#81-A year in sex clubs: Reflecting on DTF Tanya's journey one year later

Transcript

Speaker1: Hey everybody, it is Trina Unicorn and Miss DTF Tanya. Hello. Hello. We are recording this post one year update, meaning that you joined this lifestyle and became my friend almost exactly a year ago. That is correct. We are filming from the Trina Unicorn layer, right? This is where I shoot all my advice videos and the story types and stuff. So it's kind of nice to be able to do this in person because we're going to Oasis tonight, right? Yes, we are. So we got a double header. So... Well, for you, yeah, because you've been a busy woman already, and it's only, what, 7 p.m., so the night is young, but the night is very, the day is old. So, yeah, so what she's alluding to is that she's basically had sex with somebody today, right? Yes. Right, and now she's coming to hang out with me, and then she's going to the sex club. So, for anyone who thinks that women going to sex clubs are the ones that can't get fucked, that's not true. It's just people who've literally fucked for lunch, And now they're going for dinner. Like, it's just, it's just for me, that's a little mind-boggling. But like, for my friends, it is completely their norm. So yes, you're a busy woman. But what we wanted to do is basically reminisce in a way on a year's journey in the lifestyle. And for anyone who's curious, I did an interview with Tanya, episode 65 of Sex and Swinging. And that was basically a few days after I met you. Yes, a day and a half. Right. Yes, yes. Like maybe you had just got like the cum washed off your body, but barely. And then you checked in. So I had just met you. We had had a really cool first experience hanging out together, which is I helped you have your first gangbang at a ways to stop the line of sex club, right? It was your first time going to the sex club too, right? It was my very first time in anything in the lifestyle or any club at all. So yes, first all over the place. So a year ago, after a few months of getting ready for something new, You took a giant chance as a 54-year-old woman. That's right. And you could get the back story in episode 65 so that we don't have to go through it all here. But you joined this lifestyle guns a-blazin', right? Yes. I came in hot. Yes. Very hot. Yes. And arrived. Yes. And for me, it was very welcome because you didn't know. Well, me and you had our first hangout. And then suddenly I went through. an emotional breakup with someone like a breakup and suddenly you were my outlet to have fun and I was like oh Tanya I'm so glad that we met because it kept me alive and it kept me with purpose going to these clubs even if I was struggling with some grief yes and I remember you struggling with that and very appreciative of and I could pick up that you know at least for a short time that we hung out we did connect that first night before things kind of went you know shit you know that way you know for lack of a better word. And then we built a friendship on that. And I was able to at least be, I picked up that I was kind of an outlet for you to escape everything and had fun. And you were definitely there, you know, guiding me, you know, showing me the way. And I was like a sponge just taking it all in. Yeah. Yeah. So it was very good timing for me. And it must have been weird as somebody who was a fan and consumer of my content to see me suddenly have a breakup podcast. instead of like a sex club vlog like yeah I went through a few months of time where I didn't really make content for YouTube instead I went and made this big passion project uh life hack your breakup and so that was something I I did when I was very new to you so keep in mind I was struggling in my personal life yes and I I I think uh just from our friendship and just who I am I and actually as part of being this lifestyle you actually pick up those vibes and that energy and I knew and you did share with me it was a really new friendship. You know, it could have been make it or break it. It could have been this way or that way. But I felt that I could at least support you. I didn't know you very well, but I could feel for you. And actually, your episodes that you actually did was helpful for me to process, not necessarily a breakout, but just because you can use those life skills for any situation. And I felt a real connection to that. So even though you were going through that, I actually got benefited of that as well as, you know, entering the lifestyle as well. And, you know, just to support you because I could feel it and I could hear it when we would talk or text or whatever. So, you know, and so I was treading lightly and I was, you know, just kind of finding my way and not, I'm not, I wasn't hammering. I was just taking tiny little baby steps, you know, which was probably good. Yeah. Yeah. So for me, it was very, it was a wonderful timing for you to fall into my life that way. So that's my side of it. And again, I also have a episode number 66 on sex and swinging where I do a debrief after the first hangout and the first time I helped run a gangbang for Tanya the night I met her. And I talk about how meaningful it was to me. But you can get that information in that episode. I listened to it again today. I think you said you did as well. I did. I listened to a girl who was afraid of the word slut. Remember that? Oh, do I ever. Do