Going behind someone's back

OMG for once I have to agree with the PROPHET !!! ( somebody help me ). BUT we do tend to stay away from ( supposed ) singles, or cheating spouses.
We DO NOT want someone banging down our door wondering where their spouse is.
We had one SF tell us that she had a hall pass from her hubby, who was in Washington state, while she was on business near us.Now even though he was far away, my intuition told me different. Because she said he was coming out to be with her a few days, we asked if they wanted to get together then and she accidentally blurted out NOOOOO HE DOES NOT KNOW ABOUT THIS !!!! AHHHHH HAAAA BIG opppss on her part. Then she tried to back peddle so it was later gator.. DON'T WANT NO PART OF THE NOISE.
XOXO Rosie

We do this for fun. Sneaking around with a cheater doesn't seem like it would be much fun.

We try to avoid drama. That being said, we are not responsible for the actions of other adults.

That is one thing we hate about the lifestyle. We don't want to make friends and have to deal with other peoples problems. We want to meet people that just want to enjoy some good causal sex and then says that was really fun see you next time we are in town or at the party.

We don't have time for all of our long term vanilla friends never mind having to make new ones every time we want full swap play.

For us, we avoid cheaters for many of the reasons listed. Sorillo's answer is closest to ours, not so much judgment of others, but self preservation. There are way more people out there we would like to play with than time or opportunity allow, so why use one of our "playtime evenings" with someone who has the potential to bring lot's of drama & headache later?

To answer the OP first question as to how common it is to find yourself in this situation. We find that it is pretty common.

Even more common is a SF profile who, at the last minute, wants to introduce you to their husband.

I love it when he talks Latin! I don't understand it...but I love it. ;^)

In an earlier version of my profile, I employed the Latin phrase, primum non nocere, describing it as the Swinger's Oath; First, do no harm. (Heck, it could still be in my profile, but I can't recall, and it's really too damn long to read)

I'm a firm believer in karma, which means, yes, I have turned down a sure thing or two based on someone's deceitfulness

I've also worked hard my entire life to cultivate a mindset of abundance vs scarcity. So, I tend not to lament any decisions I've ever made to take a pass.

However, I also believe in the expression, to each their own.

BT

It's not really a matter of judging the personal lives of others (although to be fair, there's an element of that). The most important thing from my perspective is self-preservation. I'm hopelessly selfish in that I like my kidneys right where they belong. :)

Obviously, I'm being flip. But all kinds of bad bad stuff can happen out there, even if it's just what we all call "drama", and avoiding the most blatant of liars reduces the chances of having to deal with it. No guarantees of course, it's just a way of playing the percentages.

The question was great and all the answers are valid. True, fun is fun but, there is always a but.. is it a set-up?
When we get together with friends, enjoy lunch or dinner, some drinks, lots of laughter, it seems like building a friendship becomes important to reach an awesomely enjoyable destination. To walk away feeling good until next time is a great feeling. Is that possible when you find that your friends were not what you expected. After all, you may not be looking for love but when you end-up between a gorgeous lady’s legs or your wife is enjoying some good cock, don’t forget that you are either giving your best or receiving someone’s best. So, how important is it to trust??

Were is Fun_Ahoy when we need him?

1 unicorn in our bed is worth 2 with integrity

"If they're willing to lie and deceive their spouse/significant other, someone they supposedly care about, how can you believe anything they tell you?"

You can't. And I'd actually just assume they lied all the time. So, while I understand that others make different choices, I view the lying cheaters as being high risk. Sort of like they have social herpes and it's a bit of a crapshoot as to whether they'd be infectious at any given moment.

Also, I actually need both of my kidneys. Which I never worried about until sorillo mentioned the possibility, so thanks for that.

I'd really like to give my opinion on this, but I'm afraid l'my gonna have wait and see how the Viscount de la Vegas stands on the matter. ;^/

Knock on wood, luckily that hasn't happened to us. Sucks for you that they couldn't handle their business. Fun is fun. Were not hunting for them but if it falls in our lap and wiggles, well.... game on.

"Look at it this way. If they're willing to lie and deceive their spouse/significant other, someone they supposedly care about, how can you believe anything they tell you? "

Can you believe anything anyone tells you? I remember a while back a SM said he would say whatever it took to get laid. I believe his quote was "Pussy can only be given, not taken back" Where is the line that separates an acceptable lie from an unacceptable one?

For us, we are not the ones cheating, nor are we the ones lying, our attitude is, "Not my monkey, Not my circus"

Look at it this way. If they're willing to lie and deceive their spouse/significant other, someone they supposedly care about, how can you believe anything they tell you?

"Oh, no. I'm totally not going to roofie you, take lots of incriminating photos, clean out your wallet and leave you in a hotel tub full of ice, with a fresh scar on your side and a note saying 'Thanks for the kidney!' Totally not going to do that. You can trust me."

Not for me.

For the old days when swinging was couples only and everyone was having a fun time being naked and fucking at the fuckfest. Everything was so much simpler then.

Unhappily Married, I'm getting married next week and wanna have one night of fun, I got married last month and I regret it, I'm recently divorced and have always found you attractive, I'm on vacation alone, He beat my ass last night, I caught him cheating. I don't wanna go all the way with my new Christian boyfriend (That was my personal favorite). We have heard it all, and turned away none.

I've run into a fair number of cheaters and when I've known about it, I've taken a pass. There was one woman I was quite smitten with until she wanted me to lie to her husband about where we met (swing club) and how well we knew each other (quite well). I decided it wasn't important to figure out whether I was more pissed about her lies or her easy assumption that I'd lie too.

I might not have any responsibility to the partner being cheated on, but I don't want to play with people who have no integrity. There are too many good ones to waste time on that.

That would depend on you. If you two have an agreement to only see committed couples, then the answer is no play. However, if you are seeking nsa fun, then the responsibility to protect the male half from her "cheating", is on her, and if your moral compass won't allow you to enjoy the greatest pleasure life has to offer, well sir, or ma'am, you two are much stronger than us...

We ran into a situation and curious if it is common, and how most of you deal with it. We had been chatting with a single female and there were some red flags along the way, but we decided to meet up for drinks to see where things could lead. All was going great, but then we find out she has someone else in her life that she is leaving out of this. She was very interested in a threesome and being with a girl for the first time, but apparently her boyfriend was not on board with it, so she wanted to do all of this behind his back. We politely and unfortunately declined moving things further until she was single, or at least had his ok. We got to thinking how common is this, how do most handle it, etc?