Separate rooms

We most often play as a couple with another couple or occasional a threesome, mfm, however, we both have a hall pass. We are very comfortable, works very well for us.

While I agree with you about the "roommate vs wife" thought, I'm thinking there are many more that feel what we do is not really a marriage either. I guess so long as it works for everyone involved, it's all good.

@MAYHEM

Good question and a scenario we have not been exposed to. I suppose that if we didn't feel comfortable enough to play separate with the other couple we wouldn't play together with the other couple. But is there a scenario, where we would play combined but not solo . . . hmm. The only thing I can even think of is if it was a party situation and the couple were there, we just happened to play with them, and then realized it was not a good time. Then of course, as it takes two to tango, the other party would have to want to play that way. So I suppose there is no scenario where ->we<- would only play with the couple together, not solo.

We know a couple that ONLY plays solo. They are massively different from us. Separately, one of them finds someone, then that person goes out and has a good time. They, may, on occasion, go together to a meet up or small social gathering, but they never play there, they use it to meet potential new playmates. She has been known to do 'walk of shames' coming home. That to us is much more of having a spouse who is a roommate then a marriage.

Separate or same room doesn’t matter to us if everyone is comfortable. We had a couple contact us earlier in the week who were in town on business, had a light dinner and moved on to their hotel room with one king size bed. Everyone had a great time and looking forward to seeing them again.

EA - What I meant by the question is, what specifically doesn't work for you for a "separate" date. The list you gave are things that wouldn't work for ANY date. Are there people you would play with together that you wouldn't consider doing separate dates with for some reason?

FWIW - We are Family Guy fans ;-)

What doesn't work for us?

I may run out of characters on this response :)

Inconsiderate people. People with a long list of rules. People who like pain. People who do not recognize the other spouse. Basically, if I am talking to my wife and a guy comes up, and just cuts in and blocks me out. People who are adamant that there has to be girl-girl. If my wife is attracted to the other woman, that's fine, don't force it. Men who show up to parties wearing clothes like they just got out of a warehouse and their wife is dressed nicely. People who don't want to be there. People who have to get stoned/drunk to do something. People that are not forthright on their playstyle. People that are into constant meeting before anything happens. People who are hung up on absolute lines in the sand. This is my pet peeve and I think it's hilarious how absurd people are about it. "We only play with _____ height, ____ age, ____ weight." You never bring a tape measure, a scale or check ID before you hook up, so why is it this absolute thing? People who preach that their way is the only way. If you notice, I preach what works for us, realizing it may not work for others :) People who are pretentious. People who are adamant that we go out to a nice meal before anything can happen. Sorry, but I don't want to consume 1200 calories then fuck. If I consume 1200 calories, I want to sleep! People that are deceitful. People that can't laugh. People that fuck up that first impression.

How's that for a long enough answer? :) We tend to ask a very odd question of people when we start talking to them. We ask them if they watch/like Family Guy. If they do, we tend to have a great time. If they do not, they tend to have some other issues in that list above and it winds up being a bad time.

I know it would seem like with that long list of things that we do not like, that we'd never find anyone. Actually, we find that we filter out very few. The main issue we run into are the long list of rules. The rest of that list happens on occasion. Because on the whole, most people are actually decent. It doesn't matter their age, their race, their gender, their political affiliation, their religion, their income. We have been to places where it was two double wides put together. We have been to 25mm houses with Fortune 500 CEOs. It's amazing how having no clothes on and then wanting to have sex removes all those other 'man made' issues.

re: "we do enough to know what works for us and what doesn't."

You've talked a little about what does work for you. Out of curiosity, what doesn't?

I think being apart is actually a situation that can help make this work. A bad scenario is where one goes out on a date and returns to a horny partner and sex doesn't happen because the one that went out and played is tired and/or sated. If coming home after being apart for a few days, it's highly likely you'd want to make up for lost time. Especially so if one or both played while apart and shared that info.

We don't always do separate play dates but we do enough to know what works for us and what doesn't.

