Jealousy in the Lifestyle: Breaking Down the Dynamics

Transcript

Speaker1: Welcome back, everybody, to an all new episode of the My Secret Seduction podcast. I'm John and I'm Sue. And this time around, we're going to talk a little bit about jealousy, you know. It's something that from time to time we hear people talking about in the lifestyle. It's kind of what pretty much held us back from getting involved for a long time because you and I had jealous. Yes. Yeah. But we've also got with us here another couple joining us. We've just enjoyed a weekend together, the four of us. Please welcome to the podcast, Dee and Jay. Hey, Dee. Hey. Hello, Ron. Hey, Jay. Hello, Ron. Hello, everyone. So, jealousy. Okay. Now, when I proposed this to you, you guys were kind of like, who's jealous? What's to be jealous about? You know, jealousy, though, there's different forms. I mean, for us, we didn't get into it because for the longest time, because both of us were kind of insanely jealous. I mean, insanely jealous. Before we got into it. You would come to my job if a waitress was flirting with me. I once drove about an hour to my job. Yeah. To go and kick her butt. Because she didn't like the fact that she was... Because it was disrespectful. Yes. Okay. She knew you were married. But I think there was... But like, if we were going to be in the lifestyle, there was no chance if like, that could have happened. Or the fact, like I said, you'll go out with a friend of yours, male, who's gay, and I got mad. He got mad not because I was... It was more of like the friendship connection and the spending of the time together and doing something fun. And he was jealous of that. He knew nothing sexual was going to happen, but he was just jealous of the attention. Mind you, I did say you could turn a gay man straight. That's how good you are. So stupid. I know. I was young. Yeah, you were young. And the thing is, I think a lot of that also, a lot of what the jealousy comes down to is trust. If you don't trust, and maybe that was where some of us, I know you say it was disrespect, but you would like even walk in. I'm bartending one night doing service bar and you walk in and I've got all the waitresses around me tipping me out. We're just chatting up and you walk in and you've got the scowl on your face and they all know the scowl. Oh, because I walked in and they were, I just, I heard him. He was in the bar and I just heard all the waitresses. He was like, you know, he was making jokes and they were, he was holding court and they were all giggling and laughing. And I walked in and as soon as they saw me, they all scattered. Yeah. So why did they all scatter? Because they knew you were a shrew. Oh. Oh. But now seeing you two, like I said, when I suggested this, said what jealousy. So I'm assuming from the get go, the trust was there with you two. Very much so. And I think it's not just the trust in him. It's trust in myself. So I have friends, or I'm still friends, with people I've dated in my past. And there's no going back to that. It's a friendship. It's not going to develop into anything else. And I know that. And he knows that. And I think it's that type of confidence, knowing that I will never. To me, it's not worth anything to do anything with anybody else. else that this is where it springs from because I am not jealous of him at all at all because I know he would never stray let's put it that way right you know and now that we're in the lifestyle and he's enjoying himself with somebody else it's like great good for him or if I see someone looking at him you know going oh I like that or that's mine that's mine it's more pride than anything else. But it's also, I think part of it also is, and I think this is why I would get jealous and I would get like that before we were in the lifestyle, because if a woman knows that you're with me and she's still flirting with you and trying to make something happen to me, again, that is incredibly disrespectful. And I would make me angry. I'm like, that's not right. But like in the lifestyle, it's all consent. It's like, we go to these things and I'm like cheering them on. I'm like, you go, you know, you have a good time. Because I'm allowing it. And there's an understanding. You know, it's, it's, that's, I think, makes a huge difference. Like, I don't see it as disrespectful. Because they have your permission. Because they have my, he has my permission. And the woman is, I'm fine with, you know. Now, what would make me jealous? And it hasn't happened. Well, it hasn't really happened. Like, if all of a sudden, a woman that, like, you met in the live stuff, she started texting you. Okay. Right. Like, you know, like, you say really hasn't. Well, that one woman, there's that one woman that texted you. But we didn't do anything. No, you haven't done anything. But I still didn't like it. I still didn't like it. Yeah, but that was more of a business type thing. Because she just got my number because she found it or whatever. I mean, yeah, I just should have. What I should have done was I should have said you should continue this with Sue. No, but what you did is you, I think, set up a group chat. That's right. That she never used. And she kept texting you. Yeah, that's true. Directly. Okay. So that I didn't like. That's where you have to set down. Yes. The rules and say, listen, you do not. Because we had met a couple. And that's one of the things the wife said is like, you know, I don't mind a four way, but I will not accept you texting this one gentleman, you know, him. Yeah. On your own. It's group or nothing. Or I could speak with her directly. Yeah. That's why our chit chat. the girl chit-chat kind of thing. Or the guys. Was okay. Yeah. Same thing with the guys, but not. Yeah. Right. Male to male. Right. Yeah. A