Tuesday Talks: What To Do When 'I Love You' Slips Out

Transcript

Speaker1: This podcast is intended for adult audiences. Over the age of 18, it contains adult language and situations. The views, thoughts, and opinions expressed in this podcast belong solely to us, and not of any employer, organization, committee, or other group or individuals. This podcast is not intended to be taken as professional advice. Welcome to the Swing Nation podcast, a podcast by swingers for swingers, where we look to educate others and push back on the negative stigmas and misconceptions associated with our lifestyle. Come with us and share our pineapple journey as we travel the globe, interview the experts, learn and grow together join the nation so lacy people are asking how do they get to go to a party or an event with us they check out swingersociety.net you create a profile you sign up for an event and you, and you come hang out with us. Super easy. That's right. If you want to party with us and the other faces and names that you know from social media and TikTok, head on over to swingersociety.net. Can't wait to see you there. Sexual health care can be so much more than STI testing. WISP offers services like emergency contraception, help in delaying your period, UTI treatments, and so much more. They even have a product called the OMG Cream that helps provide more fulfilling orgasms for women. WISP provides same-day prescriptions and can give you discreet treatment in the comfort and privacy of your own home. Check out the link in our show notes or go to HelloWISiz.com and use code SWING for 15% off. Most people have unprotected oral sex, right? Be honest. Now think about your last STD test. Did your doctor tickle your throat with something that looked like a giant Q-tip? Probably not. Yet that's the only way to check for oral gonorrhea or chlamydia, which are often asymptomatic. You need a better doctor. You need shamelesscare.com. Use coupon code TSN at checkout. Hey there, pineapple people, and welcome to the Swing Nation podcast. We we are your hosts northern guy and southern girl and today's episode uh is tuesday talks it is it's our next episode of our tuesday talks um this one's a doozy genre yeah and it's long so i'm gonna read it because i think you have to hear the whole story so just bear with me they also include some names in here but i don't they didn't say one way or the other so i'm just gonna go by first initial so i hope y'all can stay with me because there's like four people in here i think the story so let's just go okay so my wife and I have been married for 17 years and the fall of 2023 we got in the lifestyle we had a few bumps along the way but we've made adjustments and had some amazing absolutely amazing experiences as a type this me and my wife are on our way back from seeing our spicy friends we showed up on friday and stayed with one couple we're going to call them s and l who we've seen four times saturday was filled with on and off sex and with them and that night we had dinner with another couple r and k k and my wife and i have hooked up a number of times just three of us r and her started dating and we decided to do a Thank you. Kay and my wife and I have hooked up a number of times, just the three of us. R and her started dating, and we decided to do a vibe check and see if R could join. Long story short, the three couples went to a hotel room and had an absolute fantastic time. Everyone laughed and joked and fucked. It was absolutely unbelievable. Does this count as an orgy? This isn't my main question. After saying goodbye to R and K, we headed back to S and L's house. Their bedroom has a connecting room that they set up as a spare bed. Both beds are about 10 feet from each other. My wife slept with S and I slept with L. This was discussed it isn't a problem with either couple. Now here's where I'd like some advice. In between Elle and I messing around, we would just hold each other and talk. At one point, she blurted out, I love you. She was embarrassed and apologized, and I told her it was not a problem. We talked about it several times into the next day. Once my wife and I were in the car, I told her what had happened, and we talked it through. We both agreed. We tell our close friends that we love them and we don't even fuck them. We're listening to your latest episode into the unknown. You talked about how it's different with your close partners. I love to know your take on this. Is it something that is common with lifestyle folks and their close play partners? I look forward to hearing your thoughts's a lot okay so it sounds like they've been in the lifestyle few notes they've been in lifestyle for a year right yeah so they're 2023 so they've only been in the lifestyle for a year yeah they've been married for a long time it sounds like maybe they just had their first orgy yeah so that was the first question is six people in orgy i say yes yeah 100 yeah yeah so I think anything more than two it's like threesome foursome once you get past the foursome you're basically in an orgy at that point so i agree three or more couples or even like five or more people it's probably probably an orgy at least in my i think anything over four so that would be like two couples or yeah however that lands so definitely congratulations on your first on your first orgy um but then it sounds like after your orgy, you went back to this couple's house. It sounds like you've probably been friends with them for a while. I'm guessing by at least how comfortable you are spending the night and sleeping with opposite partners. And then sometime during the night or during day, I don't know the exact time frame, but sometime during the play session. Sounds like you guys were on on separate breads you were just playing with a wife and she said the words i love you so let's talk let's break this down because there's like a like i have so much like i just read this right before we went on which i like doing because this is you haven't had time to think like this is raw unfiltered lacy's yeah i literally just read thing. So, first, I want to talk about sleeping. And he did say sleeping in parentheses, but it sounded like it was an overnight thing. Right, that's what I, yeah, yeah. Okay, so what are your thoughts on that? Well, so here's the thing. So, I think we are thinking about this through the context of our relationship and what our rules. Well, this is our opinion. That's kind of what Tuesday Talks is. It's kind of like our opinion to people's questions. But what I'm saying is I think