We visit Fun4Two, a local swingers club in the Netherlands. Fun4Two Swingers Club has been voted the best swingers club in the Netherlands and we thought it was time to check out clubs in our own back yard. Join us as we talk about our visit to Fun4Two Swingers Club, we share the details of what we thought, an annoying swinger couple ruining our night and our play session together. Fun4Two Swingers Club is located near Rotterdam in the Netherlands. Mentioned in this episode Fun4Two Netherlands https://www.fun4two.nl/ Other Links Cate’s new TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@wanderlustswingers Wanderlust Swingers Instagram Support us Wanna help us out and ? We would love you to consider supporting us on Patreon from only $1 a month & you’ll get access to exclusive content and live podcasts. Join us www.patreon.com/swingingdownunder Visit our website for videos, blogs, podcasts, newsletters and swinging lifestyle resources. https://www.swingingdownunder.com/ Love, Peace and Respect C&D We are a swinging lifestyle podcast, we talk about sex, being a hotwife and non-monogamy, please ensure you are of legal age to be listening to our sexy stories. If you’re interested in learning more about the swinging and hotwifing lifestyle join us on our sexy swinger hotwife podcast. We share information our personal experiences and journey, swinger event, swinging dating sites, reviews for swingers resorts and more.
Transcript
You're listening to the Wanderlust Swingers Podcast with Aussie hosts, Kate and Daryl. If you're curious about exploring your sexuality or the swinging, hot-wifing, and non-monogamous lifestyle, you've definitely come to the right podcast. Or maybe you just love travel adventures. Either way, we share our personal, sometimes juicy, sexy stories, as well as Swingers Club and event reviews, interviews with other sassy sassy people and of course our global swinging adventures.
We try to bring you a look into the diverse lifestyle that the swinging and non-monogamous community has. We hope you enjoy, now let's get into the episode. G'day guys and welcome back to Wanderlust Swingers, episode 150. We're doing a review of the Fun for Two, which is a swingers club here in the Netherlands. Welcome back to the podcast, Daryl. I went to the personal trainer. You went to the personal trainer, how was it?
It was good, but you know, like personal trainers do, he challenged me, so. Yeah, but when was the last time you actually did? It's been a little while. So we're going to be talking about the Fun for Two swingers Club here in the Netherlands. We had a chance to go there recently, and we're going to talk about that, but before we... But beforest. But beforest. But before we get into that, I have some cultural tidbits about Rotterdam. Oh. Yeah.
So, the club is actually located in Rotterdam, and I have two cultural tidbits about Rotterdam for you. Are you excited? I am. I just can't wait. Your cultural tidbits are the only reason I keep coming back to this podcast. Most of the inhabitants of Rotterdam are 25 to 45 years old. 40% of the population, in fact. Well, that's not most. It's a large minority, but not most. Yeah. It's a lot, though. That's high.
It's the highest population in that age bracket in the whole of the netherlands well yeah i mean that's the that was the top number one cultural tidbit because if that's the case number two i'm not looking forward i thought that was relevant because of the fact that i thought it was a younger hip more attractive kind of crowd. That's just because I was there. In Rotterdam. When I turned up, the whole place got more attractive. Yeah, cool. By 3%.
My second cultural tidbit, let me see if you know what this is. There is a statue that the locals have nicknamed the Gnome Butt Plug.
Have you ever seen a meme of the Gnome and its little butt plug statue next to it circling the internet around christmas time no you've never seen that meme no well this i don't frequent facebook this whole thing just is shit now isn't it yeah i mean like i said your first one was pretty crap this is number two fuck it all i'm glad we're not doing number three listen if you guys are out there listening and you know what I'm talking about, the gnome butt plug.
So, there was a statue that was erected by a and designed by a Paul McCarthy. Erected. Yeah, erected. And it is unfortunate because the Christmas tree next to the gnome actually looks like a giant butt plug. A giant butt plug? Let's just take a second. Hang on.
Step it back yeah it's a gnome butt plug no does everybody hear that typing next does everybody hear that typing this is my life i mean kate is a very passionate typer she types so hard she's worn the letters off the keys off two keyboards in under a year and one of them was a laptop keyboard i mean this is some Some fairly robust typing. Here it is, babe. Ready? Got it. Looks like a butt plug. Yeah, but, I mean, it's not a small butt plug, is it? It's a giant butt plug. It's a huge butt plug.
Yeah, but, I mean, when you say gnome butt plug. It's supposed to be a Christmas tree. When you say gnome butt plug. I said a gnome standing next to a butt plug. Yeah, but, okay, so it's scale. Gnomes are normally, you know, that's a fucking huge gnome. It's a fucking huge butt plug. Well, the butt plug's bigger than the gnome. Anyway, guys. Anyway, why the fuck is a gnome carrying a Christmas tree butt plug around? Well, ask the dude. Who was it? Paul who? Paul McCarthy. Not Paul McCartney. No.
No, because he's a different dude. Different one. Yeah. He's more known for musical butt plugs. Less gnomey butt plugs. Less gnomey butt plugs. Yeah. Yeah. Bucket of a Lubo. Yeah. Well, you know, patience and lubricant. You can stretch a mosquito's arse all over a bucket. Hey, do you want to tell everybody about the single guy date we went on? Do I want to? Yes. I think this guy is actually, needs to send references to other people on how to actually do single guy dating.
And what would you say, if you were to give like one piece of advice like what would you say was his thing that he did that was like the gold star piece of advice you want to give to other single guys out there um he asked what he asked about us and then he volunteered information about himself in terms of what he was into now let me be specific here he wasn't talking about you know he's into a finger in his arsehole whilst he's shagging he was talking about what he actually enjoys in life he enjoys people that he can converse with he enjoys having jokes he enjoys cocktails he just spoke like a regular person and also kept it sexy you know it wasn't that he was just talking about let's's just let this happen.