lot of people do have that rule. Yeah. That's pretty typical, pretty common. So, like, the one time that she hasn't texted you. No, not in ages. Yeah. In fact, I was expecting possibly something to come because they were coming to one of our parties. Right. And they didn't. Right. But, yeah. I didn't like so like I wouldn't say it brought me to the place of being jealous because I knew you weren't it's not like you were going to run off with her or anything like that I knew that but like it was annoying to me because I felt that that you know what no and especially when he said oh go to the group the group text and she didn't and she would continue to text him directly it's just disrespectful but that's the thing though you couch your what you did is disrespectful but it came across more like you were just jealous like you were going out there Oh, before you mean when? Like with the waitress. Yeah. Like when you talk about the, that's one thing to say disrespectful. See, I trusted you. I knew you weren't going to. No, did you? I did. Okay. I did. Well, because, well, you were cheated on and you always said to me, I never want to put anybody through that. That's true. Right? That's true. So I knew you, I didn't, I wasn't worried about you cheating. I, it was more, and maybe that isn't truly jealousy. I don't know if that's considered jealousy, but it was more like, how dare you? Like, you know that he's with somebody. Like, That is just not right. You just don't do that. So. All right. So then what about all the times prior to this? I mean, I know for years we talked about getting into the lifestyle and stuff like that. But like, I mean, even something simple as we're walking down the street and this gorgeous woman's walking by and my head starts to turn a little and she goes, no. Because it's, I'm playing. Because that's also what I'm joking. I'm joking. You don't think so. You think I'm really mad. I'm not really mad. And I know, I know, the women that you're going to look at. I know. When I see a woman, I'm like, he's going to check her out. And then I watch to see if he does. And he does. And I'm like, but it's normal, I think, to check out a beautiful person. Yeah, why not? Why didn't we cover this thing years ago? We would have been so ensconced in the lifestyle. Oh, you know what? I think, though. Okay, but that's a good point. But see, the thing is, I think, though, even though I wouldn't say, like, you know, that it was more about disrespect. I don't think I could have gotten over it to be in the lifestyle years ago I don't think I could have handled seeing you with somebody else years ago right because I just it didn't you know what I mean like I just was I wasn't in the right place for that I don't know what what flipped the switch for me honestly or for both of us because we both kind of came to the same consensus at the same time yeah we both were kind of like yeah I would say that being in the lifestyle requires a lot of trust yes And it's all about compersion and not jealousy. And being in a lifestyle, your relationship has to have a rock-solid foundation. And the moment you have jealousy in there, well, your lifestyle journey won't be short-lived. And from the get-go, from the beginning when you meet somebody, I can understand when you're in a vanilla relationship, you have to have so many years behind you. You have to build up that foundation. So it's only normal jealousy, somebody's trying to insert themselves into a relationship. Just a regular. You're assuming someone's trying to cheat with your significant other or break it up or that. I understand completely. That is not jealousy. That is pretty much yours. But as time goes on, you've got 10, 15, 20, whatever. Yeah. Mature and have different, I guess, confidence and trust levels depending on the length of the relationship. But once you get that point, you start discussing things and then And that's when you walk in, you have to be able to be aware of being able to see your significant other enjoying herself or himself with somebody else and not feeling jealousy, but compersion. The whole point of the thing is if you're going on a journey together, you want to ensure both of you are having fun. Right. If one person's enjoying themselves and the other one's kind of looking out of place or looking, having some sort of PTSD or just not enjoying themselves, it's not for you. and after. During is not usually a good time to make snap decisions, but definitely have a feedback session. And then even if you don't have a, I don't like the term, a reconnection. Yeah, reconnection is a word I'm looking for. A connection with your significant other. Having sex, talking about your feelings. And if you don't do it the night of, you're exhausted, do it the night after. And then for us, at least on a personal level, I knew. I was always concerned a bit about her. Not jealousy so much, but how she stood. And I had an idea. But when we met a couple, he had for coffee, meet and greet. There was no potential with them, no connection. But the lady looked across at Jay and asked her, would you have a problem with seeing him with another woman? And she looked back and just said, no, it wouldn't bother me the slightest. It's what we're here for, right? I mean, no, I'd have no jealousy. And I think it was a probing question, testing question, to see how she was. And I don't think they thought we were serious. And I was a little bit surprised at her response. It's kind of an odd question to ask somebody if you're meeting a lifestyle couple. I think they were serious. We were starting out. Oh, you were still many, many years. This was our first foray. Our first meeting. Oh, gotcha. First anything. And I think what she was trying to establish is that there's no place for