get to hang out with you. Which brings up something we should mention. When you use our code, yes, we got a code, you're not just getting a discount, you're getting the signature swing experience, which means $100 off per person, up to $200 per room, but it also means that we make time for you. An exclusive breakfast, lunch, cocktail hour, or one-hour and one time with us directly, plus more surprise benefits.
Here's something that's really unique. You could actually contribute by hosting a discussion or running a Skillshare. I know it's scary, but if you have something that you want to contribute, that's a big part of why this event is so special. Everyone there has something to bring to the table. All right, details. If you book before April 25th, you save $400. Plus, they gave us that special code that gets you an additional $200, and the special code is SWINGERU-VIP. So book through TicketForPlay.com forward slash Swinkie. That's T-I-C-K-E-T, the number four, play.com forward slash S-W-I-N-K-Y.
And use our code at checkout. And you guys, if you have any questions about the event, the resort, or what to expect, just reach out. I mean, we're here for you. We're happy to help. So once again, ticketforplay.com forward slash Swinky, the code SwingerU-VIP. We really want to see you there. Hi, everyone. Welcome back. This is Ed. And this is Phoebe at Swinger University. Today we have two guest speakers for class today, Adam and Belle. They will be sharing how they started swinging, provide advice for the lifestyle, sharing changes they've seen over time, and divulging in some funny stories.
Remember to subscribe to our podcast, email us questions, rate and review us on iTunes. Please welcome our special guests, Adam and Belle. Hello. Hi there. Hi, Adam and Belle. How are you two? Doing good. Thank you. Yeah, thank you, Ed. Thank you, Phoebe. So this is our first interview, and we've got some questions lined up, and we have an idea how it's going to go, but it's going to be a little more free form than we usually do, which will be fun. Yeah.
Like we've mentioned in some of our podcasts before, one of the first questions we always like to ask is, how did you get started in the lifestyle? Well, how we got started is kind of funny uh we were having dinner with some vanilla friends that the wife particularly doesn't like sex so she would yeah imagine that she would constantly beg us well the women in our friend group jokingly half, half jokingly, please sleep with my husband. I'm just, you know, I don't want to sleep with them. It's just too much of a chore. Okay. Wow. Whatever. Yeah.
And so they had dinner with us one night and said, did you know that in the town we live in, if there's a blue light, that means you're a swinger and you're available. Oh. Not the garage door up six inches or. The upside down pineapple in the shopping cart. But the blue light. Honey, can we put that on our shopping list? Sure, absolutely. Done. Okay. we'll get that on the list. Yeah, so we, immediately after that meal, and after they went home, it immediately got on the computer and started to figure out what that means. What does swinging mean?
What does that mean to have a blue light that's on? And we were pretty hooked from the very few minutes we started. We'd always had sort of a relationship that we felt was a little bit beyond normal, at least with regard to our sexual relationship. So when someone suggested that there was even more that we could do about this i think it immediately just piqued our interest right immediately wow yeah so we searched the internet yeah and didn't find any blue lights but we found a couple websites signed up and within half hour, we were getting messages. Wow. What?
Now, you guys were in the local area here in Sacramento? Yes. Yes. So jealous. And amazingly enough, the first couple to contact us lived less than a half a mile away. Oh, my there you go you never know your neighbors just might be swingers and it's been a while but i think that we met them the first night or at least a night or two afterwards yeah a night or two after so it's very quick okay did you false okay i'm i may be getting ahead of myself but did you full swap the first time quick. Okay, did you full swap? Okay, I may be getting ahead of myself, but did you full swap the first time?
No. Okay. So we went into this and we're like, okay, we're going to soft swap. We want to save, you know, that intercourse for each other. Right. And we realized that, yeah, that's not going to happen. Well, that's no fun. Yeah. So we changed, you know, what we said on our profile and full swap. It didn't happen with them. We met another couple and, you know, full swapped with them. Right. Oh, my God. That's so fun. I love it. Okay, wait.
So then what happened to the woman who wanted somebody to have anyone to have sex with her husband she's still asking yeah that's not an enticing offer she's missing just the way that. Just the way that you present that. Yeah. So, Ed, think about that from our perspective. Right? And our wives are going around town telling other women that they just simply do not like to have sex. That's terrible.
No matter what the reason is, I don't think the male component comes off very well right that somehow this poor woman's husband perhaps so bad or just yeah it's that's that's the conclusion that you would come to which is horrible it's just not a good sales pitch right give that woman the oh shot or two something yeah something she'll have a whole new perspective wow all right so it sounds like you got started in full swap fairly soon or yes matter of fact i think that first couple we met was not a full swap couple i think they were a soft swap couple all along but we really weren't sophisticated enough to know really what even that meant at the time we hadn't done enough research or we really weren't hip to what all the right terminology was so we weren't quite sure and we were just going along with the flow yeah yeah it's you walk into the room you start playing around have some fun and what happens happens yep yeah yeah fun that happened to us too we started off swapping soft but then it quickly changed and we were just with the right couple and that communication that we had with each other it just was seamless to just go there and then yeah it just seems natural it didn't seem like there was yeah too much effort to go there it's just like i don't know let's try it see what happens and we'll do both we're not one of those couples that are only full swap we're open to anything because we we've had great experiences with both and we know that not everyone's on the same page and since the orgasm isn't always the end result according to our poll a lot of people say it's the journey we live that as well so.
So it's, it's that sexy, fun, titillating, energetic experience. I would agree. I know we haven't talked about how long we've been in lifestyle yet, but it's been long enough where I think our style has changed so much that we've almost go back to a no style meaning that soft swap is great full swap is great a lot of other ways of participating in lifestyle is great too we've just come to be open to nearly everything. Mm-hmm. Yeah, I'd say that also. So over that 10-year period, did you find yourself only soft or only full, or was it always just flexible?
I'd say we were more full swap over the 10-year period, but if it didn't happen, if it was soft swap, that was fine too. Was that mostly because of an experience that one partner wanted to have in regard to partners?
