Reminiscent

Being shy or an introvert is something you have to work on. Both of us were shy in our earlier years. The Mrs is still some what of an introvert. The LS has changed that. She has come out of her shell, and is not really shy anymore. In fact she flirts with strangers just as much as I do. In the summer we hang out at vanilla bars a lot. If a cute guy just happens to start a chat, or a sensual look, she lights up, and the game is on.

The LS is a lot like dating all over again. But now its 2 on 2. Although, we are open to singles as well.

If you cannot make the first move, you need to be noticed, so that they make the first move. The first thing you need to do is wear something that gets attention. This is where the ladies have it all over the guys. Show off your cleavage, your butt, your curves. Any woman can be sexy. Just show off YOUR sexy. Be ready to engage in conversation when someone approaches you. OP, you have a great default pic. SMILE, if you have "standing bitch face", you need to work on that. If your appearance is not welcoming, you will not get a lot of callers. Small compliments go a long way. Over time, this will be less and less work. When a couple says, "OMG, you guys are a lot of fun!!!!" you know you are doing something right.

Hope this helps.

Well said ZAK. You live in the world you create.

Zak69, I have to agree with all of that.

Tramp

It's not that easy for a lot of couples to make progress with their profile alone. Going to M&G's, House Parties and Hotel takeovers is really where its at for some obvious and some times overlooked reasons like you won't have to deal with fakes, you see both spouses (not just body parts) and you can see that the male half does exist and he is not a vampire.... We also found ourselves falling into the wallflower syndrome and many times we would feed off of the sexual vibes that everyone was giving off and would wind up going home and having great sex by ourselves. What we then realized was we were not giving off any sexual vibes ourselves we were to busy watching everyone else having fun, so we started giving each other more attention, dance, kissing a little fondling showing off a little as to how sexy we are together.
People are looking for sexual excitement, show that you can be sexually exciting couple, become the flirty couple that you could be
drawn to. Lets face it if you are going to look like a boring couple and not show some interest in each other then why would anyone else be interested.
Someone carrying a carton of ice cream in a bag is not going to make you want some as much as watching someone licking and sucking passionately on an ice cream cone.

Were you to meet me (Mr.) in public, you'd have no idea I'm an introvert, that I have social anxieties, and likely all the other hangups that an incredible number of people in the lifestyle have, but I honestly struggle with them too. Thankfully I was lucky enough at one point in my career to have an employer send me to Dale Carnegie for help.

I won't bore you with the details about the training, but I still use a lot of it 25 years later. The part that is relevant to you is the "Dale Carnegie Conversation Stack". Google it, read it and learn it. Keep in mind you don't want to get too intrusive, but it gives you a great place to start: Ask people about themselves. The "Conversation Stack" is a memory device to use to bring up topics that people generally don't have problems talking about, like vacations, family, where they live...all safe topics to use as conversation starters.

You'll tell pretty quickly if they're INTERESTED, enjoying the conversation, or pleasegothefuckaway. Regardless of their response, after a little bit move on (You can always go back to the INTERESTED) ones. Do it again with another couple. Rinse and repeat until you've talked to just about everyone at the gathering. Now they're not strangers, and you've started to get comfortable with the process. The more you do it, the more natural it becomes, just like sex.

Don't want to sound like a heckler, but change your stats to where they are accurate. Many will summarily dismiss you for being deceptive otherwise. Do a lot of work to get nice pictures. Send us a message and we can walk you through how to take some decent ones if you need help.

Hi. I hope other people weigh in as well, because mine is just one opinion. That said, I really like the changes and have no suggestions about the text of your profile. You seem like a friendly, approachable couple and it's a much better reflection of the two of you than the previous version.

I do think your photos need to be completely redone. There are no whole body shots of him and the photos you have now are not as flattering as they could be. I'm sorry if that sounds harsh, because I don't mean it unkindly. It's just that there are poses and angles that flatter bodies and for the most part yours don't include those things. What are the very best, most favorite photos you've taken? Because analyzing them might help you determine what you want to do here. There are also How to Take Selfies tutorials on the web that might help. And do take those photos dressed up the way you say you do for meetings with potential playmates. If you do that and leave out the body parts shots, I think it will be a definite improvement.

Good luck!

I did work on our profile some, would you care to critique again? Please :)

Thank you all for your input, you've given us some things to talk about and a few insights that we had not been aware of. We appreciate it.