Hey, Penny, you see that massively beautiful, fluffy bed that's expensive that's sitting like a metre away? But she's found a pillow that has corduroy pattern on it, so she's really enjoying a scratch at that. Yeah, Mum, nah, this $5 pillow is better, hey, Mum, yeah. Thanks for buying me that expensive-ass bed, Mum, but this fucking pillow that's jammed up against the radiator is the best one, yeah, yeah, thanks, Mum. Thank you. This $5 pillow is better, hey, Mum, yeah.
Thanks for buying me that expensive ass bed, Mum, but this fucking pillow that's jammed up against the radiator is the best one. Yeah, yeah, thanks, Mum. So I think he was just, for starters, he was very polite. He was very obvious about what he wanted. He was very keen to know more about you, about your interests. He was keen to know more about what I was interested in.
And, all in all he just acted like a human so not like a raging fucking gnome butt plug that's just trying to fuck anything you can get his hands on true enough so that's your that's your piece of advice like just don't be a cunt yeah yeah he also did explain a little bit about when he was talking about things that he likes, he did go into some detail about the women in terms of like how they dress, how they appear. Yeah. I mean, but there was nothing inherently sexual about what he said.
It was sexy. Yeah, it was sexy. Yeah, he said like, I like. Yeah, explain what he said. He said, I like ladies in dresses with enough underwear underneath so I can sort of see the lines and imagine what's happening. I don't have a problem with that. I mean, yeah, I think everyone's entitled to their preference. And if you're a heavy makeup wearer and that's not for you, then you just say no, right?
And'm fucking heavy makeup wearer yeah suck a dick and he'd be like okay well how about i suck a known butt plug and we'll call it a day probably we're probably not going to get on so you know yeah have sex somewhere else hey it is june sorry it is july it is july guys and fucking elbow yeah no only for a few days now and some rather unfortunate news came out of the United States, and I just want to just give some airtime to this real quick, and it was Roe v. Wade.
So if you've been following this being overturned in the U.S., it goes without saying that it is a horrible situation and we are thinking about every uterus owner that's in the United States, and hopefully something more positive comes out of this um and it can get overturned overturned so yeah now we are heading to london in september we're going to london to the boudoir club because we are hosting a meet mingle and event with the i've been there before you've been there i've done it jolly old london i've got t-shirt even.
No, you don't. Yeah, I went there and got the t-shirt. Okay. So if you guys are interested in joining us, it is in September. You can head to our website, wandalaswingers.com, look at the event, and we are hosting a fun weekend with the Bedhoppers podcast. We'd love to see you guys. It's a weekend? Yeah. Otherwise a night. Well, it's an official night, but we're all going to be there for the weekend. So if you're joining us.
What about if I don't want to hang out with cunts for the whole weekend? Well, then you can sit in the room and masturbate and I'll go hang out with cunts for the weekend. All right. We've got to sell us a deal. I know. You're like fucking sounds like a party to me. Man, the amount of jerking off I can get done and like there's no, when you're in a hotel room, there's no need for cleanup. You're just like, you're just like like a man sprinkler.
You just wipe it on the chairs, the couches, the walls. Curtains. Yeah. Carpet. Yeah. Nice. Well, I mean, you don't wipe it on there. That's what you use to masturbate, isn't it? Just fucking rubbing yourself on the walls. Just put lube everywhere. You shine a black light inside any hotel room and that's basically what you see anyway. It's just spunt everywhere. It's spuntastic. Well, here's what I'm thinking. You know those like cheap-ass sprinklers, the green ones that you had as a kid?
They roll up and you put the hose through. Yeah, sprinkler hose. Real cheap ones. Sprinkler hose. Right, okay. One of those nailed to the ceiling a little bit on the walls and filled with lube. And then you can just, because you're going to rub yourself up against the wall. You don't want too much lube. You can just have it trickling down. There's such a thing as too much lube. And then you've just got like lubrication on the wall for you to rub yourself and jerk off. Too much lube.
That's too much? You need a bit of friction. Okay. I'm not opposed to the occasional tooth in a head job, you know. Yeah, but you don't want a little bit of friction, a little bit of. Hey, it's over 10 minutes in. Do you want to talk about the club? I mean, if we have to. Okay, let's do it. I was still jerking off in the room. So what we're saying is if you want to come and spend some time with Mr. and Mrs. H and me in London whilst Daryl... Or if you want to come inside my room.
Whilst you know Daryl's in the bedroom jerking off all over the furniture? Hey, let's talk about the Swingers Club. So this is called the Fun 4-2 Swingers Club. And if you look up Swingers Club in the Netherlands, there are a few that come up, and this is one of the most popular ones. In the Netherlands? In the Netherlands, yeah. In the show notes, I will put all the links to the club, etc., if you guys want to go check it out.
But you do have to register online first if you're going on a weekend. So unlike some clubs where it's just open to arrive, you do actually have to register online before you go. It is couples only on the weekends except for – No, Fridays. Fridays are – Do we include Friday nights as weekends? I mean, that's the real question. I don't think we've got enough time to answer that on the podcast today. Yeah, good question. Good point. Okay, let's just say Saturday nights are couples only.
Yeah, okay. And Sundays. Hmm. I actually don't know. So they do do a Sunday pool event in summer, but I don't know whether they're couples only on those Sundays. So basically what you're saying is you know fuck all about this club with the exception of the fact that on a Saturday night it's couples only. Yeah. Okay. We're all on the same page now. Tuesdays? Yep. Definitely closed. So what I will say – actually, I don't know about that, man. Maybe. Who knows? Why did you call me man?
What I will say is that it opens at 9 and there is inclusive, like pricing is all inclusive, right? So it's all food and alcohol and everything else. What time did we get there? About 9.30? And how long do you think we waited in line for? Jesus, Kate, I'm 47. I can't remember this shit. You can't remember how long we waited there? We didn't wait in line for long. It was maybe 10 or 15 minutes. Oh, dude, it was 20 at least. Come on. Why don't you fucking ask me then? Come on.