My wife meets on occasion a single male she knows during her lunch hour. He lives within walking distance of her office. So she goes and gets a nooner with him. It doesn't bother me at all, in fact, it turns me on. Coming up, I have to be out of town on Friday and Saturday. I am taking the train (it's 70 miles away) and on Saturday morning she is heading down. She is going to stop at a friends before I am done and get taken care of :) Of course, I will be horny as hell and when she meets me back at the hotel, I'll fill her up :)

I help setup gangbangs for a few women. They trust me to get the guys together that will give them a good time. Of course I participate :) When I come home do I jump my wife's bones? Sometimes yes, most of the time no. Do we do it the following morning? Hell yeah.

For us, our rules are simple. Do as you wish with who you wish. There is no need to tell beforehand, but we have to tell each other after the fact. One day, a lovely woman I know wanted some company. I got a hotel and met her. I wound up texting my wife a picture of the woman's pussy full of cum. She was happy and cool. She has been known to do something similar, but just sending me a picture of her pussy :)

It takes a LOT of trust and confidence to be able to do this in my opinion. I love my wife. I love that she is having fun and enjoying her life. I know she likes a lot of these guys. I know she doesn't love any of these guys. That is the difference.

RonKathy-We haven't had separate play dates, but with our first experience, we did have separate dates prior to playing. I loved it, but the hubby was only luke-warm to it. Of course, it was our first experience, and there was some insecurity involved. I think we're working that way, but it's a slow progression.

It does seem to make sense, because it can be very difficult to have completely balanced 4-way attraction. It does, however, require absolute security and faith in each other.

Things that make you go, "Hmmmm.". I can see how separate dates can be hot, but understand the concerns too.

I'd think separate dates work best under certain conditions. From a play time availability point it'd be nice if both have roughly equal amounts. If one half works full time and the other part time, that can present a problem. In any relationship, one can have a higher sex drive than the other. I can easily see issues when the one with the higher drive has less available play time.

While the idea is one half comes home hornier and wanting to play and both have hot sex after a separate date, there is the risk (especially after doing this a while) that they come home sated or less able to perform. Even worse, the one at home is looking forward to post-date sex and the other doesn't really care if they play again later or not.

The reason for the "after a while" comment is that for the longest time, EVERY time we went to a party and played we'd come home and play with each other. Perhaps it's our age, but we've reached a point where we do come home sated or would just assume wait till morning to play with each other.

Though it obviously works for some, for a lot of people it's a bit of a minefield and I can see it taking a bit of "mine mapping" to have it work well, and more importantly, be sustainable.

From the start, my husband and I were all for separate rooms, until we tried same room.

It was a shock to me to discover how much I enjoyed seeing him with another woman.

All in all, there are arguments for both ways. In separate rooms, we are able to focus exclusively on the partner we're with, and enjoy a deeper, more intimate experience. In the same room, however, there can be a heightened energy and a shared experience. It also opens up the possibility of group play.

In the end, the choice between same or separate comes down to our partners and the type of experience we want for the encounter.

They're both good.

This question is really interesting. Being in separate rooms can be extremely erotic and less stressful for some couples personally we enjoy the experience of being together so we can experience the visual of seeing our partner pleasured!

( GIVING A THUMBS UP & KISSES ) Hi Allen. remember PaPa was a rolling stone ,,, LOL.. But yeah we like to roll as long as all are comfy !

All hail Queen Rosie!

:-)

That’s how we roll!

~Allen

Here is an idea you might what to try so it's kinda testing the boundary waters. How about getting a 2 room suite where there are 2 separate bedrooms. This way you can be separate rooms , but in the same hotel room. This way you can see how it is to be separated, but near by. If you feel comfortable doing this you may one day be ready to play apart. We like playing together and apart. When we go to house party's we do and have had played in different rooms. If we go to a hotel takeover's we only play in the same room, because they are just BIG to be to be separated , and safety comes first.
XOXOXO Rosie

We understand why people would want to be ins operate rooms and focus on their play partners. But for us, being in the same room is not a distraction, it's part of the erotic experience. We do this not only for our own pleasures, but for the pleasures each of us experience. So we don't know of anything hotter than seeing and hearing each other giving and receiving pleasure. With everything going on, when one of our hands finds the hand of the other, or we share a kid while are both fucking others, or just being able to look over and see a smile, those are sensations and experiences we love.

We'll go to separate rooms if that's the preference of the other couple. But if left up to us, we like being in the same room.