I ever. And now, I fully embrace it. Do you? Totally. I actually, yes, we're going to start here. Yes, that when I heard one of the guys actually say, or you actually say, I actually, I had a physical reaction when I heard the word, which was visible. And it was just like, you're uncomfortable with that word. And I'm like, yeah, I kind of am. My generation, that word. And I was called it a lot in a derogatory way. Right. A year later, well, you know, I've embraced it several months ago and I what I say now is that I was happily a slut then and I just it just kind of went dormant for a while and now she's back well not back she's more out there so yeah but I do I do remember that first and then I was just like okay I and I don't think I could actually it brought up memories of being called a slut in a bad way right you know and you know how girls can you know be a mainstream So yeah, so that, that was a big thing for me that night, a big thing for me to kind of go, you know, yeah. And it's funny enough, not that I'm going to keep comparing myself all night, but I also did not like the word slut before when I came into this lifestyle for myself. Yeah. But something else fine, but don't call me that. Oh, uh, yeah. You, um, yeah. I've been phrased, uh, saying that I do have an inner slut and I do enjoy that. And I do quite enjoy, as I've explored to be called that, called a whore. Dirty sloth, filthy slut, be my slut, good girl. I have just taken that all in and I just thrive as soon as I hear it. Which is complete from that first night when I twitched. So that's proof that deconditioning can happen. You can decide after some exposure to different ideas that maybe it's okay to actually be a slut and embrace it. I know you and a lot of my friends, are the same. So I thought that was interesting that back then that was something that you brought up in the experience. I also remember that there was a man in a ski mask that joined your gangbang-ish situation. And I remember in that moment sitting there as your orgy director thinking, I think she's going to be okay, but I don't know for sure. And what if you're sucking some dyes dicks and you just happen to look up and a man with a ski mask is looking down at you maybe that wouldn't have gone over well what if you got triggered what if you thought oh my god like this is like i you know a triggered a bad memory like there's so many ways that could have been terrible it could have been terrible yes and we say that with you know a little bit of laughter but those are the things and we have just met like 90 minutes before next thing i know yeah not next thing but it was just like and then it's like what do i say i don't know And I just remember, I laughed when I watched that this morning. I'm like, it was a mask from COVID, like a hospital mask when you said that. No. And I was like, what? I've seen that before, though. I know. But I was like, that's how new I was. And I was like, why is she asking in a split second? And why am I having to stop sucking this guy to talk about a mask? Yeah. And then when I I realized I was like, oh, you just want to double check those things. I don't interrupt sex for a lot. No, but that, yeah. I'm glad that you were okay with it because I don't necessarily feel like I would be okay with that. Maybe it would just turn my fantasy into something I didn't want. Yeah. So that's, I'm just glad that we all had consent. Okay. And the guy in the mask was very understanding as well that you needed to weigh in. Yeah. Which I understood. And for anyone who doesn't know, there's like a submissive purpose sometimes. to wearing a mask like this. I, I believe my take my little psychology, you know, you know, analysis is to dehumanize ourselves to be used even deeper because there is something really, um, I've seen it. I've tasted it. It's not fully who I am, but I've seen the bliss and the pull of being a submissive and that feeling and what that does. It's like subspace. It's just like a fucking spiritual orgasm. Like it is just incredible if you're into submissive to go farther. Right. So interesting you say that because a year later, is that something that I'm going to explore from, you know, that from that first? A mask? You're going to get a mask? I don't know. Oh, my gosh. I think I have one. Do you want to put it on? Let's try it on. I mean, you say submissive. I kind of am that, you know. Right. I mean, the blindfold, right? You know, you lose your. Right. So, yeah. So interesting from what happened that first night to a year later. I'm looking at it in a different way. Yeah. And there's lots of comparisons. But I think for one thing, you went in there with basically a goal of getting massively fucked by a bunch of guys. Yes. Now, when you go to a DTF night, you have a different order. What is that order? Yeah, my order is slightly different. I think we did touch a base on that. To me, I mean, it was great. Multiple Men, that was fantastic. That's what I was looking for and got that. But then as I started to explore a little bit more, I was like, I like Multiple Men. but two at a time because I think we did try a variation of three and there's logistics and there's different variables there but I found that and I know what I like and I know and now that I understand that I am a submissive I do feel with I look for dominant men and I can actually pick that up