Ghosting

It sounds like you just need to figure out what you want. First off, not having your husband's blessings...... What does that mean? Are you cheating or is he allowing this? That's the only part of this that would make you a "bad swinger."

The rest is up to you and your partners, you just need to be up front with that. I'm very sensual myself. I'm not a one and done type of guy myself. There are plenty of women who want regulars, friends with benefits, someone just to hang and go to events with, or even poly relationships, where you actually embrace your feelings and relationships, no matter how many there are....

In other words, there's all sorts of people and desires in this lifestyle. But if you two don't speak on these things beforehand, you're going to think it's one way, and he's going to think it's another. If you and this guy talked about things beforehand, you'd have not been shocked by his reactions and might not have even chose him at all.

Additionally. Any guy worth a damn will try read a woman's desires and fulfill that desire.

If I sense they want a more intimate and emotional sexual experience. That's what I will try to give them. If I sense that all they want is a hard cock and a good pounding. That's what I give them.

Either way. Once the clothes go back on. We're talking about the weather.

I'm not sure if any of this will help but...

I'm thinking that you are seeking something that you need but don't have in your life. The married guys on here will likely run for the hills if they sense that you are having "feelings" for them. (I would)

The single guys on here might be receptive to those feelings but at some point may expect a "commitment" towards those feelings.

I myself think that you have two choices. Either harness your longing for an emotional connection with a playmate or do some soul searching and pull whatever trigger you need to and get what you need.

Have you considered meeting people who are polyamorous? They are seeking relationships, not just sex.

It sounds like you went into a just sex situation and walked away thinking it was more than just sex. Generally, swinging is about the sex. No strings. You want strings? You need to make that the priority in your search, over the sex. SLS is a crap place to do that.

Honestly if you are having feelings for a person or couple after "talking" with them enough to set up a night together and then having sex the lifestyle is not for you. This does not mean you cannot become friends with people you have sex with but that develops over time not one night of sex. I'm thinking the couple got the "feelings" vibe from you during your encounter and decided they want nothing more to do with you. If this is true they have a legitimate reason because feelings are not a good thing in the lifestyle especially if they come after such a short period of time. Reasons have been given already so there is no need to go over them. Anyone who has been in the lifestyle for a bit (mid 90's for us) has seen the damage to everyone involved even if they don't know they are when feelings come into play.

BTW this is not to say after months of talking and occasional play you do not develop a fondness or even friendship with those you play with however if all you had in common really was swinging you will find that folks come and go. The friendships we still have with folks we have had sex with actually started out as friendships in the vanilla world first. Now this does not mean we are not willing to become lifetime (what's left of it) friends with folks we meet in the lifestyle but let me tell you about the couple that moved due to a job pr retirement, simply fade out of the lifestyle and your life, end up divorcing, have a bad experience in the lifestyle and never recover, one or the other losses interest (or ability) in sex and they cut ties, and the list goes on just like those vanilla people that come in and out of your life.

Swinging is not an easy task for a female (married or single) who have a hard time separating sex from love. Go in to every situation as a 1-time thing.

He might actually have feelings for you, but you're married. No man wants to go down that road with a married woman. They end up getting hurt and going home to an empty bed. (I was a sf until a few months ago) being married and having a hard time separating sex and emotions, you might want to avoid repeat play time with people you're really interested in.

Swinging has never, in the land of ever, fixed a marriage. It rarely ends in anything but divorce.
He can't handle it so he either divorces you or asks you to choose. No matter what you choose, you'll end up divorced. You end up falling in love with someone and divorcing him to be with your new lover. He ends up seeking comfort from another woman about the situation, falls in love and asks you for a divorce. 1 of you realizes that swinging isn't the answer, but a divorce is the right thing to do with r/deadbedroom so that both of you can be happy. This is how I see the rest of your marriage panning out. It's unfortunately not an uncommon thing to happen. *I've seen 1 marriage with this situation and they stayed together, he was absolutely miserable. She was repeatedly heartbroken when her lover was back and forth. He's still single when he could have spent the 10 years he invested in this married woman finding a life partner. Lover wanted the wife, she was selfish and wanted both. The guys were miserable, and the husband stayed because of family pressure.

goodgollymsmolly said better than i could have ever write on this. Lady, you need just be happy with the memories of this MFM experience and move on. There are better things and bigger O's just around the corner.

Let’s just start out with no offense meant, just being completely honest. If you’re looking for compassion and feelings, this isn’t the place for you. Match . com might be a much better fit for what you’re looking for. Generally the married folks on here get their love and affection from their spouse, they’re on here to add some sexual spice to their marriage. Swinging will help with what you’re missing physically at home, however, it will not help with what you are missing emotionally.

First, get a few pictures up on your profile. Then be super specific about what and who you are looking for. Seeking an intimate encounter or partner outside of your marriage most times will spell the end of your marriage, unless you can handle an open/ poly set up. It doesn't sound like you are there. Seeking to find what is missing in your marriage is a dangerous proposition. If you are looking for swinging friends then you should find some parties or clubs to get to know some people and get first hand information from some couples and other ladies in a similar situation. Keep in mind that many don't mind an fwb, but don't want anyone to get too close too fast or even too close. Casual sex isn't something everyone can be super comfortable with and there is no shame in saying the LS isn't a good fit. Take some time to sort through your feelings, keep asking lots of questions, and as much as possible keep your husband in the loop. Be patient with yourself and be open and honest so that you don't end up somewhere you do not wish to be.

Eh. It's RonKathy. They routinely say shitty things and delete their posts within 24 hours, presumably to erase the record of their shittiness.

There is a huge difference between fabulous sex and wanting to see someone again. Some people are bed notchers. It doesn't matter how overwhelmingly positive the experience was, once was enough. It's not about you, it's about what they want. Other people will stick around - I've been exchanging texts all morning with a woman I first met when she lassoed my evening's date at a sex club in 2003 - even after you stop having sex with them.

The basic problem is one you've already identified, which is that swinging isn't particularly well designed to meet your need for intimacy. Hot sex? Yeah, not always, but often enough to invest time and energy in seeking it out. Intimacy with a playmate? Every once in a great while and it will stand out because it's so unusual.

I don't know how to be delicate about this and I apologize, but...swinging has never made anyone less lonely. And having an unsupportive partner at home - something I have experienced near the end of my last two relationships, with a don't ask, don't tell policy - makes it worse.

The problem with singing is the, use them and lose them swingers. Having sex is with, the mind, body and spirit.

Sorry to hear that but pretty much that is going to be an ongoing problem here....You being married, guys may not be willing to invest a lot of effort in an ongoing thing but some will...But it is odd to have that kind of rude outcome, maybe the other guy will respond more positively...Mary Jo

Yes it is.. some want a one and done.. some just didnt like what happened.. some enjoyed the moment.. get over it and move on.. its life!

Swinging well over 24 years and some have been repeats, some not and some we are still friends with benefits to this day..

if you are that insecure on your feelings.. then sorry the swinging lifestyle is not for you.. but good luck.. always make the journey what you want and do not get attached.. its just sex!