Send us Fan MailTuesday Talks: What to Do When Rules Are Broken | Episode 20Join Dan and Lacy on The Swing Nation Podcast, the top-rated lifestyle podcast about non-monogamy and swinging, for another insightful Tuesday Talks segment. In this episode, Dan and Lacy tackle a crucial question from a couple on SwingerSociety.net who experienced someone breaking their always use a condom rule. They discuss what to do when someone crosses your boundaries, how to address the situation, and ways to prevent it from happening in the future. Tune in for essential advice on maintaining trust, safety, and respect in the lifestyle.- The Swing Nation - Main Website Quick Navigation Website: -- (Find all our social media links more!) Follow us on Facebook! The Podcast Website- Swinger Society - Our Website to meet, connect events Swinger Society Discord Our Facebook Group- Swinger Websites -Kasadie 90 day free trialUsername: TheSwingNation SDC 14 day free trial Username: TheSwingNation** Use code 36313 for 14 days free! ** SLSUsername: NorthernGuynSouthernGirl- Merch More -Order Your Merch Here!- Lacy’s Fun Links - VIP OnlyFans PREMIUM OnlyFans-- THANK YOU TO OUR SPONSORS --Wisp : Making sexual healthcare inclusive, cost-effective, and accessible—for everyoneUse Code SWING at checkout for 15% off your oder! Shameless Care: ED Medication and at home STD testingUse Code TSN at checkout for $30 off your order!Promescent® Make Love Longer, It’s Time for Great SexUse Code SwingNation for 5% off!Pinaq Liqueur; The Official Drink of The Swing NationUse Code TSN at checkout for 15% off!Support the show- Thank you for the support! -
Transcript
Speaker1: This podcast is intended for adult audiences. Over the age of 18, it contains adult language and situations. The views, thoughts, and opinions expressed in this podcast belong solely to us, and not of any employer, organization, committee, or other group or individuals. This podcast is not intended to be taken as professional advice. Welcome to the Swing Nation podcast, a podcast by swingers for swingers, where we look to educate others and push back on the negative stigmas and misconceptions associated with our lifestyle. Come with us and share our pineapple journey as we travel the globe, interview the experts, learn and grow together join the nation so lacy people are asking how do they get to go to a party or an event with us they check out swingers society.net you create a, you sign up for an event, and you come hang out with us. Super easy. That's right. If you want to party with us and the other faces and names that you know from social media and TikTok, head on over to swingersociety.net. Can't wait to see Speaker2: you there. Sexual health care can be so much more than STI testing. WISP offers services like emergency contraception, help in delaying your period, UTI treatments, and so much more. They You know what I mean? care can be so much more than STI testing. WISP offers services like emergency contraception, help in delaying your period, UTI treatments, and so much more. They even have a product called the OMG Cream that helps provide more fulfilling orgasms for women. WISP provides same-day prescriptions and can give you discreet treatment in the comfort and privacy of your own home. Check out the link in our show notes or go to HelloWISiz.com and use code SWING for 15% off. Most people have unprotected oral sex, right? Be honest. Now think about your last STD test. Did your doctor tickle your throat with something that looked like a giant Q-tip? Probably not. Yet that's the only way to check for oral gonorrhea or chlamydia, which are often asymptomatic. You need a better doctor. You need shamelesscare.com. Use coupon code TSN at checkout. Hey there, pineapple people, and welcome to the swing nation podcast we are your hosts Speaker1: northern guy and southern girl in today's episode we have another another tuesday talks what's that face about i'm waiting for what your song i don't know i don't know what you're talking Speaker2: about bullshit no you have to do it now do what your song no there's a song oh my god what Thank you. come out bullshit no you have to do it now do what your song no there's a song oh my god what are you not gonna do it so apparently should it be like a rap um they talk so we're talking tuesday talks within lisa that's a little better so apparently everyone loves it um we've gotten And like, we're few uh oh this one says whatever you do never lose the theme song we were actually at splash houston and multiple people were like quit being mean to dan let him sing his song it's the best part i had no idea you had such the cult following babe yeah i'm thinking about giving up the dj life and just becoming a singer oh really yeah yeah okay well i mean i think you should go for it just i'll support you i have fans out there i i i realize that they were mad at me like they were genuinely like you need to quit being mean darman maybe you need to not be such a bitch to me sometimes it was not like it was not like a bitchy thing it was more like husband and wife nagging you know like when your husband does something your wife does something and you're like oh my god we do a lot of the i embarrass you and then you get annoyed at me yeah that's the thing we do that's kind of how you show your love and vice versa how do you show your love hugs and kisses i thought you're gonna say like that's how i show my love is yelling at you no i didn't yell at you i'm just like i thought it was gonna be like something you did like once or twice but it's become a thing it's okay i support it i am i was wrong everyone loves it so i think i don't think you can support it though that's gonna take away it's like oh so you want me to be mean to you i don't want you to be mean i just want you i want to annoy you okay so you need if you become not annoyed is this a king no it's not a king it's not a king okay i'll pretend like i'm annoyed but i was set in like they put me in my place they were like leave our man alone yeah so i'm here to support whatever you do okay but you're supposed to be annoyed. But I am slightly annoyed. I'm not going to lie. Like that is genuine. It is a little annoying that everyone loves it. And I think you like that everyone loves it.
