Communication, communication, communication. You hear it from everyone about how important it is to be successful in the LS. J and S share their experiences regarding communication. There's communication leading up to getting into the LS. There's communication with yourselves and with potential play partners before each party and event. There's communication during play. There's communication after play. J and S break down what they do in each of these areas. They also share their experiences from the second night of the Silver and Spicy prom event, held from June 20 to 23, 2025, and read listener emails. Please share your experiences and thoughts with us by writing us at [email protected] us onSLS - JandSExplorersSDC - JandSExplorersFetlife - JandSExplorersSaints and Sinners - JandSExplorersWicked Fun Club - JandSExplorersClub4Play - JandSExplorers Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Transcript
Okay, everyone, gather around. I think it's time that we start this key party. Okay, I want to talk through the rules one more time. All the men will put their keys in the bowl, and then the women will pick a set. We'll break into pairs, and I think you know what happens then. Yeah. There are three bedrooms open upstairs, an airbed in the den, and an upside-down kiddie pool in the garage. And try to keep it down because Kathy's mom's upstairs and she is sleeping. Yep. You know what? Maybe this isn't such a good idea. Don't get cold feet now, honey! We talked about this.
Our love is strong enough for us to share our love and our bodies with others. Hey everybody, welcome back to an all new episode of the My Secret Seduction podcast. I'm Jay. And I'm S. And this podcast isn't exactly happening the way we intended. It's still in the car, but we thought we were going to talk a lot more about a lot of other things, but life sort of gets in the way.
And if there's one other rule about the lifestyle is that life kind of gets in the way we were supposed to go to a party last weekend and only you went yes that's right which is the first time that i've ever been to any kind of a lifestyle event on my own without jay here um so it was a birthday party that uh you know a woman that we know and you know at her house uh we know this couple for a few years now and they have parties you know every so often through the group paradise mountain through the group paradise mountain on On SLS, she can find it birthday so that was the party and i had well we had agreed to take a friend up with us that her husband was going to meet us up there because he was coming straight from work so she lives near us and she said can I come for the ride with you guys?
So she didn't have to drive cause it's a long drive. And we said, sure. And then, uh, she and I went to get the birthday cake for the party and we went, um, so, you know, the plan was we were all going to go up together. The three of us, her husband would meet us up there and we were bringing the cake.
so just as we were about to leave the house our son got sick basically and we didn't feel comfortable leaving him alone the way he was feeling but at the same time normally we would have just said okay we won't go but because uh we had the friend relying us on us for a ride and we had the birthday cake for the party i was, I really need, I should go. I really need to, to go. Right. Um, so Jay stayed home and I went and, you know, I had a good time, but you know, talk about communication. It was funny because, you know, as we, I felt bad about going, I really didn't want to go without him.
And I said before I left, yeah, I'm not going to do anything while I'm up there. And he was, he said, it's okay. You know, if you do, it's fine. Yeah, I, you know, I'd already said to myself, because S, I love you, but there are times where your will, self-will, I guess is a little weak. Self-control. Self-control, that's the word, is a little weak. So I was like, you know what? Rather than trying to have anything where you might have been tempted, might have had some fun, especially if everybody else is having fun, I was like, just do it. It's okay. Because I know you're safe with them.
And that's why I was okay with it, too. It wasn't like you were going to a club or something right these are people we've known for a long time there were you know a lot of people there that we we've known so you know I appreciate that you trusted me and you felt that if I decided to do something when I was there that you'd be okay with it yeah but I didn't. And the funny thing is, and I know people in the lifestyle or, you know, there's different things that people like to do.
There are couples that like to kind of go out on dates with other folks and then come back and tell their, their significant other all about it. And that's part of the turn on and that's all great. You know, that's what you're into.
But strangely strangely when I got up there to the party I had no desire to do anything at all like I didn't want to it just didn't seem like it would be any fun without Jay there I just just didn't want to I had fun talking to people and just kind of you know just hanging out just enjoying the company but I didn didn't want to play with anybody and I didn't play with anybody. And I stayed over because it's a long drive. So I stayed in the same room with a friend of mine and her husband. But again, you know, nothing happened. I had my own little kind of single bed.