you know believe it or not sometimes yeah it's evident sometimes you just have to look for it a little bit closer And so kind of invite two men in at a time, but rinse and repeat. So maybe get that multiple men, but not all at the same time. So not a train, not a, you know, all over, two at a time, one back, one in the front, and just kind of switch out for the next one, but only ever two at a time. Yeah, and that has worked very well. And you actually get to build a connection with the men prior to versus how it was done the first time, where it's literally I just didn't want to put it in any hole right yeah sometimes right you know it kind of is a little bit different and I've gotten a lot of more pleasure from that and experience with that and that's what currently I've been doing right yeah and you also like you have a type now compared to an indiscriminate type so you technically want to have a maybe a couple words with them but you also have learned that you have a certain aesthetic yeah right so it's just everyone has their own And frankly, they change over time. But the update is that you don't go in and just take a bunch of strangers anymore. No. And it's interesting. I do kind of, you know, and I think I demonstrated that for a reason. It's not new to me, but maybe new to actually seeing me do it. I do kind of, I think, and I actually was having a conversation with a friend about this the other day. It's like, I like what I knew and what my first polysexual experiences were and what was available to me. Let's just put it that way, right? You know, I do still like a certain type. There's a certain look. Like if you actually, anyone that knows me knows kind of where my eye goes to. However, there is a little other percentage of different type of men that do actually attract me as well. And it's very specific. And if I see that, I'm like, my head turns and I'm totally to that. And it's a little bit opposite of my norm. But I like all men. But there's just, you know, I'm looking for an experience and it's not just a, you know, I want to have all that connection, you know, as much as you can. I'm not sure amount of time. Yeah. Yeah, it's true. And it just goes to show that you in this lifestyle for a year in, you learn how to order up what you want. You know what you want now in sex. You've learned, oh, two at a time is hot. Three at a time is just exhausting and, you know, inefficient, frankly, because like who wants to give a handy while you're giving your best hand? I mean, I don't think I could, if you're not watching this, it's because you're not on my Spotify. Spotify video is free, by the way, if you're listening to this on a podcast, any other podcast app, you are losing that dimension of watching and observing me and Tanya. Tanya will be unblurred on my OnlyFans page, and you have your own OnlyFans page. I do have my own OnlyFans, which was back from a year ago as well, but it's now verified, and I do have my own, and I do post. You have fans, too. I have fans. I have double-digit fans. Right. I have double-digit, but when I I got to 10. I was like, oh, double digits. Right. Yeah. But I mean, each come along, you know, it keeps improving as well. Yeah. The number of the number of subscribers. And that's pretty cool. So that's also something different from a year ago. But let's just say so you came in a year ago, you had your first big experience gangbang, we became friends. And then you kept coming back all year. Yes. What has that journey been like? And what have you learned about yourself? What have I learned about myself? I think I I have I've learned a lot about myself I've always kind of self reflected and kind of you know try to improve I own my own shit I know all my we all have baggage we all have I'm very upfront with that I I know where my downfalls are I you know so I I bring that to the table so I'm very I'm very open about that so for me it's what I've learned that I'm actually not an introvert anymore I will say that because that was always part of my identity that I was Yeah, no, I don't actually want to go around the people. I'm quite fine, happy by myself. No, sitting at home, you know, and not that I was unhappy. I just wasn't living the life that I didn't know that was out there. And when it was shown to me, it was like, this is where and from that first night, I felt at peace at home. I was like, okay, I can actually let this out. You know, it's been a progress. Not difficult, just kind of, you know, finding my way. right you know what do I like what I don't like talking to people you know meeting people you know conversing with people you know what do I share you know being vulnerable that's a big thing as well um and showing your vulnerability that you know that's been something so yeah so a lot that's just kind of on the uh emotional side of it things with emotional and psychological side of it um but I've also uh learned that um I'm actually quite kind of open to you know talking to people finding out things listening to people and their stories. And I'm actually interested in actually meeting people. And I've met a lot of interesting people. I've had a lot of good experiences. Some people have come into my life for a short amount of times. Others have been here, you know, for now and will be for the long haul. As they say, a reason, a season, or a lifetime, right? And I live by those