Speaker1:
Well, I think that's why they like it for the same reason I like it. It's because it annoys you. That's what makes it funny.
Speaker2:
Okay, we're all for it.
Speaker1:
So if you became indifferent to it, it would take away that.
Speaker2:
Well, then they need to leave me alone. Because then I'm like i there was a part of me that felt bad i was like wow really am i'm i'm like am i that big of a bitch yes shut up okay so for today's tuesday talk i'm not going to say their name because this came to us in a dm through swingers.net so i don want somebody You could use their username. No, because I don't want anybody to message them. Okay. Okay. Tuesday Talks. Whatever you do, never lose a theme song. They love that song. New topic idea. What do you do when one or both of you break boundaries in the heat of the moment? Example, we have both been together 38 years in the last year and a half. We were at a lifestyle resort and talked casually with a more experienced couple for two evenings. At the end of the second, they asked us to go to the poolside bed. Things progressed fast. During play, the other wife said, you don't need to wear that condom. He's going bareback. And he was. This was and is a hard rule of ours. I violated rule as well two things i feel about this situation we didn't discuss boundaries with the other couple and we didn't discuss with each other i was pissed later but didn't eject at the time my thoughts are not about our specific rule of violation but rather dealing with your partner when a boundary is crossed by one or both of you, both partners, and getting past it.
Speaker3:
Interesting.
Speaker2:
It is a very – we actually had –
Speaker1:
We have a very similar story to this.
Speaker2:
I know that they don't want to talk about just like the condom, but I think this is like a good – we've had a few times where our boundaries have been broken. Because I can think of that time when they got to me in the room and shut the door. So I think it's kind of maybe start out with an example i can kind of go from there um so we were playing with a couple that we knew pretty well um they knew that we wore condoms and it was very like everybody in the room knew that that was like a hard rule for us um i was playing this is my perspective i was playing with a guy and he was actually struggling to get hard so i was just trying to like find ways to help him get hard and not make it like a weird situation so like instead of me like sucking his very soft dick i kind of like, straddled him or sat on him and, like, rubbed my pussy against his dick a little. Like, nothing was inserting or anything like that. It was just everything was on the outside. But just kind of, like, light, like, caressing to kind of, like, speed up the situation. And that's what I was doing and then what was your perspective uh so i i you and him were on one bed and me and the wife were on the other bed i ended up that way i don't know if we started that way um but it was apparent to me that he was struggling to get hard or stay hard or something along those lines um and then i went to go fuck her and i think i actually reached for a condom or something like that and she said something very similar to what this you know the the uh the person in the in the tuesday talk letter said that the wife was like oh you don't need that he's not wearing one and then i look over and i see you on top of him and i see enough this i see enough to see that he's not wearing a condom and to me it looks like the two of you are fucking yeah so in my head at that time i think i i thought like oh he was struggling to get hard and these are very they were very close friends of ours they were and this was a few years ago yeah we'd known them for years and so i felt comfortable with them too and i'm like well maybe she just let him put it in without a condom because she didn't she knew if he went and got a condom that he would get softer that's what in my head in that two seconds that's what i thought had happened now there is something to be said like if you're gonna rub your pussy on this no i agree then like i agree it's almost you almost violated the no condom rule anyway because if he had an std or sti like it's almost pointless yeah but like sucking a dick i mean same thing i mean you can get right yeah you can argue yes yeah so it appeared to me that you guys were fucking without a condom so i just went ahead and fucked the wife without a condom and i think we no but i didn't fine i never knew yeah went on and then i think it came up somehow i think we left yeah we left you're like so i fucked her without a condom because y'all weren't or something. And I was like, no, we didn't. I think I said something to the fact like, did you not wear a condom because you were afraid like he wouldn't be able to stay hard or something? And you were like, what are you talking about? He never fucked me. Yeah. I was like. We ended up not actually fucking because