looking for advice

Wow. I am amazed at your wife's patience with you and would love to hear her side of this story.

Keep looking they are out there. We too look for guys and gals that just want some fun friendly sex and good times ( dancing dinner and laughs)... the LOVE we have for each other , trail, tribulations of ones marriage well it just cant be replaced... we look at swinging like a sex sport that we BOTH enjoy !

smithlife - While it may be an expensive route, LS parties are where you're much more likely to actually have some success. Try to exchange contact info if you do meet and click with people and start expanding your network of LS friends. If you're playing with a couple at a club, there's a good chhance they'll be looking for that same kind of play outside the club/party, and they may have other friends they can introduce you to.

If you're hoping for more online success, your profile could use some work, particularly your pictures. There's a whole topic in the forum dedicated to just that.

While I can appreciate that you are the outdoor type, you'll likely appeal to a larger audience if you put the naked and bare chested pics in a private folder and add a picture or 2 of you actually dressed up. Even women that like the outdoorsy type like it when a guy "cleans up well".

So many make the mistake that this is a sex site and it's all about the sex. Maybe it is for some, but the majority of people want someone they can see themselves hanging around with and going out to dinner and such. It never hurts to have some range, as in being able to rock a suit/tie as well as your birthday suit, and anything in between.

While there are girls that like hunting/fishing, you are in a large majority group of SMs searching for a very small minority (outdoorsy woman). I know it's likely that the woman doesn't have to like outdoorsy stuff for you to want to meet her, but they likely want someone that they can connect with on other levels. Right now, it looks like sex or hunting/fishing is it for you, so it's no surprise a large % of them will pass you up.

Interesting thread and I enjoyed the comments. I am wanting to get involved in the lifestyle and finding most on the website aren't looking for what I'm trying to offer it seems. Anyone have any advice for me?? I am a straight male looking for a friend with benefits situation. Not wanting to hop bed to bed with a different woman as I am more of a family man type and disease free. Also not looking for any strings attached besides friendship. I have did the search and tried to only message those who said they wanted a single male but not getting anywhere. I went to Playalinda last week and it was great. Any advice??

When I 1st moved to SC I had already been swinging for 11yrs but knew no one in this area. Comfort is key so I wanted to attend events that were interracial friendly, BBW friendly and age appropriate. As I search on this site for events near me I would click on event details then scroll down to click on view profiles of those that signed up to attend as well. Occasionally others who signed up to attend would reach out to me to ask if I had attend 1 of their events before or other questions they may have because it was new to them or to simply establish a friendly face that you could potentially hang with at the event.

OP thanks for the clarification when asked instead of like some get mad ... very well spoken!

Just 'our" opinion why not try a night out planned in advance.. talk about a date night a week or so ahead of time, pick out a sexy dress, heels, etc. On the big night rub her down after her bath or shower with body or coconut oil.. tell her how beautiful she looks and keep it going with some light music.. Now one of two things... you could have reached out on SLS and tried to find a good looking nice guy who you have talked with and set up a meet at a bar restaurant.. or maybe try going to a local place where singles meet and pick someone or just look at them and say wouldn't it be nice to have that person in your bed.. even try a nice classy hotel with happy hour.. they all work wonders and we have done all frequently. Maybe even some car sex after your talk in the bar..

Once she has a great first experience .. believe me she will want more its just FUN and keeps things real happy in your marriage.

Good luck.. as stated dont give up and look at maybe a Vibes party a state or 2 away from where you live .. we have had some fun at those too.

Don't give up on your fantasy. Life is short and you both need to enjoy it to its fullest. We started in the LS 25 yrs ago. Played for a couple and got out because of raising kids and careers. I had a very public job. Moved to Tn 3 yrs ago and got back into it. Don't regret it at all except we should have done it sooner. We have met a number of really great people and there are certainly more out there to meet. Maybe talk more about it when having sex and have a dildo there to pleasure her with as if was another guy. Might help get her more interested.

Thank you all for the advice and information.

Yes, my wife does know we are on here and yes we originally signed up a long time ago. As I mentioned, we started talking years ago about this and did a bit of research. This site seemed to be the most popular (although we did check out others) so we got a year membership at the time. The hope was to find something in the Charlotte area that we liked or perhaps a group where we could talk / interact with others.