They were in the double bed, you know, and it was all good and then i you know enjoyed the next morning we went out to breakfast and then i came home and i was very happy to see my husband when i got home and and the irony of it all was he was feeling a lot better as the evening went on we probably could have just gone but you know these things happen and and that's again part of the lifestyle is that there's also still life outside the lifestyle that you got to deal with at times but that brings us and S mentioned it communication and that's what we want to focus on here today because communication is key if you're not communicating with your partner, and it takes on different levels.
The very first one is the level even before you get in a lifestyle.
Because there are people and we've had them on SLS, approach us about wanting to, you know, meet up with us, their first timers, this that the other thing turns out it's just the guy who signed up for an account and he was kind of hoping he could talk his wife into it and it's like that's not how it goes you don't spring it on your other your partner right right absolutely i mean when it came to us we had been talking about it for a long time we've mentioned this before but part of it also was was just running through all these scenarios we would talk about you know be there in the bed and i'd be like hey honey i could i would love to see you with a with another guy's you know dick fucking you and what have you and you'd say something about a woman sitting on my face while you were sucking my dick, you know, things like that, you know, and that got us worked up and that got us more comfortable with the idea.
You have to communicate and you have to communicate. Then once you're in the lifestyle, you have to communicate what you're good with and what you're not. That's why when you left that night, I was like, go, if you're going to do something, it's fine. And I literally didn't again.
it too you didn't say it no i didn't just say it i meant it i didn't worry about you because again i knew you were with our friends i knew you were with the host there the hostess and her husband they you know we've been there multiple times so maybe if you'd like done that it was a club situation yeah i probably wouldn't have gotten much sleep that night. And I probably would have been texting you a lot. The only time I think I reached out to you was just because I hadn't heard from you that you'd gotten there because it was about a two-hour drive.
Yeah, and it took us longer because we missed our exit, and then I got pulled over by a cop for going too fast. So it took longer to get there than anticipated. Right, right. But communication, once you're in the lifestyle, and this can be communication before you go to an event, and that can be expectations, right?
If any, we've kind of learned, S&I, that having expectations at all, I mean, there's one thing, thing wish listing and having a hope or something but expectations are kind of bad usually when you have expectations that's usually when you end up not having a great time the more you anticipate or expect things to happen you're better off just going with the attitude of you know if something happens great. Just commit it to the fact that you're going to go together to have a good time together. Right.
But, you know, communicating ahead of time about what you're okay doing, what you're not okay doing, what you're comfortable with, and, you know, what you'd like to happen or not happen. Like, that's all important stuff. Sure. Sure.
and there are going to be times where you're going to communicate things and then suddenly realize that they're not as important to you anymore or they're you know like when we first started we had a no kissing rule right there was no kissing but very quickly on as we were doing like meeting up with couples and what have you and it wasn't so much even the couples put pressure on us we wanted to kiss right you know because it felt like for us that something was missing right and that's part of the build-up and that's part of the fun now there are those though who you know it's like that's something special between me and her and that's fine.
Yeah. For us, if we meet a couple that we want to play with and they don't want to kiss, it's not a deal breaker for us. No, not at all. Some folks that we know, it is a deal breaker for them. If somebody doesn't want to kiss, like, they don't want to proceed. But we respect that because we know it is, I think it's kind of like half and half that we've met, like in terms of, you know, 50 percent of couples we've met probably are really into the kissing and like it. And then 50 percent, they don't. Right. I would say.
But I think, you know, so there's the communication going up and leading up to a party event or even if you're just meeting a couple like on a date a date or whatever, just communicating about that. And then I think, and this is where I think I struggle the most.
And this is what Jay was referring to when he said, you know, self-control issues is the communicating during, making sure that you're on the same page during and when things are happening, because it's very easy to get caught up in what's going on and to kind of forget to check in with your significant other, to make sure that they are just as comfortable having a good time, you know, as you are.
