Short Jokes

You know back in my day BLOWING A TRANNY meant you were having car TROUBLE .

How many midgets does it... Ooops! Wrong short joke

Did you know that if you hold a squirrel up to your ear, you can hear what it sounds like to be attacked by a squirrel?

son: mom, how come I am black and you are white?

Mom: HEY! don't even go there. After party where I got pregnant, be happy you are not barking.

Did you hear about the guy who didn’t know the difference between Vaseline & putty?

All his windows fell out!

I would eat her (you).

My girlfried is a model from Canada, I swear!!

If fathers have Father's Day, and mothers have Mother's Day, and couples have Valentine's Day. What do single guys have? They have palm Sunday.

When a girl visits you in cold weather. Just remove the W on weather and divide the remaining letters in two equal parts. If you understand, send us a message.

3 OLD LADIES ARE SITTING ON A PARK BENCH WHEN A GUY WALKS UP TO THEM WEARING A TRENCHCOAT ,SUDDENLY OPENS THE COAT TO
REVEAL HE'S NAKED THE FIRST LADY AS A STROKE THE SECOND LADY WAS A STROKE THE THIRD LADY COULD NOT REACH.

What do a BURNT PIZZA ,A FROZEN BEER ,and a PREGNANT LADY have in common?

SOMEONE FORGOT TO PULL OUT

The son of Odin, the God of Thunder appears before a brothel in the middle of the night and pounds on the door until the madam answers.

"I AM MIGHTY THOR," He declares!!

The madam replies, "Tho am I buddy. Tho am I."

A naked man came up to his wife and asked “ do you want to see my clock”
Wife: “ that’s not a clock”
Husband: “ it would be if you put both hands and your face on it”

Remember, a stork might bring you a baby???? but a swallow, never will.

You should never fart in the Apple Store...

....they don't have Windows.

A baby's laughter is one of the most wonderful sounds you'll ever hear.

Unless it's 3AM...

...and you're home alone...

...and you don't have a baby.

A sign in front of a brothel said BEAT IT WERE CLOSED

Does that make a double ended one an us-ie?

Dildos: The original "Selfie-stick"

Dildos: The original "Selfied-stick"

Here's to nipples
Without them titties would be pointless

Why is Santa so jolly?

Because he knows where all the naughty girls live!

Not short, but apropros fot the holiday:

T'was the night before Christmas
And all through the house,
Everybody felt shitty
Even the mouse.

Mom at the whorehouse
And Dad smoking Grass,
I'd just settled down
For a nice piece of ass.

When out on the lawn
I heard such a clatter,
I sprung from my piece
To see what was the matter.

Then out on the lawn
I saw a big dick,
I know in a moment
It must be Saint Nick.

He came down the chimney
Like a bat out of hell,
I knew in a moment
The fucker had fell.

He filled all our stockings
With pretzels and beer,
And a big rubber dick
For my brother, the queer.

He rose up the chimney
With a thunderous fart,
The son of a bitch
Blew the chimney apart.

He swore and he cursed
As he rode out of sight,
Piss on you all
And have a hell of a night.

My girlfriend just found out she's adopted. She's devastated and keeps asking, why didn't they want me? I comforted her a while, still crying, she asked me to make love to her, which led to the more tears. On reflection, banging her from behind and shouting, who's your DADDY was a little insensitive on my part.

Why do men scratch their balls in the morning?

Because they don't have a clitty to rub! ??