What did you ask me if you're like, oh, I know the time. Because you're seriously low-balling it, man. I think it might have felt longer for somebody who was dressed inappropriately for the weather. Right? Who was that idiot? Oh, I don't know. Who was that idiot?
Who thought, I'll just leave my jacket in the car when it's fucking 15 degrees outside you know oh you'll be fine we'll just walk straight in we'll just waltz in don't they know who we are yeah didn't work like that did it no no you spent 15 minutes waiting in the cold hence it felt like 20 to 25 for you yeah so if you want to avoid waiting in line i would suggest that you actually get there at nine when it opens it wasn't that bad a fucking line jeez i complain much We'll be right back.
So, if you want to avoid waiting in line, I would suggest that you actually get there at nine when it opens. It wasn't that bad a fucking line. Jeez. I... Complain much? Yeah. They kept the line moving. It was fairly steady in the way it went. It was a good, sturdy British queue. If you've been there before, you get a membership card. So, the second time you go back, you don't have to wait. You get a second line. You got a... They got a membership line. You got a fucking quick line. Yeah.
That's what I was on about. Absolutely. VIP line. Now, you know, obviously talking in Dutch and I was like, why is this line moving quicker? What's going on? Somebody, what's going, somebody, excuse me, anyone, anyone, hello. What's happening with that line? You didn't actually say that to anyone though. That all happened inside your own head. Yeah. Oh, you asked me a couple of times. Why is that line moving faster? I did look at the guy next to me. And I'm like, I don't know.
We've been here 25 minutes. And I shrugged. And I was like, oi, shrug. Oh, shrug. The international symbol for why is that line moving so much faster? Exactly. Why is that line? So the pricing is all inclusive. It is 150 euro though. How do you feel about that?
Like when you think about the prices around clubs around the world that we've been to i think it's actually quite cheap you think it's cheap well we'll think about it this way right if you go so the clubs in the u.s are generally much lower price to get in i think call it's about 90 so let's go by the 90 versus 150 so euro and u.s at the moment are basically the same yeah there's fuck all difference yeah thank you i don't know world shit fight economy so they're basically the same at the moment so that you're paying that much money then the cost of drinks in the u.s absolutely would tip you over the top of that well but most clubs in the u.s are byo are they mm-hmm but colette isn't 100% byo in all four locations of colette.
Oh, really? Fuck. Well, there you go. What you're thinking about is the fact that on New Year's we spent $100 just on soft drink. Yeah, so quick, quick update, right? When I say drink, I'm an all-inclusive drink. I mean, I'm not talking about just drinking vodka straight from a fucking plastic bottle that you've just gotten from Walmart, you know, like a six-fucking-liter plastic bottlere plastic bottle that doesn't even have a proper handle on it.
So you try and neck it and then you get so drunk that your hand doesn't grip properly anymore and then it falls out of your hand and you end up walking around with a half a bottle jammed down your throat looking for the Heimlich to get rid of this massive bottle of vodka. Right. So carry on. You were saying by the time you spend money on drinks. Yeah, so, I mean, I was talking about the entirety of a drink, you know, including the fucking ice. I was going to say, do you want ice? A mixer.
Not just the... You can have fucking one cube for a dollar, that's all you're allowed. Yeah, so once you add all that in, even, I mean, even some of the cheaper clubs, you get very close to that. And they were well-staffed and the cocktails were good and they had decent cocktails as well. Not a broad spread, but they did have some cocktails and they also did mixes and all the standard shit. We drank mixes all night because you didn't go to the bar, not even once.
And you kept sending me and I didn't know what to say in fucking dutch because my dutch is fucking terrible because dutch is so close to german that i know enough german to fuck the dutch up yeah so i got told today that they're they're frenemies language wise oh because you can't trust if you know that if you know the german words it means nothing in dutch but they're so close to sounding the same. Frenemies. Stupid languages. And it does have food there as well.
I mean, we didn't partake in the food. You didn't. You didn't either. Yeah, I did. You did not. Smashed a kebab up the back. You're a fucking liar, mate. You did not. Fuck, I could go a kebab. Yeah, no. So if you were going to go there at nine and take advantage of like the food and get the drinks and stuff like that. It's a proper restaurant. Yeah, it's a proper restaurant. Yeah, like a proper, not a buffet. There was a buffet section. Was there? Mm-hmm. Oh.
So as you kind of walk in and you do the registration thing, this club has a lot of ups and downs. Man, it's got some really cool little nickety-nackety places, right? And it fucking does. And we're going to talk about the playrooms pretty soon. Are we? In this episode? Or is this a, because I want to do it to be continued, nothing fucking pisses people off more than a to be to continue. So they give you a locker key, and I have to say, this locker key was off the fucking charts.
This was, single-handedly, the best locker area I've seen at any clubs in the world. Hands down, period, full stop, exclamation mark. Cool. The locker area was fucking so chic. It wasn't about the chicness. It was about the fact that they had about 300 lockers to begin with. Not about. They had 330 lockers, in fact. They had 330 lockers. Well, that's how many keys they had. So, I'm guessing through my powers of deduction. They had 229 lockers. Let's go spare key to fuck with somebody.
They just give it to the person who's being the biggest arse hat in the line. The one who keeps fucking asking, why is that line moving faster than this line using their international shrug symbol? Yeah. So what I liked about it is the fact that the keys were all colour-coded, numbered obviously, but colour-coded, and so were the rooms. So all the lockers were painted like red, but the room was painted red. Well, it wasn't just the room. I mean, all the fixtures in the room were red as well.
It really was fucking red. And so it was like, oh, you had a blue one, you go to the blue section. Oh, no, it's crazy. It's almost like they did it for fucking infants. Fucking genius is what it was. Says the infinite in the room. I was like, this is brilliant. Thank you very much. Well, clubs don't, Jen. I mean, you've got to, sometimes you're a first investor. Sometimes I'm so wasted, says Kate, that I'm unable to find the fucking, the right place for my locker key.