I'd say we led more off of what the other couple liked if they were more soft swapped and that's what would we do right right our our sexuality maybe sexuality is in the right word the way we interact sexually has changed so much in the last 10 years also that that's changed the our play style also i mean we were just talking about it maybe even today or yesterday how different our sex life is together now versus the way it was 10 years ago you you wouldn't recognize the couple If we could take a snapshot 10 years and a snapshot today, the picture wouldn't be the same.
Matter of fact, it would be so diverse that you would think that there was some cataclysmic of event that occurred. And maybe it is. Maybe being a part of lifestyle is what has occurred that has changed for us. And I think that has sort of dictated what our play style is. And I think we would sort of say that we're sort of open. Right. How did that change your sexual relationship? What areas did it enrich?
Or how else do you want to say that well and you know like you said there's there's been a shift in your relationship and you know maybe describe that a little bit how how have things changed yeah you know you're more open now so is it just that because the door cracked open a little bit and you saw a little bit more and you're like oh this is kind of fun what else can we explore okay can we talk about october for a second oh my god yeah i've been waiting for this we were invited to be guest speakers for two engagements on a six star crystal cruise ship with three hundred and ten lifestyle couples.
And it sails from Montreal to Boston during the peak foliage season. I'm super excited and honestly, I'm really nervous.
Yeah, it's kind of a version of like a swinger TED talk that we're gonna have to do oh my god i know and more importantly if you know the brand it's llv luxury lifestyle vacations you may have seen them and they're sexy playmakers with their fun red hats this ship the crystal symphony is classy butler service for every single room michelin rated restaurants full spa clothing optional sensual playrooms like everything theme nights and international dj so it's luxury and nudity oh man this is gonna be great. The bottom line is we want you there with us. It's 310 couples.
And like all their vacations, they book up fast. They really do. Their vacations are extremely popular. So please come with us. And in order to find it, all you have to do is go to ourswingerlinks.com and look for the LLV Sensual Voyage. We hope you'll join us. it had less to do with the lifestyle and more of us understanding that we could experiment together to more openly enrich our sexual lives. So that's really it. It wasn't necessarily that the lifestyle changed us.
We changed because we wanted to experience different things together and so we evolved so the way that we have sex or make love today is much different than it was 10 years ago because we are more open now i understand what she wants she understands what i want more and maybe that's a derivative of being in an open lifestyle where your sexuality can be discovered right right well i mean that's the interesting thing is here's four adults sitting here in a room having a conversation, an open conversation about their sexuality and, you know, what turns them on and how they got started.
And, you know, that's the thing that we've found with the lifestyle is you interact with people who are just open to talking about sex, which, of course, just blows your mind wide open in terms of what else can we talk about like how you know how does this affect how you know we get done with this conversation we go home what kind of conversations are we going to be inspired to have and so it's just this you know that's kind of that the door cracks open a bit. You realize that there's this whole wide world of sexuality that's available to you as a couple and you start to explore it. Right.
I understand what Adam is saying in regard to the lifestyle, opening up that that door and expanding how ed and i interact i've found more confidence i've grown a larger sense of expression as far as what i like and how I speak to Ed with that regard. So we've learned more about each other's bodies and the way we play together because of being in the lifestyle. And that's exciting. Oh, yeah.
I mean, learning to ask what you want right how to ask for it not be afraid to ask for it not not to be afraid to say i don't like that or more of that right it's it's fantastic like our sex life's been amazing it was great before but now it's crazy we would agree we would agree that it's amazing and so the interesting counter to that is that when you look at potential play partners in the lifestyle i'm a little apprehensive because i know how incredible it is here and've developed this style, and I apologize for using the same word, but this style amongst us.
And so the fear, if fear is the right word, is how is that going to translate to someone else? Right. Because we've developed this very unique connection with each other, how do I go back 10 years and try to have some sort of physical interaction with somebody else that I know nothing about, knows nothing about me?
And so the fear is, how do I turn the clock back a little bit in and be more vanilla in the way we would play vanilla is an interesting word to use there but how do you change your approach to make it more acceptable to more people versus a very one-on-one relationship if that makes sense yes yeah yes it does you start to think about what's the formula that i used to or what's the use or what's the formula that works for most people because you don't know what somebody's gonna truly like in a one night interaction yeah and i think that's been our biggest challenge too is you know anytime i've had new sexual partners you it takes a little while to kind of understand their rhythms or the right spots to touch them in order to pleasure them.
And that – it's pretty hard to replicate that process in a single interaction with somebody else.
It takes a little bit of time to figure that stuff out which is why that form of self-expression in that moment with other partners is really important for me so that i have a better experience and i've heard other women say things like don't touch my nipples they're super sensitive okay got it uh my clits very sensitive don't use a strong tongue or don't lick there or lick here i've heard other women say that and so i started taking cues from that but i didn't also know about all that until we got into the lifestyle because i hadn't had a lot of oral experiences before i met ed and so ed and i started in the lifestyle before we got married so we're still figuring it out now we're in the lifestyle and figuring it out so i'm like i don't know what i like someone asked me what my fantasies were and like i don't know what my fantasies are i'm just figuring this out there's like so much on my plate right now i don't even know what my fantasies are so i've found that asking for what i want or kind of giving that other partner a clue in to what feels good and what doesn't feel good helps immensely.
And confidence is sexy. So it seems to be working. Yeah. Right. To your point, there should almost be like a two or three date rule right right yes because the first one likely to not be very good right and i chose those words carefully right so maybe the partner deserves a second or a third chance and then by number three three, you're like, okay, we tried this three times. Clearly, I'm not picking up on the clues. You're not banging me on the head with the clues hard enough. So something's not working out right. So we gave it a good college try. And we'll just call it a day.