words. And I also have been quite regular coming into because obviously I don't live here. I'm coming to the club and making part of it and immersing myself, right? You know, I'm just, you know, taking it all in because I'm having a blast. I'm having a great time. Yeah. You know, yeah. How many gangbangs have you had, do you think, in total? Gangbangs. Oh, so if we talk about a true gangbang, I think we did it the first two weeks apart. The first one and then the two weeks later. Yeah. Right. And then the ones with multiple. Oh, God. I know you probably counted. Well, we could just look behind us except that's a little dated. We don't have the one up yet that has Tanya's arrival. These are my thumbnails of all my YouTube videos in order of date. That is art on my wall. I say six. Yes. You think six? There was one video where you had two gangbangs in a night. So are we counting that? Because that's two. We are counting. So three. So that's three. Okay. Are we counting Bukkake circles? Because you've done those two. All the Bukkake circles. Oh my God. Oh my God. Did you like fukaki? I did. The second, the first one, I still remember. It's like, I don't think we really thought, what happened, Tanya? It's like, because some guy says, why don't you just want to demand him? Oh, that's right. He just started fucking you. Yeah, and it's like, and I know you're like, but, and I'm like, and then afterwards, it's like, how did that happen? I said, because he told me to do something, and I did it. Keep hand on Tanya's head, so she stays on her knees, so she can continue. So funny. It was funny. I laugh, but it just goes to show. Like, are you okay if he's fucking you, Tanya? You're like, uh-huh. I'm like, okay. That's not quite bukkake on your knees, but okay. I know. I mean, but it was a great experience. Yeah. It was actually a really fun night, actually. Yeah. And then the second one. But I'm ready for it to do it again, though. I'm, you know. Are you itching for another spit roast on repeat? Spit roast on repeat, yes, for sure. That's your new order. It's No, it's not a gangbang. No, it's not. It is. Or male, female, male. One in the front, one in the back, meaning pussy, not ass. Even if you're lost, you can ask for directions before you just stick things in holes. I've seen the guys. Like, this is, if you're not watching my face, you're missing out. They're literally just looking forward and poke, waiting for just a hole to open. Like, they don't know where the fuck they are. Sometimes I can tell. So anyways, I've seen I have a lot of your sex I have had a great time helping you have your Bon Jovi playlists during your bukkake like we made fantasies come true that was amazing because when you said what when you first asked me that first night what do you want I I still actually have the list from the hotel room of the things that I wanted and I looked at it about a week ago and I went who wrote this because I yeah but that was big dreaming for me now it's like oh I've done But then I've added this and this and this. It's like, oh. And then turn it over. We got more to add. Yes. Yes. Yeah. So when you asked, so when, when decided to do book hockey for me, it was like music is a big part. I cannot, I, I like to have music in the background and, and it not necessarily, you know. It's a good point. When you're at home, it's nice to be like. Yeah. And I like my music. I like it. Yeah. I, I, everything that I like is very edgy, harsh, hard. Fast, you know, yeah, so the music is just the same. So, yeah, it, so for me, it was like, I need, so I created a playlist, and of course Bon Jovi's in there, of course. Yeah, and you've got Bon Jovi tattoos on you. You've got a lot more tattoos and piercings than you did a year ago. Yeah, so I had three tattoos at the beginning, and I'm now up to seven, with the eighth one being planned for in the fall, and there's not as much, yeah, so. And can people see pictures of this on your OnlyFans page? Yes, they certainly can. They can see all of them. Even the boobie one? The boobie one and the other one as well. You can get links in the description of this podcast or you can go to my website, charanayunicorn.com and you can get links there. And if you guess where that other one is or if you spot it, spot on. You get a gold star. Yeah, it's like, yeah. So when you, if you look back on that nervous, maybe you weren't that nervous, but walking in. Yeah, and I don't think I was actually nervous. And when I rewatched, I mean, and we've talked about it and I've alluded to it, so there was the journey into the lifestyle, but I was also dealing with another journey outside of this in mainstream or vanilla life that kind of played into it. Not necessarily all bad. The good from it is that, and it was, I would say vanilla, but was very instrumental in pointing me in the right direction. However, just to sum it all up before I, It's maybe not necessarily coming along with the journey. And with me, more trying to, you know, you pointed me in the right direction, but he wasn't coming along. And it was friends with, like only, like no relationship whatsoever. But there was a bond there. And for me to kind of work through that and realize, maybe you don't actually have my best interest because I'm having all these great experiences with people that I'm just meeting, very positive, very open, very respectful. and