And I spent all night walking around with one locker key, poking it into 329 lockers. Here's the thing. Here's the thing. Most of the clubs have been to have very few lockers. They definitely don't match the volume of people in the club. So you've really got to get there early to get a locker if you want one. Secondly, a lot of the clubs don't have locks on the locker. So you have to bring your own or buy one at the front.
Get out or hire at the front there is you know like the london club they take a key deposit you give the key back you get the deposit back i have no problems with that but the fact that there were so many lockers there that you knew everyone could get one dude can we get past the fucking lockers already i mean okay fine fine you're so impressed by the lockers do you want to talk to talk about the thatched roof outside before we got in and how blown away you were that it's actually made of straw?
Like, what? People make fucking roofs out of straw? What is this fucking magic? The grounds are actually pretty cool. I hope to do a YouTube walkthrough there. But anyway, okay, we will move on. Thank fuck, says everybody.
In that YouTube video, I'll try to get some of the footage of the lockers hey you haven't done the youtube video yet stop fucking promising something it's like you might say hey mr club can we do a youtube video of your club and they go no fuck off and you'll be like oh no how am i going to get the 329 lockers and one spare key on the video break in you. You'll just have to situate. I'll break in on a Tuesday. Just cram a video in between your tits and just wander around with a camera.
I'm going to let you take the entire next segment because I want you to talk about the pushy dude. I can't get past the lockers. I mean, I just need to talk another half hour about those. I want you to talk about the pushy dude and the unsuspecting Belgium lady, please. The pushy dude?
Yeah, I got the really pushy dude and unsuspecting belgium lady that's in my notes cool so the pushy dude we were sitting in we're actually when we first arrived kate needed to warm up what was wrong with me i wasn't feeling well or something you weren't feeling well i wasn't feeling well yeah so it wasn't it wasn't geared up to be a huge night to start with, but I wasn't feeling well.
So we sort of sat down, we thought we'll have a couple of drinks and chipper ourselves up a little bit, or me especially, and then from there we'll see what the night turns into. So we picked a part of the – just off the dance floor, I suppose, where you have an opening that you can see through to the dance floor, so you can see what's going on.
You can see everybody in the club, basically, but it's a little bit kind of pushed away in an area that people would have to come hunting you to find you, basically. When we were sitting there, looking through this hole, this dude wandered over and just started talking to us through the hole, but he was really aggressive in his sexuality, like in what he wanted, you know. He's like really pushy around, you know, what are you guys into, you know. Well, I think he's opening line to us.
And, I mean, he's not wrong. You know, we were sitting off to the side on our own, but his opening line was something akin to like what the fuck is wrong with you? You fucking twats. Yeah. Could have been our first time at a club for all he knew. We were really shy, you know? Yeah. So, he didn't kick it off terribly well, honestly. But even his body language was really aggressive. Like, he was constantly reaching out.
Actually, when he first arrived, he reached out to touch you, basically straight away. Which was like a meter away. Yeah.
Like, it away like it was a long yeah it was a big reach so it was like here's my arm on my way to you and kate just politely leaned backwards away from it but he was really aggressive and it didn't stop all night in fact it was one of the downers of the evening i think and it was one of the things that kept pushing me backward from having a good time because you just sort of start getting to enjoy what's happening and then he'd come back in again.
But he was there with his partner who was – who actually – so when he was talking to us through the hole, we were polite and just responding to his questions and stuff. and she was standing around the corner hidden from us. And she kind of came around and almost tapped him on the shoulder and said, let's fuck off, basically. And then he left with her. But that happened a few times throughout the night. And the final time she spat it and just fucking left, like just left and left him there alone.
And it very much appeared like he was just the one who was shoving this whole lifestyle down her throat and she wasn't particularly interested in being involved. She was lovely. I mean, I spoke to her for a little while and she was really quite nice in terms of, you know, she was just a normal human. Yeah, she was nice, but neither of them were attractive to me. I would not have ever. Not at all. No, no, they weren't sexually attractive either.
but she was a nice she was nice but neither of them were attractive to me i i would not have ever not at all no no they weren't sexually attractive either but she was a nice she was a nice human he was just he was just weird weirdly aggressive body language and everything you something you have forgotten is the fact that two guys walked in to let's say two two guys who were struggling a little bit in terms of the ratio between them and the ladies they were with. I'm so fucking gullible.
I don't know what's up. It was like a one and a half versus a 12 in terms of, you know, on the hotness ratio. And Kate's like, wow, look at those guys have done so well for themselves. I'm like, babe, they're obviously sex workers. And she's like, no. I said, look at everyone around this whole fucking club right now. Everyone, just about everyone in the club was looking at them going, point, eye movements, point, point. It was so obvious. Yeah.
I mean, these two ladies were so well put together and the two gentlemen were so well not put together it was it was just crazy obvious no it was yeah that was no good that was no good speaking about it was no good because it was it was weird because then they just sat there just the two men just sat there talking to each other and i'm like that was weird what's the point of spending money on a sex worker to bring him to a swingers club to then just sit there and talk to your mate?
Maybe they just were really fucking into the... Atmosphere? No, no, the lockers. Free drinks? Yeah, I come for the sex workers, I stay for the lockers. Exactly. So this happened with these two people happened a number of times throughout the evening. But at 10, 30, 11, there is a mandatory dress down that happens at this club. For all. For everybody. Male and female. Male and female. So every single person in that club. Which is the first time I've had to do that.
I actually don't like dress downs generally. Okay, so tell me about what you think about it.
i think i've come out said this previously dress downs forced dress downs to me are a little bit they just feel a little fake right forcing and it's generally ladies that get forced to dress down um i find it a little you know it's forced so it feels a little forced and this is the first time i've had to do it as well and it felt even more forced when i have to do it you know it's just not it just seems weird you kind of begrudgingly take yourself off to the awesome locker room oh man it was actually another chance to get back to the locker room now that you think about it actually no it's worth it for the dress down's worth it just to get back to the lockers.