And also that what is happening is that it's aligned with what their expectation is as well right well that's the other thing too is communicating with the other couple making sure you're going into that knowing what they're into what what their boundaries are and what their boundaries are and also because there have been a few times where we've had a few because we didn't really communicate we kind of let it just escalate and you've had to like point out oh by the way the condoms are over there right and there was almost like disappointment and that's going to be something i want to talk about at some point yeah it's like what is this obsession lately with or at least i don't know if it's lately but like condoms i mean i would think that's a no-brainer yeah we meet a lot of people who are couples who don't want to use condoms and um yeah it's just it's very interesting to us yeah but anyway yeah we'll definitely talk more about that at another another time sure but like yeah but like in terms of communicating with the couple making sure you're clear with them on what the boundaries are so like you don't get into a weird situation where there's kind of you know expectations right you know that yeah exactly and then and then communicating with each other during during yeah well there's been yeah even like leading up to it like you said there's been one or two times's kind of like been, oh, we're going up to the room.
And I'm like, we are? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Well, sometimes I think in my mind, I think that we're, you and I are on the same page with things at times, maybe because I'm like in the moment. And I feel like you're like right along there with me. And then I don't realize that you're sitting there going, wait, what, what's happening? Right. I mean, I've never complained. The women have been wonderful, but it's also been awkward because I've barely spoken two words to them. Right. Well, meanwhile, you've had like full blown conversations with the guy. Right. Right.
So yeah, whether it's you or whether he comes up to me and is like, you know, Hey, we're, we're really hitting it off. Right. You know, would you guys be interested? You know, cause I don't think he also had the conversation that one time in particular with his wife and she was fine. Right. She was great. But I think for me, that's probably, and I would think probably a lot of people would agree, just maintaining that communication during is probably the most challenging when you're, like, really getting into things or things are, you know, heating up and escalating.
But it's very important because nobody wants to leave a play session feeling bad. Right. I mean, that's, like, the worst, you know, like, feeling bad because things weren't communicated or you weren you weren't on the same page and realize it. And that's happened to us. And it's not a good feeling. So, which then I think leads to the, you know, the other important time to communicate is after. Yes.
Afterwards, the reconnection, and it's not just the sex, although reconnecting sexually great but the communication between the two what did you like what turned you on what would you like to see more of what didn't you like and when you present that what didn't you like it's never should be presented in a way to make a person feel guilty right you know it's meant to say hey I saw that i didn't say anything at the time i'm just letting you know don't do that again right um i mean whether it's i don't know okay i can't think of anything right now but maybe there's just or might even just be that suddenly you realize you know and this does still happen in the lifestyle you know maybe it's like you were just a little too friendly with that person and i'm a little jealous of the way you were with that person you know that kind of communication and it's always best to do it sooner than later honestly yeah usually like we like to talk about you know things that happen on the way home, like in the car, after an event or after we meet a couple or a party, whatever.
We'll talk about it. If you kind of let it go, then you kind of like to sort of forget things, too. Yes, you do. You do. You'll tend to forget things, or then maybe in a moment when you're mad later on suddenly it blurts out that's true you know and that's why i say it say it then say it with the understanding you're not there to to criticize or to punish but just to say hey you know next time if we do this can we do that if if we're going to do this or if it's going to be this couple or whatever, whatever the thing is. But get it out in the open sooner than later is always the best thing.
And that's something I'm very sure I like. I really like talking to you afterwards about, you know. Yeah, me too. Were you okay with this? Were you okay?
You know, we don't do it often, but we've done separate room room play yes and i always like to check with you and just make sure you know because there you can't during the moment right check so i always like to when it's all over be like you know everything good you know you have a good time yeah you know it's always been pretty much the same person but sometimes it happens like at a party yeah where you'll go off to a room you know right or i'll go off to a room whatever right you know but we check in with each other afterwards yeah definitely yeah yeah definitely so here's a question that i have for you okay for me yes oh people say that when you're on the lifestyle it improves your communication Would you say that that's true with us overall i would say yes i would say it has definitely improved our communication there are things related to the lifestyle we're still working on and we've been doing this now two and a half years can you believe that two and a half years wow and we're still working on it can i make this light am i gonna make this i'm gonna make it all right but the next slide i can't do i gotta stop we're almost there we're going out for ice cream yay in fact actually we're pulling right up to the ice cream place right now uh let me finish answering your question and i'm going to pause the recorder okay so we can have ice cream okay um i would say yes definitely i feel overall our communication has improved where we're more open with each other.