then leave that environment, then go back to home, and then have this other layer. So I, you probably picked up I was nervous. I was still a little bit rattled because things were happening almost simultaneously at the same time. So I'm at the sex club, but I'm getting these text messages, I'm getting these messages. Interesting. Yeah, so, you know, I mean, we were new. I mean, what was I going to share? I mean, I didn't even know, and it took me several months to finally, you know, And I realized that further I went this way, you know, not coming along on the journey with me. Not in a bad way, like I don't want, but it wasn't healthy, right? So I had to make a decision and say, you know, kick rocks, as they say, you know, and it did take a few times to do that. So that nervousness was more my hesitation because my head was spinning, like, you know, quite a bit, processing everything that I was doing, and then having that in addition makes sense yeah so there was there was collision there and i was just trying to you know keep keep things you know we're also multifaceted and i think that's one of the things that i know that you and i have enjoyed about this journey is that we treat the men very humanely with respect you know we're not using these people as her dicks right we're using them and so we understand we were both dealing with our own stuff outside of our positive fun you know lifestyle energy and i think a lot of these guys are too and i think that's That's why I love the fact that we work well with the men. Even if you're not interested, we both know how to be respectful and guide that conversation, right? So that's been good. It has been good. And I think rewatching that, there was one sentence in there where you kind of said that same thing. And it was very much, you know, it was, I got what I wanted. That high intensity, that massive amount of testosterone that I just thrive on. And you, you know, directing all that and me being able to just get into that. space without having to worry about do you have a condom on can you take your shirt off please take your shirt off all i'm gonna say there's nothing worse than holding the shirt up or it's dangling down fascinating yeah and it's like and i have well if i know i will say can you i'll stop can you please take i have no idea or you just put it up over your neck. I don't want it dangling in my face. I don't want your hand. I want both your hands on my head. I want you to go. So if you're holding, if you're holding your shirt up, you don't have a hand for you. There you go. Right? Yeah. The sex things is a big thing for me too, but doesn't affect me as much as the t-shirt. And I shouldn't just say t-shirt, any shirt, you know. It's like, take the goddamn fucking thing off. Funny. Okay, so if you could go back and give Tanya advice, the one that walked into a sex club of a well-planned You knew it was DTF, down to fuck. You knew you might see me there. You were ready to take a bunch of men. What advice would you give the young, new Tanya compared to the one that has a year of experience? Oh, the new Tanya. That's a really, it's an excellent question. It's hard for me because I had this other sub layer. For me, I would have been maybe just kind of let some of that other stuff go, which is hard, right? It is hard. It is hard, right? You know, it didn't take away from it, but it's always just kind of was there and it was gnawing at me. I was, you know, getting, you know, messages, you know, maybe, well, it would have been the next day, you know, and just hammering me with questions. I was processing, right? So, you know, it's hard for me to answer that. I think I went in with a pretty, I'm a pretty organized individual, you know, and I kind of, you know, if I'm going to do something, I kind of look into it. how I found you, you know, your channel. Don't go to DTF on your first night, but what does Tanya do? I mean, there's a person who's like, nope, I'm ready for DTF, and I'm doing it. Like, that's fine. If you're ready, by all means. But did I know? I mean, I knew, but I'm not saying, and I can send it to everything, but it was just like, I think that is what I actually needed at that time, because interestingly enough, some of the things that I, on that list that I had, I would say I don't actually need. So I needed, just to complete that thought, I needed that hard fuck, I don't care who you are, I don't need to know your name, I don't want to know your name, I just, that's what I needed at that time, face down, ass up, give it to me, and I wanted to take it, and do that, and I think, I don't know if I could articulate that at that time, but I knew that, I was very specific at that, but you know, things, fast forward now, is different, right? You're just much more easy to know how to communicate what you want, what you're looking for, And that's great, because at the beginning, it was all such a big, exciting, you know, opportunity. Yeah. And you've learned you've had is there any like mistakes that you've made along the way or things that you wish you could have you would have done differently? Yeah, I mean, there have been, you know, a few things here and there. I mean, but I but I don't want to say that I wouldn't want them having because it makes me who I am now. Right. Right. I mean, I had, you know, a brief time trying, you know, to maybe do this, you