Hi. I'm really sorry, but this is going to sound super bitchy and I've been debating about whether to respond since I read your post, because there's no way to be sufficiently diplomatic and get the point across. Your profile does need work, as it's off putting on multiple fronts, and while I wouldn't ignore an overture from you, I'd politely turn you down almost as soon as you finished typing. Why? Well. Based on your profile and photos, you seem like you have poor judgment about what appeals to other people. If what HollyBlue is saying isn't clear enough, you might want to submit your profile to the cage match that is Better Profiles (it's extremely blunt).

As far as everything else, I get that social situations produce anxiety for you. The thing is, that's true for almost everyone who isn't a sociopath. It might not be a lot of anxiety, or it might feel like excitement, but doing new things with new people is pretty much a recipe for anxiety. Either you never do new things with new people or you accept that it's going to be difficult on some level, just like it is for most people. Those cliques you describe here and in your profile? They're likely composed in part of shy, anxious people who only feel safe surrounded by familiar people.

In spite of your shyness and anxiety and your husband's discomfort with starting conversations, if you want people to talk to you, you'll have to learn how to approach folks, as well as be welcoming and sufficiently bubbly that you're sending clear signals that you welcome others to approach.

I'm also sorry you were bullied. That must have sucked. But school was a long time ago and if you're still letting it shape your attitudes towards groups now, that's not very useful. Maybe let it go?

This is great advice.

"Turns out they may just as shy about things as you are"

Many folks fear rejection so they won't ask the question for fear of getting a no. But the answer to every question you don't ask is no. You only have a shot at getting a yes when you ask.

I have a similar problem of having difficulty with starting the conversation in person. Like many things, the key is practice practice practice. Force yourself to start conversations with new folks at every opportunity. With the checker at the grocery store, ask the guy in front of you at In-N-Out about his hiking boots, etc. The subject doesn't really matter as much as getting in the habit of starting conversations, even in the vanilla world. It's a bit awkward for us introverts, but that's the only way to really make the change.

Well, with the profile be sure that your stats are accurate. You have been at it for several years yet your profile says you are new and there seems to be several other places you will want to update. It would also be a good idea to put your play pics and the pics of the two of you in separate galleries. Sometimes it is good to completely wipe out your old pics and replace them with some that are really well done. If you update the text and the pictures it should help get a few more new views or second looks. Non responses should be taken as a no thanks.

Also, bear in mind that many will not or cannot play with smokers. That alone will limit who you all can play with.
Don't try and change your personalities. Just intentionally be direct when you are at parties, clubs, etc. Start a conversation with a couple and if you like them go ahead and ask if they want to play. Put yourself on a timer: you have 5 minutes to start a conversation, you have 5 minutes into the conversation to talk about play preferences, you have 10-20 minutes to signal to your spouse if you like them, and then ask. It may sound a bit wooden or forced but it will help you all get moving. Will people say "no", yes. Will some say "yes", yes. Many fail because they never ask and have convinced themselves people think ill of them. Turns out they may just as shy about things as you are. They just simply hang with those they know because it is comfortable.

So hi! I'm Pebbles and I'm quite shy compounded with anxiety, people say "don't be shy", it doesn't work that way. BamBam isn't the least bit shy, but he's very quiet, is uncomfortable starting conversation but can have a conversation with anyone, very intelligent. Now, my plea for advice! We've been in the lifestyle the years now, met many people and had good times, our problem is the enfamous wallflower syndrome with a bully backer!
We were both bullied during our school years and those memories don't just go away. If we've gone to a
House party or a club, it's like we've got Harry Potters invisibility cloak on! Anywhere we go everybody knows each other, Meet & Greet it or be honest about the cliques that are there. We're friendly, not up in your face friendly but we're good folk! We've tried connecting with people before events, hosting, and I'm not saying we've not had a damn good time because we have!
We send requests to meet folks and most don't even answer, "would you like to meet and let us but you a drink?" The same feeling in school when you were judged on appearance alone, and we're not THAT hard on the eyes!
I know our lack of bubbling enthusiasm is part, but really? Is our profile horrible? We're always clean, well dressed, made an effort, some do not. We're good hosts and when we all get in a groove it's a good thing. We just have a hell of a time finding someone to get our groove on with! Thanks for any friendly advice!