We're more honest with each other. We still have time at times to work on the, you know, taking the criticisms, not so much to heart, but it's just something. And it's both of us, you know, where we need to, it's like, Hey, I'm telling you this for us, you know, that's something to work on. What about you? I think that overall our communication has been a lot better. I think that just having to communicate, because talking about these things in the lifestyle can at first especially be a little awkward.
You know, it could be a little hard to talk about just because i think there's so much taboo in in our society around sex just generally right so i think the fact that we've been able to be so open with each other about you know our you know our wants and and desires and experiences and feelings about the lifestyle that has definitely had a halo effect on the communication that we have about other things halo effect yeah i know right then that sounds smart is that one of your like business terms maybe okay yeah so i i think overall it has all right yeah so now i'm going to communicate with you ice cream yes ice cream all right let's take a break uh we're going to pause the recorder here when we come back um let's talk about the rest of silver and spicy oh all right sounds like fun yeah okay welcome back everybody from our little break where we had some ice cream i'm going to pull back the curtain just a little bit though this is actually our second recording of the second half and it's the very next day as we're making our shopping rounds for for groceries and such still didn't mean we didn't enjoy the ice cream what flavor flavor did you get yesterday?
I had Maine blueberry. It was delicious. Delicious. And I had banana cream pie. Mixed banana and vanilla with pie pieces. It was really good. Yeah. Love a good cream pie. You love a good cream pies you know it's funny we we talk You love a good cream pie. You know, it's funny. We talked about on the last episode our going to Silver and Spicy, and we never got to night two. So I thought maybe we'd take a few minutes to talk about that. We talked about all the events that were available on that Saturday, and we got to them all.
We went to the Spirits, as they called it, the Spirits Tasting, tried out, and I now know for certain I do not like peanut butter whiskey. It was an intriguing idea, but no thank you. No thank you.
Mind you, there were some other really nice, you know, hard liquors there, whiskeys and bourbons that that i did appreciate pickle vodka for the win pickle vodka for the win that's for sure we forgot to write the name down we should ask um the hosts if they could send us a list of the the brands and such so that we can take a look out for them yes yeah then we did uh swingo and had a lot of fun hung around with a bunch of people that we could take a look out for them. Yes. Yeah. Then we did Swingo. And, you know, had a lot of fun.
Hung around with a bunch of people that we already knew and played with them. Played bingo, basically. But that was good. We didn't win. Didn't come close to winning. And then we got to the speed dating.
And, you know, last time around, we met a lot of nice people didn't make any connections this time around we're switching around and we're meeting a lot of nice people again but we did have a connection um which we'll talk about a little later but yeah yeah didn't realize it at the time we'd made that that much of a connection right right but yeah really nice couple um d and j d and j and they were just yeah they were very cool so we enjoyed speaking with them and then after the after all that they had the karaoke and they they went and they joined us at the table for karaoke right that's right they were hanging out with us for that for the karaoke there and we got to talk with them more yep yep and that was fun we were really clicking yep and then um after that they had i think it was like dinner break right oh no no then there was like the big event which was the the prom where everybody dressed up in their prom outfits well the prom no the prom was first after oh that's right.
The comedy and the prom were first. I thought you were just skipping. Yeah, I forgot about that. Comedy and the prom were first. Right. And then we went up to karaoke because you wanted to sing. That's right. Yep. Right, right. And then after that. We went upstairs to the second floor for the party floor. The after party, basically. I mean, yeah. Yeah.
So we had a room on the party floor so we also hosted a room so we had um shots that we made um called them cum shots other people call them um cinnamon toast crunch so basically rum chata and um fireball they're really good yep and other folks had shots and snacks and you know just kind of walking around on was a floor there was a lot of there were meatballs there was sandwiches this particular event they they do a potluck so there's a huge table out where everybody kind of you know makes a contribution we always keep forgetting because we're like what are we going to have for dinner saturday night we're like we don't really need yeah we don't really need dinner because there's so much food there so you know so there's lots of food and drinking and just people kind of socializing and and that was a lot of fun and then at one point we went down the hall to the far end of the floor away from where we had our room to um this couple that you know we had met um another couple you know to their room they were like having the other like a nice like kind of vegetable and cheese platter in there and they you know they had a nice crowd they had a nice crowd in there we hung out there and we and d&j were there too right so we were all hanging out having a good time and at one point there were two couples two couples that went on one of the beds and started you know playing around with each other and you know things i don't really remember exactly how it even started honestly but you and i and d and j started fooling around on the other bed yes and um at one point the woman um jay said oh this is the no sex bed and i was like oh shit because yeah you know like the couple had the room they don't want people you know messing around on the bed they're gonna eventually sleep in right totally understandable and we're we're the same way we had our bed for fucking including a uh like a splash blanket for the splashers including you so we um so we took it back to our room right and we had a lot of fun with them they were great.
