Want to send us a message? Is your playground missing a swing? There are many things that that can jeopardize your swinging experience; anxiety about physical attributes, personality quirks, lack of networking, poor teamwork, sensitive topics, participation and kinks.SHOW NOTES:Physical Appearance - Hygiene - Image - AgeNetworking - Teamwork - FlexibilitySensitive Topics - Too Much of EverythingParticipation - Fetishes Support the showWant More?👀 Watch on YouTube: YouTube ShowFull video versions and interactive live episodes!Bonus episodes, exclusive content, and 🌶️Extras: https://www.patreon.com/SwingerUniversity 🛳️🎉Looking for lifestyle events in your area? T4P is the go-to directory for clubs, parties, and resort events. Browse now at Ticket4Play.com Custom SU T-shirts and gear: Our Amazon StoreSwingerLinks.com - live schedule, special offers*, and our 🌶️links!Our Website - Leave us a message, articles, and sexy products3 Ways to get your question on our show:RECORD it on our website at: https://swingeruniversity.com/contact/EMAIL a recorded voice note to: [email protected]: (916) 538-0482 and leave a voicemail.* We get a commission if you decide to purchase through our links, at no cost to you.
Transcript
We have to talk about something we've been genuinely excited about for months, and our patrons actually got a preview of this already. Jamaica! Yes, we are going back, and actually, we have a great offer for you guys. Yeah, it's Swingcation. It's October 11th through the 18th at Hedonism 2. And if you don't know what Swingcation is, it's pretty easy. Swinger plus kink plus vacation. It's a hosted group with real structure, workshops, lectures, real conversations with experts who are passionate about bringing and bridging that gap between the swinger world and the kink world.
And we're not just going as attendees. we're going as featured presenters, which is exciting. We'll be leading sessions. So if you come, we actually get to hang out with you. Which brings up something we should mention. When you use our code, yes, we got a code, you're not just getting a discount, you're getting the signature swing experience, which means $100 off per person, up to $200 per room, but it also means that we make time for you. An exclusive breakfast, lunch, cocktail hour, or one-hour and one time with us directly, plus more surprise benefits.
Here's something that's really unique. You could actually contribute by hosting a discussion or running a Skillshare. I know it's scary, but if you have something that you want to contribute, that's a big part of why this event is so special. Everyone there has something to bring to the table. All right, details. If you book before April 25th, you save $400. Plus, they gave us that special code that gets you an additional $200, and the special code is SWINGERU-VIP. So book through TicketForPlay.com forward slash Swinkie. That's T-I-C-K-E-T, the number four, play.com forward slash S-W-I-N-K-Y.
And use our code at checkout. And you guys, if you have any questions about the event, the resort, or what to expect, just reach out. I mean, we're here for you. We're happy to help. So once again, TicketForPlay.com forward slash Swinky, the code SWINGERU-VIP. We really want to see you there. Welcome to Swinger University. Your horizontal enrichment program, a new kind of accelerated learning program. Here are your hosts, Ed and Phoebe. Hi, this is Ed. And this is Phoebe. Today we're talking about the things you may do that jeopardize your chances at a swinger experience.
We're going to list 20 items pertaining to physical attributes, personality, networking, teamwork, sensitive topics, participation, and kinks. Item number one, swinger sites. Join the correct site for your area, pay the fee, and you'll get emails. We've talked about this before in one of our early episodes on how to get connected with parties, hot dates, events, and a couple dates in your community. So check out the Swinger apps that are in your area. And it's hard to know exactly which one is your area until you try a couple out and see how many people are there.
So do a search, see how many Swingers come back in your city, and that'll help you decide which app best meets your needs we just acquired a new listener to our podcast who lives in our city that didn't even know about the hotel takeovers we go to three to four times a year right and they've been swinging for a while so i maybe they're a little new i don't know but i don't know how they missed it so we quickly turned them on to that yeah so get the word out like we said because there are swingers who are missing out on all the fun right number two physical appearance update your wardrobe i've done it several times and and The longer I swing, it several times.
And the longer I swing, the more, as Ed would say, slutty my clothing kits. Phoebe is flaunting what she's already had for a long time. She's flaunting what she's got more than she used to it's amazing how comfortable you start to get when you start running around naked all the time i'm very comfortable with you running around naked i appreciate it a lot of people step up their fitness as well it gives you more confidence it generates more testosterone you generally just feel better even if your goal isn't to lose weight or tone up, that physical activity is going to make you feel confident.
