#83-GIRL TALK: Our CRINGIEST sex stories

Transcript

Speaker1: Hey everybody, it is Tarana Unicorn and I've got some sexy, cringeworthy sex stories with my friends. And I don't know if you've checked out my other podcast called Sex Stories with Tarana Unicorn, but episode 55 was my top six cringeworthy sex moments. And it was one of my favorite episodes to do. And so I invited my friends here to also share some of their cringeworthy moments. And we're not here to out anybody or embarrass anyone in particular, but we're going to go around and tell our stories. So, who would like to go first? Peekaboo? All right. So, first, Cringeworthy. A little bit of backstory. It was one of these guys that I was, had my back and forth obsession with for, like, over a year. You guys know him by the first letter A. And he was one of the first guys that I had met off of FetLife. And he was hot and the sex was great and blah. Anyways, turned out to be an asshole. But fast forward a little bit. through that year. And it comes to the point where I finally tell him goodbye. But then it's Christmas Eve and he messages me and he's like, hey, I'm now like up in your neighborhood and I have an Airbnb so I can be close to my kids, but I'm not seeing them tonight. Would you like to come over? And I'm like, fine, because this guy likes to take my wand and like hold it on my clit and make me come like five times. So sure, you know, I'll go see him. And he's got a really good dick. Like this is the guy that I drooled over. If you guys will remember, There was a story I told where I looked at him and went, yeah, this is him. So I'm all excited to go. So I drive like a frickin' 40 minutes north of me in a snowstorm on Christmas Eve to go see Buddy. Get there and we chat and we go to his car and we smoke a joint. Go back in, go into the bedroom. I'm like, we're going to get her done. Pulls down his pants, lays me back on the bed, spreads my legs, sticks his dick in and goes, and he was done. Done. A minute, I'm telling, not even, like 30 seconds, done. And he looks at me and he's like, yeah. And I'm like, did that just, and he's like, yeah. I'm like, but that was not worth the drive. Like, what the fuck? He did look at me and say, peekaboo, listen, your pussy's so tight that it literally like ripped my dick off. And I was like, but that, that's just not an excuse. So that was, yeah, I didn't stay too much longer. And then I drove my pathetic ass back that 40 minutes home. and nonetheless never spoke to him again so that was cringeworthy moment number one uh the second question i have a question would it have made a difference if he's like forget about me where's your wand you know and like let's make it about you would that have been a good turnout or a turn of events you know what it would have and now that you mention it you're right like that was actually part of it was that he was supposed to eat me out that night which is not something that that usually did. So we went back there with the intention of him licking my pussy. When he laid me down and spread my legs, that was what I thought he was going to do. And then he stuck his dick in and then left it a minute. So yeah, you'd like refresh my memory because I was like, no, man, I was fighting with him about that. I was like, you got to lick my pussy tonight. So if he would have been like, okay, fine. Now I'll like take out the wand or something. I understand not licking my pussy. But after we have sex. But yeah, you're right. That would have helped. I wish that these people these guys that have these problems realize that's not the end of the road like there's a tool belt they can go into into a garage and pick a tool for a certain job and they can't think that there could be something outside of their penis in a sexual exchange like it's just it's interesting to me but that's too bad because it could have turned a cringeworthy moment into a cringe-ish worthy moment you know could have could have yeah but that was that was Mr. A for you share your cringeworthy sex moment. There are so many cringeworthy sex moments. I don't know if I could figure. I don't know. Honestly, the one that comes most to my head, I guess, I guess peekaboo just sort of stimulated it in my brain was my ex-husband and how I felt when I just got near to the end of our relationship and like even him going near me, touching me, made me feel just blessed. Because I just got to the point where it's like, if you have no idea how to stimulate me or to get me off at this point of our lives together, then I just have no freaking time for you. And I remember the last time that we ever had sex, and it was one of those where it was kind of similar to that, where he was, you know, rolled on top, did his thing, finished himself off, and then rolled over. There was literally no pleasure given to me. And that was in my head where we were done. And it was literally maybe, I don't know, a couple, maybe not even a week after, because we may have done that, like, on our anniversary. And then it was, like, maybe a week later that I called us quits. Because I was like, I just had no, no love for him at all in me at all anymore. Like, and to the point where, like, I literally felt gross if he even touched me, you know? Yeah. So that was probably my biggest cringey. Literally the most cringeworthy sex for you you literally ended a relationship. It was like a trigger for you of like, this is, there's nothing left to save here kind of thing? Nothing. Yeah. Right. Wow. All right, Miss R, I heard that you have a cringeworthy moment to share as