We'll be friends going forward. Yeah right yeah yeah we've had that same experience where it's you know it's at least at least twice you know you get benefit of the doubt on the first try and then after that yeah so then you guys it seems like have had this experience of synergy with another couple where you are able to find that sweet spot past date three We'll be right back. with another couple where you are able to find that sweet spot past date three. Here's why we sail on Virgin. It's adults only.
No kids screaming at breakfast, no family buffet lines, just champagne at noon, late night pool parties, and people who actually want to be there. The vibe? Think boutique hotel that happens to float. Tattoo parlors, drag brunch, restaurants you'd actually pay for on land. Plus, when you're looking to connect with other couples who know how to have fun, let's just say Virgin attracts a very specific type of adventurist. No wonder Breadcruisers here, just your people.
I don't think we've had the synergy with a couple no it's the ongoing search for synergy gotcha i think um we're probably like a lot of lifestyle couples who would really like to find a small group maybe four couples five couples yeah six six well the more the more i'm right there with you where there could be some synergy where it's a group that you see often that you're comfortable with that i think is what we're still search for right so the synergy where we can have play experiences over and over and we know that they'll be successful we haven't quite got there yet right right we're looking to yes same boat yes Yes, I agree.
Interesting. This is so fascinating. I didn't know this all about y'all.
so along those lines if you have you run into other couples because you've been in the lifestyle for a few years now who are also still on that quest that vision quest for that perfect match the that group i mean you haven't found the group so it seems like everybody's still looking for this yeah i think yeah there's still people who are looking um we've tried making a few groups, somehow divorce um even worse death it breaks the group up or everybody doesn't mesh right the right way so i think it's just a hard thing to find um even just in the vanilla world finding friends that you like the wife, you like the husband, everybody likes each other and gets along.
Right. Right. Yeah. I mean, relationships just between people is challenging. So then complicate it with sex. Yeah. Yeah. That can be a, that can be a tough one. Well, that's good. We're not any more lost than any of the other swingers that are out there. And anyone who's listening to this, take comfort. It takes a while, and everybody's out there looking for it. So maybe we'll all connect one day. One day on some big white boat in the middle of an ocean. There'll just be a magical connection. That's right. Next November. Yeah. We'll all be on the Swinger Cruise together. Oh, yeah. Woo!
All right. So we've gotten some funny stories, but do you have any really funny stories or unusual stories? Something that just every time you think about it, you go, oh, my God, I can't believe that happened? So probably the top funny story for us is we were at a party. There was a couple that was very interested in us, but we weren't so much interested in them.
So we were dod them ran across another couple they were very nice good looking invited us back to the room we get up to the room and she says i hope you don't mind i get a little wet which i thought wow that's wonderful i'm so happy that with one kiss on her lips i could make her that wet that's amazing where's my star where's my gold star i don't see my gold star anywhere it's not quite what she meant no not what she meant we probably should have gotten a clue when she pulled out the puppy piddle pad and gave it a quick snap and laid it across the bed.
And then things started happening, and then it was raining. And I did not bring my... No one offered any goggles. No. Goggles, umbrella. No. Nobody warned us about that. Oh, my God.'s awesome. So yeah, that can be a bit of a shock if you're not expecting it. Yes. Yeah. And it was all good. We worked it out. We knew where to have our face or not. If I remember correctly, that couple was sort of into themselves also, right? A little bit. We were there, but we were part of their little fantasy. So at some point, we realized that if we disappeared, no one would notice that we weren't there.
We satisfied what they needed, and that was another couple in a room a little bit of soft and full swap and then at some point it was like well we're done you guys can go to which we were happy to oblige that's funny yeah oh my gosh we've been at parties where people won't leave our rooms oh how did you address that how did we address that did you start yawning brushing your teeth yeah if i remember correctly the room had several couples in it with one young lady who was a unicorn and she sort of refused to leave she thought she was part of the package so while the room was kind of coagulating and everyone was just kind of waiting for her to disappear so we could move on that never occurred so i think by 2 2 30 in the morning i think people just started falling asleep and that was hint enough but by that time everyone was ready for oh that's too bad yeah that's unfortunate we have not had that happen but we have had other awkward group play situations happen where not everyone is gelling.
Yeah, and it's hard to tell the person in the room that this just isn't working. Yeah. That's a hard thing to tell somebody else, especially when almost everybody's naked. The hint. The hint is just not coming. I know. All right. Do you have any advice for new swingers? Or we'll start with that first. So just be open to the experience in general.
Don't go in with this preconceived notion like we all did our first party we went to we thought okay we're gonna walk in there'll be all these pretty people everybody will be having sex everywhere no it wasn't how it happened yeah i i would come on top of that and say you've got to be open but you also have to you have to be open but you also have to experience the lifestyle the way you want to experience it i feel like a lot of folks come to a first party or a first dance and it's not what they expect because they don't know what to expect which is a great reason that this podcast even exists this gives people the opportunity to know what may happen or what to think about might happen before they go to a dance or they go to a party which is wonderful but i think if they just go to the party and just accept what's happening and just be part of the process that they'll have a much better time it's it's all about getting out what you put in if you go to a dance sit in a corner at a table for three or four hours and never get up and talk to anybody or never dance or never make yourself available you're going to get nothing out of the experience right if you reach out to people chit chat a little bit just make yourself available it'll be a much better experience absolutely yeah and that's been one of our key pieces of advice is don't go in with expectations because you never know what's going to happen it could be an off night or it could be an amazing night and to not sit on the wall and be a wallflower but go meet people because if you don't talk to people nothing is ever going to happen because people aren't going to approach you so you got to make things happen you got to have an open mind yeah this is a very i'll use the word weird but there's a better synonym it's a very weird societal club or or interaction that we're involved in even on its best day it's difficult So any normal day just makes it that much more difficult.
So I think you have to have an open mind. If you go into the dance and you're saying, well, we're going to be soft swap only. That's great. That's a style that you've chosen and is probably the right one when you first start. Ease into it a little bit. But if you continue on that path and never open yourself up to any other experiences, you may never discover what you like. You may never see that soft swap is good for you and your partner.