he could not. But we had like a lot of fun and stuff. But anyway, that was a good example of how we, I'll be honest we've not broken that boundary since that night that was a good like lesson um we how we handled it is we weren't really mad with each other or that couple we weren't really upset we were a misunderstanding it was a misunderstanding and i think it kind of opened our eyes that we have to do a better job of communicating in the moment because like if you would have looked at me and said are y'all not are you know if you had i said something yeah and i get that that's like an uncomfortable thing to say in front of somebody like hey i just want to check are y'all wearing are you wearing a condom like i get that kind of like takes the sexiness away from the moment but it's really important and so I think if we learned anything in that moment is just to speak up when something like that happens and we just talked about it me and you had a conversation about how we could have handled it better and but we were not upset with that couple either and so what do you what are your thoughts here because he seemed pretty upset with this guy or with this couple we had another situation where a boundary was broke because the guy took me into a room and shut the door but we had not communicated our boundaries and it sounds like this they had not communicated that their boundaries so for, it was hard to get mad at that couple that shut the door behind me because that was our mistake. We had not communicated to them. And I think in this case. But really, it's your mistake because you knew he shut the door. No, it was 100% my mistake. Yeah. It was, again, very early on. And I've learned a lot of things since then. But in in this case they could have avoided this how they communicated their boundaries clear and they're a year and a half in the lifestyle and honestly mistakes like this are going to happen at a year and a half we still make mistakes like this today not this big not that no we don't well we still make mistakes we still make mistakes but a man's not taking me and shutting a door behind us. We're not fucking someone without a condom, without communicating. Unfortunately, we had to learn how to get through those things to get to where we are now. Do we still make mistakes? Yes, but not that big of a mistake. I agree. Yeah, I guess my point would be I could see something like this happening. It could, but I could see how we would stop and be like, no. We've got a lot better at communicating. and i think this is that's all this boils down to yeah it's communication no i agree i think 100 um the answer to this is you can't really be mad at the other couple if they didn't even know that condoms were a boundary for them it may not be a boundary so you can't expect them to know it's your boundary without you communicating and then okay you can get mad it sounded like it was the wife that was fucking the husband without a condom so you could get a little bit annoyed with your wife saying hey well you knew it was a boundary so why did you let him have sex with you without it but but again like then you went and did it too so it's almost like yeah and i will say as a female i've had to learn to check you know and like you want to believe that everyone right maybe she didn't know because like honestly in the heat of the moment you might not i might not physically see but i've had to learn to do that to look to you know i'll even put my hand right if he's gonna fuck you and you bend over you just yeah you it's it it i think a lot of responsibility falls on the guys with the condom on. But ladies, it's your body. You have to make sure as well. Right, so maybe she didn't even, who knows if she even realized it in the moment. She might not have, you know. But I think all this boils down to communication. Things like this are going to happen. It's kind of like growing pains in the lifestyle. I don't think we're all just perfect communicators. I think you have to like fuck up a little up a little and then you know hopefully it's not too big of a fuck up that it like sours you to the lifestyle but i think you just kind of work through it and you get better each time yeah so i was gonna say so the question really his question wasn't even about the condom thing when a when a rule or a boundary violation happens how do you handle that without i guess it being an emotional event and it might be an emotional event you know i mean like you might fight about stuff like their boundaries they're important to you you know feelings are hurt and you know but i think the answer to the question is you have to communicate all right you have to communicate through it and talk about what happened you know listen to her side of it you know before you get emotional and angry listen to her side of what happened you express your side of what happened and why you feel the way you do and then basically what you do is you say okay in the future