" What I want to know is why does it take days to even possibly get to a response? :
Any number of reasons, but ultimately it comes down to this site's metaphorical mouth being hooked to the drainage end of a colostomy bag and OLD being a failed model. Enjoy
Being new to the lifestyle we are still getting our feet wet with all of this..... we respond to every message we receive. For me meeting up and going to a person's home or bringing them to my home I would want to know them more than one or two messages first, little different maybe if we were going to be at the same event. As far as response time ours is based on the fact that both of us need to read and be able to communicate before responding
It is certainly OK to ask for and want that kind of close contact in a LS friend. It's just that we can't/won't provide that at the cost of seeing less of our many other friends. We just tend to do better with more-the-merrier types of friends, and not everyone is looking for that.
In the case of the OP, it seems pretty clear that they are also more-the-merrier types, so someone looking for something a bit more exclusive just wouldn't be interested in them. It's impossible to tell just how many profiles they're writting to that are avoiding them for that reason, but this group of people definitely exists here on SLS. They aren't fake, and they are looking to meet people, but they have a narrower band of focus/more requirements.
Mayhem isn’t reading those groups incorrect.
We like those we can call up, have a nice evening with dinner, a movie, a day at a show or fair, a cookout by the pool and even the strip club or lifestyle club. We only do those activities out on the town with those with the ability to lead themselves with something other than their genitalia.
~Allen
mayhem8
I get it now.
More and more profiles are saying "Friends in and out of the bedroom" or "Friends first, and if that leads to more, all the better." I subconsciously kind of noticed that, but it didn't really hit me until you pointed it out.
DB - Yep, I got it. I was more following up on the thought that there could be a significant group of people here in SLS that are looking, but want more of a "best friend" rather than just a FWB. I believe that the OP had made a comment to the effect of, "What are all these people doing here if they don't want to meet?" The OP are not looking through the eyes of this group.
If people in the group I'm talking of see someone that comes across as willing to have sex with a large # of different people, they aren't interested. For many of these, it's just easier to ignore peiple than trying to find nice words to say, "You're too much of a slut for us." This may or may not be code for the "quality or quantity" statements you see in people's profiles at times.
mayhem8
The main point of my post was just a reminder that the trials and tribulations of Single Males have been hashed out in these forums a hundred times over, and it's well known that we have a hard time getting people to contact us, or even reply to our initial contact. So when a couple is posting about how they can't get others to respond to their messages, I just have to chuckle a little bit, since Couples are theoretically the cornerstone of this website, and swinging in general.
Since I can't view the OP's profile, it is impossible for me to opine on whether or not there could be something in it causing others to shy away. While I am in no way an expert on profiles, sometimes an outside view, even from someone that isn't part of the target group, can spot something. Over the years, I have received great profile advice from some I would never have expected it from.
You are absolutely correct that not everyone is a member of this site for the same reason, and many have unrealistic expectations. For me, it's events. Since I travel a bit, I like to look for events local to where I will be visiting. I think that many would be surprised to find out that I don't fit the mold of the "typical" Single Male. By that, I mean I don't carpet bomb messages to couples and females just hoping that 1 of them might get a reply. If I send 2 messages in a month to people I don't already have a relationship with, it's a lot.
DB Cooper fortunately IM not in your shoes. I lived as a single male for 8 years after divorce. I empathize with you however.
DB - The key thing you said was to basicallly "Look at it through the eyes of others". It's easy to fall into the trap of thinking this is a swinger site for hooking up and wondering why it's not easier to do that.
Lots of people are here for lots of different reasons, so there will be others with reasons different from yours.
MNJFLA
I actually find your complaining rather comedic.
Try walking a mile in my shoes.
MNJFLA
Open your profile to Single Males and your inbox will likely be flooded with contacts.
BTW OP - We have run across another whole "group" of swinger type. They are looking, but they are looking more for best friends and/or possibly one or two other couples to join their intentionally small (read: exclusive) circle of LS friends.
So if they are perceiving you as not fitting that mold, they aren't interested and it may be too awkward for them trying to find a nice way to say, "We're not interested in sluts", so they just don't answer. For some, more is not always better.
If you are in the LS for the variety, then they are doing you a favor by not responding. They are looking to play, but just within a very narrow band of players.
"Everyone is entitled to be as picky as they want."
This. Be as picky and specific as you like, it's your LS life, and fuck what everyone else thinks. The only caveat is that if one decides to be super picky, then it would behoove them to also adjust their expectations of success to match. I get annoyed with the folks who have a laundry list of characteristics, but then get whinybitchy and negative because no one meets their VERY specific requirements. That's the down side, being picky makes it more likely that you'll be happy with who you choose to bring into your bed, but it also means that it's less likely that you'll find them.
"Somewhat related, our experience is that the LS can be incredibly streaky."
We've seen things go both ways. Opportunities appear out of thin air, and a number of best laid plans to get laid have fallen apart at the last minute. Just assumed that it was the nature of the beast.
My view is that, beyond a minimum threshold of decency, messages don't matter that much. There really seems to be no correlation between message types or content and response rates.
Why would there be. I assume most people are on here to find partners; if profile is written well enough and the couple or person meets your physical attractiveness criteria, why would a message need to be much more than an "I'm interested"?
You have to keep in mind that this is fantasy fullfillment for most, and they are looking for very particular things, even if they haven't detail those things in their profiles. Your profile is either going to lean into that or not.
Somewhat related, our experience is that the LS can be incredibly streaky. We will go weeks with pretty much nothing happening (here, at clubs, wherever) and then suddenly everyone's hormone switch is flipped to horny all at once, and things just fall in our laps.
I'm not saying it is like that for everyone. I'm sure some of the smoke shows out there float atop a sea of opportunity, but we are not a magazine cover couple exactlty.
Online can just be a really tough way to meet people if you want things to happen quickly. I realize that you do go to LS parties, so perhaps focusing more energy on that and less effort online would be way less frustrating for you.
There is nothing stopping you from having your own parties. If you can host, all the better. If not, you can organize your own hotel room parties and advertise either of these using Hot Dates.
Instead of asking why all of these people aren't responding to you (a question we probably can't answer for you), consider it a learning experience that many are here for a variety of reasons, and that may not even involve actively seeking play time. With Covid on the rise in a number of areas right now, that can also be a factor.
"Do they even begin to think they are so fucking hot, they can be so dam picky?"
Everyone is entitled to be as picky as they want. It has nothing to do with how hot you or they think they are or are not. Being on a sex site guarantees no one sex. If you want a guarantee, pay for it. Just because you aren't getting the results you want doesn't mean the people you contact aren't real. It probably means they're not interested.
You have 5 certs in about a year. That's really good. What concerns me is that your profile screams how serious the lifestyle is to you. Almost like this is all you do. You're constantly complaining about how no one replies and how you think everyone is fake and how if people don't get back to you within a few days you block them. People have lives. Not everyone is retired. For most people this is a hobby, not something they are totally consumed with. That doesn't exactly sound "sweet and easy by day" does it?
My advice is just to relax a bit. Try not to take this as serious as you are because your current attitude about everything lifestyle related is taking the fun out of it.
One more thing YES we do have specific people we look for and your profile may not be what others are looking for in their journey.. dont take it personal.. as YES we do want people we gravitate to as some do with our profile..
Guys we have talked before.. stop blaming those on SLS it is just one avenue to swinging and a small one..get out to clubs, events and parties.. by this time one would think you would have your own group..
Someone for everyone... just broaden your horizons. You already have 5 CERTS so something is working..
We use SLS mainly for events, parties and travel with FWB's