know, open relationship with someone. and ended up, you know, going very bad very quickly. You know, there were a lot of things, and so I want to say that I learned, and that's kind of what I said at the beginning. I am very aware of myself, and I'm very aware of what I want. If I don't know, I'll ask. I know I ask some questions. I mean, we would all be talking at the beginning, and you'd be talking to someone, and I'd be going, wait, just stop, just stop, time out for a minute, because I wasn't quite getting it. So I would ask questions, and you know, and you were all, I'm very good with that with that so yeah I I I think I probably maybe for myself maybe just to be a little bit more relaxed but I don't know if I could actually do that because there was situations why it was causing me to be that way and you can't shake you know it you could try right like I'm pretty good at putting that guard off but you know it's still there right you know okay that's fair um you also got some great new girlfriends out of this lifestyle yes I got some amazing friends that I've made I mean from you obviously from that first night as well and just slowly introduced you to everyone else and yeah very we may not spend a lot of time outside when we're actually together but there is that real that connection there that if you need anything put something out there you know if you need and to build that friendship and it's actually you know fast forward to now it's it's I think I'm just I'm very more open to make friends, because maybe before I wasn't making friends, right? You know, and it's like, where do I go to make friends? I'm sitting on my couch, I don't make friends here. It's so hard, especially if you're not in a structured activity outside of your home. Right, yeah. So for me to, you know, in that first night walking actually in, and I say I was probably nervous walking into the building, but I don't actually think I actually was. I wasn't feeling angst. I wasn't feeling anything. It was just like, I think I'm very focused on what I'm doing. I'm doing you know you didn't look hesitant at all no and it's like and that's just kind of who I am in my my life like because I've had to you know look after myself you know and get shit done because I'd be looking around there ain't no one around so someone's got to do right and that's just maybe a generational and I mean it's not a bad quality but so for me it was like well I'm gonna do this I did all my homework you know and it's like okay I always knew that if this was not for me I always knew that I could say, no, this is not. And I could, you know, leave it from the moment, right from the get-go. And I'll say it again. I think I felt kind of just this is what I didn't know that I was actually missing. And here it was. And so it was a very, you know, a very warm welcome, you know, too. And a year in, you still feel that way. I definitely do. I definitely do. I mean, I quite enjoy when we go out. we go to the club not maybe we maybe you know feast or famine an episode where no one no one got fucked none of my girlfriends got fucked that night even though some were very DTF so yes I'll put a link to that in the description as well but you still had a good night even though no yeah and sometimes it is actually just that you know because you know it's not oh it's not that I'm coming to the club to have sex it's you know that's I kind of had to use that as the venue to meet people and figure out you know all the different, you know, I mean, am I allowed to say fat life? I don't know if I'm allowed to say that. Yeah. You know, I created a profile and that was actually the day before. I did that on the 5th of August. My first day at Oasis was the 6th. And that is something that I actually quite enjoy. The exhibitionist part of me, which we haven't really touched base on either. I, this person that was, you know, in the background said to me, you're an exhibitionist. I said, what the fuck are you talking about? Like, I literally said, you don't know what the fuck you're talking about. Right. I may have had to eat those. you know interesting so you've learned over the course of the year that you are a sexual exhibitionist you like people watching i like people watching and interestingly enough i because i'm also a submissive i'm actually in that space i actually don't quite realize that like i there's no thought process to me i just don't i it's okay if everyone's right i'm very comfortable with that right you know what you're saying is because i've done this my very first threesome at the sex club was my first time having sex in front of people too. And I did not, none of the people watching occurred to me until sex was over. Right. Like that is not, you know, and that's what that connection, that vibe and that energy is. And that's why doing this spit roast is actually really good because you've actually built that connection beforehand instead of just walking up the stairs and having a line of guys, you know, all, you know, vying to be there. It, it, to me, interesting that first night I was like, you know, we did talk about it. It's like, but I can't, well, I said I can't take them all. I didn't take them all. But what about the ones that don't? Like that thought crossed my mind. What about the ones that don't? The guys that maybe didn't get a chance to, you know, right? You know, it's like, you