jealousy. Gotcha. She thought our lack of connection was due to perhaps jealousy. I'm like, no, there's just no connection on the four of us. Sometimes you're just not feeling it. We weren't feeling it. And that's what it was. And I was a little bit, when I was shocked by her answer, I was like, how do you feel a little bit? A little tear rolling down my cheek. But no, it's not, you know, I've been envious. I can say that for sure. You know, seeing somebody with him and they're having an amazing, But never jealous. See, that's a really good question. That's the distinction because there's jealousy of this person might be like, you know, trying to take him away. And I do or or does he find her more attractive or she find him more attractive? And then there's the jealousy. Like you say, oh, look at him. He's having. But is it that a little bit where you're saying, why is he having that? No, no. I know exactly. Is it because you're you kind of like he's having a better time? than you at that moment. And you're kind of like, not really. Oh, really? I didn't know that. I'd like to sit back. Like when we go to a party. Yeah. I observe. I like to watch. I like to see. I want to make sure that everybody is having fun. She reads the room. She analyzes like a soldier walking in. I need to see because if there is somebody that is left out, that's mine. Okay. Okay. I'm not going to let anybody be left behind. Right. Put it that way. But you're also not going to take one for the team. Let's be fair. No. But I mean, we've been to a party where somebody was having a little trouble, you know, and I sat with him. We cuddle on bed. We chit chatted and stuff like that. And that was fine to me. That was wonderful. People, everybody was, you know, whatever. But that's something like rather than leaving him where he's just sitting by himself. Yeah. But look him over and see. And they were having an amazing time. And it was just like, hmm, I didn't get you some of that later. And that's basically what it was. It wasn't like, oh, what is she doing? No. It's almost like having one of us having a superb performance as one of the partners and a somewhat underwhelming or lackluster experience. But that can happen. That happens in the lifestyle. It's part and parcel of the game. But I never blame myself for I think maybe that's what it is. You could even be with frequent play partners too. Somebody could just have like an off night. Exactly. Exactly. I just think in terms of, because like I, it happened once where we were with a couple and I had just finished up with the lady and she turned to her man and she said, why don't you do that like he does? And I was like, oh my God, that's awkward. You know, because she had, I guess I'd really done something. All I did was, she was, you know, doggy style, but I grabbed her arms. Oh, you grabbed her arms, yeah. And I just started going harder. It was almost like bucking a horse. But she, she loved it. She loved it. And she started, and I just said, oh, wow. Like, that's the kind of things like, oh. And I've got to admit, like, early on when we were, and you were having, like, a better time. Because I was still awkward with a lot of things. But some of it was also just, she doesn't get that loose with me. She never seems to be that comfortable with me. It seems, you know? At the time, which is obviously not true. Obviously not true. But she also knows your body intimately. She knows every button, every dial, everything to push. So when she's with somebody else, it's unexplored territory. There's the excitement of the new. Exactly. What do they call that in her ear? Right. So that's like almost like the honeymoon phase when you start dating. You're not dating this person. You're sleeping with them, but you're getting to know them and you're finding out what's their erogenous zone, what turns them on, what sets them off. But that's fun, right? That's fun. That's fun. I already know all of his buttons and yeah. It's just so. For those of you who can't, who don't see this, he's sitting here rubbing his nipples right now. That's actually not one of your buttons. Being silly. All right. So, but here's the thing. So, this is the first time, the very first play session we had. It was soft swap. Right. At Saints. Right. And we went down to the playroom. Right. And you were the one that was like figuring I was going to be. Yeah, I figured. Like more reserved. Because you were already frozen the very first time. We didn't even go down the very first time. Right. But then when we went down and. I was the one that was doing acrobatics. Yeah, she was, it was just all soft. And meanwhile, I'm in my head. He got way up in his head and got super nervous. I mean, I went down on her, but like, I wasn't really doing it. Like, I know I wasn't doing it the way I'm, because I just, and I kept looking over going, holy shit. And you were like, holy shit. Like, yeah, like, we were like 69ing, reverse 69ing. Yeah, you were all sorts of, and you had such a big smile on your face and everything. And this is after she'd also made out with the woman on the dance floor. So, like, we went from zero to, you know, 60, where the party before, you couldn't even go downstairs because they were naked. Next thing you know, you're getting naked on the dance floor, making out with the woman, going downstairs, then doing, you know, 69 with her man. And I was like, where did all this come from? I had an experience with hers. Like, my first time, I really played With a woman. Yeah. Where the hell did all that come from? You were standing there going, what the? What is happening right now? I believe it builds up over time and eventually the first couple times you're nervous. The dam broke. The dam broke and then there you go. The floodgates open and