Tuesday Talks: Swinger Parties for Beginners, No Swapping, No Problem

Transcript

Speaker1: This podcast is intended for adult audiences. Over the age of 18, it contains adult language and situations. The views, thoughts, and opinions expressed in this podcast belong solely to us, and not of any employer, organization, committee, or other group or individuals. This podcast is not intended to be taken as professional advice. Welcome to the Swing Nation podcast, a podcast by swingers for swingers, where we look to educate others and push back on the negative stigmas and misconceptions associated with our lifestyle. Come with us and share our pineapple journey as we travel the globe, interview the experts, learn and grow together join the nation so lacy people are asking how do they get to go to a party or an event with us they check out swingersociety.net you create a profile you sign up for an event and you, and you come hang out with us. Super easy. That's right. 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Use coupon code TSN at checkout. Hey there, pineapple people, and welcome to the Swing Nation podcast. We we are your hosts northern guy and southern girl today we have another episode of tuesday talk we do oh i'm so annoyed you're not annoyed that was a fake annoyance you've ruined the whole thing It's not me. You ruined it. It was. It's ruined. Okay, so I can't win here. I quit. I quit. Ticka ticka Tuesday talks. Maybe just change up your. Maybe you sing it. Talking with Tuesday. Tuesday talks. Talking with Tuesday. Okay. I didn't criticize yours. Okay. Leave me alone. You mean that's how this whole thing started? I didn't criticize the word. me alone i didn't criticize the word okay nobody wants to hear us argue over to say talk okay let's move along please um this one came from the anonymous vanilla swirls via email and when i saw vanilla swirls you know you like a got a little wet? Were you thinking about asserting somebody? Yeah. Well, yeah. But I was like, hmm. But I don't think it's them. And it was we, if you don't know, we have some vanilla swirls that we are quite fond of. So I just had to make sure that it wasn't them. So what does vanilla swirl mean? It means you're not quite lifestyle, but you're not quite vanilla. Yeah. You're lifestyle adjacent. Yeah. So a lifestyle person is somebody who participates in the swingers lifestyle, right? And then a vanilla person is anybody that doesn't participate in the swingers lifestyle. And maybe even in any like kink alternative lifestyles. Like if you're a BDSM person, that's kind of lifestyle. If you're, anything if you're kinky your lifestyle right yeah so a vanilla person is not that yeah and so a vanilla swirl is like a little bit of a we're dipping our toes correct and that's what these people are asking about baby swingers yeah yeah okay okay first you guys are my absolute favorite love you question how do you recommend a vanilla couple approach a lifestyle event we are super into the idea of friendships and sexy environment but we're not sure swapping is in our cards right now we want to come and have all the fun we hear about we don't want to annoy people by being that couple who doesn't swap we want to be upfront about our boundaries but also don't want to come off as boring prudes that ever that no one will interact with we have done some online flirting on tiktok discord and really enjoy doing that but again don't want to be too misleading especially if we went to a real event any tips first of all what i will say is one of the the markets that i don't think we are capitalizing on is the vanilla market why i think more vanilla people should come to events like i think i think there's this and we've talked about this a million times there's this preconceived notion that if you come to a swingers party or a swingers club or a swingers resort that you are obligated to be a swinger and to fuck people yeah i think like when people hear swingers that's what they think i think they think you like walk through the doors and it's like a giant orgy or something so it's not that we've tried to dispel that rumor hundreds of times not thousands of times now so absolutely you can come to a swingers club yeah you can come to a swingers resort you can come to a swingers party you can go to a swingers house party you can do things with people in the lifestyle without fucking them correct without kissing them without sucking their dick without you don't there's no obligation to do anything sexual yeah when you show up to these events and if something happens you ever went to a party that you felt that way you're at the wrong party yeah don't go back you need to leave yeah um i can get feeling like some internal pressure like you're putting pressure on yourself to do those things but as far as like external pressure you should not feel any at all right so then the second part is if you were a vanilla person considering attending an event and you're worried that like oh i don't want to go because then if people say they want to fuck me and i tell them no they're gonna be like matt like no yeah come to the freaking party yeah have the time of your life and just have fun yeah i do think that honesty is the best practice and i think you can even be cute about it you know like kind of use it in like a flirty way somebody like approaches you and like hey how are you you could be like i'm great this is our first time we're Thank you. can even be cute about it you know like kind of use it in like a flirty way somebody like approaches you and like hey how are you you could be like i'm great this is our first time we're super nervous we are just here to watch we just want to kind of take it all in for our first few experiences right i mean i think like being when somebody approaches you being honest is the