Tuesday Talks: The No-Kiss Couple

Transcript

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Speaker2: Welcome to the Swing Nation Podcast, a podcast by swingers and for swingers, where we look to educate others and push back on the negative stigmas and misconceptions associated with our lifestyle. Come with us and share our pineapple journey as we travel the globe, interview the activists, learn and grow together.
Speaker1: Join the activists. Learn and grow together. Join the nation. So Lacey, people are asking, how do they get to go to a party or an event with us? They check out swingersociety.net, you create a profile, you sign sign up for an event and you come hang out with us
Speaker2: super easy that's right if you want to party with us and the other faces and names that you know from social media and tiktok head on over to swingers society.net can't wait to see you there Hey there, pineapple people, and welcome to the swing nation podcast we are your hosts northern guy and southern girl and today we are back with another episode of tuesday talks we are talking tuesday with dana lacing with dana lacing um we went back to the OG. I'm glad. Thank you. The OG intro. Thank you. The one that has us singing. How about that high note or whatever? Yeah, I like it. You like that one? Yeah. But if you have a Tuesday Talk jingle and you'd like to get it to us, send it away. Please do. We're not going to turn it down. No. Especially if it's a good one. Yeah. All right. Are you ready for this week's question?
Speaker1: Yeah, I have not heard it. I was in the back working when you did this. So I'm curious to see what it is.
Speaker2: Let's go to the phone lines and see this week's question.
Speaker1: Dan and Lacey, this is for Tuesday Talks.
Speaker3: Yeah.
Speaker1: This is Moosing Around. We have been in the lifestyle for over a year. And we have been married for 30 years.
Speaker2: Thank you. for Tuesday Talks. Yeah, this is Moosing Around. We have been in the lifestyle for over a year, and we have been married for 30 years. We are a non-kissing couple. I love to kiss the ladies, but the guys, I'm just not there yet, and my husband doesn't kiss anyone. We have found that this has been a letdown for others to the point of rejection and also ghosting from time to time. Just because I won't put my tongue in your mouth doesn't mean my tongue doesn't work in other places. So how should we communicate and navigate this boundary? We love your show. Thank you so much. Moosing around. I loved her energy. I loved her energy. I did not expect her to say we've been married for 30 years oh i i missed that and she said they've been married for 30 years which means i'm guessing she's pushing 50 yeah yeah probably yeah um and so young and youthful and excited and i love her energy young youthful excited lots of good energy the other thing i all know is I'm not going to say where she's from but her name is moosing around and i can tell by her area code where she's from and it's very uh it's my part of the country oh wow it's in my neighborhood which i connect with that also not sure about the lifestyle in that part of the world but uh it was nice to hear from you know from a neighbor so to speak uh okay so her question which this is a hot button it is right and i'm actually surprised that this question has not come up until this point yeah um and so what she is saying is her and her husband are what they call a non-kissing couple and she didn't really say if they were full swap or soft swap from what she said where she would put her tongue anywhere i'm assuming they're full swap yeah it kind of sounded like that to me but i i would assume so if you're putting your tongue in other places but you know but that could be soft swap it could be right so what's let's explain this for people that maybe don't understand this is more common than if you're hearing this for the first time a couple that full swaps but doesn't kiss that is actually not that unusual it's not that unusual but the truth is like we've never really had anybody tell us that they don't kiss have we i think there's been couples around us i can think of uh the one that we went to hito with with the very good booty oh yes yes they didn't kiss yeah yes we've had a few around us over the years okay you're right i you're right so to explain that this means that they will have full penetrative sex with somebody likely using condoms but they will not kiss them right so that's the no kissing rule and we've met people that do like no oral but based on what she's saying she'll put her mouth other places so it sounds like they will do oral based on what she said and again she didn't say this but usually the reason for that is these couples feel like kissing and making out is intimate is emotional more intimate and more emotional than actual penetrative sex with somebody which i can relate to in some ways because there's been times where i've seen you kiss and be like it's like those tinder moments that get me like you can rail the shit out of some girl like just fuck her like there's no tomorrow make her my dirty little slut yes i love it just just fuck the shit out of her but if you brush her cheek with like your finger it does something to me that hits me in a different spot so part of me can understand where this no kissing thing comes from but if i'm being honest it would be a turnoff for me if someone said unless i really had gotten to know them and i was willing to to be okay with it does that make sense like if it was just some random person that i met and like right out the gate they're like we don't guess