Why not the south

Wife and I are both in high visibility professions, her in education, me working for federal Gov't, we think our photos are pretty good, tho blurred/cropped, we also have galleries with unblurred/uncropped photos. We specify our preferences and rules plainly in our profile, age minimums, her lack of attraction/interest in men of color, her lack of interest in ANY level of bi play (hey, we like what we like...) and also NO response to profiles without photos and we politely respond to all stating exactly why we are or are not interested (depending on the tone of the message).

Plausible deniability? Lol!

BT

Looks like others covered all the bases already so we won't feel too bad about hijacking your thread but your reasoning behind not putting up any photo whatsoever because of "your job" is something we find funny. There's no limit to the options available for a photo that won't give you away but still give people an idea what they are working with. We get a kick out of couples where the public gallery has photos of a man who's identity is completely exposed, but the woman in photos is obscured entirely. When asked what the point of that is, we almost always get "well she can't show because of her work". Which leaves us scratching our heads because, wouldn't many people who would recognize who you are also know your wife and therefor would have her identity exposed by association?

Southern,

I can’t improve on what’s already been shared below other than to echo what has been said; Not having a profile photo is likely the cause of a number of your non-responses. Me? I have martini glasses... Granted, one of the three hands in the photo is mine, and the other two belong to a couple who have become friends. My profile photo before that was a selfie of me reclining - from the knees down with my legs extended and crossed, my black lab’s head resting on my shins, and my bare feet visible. Ta da! An acceptable profile pic.

I understand the public job/visibility piece too. Especially here, in a small town-city like New Orleans. Trust me. Oil and gas, medicine, shipping, hospitality, and law...The big 5 employers. Most everyone I know in the LS here is employed in one of these industries. Everyone knows everyone. So, do what you will, but I hope you’ll reconsider your current choice of staying with the blue Gumby man.

Again, good luck,

BT

Agreed, it is easy to put up a pic that says something about you that will not give away who you are. Many of us (us included) are involved in the public and cherish our privacy but realize to be successful on this site you need to have some pics and a positive, interesting profile that piques the interest of those you may be interested in.......it’s big circle.
Many times we do not respond to an e mail simply because the profile doesn’t intrigue us at all.

It is not that I do not get some play time with others. I think this post was taken the wrong way. With my job being public I do not think putting a pic up on my profile is a good idea. The jest of the post was more to talk about no replies to mail. Rejection is no big deal, not everyone wants to play with everyone just because they are in the lifestyle. I just think a no thanks or not now maybe later would be nice.

OP,

New Orleans is a Mecca for play, but as has been mentioned previously, if the technique you’re using to meet people isn’t working, you need to change it. You also need to understand that SLS ...and in particular, the active forum posters, represent only a very small percentage of the lifestyle community. Minuscule, actually. So, while this can be a great resource for educating yourself, meeting people virtually, and building your “brand” via your posts, it ain’t the be all to end all.

A few more thoughts- Think about uploading a default profile pic, and then, go down to the Successful Swinging forum section and offer up your profile for critique. Begin there.

Then, think about avoiding our local club unless you’re attending with a SF or Couple. You’re right; It’s cliquish at times, and honestly, I’ve NEVER attended solo. Instead, think about signing up for, and attending a party at Veronica’s Villa or one of the many other non-club events that happen each month. Consider tracking down Bob & Tess, (they have a profile here) who run Naughty n New Orleans each July, and ask if they’re hosting or know of any upcoming meet and greets. You have to put yourself out there, but with the right target audience. The Fri night crowd at Colette isn’t it. Maybe look at W/Thurs nights, see who has signed up, and if their profiles mention an interest in SMs in your age bracket, email them to introduce yourself. Meeting in advance outside the club, for a drink isn’t a bad icebreaker.

Anyway, just a few of my ramblings this fine Thursday morning.

Good luck,

BT

I don't like to answer if I'm not interested at the moment. One, not really into rejecting people. Two, a lot of people aren't really rejected, just more like not right now as opposed to not ever. Sending someone an email saying no seems to give it finality that I'm not sure it has. OTOH not into hopelessly encouraging people to keep messaging us.

The fact is, if someone isn't having the success that they desire, then they need to change their approach. Period. Blaming others by ranting about "no one answers emails" or "people at the clubs are cliquish" or "The South doesn't have any lifestylers" etc is just a bullshit excuse. YOU are in control of your success or failure. No one else.

Rewrite your profile, upgrade your wardrobe, get involved in new vanilla activities, go to LS clubs, get to the gym, upload new photos etc. There's a gazillion things that you can change to alter your approach. Some will be successful, some won't. But slamming the wall with the same approach that you already know doesn't pay off isn't going to do you any favors.

OpenCouple is right. No answer IS an answer. If someone wrote and said you are "dog ass ugly", you would be livid and outraged and not viewing it as "at least it's a response".

GGMM is also correct. You've been a member of the site for 15 YEARS and still have no pictures uploaded, two certs (from 8 and 15 years ago), and a profile that is difficult to read and slanted toward the negative side.

Cliques? Just because people enjoy hanging out with others they are comfortable with and like being around doesn't mean they deserve the negative connotation that the word cliques implies.

There are plenty of people, in the South, that are into the lifestyle. Sometimes it takes a little bit of an effort on the part of someone to find others rather than bemoaning that no one is available or making the effort to 'sell' one's personal goods.

No reply is one very clear way to say no, which is why I'm always baffled that people get so bent about it. I mean, yes, I answer nearly every email (sometimes I give myself a pass on the really stupid ones), but saying no has never bothered me.

I'm not going to give you a profile review, because you didn't ask for one and that would just be rude, but you could up your response rate a few percentage points by removing the negativity, adding some attractive photos and talking to your doctor about testosterone supplementation and/or ED drugs. Or you could do nothing and continue to let your frustration spill over in a way that will not get you laid.

No reply, is a reply. It happens to everyone. Why do you have to get a rejection response, no one takes it well no matter how many times they say they do. How many do you think follow up with a why not response, or I can change your mind. I can tell you, it happens a lot.

Most of the people on these forums are 500 miles or more from the deep south. I have been to swing clubs here and know there are lots of lifestyle people here. Most are in clicks and do not stray from that close net of friends. Getting someone to answer an e-mail is another thing please at least say no thanks, not what we are looking for or even you are dog ass ugly is better than no reply at all. When we were a couple we had lots of mail and at least gave an answer if just to say no thanks. We met people a few times that did not make it to the bedroom as I am sure all have. Ok that's my rant I would like to hear what people from our neck of the woods and others have to say.