we have to, as we're thinking about this, we can't just we aren't the dictators of right and wrong. Well, I will say this as the wife of a full swap couple, I would not personally be okay with that, nor would I want to be in a bed for a whole night with another man. Yeah. That's just me. How do you feel? Okay. Let's answer it. Our personal opinion and then outside of that first. That's my personal opinion. So you're saying you would never sleep. I'm not saying never say never, because as soon as I say that, the next week we'll have an experience have an experience i'm just saying like if someone asks me if that's something that our boundaries is that okay within our boundaries i don't particularly think it's something that i want to do or even like see that happening now we meet a couple and we hit it off and that something that we talk about and it it works for us, then okay, maybe. But just like a quick knee-jerk reaction, no. Okay. So you would never sleep in a bed with Mike and have Daphne sleep in a bed with me? No. No. Okay. Would it happen? Like maybe we were drunk and we just kind of passed out? Maybe. But like I would never. No, you wouldn't purposely do that. No, and it sounds like that's kind of like what they put. But we also don't – me and Mike don't have that dynamic in my opinion. Okay. Second, what about Daphne sleeping in a bed with me and you overnight? With me and you? Yeah. I'm totally cool with that. See? I already knew that was your answer before I even asked it. It's just interesting to see what you say there. Okay. So would I be okay – that's not what I want to do so here here's the thing right me and you are a same room full swap couple we're even like same roof like you could go in a different room and fuck a guy i could go in a different room and fuck a girl honestly that's that's all fine but really when we engage with couples we're okay with being friends with them we're're okay with caring about them. We're okay with even loving them, but we're not looking for a primary, what I would refer to as a primary relationship with them, right? We don't want to move them into our house. We don't want to pay bills. We don't want them to become part of our inner circle or whatever you want to call it, our family circle. We don't want them to be part of our relationship, our primary relationship. I don't know if that's the case with this couple. So it's hard for me to cast judgment on what they're looking to do here. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know. I guess let's move past that. I love you. To me, when you, when you open these doors and you, that's why I don't know i guess let's move past that the i love you to me when you when you open these doors and you that's why i don't want to do that i don't want to have intimate moments i know is intimate you can't it is but it also isn't if that makes sense to me laying in a bed caressing each other is more intimate than like him fucking me. Right. So to me, when you open the door to those situations, that's when things like I love you come in. And to me, saying something without someone's spouse, like to hear and like whispering, I love you, is different than like me telling Daphne and Mike I love them when they're leaving the room. Right. You know, like when we're all together.'s two different things I don't know yeah and so what I will say is one we don't know what they're looking to get from this relationship now I would say in the story there's there's a few red flags in there for me right so one is that they've only been in the lifestyle for a year that's kind of a red flag because to be swapping and sleeping and separate that seems like a big step you know i mean like i don't know if we're ready to do something like that now and we've been doing this for almost what eight nine years it seems like you're being really open kind of early on in their lifestyle journey which is fine people that works for you know it's just something that's a red flag to me the other thing that you're saying so for us we have rules and boundaries in place and those rules and boundaries are in place really to protect us in our relationship right so when you get open to playing separately or spending the night with people and sleeping in separate beds you are opening yourself up to make what you're referring to as these romantic loving connections and i do think you know like you're saying somebody whispering i love you in your ear when you're fucking them without their partner you know when their their partner i guess was only 10 feet away in another bed but that's still that just screams red flag run i told like honestly when we i read this i looked up to dan and said oh we would never talk to that couple again it would be done and again i that's different like if mike for if you don't know daphne and mike are our best friends in life so mike said that to me i don't know i don't that's it's just it's a hard question i'm i'm struggling with it i don't know yeah so if mike told you i love you like you're saying if he gave you a hug and said i love you as we're leaving me and you are leaving to me that seems okay but he's fucking you in a different room or even a different bed and then whispers into your ear caressing me and it's soft and sweet yeah that's that seems like he's crossing our boundaries and probably would know that he was doing that and it would seem like it would be kind of a violation of our rules and boundaries now i don't again i don't know what this couple's rules and boundaries are now in this story i think the guy does 100 the right so he they have the experience as soon as he gets in the car with his wife and they start driving away he's like hey this happened i want you to know that's the perfect thing to do just fyi because we've had situations not like this but we've had situations where as soon as we got together in a safe place we communicated to each other so he like handled that perfectly and it kind of sounds like the girl in the situation kind of like said it and then like knew she said something she wasn't supposed to say and kind of tried to laugh it off i'm curious if she told her husband that would be if she didn't tell her husband red flag red flag that's another red flag right but then okay i bet she didn't i would guess she didn't too but then here's the the other thing is like okay they're driving in the car he says hey she said this to me they talk about it and essentially what they come up with is that well friends tell each other they love each other nope not like this friends