It does something for you. If anything, it helps with your stamina to stay up late at the parties. Or fuck longer. Or fuck longer. And just as a note too, I didn't say it when Phoebe had mentioned updating wardrobe, but guys, this applies to you as well. Put the jeans and the T-shirt back in the drawer. Those are great for going and hanging out at the bar with your buddies. Not so much for swinging. Yeah. Dressed to impress. I agree. Put a little effort in. I agree. Hygiene. Obvious.
Some obvious some of this is obvious right everyone shower ahead of time freshen up if you've had a long drive or you feel like you're sweating while dancing we always when we get to the hotel we even though i showered that morning i freshen up again before i go to the dance And I use a product, I'm going to do a product review on this product called Loom. It's basically like a, oh, what is it? What's the word? Baking soda? No, I can't remember what it's made of now. It's like a very natural deodorant, keeps you smelling fresh.
So when you're sweating on the dance floor and stuff you don't stink so that's really really nice um obviously brush your teeth use the mouthwash if you don't if you're not a mouthwash user use it anyway yeah um get the little breath mints make sure your deodorant's great if you're a deodorant user and not an antiperspirant user switch to antiperspirant that night because you're going to probably need a little extra protection go easy on your cologne and perfume because i can't tell you how many times i run into people with too much of it and it's just it's stuck on me and i can't get it off it's like everywhere and everywhere.
It'll actually kind of turn your stomach, too, if it's a little too strong. It's such a strong scent. Right. Whether you really like it or you don't like it, it can be overwhelming either way. There are many, many times I've had to just, yeah. Yeah. And, of course, your hands before you play. Right. You're, you would wash your hands before you stuck anything in your mouth. Why wouldn't you wash your hands before you stuck your fingers in somebody else? Thank you, Ed. Perfection. It does not exist. Don't hold out for perfection, but you can strive for perfection if you want. Right.
Oh, by the way, that was a number four perfection. Most people don't care and they don't even notice. In fact, Ed saw this great video the other day. Was it a video or, or was it another podcaster? And he was talking about, uh, what men think about when they're with a woman. Yeah, it was a video. And I can't remember what the context of it was. I think it was a swinger podcast, and it was a clip that they'd grabbed from him. But basically, the guy, I wish I'd written it down or saved it. But it was basically, women, stop listening to yourselves. Listen to the men.
And it was basically women stop listening to yourselves listen to the men and it was basically like get your fine ass over here and let me do things to you because i love it yeah i love the way you look whether you're skinny or tall or short or fat whatever it don't matter get your fine ass over here yeah i know he was so great it was it was awesome it was awesome he's like the thighs the butt the arms the face all of it we don't think about what's missing what's wrong what's got a dimple what's got a cur you know what's got a wrinkle he's like we don't look at that we don't see all we see is sexy so just get over here and start having some fun and i just loved it i just loved it so it's very true yes so let's see and what that comes down to is yes confidence is sexy correct if you stop worrying about how you look and you just start worrying about having a good time and exuding confidence, even if you have to fake it till you make it, you will be sexier.
Yes. And now I think we're on number five. And I'm going to tell you, I'm going to probably lose count as we go. So another perfection. Don't, as far as like income and education, et cetera, don't actively try to date up or match up. I mean, don't make that your main focus. If you want to, absolutely do it. If you want to approach a couple that you think might be a little out of your league, absolutely go for it. Absolutely. Don't let that hold you back, but don't make that like your only limit, right? Don't limit yourself is basically what I'm trying to say.
And you're not looking for that ultimate couple. You're looking for fun. You're looking for casual, sexy time. Yeah. Yeah.
This isn't a life partner, partner folks this is a for the next couple hours partner yeah but but sometimes these individuals become really good friends even lifetime friends sure or friends for several years maybe you don't play with them for several years because you you've you've stuck them in the friend zone and then one weekend you decide to go away and have a good time don't have any expectations but you bring your backup hoe bag just in case like a good swinger does and you never know you might just get really lucky with people that were stuck in the friend zone right.
Friends that you've had for a long time. And next thing you know, everybody's naked and fucking, fucking right there in the middle of the cow. It happens. It does. I'm telling you. It has happened. Yes. Age. Age is just a number. I think we're on number six. Yes. Try not to think of them as old as your kids. If they're more younger than you, don't try not to think about that because we have thought those thoughts before. And yet we have slept with some young people and we were like, oh, my God, that was so hot. And honestly, you don't really know their age.