well. So there's this one face that sticks in my mind that I just can't get out. And for some reason, I see it everywhere now around society whenever I go there. So I'll give you an example again without outing anything. I'm laying back there and this guy that I don't really know. that I consented to play with is gets on top of me. And, you know, usually I keep my eyes closed or whatever. I happen to look up at the guy and he's on top of me like this. Now you can't see if my face is blurred, but basically he looked like Stitch. And I will show you that photograph. You can flash it on the scene. Oh, I'm glad that you finally figured out what that was. But if you just a little side note, if you want to see ours for our space on blurred, you can come to my OnlyFans page, which is I'll have this clip with also Curly and Blurred as well and that's at OnlyFans.com slash Toronto Unicorn and my friends on this chat most of them also have their own fan pages so if you want to like get to know more of us that's available and the link will be in the description always hustling back to you yeah so that so now I see this every time I see Stitch I walk by a shopper's drug mart there's this big face in the in the window I'm like no it's still him I think the more context to that because I was with you that night is that you were having interactions with more anonymous people right so you didn't it was early in your sex club career I call it that and you were having more of the anonymous gangbangs or whatever and so you didn't pick and choose these people so to have someone suddenly appear and to have such a look that startles you while they're probably inside of you is something I think any of us can like relate I would like the shiver and down our spine of like oh gosh what did i do it's just burn in my mind and now i can't get it out of my mind and i see it everywhere i go every time i see that cartoon man that's i can't help but think of that yeah so yeah awkward times i mean there was one time i know with uh dtf tanya that there there was a guy with a ski mask on her first night there to have a gangbang and i was like i can't just hope this is okay like i have to be like are you okay and so i didn't want her to look up from her first gangbang and there's a ski mask with a fucking hole and holes like so you know it matters what happens when you look up so the fuck face does matter in case anyone's wondering like you know if you make a scary looking fuck face um you know can leave a lasting impression it's so funny all right we're gonna come back for seconds later so i already have six on my podcast episode but i am gonna pull one for you There's nothing like taking a guy home, you know, the first time I fooled around with him was at M4 sex club. And then the next time I hung out with him, it was in my bedroom. And, you know, sex with a new person is always awkward. You're learning a dance with someone that you've never danced to before. And so it was going to be awkward already. But for some reason, while he was missionary with his dick inside of me, he starts slapping my belly, like slap. And as if he was just like, like completely allowed to do this. And I was like, whoa, what are you doing? And he's like, oh, oh, is that okay? And I was like, no, not really. Like, I don't like that. He's like, oh, okay, no problem. And then he's like, fucking mean, he's like, whose pussy is this? Whose pussy is this? And I was like, like, first of all, there's so many reasons why the answer is not yours, right? But like, which one do I choose? And so in the moment, I don't just like submit to the of some rando guy trying to assert dominance and so I was like how do I handle this and I just remember I don't even know what I said but I was like not yours not to mention the fact that I was like dating a different guy and like I also like it's my pussy like no one else's so I just think before you pull out some dominant you know mantra or something that you've seen in porn like just run it through a vibe check with the person you're with make sure it like flies And so for me, I, you know, as much as that was a nice guy, after that, I was like, the sexual chemistry is either there or it's not with someone, right? And so, in a way, I was like, okay, well, thanks for your time, and I'll see you around. So, that was mine. All right, Miss Peekaboo, we're coming to you for seconds. All right, round two. So, this happened at the club. I was in what my friend who I was there with, my friend with benefits at the time, said was a puppy pile so there was about I don't know maybe four or five couples in the room one of the private room it's M4 and it's one big king-sized bed and then there's also a little bit of a couch to the side and we're all kind of bodies and bodies and I am I had one guy that was already like fucking me from behind and then I think I was blowing another guy at the time and then there's another couple beside us and the guy that I was with was with some other chick and we're all having a good time but sometimes when you're in those puppy piles, not everybody that's in that puppy pile is your necessarily cup of tea, right? Not somebody that you would choose to explore and have sex with and whatever, right? So, but it was kind of my first experience in a puppy pile like this. So, I'm also like trying to figure out, okay, how do I navigate this? Because there was this couple and the guy was being rather aggressive saying to me like, I'm going to get you, I'm going to have you, I'm going to fuck you kind of thing. And I'm just