don't friends don't tell each other they love each other like this i totally 1000 disagree like i think they're being nice and right i think they're being nice like they're making excuses for this couple yeah for this female yeah to me she she very much overstepped and as a woman i would not be okay with you continuing to play with her with her doing that i i would not be okay with it like i would you think it's an immediate we need to break off ties with this couple um it's an immediately we need to come if if they really value this relationship with this couple it needs to be a four-way conversation right that would be my suggestion yeah if this is just a couple that you've played with a couple times and it's okay if like it never happens again that i wouldn't i would just kind of like distance myself but because you don't want to get into drama with her and her husband I just wouldn't even cross that bridge but if this is a couple that you genuinely care about and you want to continue this I would I would have an open conversation amongst the four of you but if I had to guess the husband does not know and that's going to cause issues because if some couple came to you and told you that i whispered into some man's ear that i love you we would not be okay or vice versa yeah what if some could you imagine what if yeah a wife or a guy came to you and said oh your husband told my wife while they were fucking oh babe oh babe you just need to pack your shit i mean it would be i don't know if i had to pack my shit but it would be it would be not i'd pack my shit it would be a roller coaster it would be a it would be a i mean honestly if she's telling someone in an intimate moment that she loves them outside of her husband then there are cracks in that marriage that they need to step back and adjust sorry that was not a friend i love you can't wait to see you again type of situation that was an intimate moment and that has a red flag that has disaster written all fucking over it and i agree if she didn't tell her husband that's a giant red flag so here's how i think if she didn't tell her husband let's just be honest there's no way in hell she told her husband i agree but let's play devil executive advocate advocate what i think needs to happen at this point is the wife needs to reach out to the wife yeah so the wife of the husband that told her needs to reach out to her other wife and say hey my husband talked to me about what what's that shitty situation that she's put her in you know like i don't want to deal with their shit you know like if that happened to us i don't i don't know it's just a shitty situation right but she needs to reach out to her and say hey i think the four of us my husband told me what was said during you know this this night i think the four of us need to have a conversation about this before i feel comfortable moving forward or yeah you know continuing this if if unless they're open to being poly and they're cool with it like that's like in a perfect world i'd be like hey bitch what the fuck and then if she's like but then i think if she does that and then she says well i don't want to talk about it or i don't want to tell my husband or then it's like, okay, then we're done. Right. So if you can't even talk about it, then we're done. If she's willing to have the conversation, then maybe you can work through it and move forward. If you really value that relationship. But I would agree with you. There's to me, there's a lot of red flags. It's messy. It just seems like, I don't know don't know as much as you feel like you know someone in the lifestyle truth be told you never know what's really going on behind yeah in their home behind closed doors there's no telling so i don't know that's i have lots of opinion now i guess the flip side is if you feel like you're getting emotionally connected with this couple and you're open to some type of poly loving relationship i think then you still need to have that conversation like yeah because everything should be transparent right out in the open regardless so then you need to probably reach out to her and say i know what you said it's actually okay that you said that we have similar feelings but can we talk about this you're so level-headed i'd be ready to like but maybe i'd be ready to beat the shit out of his wife feels the same way about the other husband like you don't know what's going on here like you don't we don't know the dynamics i did not get a poly vibe from that i did not either if i feel like if he wanted to be poly he would just i think there's a lot of red flags one i think they're playing separately but he seems so happy he seems like this this email it's a really nice email he seems like he don't see any of the red flags and they're giant red flags like he might as well be hit over the head with a red flag i think you're going maybe a little too quick into jumping into what you're doing one two i think she should not have said that no and then three i bet her husband doesn't know like and four your wife's being really nice because if you were married to a crazy person like me it would not be the same situation yeah you'd be probably mad at me oh for sure i didn't even do it like you'd be like why is that bitch telling you she loves you what the fuck did you tell her? Why'd you fuck her so good? You would be mad at me. Totally. And his wife's like, oh, no, it's cool. We tell our friends we love each other. Yeah, he's lucky. It's totally fine. He got a good one, unlike you, babe. Listen, I got to keep you a little scared. Yeah, a little scared. But yeah, no, I think that's it i think that this the girl is actually following for the husband yeah and she's threw it out there and didn't get maybe the response she wanted and then she tried to laugh it off and pretend like it was okay and then to further that i feel like he does the right thing and tells his wife he's a good guy and now him and his wife are making excuses for this girl and be like oh no she's just our friend and friends love each other and it's cool yeah i think this couple seems to be like a really cool like i want to be laid back print yeah laid back people which is awesome but i just don't want to see them get uh like into some drama that they shouldn't even have to deal with agreed yeah agreed. Yeah. Agreed. I think that's the case. I think this chick is falling for your husband. Or falling for you. Because it was the husband that wrote us. And I think if you value your relationship. You need to kind of. At least readdress it with them.