a little bit of perhaps a little liquid courage or alcohol take the edge off and all the nerves go away, the inhibitions and even. Yeah. Yeah. And you did. Yeah, I mean... You did enjoy yourself. It did. It did. Okay, so then, and I think you said it best, you should not be in the lifestyle if you're going to be jealous. That's just it. You know, there's just no two ways about it. Because, I mean, is it from time to time possibly going to happen? Sure. I think sometimes you wonder if I, you know, because I tease her a lot. Oh, yeah. A lot. I tease her. But I tease her. It's what we do. We've been doing this since we've known each other. So to me, I don't think anything of it like, you know, I'll be like, yeah, she's like with a young, you know, single guy, you know, playing at a party and stuff. And I was like, you were a real slut there last night. And she's like, Oh, you're mad, aren't you? You're mad that I had a good, and I'm like, No, I'm not. I'm just teasing you. You know, frankly, I, you know, I'm good. I'm good. It's not like he's calling you up, you know, afterwards. Yeah, they asked me to go to dinner. No, and respectfully, they contact me and say, I had a really good time with her. I'd love to do it again if you guys are game. Right. You know? Yeah. But. Yeah. I'll always tell her afterwards, like, oh, you were really hot doing this with that and this and that. And I saw, looked over and saw this and wow. Yeah. Yeah, we do that. We do that. Yeah. Yeah. But I think everybody has a little feedback session. Oh, yeah. Yeah, you do. She'll tell me, did you like this? I enjoyed that. Not so much this. But I had this and had that. And then, you know, it's great when you could just sit back and say, yeah, you were really hot last night. You were dialed in, baby. Yeah. Well, that's, yeah. I mean, that's a lot part of the fun. Like you were saying, compersion, which I think is great because I don't, I don't know if everybody gets there with the compersion. Like, were you really, so like we have friends who they're in the lifestyle too. And she does get jealous. She will get jealous. And she said to me, like, you know what? Sometimes, like, I'd rather he just go off in another room because I don't want to, like, she knows something is happening, but she doesn't actually want to see it because it makes her a little jealous. Not like crazy jealous, but a little jealous. And I thought, and then she asked me, she's like, do you get jealous? And I'm like, no, I don't, you know? But, I mean, they're also newer in their relationship. They're newer in their relationship, but they've been in the lifestyle longer than we have. Yeah, true, true. You know, I mean, because they kind of got together and almost immediately went into the lifestyle. Yes, from the beginning. From the beginning when they were, yeah. You know, so, you know, but I think the compersion is a big part of it for us, at least. Like, I enjoy that you have a good time. And there have been times where, like, I've sat back and just kind of been like, I'm done, I'm good, and I would watch. And then there's other times you walk away because you're like, I'm tired. Because I get bored. She gets bored. Not because it's like, I don't want to see it. She's just, yeah, this isn't doing anything for me. I want to have some snacks. I'm going to get something to eat. You have a good time. I'm good. Her J's position on that is like she doesn't show a watch like you said to make sure everybody's having fun and she'll make sure I'm not in any kind of distress and make sure I'm enjoying myself. Right. But it doesn't excite her necessarily to see me with another woman and it doesn't sometimes it's hit or miss with just walking in a room and I'll maybe turn her on. Maybe it won't. Right. Who knows? That's a crap shoot at best. But seeing her with another man does turn beyond. So, I mean, but that doesn't mean if I'm still going and she's finished, she'll either find somebody else to play with or she'll just sit there and have a drink or chat with somebody or, you know, she'll be a social butterfly or someone to come along and scoop her up and for some more fun and then I look over and she's being entertained or anything. Being entertained. Entertained. Yeah. Watching somebody else doesn't Well, I mean, it does on occasion. Like, if you watch an X-rated film once in a blue moon, it won't do something. If you're most of the time, it won't. Yeah, but that's porn. That's not the same as real life. Well, walking in a room, depending who it is, you might enjoy it, you might not. I just don't think you get anything out of me. She's seen me some million times. She can have me a million times. I think I'm more analytical. Or, you know, if I walk in and you two are, I'll be like, what did he do? Like, oh, that's kind of cool. But it's not like, oh, my God, that's, You know? It's kind of like getting back to conversion. Another thing I do is when I see somebody, you know, like let's say someone's pleasuring S or somebody's pleasuring J, I'll sit there and yes, I'm enjoying it, but I'm also, well, that's an interesting technique. And I'm like, I'm going to try that next time. And J gave me a good idea for using holding the arms during doggy style. I think I'll try that today. Oh, so that's okay. So that's what you were saying. Yeah. That's some good. That's some good stuff. Yeah. I do listen. Yeah. On occasion. And that's the thing. And that's the funny thing, because I'd never done it with you before. And you didn't say to, I mean, she put her one that she put her hands out. You've never done it before. I've never done it before either. And then after that, that's become part of our, that's part of my, It's part of your bag of tricks. My bag of tricks. Yeah. Yeah. But I think that's it. If