know, that was the top. I just like to think of people, you know, what they're feeling. Yeah. Yeah. And that's the thing is like having empathy for people and especially newbies, right? People who are new to the club. You've got to know that when someone says they're new, people are going to take it a bit. easy on you right they're gonna just make you feel a little welcome before they you know move on yeah um so it's not a bad thing to admit you're new um especially because it'll be a conversation starter if nothing else it is and that's interesting because that's something that i actually do i still feel that i'm still relatively new because i'm still learning but when i go out i'll say oh is this your first time like and i've learned how to have those conversations because people like to talk about themselves whatever episode that was people just ask people to start a conversation because that's something i had to learn it's like you know i mean i can talk obviously but you know to ask questions and write good questions right yeah to really to to pick up on that so and what's it been like uh like we're just going to finish up soon but what has it been like being on my youtube channel um as somebody who's not only embraced on this new lifestyle but doing it in a very publicly uh sharing way what is that like for you yeah that um that's been that's a something that has actually been interesting as well so on your youtube my face was blurred i mean you could see other parts of me as well, you know, and then I started to get tattoos, you know, and I wasn't, you know, hiding those, I wasn't, like, putting a sweat on, and so it's been a progression. I'm, oh, I'm okay with it, you know, I've, you know, we've, I mean, I know that when we're out, you'll say, oh, you're, you know, I watch your channel, and I know the joy that you get from that, and it's also being part of that as well, and meet, you know, meeting people, and then I've just slowly saying, let's, I'm blurring my Yeah, you even suggested YouTube unblurring your face, right? Yeah. And I made you think about it for a few months still. So it's a year in. If you are still adamant about showing your face and you sign a new release form, then you're welcome to. Yeah, so I've done so. The OnlyFans, I mean, what you post on there verified and all that. That's one thing that's a controlled environment. It is a controlled environment. So yeah, so when I first said that to you, my first thought was YouTube. But of course, you with all the things that you do, And so, yeah, so, but even that first step to actually do that and even some of the pictures that I post of myself, I started to, on Fat Life, I started to, my face would never be there, the emoji over, I didn't always like that because I take a lot of pride in the pictures that I do. There's some, I'm a creative person, so this has been another creative outlet on top of being an exhibitionist and, you know. It's such a fun hobby. It is, right, you know, and, you know, and getting the different angles and the color and the ring and all that, you know. So, and so then I started to, you know, someone that I know that I met actually right at the very beginning of this journey suggested, you know, why don't you start to use a blindfold? Like, not saying your pictures aren't good, just, you know, and that's a good person that just kind of suggests something, right? And I was like, that's actually a good idea. So I started to do the blindfold so you could actually see my face, because your eyes are when I really identify you, right? Yeah. Yeah. And then I slip in the, now that you can do multiple pictures, I may slip in one that you see a little bit more of my face. If you happen to go like this, you know, if you don't, then you don't see it. Right. But then on OnlyFans, I do tend to, well, there's a, you see a lot. You show your face. I know. On my face and other, yeah. Oh, yeah. Well, I do feel like I do as well. You know, I'm not, it's that, and that's been a progression as well. I was always kind of, you know, um, kind of, uh, just being comfortable, or maybe not comfortable, just to have that creativity, you know, I'm showing my pussy, you know, how do I do that, you know, and I've posted some pictures that I actually really like. I love my fan page too, it's such a fun hobby to be like, here's me and my pennies, you know, cooking breakfast, like, it's so fun, and I love the enthusiasm from the people who subscribe, so. Yeah, and then you see some of my personality, because I do like to write, and that's something else that I've kind of, things are always going, on in here, you know, not chaotic. I just, you know, I hear and I'm observant and I'm intuitive. So I, some people say, oh, Tanya, you're a little shy or you're not having a good time. Actually, I'm actually taking it all in and absorbing it and just picking my time to, you know, to pick up on something or go, oh, I heard someone say something and then I'm going to look into that. So, um, yeah. So, uh, doing the pictures I take, uh, I, take a lot of pleasure in that because there's the creative side of it as well yeah well it's been a fucking awesome year and we're heading to the club tonight with a crew of our friends that you'll see always on my channel right our curly vixen peekaboo um emilia i think has been coming as well so it's just it's a year and we're