before we flop with somebody we're going to stop and have that conversation with about what our rules and boundaries are before we start anything we need to stop and have that conversation um you know you as the female And I'll to make sure before a dick goes into you that you kind of someone takes you in a room get eyes on it that you know so it's you guys kind of can just talk about talk through it come up with plans and ways to improve and prevent something like that from happening again and and move forward i think that's really all you can do and i think it's pretty common in the lifestyle for boundaries to be pushed even now we still have people that text us on the side even though our boundary is communication through group messages people know that yeah and people know that like we've had some close friends sometimes like there's been cases where i've went to you and said this person has inside how do you feel and you're like i'm okay with it there's been times you know where hey this person takes me inside like okay well let's just get it back to the group chat you know so like things are gonna happen as long as you're talking about it i think you're okay and i think you get better and that all these conversations become easier as time goes on yeah no it happens all the time i mean i'm saying with me i've had girls text me on the side and the funny thing is the best thing you can do is as soon as that happens go to your partner and be like i got this text yeah immediately if you start replying and going back and forth and then they see it you know they whatever even if it's innocent fun if your boundary is like no communication why are you talking to them yeah yeah it could feel like i don't know it could feel weird even if there's not anything weird going on 100 so i think to answer your question if we're going to sum this up it would be communicate about what happened actively listen to both sides before you get upset because you know they have their own perspective about what happened um and then kind of come up with plans so that uh you can moving forward another another mistake like that doesn't happen yeah and just to add one more thing we met this sweet lady at naughty new orleans and she said for the first year that her and her husband were thinking about doing the lifestyle she did what if what like where they would be riding in the car and she would think of something and say what if like in this case somebody tries to fuck you without a condom what what are we going to do or what if somebody takes you on the side or what if like she did all like all of these things and they would talk them out and honestly that's probably not a bad practice yeah i mean you never know how you're going to react in the actual moment but if you talked about it and you've kind of you you've already had some of these discussions so i think that that could be a fun activity to do especially if you're newer in the lifestyle and you're wanting you're at that point where you're just wanting to talk it all out and kind of figure it out i think that's a good piece of advice not smart i mean it almost reminds me of the military yeah like when we i think the flirty swinger the cute blonde the podcaster oh yeah i think that's her pocket i want to give her credit because she deserves it but i think that's who it is the flirty swinger on instagram i don't know the name of their podcast but um it's the same title as her instagram i don't know but she's really hot and actually and he's really hot and um i thought that was a good piece of advice it stuck with me no it's true yeah because you don't know what you're gonna do in the moment so if you've at least came up with a game plan ahead of time and then you know what to expect from your partner what what they're supposed to do you know i mean so that's really good all right right. Anything else for this listener?
Speaker3:
I hope that helps confuse it up. Definitely.
Speaker2:
Confuse it up. Hope that helps.
Speaker3:
Sorry. The confusion. Yeah. Don't worry.
Speaker2:
Okay.
Speaker1:
And then if you have any other Tuesday talk questions, you can email us at theswingnation at gmail.com. Theswingnation at gmail.com.
Speaker3:
You can DM us, but email is by far the easiest. Agreed. Okay. Okay, I think with that, in a world full of apples. Be the pineapple. Be the pineapple, guys. Bye. Bye. If you've enjoyed our podcast and want to support us, leave a five-star review wherever you're listening. If you want to see more of our content, you can find links to Snapchat, Twitter, Instagram, OnlyFans, and more in the show notes. Come join the conversation with us and other Swinger content creators on our Swinger Society Discord server. If you have questions or feedback, email them to us at theswingnation at gmail.com. Make sure you head on over to theswingnation.net and keep up to date on all things Swing Nation. We thank you so much for joining us, and we'll see you next time. Goodbye.