You're not checking checking their their you don't so they could just have really good genes and they just look really young so stop assuming that they're the same age as your kids or that they're the same age as your parents for that matter right and just have a good time they're fun interesting people they're consenting adults period just. Right, right. Back to what you said earlier. You're not looking for a lifetime relationship. You're looking for two hours of fun. Yeah.
And, you know, you talk about things that are just across the board, fun and sexy, places you've gone, great foods you've tried, maybe sports if you're into sports right but keep it fun and sexy okay can we talk about october for a second oh my god yeah i've been waiting for this we were invited to be guest speakers for two engagements on a six-star crystal cruise ship with 310 lifestyle couples and it sails from montreal to boston during the peak foliage season i'm super excited and honestly i'm really nervous yeah it's kind of a version of like a swinger TED talk that we're going to have to do.
Oh, my God. I know. And more importantly, if you know the brand, it's LLV, Luxury Lifestyle Vacations. You may have seen them and they're sexy playmakers with their fun red hats. This ship, the Crystal Symphony, is classy. Butler service for every single room, Michelin-rated restaurants, full spa, clothing optional, sensual playrooms, like everything, theme nights and international DJ. So it's luxury and nudity? Oh man, this is going to be great. The bottom line is we want you there with us. It's 310 couples and like all their vacations, they book up fast. They really do.
Their vacations are extremely popular. So please come with us. And in order to find it, all you have to do is go to ourswingerlinks.com and look for the LLV Sensual Voyage. We hope you'll join us. Teamwork. Being on the same page with your partner is really important. Yeah.
We would always have this play review if you want to put it on the sports theme you know how you feeling tonight where you at are you nervous what's what's your trigger do you think you know are you feeling good you feeling excited you feeling what and so we always check in before we check in once we get there yeah because if you're not on the same page just like the velociraptors can sense yes yes other swingers can sense people not being on the same page and and being kind of out of tune with each other it's it's kind of a weird thing but you go he's excited she's checking her watch or looking around right doing something you start to pick up on those non-verbal signals and it's just it's kind of off-putting because you're like is it my breath or is she just not into this like what's going on i don't understand and you won't always be on the same page every single time you go to an event.
There's plenty of times that we've not been on the same page. I'm just not feeling it that night. I tried, you know, and it just didn't work out. But at least it was a success because we got dressed. We went out. We had a date night.
And we met and talked with really interesting and sexy people and and made some contacts yeah contacts so we didn't maybe get to play that particular night but it was still a plus yeah and i think part of that too is because we're because we were on the same page i mean some early experiences we weren't on the same page and we figured that out pretty quickly when we got ourselves into trouble but now now that we're really on the same page and we know how to get on the same page um we don't set the other couple up or couples up for a weird dynamic with us, right? Yeah, yeah. So it's important.
Exactly. Have each other's backs. Kind of limit the whole inside jokes and sarcasm and things like that. Oh, yeah. Maybe a little off-putting. Yeah, that's off-putting.
You get used to it with your own kind of like marital banter right you know you and your partner fine we've seen couples that uh acted like junior high school kids where it's almost like him pushing her and pulling her top down and that was his idea of fun and for us it was fucking disturbing it was really weird to watch uncomfortable i didn't like it was like yeah okay you were hot about five seconds ago and now we're gonna go we gotta we got someplace we got to go go so yeah same with sarcasm keep it to a minimum um you know if you're a sarcastic type of personality i get it and don't don't change but maybe try and keep it to a minimum if if others um aren't it it basically comes down to be yourself but you are still trying to connect with other people so if they're not getting your joke or your sarcasm don't force it upon them they are an audience you have to read your audience right you're trying to attract them to your trap totally so don't don't offend them watch those non-verbal cues right yeah the body language right if every time you say something they flinch a little maybe dial it down a little bit down a little bit yeah yeah right all right flexibility meeting a couple of you know different locations maybe halfway between restaurant bar whatever you you know be flexible in that um at your house at their house whatevering for dinner or drinks, typically one person would cover.