So did you, how did you feel about it? I thought I just told you. Yeah. It feels forced and fake. I don't, I don't like it. I don't like the dress down. Okay. So the other thing was, is that the dress down is supposed to go along with a song that they put on, right? We didn't know what the fucking song was. That's a bit of a giveaway. It's a, it's a Dutch song as well. So even if we knew the name of the song, we wouldn't know the fucking name.
No, all of a sudden there was just more and more people in lingerie and I was like, wait a minute. And then I shrugged at somebody. And they said, yeah, you got dressed down. Yeah. Go dressed down. But that was actually an excuse that gave us – I don't know whether you remember, it gave us an excuse to run away from that couple again. It did. It did. So let's move on. Let's start talking about the playroom and stuff.
I mean, I just wanted to play in the locker rooms all night, just pushing that key in and out of, you know, locker 229. Trying the red key in the purple area, like trying to be a bit taboo with it. Lubing it up, seeing if it maybe feels right. Exactly. Yeah. That was my night. Once the bat for the other side. Yep. And I'm just, and here I am just jerking off in one of the little rooms. No, so we got changed into our lingerie, but rather than going directly back downstairs. Fucking mangerie.
I mean, what? Rather than going back downstairs, we decided to take a tour of the playrooms before they got too busy, right? Yeah. Can you explain to people what – No, I can't because there's so many fucking rooms, it's too hard to explain. Yeah, so like what generally – Let me start at the basement, right, because you can go downstairs or you can go upstairs twice inside this club. And it's all built inside a very old, I'm going to say, 16th century castle. Castle's not the right word.
Maybe very rich house. I don't fucking know what you'd call it. But, yeah, it was – so down into the basement, there's all these little – so it's all really rabbit warrany. Like a lot of it's – there's not very many open spaces. There's one, really. But we missed a whole part of the club. I don't know whether you even realise that. You don't realise that. The little town-looking thing. Yeah, there's a whole fucking French town in there. Yeah, I don't know.
We've got to go back and figure that out. Yeah, there's a French, like a literal little street village inside the club. There's no pool, there's no jacuzzi or spa or anything down there. No hot tub. Well, everything's on the second level, so there is no down. Everything's on the second level, so you've got to go upstairs near the locker area through the timber doors and into this. Yeah, but then you go downstairs when you get in there. There's a downstairs from there.
No, there's an upstairs, which is the ladder, and then out there's a thing, and yeah, Then you overlook the top of the dance floor. French little village thing. So it is a rabbit warren of playrooms. Yeah, but they're all really cool, though. Like they've got, they're all, you know, some of them are peephole places, there's others that are like.
There's a lot, yeah, so there's, like you said, there was one main open area, I guess, with some beds around it, but there were, all of the other rooms had a lot of peepholes. So there was nothing that was like – Then there was an orgy room that was like built into the loft. So there's this maze-like area. It's – all the walls are black. The ceiling's black. Penny's getting comfortable on a quarter row pillow again. And it's quite, I guess, dark, but it's quite narrow.
The different areas around the playroom are actually quite narrow. So it is interesting. So there's this maze-like playroom. Yeah, you have to bump into people. You go out of the playroom and there's a balcony overlooking the dance floor so you can fuck over the dance floor. There's balcony. And there were people doing that, actually. So what I did find a little bit weird about this particular playroom was that there was random rolls of paper towel just lying around the place.
I didn't have a problem with that. You didn't have a problem with that. They did have a towel tower, though, so that was nice. Somehow you think, you know, having any sort of toilet-style paper or paper in general around the room is somehow weird. I mean, I think it's great. Clean-up.. Job done. Cool. Biff, baff, boff, out the door. So they did have a towel tower as well, which I thought was quite good. Hey, you can tell people about the orgy room now. We didn't orgy though.
We did an orgy in the orgy room because it was empty. I didn't realize it was an orgy room. Except for the fact that it said orgymatic carved into the room. I saw that later. Yeah. You should probably take notice of those sorts of things before you wander into a room. So there's this set of spiral stairs that kind of go up to the locker area and playroom area. And then as you kind of come out this playroom area, there is a ladder. And it's a literal ladder. Oh, it's not. It's stairs.
It's not a stair. It is stairs. Okay, fine. In a very steep. Ladder-like appearance. Yes, they're stairs. A ladder has a very different idea behind it, right? Okay. There's no back to a ladder. Okay, hold on. Let me try to then make it so people can understand what I'm talking about. Would you say it's the equivalent of one of those attic things in the movies where the horror people are up in the attic bit and the person has to pull down the trapdory thing and the ladder comes out?
No, because... It was pretty similar to that, like the same size as that. It's the same steepness. And same size of the little stair-y bits. Yes, but it's... Yes, it is very similar to that, but it's not a ladder. Okay. It's built-in. It's a very steep staircase.
Okay staircase okay fine that is similar shaped to a ladder similar elevation to a ladder yes anyway so i was like okay i'm wearing heels but fine let's give this a crack you took your fucking heels off i took them off on the way down because i was like that shit's death how is it any different it just it just is it i mean you're talking about what you are referring to as a ladder. You have to go down a ladder backwards. Which we did. Yeah, but how's it? Going up a ladder with heels on.
I mean, correct me, people out there listening, if you've been up and down a ladder with heels on, I don't know. Listen, all the times I've been up and down a ladder with heels on, I've been fucking fine. Anyway, so I'm like, let's go see. Well, I want to check out this whole club, so let's go see what's up there. And so we make our way up. Do you want to talk about how you complain profusely about having to wear heels all night?