you can feel the compersion, you're not going to feel the jealousy. Right. Compersion is the other end of it. It's the flip side of it. And it's when you feel the conversion, you also have reached that point where it's like, this isn't about me. This is about you and I'm so happy. Or the two of you together. Well, I mean, like, if I'm feeling the compersion because you're with D, it's like, okay, I'm happy for you that you had a good time. That I'm having a good time, yeah. Rather than, why wasn't she having a good time with me? Right. You know? And that's the one thing I'll also say, when you start to feel that, before you come right out and say, why don't you, like, she did that time, why don't you do that to me? Oh, that one, yeah. Even though she's the one who initiated it. I mean, she could have just had him doing it all along, which is another way to think. But like, instead, why not turn it around and say, hey, that looked like a lot of fun. Let's try that next time. I saw you doing that with him. Can we try that next time? You know, I saw you, you know, on your back with your head over the bed or whatever, you know, can we try that next time? Because did you enjoy it? You know, you look like you enjoyed it. Now I want to try it. your wife and not throwing them under the bus. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. But I'm just saying, I'm just saying in general, because that's, I think, a lot of times, too, you know, the jealousy really gets ugly when you do things like that. Where the hell did that come from? You never do that to me. You know, that kind of thing. But it's also tone. Yeah. Why haven't we done that before? Yeah. Or why don't you do that with me? Yeah. How you say it. Makes a big difference. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. But I think bottom line, yeah, don't be in this if you're going to be jealous. And, you know, we've met people in the lifestyle over, you know, the years that, you know, it's very clear that sometimes people get into it because they're having problems in their marriage or their relationship. Have you ever run into that? Plenty. Yep. That is like a recipe for disaster. Like you were saying, you got to have a foundation. That's where I think you're going to get the jealousy. If you're going into this, because you're having, it's like having a baby to solve a marriage problem. It's like, you don't go and fuck other people to try and solve, save your relationship. That's not going to work. Right. You know, and we've run into people like that. Oh yeah, we have. Or we've run into people where it's very clear and it's usually the guy. It's very clear. The guy is in it and he wants to be in it. And the woman is just kind of, you could just tell she's like, she's apprehensive, but she's sort of going along. with it because she probably feels like she has to. Right. To make them happy. Yeah, to make them happy. And like those situations where like, no, that's, you know, if not, if everybody's not like 100% up for it into it, then it's not, it's not good. You both have to be getting something out of it. Yeah. And you both want to want to be part of the, you know. To me, it's rewarding when I look over and I see you're having an orgasm with somebody else. And then I'm like, I know she's enjoying herself. The proof is in the pudding, literally. And there you go. It's when I see there and she looks like she could, well, it hasn't happened yet. But if I look over and she'd rather be reading a book or something, well, yeah. Sitting there on your phone. I would never do that. I would never do that. But yes, my whole point is you both have to be invested. Now, could one person be slower than the other? Sure, sure. That's why you communicate. You take steps. move at the comfort speed. Of the person who is, yes. Absolutely. But that's where I'm in a group setting. I like to look around, see what's happening. Who's, you know what I mean? Who's connecting up with who and stuff like that. Who do I want to be with or, you know. And I'll be networking while she's doing that. And he jumps right in the deep end. No, but I'll talk to people and she'll be sitting there for a while looking, observing, analyzing, and I'll be talking to people, vetting them, like in my own mind. Right. And I'll be talking. So we're doing our own work together. Mm-hmm. But a parking thing. But a different approach. And then we come back and we meet. So what do we like? And then we discuss it. And then we, there's a, we launch our, we launch our strategy. Yes, we launch our attack. Because I still have things that make me uncomfortable that, and. Yes. And he, you know, He's like, oh, let's, you know, no, I'm just gonna stand back and go ahead. Yeah. Go get in there. Go have fun. I'm okay. I'm okay. Yeah. Right. You know? And I'm really okay. Like, it's. Yeah. But everything is sometimes, so one thing in the lifestyle, you can never say never because slowly but surely certain rules, certain boundaries. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Change or move. They do. For sure. I mean, that's part of like the, The journey of being. Because being in the lifestyle is a journey in of itself. You know, you do change. You do grow. I think that's when I finally realized I was over any jealousy with you was when both of us had opportunities to go to parties alone for different reasons. You were out of town one time. Yes. And everybody was like, oh, come to the party. Even if you just sit at the bar and drink and hang out and talk to people. And then you were like, but if the opportunity presents itself. I was fine. I was fine. Same thing when you had to go, you had to go because it was a birthday party and you had the cake. Yeah. And I had to stay home with our son. But like, I was like, go ahead. It's okay. Also, I knew because, and it was the same group of people. So that was part of it. For me, I trusted. Well, there's also, yeah. I trusted those people. Like, if you told me you were going to a club, I would have been kind of like, I'm not comfortable with that, you going along. But like, we knew a lot of those people at both parties. So to me, But you didn't go, did you? What's that? In the end, I didn't go. I didn't see the point in driving all the way there. You're like, if I can't get a little something, something. Yeah. And I didn't feel comfortable getting a little something. I know. I might have been able. I don't know. Who knows? I'm the single guy. I wonder if you would do it. See, that was what we were still relatively, still kind of new to. I wonder, would you be able to do it now? Like if I was traveling and there was a party. And there was a group of people. And they were like, just come and hang out. Maybe. Yeah. I don't know. Maybe I would go and just hang out for a little while. Yeah. I could always talk to our two friends who, you know. Who don't play. Who don't play. Much. I would say I would be the same with her. I mean, if it was people we knew when I wasn't around, I'll leave it to discretion. I wouldn't care what or the other. I don't think I would be comfortable with it. I would just take a picture. I said take a picture. If it was couples we knew, if it was couples we knew, I wouldn't mind so much. Strangers, no way. But see, I think, What's interesting, because I went to the party, I drove up with my friend, and her husband was meeting us there, because he was coming right from work. So she and I drove up, we had the cake, got there, and he was like, if you want something to happen. Because you were staying overnight. I was staying overnight. It was a bit of a drive. You were like, if you want to have something happen, go for it. It's okay. I didn't want to. It was just like, and I think that's where it got to the point where it's not about me. it wasn't just about me having sex with somebody and having a good time like he's not there it just wasn't it wasn't gonna be the same it's not fun for me like if you're not there it's kind of like I don't know I didn't really have an interest in it I think something I would say I'm just being lazy if ever I was thinking that there was a scenario like that where she was with a couple as we knew and somebody walked in at a house party somebody that was new and interesting and somebody that really floored you, that once in a lifetime opportunity, I'd be like, I'd be cheering you on. Give me a Jake. But I would not. Yeah. I would try to make some sort of connection with that person. Then maybe you could follow up. Exactly. And then it's just like, okay, I met this guy. You know what I mean? Let's connect with them. Right. That would be interesting. I met this really cool couple, because don't forget, without her... Could be a single guy. You never know. No. One thing I say in the lifestyle, never know. You never know. Any final thoughts on jealousy, Sue? No, I think we... No? We covered it pretty well. I think we covered it pretty well. Communication. Just communication. That's the biggest thing. Communication and trust. Yeah. Communication and trust. Trust in yourself. Trust in yourself, yeah. in yourself and also realizing, you know, it's about both of you. Yeah. You know, again, single guy, like the guy who's into it more than she is. Right. And you're doing it for all the wrong reasons. Right. Yeah. Yeah. So sexy story time. Sure. We've asked J and D if they wanted to share a sexy story. Or I was going to say, if you wanted to, we could just talk about last night. That is a sexy story. It's a sexy story. There you go. Let's... We have fun. We have fun. There you go. Thank you. Thank you. All right. There you go. Sexy story done. It was an enjoyable weekend. It was. It was. Last night. The night before also. Yeah. We're at a resort and we each have our own bedrooms. It's a nice place. And, you know, both nights we've played. But last night we played together. It was interesting. Was that the first time You've done separate rooms? No, we've done separate rooms. You've done it before. Okay. In an open, more of an open setting. Okay. Right. Living room, bedroom kind of thing. So close proximity where we can hear each other and stuff. But even the first night, we were in separate rooms. Yes. And at one point, I couldn't hear you. That's right. Then you went over to open the door. Yeah. Because he's like, I don't hear them. I'm like, I don't hear them either. Yeah. You know what? It's great. That was my error. I closed the door on the way in. I think it was me. At least I can't remember. But I was just like, are they okay? No, but not. Yeah, no. Yeah, exactly. Because I'm like going, I'm like, Sue's usually pretty vocal. Something's not, something's, you know, something's not right. But like the acoustics in here are pretty, I mean, we're like, you don't hear much when you're in the other room with the door shut, which is interesting. Which is good. Yeah, yeah, right. But yeah, so I opened the door and he turned around and he goes, I'm not done yet. I'm like, okay. That's all right. I'm not either. It was an inspiration. I thought, God, don't worry. I'm taking a break because I was just. Yeah. Why were you taking a break? I needed my, I needed it to cool down a little bit. What do you mean? You had an intense orgasm? Yes. Very much so. There you go. And it's just, it needed some, it needed some time. Oh, you have to recalibrate. Yes. Well, after we were done, you were like, oh, you know, I'll go down on you. I'm like, no. Not much sensation. No, I'm good. Thank you very much. But I'm just going to calm down now. I remember watching you walking in