i'd be like okay yeah that's a lot to you but like if i met someone like let's just say organically and we just really hit it off and you know like maybe like having sex wasn't on the table for that night but we were just kind of like getting to know each other and then they said hey we have this boundary because intimacy is very important and they really explain themselves and why they do it i would probably be more willing to be okay with that so do you feel like kissing is more intimate than penetrative sexist? I think it can be if it's done in like a soft, tender way. But I would say, as somebody that's been in the lifestyle that has fucked a lot of people, that has kissed a lot of people, most kissing in the lifestyle is not that way. We're talking about like 5% is tender and sweet. Like, it's very very few and far between to me you putting your dick inside of me and doing those things is is way worse than kissing and or better yeah it depends on how you look at it and anybody that has this boundary i would um encourage you to kind of test that limit you know a little bit like you don't have to like full-on like have a make-out session with somebody but I feel like this is one of those limits that a lot of people have in the beginning of their like swinging journey because I feel like it I don't know what is the word I'm looking for like it's something special for them but I think once you've kind of like been in this for a while like the kissing I'll kiss just about fucking anybody yeah so I want to touch on what you're saying in a minute because I think that has a lot to do with this couple yeah but I first wanted to go a little bit more into the is kissing more intimate than penetrative sex and when I stop and actually think about it in my head head like is it i can think of so the girls that i want to kiss i probably have or feel a stronger connection to or more attracted to correct or feel a stronger just if i'm like looking at a girl i'm like oh i really want to i want to make out with her it's a little different than fucking you know i mean yeah i think if especially like an orgy situation right if we're in an orgy situation i'm not gonna say i'm gonna fucking just about anybody but i would fuck just about anybody right it's because it's it's the experience it's the we're in a group and you're trying to pleasure people right make out with most everybody when we have orgies i might kiss one or two people it's more of like fucking right yeah so i think fucking is a pleasure exchange right yeah i'm giving you pleasure you're giving me pleasure yeah we're kissing is somewhat of an emotional intimacy exchange yeah you're right i'm usually pretty into someone if i'm like eager i think me both me and you are probably more discreet at who we kiss than who we fuck yeah but sometimes like especially if i'm tipsy i'll make out with a lot like i think secrets pull yeah i'll kiss just about like just about most people there i'm not gonna lie but like it's it's more of me just like letting my inhibition down because i'm tipsy than it is like you might be more of a kissing slut i might be more of a fucking slut maybe but it depends like i probably wouldn't do that at like a club takeover or something like that but definitely when there's like day drinking involved you want to make out with lacy catch her in the pool at secrets around like three four yeah yeah she'll probably make out with you yeah okay now to get to the second part that you touched on I actually think is probably a big part of this. So she said they've been in the lifestyle for a year and a year, you're still kind of a baby swinger, right? You're still new. You're still exploring. You probably still have a lot of insecurities and things like that. So I would guess some of this no kissing rule is a boundary that they've put in place because they feel like it's intimate and they're trying to protect their own relationship which i can totally respect 100 um to me it's say it let it out don't hold back i'm trying to think how to word it like if i met someone they're like oh we don't really kiss you know because we're trying to hold on to that it's saving that for us yeah it kind of seems like you're like you're scared yeah you're scared like the one couple that you were talking about that has a nice booty who she probably knows who she is she's listening to this they are very smart like book smart individuals like very much over thinkers and their reason for not kissing oral was strictly for protection you know that couple didn't do kissing and they didn't do oral sex and it's because that most people don't use some type of protection in those situations and when they explain several i was like you're okay i can totally respect that yeah like if that's something that you don't want to do then i you know now to be honest it was hard to not kiss it was hard it was hard not to say that's what you're that's what you meant to say yes but i'm saying because it's it it almost makes you have like a guard up when you're playing with a like that because you're not fully like just allowing. Well, you're trying to keep in the back of your head like, hey, don't break their rules. Correct. Right. Just to end them being a new thing, it's very normal, right? So most couples, maybe not knows, a lot of couples when they join the lifestyle, they have that no kissing rule in in place most of the couples that we have known that join the lifestyle and have that rule over time it kind of laughs about it like yeah we were one of those three four five years later they're like yeah we used to and i think that's most