And then if we met the second time, we would cover. Right. Or vice versa. Or even just go Dutch and each couple splits the check halfway. Sure. We don't noodle about the subtle differences between she had two glasses of wine and we had one. Nah. Like, forget the details just kind of yeah it kind of yep it works out yeah karmically or the next date it'll work out and be flexible with covering the room cost we've been with people that have already covered the room cost because they're say they're downtown they're already downtown for I don't know.
we've been with people that have already covered the room cost because they're say they're downtown they're already downtown for a great night and they're out doing their thing and they happen to post a hot date at the same time so if the hot date works out then they have a hotel if it doesn't work out then they still have a hotel and they still have each other and they had their date so typically if that happens no one really asks you to you know pony up you know if they've already got the room but we have also been in situations where we did say hey you know let would you like to go get a room we'll split the cost right so you know it's it all depends on how you want to do it just be flexible introverted wallflowers.
Yeah. So, you know, it all depends on how you want to do it. Just be flexible. Introverted wallflowers. Yeah, so you've got to get those dark groups of us that are kind of in our own shell. And we weren't... I'm just going to start that whole thing over. Being an introvert or a wallflower. Some of us have worked very hard to come out of our shelves and you, you really force yourself to interact with other people. And eventually it starts to become more and more comfortable. It's the whole fake it to make it. And the more you practice something, the easier it gets.
As we all know it's true it's the whole fake it to make it and the more you practice something the easier it gets as we all know it's true just pretend you're acting yeah this is this is what gets me by the whole time you know and there's some pretty easy techniques for stuff like this talk to at least three couples at an event yep forces you to get up off your seat walk around the room, walk up to people, and eventually that just becomes comfortable. I can never, ever sit down in an event. That's my kryptonite. If I sit down, we are dead in the water. Nothing happens. I have to keep moving.
Otherwise- You're like a shark. I am.
And I figured that out i figured that out when we used to go to these i used to always sit yeah and wait it just it sucks the fun right out of the party yeah you you cannot do that you absolutely cannot now if you're engaged in a conversation with a couple and you need to rest your feet absolutely sit down for a little bit sure but as soon as the conversation starts to slow down get up and go go dance take them with you yeah something yes exactly another really simple technique for kind of getting out of your shell compliment people you look great great tie those shoes are sexy something it's a conversation starter yes i would even say be honest mention it it is your first time that you're new people are really happy to take you under their wing and you become instantly real why because you're revealing something that's very honest and kind of raw kind of intimate kind of intimate like hey i'm new we're new in this thing and and it's instantaneous how people warm up to you oh my gosh and people are so helpful and they really want to because people empathize they do so you have that instant connection started out new and was in that exact same situation so people people get it and it's a really good bonding opportunity i agree i agree next one hang with the professionals i will say newbies and dabblers can tend to bail on dates right and you know you're just i get it it's not a negative thing it's everyone's just trying to figure it out right and stuff comes up they're nervous yeah they're trying to juggle and, and all the feelings and things that come along with it.
More experienced swingers are more likely to invite you to a party. If you're soft swap, it's an opera or full swap. Um, it's an opportunity to learn, watch and experiment with little to no peer pressure.
So don't, don't take yourself out of the game just because you're soft and you're not full um people aren't going to know that and honestly people don't even ask you that not a lot of people do unless you're you're doing a one you know a one-on-one with that couple just you four in their room and they happen to be full and that's their preference they they will ask you that um but if it's a group party no no one cares there's something for everybody in a group party yeah and honestly for the first half of the party three quarters of the party it's mostly playtime starts it's just social engagement you're just having conversations with people so social engagement and it's usually soft anyway so yeah yeah just go for it have a good time yeah so target those professionals don't be intimidated i say go for it get yourself in there get in that game okay next topic sensitive topics These are things that either A, you should completely or b be very careful and wait for the opportunity for it to be brought up oh my but i'm going to say you probably shouldn't be talking about these things at all oh god okay what are these things well they're the same things you don't talk to your family about during Thanksgiving.
Oh, oh, okay. Politics, religion, not sexy, not in the bedroom or some kind of a fun event. Right. Nobody wants to hear about these things. They're having a good time and you're, you got a 50, 50 offending somebody right for either one of those maybe higher or lower depending on where you are right even if you know the couple and are very comfortable having these kinds of conversations the people around you may not be comfortable with the conversation oh So even though you haven't seen your old buddy and you want to catch up on your local politics, don't talk about it at an event.
You could be turning everybody around you, all of your potential play partners, away. Ding. Got it. It's not a good thing. Okay. And where they work.