During that time, there was a club here in Charlotte that opened. It was complicated and difficult to get a membership, so we didn't attend. Eventually it seems it went out of business. The clubs here do have some 'hotel takeovers' but at initial glance seem a bit overwhelming for what we were looking for. So, we took a break from it all - then came back. When we came back, we noticed the laws changed (or something) and we couldn't read much on the site. After more discussion, we just recently bought the full life membership. Why full life? well, the cost of 2 years was the same or more than the lifetime - so if we repeated history and looked around, took a break and came back - we might save some money.

We do look at some profiles, in some twisted way hoping maybe we'd find someone we'd recognize to ease the fear of it all. As mentioned, I do partially believe that some of both of our fears is losing what we have. If we found someone we already knew, maybe this wouldn't be so odd.

As for why we're on here originally, as I originally stated, we discussed both our fantasies. Mine was / is with her - and we've lived it out (and still do). She has the fantasy of being with 2 men, but told me directly that if it was to happen, I'd have to set it up. Trying to look around the Internet - this topic brings you to a very wide variety of pages. I'm very happy with just her - and I somewhat wonder if because I don't immediately jump at "2 girls" or "someone else", if that plays into her reluctance.

So once again, I do thank you all for the information. More than likely, we won't be doing anything for the short term. I've mentioned a "Christmas Hotel Takeover" not far from home on December 4th, but she doesn't seem overly excited. We'll keep talking and perhaps one day make the leap to actually emailing someone on this site. My hope was to see if what we were experiencing was common with others or if this was a 'red flag'. In the chat or other areas, it seems to be much more 'direct' and little of what we're hoping for making me wonder.

I also do appreciate the age information. She does have C section scars, we aren't 22 - we no longer buy the most trendy clothes (all that money is now spent on our kids) so knowing others are in the same boat helps a lot.

Thank you again,

It can be hard for a wife to wrap her head around the idea that her husband would be OK with seeing her having sex with another guy. A big fear is that you will never look at her the same once it happens and it will have a negative impact on your relationship.

Honestly, you won't really know how you'll both feel until after you do it. If you find the idea of MFM hot, then there's a very good chance it will still be hot after the fact. No guarantees either way though.

In order to move forward, both of us had to feel very confident that whatever we did wouldn't have a negative impact on our relationship. The very idea of an MFM came from having porn on in the background when we played with each other. We both found it hot, and porn sort of acclimated us to the idea of doing an MFM and/or playing with others in general.

As for "being too old to swing", we didn't even think about doing anything until we were in our 50's, so there's no rush. However, I will say that if we had any regrets, it was that we hadn't done this sooner, but you are ready when you're ready.

Mnt, you are where many couples have been. You have been given solid advice. One thing you need to look for is if your wife simply doesn't feel confident enough to delve in the LS. Also, assure your wife that you are 100% fine with her playing with another man. At the same time let her know that you will let her know exactly what you are thinking all the time. She will need to know that you won't be hurt and also feel self-confident to move forward.

When navigating family and being discrete find a plan that works for both of you. Head out of town for the evening. The distance will help you all relax a bit. You don't even have to play. As mentioned, just find a club and go in and talk to other couples. Then your second outing plan on meeting someone at the club or for drinks. Slowly work your way in and at the same time be ready to pull the plug. It is not unusual at all for a couple to have their profile in the city they play in and live in another.

Good luck.

"After roughly a year, I asked again and she said she didn't know anyone that I'd be comfortable with and that we were getting too old anyway; our time had passed for this."

Couples, particularly those with MFM experience, are going to be your best resource here, but I want to reassure both of you that you're actually solidly in the demographic for those entering (or at least entertaining the fantasy of) the world of multi-partner sex. You might even be on the low end, in terms of age.

Also, as a woman - and I want to be careful, because in no way am I suggesting you pressure your wife - I'd say the hardest hurdle for a lot of women is whether you will still love and appreciate and respect them after you've seen another guy fucking them. And the reason I'm mentioning this is the nature of your wife's latest refusal, which is in part about your comfort. Also, it might partly be about not having an 18 year old's body, because that's also a thing. It's a thing that doesn't survive a first brush with reality - men love women's bodies, C-section scars, saggy boobs and all - but it can be a huge barrier for women. So you might want to have some frank talks about those two issues (your disapproval and body image) in addition to however else you're talking about.

And I'm seriously not a fan of attending any sort of event until you've unpacked the reasons one or both of you have reservations. You don't have to have solutions, but know what the issues are. Then go to an event.

Wait a minute.. you have been here since 2018 and still no answers to what you have been looking for.. ? Does she even know you are on SLS?