still all hanging out we're still having a great time yeah um the friendships are strong i mean we do potlucks outside of sex clubs sometimes just to hang out and have a friend time so But yeah, no, just because we're all swingers, or not necessarily swingers, but like sex positive, doesn't mean we actually all have sex with one another either. I don't think you've hooked up with anybody in the crew, because you're more into men anyways. Yes, you know, I'm still exploring. I'm not closed off to, well, actually, let me just backtrack. I'm still looking to see there's other things that I actually want to do, but yeah, it's... But it's not about that all the time, right? No. It's about finding your tribe of people, your community. Yes, it is, definitely. that friendship as well and like i said even though we aren't we don't spend you know eight hours a day with each other you know like you do with a colleague we actually know each other a lot better because of this you know lifestyle and when we are together it's quality time and we're actually supporting each other i mean i still i still you know remember the first time i when you were directing one of the scenes and and i know that you said you get a lot of pleasure from that and i was like i was always kind of into my own yeah and i remember thinking to myself at the beginning i need to tell myself I wanted to actually observe you while this was going on and I actually did that and it's like so you know just those things you know I kind of pulled myself out of the space that I was that I was enjoying well before we sign off that reminds me there is one thing that you gave me that I okay so I have a boyfriend right and he has read everything I've written watched everything I've made but he up until you had never seen me be an orgy director and so So, unfortunately, me and him ended briefly in that time that we met. We're back together now, but we had ended briefly. But right before we had our separation, he got to watch me with my orgy director shirt on, help you take a bunch of men in my, in my aura. Like, this was, this was where I was. I wanted to show him where I was happy, what it was like for me. And thank you for, for being, um, that person who figured that to me. Yeah, thank you. And I, I do remember that. And I, and I think when you told me how, things had gone. I kind of was like, I felt like I was. And I was like, but I just met. Oh, because you were sad about the breakup? Yeah. I mean, I was thinking about you. Yeah. And I was just like, oh. Because he's such a nice guy. He's just a nice guy. We were so happy. He's so happy. I mean, I remember, I mean, he had just met me and all of a sudden he's making sure that all the guys had condoms on for sure. Yeah. Yeah. I put him on condom duty. Yeah, I did. And I remember him one time saying, can you lift your shirt up so that he could? Oh, yeah, because he could see the And all I was thinking to myself is like, could you just take the fucking shirt off? Just take the goddamn shirt off. Please. Oh, God. All right. Well, you know, that is in my mental notes now. Make sure that doesn't happen around you because I know what pet peeves can do. They can annoy the fuck out of you. Well, it's dangling in my face. I want to be worshiping your cock. I don't want the t-shirt. Move it. Awesome. Noted. Noted for the record. So, yeah. Yeah, so we both had some special experiences, and we're about to go and have another Oasis night. I'm going to bring my tripod. I just upgraded my tripod, by the way. Really? Yeah, I brought it to the tour video I did for the X Club and Mermaid Lounge, and it's high. It goes really high. Oh, good. Because I'm sometimes a little taller. It's just, it's time to upgrade, and I couldn't believe that there was such a thing as, like, a taller tripod. I just didn't know that there was such a variance. Yes. But there is. So it can be bigger. You can order bigger if you want. Apparently, you can just order it. for six years, right? So I'm like, it works. It's fine. So, um, all right, everybody, I'm going to put links in the description of this podcast for you to listen to, uh, some of the, you know, the old story of, uh, Tanya's first entrance into the lifestyle. Um, my reflections on that, as well as the videos we mentioned, if you haven't done so already and reviewed this podcast, especially on Spotify and Apple podcasts, it's very easy on Spotify. There's, you don't even have your name put on it. It's just a star rating. Um, I think I borrowed your phone the other day to like review my podcast for myself because I was like, honey, I'm asking, but I'm really needing you to do it because it really helps. And it really helps my podcast get some street cred for lack of better analogy. Um, and then, then other people can find it. Yes, exactly. All right, Tanya, any final words? No, just go out there and have fun. Don't be afraid of anything. If I can do it, anyone can do it. There you go. Yeah. It's been, it's been a blast and I can't wait to see where, uh, the next year takes me. Yeah. I know me too. Right. If you do become Bisexual, I'm going to say right here, I told you so, because it happens to people. I know. It's going to happen. It happens. So if in another year you've licked a pussy or even fingered a girl, then I'll know that I was right. Okay? Good, good. Yes. Stay tuned, everybody. Stay tuned. Bye.