like, no, no, you're not actually. No, I'm going to figure this out, right? But somehow, roll of the dial, I ended up kind of under him, like literally under him. So he was like on top of me, like almost missionary. And then at the same time, his wife leans over and she's like, can I kiss you? And what do you think my response was, ladies? I was like, no, you cannot. And just as he was like about to enter me, and I was just like, oh, what do I do? My friend with benefit happened to walk by. So I kind of arched my head back, which I'm blurred, but if you can picture, I'm at the end of the bed. So I'm trying to arch my head back towards the end of the bed. And then I look up at the guy who's trying to fuck me and I go, oh, you know what? I got to go because I really want to like, I just can't suck my friend's dick like this. So I got it. I just got to move because I really want to just suck his dick. Like that was my excuse to roll over and get out of it. And then I just walked around, got on my knees and started sucking my friend's dick. So, I mean, the excuse was fairly true, but that was like one cringe moment. because I was really like literally face-to-face with someone that I did not want to be face-to-face with and just the words he was using like I'm gonna get you and I'm gonna fuck you and then his wife in my face going can I kiss you I was just like saved by the dick what saved by the dick saved by the dick absolutely absolutely so that's cringe story number two I think it's awesome that you just assume we all know what a puppy pile is That sounds smoother advanced to me. I feel like a whole bunch of couples and like a whole bunch of bodies like all piled together like an orgy. Right? But they called it a puppy pile. Yeah, basically orgy. But they called it a puppy pile instead because you're all kind of piled up on one bed. But yeah, an orgy. Really? Okay. Interesting. I thought I felt like all couples and that's why it was like me at one point getting fucked in behind while sucking a dick while there was a couple beside us and then another couple around and yeah. Well, the good news is what you've communicated is that you don't have to just fuck whoever is in the same puppy pile like you're allowed to have a choice and to say no and you might not know how to and if that guy didn't walk in with a dick you might have found yourself in a situation that you were like well shit what do i do so i still like uh you know you've got to be prepared on how to say no and exit but um wow i'm glad that you did because otherwise you'd have really really cringe sex with someone yeah yeah it wasn't and there was one guy that i called outright because he touched me without permission like he didn't even have and he switched out with somebody and didn't say anything to me and then all of a sudden i feel this hand and dick in my ass and i was like not in my ass but like behind me and i'm like who are you and i told that story before too is the one and i was just like i did not give you consent to touch me get out so yeah but yeah when you're like under somebody and you're like yeah what do i do they might wonder like does anything go in this pile right yeah I remember even a couple times I had sex in the red room it was a busy night and there was people beside that started touching my back and stuff and I was like no no no that if you if we were over there you wouldn't do that so why are you doing it just because we're in an orgy room but maybe you know I shouldn't have been in the orgy room which one of us is the confusion right I don't know yeah yeah wow all right thanks for sharing all right miss Curly what is your second cringe story so combination here number one biggest way to dry me up and make me unattracted to you is if you pull out the words I love you it's the fastest way to get me running because don't use those fucking words lightly and I've had you know multiple guys that I've seen sort of semi-long term and I've warned them about that I'm like just don't use those words because it's not something that I take lightly and I just don't want that word to be used. And I think a lot of guys use it sort of as ammunition to think that you're going to fall more for them. So that's one. And the biggest is, I think you have all heard the story, but it is my lovely friend at M4 who I had played with once before at Oasis. He had had, I guess, a drier night with me the first night at Oasis, which tends to happen to me when I'm not as hydrated from the heat of the pool. And so hadn't experienced the squirtiness of me. And so when we played our second time at M4, and he was fucking me real good, and I guess I let out like a full squirt, and it shocked him, and he had never experienced it before. And rather than being like, whoa, that was crazy, that was awesome, whatever, he fucking ran out mid-Oregon. Like, literally just pulled out, left me hanging, and didn't say anything and just fucking took off. So one of our lovely friends, a female friend, actually jumped in and took care of me, which was lovely. Very kind of her. And then the worst part was the next time, like, he found me later on in the night, and he didn't apologize. He just was like, oh, it was unexpected, whatever. And I was like, whatever, dude, that was not the way to fucking handle that situation. his uh all of his like you know he'd get someone ready to go and then i'd be like no and then uh and then i actually lured him and his friend into a back room making them think that uh they were about to have a great time and right when they were both like ready to run my