because we had finished and I think they had started their second round or she cooled down. We walked over and I saw me that you were in a doggy style and you were lamenting. You were enjoying yourself. Lamenting. That doesn't sound good. Last story. I was... It's a French term. I was being vocal. Lamonté in French is another term for yelling and screaming. But she was dialed in and you had her from behind and she was enjoying your affections. It was well done. I could say that she was really going... And then I heard you when you finished. Oh, yeah. I tend to be... Yeah, I think everybody heard you. I think the neighbors heard you. I think they heard you in the pool. They were holding up placards. Yay, John. I... I tend to be loud when I do. Yeah, I do. Yeah, you are. But that's what you like, too, because you like. I do. The second night was a lot of fun. I got to say, I was enjoying myself immensely with you. Yeah, that was a lot of fun. I have a question with the vocal. It's nice to vocal, right? I'm vocal, too. Like, you know, I can get very loud. A little vocal? A lot vocal? You know. What about talking? I'm not crazy about like joking around because last night when we were in there we're laughing and we're making comments to each other and stuff like that which I think is great I think yeah you know what I mean it's a comfort level right but when people start saying things like dirty talk I'm not a huge fan I'm not yeah it doesn't really do anything for it depends how graphic it is like if somebody says like so I guess the levels of dirty talk if somebody's like oh my god that's so bad that feels so good like I don't know I don't know if I would call that dirty talk but like that I like you're beautiful I love your eyes oh my god your skin's so soft yeah things like that it's not really dirty talk but it's like yeah but that's just like oh you know like harder or more that's just you know what I'm saying or like slow down or yeah you know what I mean or like oh that was great you know but it's like you know I want to blah blah like get really like raunchy see I like it when you do that with me I do it with you because I know you like it My fear is when you see somebody losing their composure. Oh, yeah. I've seen it with her once or twice, and she's getting pounded in all years. Oh, fuck me. Or, oh, fuck. Yeah. Oh, yes. And then she's grabbing her head and thrusting it on her crotch, and she's just having an intense orgasm. That's awesome. She's covering her face. Convulsing. That's great. I've seen her lose her marbles once in a while. It's like, good job. Well done. High five somebody. Highly recommend. Especially when they have multiple orgasms. Like they did last night. You know. But yeah. The talking thing. Let's go back to the talking thing. It's just it's not my thing. Like I will tell him like when he's talking. I'll be like. Just be quiet. Don't be. She's not so much into that. You're not like really loud. But you are vocal in the sense that I know that you're having a good time. So I I've been with guys where, like, honestly, not a fucking peep. Not a peep. And I'm like, am I not? Is it just not? But, like, you know, they seem to have a good time. Like, their body reacts in a way that makes me think, okay, well, you know, mission accomplished. But they just, you wouldn't know it. They might be too busy concentrating on just not losing it so quickly or keeping it up. Maybe. I don't know. You know, it could be that. That or they're inside their own head. Am I doing a good job? Am I going fast? Am I going slow enough? Is she enjoying herself? And they're all worried about their performance. and your enjoyment than your own enjoyment. Right. I can speak from personal experience on that. Sometimes you get dialed in. Yeah. But then there's the opposite. Sometimes when you're doing the same room, you're both feeding off each other. They're both couples. Like I look for you and you're having the time of your life and you're mourning and groaning and doing something really good or really interesting. Right. She's enjoying it and she's going off like a firecracker that feeds me, that feeds her. And you play off each other, the energy level. Oh, yeah. Well, that's what happened last night. I think when we took it, we started in the living room, but when we took it into the bedroom, I think that's where we really were feeding off each other's energy. And what I liked is like, you know, when you reach out with your partner, when you're with, you know, and then you reach out and like, you just, even if like, you just like rub an arm or, you know, I mean like that's like very. Or rub a nipple. Or rub something. Rub something. Or rub that. Or rub that. But that's, yeah, that's very hot. I always, I like that. When you're having an orgasm and you're, Significant other reaches out and kisses your wife. Wow. That was the first. Your eyes. That was funny. Wait, wait. There you go. Let me ask. So, all right. Your favorite part of the weekend in terms of the sex. You know what? I mean, I enjoyed both nights. I enjoyed being with the separate in the room. All of us together Because that was just That was really hot last night That was just really, really hot last night It was fun It was a lot of fun It was a lot of fun Yeah You reach out and touch your other While having fun with somebody Yeah, that was cool Yeah, I enjoyed Yeah And I did enjoy when he did the I was surprised I didn't realize that you got that from him I thought, well, okay, he knows about this too J for the wing. It was also in the pillowcase maneuver. You take a pillowcase, wrap it around a woman's size, and grab it, and use that. Oh! I didn't do that last time. All right, now you've got something to try. I got that from another podcast. I think a couple next