Um were you know uh d is a very good looking man and he has some really nice skills i have to just i will be a lady you'll be a lady i will be a lady i will not go into you know graphic detail but i will just say he has some skills for sure jay is gorgeous yeah great smile great curves Now, talk communication though i mean we we'd already established yes condoms were were definite but we didn't have all the conversations so we're kind of like you know looking at each other a moment and i said you know you kiss right and she kind of attacked me i mean like really just came at me and damn she's a good kisser yeah you like a good kisser i love a good kisser yeah you know so um so yeah we had we had fun there for a while and and then when we were done it was like okay because the next part of the party was the pool party party so we went down the four of us to the pool and hung out there for a while and you know it's funny because jay and i were you know i'm carrying her around and we're just we're being goofy and silly the two of us and then we look over and there's you know d sitting on the side of the pool and you're stuck at him you know and again this is at this point this isn't a communication thing it's like we've already played so it's cool yeah you know so of course jay's like looking at me like yeah so i go over and yeah we proceed to you know so that was fun that was a lot of fun i mean i it's funny you know we click with people we have good times but like really click where we're like wow you know we got i mean we've got a group chat with them going yeah they're very cool they live far from us um but we are hopefully going to try and figure out a way to you know you know try and get together you know we'll probably see each other at um an event that we're all planning to go to in october probably i hope so oh yeah no i mean yeah i mean i hope i hope so too but you know one i never assume anything i never assume anything um that's true so you know i hopefully we'll be able to hang out with them there and i'd love to you know see them you know again you know even outside of that so that's IPG's Halloween.
Yes, IPG's Halloween party.
Now, that was one thing in the in the previous recording you kind of surprised me because i thought you had said no to a party room and now you're open to possibly doing a party room for ipg you know what let's do it we have fun with it we do have fun we have fun with it we decorate the room we got pineapple lights we just gotta we gotta up our game i think with like the the snacks or something i don't know necessarily if it's food that lures people in i i think we just gotta you know be a bit more hey we're doing this or something that's true yeah that's true yeah maybe maybe we break out the cards yeah or the twister oh no is tough.
No, you said the Twister game is tough because the room isn't big enough for, especially this one, because we've got the extra large Twister game. Yeah, yeah. So more people can play. Right. You know, that's good for a house party, but not necessarily for a home. Unless, like, we, you know, took over the space outside the elevator. Yeah. That might work.
Well, we'd probably have to run that by the organizers, make sure's okay but yeah that could be that could be fun i don't think they'd have a problem that's probably not i don't i mean we could certainly run it by but i don't see it being a problem i mean the whole floor is taken up with people hanging out anyway yeah definitely you know i mean if anything it would just be people getting on and off the elevator might be annoyed while we're well there's there's that. But anyway, no, so we had a great time with them. And, you know, overall, I would say the event was a success.
I mean, like, we had a lot of fun, you know, had a lot of fun the Friday night, had a lot of fun the Saturday night, just really enjoyed ourselves. And I'm looking forward to the next one. So the next Silver and Spicy is in September. It's a back-to-school theme. We can't make that one. No. But we're going to keep our eye open for the one that they have after that. Hopefully we can make it. Right. As Jay said, we are going to do October. October. It's the same. It's the same group that runs it, but it's like the age is open.
So it's like all ages well it's all through ipg it's all yeah they do they do silver and spicy they do ipg they do uh fabric curvy and fabulous is the other one too right um which we haven't we haven't done that either but that's the thing i mean we feel confident now i mean we've always talked about going to an ipg event yeah we just never got around to it but we definitely feel a lot more confident now knowing that it's the thing. I mean, we feel confident now. I mean, we've always talked about going to an IPG event. Yeah. We just never got around to it.
