Is it really this hard?

I personally think it would be harder for couples with a bi partner or fully bi couples because way more connections need to be occurring than in a threesome or straight swap. I’m bi but I don’t require(which sounds odd that’s like saying I only play with people who perform a certain task) bi play . I have never had an issue when a woman lists as straight. I just go into the meet and greet knowing I only need to connect with the male half and get along with the female half. But still dealing with 4 humans at once who all need to at the very least get along is tricky. For us meet and greets or just reaching out on here is a much better way to make those connections than at a club.

hedo2 - It likely wouldn't matter because it seems 99% of groups get created and nothing ever comes from it. More groups would likely indicicate more swingers in your area, but you already know things are sparse and spread out where you live. You can always try posting Hot Dates. Not saying you'll have much success, but it's free and it never hurts to try.

Wow! 40 Swinglifestyle groups. That's a lot compared to here.

Hedo2forus- I hear you. There is about 40 Swinglifestyle groups in my area, none of them have posted anything for years.

At least you have parties to go to! LOL . In our part of Maine, there's nothing.

Funny, I just posted in another topic with pretty much the same theme, and Yes, it really can be this hard. As @dns4sexxxx mentioned, even at certain parties/clubs now it seems to be getting harder to find people to play with for the reasons they mentioned. Also like them, we prefer a party that allows SMs over one that only allows couples.

"Require bi play" is such a weird thing to say. You all put anything that isn't heteronormative in a separate category that somehow doesn't hold as much weight - and that is exactly what bi erasure is. That is exactly how I know someone's bisexuality is performative and/or a fetish, rather than who the person actually is.

My wife is bisexual regardless of who she is partnered with. That is how bisexuality works.

That is our experience. We now go to clubs that allow single males because it's the only place we can meet other full-swap straight couples. the standard couple/females only spaces are filled with couples looking for unicorns, wife poachers, bi-female play only couples or a combination of all three.

Wow is that new math?

When you are in a dyad, there are three relationships to deal with. Each person has their relationship with themselves, plus your relationship with the other person.

When you have 4 people trying to establish a relationship, the number increases exponentially.

4 individual
12 dyads
4 triads
1 quad

21 total relationships (If I am counting right)

So think how hard it is to maintain your relationship with your SOP.

Multiply that by 7...

While the OP's profile could use some tweaking, it feels like at least some of this may fall into unrealistically high expections for SLS members. SLS does have a good sized network and the thought that getting just about anything out there is going to open the flood gates of LS opportunity. I can remember asking myself this same question in the past, even after being on SLS for a year or more.

It's easy to think that there are so many people out there like them that are looking for others that it simply should not be that hard to find others. Sometimes the planets align and you connect with that couple that you click with out of nowhere and wonder why it was so hard, but then reality sets in again as one cycles through periods of LS feast and famine. Some never get to see a feast mode, but after 10+ years on SLS I realize this is all just the norm for someone limiting themselves to online interaction only unless they are very lucky, or rock stars.

Your profile screams "Karen" with all of the complaining. You need to shore up your profile with more of a description of yourselves rather than your dislikes. Good luck!

Think about it.
How often do you find in the vanilla world someone you get along with at work?
Then, when it happens, how many times do you also like his wife?
Now, if you just want someone to talk to at work or to get together just to watch a movie, you can get along by just avoiding whatever subjects you disagree on.
When you want a match like you are looking for a spouse, it is going to be difficult whether it is for the lifestyle or not.
I am currently playing with a couple. We get along great. I have been out to dinner with them. I know where they live, but I do not know their last names and I have no idea if they gave me their real first names. No idea what their politics are or what religion they are or how they feel about the war in Gaza. Which is probably why we get along great because we have no idea if we disagree on major topics. If I was going to marry his wife, I would need to ask her these questions.
My point is, I agree that you want too narrow of a couple and it will take many years to find them.
Try someone, even single males, that you can tolerate while having sex with and maybe even for a dinner date. Then you can send them home when they become annoying. If nothing else, you can have fun while searching for your perfect couple.

If I do a search for all couples within 50 miles of me that have been on in the last 7 days and are paid members, I get 994. The same search limited to straight/straight couples brings that number down to 214. If not listing as straight/straight is a dealbreaker, you have already substantially eliminated a lot of couples.

As mentioned, couples that have some flavor of bi preference setting can still play straight. A profile "should" tell you if a couple requires bi play and it never hurts to ask if that's not mentioned. Finding people online-only is another very limiting strategy, as has been mentioned.

If you're looking for people that for all intents and purposes have the qualifications of a mate, then that is a very limiting strategy as well. Usually the general idea is to find people you get along with that you have fun with in (and potentially out of) the bedroom with. We usually shoot for FWBs, but that doesn't mean that they have to think like us in every way.

We ourselves have heard from people that we played with that they found it very difficult to find a 4-way connection, even though that we ourselves rarely have issues. As a result, it's hard for me to speculate why that may be the case for you, or anybody for that matter.

In any event, we do most of our playing at LS parties and this gives us both the option of playing with singles or one half of a couple. Limiting your playing to only other couples that play as a couple will also limit your success.

For us, our attitude is that all of this is just recreational sex. If you're looking for more than that, things get harder in proportion to the # of requirements you have for play partners.

Perhaps doing a search for events and party's in St Louis, might help. You could book a room near to where the event is and make a weekend out of it. We live in a very rural part of Maine, everyone know everyone. We put down that we live in a town about 45 miles away in a more populated area, also We had to come to the conclusion that we needed to travel to meet people. One thing I think might help your profile is to have some pictures of the your lady in a few sexy photos. And one of the Mr also. Just my two cents worth, but hope it helps!

I really shouldn't try to post in the forums while Phoebert has something interesting on the TV - I get distracted and someone else phrases it so much better!

And you really don't have to find couples that are 100% straight - you only have to find couples willing to play 100% straight.

Why do both members of another couple have to be 100% straight? Bi ppl of the same sex can restrain themselves. My wife is bi, and we have played with lots of straight/straight couples, bi play not required. You just need to avoid the couples with bi members that require bi play.

Depends.

Attempting to find swinging couples only via SLS is difficult - who know what fantasies people are living out behind their screen & keyboard. And Ron&Kathy are correct - your overly negative profile isn't helping matters. You're profile is less than two months old - barely enough time to learn to sift through the BS and attract others.

You will have much more success if you can attend parties or clubs rather than trying to meet individual couples online.

By the way.. you may want to reach out for some help redoing your profile wording.. to us its a turnoff and nothing really positive.

Once again good luck.

Yes it does take some work , vetting, and well just keep searching. It may help if you add more photos and show what you are about than the one you have on your profile.. also get out to some clubs, meet and greets etc.

It does work .. yes swinging well over 25 years and sometimes its challenging!

If something isn't working ask yourself honestly why? We are constantly getting requests to meet even when we are out of town and change our location.

Good luck and enjoy.

We have been in the LS off and on for over 3 years. We have struggled to find a couple where there is a 4 way connection. Obviously we have standards and won't take one for the team. Finding another couple where everyone is 100% straight has also been a challenge.