You may not experience some other things like having sex in a playroom, things like you may never experience if your mind isn't open to experiencing it at some point right right yeah and that's what we've found is going to these events and kind of wandering around and just seeing what's going on and you'll meet different and interesting people and they have their own particular play style or or fantasies or kinks and just watching how those people interact with each other you kind of you learn new things and you get a new perspective on the other ways that people have sex because you know you're familiar with what you do but there's a lot of people and a lot of different ways to have sex hey there podcast listeners you've been tuning into our episodes but have you ever wondered about the steamy details of our adventures or maybe hungry for some sultry erotic stories?
Well, guess what? We've got something special just for you. Our exclusive Patreon page. It's like a VIP pass to the saucier side of our world. So if you're ready for an exclusive behind the mic experience, head over to our Patreon page now. Trust us, this is where the magic happens. See you there, Patrons. Huh. So cool. This is so fascinating. Yeah, we enjoy hearing people's stories and kind of how they've evolved, but also just their own unique perspective on how they've navigated all of the challenges. I mean, we found the lifestyle to be very challenging, not only to the relationship.
You know, it sets your relationship up to be challenged, you have to have good communication, you have situations that you get involved in where you have to navigate that and as a as a couple, and figure out, you know, how does this affect us? How do we get through this? How do we move past this? You know, what do you think about this? I mean, just the simple stuff. And it's great. Like, I mean, it's opened our minds up to all kinds of stuff. Oh, I have a question. It's a little off topic.
But did you two have challenges in the beginning about, you know, is this going to or concerns about impacting your relationship or changing your relationship or disappointing another person if one individual didn't feel the same way?
Did you have any of these types of things or were you basically just on the same page i think one of the things that the lifestyle does that's unintentional is that it'll teach you things about yourself and your relationship that you've never pondered that's true right you know as men i think most men you ask them, they would say that they're ready for a lifestyle experience right now, that they're ready to go. They think it's the best thing in the world.
On the other hand, my response will be, well, let's see what you think about that when you see your wife having an amazing time with another man. Then tell me how eager you are to get into this lifestyle.
Now, if you're a man that can accept that and you appreciate that your significant other is having a wonderful time, then good that you might be successful in the lifestyle but if that boils your blood you probably need to find another hobby right because you're going to consistently be challenged with situations that make you question your own morals probably isn't the right word but your own ability to be open right very difficult to do yeah very difficult i think we've done a really good job at that yeah you know i would want her to have an amazing time more so as like a challenge okay let's see how great of a time you have because when i get you home then we'll see what kind of time you're gonna have in in the best way possible right right so for me it's like okay yeah let's do this i'm always up for the challenge accepted yeah um so i'm not sure if that directly answered your question, but yeah, I think there's challenges and you have to develop as a human being if you want to continue in this lifestyle.
Yes. Oh, go ahead. Oh, I think there's always going to be maybe some sort of jealousy at first, but then when, you know, you see your partner having an amazing time but then you go home together and you have an amazing time with each other and you know you're going home with that person they don't want to marry that person that they're having the lifestyle experience with they just want to have a good time right exactly and for me well for ed is very easy I don't believe.
want to have a good time right exactly and for me well for ed is very easy for him to see me with somebody else i love it i love watching her have a good time for me it was more of a visual i want to say disturbance not not really a just anomaly. I've never seen him with somebody else. I've never, first of all, I've never seen sex live. So that in itself was different, different and unusual to see and exciting.
But then to see Ed with somebody else was also somewhat challenging because i it's not something you see every day so the visual was more of a challenge for me it didn't feel like jealousy it was just visually i didn't know how to process that you were getting a different perspective on the whole thing. Yeah. You know, you don't see that angle, if you will. I didn't interpret it as a turn-on initially.
Certain perspectives, however, I did discover were a turn-on when i was like right up close like like literally underneath ed's legs looking at the penetration that was fucking hot i was like oh my god because i don't get to see that perspective and i'm like that's what ed gets to see holy shit that's fucking hot right that's true i love it and i'm like best angle i mean okay i'm thinking i like this now and so then some of my favorite positions are to be directly behind ed with my arms wrapped around him while he's fucking another woman and it feels like i'm fucking her and he's fucking her and i'm fucking her we're both fucking her together wow and it's pretty hot and i can look over his shoulder and i can see what ed sees i did not realize this would be an educational podcast for us yes all the things we need to try incredible today you need to try this wow so good we learn something new every time i mean it's just there's always something new to learn it's like this playground i'm always like let's try this let's try that let's try this i will say that even after 10 years there's things that we still say to each other when we go to a party that we said 10 years ago we need to talk to more people we need to meet more people we need to not be so picky we need to open our minds open our mind take the experience for what it is not look for perfection in the other person because that's what the lifestyle is all about it's all about experiencing new things so if you're going to be focused on i only have sex with five foot two blondes that are these dimensions you know we're born from this date to this date and we're born in the country of x right that's a horrible way in my opinion to experience the lifestyle you're much better off and you're you're likely to be much more successful if you're opening yourself to everybody and say i don't know i don't know what i like i don't know what i'm interested in but i'm certainly going to find out right yeah you never know what you're going to like there's another way to think of it but so my point to that was even after all this time we still have to remind ourselves that.
Don't be so picky. Talk to people. Talk to people. Get out there. It's just a societal uneasiness that's hard to make go away. So we're constantly having to work on it time and time again. Every year, every dance, we talk about it. Yeah. I think we all get comfortable in our own patterns. This is the way we do things. These are the people that I'm attracted to.
And if you don't push those boundaries, if you don't kind of realize that you're kind of biased in some ways, then you don't have those opportunities to experience those new things you know we've tried to make an effort just like you to have that pep talk at the beginning of an event like we're going to go meet some new people when we see a new couple that we've never met before or that we still have this this fear of the super hot couple that's going to reject us like everybody has that fear of rejection we've said we need to knock that off because you never know they may be into us so we should go talk to them and so you're right it's this like verbal um you were just talking about it today affirmation it's a verbal affirmation that you have to go through before an event or when you're going into any of these situations to go, you know, I'm okay.