Because hashtag COVID has fucking stopped every woman in the world from ever wanting to wear heels again. Which I don't really have a problem with, except I like it. I don't think I actually complained that night. I complained incessantly at PCAP because I was like, nah. Yeah, nah. Okay. So it's actually just become part of your standard repertoire and you don't even recognize it as complaining anymore. Okay, I don't maybe. Yeah.
So we go up there and it's, this is obviously, this is in the attic bit. It's at the top of the club. So it's a regular staircase. It's just Kate needed a reason to take her fucking heels off. It's not a regular staircase. I'm kidding. This is a joke. This is a joke. No. That's called a joke. Joke gone sideways. So we get up there crawling through the attic bit, crawling like army crawling through the ladder bit because you can't stand up. You're not army crawling. You can't stand up. Jesus.
No, it's not. You're just regular crawling. You're regular crawling. Regular crawling. But you can't stand up in there. And I was like, man, what is this area? I did turn around and I'm like, hey, do you want to play up in this random area? And you were like, babe, this is the orgy room. And there's only one small way in and out of this joint. Yeah. So if we got orgified, we'd be fucked. I mean, literally and figuratively.
So if people come up there like the creepy dude and the unsuspecting Belgium lady, then there'd be no escape. Yeah, there would be. I'd fucking rabbit chew my way through the grassy roof. Anyway, so we go back down and there's a little area off the rabbit warren area that's a room. Hey, you've got me imagining his dick. Thank you for that.
With a chair that looked quite fun to play in and I was like, ooh love a fucking piece of furniture that wasn't a chair dude you are so bad with your naming convention today it was like a fucking chair it wasn't a chair it was like a fucking it looked like a piece of gym equipment it was definitely it was sexually focused but it was like a sexually focused gym equipment you get a workout whilst getting fucked it was in this little room on its own and it had a Hitachi just swinging from the roof.
Do you remember that? Held up in the, there was a little area that it sat in. Yeah. Yeah, like a little caged area. Yeah. But yes, it was swinging from the roof, yes. Yeah, yeah. We were going to play in that room and then we turned around to just like triple check the other rooms out to see if we've made our room decision appropriately. I mean you did because I wasn't involved in this at all because I did not give a fuck.
And then I turned around and there was some having sex in the area that I wanted to have sex in. Bastards. I know, the bastards. Anyway, so we end up finding an area to play with. We play together. I'm sucking... Actually, do you remember any of that play? Yeah, you were sucking my cock. Okay, well, carry on then because I was facing the wall, so maybe – Good blowjob whilst watching people walk past. Actually, a lot of people stopped and watched.
I was going to say, do you want to explain that to people who maybe haven't been to a club before? Inspired by my penis. I don't know. No, so you were – I mean, you're dressed in lingerie at this point, which means that the way you were facing, actually, your, basically, your whole arse and probably quite a significant portion of your pussy was facing toward the door.
So, I'm fairly sure that people were stopping for that, not to witness me rolling my eyes back into my head going, you know, it's not what people are looking for. But anyway, good, very good blowjob was happening. And then, as, yeah, people kept walking past. One of the concerns, one of the things that actually made this play less fun for me is that I was concerned that that couple would walk past. Yeah. And then come in.
That actually, so I kept, unfortunately, I kept not thinking about what was actually happening and kept looking to make sure that these fuckers weren't coming in.
Which is not a cool thing like it's really it really takes away from the whole sexiness yeah yeah so there was that and then um so yeah we were we were you were giving me head job and then actually we turned around it turned you into the dog into the dog position and you were facing still against the wall and we started fucking yeah which was uh which was rather nice so the interesting thing about the area that we were having sex in was that there's small peepholes like smaller peepholes and then there's a big doorway but we were we were elevated too we actually had a climb climb up three stairs to get into this little kind of cubby hole area and so i had this little archway to get into there and so we're playing so after i'm sucking daryl's cock and he's watching everybody and it's all fine and dandy and then we're fucking we stop and as you said there was like people coming and going people stopping and looking i don't know did you come i don't think you did yeah you did okay but there was a dude that actually a couple i don't know whether i cared oh no i did yeah i did i was sorry i checking.
My internal monologue. There was a couple that actually came into this little cubby area and played in the area. Two couples. Yeah, but the first couple is what I want to focus on. Yeah, yeah. Do you – so there was two stairs up to get into this little area and then the beds and a little archway door area.
And the first couple that came in, like we went in and we went off to the side because the only way in and out of this place yeah so you're about to complain about the fact that the second couple came in and laid basically in front of the door they did his feet were dangling off the like off the little ledge because he was a tall dutchman dude when you've got to get shit done it happens where you lie yeah but i was trying to crawl out of there with my pussy and stuff with your pussy you were going to take it with up and this guy's feet are there.
And I'm like, dude, my pussy's going on your feet before I get out of here. Just drop it on the feet. Just up your shin. Just like Snail Trally's shin. So how do you feel about it? Did you look at that whole situation and be like? I didn't give a shit, actually. It drove me mental. I was like, what are you doing? Yeah. Swingers club etiquette. Fuck, there is no way I'm going to make it back to the lockers with this dude in the way. That's what I was thinking.
How can I make the shortest distance between where I am right now and the lockers? All in all, it was a pretty weird play session for me because there was, yeah, I mean it was weird because I was constantly looking for that dude. Then that couple came in and I didn't really find them interesting either, nor the second couple that came in. And, yeah, it was kind of weird just looking out the door, fucking you. No, sorry, looking into the wall, fucking you. It was kind of weird. Okay.
It didn't really. Let's talk about lessons learned. Would you have rather than if we positioned ourselves in more of the group open area rather than that little cubby house? No, I had no problem with the cubby house. It's just, I mean, there was a few things lined up there that made it awkward. Yeah. Okay.
The people, the first guy, the annoying guy, and then just the other couples were not really my fit and I wasn't really feeling it because my head was trying to figure out whether this creepy dude was going to start fucking running into the room. So on the way out of there, I tagged Daryl with the doors because they were like those Western style. Fucking hell. What are they called? What are those doors called? Fuck. Saloon. Saloon doors. Saloon doors. Fucking hell did you tag me with it?