By the way.. if she thinks you are to old.. all we can say is wow.. that was our prime time for swinging from 40 to 50 yrs old..and we are still going strong to this day.. and many on here know we travel often to play with others like in NOLA, Ft Ldl, Tampa, Ala, Charleston, SC etc etc.. you are never too old and YES it does take work to keep it going just like anything in life.

Once again.. good luck and enjoy . If you are going to look for FWB on SLS get some help on forums with your profile and photos even if face blurred etc or you will not be happy with the outcome here.

Maybe a vacation to Caliente north of Tampa may get you going.. a fun place !

First welcome... You are only 41 years old.. if you have a solid marriage then communication is the key to everything.. no one knows more than the 2 of you of the trials and tribulations of your life , work, kids and vanilla side.

We have been active select swingers well over 29 years and started our journey in south Florida a swingers playground. We were never on a web site as BOTH had high profile public jobs and were well known on the entire area including stints on TV for our work. The people we started swinging with were known from our inner circle who introduced us to others who were select.

Now we have moved on to Georgia, retired from our high profile jobs and still select with who we swing with.

All we will say is that BOTH of you need to be on the same page. You can start out by going to a club and watching and who knows what may occur. WE have seen many couples who think they want to swing are devastated when the other half.. male or female goes to bed with another person. You must be both in the same frame of mind with NO jealousy issues.

For "us" we look at it like a sex sport we both enjoy immensely. We enjoy 3 sums for each male and female. WE have found it is much harder to have 4 people all click especially on SLS. We have found more matches at events, parties and just local swinger bars.

You 2 need to talk it out.. our kids do not know but get we are "kinky sex wise" but we dont flaunt it. We each have gone out alone with well known trusted FWB and all came home to have more sex again. Be honest with each other or it will end badly.. good luck.. sex is great and its NOT the kids business or anyone elses who you go to bed with.

As stated talk it out.. dont do it if both of you are NOT on the same page..we have seen marriages break up over one wanting more.

Its your life, your journey no matter what.. but be sure you BOTH learn to communicate and grow together as it will evolve and for us Its just sex not LOVE as we have cultivated over 39 plus years... matter of fact we are meeting a new SLS guy this Friday.. we hope he is a keeper!

Phoebert had swinging experience prior to me. It took more than ten years of pillow talk and fantasizing before I considered MFM and probably another five years before taking the plunge. Some of us take a while to get comfortable with new ideas. ;-)

You know your wife best - don't push but perhaps continuing to bring it up occasionally will result in her deciding to try.

Phoebert would tell me about experiences with his ex-wife or previous girlfriends and other guys or describe what he wanted me to experience between him and another guy - usually while we were cuddling and/or fooling around in bed. If nothing else it enriched our foreplay fantasies while I was on the fence!

Good luck and have fun!

~Phoebert's Wife

Move at your own pace, maybe attend a hotel takeover or a strip club to just take it all in visually. Even if you don't act on anything it will be awesome fun back at your room or in the car or wherever together. Good luck & don't allow anyone to pressure either of you as you navigate this type of fun!

HI,

My wife and I have been together for roughly 20 years, happily married for 14 years with 2 children. We talk about everything and I believe have a very good relationship. Given that, we've shared our fantasies and she has told me she always had a fantasy of being with 2 men at the same time (myself and another).

Unfortunately, we are both 'over thinkers' and we discussed everything. How would this impact our relationship? How would we find someone we were comfortable with? What about diseases? What if the kids ever found out? etc.

After all these questions, we somewhat concluded it wasn't right for us. There was too much risk and perhaps something we should do later on in life. As I thought about this more, I felt we were holding her back and we could perhaps explore this more - and it might be fun.

I asked her if I found someone, what would she think. She immediately responded with, maybe later. After more time passed, I asked again and she once again said maybe later. After roughly a year, I asked again and she said she didn't know anyone that I'd be comfortable with and that we were getting too old anyway; our time had passed for this.

Given all this, I was thinking of trying to bring her to a local lifestyle event and see what happens. I don't want to force anything, but I also don't want to hold her back and think it could be fun.

Adding to the complexity, we don't live anywhere near our families. Our lives are centered around our kids (7 and 10) so we don't have a 'regular' sitter.

Being new and extremely nervous, what are others thoughts? Have others had similar concerns or nervousness 'entering' the lifestyle?

Thank you for the advice and information.