"Some of the things we have read say to go to clubs others say to stay away from them and we are both confused."
I've seen any number of DPs and DVPs in clubs. The last time I was offered one (that would be a no) was in January at a club. I always recommend clubs, even if you just play with each other, as well as meet and greets (purely social events), over on-line. However, if you are easily overwhelmed, sometimes it's just easier to go the on-line route.
Allen is right about needing to resolve the conflict between wanting something that requires penetration while your profile says you're soft swap.