I had a bruise on my arm and a fucking end in my arm for like a week and a half afterwards. Fuck, that hurt. Yeah. Yeah. Sorry about that. Yeah. What would you say about the type of people that attended, like rough age, like rough physique? I think it's a reasonable spread. This is where it gets interesting, I think, in Europe. The spread seems to be a lot wider than what we've seen in the US. Okay.
Elaborate on on that please i mean so yeah i think it seems to start in late 20s early 30s is really where people people are starting to come along to these events and it stretches through right a long way into 60s even 70s but the but not but but people also take I mean, the Dutch are very tall and thin generally, very fucking tall. Yeah. I mean, yeah, I'm six, six, one and a half or 183, 186, 183, somewhere between three and six centimetres. And I'm average fucking height here.
You know, there are some really tall motherfers yeah and the women are very tall as well yeah so they're very tall generally very fit and that's because they ride fucking bikes everywhere yeah um so they're you know that they eat a fuck ton of cheese but they stay pretty fit because they ride to work so you're saying that there is no average age because of the fact that really. I think it's a pretty broad spread. I think there... Of course, there's an average.
But I think the average is probably five to seven years younger than what we saw, what we've seen in the US. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Outside of that, yeah, the people are probably generally thinner and taller. And that's just, I think, part of the local nature of the genetics that are here. Fucking tall. Think about the width of the playrooms and the general area. There's going to be a lot of feet poking off beds.
The width of the playroom, walking areas and the various playroom kind of nooks and crannies. It is definitely not a disability happy place.
There's no way in fuck anyone that is in any way no it's quite an ableist yeah place that one yeah it is not even remotely um so if if you are in that situation then this would not be a club for you no you can't even you wouldn't even make it out of the ground floor actually you can't you can't because there's stairs to get in so it's yeah it's a little less inclusive in that regard for sure and would you say that if you were a larger individual would you say that you could comfortably maneuver your way around the playrooms i think you'd i think you'd have more i think you'd have trouble i mean the halls are generally probably two, two and a half feet wide.
So what's that? No idea. That's 700, 600, 600 millimeters wide. So it's not, it's not wide. It's, it's, they're quite narrow. Yeah. They're quite narrow. Yeah. So, so they've, it's definitely, it's a club that's built for the Dutch. I mean, it really is. It is. You know, generally very thin, very thin, very tall. Yeah.
Man, they'd be fine man they'd be maneuverability in terms of like stairs and stuff like that you know they can obviously this is the other thing right because it's quite common yeah the stairs here all the stairs here just about all of them except public stairs or anything in a house they're just cliffs they're not fucking staircases i mean you don't get a full foot on any stair in any house in the Netherlands. The bed hoppers are coming to visit us in like three weeks' time.
It's going to be hilarious. Actually, I will have to catch them at some point, no doubt. I think we might have to leave Mrs. H lined up and sleeping in the lounge room at one point in time. There's no doubt at some point during the time they're here, I'm going to have to catch Mrs. H at the bottom of the staircase. Which I'm not averse to, I might have. We got you, girl. She's like, get your hands off my goodies. I'm just protecting you. It's fine.
With that in mind, I think interestingly here, because my parents visited recently, and what we found was is that for people who are similar ages to my parents here, they have a lot more strength in terms of leg strength for getting up and down stairs and also biking right balance wise strength wise yeah so i think there's generally a higher level of longevity of fitness yeah i agree because there's no there's very few people drive cars here regularly like the cars are weekend toys that's it really except if you have a long way to drive for work but otherwise people bike and train so i actually i liked the club i mean everything we've gone through i actually did like this club we were i don't think we were in the right i certainly wasn't in the right headspace for this club no didn't feel great going into it i think if we go back though i think we'll definitely be a little bit couples there i'm just gonna punch them out punch them punch them fucking push them out the door no so let's actually take a moment to talk about lessons learned then because that's something i really do want to talk about where people often talk about how to reject somebody but realistically you generally only tell them tend to reject somebody if they're actually making a pass at you it was you didn't make a pass at us at any point in time really are you fucking serious okay well run me through that then because i just thought i just thought it was annoying you were just flirt immune aren't you i just thought it was annoying he was pressing his body up against you at the bar i mean he was in your personal space my personal space, yeah.
From the moment we saw him, every time we saw him, he was inside your personal space, every time. So how would you reject this individual then who's doing this? It was actually getting to the point of annoyance for me, and I'm not normally the person who does the rejecting, right? That's normally you.
It was getting to the point for me where I was going to say, say dude look we're not interested please just leave us alone yeah i mean to be quite honest and we will generally tend to say like hey you don't have to have sex with people but you can have conversations with people and everything but i didn't even want to do that no no actually you you quite literally turned your back to him at the bar and he still kept talking to you and still kept trying to touch you and that is actually getting to the point for me that it was pissing me off.
Yeah. There's so much background noise in this podcast. It is what it is at this point. Yeah, so how would you – so if somebody was doing that again, like what would your advice be to somebody else to how to get rid of this person? Tell them to fuck off. No, I'm serious and then carry on having your night because you've just admitted to the fact that it impacted your entire evening. It did. But the problem is, is these things build, right?
It wasn't that the first time if we got away from him and then it didn't happen again. Yeah, because it was probably, what would you say, three times. There was four times that we ran into them.