Don't want to do that yeah a lot of times people don't want to talk about their workplace or their job title or whatnot because they're nervous about people knowing where they work right you know that's like the outside world and potentially their employment in jeopardy yes if that were to get out most people are comfortable saying i'm a doctor, I'm a nurse, I'm a, you know, I'm law enforcement, I work at the government, I work at the county, whatever, whatever. Right.
And to be honest, if you're talking to somebody at a swing event, they are probably either a nurse, a doctor, law enforcement, or fireman, those are, or a teacher, sorry Those are the top professions that seem to be in swinging. Occasionally run into accountants or lawyers or judges, web developers, but it's not as common as those first five we talked about. No, definitely not. Oh, my goodness. Okay, so the next one. This is your favorite. Chatty Ken or chatty Kathy. Yeah. Do not monopolize a conversation because it gets really unsexy.
We met some really, really sexy people on one of our trips to Costa Rica and we really liked them but it was actually two separate couples the men from both of these couples were in some sort of position one was a salesman and I don't know one was a market I don't know what they were but their jobs must have required them to talk a lot because they talk so much for the first few days i thought oh they're just really nervous they'll calm down no that's by day four five i was like oh you again the sexy meter just kept dropping and dropping and dropping because i i couldn't get i they didn't get to know me they just kept talking about themselves so by day five i just started fucking with them and i said to ed i'm like watch at dinner i'm gonna try and change the conversation every time single time they they talk watch and i was just literally fucking with them trying to just and yeah for my own humor right to steal the conversation back these guys were good i kept trying i kept trying and they kept bringing it back and they kept bringing it back i was like like they didn't even hear me so after about three times i was like oh now i get you you're not even listening to me at all right all right you just zero done it was such a shame yeah it was disappointing because we'd we'd actually started to kind of make some connections with a few of those couples and it was so weird they like just punched holes in the bottom of the boat the whole thing just i've never met such chatty kens in my whole life and two of them were at this right yeah okay if you're nervous drink smoke something pinch yourself and ask your wife to talk for a while or whoever.
Take deep breaths. Ask more questions, right? Do more listening. Do more listening because you're not going to get any action if you're doing all the talking. Here's why we sail on virgin it's adults only no kids screaming at breakfast no family buffet lines just champagne at noon late night pool parties and people who actually want to be there. The vibe? Think boutique hotel that happens to float. Tattoo parlors, drag brunch, restaurants you'd actually pay for on land.
Plus, when you're looking to connect with other couples who know how to have fun, let's just say Virgin attracts a very specific type of adventurous. No wonder Breadcruisers here, just your people. Yeah, because people like to talk about themselves. I get it. But a good listener wants to hear about somebody else too. And so if you're doing all the talking, you're not doing as much listening. Exactly. And if you're doing all the talking, you're not doing any listening as to what she wants when you're down on her.
And she says, lick to the left, lick to the right, lick in the center and suck real tight. He's not going to hear that. No. Very important instructions. Please pay attention. You know, I just made that up. That was pretty good. We need to write that down i want to say that again we can make a song out of that all right next one what is it boom being too honest yeah and this is similar to the kind of the verboten subjects that we mentioned before you know don, you don't have to go into a bunch of detail about your family stuff, like the dynamics, how many kids you have, all that kind of stuff.
Um, don't talk about the skeletons you've got in your closet, right? Nothing to scare somebody off. Like hearing about all the weird, bad things that you've done in your past. We've had people tell us about lawsuits, and I was like, hmm. Yeah. Some are interesting. Some are a little uncomfortable.
Because depending on the perspective of the person you're talking to, just like the forbidden subjects, maybe they don't feel the same way as you do and you've now set this up as like oh that's awkward because hmm yeah the long and short of it is keep it sexy simple stupid yeah next topic nothing nice if you don't have anything else nice to say as your mom would tell you don't say anything negative talk of others is definitely not sexy and it's very very off-putting so please don't don't do that about others you You can talk about others and say, hmm, you know, you could say, I guess how how we have warned others about others.
For example, we know of a particular gentleman whose condom frequently tends to slip off. Yes. And so I have warned one of my very good friends of that. And I said, he's very nice. He's fun to play with. But I would be careful. Pay attention. Pay attention. If you want to play with him, by all means, do so so but just be aware of where the condom went she's like okay yeah and that's not speaking badly of no per se you're not it it's a word of caution or awareness for somebody right i guess that's that's the way to do it.