nipples you know and making them all feel good i'm like oh i'm done bye and i just left them both hanging it was sweet revenge there's a different justice system inside the walls of a sex club, I guess. I'm straight. Wow. All right. All right. Well, thank you for sharing. Miss R, do you have number two? I do believe I have a number two. It was actually, I remember this really well. It was at Oasis. We were in the pool, I guess. I'd talked to this guy and he seemed nice enough and a little awkward, right? But like, that's pretty par for the course at Oasis. And decided to go upstairs with him. And he gave me, like, before we were about to get busy, we're sitting on the bed, and he wanted to talk for a minute, and he's, like, telling me, and I think there was another guy there, too. There were two of us there. And he starts telling me his entire pedigree, where he went to school, what year he graduated, what he does for a living, like, a resume, as if he's, like, enumerating his qualifications. And I'm thinking to myself, okay, dude, we're already up here ready to get busy. Like, I don't need your qualifications. I'm good. And just as we're about to start, I think I started fooling around with the other guy. And they were supposed to come. Anyway, the guy just sort of said, I thought he went to go get a towel because he was a little nervous and he sort of headed towards the door. And I thought, okay, he's going to get an extra towel because we were going to start. And he never came back. And I'm sitting there, you know, we're waiting and waiting and waiting. I thought maybe he went to the bathroom, waiting, waiting. And I realized with the other guy, I'm like, my back like what just happened here so we're up there about to get busy and the guy literally disappeared never saw him again yeah i think i was there for that wasn't i i believe you were it was it was i don't know if it was so much cringy as as weird like it was a weird thing like you're about to get busy and the guy completely disappears and runs like i think he was scared that's what i was gonna say there's a lot of guys that do um i don't want to say chicken out that's not the sentiment it's more like they have reservations or they suddenly just don't want to cross that threshold of participation and they just don't know how to handle it is my is my take on it because i've seen many men go for towels and never come back okay and all of the scenes that i've done and it doesn't mean they meant to hurt anyone's feelings but it doesn't mean it didn't right but um for the most part they just they look like they like back away slowly like oh i'm just going to get a towel like i knew they weren't coming back you know so uh maybe that was the price to you but sometimes i can just tell like I wasn't expecting it you make it as far as upstairs and you're gonna you know sit there and and you know get busy we all agreed to this and then he's in the wind right so it was a little awkward more I don't know I mean the idea of it is cringy like I can't imagine me being like sure dude like yeah let's go and then I just like run away yeah that's just not me so oh I can I can tell a story of my friend I'm not gonna say who, from a long time ago, who had one of the best cringsworthy stories I've ever heard of. And luckily, she took it well. But basically, she's not really into women, but she was there on a couple's night, and there was a couple that she thought was a really good vibe. And so the girl was like, okay, well, we want my boyfriend to, like, practice eating out another girl and, like, fucking another girl. He's new to the lifestyle. He's a little reserved. So this girl, my friend, basically is in the room. Her legs are open. The guy gets to be about six inches from her pussy. and says, I can't do this, and just runs off while his girlfriend's pissed off, like, why can't you do this? Like, she was like, it was like a situation where she wanted him to, and he couldn't go through with it, and for what reason, who knows, right? Later, my friend said it was about, he wasn't really comfortable even doing this at all. It felt like he was cheating on his girlfriend, but who knows? There's always a good reason and a real reason, but this poor friend, she was like, how do you take that, Sarah, which is my real name? Like, how do you take that? You know, you guys looking straight in your pussy hole, and then he fucking jets. And I'm like, what are you going to do? So, yeah, I'll just, like, leave that story. If you want to get the rest of my stories, I mean, I do have that sex stories episode you can click on to get the rest. So, I'll just leave my story with that one. But sex doesn't always go well. Sex is a mystery dance you do with new partners all the time. And just like any other dance, you're going to clunk feet. You're going to not know who's leading and and things like that. And so I think the best is to just, you know, be empathetic, be understanding, but also have boundaries, you know, know how to say no and things like that. Like when a guy was fucking me and he's like, whose pussy is this? I wanted to hit like eject, you know, like get your dick out of me. But I didn't, you know, didn't really know. So I waited till the end and then I just never saw him again. So, you know, we're all learning how to cope with these things too. But I'm sure we all have just as embarrassing of stories about ourselves and sex, but we'll leave that for another day. So thank you so much, girls. This has been fun. And yeah, let's go and try to get some more stories for the next time.