lifestyle couples i think the more and i don't think that's bad i think in the beginning you should have all boundaries. And then I think as you become more comfortable, you kind of let those down. Right. We still haven't answered your question, though. Well, okay. So I think that's part of this, right? So I think they are on their journey in the early stages. And so they're just getting comfortable. Now, the second thing I will say is you have the right to set whatever rules and boundaries you want. If you keep that rule and boundary for the next years it is completely up to you and your partner correct so don't make let anybody think that like because i've seen this where people are like oh you're just a new swinger and you know you'll drop that haha you'll get rid of that eventually and and maybe you will but don't feel like there's a pressure on like do not let that boundary go until you and your partner are comfortable letting that boundary correct yeah now for advice on like how to proceed i'm assuming in the part of country that you are that there's probably not a whole lot of yeah lifestyle activity so i'm assuming you're using like websites like a cassidy and sdc and SLS, uh know adult frame runner whatever their website may be i would 100 list that um in your in your profile i have mixed feelings about that because part of me is like oh if you list it you're probably gonna miss out on opportunities to connect with people um and then there might be some people that once you connect with them and they get to know you kind of like what we said they might be like oh well you guys are so cool we don't need a kiss like yeah so but then you're kind of being just honest right that's like more people that like i think when you meet people in real life i think the opportunity to really get to know them and really connect and then have that conversation if to me that seems more organic When you meet on someone online and you don't put that up front, then, I don't know, it just seems like because you're just texting or messaging. So it seems like at what point do you say, oh, by the way, our boundaries are we don't kiss. I think if you're in a club situation, before you end up in a playroom, you need to say that's a rule. Yes, 100%. And then I think if you're in an online situation, before you meet them in person, you would need to let them know that that was your rule. In my opinion. And we differ. I think you should just be up front. Like if that's what you want and you stand by it, then just be up front. No, you're right. And you could put a disclaimer. Say we've been swingers for a year. You know, we've been married for 30 we want to protect our intimacy and what or whatever your reason may be you may be who knows i don't know your reason but explain that i mean not that you really have to explain it but it might because you don't you owe no one an explanation but you might somebody might relate to you and there might be another couple that they're newer to and they're like oh thank god there's somebody that's new that we can kind of do this together yeah i don't know that's just kind of my opinion but it's hard it's hard and then the devil's side of what you just said is we probably would have swiped past you if we read the profiling probably but just after hearing her voice i think we would have such a blast she's so funny yeah but then like she said they were getting ghosted probably because they're starting conversations and then like you know a few days in they bring it up they bring it up now like wouldn't you rather just like avoid that altogether and i will say from an experienced couple perspective the reason they probably have no issue or problem with you and you're probably a sweet beautiful sexy it's not personal but what they're thinking is uh then i always have to keep that in my head and what if i slip up then there's gonna be drama and yeah then it's just it's easier not to have to worry about it right correct and that's kind of how we feel about yeah i think yeah because 99 of the swingers out there will kiss and it's no retail and it's you know right it's fine so it again you have to like really connect with a couple you know and become like okay it's what i'm like they're worth me having to like overthink this to make them comfortable right no i agree or it's a new couple that i think if you met like you said met a new couple that was exploring together and you were both on that journey together then you could kind of grow yeah now i would say so if be upfront and honest i think is the right answer or at least be up what you don't want to do is walk into a playroom with somebody and then have to say it and then then it just be like uh like you should have told me this ahead of time right yeah uh so i think you have to tell them before you meet them in person or if you meet them in public you know somewhere because when honestly when you meet someone at like a club and you're like dancing and like you're getting into them that's when you kiss like on the dance floor when you're like grinding and you're like everybody's getting worked up to move to the playroom and so like if i like what if you lean in for a kiss and like can i kiss you And then the girl's like actually and then the music's loud you're like actually no you can't kiss it just seems i don't know it's just i don't know so you have the right to have that boundary what i would say is maybe you and your husband have like why is this boundary in place right is it is it really because you just don't want to kiss anybody else because i have a hard feeling i have a hard time