Where we've seen it, it's they were terrible lay or they can't, you know, whatever. Yeah, like way bad, like disrespectful, not good. Well, it's kind of awkward to hear somebody else being torn down. Right.
Secondly, you're talking to somebody who you want to play with and they're thinking am i going to be a victim of that yes to the next couple right and let's all be honest not everybody is a full-on rock star porn star in every sexual encounter it may have been a bad night right right you got to give people a break so yeah complaining don't complain I don't complain it's not sexy yeah okay done we're good done we're done with uh nothing nice to say uh the next topic don't get too high or too drunk because y'all know you ain't that sexy yeah not only are you not that sexy if you go too far over the edge you lose that connection with someone and we talked about this at one of our parties that we went to some friends of ours he he likes to smoke pot which is fine i don't have an issue with that but when he he uses the parties to to really kind of just I'm going to show smoke a little more, I think.
And so he tends to check out. He's in his own little world, and so I can't connect with him, therefore not sexy. It basically turns into the exact opposite of Chatty Ken. Right.
Yes completely silent and almost comatose you can't you can't engage with them you still can't connect yeah yeah so you you lose that not to mention the fact that if you're too drunk or too stoned or whatever a you may not be feeling very well at the end of the night right you could end up throwing up and being asked to never come back to a party oh yes that does happen and we've seen that happen a number of people tend not to get asked back so that's kind of a big thing actually yeah yeah so everything in moderation yeah and long short of this you want to have a good time so don't overdo it right because you could end up with an ed situation you could end up with uh just sitting in the corner sipping on water hoping that the room stops spinning because none of that's fun or you get yourself into a situation where you didn't really consent to something you normally would if you were more sober right and then you're sorry for about it the next day and that's no fun yeah you start breaking rules or boundaries or something happens right you just don't know how to handle exactly next item don't be pushy or desperate sex should be fun because it is fun yeah it's not an agenda and it's not a bucket list item although i um we do have bucket list items but we have a list bucket list but it's not the goal yeah yeah you have a list and then the night progresses you're not going to the to the event or to someone's house with a oh unless you know that really well and you do have a list and we did have a couple that we really knew pretty well and we did have a list we're like okay let's try this next time and that was super fun but generally you don't you but you have your list and then at the end of the night I'll see this next time and that was super fun but generally you don't you but you have your list and then at the end of the night at the end of the party you're like oh my god that was one of the things on the list yeah we get to check that off yeah it's super fun we've had a few of those next one too flirty that's me if if i drink a little bit too much then i tend to be super flirty i'm flirty that's me uh if if i drink a little bit too much then i tend to be super flirty i'm flirty enough as i know but i get even more flirty you get to be like the love of flirty it's it's a little it's a little off-putting to one partner and it could be off-putting phoebe appreciates it to a certain degree and she thinks it's fun but you could be We'll be right back.
partner and it could be off-putting phoebe appreciates it to a certain degree and she thinks it's fun but you could be off-putting to the spouse of the person who you're flirting right right they may not be able to handle it some people just don't like that like super intimate thing and there's a point at which it becomes awkward right so or you start write checks that maybe can't be cashed because you're all in and your partner's like i'm not sure yet we need to talk about this so and it's important while you're flirting to get to know the couple yeah so flirting can be good because you kind of open up some doors and you set the mood and it's sexy, which is important.
Right. Keep the touching to an appropriate level. Right. What is that? It kind of depends on the situation. You can have to read things. It does.
But too much touching during conversation can be off-putting and not enough maybe you're not showing interest so you know touching the hand or the arm as you're having a conversation or a little hand on the knee kind of thing during conversation can be fun or dancing and when you're dancing all kinds of things happen oh yeah with the flirting and the touch yes and the dress is coming up yes we're down fetishes is another one many do exist and not all swingers are into them so you know don't try to pressure others into one you know if that happens to be your thing but make sure uh they do know Thank you.
So, you know, don't try to pressure others into one, you know, if that happens to be your thing. But make sure they do know that you have a specific fetish and that you are currently engaging in one. For example, the dom and sub role. early on we ran into this couple where the dom and sub role was was um actively going on that night and i was not allowed to talk to her only to him but i didn't know that he didn't tell me that so when i talked to her i kind of got in felt like i. And then, then he told me, you can't talk to her unless you talk to me first. Right.
And then I felt bad because I felt like I offended them because I didn't know. And then I felt like I should know because, but I didn't know. And I'm like, why didn't you tell me?