I can do this, right? You got to do it. Yeah. So at the last party, at least for me, this is my experience. We were working that party. Um, it was a party where I think it's very good.
do it yeah so at the last party at least for me this is my experience we were working that party um it was a party where you could wear almost every everything or nothing we happened to be dressed a little bit in a hawaiian style so we were both literally half naked that night and we were working the event so we got to see nearly every person that walked through the door and it was a bit of a rear occurrence but this rather attractive lady as soon as she walked up to the table she's like i want him and pointed at me which to me was like i didn't know what to do with that right what do you mean and she kept going on and on to where i was starting to get embarrassed about it but on the ride home i'm almost you know looking for a tall building to jump off because i thought here's a woman who never met me and wants you and wanted me what did i do didn't talk to her all night long right ran away and i have been in this lifestyle for 10 years i'm sitting at a podcast trying to give advice to new people and i violated the very advice that i just gave about 20 minutes ago and that's why it's excellent advice because you've lived it and you've experienced it and you said learn from my mistake exactly and don't do that.
Right. Be open. If somebody looks at you or winks at you, makes any sort of nod that they're at all interested, pursue it. Absolutely. Absolutely. Because you never know what's going to happen. Yeah. Right. and the the whole bucket list we i, I definitely have some fun preferences that I will like. And I shared with Adam and Belle, some of the, the celebrity fucks that I like. Oh yeah.
However, what I really look for is what I find myself in how do I want to say I don't look for it I'm just open to that vibe so even though that person may not be my my preference initially physically after I've engaged with them I'm talking with them and that confidence that they have comes out and that sexuality starts to come, you know, out of them, they start to be more appealing, right? They become more sexy.
And I've found myself in situations in full swap situations where i said to ed oh my god i didn't never i never had sex with somebody like that before right that was kind of fun i didn't think that that was going to happen yeah we've had some completely surprising situations happen like that where it was like that was much better than i expected it to go that was actually really fun those are the best nights right yeah we've had those experiences and and i love that about the lifestyle that just like that open you just don't know what's going to happen now that i've kind of embraced the whole you know come what may it's it's so much fun so much fun well what i was going to say is we need to remember too is that the woman that said i want you maybe she was just as nervous and she had the guts got the courage to put herself out there right yeah you know so yeah i'm a bad person for you are awful you need to up and atone for that.
So the next time you see her. Oh, yeah. Halloween, buddy. That's true. Atonement is a very important part of the lifestyle. And I plan on atoning. You're going to atone the shit out of that.
In the spoken words of a good friend, I suck shit out of that I knew that was going to come up tonight sorry last time for all those listening that had nothing to do with what you think it sounded like quite the opposite actually and that was not the best phrase for the rest of that night oh man the rest of the weekend yeah that was that was awesome we all had those moments yeah so changes what kind of changes have you seen over the last 10 years? Anything obvious? Or has it been pretty consistent? Well, I'd say the people. So we've had quite a turnover.
You know, being in it 10 years, we're like the old people in the lifestyle now. there's a lot of younger people starting in their 20s and it makes me wonder is there something going on in their relationship are they just more open to experiences than maybe we were in our 20s yeah and we've also heard that people, there is a higher turnaround. It seems to be like 18 months. Is that accurate? That's the statistic that we've heard is that most people stand in the lifestyle for about 18 months and then they rotate through, which is, it's unfortunate.
But, you know, considering the dynamics that we've been talking about just in this podcast with all of the challenges and the dynamics between relationships and between different groups of people and between two couples, I can see the challenge just overwhelming a lot of people and that they've just not cut out for it.
Or, you know, they finally see their wife have sex with somebody else and they just yeah no okay i can't handle that i'm not into that or vice versa you know right so it it doesn't surprise me that it's this 18 month window right i think if you look around to in our normal world there's a bit of a sexual revolution going on i would agree look at facebook instagram snapchat we are much more open sexually than we have been in a long time and since i wasn't around in the 60s i don't know how to correlate the two but i will say that it feels like we're in a sexual revolution yeah so it makes sense that we're getting younger and younger people in the lifestyle just trying it out let's let's see what it's all about i mean i think we've all been in dances where we've been on the dance floor and there's a lot of young people out there dancing and flirting and probably there for the same reason we are is because we just enjoy those kind of people more right right so even when we're with family or with our our vanilla friends there's something missing there's missing it's missing because we can't have discussions like this right over dinner we can't talk about swapping and things like that and it's almost a more difficult conversation because now we have to think be careful what you say right you're not with your friends you got a filter yes the filter needs to be fresh and new and big and able to filter a lot of stuff out.
So we don't even gravitate to our old friends anymore. Yeah. We gravitate to our lifestyle friends, not because we're necessarily going to play with them.
We just enjoy the atmosphere and the ability to have an open conversation or not have to worry about what you said or not have to worry about rubbing against them as you cross in the kitchen that's encouraged with our lifestyle it doesn't mean anything it's just a comfortable environment to be in and we tend to gravitate towards that so i think you're seeing a lot of younger people in the same way i think their normal lives are much more like our lifestyle lives just the way they've been raised when they've been raised i think they have much more open sexual conversations than we did at their age.
So this is much more natural for them. Yeah. That, that seems to be what we've observed as well. I have a coworker that's much younger than I am. And she, I asked her what her and her boyfriend were doing over the weekend she goes oh everyone calls him my boyfriend but he's not my boyfriend and I said oh okay well I'm sorry I didn't know and she's like oh no that's fine everybody thinks that and so I started to ask her about that and she said well we've been friends for a really long time and I was starting to have more intimate feelings or stronger feelings, romantic feelings towards him.