Will also say that Mayhem's experiences described below are damn hot.......

Like EA, we've sort of gravitated that way but more because we run into others where that is a preference. A lot has to do with how you react to seeing/hearing your mate play.

For us, it has always been a big turn on to see/hear each other than a distraction, and it has nothing to do with trust at this point. One couple we know picked up on this. We were on adjacent beds and the woman I was with told her husband to fuck my wife harder so she would get fucked even better...lol

I have NEVER had a complaint from any woman I've played with as a result of "being distracted" by what the Mrs was doing. Most enjoy hearing her happy sounds as their hubby's play with my Mrs. In one case I apologized to a woman I was fucking because it was obvious I was watching the Mrs on the next bed who happened to be playing with 4 guys at once. The woman literally said, "Hey, don't worry about it because I was watching her too. That is fucking hot." as I continued to pound her from behind. She could literally feel the effect it was having on me.

So, I think a large part of this comes down to whether the "distraction" enhances your performance or not. For couples we play with where that is not the case we have no problem playing in separate rooms. It also allows each of us to play with singles or one half of a couple at parties.

I realize that this is a late response, but this is how we play 99% of the time. We did not start this way, but have ended up this way. For us, it was a statement from someone that just made so much sense.

We were at an On Premise club back in the 90s. We were sitting by the bar at the end of the night. There was pretty woman who I had seen before just sitting on a bench near the pool table in a towel. She sat there, alone for a bit. In my typical smart ass self, I went over to her. I sat down next to her and said hello. We started to talk and I asked her where her husband was. She said, "He is back there with some woman." I asked her, "And you are ok with this?" She then gave me so much wisdom! She said, "I never understand the people that have to be in the same room, same bed, eyesight of their spouse. How can you focus in on your lover if all you are doing is watching your spouse?" That was so brilliant. The light bulb went off.

It is very rare for my wife and I to be on the same bed with others at the same time. First and foremost, it is the reason above. Secondly, she is almost 6'2 and animated during sex. She loves to move around. Putting four tall people on a bed just makes it a fight for bed real estate, thus taking away from focusing on your lover :)

Good luck in what you do. Find what keeps you happy and do it!

As stated already, we started as same room only but worked into separate rooms. We almost prefer separate rooms now so there is no distraction. There is still some advantage with same room if both couples like exploring, seeing and touching others while playing. That can be fun so we will play same or separate room. However, we had a very bad experience at a club so it is always same room at a club for my wife's protection.

mayham8 absolutely we would eventually like to be able to do it and complete different rooms to wear sometimes we can't even hear each other I do trust my wife 100% And I know she trusts me as well but obviously her safety as I stayed always has to be first concern. We often go to clubs and go our separate ways and then always meet back up we normally go to a club here in Maryland called the tree house or the fantasy house it's called definitely appreciate your Insight

The "trust" I mentioned is in your play partners du jour. I would assume that you trust each other or the LS would likely not be working well (or at all) for you ;-)

For example, we use condoms for penetration and nobody but me cums in the Mrs. Not a lot of rules, but we have to trust that our play partners will follow them if we play in separate rooms.

mayhem8 yes we have no trust issues we honestly would love that but obviously she would have to be feel 100% secure and safe we're just trying to test the waters spice things up we both think it would be very hot and erotic I appreciate your feedback

Separate rooms is usually something people work up to. I say "usually" because I have run into couples where they are working up to same room play because they need to learn how to not be so distracted by their partner when playing in the same room.

That said, we had to work up to separate room play. What we found is that being close enough to hear each other playing and letting our imagination fill in the blanks was VERY erotic.

You do of course have to have a certain amount of trust in your playmates but you are within earshot if need be. If you need to be so far away that you can't even hear each other then obviously that required a higher level of trust, but is certainly doable.

My wife and I have been in the lifestyle for quite some time we're very open-minded and enjoy it recently we've been discussing doing separate rooms we really like the thought of it both of us. Was wondering what other people's opinions or experiences were with this. I personally have a hard time being with another woman while my wife is in the same room it just makes me feel a little awkward and it honestly throws me off my game not that I'm doing anything wrong but I enjoy watching her and she enjoys me watching her she's perfectly fine with doing separate rooms