Because we ran into them in the halls in the playroom as plays or playrooms as well i don't know whether you remember that we we literally ran away from the cleanup area beside the playroom to get away from them yeah right so so the problem the problem is the build that's the problem so by the time you get to the point where you want to tell him tell them and actually it's just him honestly yeah tell him that you're not that you know in no way interested it's late enough in the night that's already spoiled your night anyway yeah and nothing's going to change that right right so you don't know at the beginning like that first interaction you don't know that he's going to be a hassle exactly and but should you have done something at the second interaction not you i mean us collectively i mean again it's the build right i mean he wasn't the first couple of times he was he was annoying but not a challenge you know you can just push it not push him away but you know body language and and lack of interaction thrust him in another direction yeah but it's each time that continues to happen you get less and less tolerant yeah to that individual hence by the fourth time i turn my back on him which i would normally never do an individual but because that is so rude yeah so no it that that's the that's the problem though it's you can't the lesson is that you're gonna have nights where somebody fucks it up yeah that's the lesson because i don't think you can you're not going to make that call on the very first conversation because you may never see them again for that night.
And then it's a bit – I think on that first interaction, it's probably a little bit, I don't know, arrogant in some way, shape, or form. No, not at all. You don't think so? If I had my time again, I would have happily told him to go away. Okay. But, again, you don't know that unless it's hindsight. Yeah. Yeah, or you're just going to – look, there's been more than one time where my first line's not been a fucking, you know, a corker.
So there's certainly a few people out there I know that are like, oh, this guy's a bit of a fucking dickhead. Mm-hmm. Only to be proven totally wrong because I am a fucking legend. Kate's just nodding slowly. Yeah. So, yeah, I mean, I don't think there is a lesson there to be learned other than to say, well, hey, sometimes you have nights where they're not perfect and sometimes other people can drive that. That's not really something you can always deal with.
Okay, so then would your lesson learned and advice be then don't... I just gave it to you.
Yeah, but no, I saying you so your thing is like you can't sometimes you're just gonna have shit at night so would your would your thing be like and then just don't get angry about it just embrace it say c'est la vie life is sometimes like that right i mean if it was all fucking rainbows and lollipops then computers would be doing everything and we'd just be sitting on a beach or in a hotel room masturbating. Jerking it off. Jerking it off against the walls. Jerking it off?
Rubbing it off against the walls. What? Why is there an it in the middle? No, man. You just jerk off. Rub off. I mean, you don't, there's no. Right. So anyway, that was our. No. Coming back to it. Yeah, no. I mean, why is that there? What? Why are you bastardising the English slash Australian language? I think we all know that Australians don't actually have a language. Yes, we do. It's called Australian. Unlike the British, we left the AU years ago. Huh? Huh? What do you think?
That was pretty good. That wasn't bad. That wasn't bad. I think only our British friends will get that. Everybody else will be like, what the fuck are you talking about? So that was our time here at the club in the Netherlands. I'm looking forward to and would love to go back. So we will let you know how that goes. If anybody comes at us the same way that that couple did. Imagine it's the same couple again. Oh, it would just be like. Dude. No. Fuck off.
I'll drop my broadest Australian accent and be like, dude, just fuck off.
And I'll be like, you know what I'll i'll just if we're in line in front of them i'll just tell the hostess to give them key number 330 that'll really fuck with their night so so guys that has been nice callback babe thanks babe nice callback that has been the fun for two swingers club in the netherlands oh fuck i can't wait to get back to that locker room i know right it's gonna be amazeballs hey patrons new, if you guys want to see photos and come with us on that tour out of the locker room, if you guys, for our newest patrons here, if you guys are in the Netherlands and want to come and visit the lockers with us, just let us know.
So a big shout out and thank you to Teddy, Fritz, Chris, David, J&J, Darren, Matthew. Maddo. Thank you very much. How come I don't get to give them all the Australian? Okay, go. Quickly, Teddy. Ooh, that's a tough one. No, because Teddy's already like, you'd go with Teddy, right? Okay. Or you'd just call him, or you'd call him Paddington. Okay. Paddo. Paddo. No, actually, it'd end up at Paddo, yeah. But it'd start with Paddington. Right, so Teddy, you're now called Paddo. Because of Teddy.
Fritz. Fritz. See, I'd say that, I'd just be like, fucked. What? Because it's on the Fritz. No, he'd end up being called Broken. It'd be Brokeback Mountain. That's where you'd end up with it. Chris? Yeah. What you got? Chris. I knew a Chris. We called him Bear, but, you know, you'd have to know why. You'd have to, yeah, because he was a big orange bear. Hey, Chris from Patreon, if you want to send me a DM and let me know what your nickname is, that'd be top.
You better send us a photo, then I'll give you a name. Then you get to your screen then. It could be bear, it could be penguin. Okay. Next one's easy, David. Davo. Okay. I know these people, but you don't, and I'm not going to share their name because their initials are J&J. Oh, so, well, I mean, J&J is a pretty good one as well. We'd just call you Band-Aids. Band-Aids? Yeah, because Johnson & Johnson makes Band-Aids. Darren? Daza. Daza. You and I share the same name there, big fella. Daza.
Or Dags. Dags, yeah. Which is, for those of you out there who don't know. Just Google it. No. Go on. Google Kiwi Dags. Why Kiwi Dags? Because, you know, all the sheep. But I don't think Kiwis call them dags. Anyway, and the last one is Matthew. Maddo. There you go, guys. So thank you very much if you're one of our new patrons. I hope that you enjoyed the Honey Bonet lingerie photos. What did you think of them, Daryl? They went all right. They were all right?
You'd go all right for an old cracker i spent 250 euro on fuck me thank you that was your money by the way i sent 250 euro of daryl's money on uh new honey bedette lingerie and i've been slowly posting photos up on um up on patreon so and i'm going to do some on location shots next week so anyway cool i think that's enough i mean is anything going to recoup the 250 fucking euro that's where i'm at at the moment if you see me on the corner uh in lingerie I'll see at the moment.
If you see me on the corner in lingerie, just chuck me a fiver or something, eh? Better start with a fitty. So anyway, guys, that has been episode 150. Thanks so much for joining us and we will talk to you guys soon. Thank y'all. Bye, baby. Goodbye. Is that a song? Yeah. Bye-bye, baby. Goodbye. Is that a song? Yeah. Oh, okay. Bye.