And he's quickly said to me, Oh, no, I'm, I'm not into that. I'm, I'm not, I'm not going that, that down that road. And she's like, Okay, so they continue to hang out.
And then his his perspective started to change and he started to have more romantic feelings towards her and then she's like i kind of like this arrangement i i like the status quo i we don't need to change anything so they hang out do things together they're friends with benefits but they're not beholden to one another and i find that so refreshing it's fascinating to me that they can have this arrangement without any definitions it's just this kind of open-ended relationship did arrangement that they have and i that was never that was never something when i was growing up it was one thing or the other you were going steady because you had a boyfriend or you were looking to go steady with somebody right you're single you're going steady you had a boyfriend you're engaged you're married that's it yep those are the only things.
I don't even know what she calls her relationship. I should ask her. But I agree. I think they're more open to those types of relationships. In my mind, between the four of us, if we were going to discuss a relationship like that, we're all in the lifestyle.
So it's not that far of a stretch right how do you even start that discussion when you're in a vanilla relationship without the fear of somebody running away or saying a lot of bad things about you how does that even develop that's the part where i think younger folks nowadays that we're seeing lifestyle have an easier avenue of getting to that discussion. They can talk about those things because I think it's more readily available in their music and the discussions they have. I mean, sex is prevalent. It's always been prevalent, but it's even more so now than anything we do.
I'm encouraged that there's less of a stigma about promiscuity, you know, having sex. I'm actually encouraged by that, that people are not being labeled or shamed because they're sexual I hope that trend continues but we'll see I agree yeah so along along the lines of trends have you found in your experiences, more straight men being comfortable with having bisexual experiences? See, the question was on the board. I didn't think it was going to come up, but Phoebe went there. I went there. She went there. We've seen it, and I'm curious if other people have.
So I don't think we've ever had a male by experience or even, well, I know we haven't. She's like, I don't remember. Was there one? Was it? Or even witnessed one. We've never been anywhere near. Interesting.
so what's strange is we've been in the lifestyle for six seven years now so not quite as long as you but considering the 18 month time span we're getting up there in years and when we first got into it It was a very taboo thing it was basically don't buy women that don't list it on your profile don't don't talk about it nobody mentions it and what's really interesting and i'm not by the by the way just throwing that out there but But there was, we've seen a number of men and run across a number of men who are now really comfortable expressing that and it's it's almost strange but we seem to be i don't know just traveling in circles where this is becoming more of a thing so it's interesting that you haven't seen that because we've seen more of it.
Oh, so you say strange in the sense that we've seen more of it than they have. Yes. Or, yes. In other words, we go to the same parties. We frequent the same events pretty regularly. We're in the same community. And yet we're seeing different things.
So it's you know i guess wherever you are it happens to be different i know well so we were just kind of looking at each other and there's probably three or four men that are sort of in our group not in our group but acquaintances right who we have discovered over the years have had these kind of experiences it's not surprising but it's unexpected right and i think the first time we we encountered that was that somebody told us about their preference in a very unusual way. And we didn't know what that meant at the time.
Luckily, we did not have to experience it without not knowing what it meant. That makes sense. Right. But so, yeah, we have encountered men that we've discovered this about.
And was sort of like oh okay didn't know but all right good to know all right there you go yeah okay have you had have you had anyone ask you if it's okay if they have that experience with another man in your presence did they ask your permission or give you a clue in if you were uncomfortable i don't we've never seen I don't we've never seen two by males together right we we had that experience we had a two straight men they they categorize themselves as straight they categorize themselves as straight but they sometimes enjoy sucking cock and they preferenced it i i know they didn't i know they didn't categorize as bi so for example i don't i categorize myself as bi just because it's easy because i got over the whole definition thing but i don't preference bi i preference men so i cater i on the site i categorize myself as bi or bi comfortable but i prefer straight men i'm obviously Ed, but, and I don't desire women.
Do I think women are sexy? Yes. Do I love, do I want to have sex with all women? No. I also don't want to have sex with all men. But given the moment, if it's fun and sexy, and if, if it feels right, I'll, I'll go there. I may suck a breast. I may go have some pussy. We'll be right back. sexy. And if, if it feels right, I'll, I'll go there. I may suck a breast. I may go have some pussy, but I haven't done that very often. But the times that I did, I was like, wow, that was, that was kind of fucking cool. Never done that before. Right.
So these guys asked us if we were comfortable if if they experienced that in front of us. And I said, oh, sure. I don't have a problem with that. And so two straight guys were sucking each. Well, one was sucking the other guy's cock. And that was fucking hot. I had never seen that before. Except on porn. I missed the whole thing.
I think I was in another room oh yeah it was downstairs i was telepathically trying to call him upstairs because i didn't want to see this i was busy we uh we haven't encountered that not at all and never been approached in any way no i think part of when you're in the lifestyle for so long like we are or have been as yourselves it's reputational you know people think that they know something about you that they probably don't for whatever reason um we talked about that today there's a lot of reasons why people might say things about others that may or not be true it's likely not malicious it's just sort of the way we are as human beings right you see someone you kind of label them or categorize them or figure out oh where do they fit in or even just to gain your friendship it's very typical in our work environment, our friend environment.
Let's say, hey, Ed, you know that other guy you were talking to? Yeah, I know him. He's not a very good guy. You know what I mean, right? To kind of gain your trust and friendship. Right. Because you might say, oh, yeah, I think about the same. Or maybe you think, but you hadn't expressed it. Now that I've expressed it, now you and I are bonded. Right. You've, you've been kind of, you've opened that door again, right? Right. And you're now on the same page. So I think in the lifestyle that happens a lot too, right?
If, um, you're very attractive, a couple, if I want to gain favor with you, what I might do is say, oh, yeah, couple over there, you know, she's a little dirty or she doesn't like to take showers. Whatever it is, obviously, I'm making up a scenario in my attempt to bond with you, to have an equal footing about the way we see another couple. Right.