But we definitely feel a lot more confident now knowing these guys. That it's the same people that run it. Same people running it. It's like, it's got to be good. Yeah, exactly. You know? So that's the weekend before Halloween. I think so, yeah. Yeah. I forget the exact date. Like the 26th, something like that. Right, right. Yeah. And we've got a couple of other things. We've got a private house party coming up next weekend. Yep, that'll be fun. That'll be fun. Thank you.
the exact date like the 26 something like that right right yeah and we've got a couple of other things we've got a private house party coming up next weekend yep that'll be fun that'll be fun and then finally we've got uh there's a possibility that our club in Connecticut is reopening yes yes Wicked Fun Club which had some legal issues that forced them to shut down has like started talking with a new location about 10-15 minutes away from the old one yeah it's not in the same Thank you very much.
shut down has like started talking with a new location about 10 15 minutes away from the old one yeah it's not in the same town though which is good and if everything works out we might be running events as early as august as well right depending on how things go if it works out they're looking to do like a welcome back reopening kind of thing july 19th so it would definitely be there for that yep absolutely really looking forward to that possibility twice the size from the sounds of it he's talking about two floors two floors a basement and all and he's talking about a dance floor which he wasn't you know the original place didn't have one because it wasn't big enough it wasn't big enough but it but it still worked oh yeah because great little social club.
Right. You know, and he had plenty of rooms to play in. Right. But I'm looking forward to seeing what this place looks like. Yep. I'm hoping that sometime next week also, you know, he's going to take me on a tour. Yes. Yeah. So we can also start planning out, if we're doing our parties, how they're going to look. Right. You know? Yep.
And then we're in New Orleans in they're going to look right you know and then we're in new orleans in the middle of august in the middle of august for our anniversary our wedding anniversary big 3-0 we made it what do i give my wife for a anniversary gift here have a dick i mean we're open if there's if there's folks in new orleans who are listening we're not we're not going there for that honestly we're not going there for that but we're not turning it down right i mean it's like you know things were to work out i mean we have one couple that has reached out to us that's offered to be like tour guides and stuff that's cool so you know i wouldn't mind checking out one of their um clubs there yeah that might be kind of interesting exactly yeah see what that's all about yeah yeah so you know we got we got some things going on for the summer not as much as we'd originally planned uh you know you know things also pop up so that's right that's right we know we know of one group of ours that's planning another party in july that we might go to july right it's august it's august so that but that's something but you know until they hammer out the details there we're not going to say anything more right right so before we you know wrap this thing up here uh let me just call up on my phone my uh notes um we did get some email we got some email uh hi guys saw your request on sls wanted to throw in my two cents about the hotel takeover this was our second time to attend the silver and spicy event we had hotel takeovers in the past but this one is our favorite we enjoyed everything from the friday night trivia right through to the main event it's great to have so many opportunities to meet new couples and have everybody around the same age group for us it was a huge success we enjoyed every minute of it catching up with some old friends and meeting some new ones it was our pleasure to be able to sit next to you guys at the main event in the ballroom s reached out and introduced herself as soon as i arrived at the table just just wish we had a little more time to talk before the show began.
Thanks for putting out the podcast. We're excited to listen to it later today. Keep up the wonderful work that you were doing. This is from Mishon, M-I-I-S-H-O-N on SLS. So thank you, Mishon. Yes, thank you so much, guys. And folks, you know, you can too write us at jnsexplorers at gmail.com with your thoughts on the podcast, topics that you want to hear. And just also so you know, you know, we're on SLS, we're on SDC.
And over on SLS, we even have, it's not the biggest one, but I think it's bigger than some of the others in some of the groups we've got a little community board going there where I've been posting topics I put up a thing for each podcast episode there'll be one for episode 3 so if you want to leave your comments there in that thread you could do that there as well and we'll be doing the same thing over at SDC so I think that's it for this time around on My Secret Seduction yep yep I think so I think so all right folks have yourselves a great time until next time this is Jay and this is us and we keep saying keep swinging See you again!
thank you for listening you sexy people if you have questions comments or topic suggestions you can email us at jnsexplorers at gmail. We'd love to hear from you. This has been a My Secret Seduction production.