best way now if somebody just like sits next to you and you're like we're not here to swap you know like maybe don't do that but i think like when you're having open conversations just bringing it up and even if they don't come to you and say hey i'd like to fuck you you can bring it up in conversations just to kind of like let them know even if they hadn't got to that part yet that that's probably not going to happen yeah i'm trying to say this without happening without it like seeming mean um but sometimes couples will invest time in you yeah thinking they're going yeah they're flirting with you they're you know well let me give you an example they're spending time with you and they're they are hoping that at the end of the night play is gonna happen yeah so if play is not on the table for you i think it's best to be up front and honest with that early on in your interaction just so that if that is something that this couple's goal is then they can move on correct and i think there's like ways to bring it up without it being like an like a big deal you can you know like hey have you ever been here before i agree that's a pretty like normal question somebody would ask if you say no this is our first time this is our first lifestyle event we're just kind of like taking it all in we're just like not interested in doing anything we're just kind of like here to watch like that's not like to me if you bring it up like that that's not right you're just kind of like an overall statement does that make sense right is there another way that you can think yeah you said you know because people are gonna ask you oh where you're from yeah you ever been to secrets before like oh no we've never been to secrets this is actually our first lifestyle event ever and we really don't plan on doing anything but we just want to come check it out and you can say we're super nervous this is our you know and honestly like if we meet couples and they like it's obvious that they're nervous it's their first time they like i would much rather you tell me that then you'd be like oh no i'm a pro i've been doing it you're sitting over there shaking in your boots you know i think just honesty is the best key the whole fake it till you make it is not really applicable honestly the best thing about lifestyle people lifestyle events lifestyle parties is you can it's the one place where you can be like brutally honest with people and people expect that like they're not going to get hurt by it they're not going to get bent out of shape by it like you can be pretty open and honest with people. And I think most people, especially if you're in this situation where you're new and you want to go to a party but you don't really want to play, they'll appreciate that honesty. And I think they'll also look out for you. Like if we met a couple and they're like, we're brand new, we're super nervous, but we're just like here to have fun. Like if we see them later and they're just standing in the corner by their sub not like in a play situation we would let them stay in the corner but like maybe at like the club or like a speed dating or something that is you know a little bit easier to kind of get people involved we'll actually like encourage them to participate and be a part of it and then we'll also look out like if you see like the creepster in the corner like talking to them you might just like check in so i think like that's another good thing about like meeting people and communicating that you're new you've got people to look out for you yeah and and you're not alone we've had several friends some of our closest friends um came to parties for over a year before they ever did anything um i can think we probably have two or three friends that that's that's kind of was their journeys yeah they just enjoy the environment and here's the thing like honestly for all the vanilla people out there listening if you're in your 30s or 40s or 50s and you just want to go hang out with people and have fun and maybe take your top off and be a little wild and get a little drunk and be silly and and have fun with people your age or older and younger i don't know where else to do that like where did we go to have fun before we were in the lifestyle i didn't really go anywhere like maybe the strip club like us to go out and have fun as a couple like yeah okay let's go downtown and go to a bar yeah it's full of 20 year olds yeah and half the dudes want to fight me because i looked at their girl you know i mean like it's just so stupid like i don't want to do that you know there are some bars and stuff like that but i don't i don't know i feel like the lifestyle is if you're an adult person um is a good place just to go and have fun yeah i agree so i want to touch on like place playrooms and stuff because they kind of said Like i think they i don't know how they worded it but they didn't want to be like the creepy couple or so i don't know how they said it i don't know but i think there's always a worry can you go into the playroom if you're not interested will people approach you how does that work and i think even if you didn't mention that i think it's worth talking about um when you go into most play playrooms play areas there's going to be different types of rooms places to actually have sex so some rooms are completely private you can shut the door no one will come in you are 100 private then you have some that have like sheer curtains so maybe people can hear you and maybe see your silhouette but not they're not going to join in then you have big like group play beds where you don't still consent is very much a key but pretty much everybody gets on the bed and some engage and some don't um so you definitely have all of those options and then most clubs have a sitting area where you can watch it's actually encouraged