Was I being I being truthful probably not but I think that happens in the lifestyle also I think the longer you're in it people get ideas about who you are that are likely unfounded so you have to put forth the effort to reach out to new people or or to break away from some of those reputational issues that you're involved with right right and that's that open-mindedness that constantly expanding your your circle so that you don't get stuck in those ruts those patterns and and yeah it's yeah it's not a good thing yeah i we've only encountered a little bit of that and one of the encounters was someone's warning us about someone having an std and so we we took note of that but we didn't write off that other couple completely because they're nice people we talked to them we'd have that conversation with them before we play with them right that would be a direct conversation to have with somebody and not but we didn't discard them for that reason because they're they're nice they're friendly we enjoy their company but we've never played with them and if it ever came to that that would definitely be a conversation so i don't know we have i haven't really run into a lot of this gossip that people talk about maybe we're just we bring up a good point so the couple that told you about the std couple we'll call them or so you think they had an obligation to tell you or do you think that they had an obligation not to tell you i think it was their obligation to tell me because they were also good friends and so they said hey you might want to be aware of this this couple but it does make you wonder you know why express that like why wouldn't that be a topic of a the the new couples like if you're going to engage in sex with someone, why wouldn't you have that conversation then?
Why let someone else have that conversation for you? So it's interesting. Yeah, I understand the obligation. I guess what I would fear is people who think that they are obligated to tell others about situations that are may or may not be true. Right. Right. And may not be ever relevant. True. Right.
Because maybe that individual that told me that had no idea how close we were to this other other couple if we had ever played with them or not played with them so because we've been in the exact same situation where we were hanging out with a couple everything was good good time and all of a sudden they felt the need to give us some information about another couple and it was out of the blue yeah out of the blue feels very strange it does feel strange like why why are you telling yes yes goes back to what we just talked about just a few minutes ago okay are you trying to gain my favor by suggesting that this other couple here's got a problem that I should stay away from, whether it's true or not.
Gotcha. But that to me, and that actually pushed the couple with the information away. Yeah. I felt like if you're willing to say that about somebody, one, I don't know you. I've known you for all of two hours, three hours. Right. I don't know that other couple very well. But boy, you are sure anxious to tell me about something ultra personal. Yeah. Right. The last thing I want you to do. Is no personal things about me. Yes. You hit the nail squarely on the head. Because if you're talking. Yeah. Yeah. No, it's kind of disturbing. And obviously we didn't do anything with that information.
And it was one of those like, okay, that's interesting. Thank you for sharing. I'm not sure why you're telling us that, but okay. What do you think, Belle? Well, how would the other couple know is what I want to know do they have the std also oh yeah good point good question you never know but that's why you have that conversation with your sex partners before you have sex with them. Right. And if that's a thing, then, you know, and obviously if you have something, you should probably disclose that before you have sex with another couple.
And, uh, it's important discussion because I've heard in the past that there are certain diseases or situations that are just accepted because of our lifestyle or the way it was presented me was sort of like oh everybody has that yeah i mean this is this is a sex club and in a sex club you should expect to have x which is disturbing yeah that is disturbing that that was the thought wow that something like um what's x herpes what was the discussion that we were involved in was it herpes or hpv hpv it was something a little different than that i don't recall bb it may have all these acronyms yeah bb but i have i have heard that about hpv before yeah that that is you know it's very common it's very asymptomatic and so it's hard to to to know but um yeah that's kind of disturbing to think i'm just not comfortable with the idea that hey you're in a sex club you should expect to have x and you shouldn't be overly concerned when others do also right that's where you gotta throw up the timeout sign a little bit you fly you should expect that the plane goes down i've never i've flown a lot never gone down don Yeah, I'm not thinking that way.
Please. Wow. Yeah, that's not okay, I don't think. No, that's not okay. Let's move on to something more positive. I don't know. Trends. I don't know if that's necessarily positive, but trends? Have you seen any things that have changed over the years with how people respect one another, the type of diversity? We already talked about age. Have you seen a change in drug use, types of drugs, presence of singles. Well, I think at the dances, it's pretty well controlled as far as single males go.
But I find that there's a lot on the site, you know, trying to get the attention of maybe a single female, maybe a couple, maybe just the wife. Drug use, I don't really see it at the parties. You know, everybody's drinking and having a good time, but I don't see anybody, not as far as the big parties, maybe a house party. There's more drug use. Like what type of drug use?ali. Yeah. Marijuana. Right. Things like that. Nothing. I've never seen cocaine or anything harder than that. Yeah. That probably goes more towards the group of people that we associate with. Yeah. Yeah.
I think we categorize drugs two different ways. so for me, or us at least, anything you can buy at a store is not what we would consider a drug, quote-unquote, a drug. Marijuana, alcohol, I would argue that it's probably much safer to be high than it is drunk. So I don't see marijuana as being a drug, or at an illicit drug that should be stayed away from. The other ones that you don't buy in a store, you buy on the street are a little bit different. And I think we have systematically shied away from any of that use or being around anybody that uses it.
I think I heard phoebe say something not long ago that really struck a chord and it was like um something to the extent i think you said it's a great experience for them but it's not a great experience for me right so why should i be involved with somebody who might be on x on mo Molly, on Coke when I'm not, and I don't get that fantastic experience? And I would agree with you. I think that that is taking things to a level where both people need to be engaged or involved in that. If one party is and the other isn't, I think that's a recipe for disaster.