And so I had all these emotions that were like going back and forth not wanting to offend people not knowing the rules and blah and at the time we had exactly like zero experience with oh yeah this was like one of the very first of three parties except for the whole thing that happened to me in college which is a whole probably a whole other episode we could get into what you had a dom sub thing in college oh the fetish club i went to in san francisco oh for anybody who's old school bay area uh from you think back to the mid 90s there was a club in san francisco called the trocadero and they had a an event each week called bondage a go-go and it was my first exposure to the whole leather and bondage and fun stuff it was hot uh being in college and watching all that stuff going on lots of pushed up boobs and yeah that was fun that sounds fabulous i don't think it goes on anymore but it was a thing all right next one power balance most people want everyone to have a good time this goes kind of into what i was talking about with the fetishes you've got your dominant or submissive role um can't be off-putting or confusing just make sure you know you just tell that person right and uh oh the other one the power the power balance i don't like this one the director yes we ran into that a lot in the very beginning and not so much anymore do this i want to see you lick lick her pussy look her tit touch her tit kiss her kiss her i want to do it do it like the guy i'm like i'm not in a porn i'm not getting paid like really i gotta do whatever i want to do oh my.
That was such a turnoff. It would make me mad. But I don't see or experience people doing that anymore, which is good. It happens a little bit, but it's more of like a subtle suggestion. It's less of that, like, kind of a pushy thing. Yes. Yes. Yeah. I did not like that one guy actually happened a couple of times, but anyway. Yeah. All right, everyone. Thank you for hanging in there. The last one. Passive participation. So swinging takes work. It does. It really does. I mean, you've got it. You got to find the events.
You're on the prowl during the event trying to find the right people you're making conversation you're you got your a game on um you're constantly we are constantly surveying the room the entire time hustling we not that we're working but we're working we are because you're trying to meet as many people or as as you can in a limited amount of time and make a lot of great connections in a limited amount of time and hopefully make something happen in a limited amount of time right there's a lot to do people turn to pumpkins past a certain hour so yes you gotta be on your game yes and the kind of the the whole prep leading up to it is also a very active participation thing for you know anybody who's been on a dating site before or on a swinger site it you know it takes an active level of engagement with the site, following up on emails, reaching out to people, constantly working on your profile, you know, you got to add new pictures, take things down, you change your, your wording.
You've had a play experience that has changed your boundaries. Well, now you got to go update your profile.
And if you're on a couple different sites you got two or three different sites you got to go update you got to join groups you're you know you are moving all the time it's like any hobby right you you've you've got to keep working it you got to put the investment and the time into it now i will say i do have empathy for for the people that aren't updating their profile on regular basis and things like that because you know you jump in and you get overwhelmed and you jump back out for a little while and you're not that's not your main focus or you've got young kids or you're taking care of a parent and life happens you've changed jobs and other stuff gets in the way you're not on the site every week or every day or even once a month absolutely so but when you do decide that you want to jump back in and you want to start you know getting more fire yeah stoking the fire you probably have to be on a minimum once a week minimum yeah and and you know you go in you hadn't been on in a while to update your email um make sure that you're you're reaching out to people who you're interested in and you know if if you choose to you can also let people down gently if you're not interested um but yeah like when when you're on there, take care of your business and move along.
Right. There's also the whole aspect of creating communication accounts. Right. Me, we, those kinds of things. It's a way to stay engaged kind of outside of the normal swing sites. Right. You've made a connection with somebody and you want to maintain that connection. Yep. You check in. Yeah. So as you start to go to more parties, go to more events, meet more people, get connected, you know, it just starts to build and build. And then, then you start, you know, staying in touch and staying in touch.
And then all of a sudden people are reaching out to you for a party and, you know, things like that. And most importantly, if you want to stay in this for a while, you've got to make connections. When you attend parties, you go to a party, you make those friends and you find out about other parties and those parties, you find out about other ones and you start to build up your network. Exactly. That's what I was just saying. I think I jumped ahead of you. A little bit, yeah.
Those connections are important and parties are a good way to make those connections because you find out about more parties. Right. Oh my goodness, that was a long list, but really, really good. Hopefully this helps you get the swing back in your swing game. Have fucking fun. Specifically fucking fun. Yeah. Thanks for listening, everyone. This is Ed. And Phoebe Sang. Thanks for listening to Swinger University, where we give you more than just the tip. The Swinger University needs your help.
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