doors, when there's next door. Oh, I like that. He did that technique from the pillowcase. Right. His name was J as well. Oh, wow. Okay. There you go. What did I enjoy over the weekend? I would say it was the incredible oral skills of a certain someone. I liked introducing my toys. Oh, that was fun. Yeah. Yeah. That was fun. That was fun. I liked that. It was just like, what do you think of this? What do you think of that? Someone's going to be a naughty sentence. And then I really enjoyed using the toy on you. That was the thing. There was. All right. No, actually now I got to say three. Three Moments that I really enjoyed. The first was the first night. Because we've got that, what do they call it? The Devon at the end of the bed? That little bench. And I just sat on that bench and you were going to town. And I was like, oh my God, this is, you know, so cool. You know, just because just sitting there because it wasn't the bed. Right. You know? Yeah. It's also a good level. It was a good level. It was a perfect level. It was a comfortable level. Yes. So. And you were. And you kept apologizing, though, because you thought maybe I was being too rough. Because when you would jump, I would be like... I mean, yeah, but I liked it. I liked it. You've got to be careful sometimes. Then last night, yes, when you were using that toy on me, that was very intense. Very intense. And then my third favorite was... I have like... Because I still... I always love... I love any sort of situation where it's me, Sue, and... another guy. Or another woman. So when I was getting... So like when you're on your back and you know... My head over the bed. And your head over the bed and you're sucking him off and... You were busy at the moment. You were taking a call. You were... Oh, that's right. And I was going down. I mean, we didn't fuck you and I at that point, but I did go down on you. I was going down. To me, that was like hot. That was... Yeah, there was like a human chain going on. It was fun. Yes. See, that was the thing. And I kept thinking, you know, if Jay walks in any moment, we could just... That was intense. The night before. The night before. Next to her when she was having those multiples. It was so much fun to watch. Her head thrown back. Oh my God. Her hands clutching the sheets. That was something. I went to reach over to grab the sheets and I saw Sue's hand holding on to the sheets. I was just like, I need a sheet here. I need a sheet. I got to grab something. I got to grab something. I'm like, I need a pillow. And I'm like, I can't move. I'm not moving. You want a pillow? Take it. Mission accomplished. It was a wonderful weekend. Yeah. Really, really. Yeah. It was. Much needed on all of us. Yeah, definitely. Finally getting the use of the timeshare. Yeah. TimeShare. See? And I didn't even have to do that. TimeSwap. TimeSwap. There you go. Well, thank you for joining us this weekend. We're glad you were able to make it. We had a great time. Thank you for having us. Yeah. Before we wrap things up, let's just talk quickly about what's coming up for us party-wise. This Saturday, April 18th, is our 2069 the sex odyssey party at wicked fun tickets are still on sale head on over to wicked fun.com or wicked fun club.com that's wicked fun club.com uh we so we've got that event and then we've also got may 8th it's a friday night it's our milf madness may milf madness may milf madness so for the ladies for mother's day we're going to have some select single guys but uh but yeah so those are our bigger and big events And I'm also talking to Steve about a Dungeons and Dragons, Dragon Crawl type thing. Dungeons and Debauchery, it's going to be called, though. She's like, nope. See, everybody's focusing too much on the D&D aspect. It's the sex aspect. Because it's going to be, you know, physical challenges that you have to accomplish in order to succeed, you know. We'll see if Steve's up for it. Yeah. Yeah, but I'm working on it. I still am too excited. If nothing else, if he says no, I'm just going to be like, oh, I'm going to table this for some other time, some other place where we could do it. You know, because I think it's too good an idea. All right. So that's it for us then here. Until next time, this is John. This is Sue. E. And J. And we're all saying, keep swinging. The engine hangs a low frequency, cruising past the lines of symmetry. We leave the porch light fading in a glass, watching every inhibition pass. The city settles in a velvet haze, setting fire to our standard days. The heavy scent of jasmine fills the air, while we're breathing in the debonair. Our secret knock upon a heavy door, polished wood across the bottom floor. Eyes collide with strangers turn to kin. They're the rules of common sense within, ah-ah Making every heartbeat incomplete. Swinging in the moonlight. Walking on a tightrope outside. No one has to keep the crown they wear. Then there is a magic we can share. Thanks for listening, you sexy people. If you like what you're hearing, please take a moment to rate and review the show on your favorite podcast platform. Sign up for our monthly newsletter, where we keep you up to date on our comings and goings at mysecretseduction.com. Follow us on SLS, SDC, FetLife and Telegram, all J&S Explorers. This has been a My Secret Seduction production. Blending every shade of pink and blue. Swinging in the moonlight. Twisted through the shadows of the night. Changing all that's just to feel the heat. Making every heartbeat incomplete. Swinging in the moonlight. Walking on a tightrope by our side. No one has to keep the crown they wear. When there is a magic we can share. Swaying in the world won't die, twisted through the shadows of the night. No one has to keep the crowning way. When there is a magic we can shine...