Yeah yeah because you don't know how the person who's on those drugs is going to respond to certain situations exactly tough exactly and they also tend to depending on the drug tend to be very self-centered with that experience so they're not paying attention to my experience or my cues so there's it's i might as well just be a blow-up doll honestly because they're not paying attention so what's the point i agree with you right i agree with you and even to some extent on alcohol and marijuana it may take you to a place where you don't even realize you're there and you're just committing the act sort of haphazardly and i agree unless unless both people are engaged talked about it okay with it having the same experience then right it loses it for one person right yeah because it's i agree because it's no fun being sober at a party where everyone's drinking you've done that everyone's done that it's pretty boring so it would be way more exciting to be both experiencing pot together or e together or whatever kind of experience that you want to have together i think trend wise though i think we've noticed more more house parties more smaller groups people are using the dances to meet people so that they can develop their own group at their house somebody else's house whereas when we started the dance was the party right it wasn't an avenue to find people to go build another party someplace else it was it it was like cheers we all knew each other we all expected to see each other and frankly we were disappointed when maybe somebody didn't show up that you were used to seeing um so for us that's why dances were once a month because it's where everybody went to do their lifestyle stuff but i think nowadays it's trending more towards smaller house parties where people can be more intimate and not so much go to the big dances.
Right. Interesting. I haven't found those smaller, intimate house parties. We haven't either, but again, it goes back to the effort where you probably should put into it. Yeah. Actually, we did one time, but we left the one up in up north. Yes. Remember that one? Yeah. Yeah, too many parties. Alright, so diversity, respect, has everyone pretty much been respectful? Has that changed? I don't think it's changed.
I think everybody pretty much been respectful has that changed i don't think it's changed i think everybody's always been respectful i can't think of a time that somebody wasn't whenever whenever there was a time it was always a one-off somebody had a little too much to drink at a party right um certain circumstances dictated that but i don't think that you have the same person acting up over and over and over again so they become a problem yeah i think we used to see that five six seven eight ten years ago but i think that's diminished maybe that's a product of vetting from the Here we go.
seven, eight, ten years ago. But I think that's diminished. Maybe that's a product of vetting from the host. I think it's a socially self-correcting problem, too, because people who act out in parties tend to not get invited back. Yes. People don't. I mean, it's a society. There's this group. We all get together, and we kind of know each other. and, you know, people don't – I mean, it's a society. There's this group. We all get together, and we kind of know each other, and, you know, second, third party, and people talk. You get to know. It's like a small town.
Everybody knows what everybody else is doing to some level. For better, for worse. For better, for worse. All right, Ed. You got anything else any other questions no uh i i think that's pretty good adam bell you have anything else to add i feel like we could talk on this subject forever i know for years if you took the microphone away we'd still be having this same discussion heck when we were on the houseboat we talked for four days straight about this yeah it's it's like that so maybe i will say one thing dun i met someone at a club recently.
And walked up to him and i said hey it's good to see you again and he reached out his hand and he said hi who are you and i said this is phoebe and he's like oh nice to meet you phoebe i slept with the guy twice mind you this is the second person second person i'm shoving my hand at adam that i've had sex with on e i wasn't part of the whole e experience so i didn't have that same experience and he didn't remember me and I was so annoyed and so pissed for days. And I can tell everyone who's listening, it is a memorable experience to have sex with Phoebe.
I'm looking at Phoebe and I would agree with you. There's plenty to remember. But don't you think it's sad for you that he didn't remember you, but it's sad for him, too. It's sad for him. Because what is he getting out of this if he can't even remember? Absolutely. Like the years that I've been aware of this guy being in the lifestyle and i'm sure consistently doing his lifestyle the way he does how how many women does he not remember having sex of all those experiences i i can't even fathom the point of having sex with someone if you're not going to remember having sex with them.
That's the whole fun of it. Why bother? Exactly. You might as well just stay home and sit on your couch. I know. I don't remember having sex. Then why are you having sex? Yeah. That's true. It's time to find a tall building so you won't survive the fall. Something. I like to remember. I want to remember every detail. I count on remembering. I look forward to remembering. I know. Well, and that's part of the fun is recounting the details afterwards. With your partner. Exactly. Oh, yeah. We love that. That part of the fun, is recounting the details afterwards. With your partner. Exactly.
Oh, yeah. We love that. That's part of that whole experience. For the next 24, 48, 72, week, two. Yes. Wait, seven years later, to talk about those first experiences. Because they stick with you. I know. There's so many great memories that we have of all of these events of these parties these experiences these amazing sexual encounters right who wouldn't want to remember that i know it's so let me counter that by just saying that for the people who are new to the lifestyle, it's also important to forget about those experiences too at some point. Don't get so in love with those new experiences.
All they are is new. Right. That's it. That's all that makes them exciting. But I think we have talked to and found other couples' lifestyle where one or the other never forgot about their experience. And that led them down a difficult road. And so I think everyone listening gets the point. The point is it's going to be amazing. Make sure that you're lucid enough to remember it because you're going to want to tell somebody, if not just yourself, within a couple of days afterwards, but also remember to forget about that.
You have a lovely spouse at home who loves you, who is the best sex you're ever going to have because of the internal connection. That's what you need to remember. absolutely that's the important part absolutely yeah it's it's fun to enjoy the the vacations the fun times that you did away from home but remember that you can have good times at home too and you've got to hold on to those as well yeah yep that was very well said it was well that is a perfect way to wrap this up. Absolutely. Let's go have sex. Okay.
Perspective is valuable when exploring in the swinger arena, and everyone's journey and experience will be a different level of exploration and enrichment. A big thanks to Adam and Belle for sharing after we beat them over the head and dragged them back to our lair. Ta-da! Thank you so much for coming. It was a pleasure. Thank you for inviting us. Yes, thank you. Yeah, this is fun. I had a lot of fun. And thank you for taking our cherry on this first interview. He's delightful. Glad to. All right. This is Ed. This is Bebe. This is Adam. This is Belle. Saying, thanks for listening.
Thanks for learning. Now go out there and get some. Woo-hoo. Yay. Before you turn off our podcast to take care of all the vanilla things pulling you away, please reach out and give us a review. I am the first to admit that it is much easier to give a five-star rating, which we appreciate. But if you could take 43 seconds to type a review, we would love it. If you want to share a personal story, ask us questions or share your comments, please contact us at swingeruniversity at gmail.com or tweet us at swingerupodcast. Oh, one last thing before you go.
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